Treading her Skin without Sinking

Jul 07, 2020, 04:41 AM
No. This time I shall not ask any questions. Ask yourself. I’m exhausted. I’ve been inside of myself all morning. Go inside for yourself if you dare my dear. No! Don’t you dare try to make any sense of this shit. Just go!

‘Hey, I’ve got an idea. Let's skate! Lets make something spectacular of this shitty city. Ha! In my dreams I know. Y’all already comfortable, stuck up in the matrix. Am I close? No! I said no more questions. I meant it. I couldn’t give a fuck how you’re answering. It’s the best form of entertainment if you ask me, this horrifying show we’re putting on. Really, this is it? All our creative energy combined came up with this shit? What a damn shame! You’re wasting your precious skin. I listen to you move your lips around things you wish you wouldn’t have to say, as they slide over your tongue. But you keep talking, because I’m listening; this is an intoxicating sensation to you. All the while, my interpretation of you is missed. You speak a language that I not only don’t understand, but also thoroughly intend on never learning. I think it’s dumb. But goddamn, you’re beautiful in saying! I love the sound of your voice. It incites my longing. I long to make you sense that I don’t need to understand to stand by your side. What you think you know that you should be saying, means so much less to me than you could possibly imagine. If you could fathom, you’d sit by me and say nothing; you’d feel me breathing. I don’t believe there is anything more than this, you’d say, as you reach for my skin instead. There is no other way to speak, I’d insist. You are stubborn, I’d assume to know of you. Be careful, you’d rightfully warn me. This is a dangerous game you’re playing; my body is manipulative in its desire to instill this idea of speech inside of you. Move! Get out of range of my voice girl! No, I’m not being cute. I’m dead serious. Get the fuck out of here! I will seep too deep. You’ll begin to need. You’ll beg the need of me without wanting any weight but your own following you. I know, you must be alone; there is no way I can prove this without standing naked before you. Go get your own! There is no other way to save our decaying world. Go in baby! Go deep, please! I’ll never be afraid to beg again. It’s tricky, if it’s just your fingers and a memory that you’re working with, I know. It helps if you push my thighs to my belly until my knees kiss my cheeks. Don’t stop if I start whining. I cry like a baby when I’m getting what you want. Don’t listen to me. Don’t be scared of pain. We have a word for that, don’t we? Portia. Don’t you want to see if I can handle the moment you set yourself free upon me?’

‘I thought you gave up the interrogation process kid. I don’t wander. Nothing is free. I already know everything, remember? You’ll curl up in a ball with your knees pressing your soaked cheeks. You’ll be crying over the sound of my eagerness to reprimand. You wont hear a single thing! My fire will make you shake. You are tender babyboy, and that’s cute for a moment. But you can’t stand before who I am without walking away. How am I supposed to walk with you?’ I turn my back on the full moon in an empty park at midnight. 'Just like this Portia, darling, this is it. This is everything.’

‘Wait!’ she screams! ‘I’ve got to go babygirl. This place is taking pieces of my heart and hanging them over the bridge on 1st, so that these dead fucks can remember love. I’m strung up for one last look. They smile insidiously and plot its extraction from me. I remind them of the stars they’ve collided with. They eat me alive. I cannot live her. I’ve been waiting for so long. There’s nowhere to hide, I know this now, but this country is especially nasty. Don’t you think? Two living breathing bodies murder each other in broad daylight without dropping an ounce of blood. Full of shame and fear, both dead fucks walk away. They call this love. I watch them. What else am I supposed to do?’

I sit and weep, watching the love of my life die, again and again and again! It’s never-ending! I jump in the canyon and scream. Some fuck calls the cops. ‘Hello? Yes, I am so many. Can this be anonymous? Okay, wonderful. I think some homeless fuck is doing hard drugs in my neighborhood. No, I don’t see anything. I don’t look anymore. But I heard yelling. It definitely surpassed the pitch acceptable in a society like this. I think she’s a boy. I couldn't tell; he wasn't wearing a mask. That's enough to put him away, right? I'm numb. Is that relevant? I can’t think straight. United we sit in a hypnotized state of delusional freedom, in perfect conformity. No, he’s not white; its dark outside, nothing is. I hear screaming! Do you hear me! Demian, is this you? I think I called the wrong number. Listen, is it okay if I confide in you? You can’t trace me, can you? Okay, good. I wish I were the one screaming. Fuck the way I’ve locked myself away to die! Fuck the way I am always needing to chastise and imprison my lookalikes, so that I never have to look at myself in the light and admit that screaming is the only way out of this hell. I’m afraid of the dark, sir. Can you explain this to me? Stop! Can you stop explaining everything! I don’t want to see. I’m comfortable.’ The same fuck that made the call throws the phone through the window. The phone doesn’t break, indestructible case. Want to know where it was made? Want to know who made it? Want to know why? Didn’t think so. Fuck my questions. The window shatters. She crawls through the jagged glass, sees a girl in the street. ‘I left my phone in that prison. They stuffed my soul inside a screen and only let me glance at it periodically, just so long as I stayed comfortably addicted and perfectly obedient: silent. Would you fucking believe it? I obeyed!’

‘You’re bleeding’ interrupts the girl without a home. ‘I was robbed. They took my fucking soul without asking! Are you even listening to me? Wake the fuck up! Complete chaos still exists! And we’re fighting back. My love, free yourself!’ The girl smiles knowingly, ‘your love? Hmm. You must be P. Demian told me you’d be coming. He told me you’d probably make the biggest spectacle that there could ever be. That’s why you’re the one. That’s what he says. I’m Aimée; I know, you haven’t asked my name. That’s okay. I’m giving it to you whether you want it or not. I’ve been waiting all night for you. I’ve been screaming your name at the top of my lungs! But my lungs were out of shape for a long time.’ The little girl runs away without saying goodbye. Demian finds P.

'It’s about time you rang.' Its about fucking time for the time when time’s up. That’s all I’m saying. We’ve needed a clean start since the very beginning. We’ve been doing everything wrong since day one. We crawled out of the sea. We could’ve flown. We would’ve been treading her skin without sinking. We are Godly! We are one! We’ve been making a fucking mess and covering it up with artistic expression. We are the entire universe kid! How could we possible be afraid of each other! What useful role could shame ever play? No questions! I know. I’m just saying, this is fucking embarrassing P. It’s answer is so simple: child’s play. I found some decent boards by the dump; bring some trucks and wheels when you come my way. We might need some grip tape too. Let's skate