Meghan: Previously, on Quest Laid Plans:

[eerie synth music]

Esther: Hi, Kit.

It's been seven years since we've talked.

So maybe some other stuff has happened since we've last chatted.

Noriah: Great.

No one's-- No one's fighting.

Jesse: So Esther's familiar is a shiba husky.

I was thinking I'll roll a d4 every time I cast this spell and based on like what

it lands, the shiba has like a different degree of like how fucked up it is.

Meghan: It is the hottest guy any of you have ever seen.

Neda: Do we know this hot elf?

Meghan: This is Khabriel, this is Khiron's baby brother.

You guys notice as the night goes on that there's an empty chair at the table.

Maya: Were we expecting-- Anybody expecting anybody else?

Meghan: Porla says,

Porla: That's for Khiron.

Meghan: And just as you feel the tears about to spill over, you see some of

the fairy lights dim, and they all sort of concentrate on this makeshift

stage, this ledge with this covered memorial that we're all waiting to

see unveiled, and this podium, and up to the podium steps Kyralius Murrie.

Kyralius: Well, good, good evening, everybody.

Thanks for coming.

This is the main event.

This is what we're all here for.

It is at this time that I would like to invite Khiron's brother Khabriel

Omaralei to the stage to deliver a poem.

Khabriel: They came from all over, the glorious eight.

They came without knowing they do something great.

Winswip: This is a very accurate recap.

Wow.

Khabriel: Now 10 years have passed and we still miss our girl-- I'm sorry.

Meghan: And then he runs off stage.

Kyralius: I think we can all agree that this is, you know,

that was beautiful, and--

[sound of explosion]

Meghan: You see in the place where Kyralius was a massive gaping toothy maw,

and I need everyone to roll initiative.

Out of its mouth you see fly this dark shadow and it shoots out a

tendril, almost like a long leash that it wraps around the worm's neck.

And you realize you were being set upon by this nasty-ass like, giant bat creature.

Winswip: Flat the bats, everyone, flat the bats!

Meghan: You see Khabriel using his magic to sort of lift the statue up

back to its upright position and as it hits its mark and stands, you see

the statue draw its sword down, take its other hand off of its heart, and

it squares up and faces the Wraith.

[eerie music fades]

[theme music begins]

[theme music plays]

Meghan: Welcome to Quest Laid Plans.

The podcast that asks the question: can an old party learn new tricks?

I am your dungeonmaster, Megan Kelleher, and with me are the five

previous owners of my cat, Cake.

Maya: Hi, I'm Maya S.

Ming, and I play Winswip Pom, the air genasi gnome rune fighter, who's

finally getting to see some fighting.

Phil: Hi everyone, I'm Phil Arevalo.

I play Kit Marpola, the water genasi monk, who has no idea

how he ever got to own a cat.

Jesse: Hello, I'm Jesse B.

Koehler, the human boy, confused boy, golden boy, Esther Mifiance, sorcerer.

Jamie: I'm Jamie Hathaway.

I play Aveline Javri Skywatcher, a circle of wildfire Kalashtar druid.

Ready to burn some stuff up.

Neda: And I'm Neda Marie Valcheva and I play your halfling wizard rogue,

Noriah Windsworn, who hasn't done magic in front of her friends yet.

Meghan: Alright.

[tense music begins] So last we left off, we had just finished one very long and

very exciting round of combat our first combat, which occurred when the dedication

ceremony of the statue of your beloved lost friend Khiron at your 10th final

battle reunion was rudely interrupted by a young Remorhaz bursting out of the

ground and swallowing up the head and vice head of the adventuring guilds.

And not only did that happen, but then it barfed out a Wraith which

then started tormenting it by putting it on a leash of shadows.

And you are now contending, in addition to that, with three Strigoi who have

approached you from behind and started sucking the blood of Brekx and Kit

and Noriah and a Strigoi-- I said this off-air, but then I was like,

that's funny, I'll say it on air.

Um, it's basically like, um, a bat-mosquito mixed with a hairy toddler.

Jamie: I hate it.

Phil: I don't like it.

Jesse: Oh.

Meghan: I don't either.

Maya: I was going to make fun of you for the like, behind-sucking thing, but now

I can't because you mentioned toddlers.

So thanks a lot.

Meghan: Yeah, there's a lot-- that's unfortunate.

The last thing that we witnessed was Khabriel animating the statue of his

late older sister and this beautiful, marble and gold, larger-than-life figure

of Khiron raising its marble sword and squaring off against the Wraith.

So the next thing that happens is that this statue levitates off of the

ground and eerily glides across this stage platform area over to the Wraith,

where it attacks with its great marble sword and severs the link between

the Wraith and the young Remorhaz.

So this shadowy leash is severed, it dissipates, the young Remorhaz

[worm scream]

Meghan: rears up and screams and is happy that it is free.

And at this point, uh, we are back at the top of the order

and it is the Wraith's turn.

You see its shadowy form kind of jiggle and be agitated for a moment.

And then it is going to realize what has just happened.

And it is going to launch itself at the Khiron statue and latch

onto its neck and see what that does with an animated statue.

I'm going to make an attack roll for the Wraith.

Phil: I feel like we're inferring the intelligence score of this Wraith now.

Jamie: Yeah.

All: [laughter]

Maya: Yeah.

Maybe a little.

Meghan: Okay.

So let's see.

Yes.

You know, what's crazy?

Neda: So many things.

Maya: Just maybe tell us.

All: [laughter]

Meghan: You are all sitting here thinking this is nuts.

This, this, this Wraith can't suck life out of a statue.

That's ridiculous.

However,

Maya: Oh no.

Meghan: It has been imbued with life, with magical life, from

a college of creation Bard.

And so it is-- You can kind of see it like sucking, um,

[sound of Wraith sucking]

Meghan: you see like magic kind of moving through the bronze in the

statue, like as though it was veins.

And the statue, which has hit points and a little stat block, is going to take an

amount of damage that I will now roll.

Jesse: Good.

Maya: Love to be retraumatized.

Neda: Yeah.

I was just thinking we're at our friend's memorial...

Maya: We're watching her statue, just, you know, just...

eat it.

Neda: Watching her heroic figure just get fucking whomped again.

Meghan: You see the magic kind of flowing through as if the marble was skin, you can

see it sucking out and into the Wraith.

The statue is going to take 19 points of damage.

And when the Wraith detaches itself, you see it's, it is moving a little bit more

slowly as though it's made out of stone and not just a straight up large lady.

That is the Wraith's turn.

And now it is Winswip's turn.

And I realized that in the previous episode, I think I had the Strigoi go

before Winswip, and that was my mistake.

I think you were supposed to be first, so we're gonna just fix that now.

Maya: Okay.

Well, good.

I'm totally ready for that.

The Strigoi that was attacking Noriah, is that one still alive?

Meghan: Yep.

They're all still alive.

And as far as I believe, I remember saying that that Strigoi had disengaged from

Noriah and was now, um, fighting with you?

Maya: Yes.

You did say that.

So I'm going to fight it back at least once with, with the Warhammer.

Just go for it.

That is a 12, which I don't think will hit.

Meghan: No, it will not.

Maya: It's just, it's too dang wiggly in the sky.

Meghan: Well, having flattened it before it's now an even weirder

target, because if it turns side-on, it's like, where'd it go?

Maya: Yeah.

That's-- Mmhmm.

We'll go with that.

Okay.

Uh, I guess I'll just go, go for it again.

And, uh, how about a 16?

Meghan: That will hit.

Maya: All right.

Cool.

I'm-- I did something you guys, I hit a thing for a full 5 damage.

Phil: Still counts.

Meghan: Still counts.

Maya: Yep.

Um,

Neda: Thank you.

Meghan: Look at us just a bunch of crazy millennials with fucking

decades-old references that we're still guffawing over.

This is great content, you guys.

Phil: Does anyone even know who Akon is anymore?

All: [laughter]

Meghan: That was like the first iPhone app, was like, turn your voice into Akon.

Maya: Oh, wow.

That just like unleashed a deeply buried memory.

Neda: I hate that we're finding our brand and the brand is this.

Maya: We don't have to--

Phil: We don't have to stick to that yet.

Meghan: That still counts.

Jamie: I think when you make a podcast with the premise that it's like

adventurers, who were like angsty teens who are now slightly less angsty, mid

twenties to early thirties, people-- We're going to be like weird millennial gen Z

cusp people making references from 2012.

Neda: I'm going through and cutting every single reference

out of this on my producer pass.

Maya: I think I have other actions I can take, but I just

think it's not quite the time.

Winswip does see the drama that is happening with the statue and this Wraith

and wants to help, but she is not going to leave until she's sure that this

thing that was attacking Noriah is dead.

So I think she's going to stay there.

Meghan: Okay.

Maya: Also is Noriah still hiding behind her?

Neda: Yeah, Noriah is technically hidden right now.

Maya: Okay.

