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[00:00:00] Hello siblings. Welcome to the Sensory Siblings Podcast. I'm your host, Louisa Shaeri, and this is beaming to you from the solar system, the liberatory framework, and unmasking unschool for creatively identified autistic folks who are seeking another way to see no and be yourself. This is a radical re-imagining of what's.

[00:00:26] Possible when we redefine ourselves from within, by unlearning who we are, not making self connection. Our goal, activating the languages of our sensory oriented perception and creating the culture shifts to activate futures and cells, it all starts within,

[00:00:49] Hey siblings, how are you doing? All right, so last week I spoke a bit about this concept of a tunnel of UN and the unlearning of socialized ideas about ourself. What we didn't go into is where those ideas and masks and habitual self come from, which is all the ways that we are taught by society, by the media, by our upbringing, specific ideas and values and ways of doing things, and it can lead us.

[00:01:21] To start to adapt to what we don't really like or settle for things which don't reflect your potential or to not acknowledge yourself for what you've created and overcome. So those habits of separating from yourself and negating how you really feel or what you need to be seen for. Are also survival strategies and coping mechanisms that have been useful that got you here, that helped you get here now, but becoming who you are being called to become next.

[00:01:59] That version of you that you're growing into might need a next level or different set of strategies. And that doesn't necessarily mean letting go of the old ones, but sometimes. It's finding new ones. It's an evolved self concept. It's your sense of who you are becoming unstuck to those past versions of you not knowing who you're becoming and moving forward.

[00:02:28] What comes next is finding new ways to be yourself and a new depth of self-realization, and this process of growing until those old strategies no longer fit. Or feeling the need for new ones, or feeling the need to build upon those old ones and in order to grow into new unknowns, that feeling out in the dark, that is the tunnel of un.

[00:02:54] This is this idea of unlearning who you are not, which is the first step in the solar system. So just to recap, because today I wanna give more of an overview of the solar system in its updated form. The past versions focused on the nine planets. Yep. I know there's eight Pluto's been demoted, but supposedly there is this Planet nine that has been seen by post ocular means.

[00:03:23] It's been calculated using mathematics. Anyway, the number nine is what we're working with nine planets and areas of focus in the solar system, and more recently in the delivery of. This nine part framework, I've been able to refine it through grouping these nine planets into three separate steps. So three groups of three.

[00:03:50] And today I want to get into those three steps that contain these nine planets or areas of transformation and how you are always on one of these three or sometimes even two or more of them. So. Having this kind of cyclical seasons in a growth period means you can identify where you are at in the solar system, where, which of these three steps you are kind of currently working on.

[00:04:19] Which problem am I facing and which of these three steps am I currently at That will then point to the solution. So consider it a framework for. Identifying where you are at in a current growth curve by locating the problem that you're facing in one of these three steps, and then using it to frame the problem in terms of what can you do about it, how can you respond to whatever you're facing?

[00:04:45] Okay, so just to zoom out a bit, the solar system is a framework that I came up with in early 2020 to kind of contain. And distill what is over a decade of thinking about the problem of how to see and know and be yourself as a neurodivergent, specifically autistic status traits. But it really applies across the board of being human, let alone you're divergent.

[00:05:17] And to think about it in terms of personal responsibility. So the ability to respond, which is different from blame, it's what can I do in response? And to think of it in terms of personal responsibility without bypassing the systemic issues, but actually asking or how do we begin to solve them and which embraces and exalts the sensory sense making within each of us as the basis for new ways of doing things, new designs, new forms of knowledge.

[00:05:51] Including self knowledge, knowing how to actually be yourself, how to make this life work, how to make sense of being in a human design world where there is inequity, where things are designed via industrialism, imperialism, one size fits, most structures, and so on. So the solar system's gone through various iterative evolutions in the process of sharing.

