S1 Ep311: Golden River
Crystal got her hair done and a new piercing, 4loko cans are a warning, thrift prices are disrespectful and Pat got some bad news. Don’t puke in the sink, avoid mud while on adventures, cops shouldn’t be hitting anyone and Peez is in love. For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction (http://patreon.com/hellodysfunction) Subscribe and watch on...
2hr 6m Jul 24, 2025
2hr 6m
S1 Ep310: A Sad Origin Story
Things are getting better, Peez is hoarding, OCD just doesn’t make sense and farewell Great America. Crystal is still terrorizing Pat’s dreams, Trump didn’t get shot, uniqueness reigns supreme and there’s been a lot of crazy news. For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction (http://patreon.com/hellodysfunction) Subscribe and watch on YouTube!...
2hr 21m Jul 17, 2025
2hr 21m
S1 Ep309: 309 - What Binders?
Pat is playing referee, Sunday was a flop, Crystal has been writing and was asked to babysit. RIP Amanda, no more pets, random singing and our government lies in our face. For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction (http://patreon.com/hellodysfunction) Subscribe and watch on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: In...
1hr 59m Jul 09, 2025
1hr 59m
S1 Ep308: A Summer Treat
RIP Antonio, we’re sweaty, Pat’s back is broken and CA has some new laws. Don’t get fake abs, change your towels out, OCD sometimes promotes good habits and billionaires aren’t good people. For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction (http://patreon.com/hellodysfunction) Subscribe and watch on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction F...
1hr 39m Jul 03, 2025
1hr 39m
S1 Ep307: Not Everyone Gets A Sandwich
Weekend unboxing, Bunny’s birthday, a fire scare and old Italian tradition. A close call, don’t let your kids join the military, messy true crime and some people are only for a season. For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction (http://patreon.com/hellodysfunction) Subscribe and watch on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow...
2hr 4m Jun 27, 2025
2hr 4m
S1 Ep306: Bonsai
RIP Uncle Jimmy, Father's Day was cute, is WW3 happening and is MAGA waking up? Some people don’t deserve fans, WWF wrestling was NUTS, the government is experimenting on our brains and we’re really out of shape. For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction (http://patreon.com/hellodysfunction) Subscribe and watch on YouTube! https://youtube.c...
1hr 29m Jun 19, 2025
1hr 29m
S1 Ep305: Geriatric Prostitute
Antique water heater for sale, Crystal did Zumba, Kaitlyn’s return and unicorn searches. Bloody boots, we’re really sweaty, new teeth option and FCK ICE. For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction (http://patreon.com/hellodysfunction) Subscribe and watch on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellod...
1hr 48m Jun 12, 2025
1hr 48m
S1 Ep304: Are They Cigaretting?
It’s 304 day, pride and men’s mental health awareness month! A busy weekend, Filipino karaoke and Crystal thinks she’s a poet. The boycotts aren’t over, don’t parasail alone and missing teeth can be hot. For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction (http://patreon.com/hellodysfunction) Subscribe and watch on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hello...
2hr 15m Jun 05, 2025
2hr 15m
S1 Ep303: Don't Tell My Family
Pat really likes her doctor, always kiss the judge’s a*s, root canals are bad for you and Peez is outta control. Comedy show update, tired of the credit score game, Crystal is still talking to strangers and irrational fears are crippling. For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction (http://patreon.com/hellodysfunction) Subscribe and watch on ...
1hr 47m May 29, 2025
1hr 47m
S1 Ep302: Take The Scissors
It’s Stevi and Pat’s birthday, mammograms aren’t that bad, Crystal gave herself a haircut and Pat is warming up to animals. Eat better for your health, is Annabelle causing chaos, parenting is sometimes self healing and bring back MTV. For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction (http://patreon.com/hellodysfunction) Subscribe and watch on You...