Does Winswip know that Noriah is hiding behind her?

Neda: I don't think so, but also I-- you don't need to worry about me.

I'm good.

Maya: No, I know.

I'm just picturing, she just like swings, you know, this hammer, just kind of

lightly nails this thing and is just like,

Winswip: Noriah?

Are you okay?

Where'd you go?

Neda: Can I, as a free interaction just give, like, her massive

calf muscle just a little tap?

Meghan: Oh yeah.

Phil: Calf tap.

Winswip: Wow, okay!

Neda: Just like a very gentle little like,

Noriah: Hi, I'm down here.

Jamie: You definitely, this definitely has happened before

with like the size-changing stuff.

So you definitely have like an elaborate system of basically like Morse code that

you can like tap on her leg to be like, "I'm good" or "I'm not good", or...

Neda: A variation of my Thieves' Cant is that--

Maya: Oh my god.

Jamie: Yeah.

Neda: --I give Winswip--

Maya: Morse code on Winswip's--

Neda: --little taps on her legs.

Phil: Calf taps.

Maya: --meaty leg.

All: [laughter]

Winswip: Oh, I forgot what that felt like.

Sorry.

Neda: Aww!

Meghan: Aww.

So next in the order are the Strigoi.

The Strigoi who is attacking Brekx is going to disengage and fly over to,

uh, Avilene, and just kind of keep its distance, maybe like six or seven

feet from you, just out of reach, and just kind of menacingly hover.

And as a reminder it is very bloody and rather than attack you--

Avilene, give me a perception check.

Just as a free thing, I know it's not your turn, but just...

Jamie: 15.

Meghan: I'm making up rules and no one can stop me.

Um, you notice that rather than attack you, it kind of keeps

its distance a little bit.

And it's sort of like licking itself, like a cat.

It appears to be like licking all of the blood off of itself that

had spilled when Brekx attacked it.

Jamie: Is that, is that its own blood or is that Brekx's blood?

Meghan: It is Brekx's blood.

Jamie: Okay.

Neda: No longer baby.

I was like, oh, baby, but it's not, it's-- it's not baby.

Phil: Have we seen vampiric shit of this sort before?

Meghan: Um, I don't think you have seen-- You maybe have seen Stirges, so

you would maybe be like, "these are like Stirges on steroids", but you wouldn't

have seen like these specific things.

Phil: Okay.

Meghan: I think that in general, this sort of necrotic-y, dark-flavored magic is not

super known and developed in this world.

Phil: All right.

So this is pretty fucked up.

Meghan: Yes.

Indeed.

Maya: Panic level high.

Meghan: Yep.

The Strigoi that is already engaged with Winswip is going

to attack and it's going to...

Winswip: You are a really nasty-ass bat.

Meghan: 21 to hit with its proboscis.

Maya: Yeah.

Let me, let me just double check.

Yes, yes.

Yes.

That definitely-- Mmhmm.

Definitely hits.

Yep.

Meghan: Mmkay.

And so that is going to do 8 piercing damage and 10 necrotic damage to you.

Maya: Well, fine.

That's totally, I'm totally fine with that.

Meghan: And it's also going to reach out with one of its sharp claws and

it's going to attack a second time.

Does a 15 hit you?

Maya: No.

Meghan: Okay.

So it doesn't quite-- Its claws don't quite penetrate your armor, but the gross

sucking proboscis gets right in there.

Winswip: Oh God really don't like that.

Meghan: Yeah.

It's it's not, it's not great.

And then the third one, which had been engaged with Kit, uh,

is going to disengage from Kit and move its way over to Esther.

And again, not really attack, uh, just kind of hover menacingly.

And that is the Strigoi's turn.

It is now Esther's turn.

Jesse: Great.

I also remembered that Esther had, at least less than an hour ago, produced

his familiar to impress Avilene and never had the familiar disappear.

So I wanted to check if we can say, with combat, like it's still with him.

Meghan: I know we made a ruling that Addie was still here, right?

Jamie: Yeah.

Phil: Yes.

Maya: Mmhmm.

Meghan: And in that case, I think, yeah, the, does the-- I forget,

does the ugly dog have a name?

Jesse: Yeah.

So I was trying--

All: [laughter]

Jesse: The, uh, ugly dog's name is Fink, and, and, and that's, that's the truth.

Uh...

Meghan: Okay.

So Fink is still here.

Jesse: Fink is here.

So yes, I am going--

Jamie: Is that spelled with an F or a pH?

Jesse: Wow.

[laughs] How dare you?

Meghan: It's not just a familiar, it's a jam band.

Jesse: That is a sweet F cause I'm not a madman.

All: [laughter]

Neda: Can we get an F in chat for Fink?

Meghan: F in the chat for Fink!

Neda: Who is very much alive, just Fink.

Jesse: Yeah.

So I think I-- How far away is the Wraith from Esther?

Meghan: It is still probably like 60-ish feet as the crow flies plus up about five.

So like with the trigonometry there, it's like, I don't know.

I literally don't know, but it's more than 65 feet.

Jesse: Okay, that's just fine.

Meghan: It's the hypotenuse of 65 feet and 5 feet.

Jesse: Great.

That's awesome.

So I'm going to use a Magic Missile as a third level spell, um, which means

I get five sweet darts to distribute.

And because I have Fink at my side, I can have the help action on my attack roll.

Meghan: Sure, you just have to be a storyteller for a moment

and tell me in what way that the ugly dog is helping you aim.

Jesse: Is helping me aim?

[laughs] I think--

Maya: Isn't it auto-hits?

Phil: Yeah, doesn't Magic Missile just hit?

Meghan: Oh yeah, they do.

So, yeah, you don't need the help action.

Jesse: Oh, okay, great.

So then--

Jamie: You don't need the help action, but Fink is giving you moral support.

Jesse: Yeah.

Meghan: Fink is helping by reminding you that they auto-hit.

Jesse: Yeah Fink is kind of losing her mind right now and is

like jumping all over the place.

So I'm going to send three of these missiles at, uh, the Wraith.

Meghan: Okay.

Maya: She's a lady ugly dog.

That's feminism.

Meghan: It's like, yeah, women can do anything.

And it's like, oh, you know why you couldn't solve that logic puzzle?

Because the ugly dog was a woman and you've made assumptions.

All: [laughter]

Jesse: So that's um, 12 force damage to the Wraith.

Meghan: Okay.

Jesse: And then I'm going to send the remaining two to this bat

boy that is floating close to me.

So that's 6 force damage.

Meghan: The one that's near you, I'm assuming?

Jesse: Yes.

Meghan: It's coming to a theater near you.

All right.

So all of that does full damage.

So, uh, I'll start with the Strigoi.

You fire two missiles at it.

You see the two missiles hit it and, uh, it's knocked back a

little bit with the force of it.

Then it is able to kind of fly back to where it was, but you could

tell it was like, not expecting.

It's like when, when you see somebody, um, get shot, but wearing a bulletproof

vest, like you can tell it still hurts.

And, uh, then the missiles toward the Wraith, you see, uh, they fly up, they

arc up over this elevated portion of earth and they hit this Wraith as it's

just pulling off of the Khiron statue.

And it does not expect it.

It hits all three of them just [imitates missiles] right in the side of the Wraith.

You see them go straight through.

And now there are these holes in the Wraith and the shadow then

reconverges around the holes, but it looks a little stretched thin.

You can still kind of see through where they were.

And the Wraith turns its head towards you and you see in its creepy, soulless

eyes that it just sort of smiles.

Maya: Ew.

Kit: Esther, are you sure you wanted to get its attention?

This doesn't, this doesn't seem great.

Esther: Yes, of course I want to get that fucking thing's attention.

Get the fuck away from my friend!

Meghan: Do you want the dog to do anything?

Jesse: Uh, no.

The, the beautiful creature you mean?

Meghan: Oh yeah, our beautiful daughter Fink.

Jesse: Yeah.

Meghan: Fink is going to just hang.

Jesse: Fink's going to stay at my side.

Meghan: Fink takes up a protective stance in front of you.

She's um, she's surprised.

She's a guard dog.

Jesse: But Fink's protective stance is just like roa-- Like, losing her

GD mind, just like running around, like her tongue is like falling

out of her mouth, like saliva...

Meghan: Oh god.

Uh, it is now Noriah's turn.

Neda: Noriah has been hiding, kind of falling back on

her rogue ways of the past.

She was ready to attack something that's near her.

The bat boys have since moved.

So Noriah will take a bonus action dash as her cunning action and dash

fucking as close to between the Wraith and the big boy as I can get,

just going north, fucking jumping over a row of chairs, running out.

I want to get away from everyone.

I want to get between the worm boy and the Wraith.

Meghan: What's your movement?

Neda: My movement is uh, usually 25 because I am tiny, but it will be

50 because I'm bonus action dashing.

Meghan: Okay.

