“This time, she’s staying by my side! Try to stop it! You’re magic dies on me. I am made of the air you breathe and everything that you think you possess lives for me.” The train rattles as I speak. The silhouette in the door frame isn’t listening to me, looking straight over my head like I wasn’t there. She speaks insidiously “Jade, babygirl; listen to me. I’ll tell you one last story and then this is our stop. Don’t cry little lady. I know it looks like a scary place. But we’ll get you dolled up in no time, no matter your age. You wont eat much and you’ll forget how to use your voice, and the result will be stunning; all the boys will want you, I just know it! Isn’t that what you wanted sweet girl?” Jade nods her head willingly. Her smile is sickening. I puke. Portia and my other stuffed animals are covered in my own vomit. I cant clean it. I cant breath. No one notices a thing. Her mum continues. “Good! I knew you would. Now listen. This part is important. It’s about a dangerous boy who will try to take your beauty away. He will be covered in whatever it is you decided to eat last night. He will reek of all the darkness you never gave the light of day. He will stare at you with this decaying reflection. How you will come to love him, I will never know! He will insist that you shave your head and abandon beauty. He will drag you into the deepest parts of the canyon at obscene hours and dance to prove himself right. The dancing will enliven you. His steel blue peepers will hide behind the impossible size of his pupils. One glance will manipulate you. You will want to give up everything you think that you own and join him. He will drive you mad! You will blame the violent tendencies of you nature on his persuasion of them. He will insist upon it. He will invite sadness to sleep with you. He will lay himself naked before you and offer his flesh as a sacrifice. He is the only one that you mustn’t adore Jade. For it is his destiny to die at your hands. And he intends to take this dream away from everyone. Can you imagine, dear girl. A life without one single thing to be owned but a stuffed Pig and a stuffed whale, a brown jacket, a cute hat, a whip, a pair of strong boots, and some old swim trunks for bathing in the river. A life without ownership, a life without hierarchy of human existence; not an ounce of currency to be valued but the skin on your bones. Home will be the vessel you are in. Human exchange will be lust and need: love will return. This longing for touch will remind us how to become intimate with every season, in every hour of the day and night will find sleep happily. We will exhaust ourselves like wild children with every new day, squeezing as much adventure in it as possible; as it is the only one.”
“What will the whip be for?”
“No questions! Pay attention to me Jade! This story ends gruesomely. You must avoid this boy at all cost.” Jade glances over her shoulder, she doesn’t see me. “What are you looking for?” Her mother asks sternly. “I don’t remember.”
“That’s okay, I’ll remind you.” Says the boy she adores. “The mother makes a gesture. The daughter mimics the display. She only wants her attention. But she’s so clumsy. She can never do anything sexy enough. Beauty is naturally trying to burst through every cell of her being to exult the childlike nature inside. But she isn’t a child anymore; she has work to do be done. Her skin is clogged with the performance. It takes time away, this masquerade. She is not concerned with the sacrifice. She has to go. She might be late. She might forget the warning and fall into the arms of the boy she hates. There’s a girl outside my window. She’s digging through the remains. She’s screaming, she is feeling hunger. There is a boy in a big truck. He is dialing 911 on a screen that he chooses to stare at every day for the majority of the hours in which he lets himself stay awake. He sleeps timely. He behaves himself well. Her mother is proud. The boys and girls dressed in blue learn to shoot someone else’s definition of danger. The rest of the messed up kids learn to dial a number. They are terrified of everything. All the predetermined definitions, all the scriptures built on lawful faith, and all the boys and girls in blue. Haven’t you noticed? We are all fucking scared of each other! The men with guns drag away the girl I love. The mother summons. The daughter cooperates. The dangerous boy retaliates. Its time to go Jade! The story is over and the train is disintegrating. We need to get the fuck out of here!