2hr 8m May 22, 2025
2hr 8m
S1 Ep301: That's Horny Time
Mother’s Day recap, Pat had a busy weekend, new possible beauty treatment and Crystal has an unwanted admirer. Miss Piggy was not ok, Pat is being set up, trust your kid’s intuition and family can get cut off too. For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction (http://patreon.com/hellodysfunction) Subscribe and watch on YouTube! https://youtube....
1hr 33m May 15, 2025
1hr 33m
S1 Ep300: We Both Got Gems
Avon is mysteriously at CVS, Pat is having some scary stuff, we have matching jewels and need to stop speaking things into existence. Crystal has been sad, always get the money FIRST, ghosts are active and there’s a new true crime show to binge. For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction (http://patreon.com/hellodysfunction) Subscribe and wa...
1hr 24m May 09, 2025
1hr 24m
S1 Ep299: You're No Good
Pat had another dream about Crystal, shopping with Carolyn is always fun, the impending doom of having something to do and sometimes our bodies are against us. Do you believe in reincarnation? The only cool thing about a Tesla, no white shoes and an update on piss over ice. For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction (http://patreon.com/hellod...
1hr 41m May 01, 2025
1hr 41m
S1 Ep298: Wiener Reset
Pat’s had a hard week, Mark is keeping secrets, doctors don’t know everything and we curl our twos. Elvis was carrying a child, chew your coconut oil, interesting medical devices and only fake moan for people you love. For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction (http://patreon.com/hellodysfunction) Subscribe and watch on YouTube! https://you...
1hr 43m Apr 24, 2025
1hr 43m
S1 Ep297: I Know Better Than You
Crystal has lips, Pata Fria had a lonely weekend, Tahoe was turnt and merch is on the way. Surgery is coming up, Pata Fria wants an old school, catch our live streams on Patreon and Elephants are really amazing. For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction (http://patreon.com/hellodysfunction) Subscribe and watch on YouTube! https://youtube.co...
1hr 51m Apr 17, 2025
1hr 51m
S1 Ep296: Use It Or Lose It
The cats are in big trouble, Pata Fria is being humbled, Crystal made a medical device and all our kids are unique. Ghosts are acting up, our government is starting a lot of problems, men shouldn’t be gynecologists and don’t date violent people. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction (http://patreon.com/hellodysfunction) Subscribe on YouTube! https://...
2hr 17m Apr 10, 2025
2hr 17m
S1 Ep295: Never Knew A F*ck
We’re redecorating the set, Crystal finally dissolved her lips, medication adjustments are still happening and influenza is around again. Crystal had a kind exchange, Pata Fria is planning a vacation, the raccoons are getting too comfortable and Jimbo will always do the most. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction (http://patreon.com/hellodysfunction) ...
2hr 11m Apr 04, 2025
2hr 11m
S1 Ep294: Vaginal Water Gun
Abrupt weather changes are frustrating, Target is feeling the boycott, Aunt Flo is mean and we want Crystal back to herself. Sweet Potatoes are helping, new merch is available, some people can shoot water and don’t leave subs unattended!! For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction (http://patreon.com/hellodysfunction) Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube...
1hr 44m Mar 27, 2025
1hr 44m
S1 Ep293: Where's My Provider Lesbian?
Itsnotreal is a terrorist state, Home Depot was not welcoming to Pat, don’t trust raggedy dentist offices and Crystal had a really close call. Going to sleep is embarrassing, sometimes you have to parent the parents, Crystal is in the Mandela effect and do not play about your credit. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction (http://patreon.com/hellodysfu...
1hr 34m Mar 20, 2025
1hr 34m
S1 Ep292: Agent of Chaos
Crystal is sick, it’s raining again, make sure you subscribe on your web browser and Pat embarrassed herself once again. Don’t sniff salts, we love green flags, daylight savings is causing harm and don’t snitch on your co-workers. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction (http://patreon.com/hellodysfunction) Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@he...
