Happiness is One-sided, Celebrate Pain

Oct 23, 2020, 05:25 AM
“Yes, I know. I just don’t care. I can only see the blue. The hatred doesn’t register in my line of sight. This life is embodying you painfully. But I’m not afraid anymore. I’m serious, I’m not afraid of anything. Don’t look at me that way baby. I know I’m not your friend. And still you cannot stop loving me. That’s not the way that love works and you know it. There is a nasty thing at play. Let it go and watch it self-destruct. When the thought of me returns, the stars will have their way. Until then, I’ll dance in all the parts of the park you’d never dare to stray. This darkness is not for the departed. You must be alone. You must be so lonely without these eyes of mine. Its okay kid, your secret is safe with me. I dance for decades. The path that enters this canyon disappears; I have no choice, I can’t go back. I can’t look back baby girl. You must find another way in. I remember everything. You’re born. You die. Again you lift my body. Water is all I need. You’re crying. Today is too heavy. I can’t lift you. Today you’re born. Today I die. Today you find my eyes. Today is blue. Today is black and white. You’re in pain. I know more than you think. You don’t think about knowing nothing the way that I do. You’ve forgotten. You left me waiting. You said: I do. I did nothing to stop you. I had no desire to control our meeting. There is hardly anything left in this world but pain. You were swallowed whole. I jumped in behind you. But I was indigestible. You spit me out. I begged you to swallow. I wanted to go with you. You couldn’t eat anything. A horrific fate was set out for me. I picked it up and walked away. You’re too scared to look so far ahead, that’s okay. I’ll run a little further in front of the day so you wont have to tear up for no reason. Behind my thighs is no place to stand if you don’t remember what I taste like after a night of warfare. I want to play fare. Truly. I’m not sadistic. It’s my own pain that I’m after. You’re after the same. Its not fare to you really. I’m ecstatic, knowing you exist while slowing forgetting what you sound like. I’ve never been so happy in all my life; the depths of sorrow that steal my body in motion as momentum. It’s midnight. My legs are dripping wet. I’m crying. It’s silent. I don’t even need music to do this anymore. I swear I can hear you singing. Next time around, the screen wont take full possession of you, you’ll be screaming. You wont let this body go to waste. You wont waste night after night working for another man’s bright idea of the perfect night on the town. Next time it’s you and me dancing. Next time I fight by your side. I tried to make a deal with god. I tried to sell my soul to the devil. I tried to trade my thighs for your lips between mine. I tried screaming. Everyone told me to shut the fuck up. Everyone told me you weren’t listening. You were. I closed my eyes and everyone disappeared but you. I don’t need you to keep my secrets from me. It is only you. I dance for you.”