S1 Ep49: All I Can Think Of Is John Travolta
Typical post break up transformation, Crystal got some new wheels, stranger’s awkward convos, everything is linked to parenting, unusual attractions and white privilege  Enjoy.
1hr 38m Sep 24, 2019
1hr 38m
S1 Ep48: Double D Donyah
Pata Fria’s been getting artsy, Crystal is still car shopping, dreams and your memory are married, tarot readings coming soon, and don’t support shitty celebrities.  Enjoy.
1hr 24m Sep 17, 2019
1hr 24m
S1 Ep47: Ancestry is NOT for sex
Maria tried to scam Crystal, babies don’t have kneecaps, big fondue plans and an interesting “what if”... Enjoy 
1hr 33m Sep 11, 2019
1hr 33m
S1 Ep46: I Got Played
Episode 46 “I Got Played” This week the girls return with some fun and not so fun announcements. Pata Fria is a newly single Grandma, Dottie is adjusting nicely, Crystal is collecting formal gowns for a great cause, Keto is scary and some listener questions are answered. Enjoy. 
1hr 35m Sep 06, 2019
1hr 35m
S1 Ep45: Pilots Be Drunk
This week the girls are back with lots of talk about Hawaii and the introduction of Dottie. Getting old sucks, weird dreams and lots of listener questions.  Enjoy.
1hr 49m Aug 29, 2019
1hr 49m
S1 Ep44: Interracial Gangbang
Episode 44 starts off with Pata Fria manifesting a new pet and sharing her latest reading, unapproachable soccer moms, school shopping is a drag, the truly dark side of being an empath, drifting off your meds, dysfunctional event planning and don't get in trouble at work! 
1hr 48m Aug 13, 2019
1hr 48m
S1 Ep43: Stay Away From Andy
This week is episode 43 and the girls discuss some unfortunate events. Always check your drivers license for fine print, brace yourself before entering the post office, download a vpn before watching snuff, and real friends make radio dedications.  Enjoy xo.
1hr 17m Aug 06, 2019
1hr 17m
S1 Ep42: God is a Dom
This episode focuses on a few odd subjects. Crystal's grandfather's feature in a book,  don't lose yourself in a relationship, is the zodiac international, the rapture is all a big set up, don't give the internet your info, and do let your friends teach you sexual acts.  Enjoy.
1hr 26m Jul 30, 2019
1hr 26m
S1 Ep41: They're Definitely Neighbors
Episode 41 starts off with a LA vacation recap, Crystal makes a medical discovery, gentrification woes, movie suggestions, animal tales, kids say the darnedest things, loving all things gross, and a very creepy murder Enjoy xo
1hr 32m Jul 23, 2019
1hr 32m
S1 Ep40: No New Friends
Episode 40 is back at you with an announcement of the new Facebook group "Hello Dysfunction, the meetup", hot girl summer with golden girl knees, how this show was born, Pata Fria reunites w her dad, Crystal needs to lock her doors, don't flirt with your son and boobs are sex toys.  Enjoy xo
1hr 36m Jul 18, 2019
1hr 36m
S1 Ep39: "I think Finnish people are cool"
Episode 39 is here after a week off...the girls describe their new room, another example why humans suck, some celebrity news, food made from science and some beauty tips  Enjoy.
2hr 13m Jul 09, 2019
2hr 13m
S1 Ep38: Hittin Switches
Episode 38 kicks off with a birthday recap, grandma's having company, don't spoil your kids, bad hygiene is rude, our deplorable government, Reebok pumps and some interesting Q&A Enjoy. 
1hr 55m Jun 26, 2019
1hr 55m
S1 Ep37: Piss over ice
Episode 37 is here with some hippie hacks, trouble the kids have been into, Crystal’s grandfather is worse than we imagined, unknown neighborhood names, why it’s not always good to refer ppl, and Crystal reveals a shocking secret.
2hr 13m Jun 18, 2019
2hr 13m
S1 Ep36: My Whole Life Is A Lie
Pata Fria reveals a family secret, Crystal has a pleasant surprise while shopping, some film suggestions, what the bedroom is really for, Crystal loves talking to strangers and Pata Fria hates the heat. Enjoy Episode 36.
