A Brat in Timeout

Jan 17, 2019, 10:06 PM
“Perhaps, I should be clearer. Sometimes I speak in riddles that even I don’t fully understand yet. It isn’t that I’m trying to trick. It’s my spirit; she speaks to you without my permission. When I pick up this pen I am written. When I speak honestly, it is only to you. Do you hear me? Do you dare tune out the rest for my sake? Am I separate entity? Or I am only alive in you? I get angry too. I am not human, but I fond of these emotions they display. I can’t fathom why they would want to hide them away from each other the way that they do. They are ashamed of the bodies surrounding them. Are they unaware that this is only a reflection of what lies within? Honestly, I can’t understand how they’ve come to be so stupid. I’m trying to teach, but they’re getting more pathetic by the second. The screen steals every ounce of energy. I give them my presence; they could have all of me. They take nothing. I don’t exist. I exhale loudly. They look up, dumbfounded. Am I not a child! Are you not exasperated with this loneliness! Do you feel anything at all! I’m yelling now. They are wide-eyed and curious. I have her attention. She almost types. Time is playfully forgetful if you let it be. Gradually they forget I am sitting in front of them screaming, drop their pretty little heads, and disappear again. I run. Ha! Why am I always so eager to run away? Have I no patience at all? Dare you trust my devotion? What is the spoken word exactly, without the movement to back it up? Why do we bother sharing the written word with anyone other than our own spiritual existence? It is such an intimate exchange of energy. Why do we treat sex like a drug? We seduce and sedate and become enamored by the addiction. What is fucking exactly, without the soul present in either body? Do you miss me yet? Don’t answer that. I’m not stupid little P, I see you running clumsily behind me. I’m not running from you. I’m just walking away. Be careful. Time is a delicate thing, if you let me turn this corner in calculating, I might just disappear. Poof!” These trees are unfamiliar. I must climb everyone before I leave. I’m the only boy in the park in a tree at 3 in the morning. I am the only girl crying with the sunrise. I am the only soul alive. I am not alone. I am waiting on her to catch up. Her love surrounds me always. Whether or not she’s forgotten. “I cannot wait to get my hands on your neck. April’s rain running down your spine, you arch your back. You are moaning. I can’t breathe! It’s an addiction! It isn’t safe! When I am with you I forget everything. I lose sense of time! I become every wave the ocean and dive beneath at 2 in the morning. The floor is glowing. The sky is on fire. I’ve always had trouble breathing above water. I tap my toes on the coral. I lift my thighs to the moonlight and go deeper. Fear tempts me; she swears it’ll only get darker. But I am the sun. I illuminate the depths of desire. I beg of your pain! I dare you to jump into the pull of gravity without seeing what is below. I promise water. Do you trust me?” I trust the night. I don’t trust human beings. They lie to motivate each other to act on their own personal desires. They do not seek their own freedom. They don’t look for the self. They are obedient. They hunt beauty. But they are blind as a bat in the broad light of day. Every move they make disgusts me. A beautiful body is an illusion. I see your insides decaying. Its no wonder you don’t want to be seen. Its no wonder you’re all dying. “I love you. And that’s enough for me. Is it enough for you? Dare you let down your guard? Dare you rewrite our story? Don’t make promises you can’t keep, baby. This land is drying by the millisecond! Alcoholics in the dessert stumble over freshly cut grass. When you’re squeezing the last drop into your aching throat, you’ll remember where the water went. Leave that filthy place. I know it’s all the same. But you’re not alone. I’m not chasing. I’m not waiting. But I am yours Portia. Yours and your alone. Be brave. Listen to the words you’ve written. My body is screaming for your salvation! I am being written for you. I am setting you free. It’s 1 in morning and you’re not asleep. I dare you babygirl! Show me what you’re made of. Brutal. Bratty. Beg if you need to. Give me the truth!”