1hr 24m Mar 15, 2025
1hr 24m
S1 Ep291: Shut Up & Square Dance
We were rollie pollies, everyone should have exotic animals at work, Pat is a pool shark and may have got dosed. It’s time to find Uncle Crissss, women gotta do better, square dancing has an ugly history and Luigi might be coming home. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction (http://patreon.com/hellodysfunction) Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.co...
1hr 20m Feb 27, 2025
1hr 20m
S1 Ep290: I Have To Use My Mouth
Don’t drink a whole pot of coffee, Pat needs her glasses, all-star is finally over and watch out for red flags. Crystal was back at the hospital, tv used to be brutal, sometimes karma is on time and onions are good suckers. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction (http://patreon.com/hellodysfunction) Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysf...
1hr 36m Feb 20, 2025
1hr 36m
S1 Ep289: Ladies of the Night
Crystal is adjusting to a new medication, be your own valentine, Pat is working toward her independent goals and Stevi had a hospital visit. Trump is so petty, Kendrick did a great job, hoes get your heels ready and emergency responders are hot. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction (http://patreon.com/hellodysfunction) Subscribe on YouTube! https://...
1hr 37m Feb 13, 2025
1hr 37m
S1 Ep288: Amen To Jesus
It’s been storming out, Mondays are for doctors appts, Pat is starting new meds and we learned a gross fact about our eyes. It’s Black History Month, practice good waxing etiquette, Peez is a supermodel and we’re just not very lady-like. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction (http://patreon.com/hellodysfunction) Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube....
1hr 32m Feb 06, 2025
1hr 32m
S1 Ep287: Indian Sex Chat
It’s Groundhog Day, dementia is not for the weak, Peez is punching people and Bunny went on a date. Mark needs to grow his hair out, jail dating can be lucrative, cure for hot flashes and Pat does not offer massage. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction (http://patreon.com/hellodysfunction) Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction ...
1hr 26m Jan 30, 2025
1hr 26m
S1 Ep286: Rest In Piss
We’re back! Happy Birthday Stinkers, Peez loves Sugawolf, Nyah finally got a good doctor and you might still be carrying your baby daddy’s DNA. We live in North Korea, Pat helps a neighbor sneak out, classical is medicine and don’t steal from dead people. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction (http://patreon.com/hellodysfunction) Subscribe on YouTube...
1hr 57m Jan 23, 2025
1hr 57m
S1 Ep285: Do You Have Lover?
Crystal had some major dental work, RIP Cat Woman, we need a shed and car stuff can be overwhelming. Carolyn won’t listen and Jimbo might be her roommate, Pat’s phone is full of mysteries, Crystal discovered a disgusting way to get high and we love a thrifting score. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction (http://patreon.com/hellodysfunction) Subscrib...
1hr 54m Jan 06, 2025
1hr 54m
S1 Ep284: Is He A Capricorn?
Co-sleeping is amazing, a few cigs are good as a treat, the 90s had the best shoes and stockings are Crystal’s jam. Peez loves Jesus, women are magic, don’t be a mood killer and corporations are GREEDY. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction (http://patreon.com/hellodysfunction) Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on...
1hr 33m Dec 28, 2024
1hr 33m
S1 Ep283: Disgusting Gender
Cults are fascinating, Carolyn’s chemical warfare, billionaires are scum and we’ve made some mistakes. Older kids are a different kind of stress, sometimes you just gotta explode, pigs contain human and nature provides everything we need. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction (http://patreon.com/hellodysfunction) Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube...
1hr 31m Dec 22, 2024
1hr 31m
S1 Ep282: Mark's Favorite Episode
Crystal had food poisoning and deleted our texts, Pat loves Home Depot and has been locked in with the DIYs. Playing 432hz at night might relax you OR terrorize your dreams, having kids later in life comes with a price. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction (http://patreon.com/hellodysfunction) Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunct...
1hr 31m Dec 15, 2024
1hr 31m
S1 Ep281: Poor People Ornaments
1970 was 30yrs ago, Pat started a new tattoo, Crystal is researching classified CIA docs and CEOs should be worried. Humans aren’t meant to be this busy, we miss a well loved bear, inspect your butthole and old people do not want technology. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction (http://patreon.com/hellodysfunction) Subscribe on YouTube! https://yout...