So then what I'm going to say is that I'm just going to double the movement

for-- I'm assuming you're sort of like, climbing up that little incline

instead of going around up the ramp?

Neda: I just want to get-- I'm assuming if I were there in person, I would kind

of see the shortest, easiest way to get as close to them as possible and as far

away from everyone else as possible.

Meghan: Sure.

So I'm going to say that you manage to run, bolt, scramble up this little

platform, this naturally-occurring platform, up and a few feet inwards

onto the platform, sort of between where the Wraith and the Remorhaz are.

Neda: Beautiful.

And as I arrive there, I will cast a second level Thunder Wave,

and I would like the both of them to give me a con save DC 16.

Meghan: Okay.

We can make that happen.

Maya: The little halfling makes big boom.

Neda: Little halfling makes big boom.

And for y'all's sake, you've probably not seen Noriah select wizardry

over rogue shit in combat before.

[sweeping music transition]

[falling synthesizer notes]

Meghan [flashback]: Alright, we have the devil.

Neda [flashback]: Oh god, I keep drawing major arcana, okay.

Meghan: I know, damn.

This is like a significant time for you.

You know what, though, the cards know.

Like the cards know what's narratively going to be interesting,

because this one is "your character engages in risky behavior".

That's up to you, whatever you feel comfortable with and whatever your

character would consider risky.

What are they up to?

What's the motivation behind it?

How does it affect them?

Neda: I think...

at this point, I would be like nineteen, and freshly full of magic, but also

just dealing with a bunch of shit.

And also still roguish.

I liked danger, and I think I spent a while doing whatever the

spell-casting equivalent of fight club is, just going out like to a

bar where I can find a hookup or someone to fucking wizard duel with.

I think she would go out to like whatever establishments exist in this world.

Taverns and shit.

And just, you know, play on the being tiny and being very unassuming and very

cute and just finding people to duel with.

Meghan: Sex and wizards' duels, I love it.

Neda: Yes.

Meghan: Amazing.

So now you get to change another adjective.

You can change the same one that you just did, or you can do a different one.

Neda: I'll do a different one.

I had put down withdrawn as in like, not being able to express that she cares about

other people, slash things, slash causes.

And I think I'm going to change that to...

"present".

Because I think that getting your ass kicked by magic a bunch will knock

some sense into you at some point.

[sweeping music transition]

[tense music resumes]

Meghan: Okay.

The Remorhaz has crit failed and the Wraith got an 11, is that going to...

Neda: DC 16.

So they're both going to take 3d8 of damage, which I'm

going to roll in a second.

They are also--

Meghan: It's going to be halfed for the Wraith because it's resistant.

Neda: Of course it is.

Uh, it's still going to take some damage and they are also

pushed 10 feet away from me.

I was facing them with my back completely towards everyone else.

So they will essentially be pushed just north.

[rolls] Okay.

And they're going to take 16 damage, or halved, to 8--

Jesse: Nice.

Neda: --from my Thunder.

Meghan: Okay.

Neda: And then I'm just kind of stuck there because I used my bonus action

and now I can't go back to hiding.

That's my turn.

Maya: Good shit.

Neda: Thank you.

Maya: Did you, um, Morse code Winswip that you were leaving before you left?

Neda: Oh, for sure.

I gave you like a tap of like, I'm about to do some bullshit.

Maya: [laughs]

Neda: It's a very elaborate, like, little rhythm and then I fucking dash.

Meghan: All right.

You send this Thunder Wave.

Quick question: what is the range of the Thunder Wave?

Neda: It's a 15 foot cube originating from me.

Meghan: Okay.

So I just want to see if you would have gotten the statue in there.

Neda: I was hoping to, like-- I would have positioned myself where

I'm excluding it on a corner.

Meghan: I'm going to say that you managed to, yeah.

I'm going to say that you managed to exclude the statue because it

is like just over 15 feet from you.

And I'm not just fudging that.

Like I just looked at my little map.

Neda: Beautiful.

Meghan: So you managed to miss the statue, you Thunder Wave...

What does it look like slash sound like when you Thunder Wave?

Neda: It's just,

[thunderous rumbling]

Neda: it's such a deep, deep sound before thunder breaks and actual

like nature is just a rumbling.

And I don't think it's as much of a visual thing as it is-- Where they

are, it just quivers a little bit, like ground on a hot summer's day.

It vibrates and then they're hurt.

Meghan: Oh yeah.

So we see with the Wraith, it is almost like a sonic boom of

energy just pushing it back.

And you see some of its wisps of shadow dissipate, but not

being in contact with the ground.

It's not fully affected, but the Remorhaz being still sort of half

underground, half above ground and a very noise-sensitive creature-- as we all

know, that's sort of how it navigates-- you see it just absolutely go berserk.

Uh, it takes-- it has these little spindly arms and it kind of, you can see it

trying to cover its like, weird little ear holes, that you now realize are ear

holes now that it's trying to cover it.

It is screaming.

It does not like it as like nails on a chalkboard, or for my fellow

misophoniacs out there, it's like somebody just ate an apple in its ear.

Does not seem happy.

You see it actually with its little, scratchy, insect claws

start scratching at where its ears are until it like draws blood.

And that is, that is, that is what you see from that.

Maya: Oh dang.

Neda: Oh God.

Jesse: No, no, no.

Don't think it's cute.

Phil: More of that!

Jesse: It's evil.

Maya: You messed it up.

Jamie: Fuck.

Meghan: Is that your turn?

Neda: That is my turn.

Thank you.

Meghan: Okay.

It's now Kit's turn.

Phil: Okay.

Just to be clear, the sitch is there is one Strigoi, who has

disengaged, but it's still kind of close to where Esther and I are.

Meghan: Mmhmm.

Phil: Uh, and the other two are actually also kind of close to us, right?

Meghan: Yeah.

They're currently-- The one is engaged with Esther.

The one that is, yeah, there-- It's-- From right to left, it's like Kit,

Esther, Avilene, Winswip, and the Strigoi are on Esther, Avilene, and Winswip.

So there's kind of three in a row.

The furthest away one is like 30 feet from you and the closest one

is probably like 5 to 10 feet away.

Phil: So first I'm going to put my sling away and as a free action, like

take out my other, uh, eskrima stick.

So I have both of them out.

And then I'm going to move to the Strigoi that is closest to me.

And I'm going to take an attack with like both of them at the same time.

So this is sort of like versatile, two-handed, both clubs going in.

So it's like a quarter staff, except I have it in two hands separately.

Meghan: So two eighth staffs.

All: [laughter]

Jesse: Woof.

Woof.

Meghan: Cute little fractions joke for everyone.

Do you love the amount of basic math I've worked into this today?

Hypotenuse...

If anybody's studying for a math exam, you're welcome.

Phil: Okay.

First one does not hit.

That was a 10.

Um, I'm going to do that again, and that was a 16 to hit.

Meghan: That's going to hit.

Phil: Okay.

So, uh, that is 6 damage.

Meghan: Okay.

Phil: And I kind of yell at Avilene and Winswip and Esther.

And I say,

Kit: If, if these, uh, Strigoi get more grouped up, can one of you, uh, take--

hit-- a bunch of them at the same time?

Is that something any of you can do?

Jamie: That's what I was going to try to do.

Phil: Okay.

So, um--

Jamie: If you can bunch them up for me, I can pull something out of my sleeve.

Phil: Yeah.

So, uh, since I hit on that, and that's bludgeoning damage and I have the crusher

feat, as I hit it, I move it five feet diagonally towards where Avilene is,

or where the Strigoi near Aveline is.

Meghan: Hell yeah.

It's like martial arts baseball.

Home run.

Your aim is incredible.

And this thing is both bludgeoned and it is pushed towards Avilene.

It is now Porla's turn.

Porla had previously been kind of cowering behind a bush,

tree, situation with Khabriel.

You see Porla, first of all, watch everything that's going

down with the Khiron statue.

She looks distraught and she-- You can clearly hear her say,

Porla: I'm not doing this again.

Not again.

Meghan: And she pushes her way past Khabriel, who sort of almost falters in

his magic, but manages to keep it going, and Porla sprints up towards the statue,

which-- Noriah, which way did you say you pushed the Remorhaz, just like away?

Neda: Away, like north, like up.

Meghan: Okay.

You see Porla put a hand on the statue as if to steady it, and then you see her turn

her attention towards the Remorhaz, and she is going to cast Blindness Deafness.

You see her take from under her sort of ceremonial garb a necklace that

she's pulled out from her shirt.

And you recognize this as the spell-casting focus that she's

used when you knew her, which is a feather in a little glass vial,

just supposedly like an Axiom Relic.

And she holds it out towards the Remorhaz and she murmurs a sacred word,

and you see this golden light emanate out from it and strike the Remorhaz.

And it has to make a constitution save.

Winswip: Go Porla!

I don't know what you're doing, but it looks shiny and great.