[00:06:20] And teaching and coaching through it. But essentially it's a process of self becoming for late identified autistic folks that focuses on how to create visibility, agency and energy. So visibility, meaning social and systemic, as well as personal and relational energy as in spoons, as in your energy is yours to direct.

[00:06:46] And it's not a sunk cost of just being alive because of how much over adapting or masking or sensory overload is required to navigate, um, this human design world. And then agencies about having the tools and mental models and structures that would actually support and extend and enable the uncommon cognitive style and embodied style that you have.

[00:07:10] Okay, so visibility, energy, and agency is the goal. And there are three steps that focus on each of those. And within those three steps are a further, uh, total of nine planets, three in each. And I will go into details later on, but I just wanna focus today on those three overarching steps, each of which relate to.

[00:07:36] Visibility, energy and agency so that you can locate whatever immediate problem you are personally facing or seeking to solve somewhere on this system, somewhere on this model, and therefore know what to do about it. Okay, so the first step in the solar system, the, the first step in a journey of unmasking and self becoming and aligning your life in your world with.

[00:08:03] Who you really want to be and how, and how best works for you is unlearning that gaze of dominant culture, of normativity, of ableism and, and many other isms intersecting, unlearning that external gaze in your self concept and unlearning it in your actions. So in the solar system, there are three planets in this first step that are each a kind of mini course and process that you move through.

[00:08:34] And just to give an overview, planet. One is unlearning social conditioning. So the social condition of a white supremacist, racist, ableist, cis hetero patriarchy. Specifically, how does this show up in my relationship to myself? And then number two, unraveling the autism construct. So we trace the roots of the ideological underpinnings of the clinical, uh, definition of autism back 2000 years so that we can see where we might be replicating these, uh, kind of ideologies that led to this idea of, of disorder and deficiency and abnormality.

[00:09:22] How they, where they come from and how we might be. Unconsciously replicating them in our own thinking. And then number three, undoing habitual self negation. Noticing where am I acting in agreement with ideas and values that don't serve me? Creating awareness for this. Where do I experience misplaced shame because of ideas and thoughts that I inherited, that I received, that I then.

[00:09:51] Practiced and absorbed, but which don't actually serve me. So how you know that your problem is step one, is because of how it leads you to feel. So this might be shame triggered by an experience in which someone else expresses an opinion or acts a certain way towards you in, in ways that lead you to feel less able to take up space or that produce shame or that you respond.

[00:10:20] To through wanting to hide or fake or conceal or some kind of inner sense of inadequacy and deficiency. Um, and I'll just clarify there that sometimes it's not, uh, shame or inadequacy that, that motivates hiding or concealing or keeping yourself safe. So this is more about when it is motivated by shame or, or an inner sense of inadequacy.

[00:10:50] That may have come from outside, but that you've internalized as a split or a disconnection. So it's alienating in some way. And this means tracing these ideas back to their sources, back to their roots outside of you, back to a systemic or external source. And to know it's not about you, but about these systems of harm that are replicated and deeply embedded.

[00:11:17] And so. Creating disconnects in the culture. And, and those disconnects become replicated in ourselves, in our relationship to ourself. So creating awareness of these and then how do they play out in your life and how, how have you internalized them as not enoughness or as unconscious privilege or entitlement or need to be right or as misplaced shame or guilt or inadequacy and so on.

[00:11:44] And it's often not enough to know. Intellectually about these systemic issues or or where the these come from or what the roots are and how they might have played out in your own socialization. Because you can know all of these things and that does a lot, but you can know it and then still not experience transformation, which then leads to disillusionment.

[00:12:14] I can see the problems. Yet, I'm still stuck. And this is why information and knowledge about systemic issues is only the beginning. Recognizing where you may have internalized them is step one, but there are two more steps to completing a cycle of transformation as I formulated them in this solar system.