1hr 54m Dec 07, 2024
1hr 54m
S1 Ep280: Sponge On a Stick
It’s nice seeing family, salt might be causing migraines, Crystal was on a hunt for “Crisssssss” and we’re getting back in the gym. Experiences are better than toys for Xmas, Peez is thankful she’s beautiful, Grenandine is a lie and we want a rage room. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction (http://patreon.com/hellodysfunction) Subscribe on YouTube! ...
1hr 20m Dec 01, 2024
1hr 20m
S1 Ep279: Gay Christmas Love
Pat is your lesbian aunt that loves bowling, cigarettes are making a comeback, angry kids are not fun and angry cops are even worse. Everyone’s getting migraines, monitor your kid’s downloads, Facebook groups are a good time and basketball players are weirdly close. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction (http://patreon.com/hellodysfunction) Subscribe...
1hr 40m Nov 24, 2024
1hr 40m
S1 Ep278: Sweet Ass Ride
The universe gave us a Christmas blessing, American dental work pricing is shameful, increase your fiber and stay away from the Bad News Bears. Peez is subscribing to things, Pata Fria has a type, aliens are here and get your HD merch while you can! For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction (http://patreon.com/hellodysfunction) Subscribe on YouTube! http...
1hr 29m Nov 17, 2024
1hr 29m
S1 Ep277: Hell Yeah Brother
The energy is off in the world, you can’t be an outlaw AND a bootlicker, follow criminal etiquette and you have to eat food. Merch orders are now open, pedis are great without the horny parts, roid rage is not fun and good men still exist, somewhere.. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction (http://patreon.com/hellodysfunction) Subscribe on YouTube! ht...
1hr 21m Nov 09, 2024
1hr 21m
S1 Ep276: I'd Rather Be Pregnant
Doctors can be frustrating, Carolyn’s friends aren’t robots, don’t ignore your ailments and hang with us on discord! Don’t be mean to us, teen years are for making mistakes, Crystal’s cat wants in on the convo and merch is on the way! For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction (http://patreon.com/hellodysfunction) Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com...
1hr 1m Oct 30, 2024
1hr 1m
S1 Ep275: I'm Calling America's Most Wanted
Unexpected expenses are so rude, exes need to stay away, men still don’t know how to act and RIP MIMI. Customer service has gone down the toilet, we don’t want new technology, older kids are the pricey ones and we love a good dessert. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction (http://patreon.com/hellodysfunction) Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com...
1hr 30m Oct 25, 2024
1hr 30m
S1 Ep274: Boner Killer
So many birthdays, there’s guns at school, colonization never stopped and Crystal went thrifting with our patrons. Santana takes all the shine, back to back disgust, a little anal play might be fun and the exes always come back. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction (http://patreon.com/hellodysfunction) Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hell...
1hr 23m Oct 17, 2024
1hr 23m
S1 Ep273: The Boozy Brothers
Happy Anniversary HD!!! Don't tell people what you think of their body, praying for Hurricane Milton, and we love a good Freudian slip. Teenagers are not always fun, hold your ankles, Pata Fria has a feminist leg and Oktoberfest is cute. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction (http://patreon.com/hellodysfunction) Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube....
1hr 25m Oct 09, 2024
1hr 25m
S1 Ep272: Let's Have Less
We’re sweating again, Billy had a pet raccoon, Pat’s vagina is causing serious problems and men shouldn’t work in gynecology. Is WW3 upon us, we’re not fighting to survive, Crystal is still talking to strangers and Peez wants long arms. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction (http://patreon.com/hellodysfunction) Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.c...
1hr 8m Oct 02, 2024
1hr 8m
S1 Ep271: Hubba Hubba
Marcellus Williams shouldn’t have died, deathbed confessions are common, skunks are REEKING havoc and the car problems continue. We’re all tired of gross men, Pata Fria is a vehicular genius, kids driving and humans functioning with exposed brain deserve recognition. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction (http://patreon.com/hellodysfunction) Subscrib...