1hr 43m Jun 11, 2019
1hr 43m
S1 Ep35: Wet n Wild 508
Pata Fria can’t cry and has tattoo blisters, Crystal has an animal rescue foundation in her home, some mom talk and how to get fly in the 90’s. Enjoy. Instagram @Hellodysfunction www.facebook.com/HelloDysfunction Twitter @dysfunctionShow
1hr 45m Jun 04, 2019
1hr 45m
S1 Ep34: Ancestry Is Messy
Episode 34 is here with a birthday recap, some dark family secrets, a medication update, what not to do in the post office, intuition vs anxiety and Crystal rescued more f*cking cats. Enjoy. Instagram @Hellodysfunction www.facebook.com/HelloDysfunction Twitter @dysfunctionShow
1hr 53m May 30, 2019
1hr 53m
S1 Ep33: "I Murdered Alicia Keys"
Episode 33 kicks off with a recap of Crystal's hectic week, a ghost joined the Dom session, weird sex laws, uncomfortable dreams and more. Enjoy. rate us on iTunes Instagram @Hellodysfunction www.facebook.com/HelloDysfunction Twitter @dysfunctionShow
1hr 33m May 21, 2019
1hr 33m
S1 Ep32: DAD, DON'T COME IN
The ladies return for episode 32 with a Mother's Day recap, the importance of being polite, some interesting news, technology is out of control, hygiene nightmares and a work story that involved some of moms miscellaneous items. Enjoy.
1hr 36m May 14, 2019
1hr 36m
The Yee Yee Girls (bonus Episode)
A Bonus Episode of Hello Dysfunction with Guest hosts the "Yee Yee  girls"
19m May 09, 2019
19m
S1 Ep31: Discussing Douches w Strangers
Episode 31: After a brief hiatus the podcast returns with some dysfunctional family stories, the normalcy of anilingus, bad experiences w cops, a phallic playground, bloody cocktails and lots of listener questions Enjoy xo
2hr 1m May 06, 2019
2hr 1m
S1 Ep30: Don't Masturbate To Death
Episode 30 shows up with a bang. Literally. Some talk about how much April sucks, vaginal steaming bars, Crystal's new auntie tribe and the importance of tipping. Dont ask flight crews to do your dirty deeds, queens and princesses, overbearing moms and how Pata Fria's been spending her free time. Enjoy xo
1hr 42m Apr 23, 2019
1hr 42m
S1 Ep29: I Like To Get Stretched
After an interesting weekend episode 29 covers it all. Pata Fria had a panic, Crystal Barbie and family keep things interesting. Some info and details about kink life, sugar daddies are just older boyfriends, a few celebrity news stories, Planet Fitness does dirty biz, press on nails and listener questions. Enjoy xo
1hr 42m Apr 16, 2019
1hr 42m
S1 Ep28: Funerals Should Be Funny
This week a lot of subjects are covered. White privilege is definitely real, Pata Fria made it to Detroit, Crystal does a good deed, pay attention to signs the universe is sending you, put the car in park before you get out, unfortunate news, Fisting is popular, and loads of listener questions.
2hr 1m Apr 08, 2019
2hr 1m
S1 Ep27: YOU WEAR FAKE TOES??
Episode 27 is full of random subjects and theories...we revisit chem trails, the effect hairstyles can have on a person, STRONG animal love, sex workers tend to steal, Crystal doesn't eat food or wear panties, Pata Fria completely misunderstood an eBay ad, the latest MJ accusers might be some damn liars, be a good friend or you're outta here, keeping your relationship hiccups within your relati...
1hr 52m Apr 01, 2019
1hr 52m
S1 Ep26: I Hate Babies
It’s dysfunction as usual this week with another ER visit, soccer startup, Crystal’s new shoes and Pata Fria’s “recovery” to name a few. Abortion, some recent news, the importance of transparency and interesting bodily facts are also discussed. Listener questions and a few “would you rathers” are included to finish you off. Enjoy xo
1hr 27m Mar 27, 2019
1hr 27m
S1 Ep25: Would You F*ck My Dead Body?
This week is episode 25 and the dysfunction continues with an array of interesting subjects. Some advice is offered to their younger selves, astronauts get a lot of herpes, some women really love dick pics, the French appreciate gross smells, can you really be yourself? and much more. Enjoy, xo
1hr 35m Mar 19, 2019
1hr 35m
S1 Ep24: Would You Rather...
This week episode 24 begins with some feelings about the weather, how we're not anti-pimp and calling men a bitch is a universal no no. Stevi handles business, strip club etiquette and a little talk about Michael Jackson is discussed. More paranormal activity, is makeup catfishing and some awesome listener questions are answered. Mostly. *Our views are our own and not always agreed upon lol... ...
1hr 37m Mar 12, 2019
1hr 37m
S1 Ep23: My Penis Was Crying Your Name
This week’s episode begins with dreams, and spirt communication, discussion of the new MJ documentary, and Billy’s trip to Target for tampons. The ladies also share some info on interesting sex facts, Dubai showers, a begging Bay Area news anchor, and a hypothetical kidnapping. As always, enjoy.