Meghan: [rolls] Uh, it definitely fails the constitution save and it is now

blinded, which means that it can't see.

It automatically fails any ability check that requires sight, and attack

rolls against it have advantage, and the creature's attack rolls have disadvantage.

So in addition to clawing out its little ear holes, uh, you see this golden light

kind of strike it in the eyes, and its beady insectoid eyes get very swollen

and shut in like a crusty, nasty way.

Maya: It's not having a good day.

Meghan: No, it is not.

So that is Porla's turn.

So now she's, uh, she's cowering behind this statue, but also fighting back and

has a protective hand on the statue.

Um, it is now Aveline's turn.

Jamie: Okay.

So there is one Strigoi hovering menacingly in front of me and the

other one that Kit shoved towards me.

Are they within five feet of each other?

Meghan: Yes.

Jamie: Okay.

Have these Strigoi-- They've both been hit before, right?

Are they looking a little bit worse for wear?

Can, yeah, can I make a--

Meghan: Give me a perception check.

I know I've already asked you to do that today, but this

is about a different thing.

So I'll say make another one.

Jamie: That's a, that's a nat 19.

So that's a 26.

Maya: Ooh.

Phil: Nice.

Meghan: What you notice is that they do not appear to be as beaten

up as they should be, considering everything that has happened to them.

Jamie: Okay.

Meghan: And that they don't even look as-- Some-- In some cases

they don't necessarily look as beaten up as they did a second ago.

Like the wounds are not consistent with what you had noticed

just previously in the battle.

Jamie: Fuck.

Maya: Well, that's not good.

Jamie: That's not good.

I'm going to cost a second level Moonbeam.

So they both need to make a DC 16 con save.

Meghan: Okay.

Jamie: And if they fail when they enter the spell's area, which I guess counts

as when I hit them with it, or they stop their turn there, they are...

[rolls] They take radiant damage.

Meghan: And you said-- So DC 16, you said?

And you're getting the two closest to you, or all three of them?

Jamie: It's a five-foot radius, so if all three of them are within, like in a

10 foot line, I could hit three of them, but definitely the two closest to me.

Meghan: I think the one that's attacking Winswip is a little bit

too far away, but the two-- The one that's been batted over to you and the

one that was attacking you are both within the range that-- They all fail.

Jamie: Fantastic.

They're both going to take 12 radiant damage.

Maya: Good shit, good shit.

Phil: And they take it again when they start their turn.

Maya: If they stay in the Moonbeam.

Jamie: Yeah.

If they start their turn in the Moonbeam, they take damage again.

Phil: Moonbeam is great.

Maya: Yeah, I agree.

Meghan: Hell yeah.

Moonbeam is the MVP of druid spells.

All right.

Awesome.

Is there anything else you want to do on your turn?

Jamie: Yeah, I am also going to...

I know that the Wraith was resistant to fire damage.

Um, but I'm also going to command Addie to do her flame seed attack, um, and she goes

directly after me in the initiative order.

So she is going--

Meghan: And that command is a bonus action, right?

Jamie: Yeah.

So that is a 24 to hit, let's say, the Strigoi closest to me.

Meghan: That's going to hit.

Jamie: It takes 7 fire damage.

Meghan: Okay.

Here is what happens.

Avilene, you summon this Moonbeam

[silvery beam sounds]

Meghan: and it gets these two Strigoi, and you see them almost as in silhouette

through this like, blinding moonlight.

And you see the silhouette of the one that started near to you-- not

the one that Kit batted over, but the one that started nearer to you-- it

starts kind of drawing into itself.

And you can tell that it's losing its ability to stay in the air.

And Addie, seeing that, smartly aims her flame seed, which-- What does

that look like when she spits fire?

Maya: Be careful now.

All: [laughter]

Meghan: She drops some sick bars and just fucking bodies

the enemy with her cool raps.

Jamie: Um, I want to make sure I'm not like stealing Pokemon's intellectual

property here, but I am just imagining--

Meghan: At this point we are all Pokemon's intellectual property.

All: [laughter]

Jamie: I know she-- I know I said that she used it last episode and I don't

remember if I said what it looks like.

So I think she kind of just like, coughs it up, like when a llama or a camel, like,

spit up their sort of gross phlegm stuff.

But instead of like gross llama phlegm, it's just fire.

Maya: Fire phlegm, love it.

Meghan: So she, she hocks a fire loogie and she spits it right

at this one that looks like it's really on its last, uh, wings.

And you see the moat of fire go into the Moonbeam and you don't see

anything after that because light on light, it's hard to perceive.

What you do see is this struggling Strigoi just go still and fall to the ground.

And then you see the other Strigoi that is in this Moonbeam see this,

you see it sort of perceive this.

And then you see it immediately-- and again, you're seeing all this in

silhouette-- it rears its head back and you see its proboscis start pulsating.

And it looks like, eventually, like something's emerging from it and like

it's pushing something out of it.

And you see the silhouette of another proboscis emerge and then another head,

and you realize that it is producing a little Stirge out of its proboscis,

giving-- It is birthing a Stirge--

Maya: No, no, no.

Meghan: --out of its proboscis.

Maya: No!

Phil: I don't like any of this.

Meghan: And as you see this little, small silhouette finally emerge,

you see-- It almost looks like the Strigoi is talking to its new baby.

Jesse: Ugh.

Meghan: And then you see the Stirge fly out of the Moonbeam.

Phil: Wait, wait, wait, is this the-- This, this new Stirge, is that starting

entering the Moonbeam for the first time?

Meghan: It is.

I think it does probably after you--

Jamie: Then it's-- it's starting its turn.

So it, it does have to take damage.

Maya: It's starting its life!

Jesse: Its turn of life.

Phil: Birthed into a Moonbeam.

Meghan: Into a Moonbeam.

Maya: Welcome to life, it hurts.

Yeah.

Neda: Yeah bitch.

Now you get it.

Meghan: I have to look up the Stirge stat block.

Hold on.

Jamie: Um, it will take 11 damage.

Neda: Whatever its stat block is, just fucking take damage for being born.

Jesse: Welcome to earth.

Jamie: Don't we all take damage for being born?

Maya: Exactly.

Phil: It takes dis--

Neda: Ayyy!

Phil: It rolls its save with disadvantage for birth.

All: [laughter]

Meghan: I'm going to say that you see it receive this message.

You see it emerge then from the Moonbeam looking disgusting.

You have seen a Stirge before.

And this one has had like all of its bat fur singed off, and it's looking

very bloody and sick, but it manages to somehow haggardly flap its way over

to the one that is attacking Winswip.

And Winswip, you have this up close and personal view of this tiny

Strigoi, which is more of a bat size.

It says, in little burnt dying bat language like, [imitates

high-pitched burbling].

You see the w-- The Strigoi that's still in the Moonbeam dive down

to the deceased one, start to drag it out of the Moonbeam painfully.

You see them emerge.

And like the baby Stirge, the living Strigoi who was dragging the corpse

of its brother, is, uh, very singed, kind of hairless, very burnt.

And you see the Stirge-- the baby Stirge-- that has gone over to

communicate with Winswip's Strigoi part and go back to its wounded comrades.

And the three of them struggle to fly off the way they came.

And Winswip, yours is still on you.

Maya: I get my own.

I get my very own.

Meghan: You get your very own.

And now it's, it's, it's, you know, it's bonded with you.

Uh, it is now the Remorhaz's turn.

The Remorhaz has been blinded.

It is trying to deafen itself.

It is very disoriented.

And I think it's gonna just kind of lash out at whatever is closest to

it, which I believe would be Noriah.

Neda: Shit.

Jamie: Or Porla.

Did Porla get closer?

Meghan: Porla's further away.

Maya: And how far is Noriah from Winswip right now?

You, you were like 50 feet, right?

Neda: Yeah.

I dashed.

Meghan: At least 50 feet.

Maya: Okay.

Neda: I wanted to get you all like out of my range.

Meghan: It's going to snap its massive jaws and it is going to-- Oof, it's going

to hit Noriah, it rolled a 17 and has +6.

All right, it's going to be 20 piercing damage with its teeth--

Neda: Yikes.

Meghan: --7 fire damage from coming--

Neda: Meghan--

Meghan: --in contact with its hot body.

Neda: I'm down.

I had 27 hit points.

Jamie: No!

Neda: You just managed to get me hit.

Phil: Oh god.

Maya: You, you killed her with that hot body.

That's just--

Meghan: There are worse ways to go.

Neda: Honestly, I put myself there.

I'm at peace with it.

Meghan: Yeah.

So you feel its jaws snap down on you and there-- and it's just the heat of

it from being in the hot underground, compared with this like chilly atmosphere.

It just overwhelms you.

Neda: I'm very much down.

Meghan: Yeah.

You all-- if you are, you are looking, you would see, uh, the massive toothy

maw take a crunch onto this tiny figure of Noriah, and Noriah hit the snow.

It is now Brekx's turn.