[00:12:38] So the question to ask yourself is step one. Is, is this shame or trauma or unfelt experiences that I can work on? And where am I making this mean? Things about me? Which then brings us to step two, which is creating self-esteem, and I like to define this in a very specific way. In the solar system, self-esteem is created in your relationship to yourself, your self regard, your thoughts and actions you take.

[00:13:09] The degree to which you honor sustained self connection. Okay? So that's the definition that I wanna offer you. That self-esteem is created in your relationship to yourself, your self regard, your thoughts and actions you take, and the degree to which you honor sustained self connection. So this is really about how self-esteem comes from self connection.

[00:13:37] And self connection is being connected to the experiences you're actually having. It's being able to create safety in your own body, mind, and in your own relationship to yourself. Being on your own side and being connected to the insights and true boundaries and instincts, and inner knowing that arise within.

[00:14:01] So often we think about low self-esteem as being about seeing ourselves in a way that is less than, or that doesn't reflect positive self-image or identity, or that is about underestimating what we're capable of or that we should be something else or any way in which we are feeling bad about ourself.

[00:14:23] So low self-esteem being negative feelings about self. And I really want to reframe this as, uh, that your feelings about yourself, if you have low self-esteem, are actually coming from your thoughts or your beliefs about yourself and the world that are inaccurate to you, that are skewed, uh, distorted in such a way that it then leads you to feel.

[00:14:52] Negatively, and then to take actions from that place of negative self regard and negative feelings. So reframing negative feelings about yourself coming from specific thoughts and beliefs, which may or may not be conscious. Which might be that there is something that you have to do or be in order to feel good about yourself, or to be worthy or to begin, or that something else has to change first, or that you need other people's acceptance or approval before you can be yourself or before you can approve of yourself.

[00:15:29] Okay, so this idea that you have to change something about yourself or outside of yourself in order to. Feel good about who you are or that other people are to blame for how you feel about yourself, which then means you're at the mercy of their actions or that you don't deserve, or aren't worthy of what you really need or want.

[00:15:50] And when the values and the rules and the thoughts that society teaches don't enable and affirm, we can easily end up with low self-esteem. So having been conditioned to disconnect from ourselves in order to fit in. Disconnecting from our own values and our energetic congruency and our sensory needs in order to fit in with what is given social esteem, what is seen as correct, what is valued, what is seen as right, what is wanted, what is desirable and true.

[00:16:20] And there are studies that show when autistic people experience having a social identity that's negatively conceptualized, it also impacts self-esteem and even mental health. And I would posit that it's because of the impact of that negative social identity on your thoughts and then therefore on how you feel about your experiences and how you're interpreting them, the meaning that you're giving to them, that then drives the actions that you take.

[00:16:51] That then affirms and replicates those disconnects because that's what you are thinking and believing. And of course, for others to treat you badly. That is a form of disconnection too. We are taught disconnects from the planet and seasons and rhythms, and from each other and from other beings. And maybe we can also think of all of our social ills as disconnects.

[00:17:18] But if you're having thoughts about yourself that are like this, that are negative. Then those thoughts are gonna lead to negative feelings that then drive specific actions or inactions that then reinforce that sense of a low self regard or even hopelessness because those actions will lightly create more of what you are believing.

[00:17:41] We unconsciously are always trying to prove what we believe. We are always seeking confirmation. It's called confirmation bias. And taking actions on those belief beliefs will teach your brain that your beliefs or your thoughts are true. What we act on is what we begin to believe is true. And so if you don't think you're worthy, if you think you are wrong even on a subconscious level, then maybe you're gonna do take actions like over adapting to other people or outside circumstances, lowering your baseline standard for what you're willing to put up with.

[00:18:17] Thinking that that's all you get or that that's just the way it goes, or you might be tempted to distract yourself from the negative feelings that those negative thoughts create by avoiding your feelings, which is another form of disconnect. So we'll stay there if we believe our negative thinking, and we might think it's outside circumstances that are continuing to make us have low self-esteem.

