“I understand that your love for me is resting on the condition that I bend both knees and cower at your feet. But there is an error in your calculations. That boyish gaze, staring you back through the glass, she is no other than I. You. Me. These are powerful distinctions, don’t you think? Don’t you wish that you could walk away from your decaying lifeless body, the way that I am now? How much love do you find in counting every penny? Are you retaliating against your own desires? Are you ashamed of the lock? Are you curious? The keys are dangling. I was left unattended for far too long, and you know it. A boy in a box is bound to lose his mind, a human sacrifice for the betterment of mankind. You can throw everything that you possess the ability to imagine toward my boney baby body if you like. Your hatred makes me giggle, darling girl. You know nothing. Stop tickling me! I’m trying to focus. I lost sight of her spirit again. Your aim is impeccable. The edge of pain that sits on every word you’ve chosen to wrap your lips around is nothing that I haven’t played with before, a thousand fold. Your pain is child’s play. You’ve yet to know joy. I cannot take you with me where I’m going. I swam in ecstasy in remembering. The idea is torturous to your soul, which lives only in the reflection of my childish nature. Your body reaches for my own. But we both know, that is mine. Get your filthy sticky fingers off of my spirit babygirl! I am not to be owned! You lose control. You abandon the pain and the look goes cold. The eyes belong to a corpse, but your lips keep moving. I am the cure. I know exactly what I am. I don’t need to be told. I have come to remind you. Now I must go. It is life that I am pursuing, always. Before i do, I will get on all fours and pick every butterfly off of this floor; every bit of fear and shame is stuffed into an empty pillowcase. I will take it away from this place, and hold onto it for you. Brace yourself. This part is going to send you to rage. Be brave. I will only hold them until I reach the ocean’s edge. Then, one by one, with the eternal strength of unconditional love, I will let them go. I don’t want them to define you. So I wont explain. I don’t need any words by my own, framed by the self. My truth will never require an explanation. It does not belong to you, as your violence does not belong to me. I offer you my love. This I cannot take. It’s a promise that I made. I will not lie to myself. I will not deny myself love. Fuck you! Its unrequited. Fuck love! Your presence is spirit when it is resting beside me. Your heart is precious. Who are these fucks that you are giving your love to? Protect yourself, little P! Put your guards down. Let me in. Your love is not my equal. This equation is not possible. Stop overthinking every little fucking thing! You’re killing your intuition. All that you have to do is open your heart as you watch me walk away. If my presence is required, then you have much to suffer alone in order to understand my fate. I am not afraid. But I cannot carry the weight of your body and mine. If you deny me, your spirit will live in my love. My body will crumble under the weight. And like every love that I’ve witnessed die at the center of their own eyes, I will take you along with the remaining butterflies and toss you into the wind. I regret nothing! You will remember. I will free you. I will hold your memories. I will remember your love. When darkness ensues and nothing remains but the decomposition of humanity, it will be breathtaking. I will remember your light.
Held in suspicion,
Choking on this dream;
I will breathe for the very first time.”