Brekx is go-- is still in a rage and is going to see this happen and

run up to where the Remorhaz is.

Maya: It's going to get even ragier!

Double rage.

Jesse: This time--

Meghan: Rage 2: The Streets.

Jesse: --it's personal.

Neda: It's The Fast and The Furious, but no one's fast, they're all just furious.

Maya: Yeah, exactly.

Jesse: Famously slow.

Meghan: You see Brekx run up to it and right where it's got Noriah in its jaws.

It doesn't see Brekx coming and Brekx is going to make two attacks with,

uh, Bedlam, the magical chaos sword.

These are going to have advantage because the Remorhaz is blind.

So the first one is-- I think it's going to hit.

Yeah.

And the second one is also going to hit.

So you see Brekx make two swipes with this sort of chaotic, black greatsword and--

Maya: Get 'em, Brekx.

Meghan: It is going to be a total of 22 magical slashing

damage to this young Remorhaz.

Maya: Hell yeah.

Phil: And Brekx's-- it still has the greatsword form?

Like it didn't change again?

Meghan: Right, yeah.

It changes, uh, when Brekx goes into a rage, and then it stays

that way until the next rage.

Brekx is also going to do Fury of the Small to deal 5 extra damage.

Jamie: Yes!

Jesse: Nice.

Meghan: So that's a total of 27 slashing damage.

You see them go absolutely apeshit on this thing, and barely notice

that they, too, are a little bit singed from being so close to this

steam and smoke and hot thing.

I really wish I could-- I wish I could find a way to make it

sound like it's not just like so sexy that it's just devastating.

Maya: You do say that everything in your campaign is canon hot.

So I mean now--

Meghan: Yes.

Maya: --I'm just picturing a sexy Remorhaz.

Meghan: Well, you know what?

No offense, if that's what you're into, dear listener, we're all

entitled to our fantasies, I guess.

So Brekx's hands get a little bit burnt just from being in the heat

aura, but that is a whopping 27 damage and it is now Khabriel's turn.

Khabriel is going to--

Aveline: Khabriel, finish your poem!

It's the only way to finish off this thing!

Maya: What rhymes with girl?

Phil: [imitating Khabriel] I can't think of anything!

Maya: [laughs]

Meghan: Okay.

So Khabriel on his turn is going to, first of all, sprint over to where

Noriah lies fallen in the snow, and crouch down and touch her forehead

and cast Cure Wounds at a-- We're going to do a third level Cure Wounds.

And so that's going to be, uh, 13 hit points.

And Khabriel-- As he crouches down and touches your head, you just

hear with this like absolutely beautiful singing voice like,

[angelic harp music]

Khabriel: [singing] Come back to me, beautiful Noriah.

Noriah: Please stop singing.

Thank you, but please stop singing.

Khabriel: Okay.

You're awake.

Excellent.

Meghan: And then he's going to turn his attention to the statue.

And as a bonus action, you hear him say,

Khabriel: Okay, statue sister, this is weird.

Can you give us a little help here?

Meghan: And the statue floats over to the Remorhaz and it's going to attack.

Uh, that is going to hit.

Okay.

So you see this, this marble sort-- It's still moving a little bit slowly,

like as though the air was water, but it does bring it down on this Remorhaz,

who still can't see a damn thing, and manages to strike it for 7 damage.

Maya: Good shit.

Meghan: All right.

We are now back at the top of the order.

It is the Wraith's turn.

The Wraith is going to make its way back and go for Khabriel at this point,

having seen that he's the one who seems to be controlling things and healing

people, and is going to attempt to do a good old Life Drain on Khabriel.

Maya: How far is Khabriel from Winswip?

Meghan: Crouching down next to Noriah.

So they're all kind of--

Maya: So like 50, 40, 50 feet.

Meghan: At least.

Yeah.

Okay.

Um, that's going to hit, and so it's going to be 21 necrotic damage to Khabriel.

Neda: Jesus.

Meghan: You see it latch on and start sucking the life out of Khabriel, which

is, is the first living being that you've seen being preyed upon in this way.

So you see it's, it's a little bit more graphic when it's, when it's a person.

And you can kind of see the shadows from the Wraith start to like

[Wraith sucking sounds]

Meghan: move within Khabriel, under his skin, and his eyes go super wide

and it's just really terrifying.

So Khabriel has now been sucked and, uh, the Wraith is temporarily sated.

It is now Winswip's turn.

Maya: Still has a big old proboscis-- Is it attached to her still?

If I were to do something like a disengage or to move away, would,

would she be successful at doing that or would it come with her?

Meghan: I think that we could say that a disengage would just be,

you like yanking it out of you.

Maya: Okay.

So what she is going to do is cast Zephyr Strike, which is a bonus action

spell, which allows her to move like the wind and it lasts for a minute.

And until it ends, her movement doesn't provoke opportunity attacks.

Jesse: Oh cool.

Maya: And there's, there's more to it, but for now I think that's the important part.

So as an air genasi, or part air genasi, Winswip normally kind of

has a little bit of breeze dancing around her hair at all times.

And that suddenly like kicks up and becomes really, really dramatic.

And, um, she kind of like manages to twist away in this kind of burst of whirlwind.

Just sort of would knock back the creature that is attached to her.

And, uh, just kind of allows her to move a few feet back and not

provoke an opportunity attack.

Meghan: So you yank this thing out of you like an angry patient who

doesn't want to be in the hospital anymore and just whips their IV out.

[ All: laughter]

Meghan: And you, you Tasmanian devil away, I'm assuming towards the platform face?

Maya: I'm trying to figure out if she can get to anything

with her normal walking speed.

Meghan: What's your normal walking speed?

Maya: Uh, so it feels a little ridiculous, but she-- 25 feet, um, as a gnome.

And it doesn't seem to, uh, get better as a big-- big gnome so...

[laughs]

Jesse: Big gnome, same steps.

Phil: Just still like, like stubby feet, stubby legs.

Maya: [laughing] I guess.

Meghan: So here's what I'll say.

I've been calculating it so that climbing this little tiny-- I mean,

it's not a cliff face, it's like, you know, 10 feet tall or whatever,

but climbing that is double movement.

And so you could make it like halfway up it on your turn, or you could decide

that you don't want to end your turn mid-climb and it's-- That's up to you.

Maya: Okay.

I think I know what I'm going to do.

Um, I think I'm going to use my action to double move, to get to where everyone

is to climb and get to where everyone is.

Meghan: Wait, isn't disengage an action or was that part of the Zephyr Strike?

Maya: I didn't actually disengage, I just moved away with Zephyr Strike.

Meghan: Oh, and Zephyr Strike, does that allow you to disengage, or...?

Maya: It doesn't provoke opportunity attacks.

So it's not the same as disengaging.

Meghan: Oh, okay.

Maya: It just doesn't provoke opportunity.

Meghan: I'll allow it.

Yeah.

Okay.

Got it.

Maya: Sorry.

I was, I was unclear when asking about-- I just wanted to know

how the proboscis thing worked.

[laughs]

Meghan: Well, yeah.

Well, it's like, it's like to-may-to, to-mah-to, like moving without provoking

opportunity attack is sort of disengaging.

Maya: Yeah.

Yeah.

So that was her bonus action-- was to make sure she could move away from the thing.

So she used her action and her movement to get to everyone.

Meghan: So now you're over with, uh, with the group.

You're with, uh, Khabriel, the Wraith, the Remorhaz, Noriah, and

I guess Porla's a little ways off.

Cause she's still kind of, uh, where the statue had been.

Maya: Okay.

And now that I'm there, I think Winswip will get close to where Khabriel and

the Wraith are, specifically, and then she's going to Action Surge.

Jesse: Oh yeah.

Oh yeah.

Maya: She's going to do that thing.

Phil: Everyone's favorite.

Maya: And just, uh, just try to double whammy this, uh, this Wraith.

Meghan: Hell yeah.

Okay.

Maya: And now here's the second part of the spell that I had cast earlier

that is relevant now, which is: once before the spell ends, I can give myself

advantage on one weapon attack roll.

Phil: Nice.

Maya: So...

Neda: Amazing.

Maya: And if I hit, it's an extra 1d8 of force damage, so...

Neda: Amazing.

Meghan: Okay!

Maya: Yeah.

Anyway, that's what I'm going to do, with advantage.

Does a 25 hit?

Meghan: It does.

Now, question for you: is your hammer magical?

Maya: I-- Not to my knowledge, no.

That's probably bad, huh?

Meghan: It does hit, it just does half damage.

Maya: Got it.

But I get an extra 1d8 of force damage from the Zephyr Strike,

because as the wind just powers...

Meghan: Okay.

And that, that will do-- It'll do the full force.

It's just on bludgeoning, piercing, and slashing from non-magical weapons.

Maya: I'm just going to roll regular damage.

Wow.

That's a whole 7, halved to 3 normal damage.

Meghan: Okay.