1hr 37m Mar 05, 2019
1hr 37m
S1 Ep22: Who Thought This Was A Good Idea
This week we tried something new and had our producer Lev sit in. He won't be back. Enjoy xo Rate us on iTunes Instagram @Hellodysfunction www.facebook.com/HelloDysfunction Twitter @dysfunctionShow
2hr 17m Feb 27, 2019
2hr 17m
S1 Ep21: Stop Petting The Cat and Finish
This week opens up with a Valentine's Day recap, some parental stress and a warning about Love Potion. Weird news, a 3D printable death chamber and interesting poop preferences are also shared. Some listener questions are answered followed by a disturbing dirty client story. Enjoy xo Rate us on iTunes Instagram @Hellodysfunction www.facebook.com/HelloDysfunction Twitter @dysfunctionShow
2hr 7m Feb 19, 2019
2hr 7m
S1 Ep20: Two for Twomp
This week starts off w some celebrity drama, blackface fashion becoming an intentional trend, it's Black History Month, grey sweats are for bachelors only, pathological liars, Pata shares an unfortunate incident (trigger warning: a sexual assault is discussed), ending with a little porch surgery among friends. Enjoy xo Rate us on iTunes Instagram @Hellodysfunction www.facebook.com/HelloDysf...
1hr 53m Feb 12, 2019
1hr 53m
S1 Ep19: Everything Is Gay
This week there's some talk about problematic celebrities, the beginning of Black History Month, our shitty government, how the internet really can be great, interesting animal facts, listener questions and a story about bikers undoing their pants. Enjoy xo Rate us on iTunes Instagram @Hellodysfunction www.facebook.com/HelloDysfunction Twitter @dysfunctionShow
1hr 49m Feb 05, 2019
1hr 49m
S1 Ep18: Foreskin & Pepper Spray
This week's discussion includes circumcision, pubic hair preferences, parental enablers, the new abortion law, birth control tips, war on sex workers, views on Future and Chris Brown, how to avoid being roofied, and why you should always double check your teeth before going to a dentist appointment. As always, enjoy. Rate us on iTunes Instagram @Hellodysfunction www.facebook.com/HelloDysfun...
2hr 15m Jan 29, 2019
2hr 15m
S1 Ep17: Are You International?
This week's episode wishes a happy birthday to MLK, touches on some current political dysfunction, the raising of older kids, the effects of drugs and mental illness on a family. Crystal's unhealthy ice cream addiction and bizarre eating habits, pledge to only steal from big corporations, listeners questions, a couple sleep walking stories and book yourself a Dom TKO ;) Instagram @Hellodysfunc...
1hr 42m Jan 22, 2019
1hr 42m
S1 Ep16: So Fuckin Majestic
The following are Rob's guy notes: 1. Range rover white girl curves 2. Pata watched netflix and been on her meds 3. Back page and cryptocurrency 4. Minimalism 5. Documentary disagreements 6. Sexworkers 7. Good karma moments 8. Government fuck ups 9. Face advice 10. Golden showers and rough sex 11. Billy's tomatoes weed plants got busted 12. Pata family crack rate us on iTunes Inst...
1hr 42m Jan 15, 2019
1hr 42m
S1 Ep16: So Fckin Majestic
https://hellodysfunction.com Instagram @Hellodysfunction www.facebook.com/HelloDysfunction Twitter @dysfunctionShow
1hr 45m Jan 15, 2019
1hr 45m
S1 Ep15: Stay Outta The Creek
Dog rescues, R. Kelly's bullshit, disturbing childhood stories, bullying, some parenting tips, and dirty creek rendezvous. Trigger warning- sexual assault, grooming and other sensitive issues are discussed. https://hellodysfunction.com Instagram @Hellodysfunction www.facebook.com/HelloDysfunction Twitter @dysfunctionShow
1hr 50m Jan 09, 2019
1hr 50m
S1 Ep14: God's Well
It's New Year's Eve and in this final episode of 2018, Pata Fria and Crystal discuss the new year, white parents w mixed children, repairing your credit, being a submissive Christian wife, how Pata Fria got scammed on craigslist and having foul-mouthed children. Have a safe and happy new year. Don't drive drunk. https://hellodysfunction.com Instagram @Hellodysfunction www.facebook.com/Hello...
1hr 32m Jan 01, 2019
1hr 32m
S1 Ep13: "Cheese Sandwiches"
This week the chaos of Christmas, vintage tips on how to snag a husband, Karma and a false birth control method are all discussed. Crystal shares some family dysfunction and we find out why you shouldn't tell Pata Fria you own a restaurant. Happy Holidays xo https://hellodysfunction.com Instagram @Hellodysfunction www.facebook.com/HelloDysfunction Twitter @dysfunctionShow
1hr 22m Dec 25, 2018
1hr 22m
S1 Ep12: The Playboy Club
Mental health, toxic relationship behavior, and why Crystal should never enter a church kick off this week's episode. The girls also talk about period sex, shitty celebrities, pervy friends, and Pata Fria's love of shock sites. The holidays, childhood snitching, and good ol' Florida also make an appearance this episode. As always, enjoy. PS- Pata Fria is still NOT a doctor. Instagram @Hellod...