1hr 14m Sep 25, 2024
1hr 14m
S1 Ep270: They Tried It
We’re ALL in trouble, Pata Fria and Carolyn are sisters, cigarettes are Crystal’s love language and dentists are scamming. Everyone’s getting hacked, FB marketplace is addicting, Crystal hates babies and Pat wants to be poly again. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction (http://patreon.com/hellodysfunction) Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@h...
1hr 23m Sep 18, 2024
1hr 23m
S1 Ep269: A Game With No Winners
Carolyn has had enough of Crystal, Peez is making great choices, decorating is fun and Stinkers has been having a rough week. Our kids are never moving out, we enjoy being recognized, pay attention to new moles and there’s a video going around that will terrify everyone. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction (http://patreon.com/hellodysfunction) Subs...
1hr 30m Sep 11, 2024
1hr 30m
S1 Ep268: There's a Bitch in My Bed
We saw baby bobcats! don’t discuss dreams till after you eat, RIP Phil Donahue, don’t punish your statues and Pata Fria finally moved. Fully screen anyone around your kids, keep your episodes out of our DM’s, camping was a good time and Peez doesn’t bite her tongue. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction (http://patreon.com/hellodysfunction) Subscribe...
1hr 39m Sep 05, 2024
1hr 39m
S1 Ep267: I'm Busy Flirting
Happy Anniversary to Crystal and Mark!, T needs to leave Crystal alone, be careful who you’re doing favors for and Carolyn wants Jake. Pata Fria is trying new hair colors, Peez is growing up, stop finding creative uses for poop and grind your own meat. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction (http://patreon.com/hellodysfunction) Subscribe on YouTube! h...
1hr 14m Aug 14, 2024
1hr 14m
S1 Ep266: Don't Just Do It
Pata Fria has a shoulder injury, Crystal can see the notes from her psych evaluation, avoid processed meats and pervs are hiding cameras. Someone sh*t near Pata Fria’s head, finally some great news, the garage sale is Sunday and cottage cheese is currently that girl. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction (http://patreon.com/hellodysfunction) Subscrib...
1hr 26m Aug 09, 2024
1hr 26m
S1 Ep265: Flicking Your Bean
Pata Fria has different hair, Nyah’s party was a success, Peez is still being Peez and Crystal completed a very important appointment. Pata Fria has been manic and sweaty, Crystal ran into the awesome spouse of a listener, we’ve made some great friends as adults and strangers can be very dangerous. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction (http://patreon...
1hr 50m Aug 02, 2024
1hr 50m
S1 Ep264: Closed Hit Fist
We’ve had a rough week. Nyah’s cotillion is coming, Pata Fria played a crazy prank, Carolyn acted a fool in Target and there’s a special use for tape. Kamala is not a good person, justice for Sonya Massey, Pata Fria is collecting garbage and Crystal lives in a spider sanctuary. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction (http://patreon.com/hellodysfunction...
1hr 9m Jul 29, 2024
1hr 9m
S1 Ep263: How's Your Mom?
We had some beauty treatments, it’s Jimbo’s birthday, Stinkers might need surgery and our judicial system is a JOKE. Mosquitos are evil, what’s your communion snack, thrifting requires dedication and our presidential process is embarrassing. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction (http://patreon.com/hellodysfunction) Subscribe on YouTube! https://yout...
1hr 24m Jul 21, 2024
1hr 24m
S1 Ep262: I'm Free Bleeding
We’re back!! Crystal is feeling better, the hot weather is annoying, Charlene got Carolyn for her retirement gift and books are being enjoyed. Crystal’s adhd screening is moving forward, another garage sale is happening, Pata Fria was able to see her daughter and men are still disgusting. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction (http://patreon.com/hello...
1hr 56m Jul 12, 2024
1hr 56m