Rit is back... again... listen, he's doing his best. He's bringing you RHOA's Season Premiere recap, a review of the Vanderpump Rules Trailer, and a quick thought on Teresa and Joe!
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RHOA PREMIERE WATCH NOTES
Kenya has a baby. Kenya: “It can only be one turn up queen in this house.” Now they’re showing Kenya be nasty to everyone…?
Kenya splitting from her husband.. I mean we saw this coming. Any time someone gets married all hush hush you know it’s not going to go well. People you need to date for YEARS before you get married. Kenya calls Marc: All circuits are busy. Please call again later. What?? That can still happen?
Cut over to Porsha whose baby is crying and it’s raining outside. Then there’s this dramatic package of Porsha’s relationship with Dennis. They’re really pushing hard how opposite she and Kenya are. They argued about ‘something that was on his phone.’ If we’re in a position where we’re goign through each other’s phones……
Tasha K says that it’s a woman named Sincerely that hooked up with Dennis. I love these ‘other woman’ names. Faith over on Vanderpump, Sincerely in Atlanta…
Kandi calls her surrogate mom. Ok guys what planet do i live on? I had no idea this was happening! First three scenes are about babies…. This doesn’t feel like it’s for me….
Now Eva is pregnant again. Guys I can’t. There are as many pregnant women on this show as there are franchises airing right now. Some part of me is like… is this the same pregnancy from last year?
Eva orders 4 deviled eggs, octopus, and cheeseburgers. Such a gross combination!
Eva: Last year I was the victim of disgusting rumors. Victim…? Really?
Here comes Cynthia… Guys, Cynthia is nice but she’s so boring. Mike Hill is even more boring. I don’t need to see these two on this show. I need them to get married and retire to a farm.
There is nothing I like less than a housewife DESPERATE to get married. It’s unbecoming. They’re too good for that! In her case it’s not like she wants to have a baby so I don’t get what the rush is. I feel like it’s a bit of that Luann thing where they just want to say i’m engaged and have a wedding.
Wait… Baily Wine Cellar actually happened?
Kenya: Have you had a lot of customers yet? Cynthia: uhhh welllll….
So Cynthia opened this random ass wine shop and then basically skips town to hang out with Mike? Why not just focus on building this up first…? What is the big deal about mike hill?!
Kenya wants to do a barbie themed party.
OH yes, I forgot Kenya showed up at the launch party in the finale and said “I’m supposed to not know Kenya was coming.” That was so great.
Cynthia is disappointed by her friendship with Nene. Why does ANYONE expect anything from nene?? She is the actual worst.
Kenya and Cynthia discuss Dennis and Porsha… SO we go from Porsha telling us she wants her mom and her sister to know the bare minimum about dennis, to Cynthia shoving cookies in her mouth saying she read about dennis and drugs and beastiality. Wellll guess her family knows now!
I love that Kenya goes after Cynthia for being thirsty to get engaged because honestly who cares. Why are we chasing things we’ve already experienced?
Lauren and Miss Diane come over to Porsha’s. I feel for Lauren. Her life is all about Porsha.
I really do feel for Porsha… but did anything think that guy was any good??
Eva Kandi and Cynthia get lunch.
I love how annoyed Kandi gets with Cynthia adding chill to everything. These women have to find Cynthia super boring and annoying, right?
OMG SINCERELY SENT KANDI A DRINK!!! Sincerely is here!! These producers are shadyyyyy. She comes over and is like “Hey what’s up! Can I sit down??”
HOLD ON. Sincerely sits down and says that she is the alleged mistress and these women are SHOCKED. There is no way they didnt know!! Having said that, they’re really selling that they didn’t know… i mean this is a bit too produced for my liking. She just happens to be at this random ass lunch spot?
They re-show us Tasha’ blog and they show these ‘headlines’ over her face. They were trying to go for this citizen kane moment of headlines rolling by and its literally like 3 headlines in courier font from the comments section of one article.
Sincerely: “I have a feeling it has to do with a vindictive hateful ex of his.” Ok who wrote this scene? And by the way they cut to Eva and of the three she is the LEAST convincing as far as this being a ‘surprise.’
Cynthia: I appreciate you coming over and sharing this with us. WHAT IS HAPPENING?!!? No!! This is weird!! Sincerely should deal with it herself! In this day and age, there are a million ways to reach out to someone. It’s not like you have to go knock on her door!
I died. Sincerely: “Thank you guys enjoy your meal!” Eva: “ugh, PLEASURE!!!” so fake!!
This scene has taught us two things: 1) Kandi and Cynthia are amazing actresses. Eva is not. 2) Kandi and Cynthia are fake. Eva is not.
Kandi: I forgot where I know her from…. NO WHERE KANDI!!!
Kandi doesn’t want to say anythign to porsha because of last year. There’s a difference between tellign someone ‘your boyfriend is a cheater’ vs ‘the woman who you thought was the mistress isnt.’
It’s true though, Porsha CHOSE to ignore everything last season.
Kandi notes that Porsha doesn’t follow him on social media anymore. Now how does she know that??? Kandi is getting messy now.
Act 5 and no Nene. She is not missed.
Cynthia arrives as Thirsty Bride barbie. I mean she isn’t wrong… Cynthia CLINGS to her one story line and just makes everything about that. Like when she turned 50 and did that 50cynth nonsense.
So on the step and repeat thing the have the barbie box but the plastic is so shiny and reflective that they have to stand behind. I bet those pictures are terrible.
Porsha arrives as Holiday Barbie. It’s nice to see that even when things aren’t going well she still goes over the top.
It’s fascinating that it took the two women becoming mothers to put their guard down.
Kenya: marc would have a fit if another man held his baby. WELLLL its gonna happen if you’ren ot around MARC!!
Eva not bringing her kids because of Kenya… relax. The only person that physically attacks people are Nene and Porsha. Porsha has moved on from that and Nene is MIA… Eva is so extra.
This party is cute but there are too many children.
Kenya and Porsha talk about their budding friendship. A great chance to revisit bye Ashey.
Porsha: “It takes a lot of energy to be mad at a bitch for years.”
Ooooh boyy, Porsha telling Kenya that Eva was afraid to bring her kids around her. I like that they’re both still messy even though they’re being positive with each other.
Kenya brings the story to Porsha about Sincerely.
Porsha says of course she was at Kandi’s restaurant. It’s trueeee. Kenya introduces the story but then brings the girls into the room.
Porsha tells us it was someone else that Dennis hooked up with but she’s too embarrassed to talk about it.
Ummm mike is going to propose in front of a bunch of other people…?