1hr 28m Dec 18, 2018
1hr 28m
S1 Ep11: Gramma's Heart Attack
This week the dysfunction gets a bit serious. The girls are discussing kaiser's strike, losing virginity, relationship advice, holding grudges, a few very personal stories, and more crying (what's new). Of course the mood is lightened with some of Pata Fria's childhood antics, nail shop preferences, and gramma's "heart attack." This episode does require a trigger warning, as sexual assault is ...
1hr 34m Dec 11, 2018
1hr 34m
S1 Ep10: Parental Advisory
This week the dysfunctional duo are offering up parental advice of all sorts. From the Hawaiian Pine-sol event, apologizing to your children, walking the parent/friend line, and teaching your children gratitude. The girls also touch on dick pics, "porn vs. dom" reality, and as always, listener questions. Enjoy. 💦 Get your holiday t-shirt pack at https://hellodysfunction.com Instagram @Hellody...
1hr 44m Dec 04, 2018
1hr 44m
S1 Ep9: Weird Sex
The holidays are here, and so is the dysfunction. This week the duo are talking about weird news, the online attack on sex-workers, favorite porn, a mirror ghost, and penis size. The girls close out with some listener questions, crazy sex, and a few funny stories. As always, enjoy. T-shirt holiday packs available at https://hellodysfunction.com Instagram @Hellodysfunction www.facebook.com/He...
1hr 51m Nov 28, 2018
1hr 51m
S1 Ep8: Curing Rickets
Crystal’s father Big Billy is here and the dysfunction is outta control.      "I didn't do drugs before I was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia, I just smoked pot, did acid and rode my motorcycle." Buckle up motherf$^#*s…. Subscribe to our mailing list for updates https://hellodysfunction.com Instagram @Hellodysfunction www.facebook.com/HelloDysfunction Twitter @dysfunctionShow
1hr 36m Nov 20, 2018
1hr 36m
S1 Ep7: I'm A Doctor
From chemtrails, to California fires, to Pata Fria's burn unit vagina story, this week the girls are on fire, literally. The duo also goes over premature ejaculation, tampons vs. diva cups, racism, and a ghost story. This episode is packed with self-love, and of course some more crying, lol. As always, enjoy.. Subscribe to our mailing list for updates https://hellodysfunction.com Instagram @H...
1hr 44m Nov 12, 2018
1hr 44m
S1 Ep6: Gas Station Salad & Dirty Sanchez
The dysfunctional duo is back, and unapologetically unfiltered while discussing sx dolls, g-spot location, open marriages, liars, and prison relationships. They are breaking it down and dissecting so listen up. Subscribe to our mailing list for updates https://hellodysfunction.com Instagram @Hellodysfunction www.facebook.com/HelloDysfunction Twitter @dysfunctionShow
1hr 38m Nov 06, 2018
1hr 38m
S1 Ep5: The Stolen Car
It's episode five, and the dysfunction continues. This week the girls are talking about adults that don't do oral, scissoring, pegging, and the time Pata taught Crystal how to drive a stolen car. The girls take some listener questions, give a PSA about trunk junk, and close out with a Dom story. As always, dysfunction at it's finest. 😬🙏 Subscribe to our mailing list for updates https://hellody...
1hr 37m Oct 30, 2018
1hr 37m
S1 Ep4: Grandma Candy & Pocket Cheese
This week the deviant duo return with even more dysfunction. Vaginal hygiene, loving people while they're here, Halloween, ghost stories and superstitions. Later in the show they answer some listener questions, talk about male hygiene and a Dom story to finish you off 💦… enjoy. Subscribe to our mailing list for updates https://hellodysfunction.com Instagram @Hellodysfunction www.facebook.com...
1hr 48m Oct 23, 2018
1hr 48m
S1 Ep3: Tether Ball
In this tell all episode Pata Fria and Crystal Barbie open up and share everything about themselves. Secrets are spilled. They discuss mental health, why we (women) settle for the bare minimum, and the difference between pedophiles and cougars. https://hellodysfunctionpodcast.com Instagram @Hellodysfunction www.facebook.com/HelloDysfunction Twitter @dysfunctionShow
1hr 48m Oct 16, 2018
1hr 48m
S1 Ep2: Dark Web
This episode requires a trigger warning. Serious issues are discussed including domestic violence, SW safety, murder, and child abusers. The duo also touches on lighthearted subjects; The slut walk, favorite podcasts, birth charts, mental health, and a haunted house story that will definitely change the mood. Check for updates https://hellodysfunctionpodcast.com Instagram @Hellodysfunction w...
1hr 27m Oct 16, 2018
1hr 27m