[00:18:45] And that may have been the precursor, but the reason we stay in low self-esteem is because then we believe those thoughts that are coming from outside beliefs are just thoughts that we've practiced and that we think a lot. So if you've been thinking about yourself a certain way for years, it's a question of maybe those are just stories.

[00:19:04] Maybe they feel true because you've thought them a lot or because that was the feedback you received. So it's a question of. Questioning those thoughts, trying on new ones, finding evidence for them, practicing them, bringing conscious awareness and attention to what you're even thinking and believing that may be driving how you feel about yourself and your life.

[00:19:29] We think a lot of thoughts in a day. Most of them are running on loop and running past programming. A lot of that programming will be coming from outside influences. So if you've been taught that you're supposed to act a certain way. That you're supposed to be able to do something with ease or that sharing your gifts is showing off, et cetera, then if you believe those thoughts, then you're going to relate to and interpret your circumstances as if that's true.

[00:19:56] So to conclude, step two is about creating self-esteem. Low self-esteem is the result of thinking thoughts that lead to taking actions that result in disconnecting from self. Because your sense of self-honoring is lower than you're conforming to outside expectations or values that don't, uh, actually affirm you.

[00:20:23] So the question to ask yourself for step two is, is this problem happening in my relationship to myself? How you create self-esteem is by leveling up the quality of the relationship that you have with yourself. Including your self talk. So the planets, just to cover them briefly, the planets for step two are make self connection your only goal.

[00:20:48] So this takes the focus off of trying to be right or trying to think yourself or trying to think your way out of how you feel and into honoring the messages from your body. Five is author, your self-belief. So this is when we get into. Tools for thought work, for working on uncovering those negative and inaccurate thoughts and beliefs, and then replacing them with, uh, thoughts and beliefs that enable greater levels of self connection.

[00:21:21] And then six is center in your strengths, which is about knowing where you have opportunity to create more energy through creating more interdependence. And then step three. Is creating social esteem. So social esteem is created through how other people relate to you. Think about you and support and affirm your actions towards sustained self connection.

[00:21:48] And it needs to be both positive and accurate. It's no good if it's positive, but inaccurate. Sometimes we get misread in ways that. People think they're affirming us when actually it's not true to us, and it feels like the opposite. I used to think that social esteem was only up to other people, that it's just out of our control.

[00:22:12] But actually we can create social esteem by modeling to people what to think about us through the thoughts and values and structures that we choose and live by and embody. So this is not about telling anyone else what to think or trying to change their thoughts about you or needing them to agree with you, but instead embodying the high self regard that you've developed as an assertion and a reality that is true for you.

[00:22:44] And so the creation of social esteem is the creation of culture shifts for marginalized folks. It is the invention of new models, new rules. New values, new structures, new gestures, ideas, thoughts, effects, relational patterns, experiences, environments, designs, et cetera. So the creation of social esteem is the creation of culture shifts.

[00:23:11] So organizing your world into alignment with who you really are, modeling the values that are true for you, modeling the structures and the self regard that you wanna invite people into. And keeping strong boundaries around them. And so this is about those culture shifts happening in your own life in more tangible ways.

[00:23:33] So you've created the self-esteem in step two, you've set a new baseline standard for how you regard and think about and treat yourself. Now, everything in your life then starts to match up with that. So you don't need other people to accept you or approve of you as a prerequisite to accepting and loving yourself and believing yourself, and you can create both self-esteem and social esteem.

[00:24:04] So the question to ask yourself and how you know that your problem is in step three in this creation of social esteem. Is, is there a new level of leadership and responsibility that I'm being called to embody? So do I need to share with people a perspective that is transformative? Do I need to call people into seeing more of me?

[00:24:28] Do I need to allow myself to take up more space? What cultural forms and messages and visibility can I embrace? As the reason why I'm here, what structures would actually enable and extend my inner traits and so on. And if this is all sounding scary and intimidating, then it's about returning to steps one and two and building up that self-assurance and self connection so that you can love yourself all the way through taking those new actions and designing those new structures and communicating with others.

