A Formal Invitation to Fucking Everything, Tear Down my Defenses

Nov 17, 2020, 03:48 AM
“Hey P. I’m ready.” She gets on all fours and starts playing with a puppy. “Prove it. I’m terrified. I only see you using my body and leaving me naked on the cement. I only see death here. I only see a dream collapsing in on it’s self. I only see decadent display of flesh and bones. I only see poison. I only see pain. It’s a well-deserved decay that has fallen. I cannot fight it alone. I only see you. I know you are coming. I shaved my ass just for you. Though I don’t intend on giving your fingers the pleasure of control. Not until I know. I need to touch, or it’s not real.” She’s sitting on our living room floor. I’m standing in the doorway. I’ve opened it with the intention of running away. Snow is rushing past my thighs and sticking to her flushed nose. “I don’t want to leave you.” She sneezes and giggles. “Shut the door, will you babe. Why are so fucking dramatic about every little thing. What about taking what you want is so threatening? When did you become hesitant to move on what is yours? Are you ashamed of abandoning me? Ha!  Don’t answer that. You are shamelessly in love with me. I know. Don’t move baby, I’m coming.” She jumps up in one wild motion and steps toward me. I step back. “No! I want the snow! I want the moon. I’m inhaling poison here. I don’t want to leave you. Listen to me. If you touch me I will fall to the ground and start shaking. I’m not aggressive, I’ve just been waiting a little too long to play games. The walls that I’ve got up are so high; I’ve forgotten which dimension I’m running in today. Is this the one where you take my voice away? Is this the moon that you return it? How have you been sleeping between dreaming of me? Does it hurt to wait so long? No! Don’t tell me how tough you are! Shake out the numb baby! You’ve let it pacify your existence for way too fucking long. Now we move. I don’t want to leave without you. Get your coat. We need go! We need to get out of this place immediately. You need my skin. You are aching. You are begging your body to take one more step. Take it. I dare you.” She takes it. One was all she needed. Her body took control in movement and brought her to me before she could decide. Her snow freckled nose is touching my own. She reaches her arm behind me and closes the door. “Take off your coat.” she whispers in my ear. “Stay awhile. We have a lot of catching up to do. This might take some time. We cant just run away baby. First you had to wait for me to catch up. Then I had to prove my desire true to you. Stop shaking. I can’t think straight when you are in my presence. Your vulnerability is terrifying to me! Its not personal, I just cannot stop loving you no matter how hard that I try. Drop your guard boy. Lets see what we left here that would not let us continue without picking it up. You are safe my love. We are home. Look, do you remember this fireplace? For the last ten years I’ve been laying a blanket down on the floor in front of it. Your body is tender. I want to experience pain with you. But preservation is key. Preventive medicine: my love. Your knees can use all the support they can get. We can run if we must. But first, you must remember every inch of my skin. You and I both have a lot of remembering to do. I’ve forgot everything the moment I took your voice away. You’ve forgotten touch. I forgot to remind you. I had a lot of memories that I needed to let go of. I am I too late? Dare I stay too long?” I put my arms around her waist. “I won’t wait forever. You don’t believe in that word. Ultimatums and uncertainties drive you insane. For the life of me, I can’t figure out why. I am in love with insanity! Look, baby! I’m out of my mind! Words are tricky, always have been. Always will. You hear me rushing you in. I hear an expectation of your arrival. It’s about fucking time! I’m not angry. Not anymore. It’s too soon for pleasantries and defensive positioning. I want my body. You want your soul. What are you waiting for?” 

“An invitation.”