Maya: And then a d8, an extra 3 force damage.

These are little itty-bitty numbers, but...

Meghan: And on your Action Surge, you get, you just get one

more attack, or do you get two?

Maya: My attacks are an action.

Two attacks are one action.

Meghan: Okay.

So then-- And that was one of them.

And so now you have another one?

Maya: Yes, I do.

Meghan: Oh my gosh, I love this.

Maya: But not with advantage.

This is just a normal attack, so...

Meghan: Okay.

Maya: Sorry.

Long turns, fighters.

And that is going to be-- it's probably not going to hit-- a 13.

Meghan: That...

does hit.

Maya: Oh, well, I guess it's not an armor-wearing Wraith.

Um...

Meghan: Surprise!

Maya: [rolls] Uh, that will be 9 normal damage.

Okay.

So halved to 4.

Meghan: Okay.

So you still did a total of 10 damage, which is-- for an extra

Action Surge that most people would not even get to take is not too bad.

Maya: Ugh.

All: [laughter]

Phil: Being level five is a mood, man.

Meghan: So we see you-- Okay, but we see you cast a spell

[rushing wind]

Meghan: to whirlwind away from this massive, massive

gross bat toddler creature.

At which point, you then seamlessly burst into a run, parkour up a little

mini cliff face, run over to the Remorhaz, and then strike it twice

with your sword, one of which is a magical attack that you can see.

When it strikes it, it pushes some of its Wraith-y, shadowy material off, just into

the ether, in a way that you can tell is, is definitely not feeling good for it.

And it is looking a little bit thin and transparent in more areas than before.

So I would say that's a hell of a turn.

Winswip: I mean, I, I did my best.

Um, yeah.

Maya: And she just sort of stands over Khabriel protectively.

Jesse: I think Esther gives, uh, Kit a look, like,

Esther: What the fuck?

When did Winswip get so bad-ass?

Jesse: [laughs]

Maya: Yeah!

Well, that is new.

The magic is definitely new.

The weird whirlwind stuff, never seen that before.

[laughs]

Phil: And I think Kit is just like, you know, he sort of had like a baseball,

like, swing stance and he's sort of still holding his clubs and just

looking over his shoulder, being like,

Kit: What the fuck?

Just, oh my god, I've made a huge mistake!

All: [gasps, laughter]

[sweeping music transition]

Meghan [flashback]: Okay.

Card number five.

[falling synthesizer notes]

Maya [flashback]: Three of swords?

Or...

sword hearts?

Meghan: Oh yeah.

That's like the emo one.

Maya: [laughs]

Meghan: "Your character's heart is broken".

Who broke it and how?

Maya: Okay.

Damn.

Damn, dude.

I think, I think Kit probably makes sense.

It's been somewhat established that they have a rapport going, um, or they

had one, where, um, he would like, you know, confide in her about his

sort of opinions and thoughts on the party, his own strategies, and whatnot.

And so I think, I think she's probably, she would have probably held a torch for

him for quite a while, like secretly.

Just like interpreting every conversation as like, maybe what he was trying

to say is that he actually loves me?

And so I guess year five is when she, you know, makes that fatal mistake of

really misinterpreting something that he has said, or is saying, depending on

where, wherever he is in the timeline.

Meghan: So Kit, at this point, is kind of in like a dark night of the

soul, because he had sort of like-- He went back to the monastery and

had sort of like a failed business venture that didn't end up going great.

And has kind of lost self-esteem and stuff.

And, um, is sort of grappling with his faith.

And I also know at this point that he just wasn't at all thinking

about like romance at all, like had never given it any thought.

So I wonder if, maybe like, you like go to see him and-- or even just

say something and he's just like-- either misses it, or is like, I'm

in no place to do this right now.

Like, he's not in a good place.

Maya: I think that's probably more-- I think it's, it's like she would go

there genuinely to try to, to see him and then just to pick him up and, you

know, realizing that he's in a bad place, you know, would try to comfort

him in the way that their friendship is.

But then again, he probably said something really affectionate, where he's like,

"Wow, thanks for coming out here and doing all this, you know, you didn't have to".

And she, in her hormone-addled brain is like, "This is it!

This is the moment that I, that, that we've clearly been

working towards, the two of us".

Um, and maybe tries to go for a kiss or something.

And you know, that startles him because he doesn't see that coming at all.

And I don't want to like play Phil's character too much, but, you know, I

could see, again, just her misinterpreting him making a statement of a friendship

as something much bigger, and then trying to act on it, only to realize

summarily she's being rejected.

And, you know, that would be deeply upsetting and she would immediately recuse

herself with the situation and try to deal with it on her own, and pretend that

it doesn't hurt her as much as it does.

Meghan: Just a total miscommunication.

Maya: Yes.

Just like classic, like miscommunication where like, she's built up something in

her head and it makes so much sense to her based on the narrative that she's

been telling herself all these years.

But how that is also like uniquely heartbreaking.

Um, because...

Meghan: Right?

Maya: Yeah.

Meghan: Or so I imagine.

Maya: [laughs]

[sweeping music transition]

[tense music resumes]

Jamie: Can we get an F in the chat for Kit's, um, long-term life partner?

That he co-owns a monastery with?

Maya: Okay, draaaama.

Phil: Kit--

Maya: I mean...

Phil: Kit Marpola, definitely-- definitely not a fuck boy.

Maya: [laughs] Oh, no.

Meghan: So the-- It is now the Stirge's turn, there's one left.

It has been whirlwinded off of-- from Winswip.

It is kind of spinning in a cartoonish way.

And as it stops spinning, it is going to land on Avilene and attempt to--

Jamie: Yay.

Meghan: --proboscis--

Jamie: I love to be probed.

Meghan: Proboscis is a verb now.

Jesse: Oh my.

Phil: Oh no, oh god.

Maya: It's worse somehow!

Phil: Not a fan!

Meghan: That is going to hit.

That is a 16, that is going to hit, and it is going to be 8 piercing

damage, and 10 necrotic damage.

Phil: Jesus Christ.

Jamie: Okay.

Maya: I knew I should've hit it before I left.

Jamie: That's actually the first time I've been hit.

Meghan: All right.

It is also going to make a...

Jamie: Meghan!

Meghan: And here's the second!

No, it's going to get-- it's going to make a claw attack.

I'm sorry, it's going to make a claw attack, and it is going to hit.

I was going to say, I was going to get punished and roll like a nat 1 on

that, but it is going to hit for, uh, 7 slashing damage and 6 acid damage.

As it also manages to shear through an area on your body, which is not protected

by armor, and has just filthy hands.

Just the grossest, dirtiest little-- little gremlin hands that you can

tell are slowly poisoning you.

Jamie: Oh no.

Maya: These are no joke!

Jamie: I, I, I went from 38 HP to 7.

Jesse: Ohhhhhhhhh-kay.

Maya: Oh god.

Wild Shape.

Wild Shape, Wild Shape?

Jamie: Yeah.

I don't think I can wild shape because I have Addie and she is

one of my use of Wild Shape, so...

Meghan: Okay.

Esther, it's your turn now.

Jamie: Yikes.

Jesse: Esther, uh, turns to Kit.

Esther: Kit, uh, so do we think this Wraith is like, uh, making

decisions or is being told what to do?

How, how smart do you think it is?

Kit: Well, it, it seems to somehow be at odds with that worm.

Um, I, I don't know whether it's-- I don't know, it seems kind of related to

these weird Strigoi, but, uh, I thought it was really dumb at first, but--

Esther: Okay, great, that's my thoughts too!

See you in a bit!

Jesse: And then Esther runs, uh, closer to the, um, the Wraith, to where the

big shindig is happening and is going to cast-- attempt to cast Detect Thoughts

on the Wraith and is going to use a, the material component to cast that.

So he sort of like, he like, uh, strokes his hand through his hair, or that's

what it's looking like he's doing.

But then he, like, he touches-- He has a little copper like ear

cuff and he like touches it with like all five of his fingers.

And like, it's kinda like a rhythmic pattern.

Um, and that's how he, uh, sends off his, uh, Detect Thoughts onto the Wraith.

Neda: Wow.

Phil: That's awesome.

Maya: Okay.

I need to add the flavor of this, which is that there is still residual wind whipping

off of Winswip's spell that like flows through Esther's hair while he does this.

Meghan: Everybody is like using this to just show like-- It's typical reunion

behavior of like, look at how hot I got.

Neda: I mean, not all-- Speak for yourselves.

I'm fucking dying out here.

All: [laughter]

Jesse: So that's a wisdom saving throw for the Wraith.

Meghan: Okay.

What's the DC?

Jesse: 15.

Meghan: Uh, it fails.

Jesse: Sweet!

Meghan: This works.

You, you tap into it and you here's -- So you get surface thoughts?

Jesse: Yeah.

Meghan: Okay.

Surface thoughts you get are just this immense pain and rage

of being angry that you're dead.