[00:25:03] Being in your body in new ways, forging new relational patterns and connections and so on. So the important thing to say is that there is nothing left out of these steps. This is all of it. This is how to unmask. This is how to see and know and be yourself no matter what the outer circumstances are. And this is also how we expedite the emergent perceptual and cognitive possibilities.

[00:25:32] Within us into tangible forms and collective structures by each of us unlearning who we are not. Then creating self-esteem and then creating social esteem to shift the culture. First of all, in your own life, this is what creates the energy, the agency, and the visibility to design your life as you would have it, and have the cultural or artistic impact that you want.

[00:26:00] And maximize on what you can control towards solving the barriers that you are facing and that we are facing. And this is what I coach people through in the solar system, plus siblings. This is the framework that we move through. This is the blueprint. So you can sidestep a lot of unnecessary misdirected ideas.

[00:26:20] You can identify where you are at in the particular growth curve that you're on, and focus only on what actually creates the results that you want. With the support and within a group of people who also get it and who experience a lot of the same things. Okay, so to recap, is this problem in my life about my own unlearning first, or what I'm making it mean about me, or that I've adapted to a normalized what is harmful or isn't for me?

[00:26:52] Or is this step two? Is this about creating self-esteem through increasing self-connection? And so I'm not looking to other people to fill that gap or approve of me as a prerequisite. Is this about stories and beliefs I'm telling myself? Or step three, is this a problem that is inviting me to step into leadership in my own life and setting a new standard, inventing away and modeling the social esteem?

[00:27:20] You're looking for? Is it about putting yourself in a position to follow through and experience who you could be next in this world? And if you look to other marginal cultures that have created an impact and that have transformed the culture, these are the steps. Step three is how the world knows about it, but it's built on a foundation of steps one and two.

[00:27:43] Each new growth period for you individually in your own life. Each new evolution of self also follows this pattern. So you might reach a place of contentment after step three, but then what comes next for you in your life might be art, but am I worthy of that next thing I want? Is this allowed? Maybe I'm not good enough, and so on.

[00:28:05] So every new level up starts this whole process again. So to finish, consider what problem are you facing right now, and if it's a story that you're telling yourself or a question of self-confidence and being on your own side and believing in yourself, or if it's a question of taking new actions with that belief, with the goal of setting a new standard in your life by being and embodying.

[00:28:35] And modeling for others how you regard yourself and inviting them into that. It's only ever one of these things that you can respond to your life with, if not all of them at once. And this is really, yeah, the summary of the solar system as a three step system of self becoming that is cyclical and always repeating.

[00:28:58] As we evolve into new unknowns. So unlearning who you are not, which is that tunnel of discomfort, creating self-esteem, which is creating that inner basis of self-connection and then creating social esteem, modeling, uh, the values and, and the, the regard that you have for yourself and inviting others into it.

[00:29:23] And the final step is having a network. Of supportive connections with others. So having a network of sensory siblings or others who are able to affirm and ground in and reflect back who you are becoming, where often those who think they know us best aren't able to see where we are going and who we are becoming.

[00:29:50] Alright, siblings, talk to you next week.

[00:29:56] Thanks for listening to this week's Sensory Siblings podcast. Head over to Solar systems.xyz where you can join the plus Siblings Discord server and discuss the topics explored with other listeners. And if you are ready to go deeper into activating your future self, I want to invite you to join my six month unmasking unschool called the, so.

[00:30:19] System plus siblings, you're going to unlearn the habits of self negating, then create self-esteem, self clarity, and the self-belief to model the social esteem that will create culture shifts first in yourself, and then rippling out into everything you do and beyond. Head over to solar systems xyz slash.

[00:30:41] Siblings where you can join the solar system, plus siblings and I will see you inside.