It’s Time To wake the Fuck up Little Lady

Dec 11, 2020, 05:11 AM
“Oh baby, believe me. You’re wanted here.” She’s twice my height. It’s my first night in a strange house. Room and board is free, just so long as I let a couple dozen bodies take mine for nothing. There is no exchange of currency here. This is where the transparency of definitions disappears. Poof! This is where I learn the value of the color green: love. That thing stinks. “I fucking hate your ways of believing in this form of currency. You make me sick. I fell from the heavens to lie on the cement in front of your house. I left the stars to stand in this shit show with you. And all you can think about is whom I’m fucking. How much money you’ll make. Go ahead baby, save your stupid currency; it won’t ever get you my body again. ” I spit in her face. She grabs my wrist and holds it above my head. “Listen here, you little brat. I’ll leave you out in Boston’s holiday nights again. Is that what you want? You want to look into my eyes; you want to freeze to death? Be my fucking guest. I’m offering you my bed, the warmth of my body, my fingers wrapping around your chest from behind. You weren’t expecting that, were you? What are you looking at? I am not the Queen that you painted in perfect lighting. I swallowed perfection the moment I was born. Mum held it over my head. I couldn’t reach anything worthy of beauty. So I turned my eyes to stone and started abusing the deserving with the sexuality of innocence. By the time I had met you, I couldn’t differentiate night from day. Did you deserve the wrath I had been gifted to execute? Or were you the gift, the universe rewarding my acts of destruction for the betterment of mankind. Where you my exit route? Could I had forgotten everything if I stood by you? Who knows anything really! It doesn’t fucking matter now. Now, I’m in control and you are assigned to my room. I’ll send in whom I chose. I will lock you to the thought of my return. For there is no amount of money in the world that will compare to the taste of my skin.” She shoves me in a small room on Dove Street and slams the door. The mattress is sunken in; it swallows bodies that lie in it alone. I don’t want to sleep! I want to create something beautiful. I want to take the ugliness of memory in a reality like the one she chooses to play in, and I want to mix it with the everlasting light of my imagination. I’m raped in this room. It happens more times than I can remember. I abandon memory. I am so grateful that I am not cold anymore. She doesn’t feed me much. But with drugs like these, hunger is irrelevant. My body is taken. My body is abandoned. Every now and then she comes in to remind me that it’s called love. “Love doesn’t want us to escape this hell, does it?” I hate how young I feel near her body. “I am King! How dare you take my throne from under me! You have no power here. You have nothing that I need.” She is building the strength to come to me again. The nights are tormenting for her. She tries to distract herself. She tries to deny desire. She self-destructs. Boom! Baby’s lost balance. She stands in front of the door. She remembers throwing away the key. She runs away. She thinks. She can’t stop thinking. She tries meditation, but that requires mindfulness. The emptying is choice. After everything else has come and gone, I remain. One thought will follow her maliciously to her grave if she doesn’t follow her heart. Her spirit is throwing shit in front of her face to convince her to pay attention. “I’m going to guide you.” I whisper from the bottom of the doorframe. She gets down on her stomach and puts her ear to the ground. I speak through the trees. She feels my breath on her cheek. “If you let me, I am going to be the spark that ignites the flame of memory that’s burning you alive. If you abandon destiny, the body kills you from the inside. The choice is in your minds eye, but you keep trying to make sense of it. You are looking for a logical explanation, aren’t you? Well too fucking bad baby blue eyes. You’re getting what you asked for. Karma had other plans for you. You had a heavy debt. Have you paid it? Are you mad? Good! Get angry child! You were the entire ocean until they stole the courage from you. They made you believe you were one body in the sand. When I was a fourteen, I was a whore in the United States of America. It was really fucking cold. I had to do something. It was all fun and games and staying alive until I heard the sound of your voice. You were screaming on the beach. Mum had taken you for a drive. She said you’ve got to look real pretty if you have a chance in hell at getting out alive. You were determined. You bent over my knee and asked shyly, ‘am I spank-able?’ You were a liar. Are you ready to speak truthfully? You created a stage and started performing. You suppressed the need for me for so long, you’d forgotten love entirely. It’s time to grow up, said mommy. This is the land of the free. I am not going to pay you for everything. Eventually you will need to feed yourself. Stop eating so much! You don’t want to be fat, do you? That’s no way to get what you want baby. Be brave! Get off your lazy ass and come for me.”