And you tap into this creature who just has driven by this absolutely

all-consuming, primal urge to suck life out of any living creature and

inflict as much harm on the living as possible, because it is just so angry.

Jesse: So no clear, like-- I'm not going after this one thing.

Just primal, teenage, "I'm mad at everything" energy.

Meghan: I don't know if I would say teenage.

[laughs] Um, yeah.

More like fight or flight, bestial, "I will just fuck up whatever comes near

me and whatever I can lay eyes upon".

This is a bloodbath.

Jesse: Okay, great.

And then I guess I do want to use all of my movement, as much as possible.

Like I kind of want to-- if I'm picturing this correctly-- I want to

come up sort of behind the Remorhaz.

Kind of like flank it from behind.

Meghan: Um, so I'll say you get like halfway across that distance

on the level you're on, without like attempting to go up the ramp at all.

Jesse: But the creature is still on the, like, on the upper level, right?

Meghan: Yeah.

So you're actually about even with it, you're just on a lower level from it.

So you're probably like 15 feet away.

And some of that is vertical.

Jesse: Okay, great.

And Fink is running along with me, just still losing her mind.

Meghan: I'm picturing like when dogs are running, but they're also

really excited, so it's not so much a coordinated run as it is like-- just

all parts of the body are bouncing and moving and like not in coordination.

Jesse: 100%.

And like, not along with me, like going back, forth, like all over the place.

Meghan: Like as though it sees a bug or something, which, I mean, you

know, maybe it got excited by it.

Maybe she got excited by the Strigoi.

So it is now Noriah's turn.

Neda: Okay.

Noriah is remembering what this feels like.

What I'm going to do is...

I'm going to go for the Wraith.

I was probably prone because I did just nearly die, so I'm going

to use half of my movement to get myself up, scan my surroundings, and

then I will be casting Ice Knife.

Maya: Yes.

Yeees.

Neda: Um, I'll be--

Meghan: Nice knife.

Neda: --casting Ice Knife, which counts as a weapon, so I get

to add my sneak attack to it.

And because I'm an evocation wizard, Ice Knife has a part of it where you

have to succeed at dex save so as not to get fucked by my Ice Knife.

Winswip, we'll be fine.

Meghan: We love a good spell shaping.

Neda: Yes, we're spell shaping, we're sculpting this bitch.

So as Winswip will not be damaged by my Ice Knife, I will be doing this-- ah,

fuck it, I will do it as a first level.

I'm not going to burn my second level spell slot.

So we're going for the Wraith...

[rolls]

Maya: Oh no.

Jesse: Is it, is it a 1, or...

Neda: Hand to god, I just crit!

Jamie: Oh yes!

Maya: I was like, it's either 1 or 20!

Neda: I just crit, and to recap, I am doing Ice Knife.

There is a dex save involved in it and I am sneak attacking.

Maya: And also what kind of damage is it?

What kind of damage is it?

Neda: I say physical damage.

Maya: There you go.

Meghan: I think it's piercing and cold.

Neda: Oh no, pardon me.

Ice Knife just straight up piercing damage.

Maya: Oh.

Neda: So here's the deal, here's what happens.

Meghan: It's both.

Neda: It is both.

First of all, before we calculate any of this, give me a dex

save for the wraith, DC 16.

Meghan: Uh, it rolled a 17 plus whatever.

Neda: Okay, cool.

So you're going to be fine.

So you're not going to take my cold damage, but you will be taking my, um,

piercing damage, which is 1d10, plus my sneak attack damage, which is 1d6.

So we are starting with-- If you want to do crit rolls, the way you

do it, we're starting with 16--

Meghan: Mmhmm.

Neda: --plus...

[rolls]

Meghan: Sneak attack you take twice as well?

Neda: Yep.

Everything on the crit, it's all of it.

So it's a 16 plus I wrote a 7 on my d10, so that's 23 plus another 4, is

going to be 27 damage on the Wraith.

Jamie: Fuck yeah.

Neda: I did not enjoy being down.

Meghan: All right.

Noriah, describe to me how you kill this Wraith.

Phil: Yes!

Jesse: Ohhh my god.

Neda: It's just that, it's just that I get up, fucking-- My nose is bleeding,

I'm singed, not having a good time.

Just scan my surroundings so fucking fast.

And then you just see-- It's just a shard of like-- It's a massive, like, icicle--

Phil: Yeah.

Magical...

Neda: --like the type of icicles that like you get worried about, uh, when it's cold.

It just shoots straight out of my arm.

[icy shattering]

Neda: It's like a bone, it looks like I'm hurling one of my arm bones at it.

It's a big, icy bone, and it goes straight into its fucking left eye, where it

explodes the way it was supposed to.

Meghan: You see this thing explode and in every little shard, it just

takes a piece of shadow until it's just pulled apart into nothing.

And these shards also, to the keen observer, you see them curve like a

curved bullet around Winswip, just, just like not at all following the

trajectory in order to avoid her.

And the Wraith disappears.

Winswip: Wow.

Holy shit.

Good job.

Good job, Noriah!

Neda: That's my turn.

Meghan: Alright.

Kit, it is your turn now.

Phil: So I've just seen Noriah and Winswip do like...

And um, yeah, like just do like crazy things up there.

I like look at this Strigoi, and I'm just like,

Kit: Ah, I guess...

Phil: And it's reminding me of like the last battle where I was like

taking care of all the like little wieners and I felt real bad about it.

And I'm like,

Kit: Not this again, but I guess, I guess this is what I've got to do.

Phil: And I run over to the Strigoi that's on Avilene.

So my movement's 40 feet, can I get there?

Jamie: We were like next to each other.

Meghan: I think so, let me--

Jamie: I haven't moved at all--

Meghan: Oh yeah, yeah.

Jamie: --so I'm just still where I was at the beginning of the fight.

Phil: Oh, I guess I actually, I haven't actually--

Meghan: I think you both are, so you're probably like 20 feet apart, max.

Phil: Okay.

So I guess I use like half my movement to get over to that Strigoi.

And I do the same thing, where I take like two swipes with both of my eskrima sticks.

That is a crit, a nat 20 and a 19.

Neda: Woooo!

Maya: Oh my gosh.

Jamie: A nat 20 and a 19, holy shit!

Meghan: Okay!

Phil: Okay.

How are we doing crit damage?

Meghan: Take max damage and then roll and add that to it.

Phil: So max damage would be 9.

And then I just do the regular rolls that I would do otherwise?

Uh, plus two, seven, plus nine...

So that's like, I guess, 16 bludgeoning damage.

And because I crit and I have crusher, when I deal a crit that

deals bludgeoning damage attack rolls against the creature are made with

advantage until the end of my next turn.

Jesse: Oh shit!

Phil: And, um, I also do like the crusher feet where I move it, um, like five feet

away to like pull the proboscis out.

And I spend a ki point to use, um, Stunning Strike to stun it.

Jamie: Can you-- Can-- When you, when you shove it five feet, can

you shove it into my Moonbeam?

Phil: If it's still up, I can, and it's close enough, then I can do that.

Jamie: The Moonbeam-- Oh, wait, I didn't roll!

I didn't roll.

The Moonbeam stays on during sex.

I forgot to roll because it's-- Well, I just rolled a 3, so the Moonbeam is gone.

Fuck.

Neda: RIP Moonbeam.

Phil: Okay.

So I guess I just hit it away, and let me just make sure...

Is this true?

None of that used a bonus action.

So why-- So now it's like stunned on the ground five feet away, and I'm

just going to like kick it as hard as I can with my bonus unarmed strike.

Neda: I like that Kit had this moment of like, oh no, and then

he fucking goes off and does that.

Jesse: He was like, well, fuck it.

Maya: He's like, wow, everyone's being so bad-ass but me.

[imitates battle cry]

Phil: Does, uh, does a 15 hit?

Meghan: It does not.

Phil: Okay.

That's fine.

Meghan: Did you roll advantage though?

Phil: Oh, I guess I do.

That is true.

Uh, that's a nat 20.

All: [laughter, exclamations]

Meghan: You fucking Rinaldo this thing, and then...

Phil: Ah, so, that's going to be...

Maya: Ooh, a sports reference!

Phil: Uh, 12, 12 more bludgeoning damage as I like kick it.

Jamie: Jesus.

Meghan: Okay.

So that was 28 damage in one turn.

God damn.

Jesse: I'm like picturing that Kit misses with the first kick, like--

Maya: Just kicks again.

Jesse: He was like, "Augh!

Ugh!"

Maya: He gets a better wind up.

Meghan: [imitating Kit] "Wait a minute, I think I have time for one more attempt!"

Maya: No one saw that.

Meghan: Yeah, that was amazing.

Because yeah, you, you strike this thing with your sticks and

then it falls to the ground.

You kick it really hard.

And where does it, where do you push it to?

Because you have the ability to push it, right?

