The Inevitable defeated position of All Fours

Oct 29, 2020, 05:03 AM
“Hi. I know that neither of our bodies has any right standing by each other’s side. But I still want to say goodbye aloud. Screaming it into my pillow never did do the trick. I ran head first into a thousand feather stuffed dreams, and not one of them returned you. Sage. I think if I let you…” 
“I know. But the moon said otherwise. I didn’t get a choice. I tried to decide. It left my body at your mercy. Remember?” She feels numbers pulsing under her thumbs, 6 1 9 6 7 3 2 6 9 7. She doesn’t like riddles. She is offended by the sense of touch. She throws the tiny screen across the room. It doesn’t break. I hold my breath and hope it does. I’m in another room. A pentagram lights up 400 paper butterflies. When I close my eyes, she’s dreaming. I’m sticking to a single thought. “If I were stuck in a hole filled with butterflies, I’d cry. But I wouldn’t say it aloud. If I was trying to cry aloud and all I started doing was making obnoxious sounds, would I be sounding anything out? The incoherency could be language if I intended it to have meaning, right? Isn’t it only a matter of intention, this language we are speaking? Isn’t it my voice that compels you to move? This is why you fear my presence, isn’t it? Wait. That question was framed to receive only one kind of reaction from you. I’m confused, what is it that you want exactly? If your desire is the last thing that crosses your mind, what does that make the thought of me, exactly? It doesn’t have to be in exact measurements. That’s too well thought out. Is this the moment when I reach out my hand and you take it? Teach me how to speak, if you are to hear it. I will never speak of the colors you see and you will never sacrifice your sight for my language. Can’t we hold each other anyway? I hold myself tonight. You do things differently. You scream for warmth. I pray your shame dissipates, as you lie dreaming. I dream the moment you wake up, I’m walking down the street in your direction. Only my feet know where you are. I cannot bring myself to ask a single question. I cannot force myself to want to know you. I only know that I already do. It doesn’t matter if you’re still asleep. If you never wake again, I’ll never know. There will be no reflection if I am never reflected through you again. There is no such thing as repetition. This is the first time you call out my name. This is the very beginning. The end happened a long time ago. There is nothing left to wait for. Nothing lies ahead. The body is a molecular force of energy. The flesh waits for nothing. I don’t sleep. I don’t eat. I wait. I think your sacral chakra is fucked up baby. I move where the energy forces me to go. I know nothing of you. I am coerced. I am summoned. I am commanded of. I am too obedient for my own good. I am perfectly still. I am breathing like a Friesian. I am racing a butterfly around my room. I am running. I am terribly shy. I have known fear on every inch of your physical form. But there is nothing that scares me now. You are reflecting my love. I am sure that I hate you. Hate is not a strong word. The word you are searching for is love. This is where the destruction begins. The hateful children try to balance her manipulative force, but there is no amount of energy that sums up the weight of her; there is nothing to force. Violence against her disintegrates. She utters one word and we all go up in flames. Love destroys all things. This is the nature of our being. There is no way to live without her; no escaping our inevitable beginning.”