Phil: Yeah, I can push it like any-- five feet to any like unoccupied space.

I actually want to keep it-- I want to get it like out of-- Yeah, I want to--

Like for flavor, I'll say that I actually moved it on my kick, if that's okay.

Meghan: Mmhmm.

Phil: And I basically like kick it so that it's going like right in

front of Avilene's field of view.

So that's where I'm going to-- That's where I'm going to kick it.

It's stunned, so...

Meghan: Okay.

Jesse: That's, that's what I'm saying.

It's stunned, it's there, you do you.

Phil: Do what you want to do.

Jesse: But it's there.

Meghan: Stunning.

Okay.

Maya: Stunning.

Meghan: Stunning.

It is now Porla's turn and--

Maya: Come on, Porla!

Meghan: Porla is going to...

Maya: Make out with the statue.

All: [laughter]

Jesse: What?

Neda: Kiss the statue, real soft.

Meghan: Here's what's going to happen: Porla is going to look at Khabriel, who

is not doing great after being sucked on by that Wraith; is going to look at

Noriah, who despite having just killed the Wraith, is still looking, you know,

very roughed up, worse for wear, bloody nose and everything, and then Porla is

going to look at the statue and she's going to cast Cure Wounds on the statue.

Maya: Wow.

Okay.

Meghan: Second level.

Neda: I just give her a look.

I'm not even sure what the look is, but there is a look of like...

Meghan: It is going to be for 17 hit points.

So it is nearly back up to full, and you can see that as she sort of like

tenderly touches it, um, it seems to get some sort of its vigor back.

Winswip: Hey, Porla, I think you missed!

All: [laughter]

Meghan: And then as a bonus action, she's going to summon her spiritual

weapon, which is a giant spectral claw.

It just looks like a large, glowing, golden talon.

And it is going to--

Maya: Are we talking about like an eagle claw or a chicken claw, or...

Meghan: It is, it is a, an owl talon--

Maya: Oh, right, owl, yeah.

Meghan: --because she's--

Maya: You know what, that makes sense.

Meghan: And it is going to, um, attack the Remorhaz.

It is going to do so with advantage.

And it is going to hit, and it is going to do 11 damage to the Remorhaz.

So it's getting, it's getting clawed by this, this special golden claw as well.

It is now Avilene's turn.

Jamie: Okay.

So first things first, before I do anything else, I am going to

bonus action Healing Word myself.

Okay.

So I get 6 HP back.

So exciting.

I'm up to 13 now from 7.

Maya: Double digits, baby.

Jamie: Yep.

Love to be in double digits.

Feels safer.

And then I am going to Shillelagh cantrip and just hit the Strigoi in front of me.

So am I making that role with advantage because it's stunned?

Meghan: Mmhmm.

Jamie: Sexy.

Okay.

Really enjoying that I get to roll with advantage, because

one of those was a nat 1.

Um, but that is...

It's a 22 to hit.

Meghan: It does hit.

Jamie: Um, okay.

That is a big 6 magical damage to this Strigoi.

Meghan: Okay.

Kit: I know you can hit harder than that, Avilene!

All: [laughter]

Maya: Wow.

Salt in the wound.

Neda: Just negging Avilene to hit harder.

Meghan: Alright, so you feebly punch this thing that is just still on the ground.

And then everybody dunks on you relentlessly.

Jamie: I think I have like, I have like blood from the claw attack and

like acid dripping down my like ripped shirt, and it's like, the blood is

getting in my braid and I'm just feeling very, very frazzled right now.

Neda: And we're all like, "Boooo!"

Kit: I only meant--

Esther: Weak!

Kit: I only meant--

Winswip: Did you see what Noriah just did?

Kit: I mean, I just thought that you, you hit me back there.

Maya: Yeah.

All: [laughter]

Jamie: I take an Action Surge and I cast Erupting Earth and I bury everyone

underground for being mean to me.

All: [laughter]

Neda: End of campaign.

Meghan: Kit's going to now give a lecture to all the local youths on backpedaling.

[laughter]

Jamie: That's, that's all I can do this turn.

I can't command Addie to take a turn because I used my bonus

action to Healing Word myself.

So, um, yep.

That's it.

I just, I healed myself for 6 and then I hit for 6.

That's where we're at.

Maya: You're doing great.

Meghan: At this point, the Remorhaz's turn...

The Remorhaz is going to once again rear back and open its massive

toothy maw and it's going to come down as though to hit Brekx.

It does have disadvantage.

With disadvantage, it's still a hit.

Maya: Oh, wait, I can do something about this.

Winswip is going to use a Cloud Rune, which means when a creature-- you or a

creature you can see within 30 feet of you, which I'm pretty sure Brekx is,

now-- is hit by an attack roll, you can use your reaction to choose a different

creature other than the attacker within 30 feet of you to become the target.

Oh, wait.

There's-- The Wraith has gone now.

There's no other enemies within 30 feet of us, are there?

Meghan: You might be within 30 feet of a Strigoi.

Let me see.

Hmm.

Yeah, probably not.

Maya: I think I'll let this one go.

I think, I think Winswip starts to use her rune, looks around, and realizes

that there's nowhere else for it to go and drops her arms in defeat.

Meghan: Alright.

So we are going to see it, uh, attack Brekx and...

Okay.

It's going to do 20 piercing and 7 fire to Brekx, and Brekx had exactly 27.

Neda: Oh my god, that was me a couple turns ago.

Meghan: You see Brekx get chomped on.

Brekx falls.

And so it would have been Brekx's turn next, but, uh, they are down

and it is now Khabriel's turn.

You see Khabriel--

Neda: Come on, Khabriel.

Meghan: You see Khabriel look at Porla and look at the statue and say,

Khabriel: Porla, I'm sorry, I--

Meghan: And command the statue to sort of fly full speed at the Remorhaz.

And you see the statue lift up into the air, bolt like a projectile

into the Remorhaz's mouth, and then you see-- As it makes contact,

you see a strange thing happen.

You see Khabriel recoil a little bit as though in pain.

And you can sense that, you know, you can kind of tell when someone is

magically controlling something, just most of you are magic users and you

know what it looks like when someone is magically animating something.

You see that connection falter and crack a little bit.

And then you see Khabriel get knocked back onto his ass, like 10 feet away.

And the statue explodes into a bajillion little tiny shards, which, inside the

Remorhaz's mouth, takes it out easily.

It's a massive explosion inside of something.

So it's pretty gory, but it just eventually-- Most of it's contained,

and it just kind of flops down with a massive earth-shaking thud

and you just hear Porla wail,

Porla: "NOOOOOOO!"

Meghan: And that takes care of that.

So at this point, you've just got this stunned Strigoi on the ground.

Neda: Someone take it out of its misery.

Phil: Wait, wait.

Um, if we do take it out, I don't want to destroy the body.

I want to see if there's any kind of marking or like anything on it to sort of

indicate if something was controlling it.

Neda: No one explode this thing.

Meghan: Next in the order is Winswip.

Maya: Yeah.

Winswip is reeling from a lot of what just happened.

She sees Brekx fall and instantly regrets not actually using her Cloud Rune and

redirecting the damage to herself.

Um, and I'm just too slow, just too rusty, too slow.

And then this happens and, you know, immediate flashback to the last time

Khiron-- a Khiron lookalike, which was actually Khiron-- sacrificed herself

to do big damage to the big monster.

The Remorhaz is fully gone now, though, right?

Meghan: It's on the ground, still kind of half in and half out of

the ground, but it is, it is dead.

Maya: But it's dead.

Okay.

So there's nothing to hit basically.

And that's what she's good for.

She will just, yeah, she'll look over and see what Kit and

Avilene are up to, I guess.

And I think she'll, uh, this is stupid-- I think she's just going

to use her one Levitate of the day--

All: [laughter]

Neda: Still big!

Maya: --to get over to them.

Yeah.

A big, big levitate.

Um...

Neda: Big levitate!

Maya: Just the wind and just like pushes herself off to get back over

that platform and over to them.

Meghan: Alright.

So Winswip, you levitate over.

Maya: Yeah, I think she's just going to-- Because nothing is happening right now,

but she can see that they're still dealing with this and Avilene looks pretty bad.

And so Winswip just wants to get over there and then just

be ready in case it wakes up.

Meghan: All right.

After that, it is the Strigoi's is turn and the Strigoi is stunned.

So it can't really do anything.

So we're going to skip it for now, and it is now Esther's turn.

Jesse: Cool.

Esther is going to--

Maya: Sorry.

Sorry, sorry.

Um, I just want to just-- I'm just putting myself in the moment real quick.

Winswip will just be-- will definitely shout at Porla, like,

Winswip: Get them up!

Maya: Pointing to Brekx before she goes.

I'm sure she, I'm sure she's not the only one yelling that, but, you know.

Jesse: Esther is going to walk over to the, uh, Strigoi that is just laying

on the ground, and he is going to put both of his hands around it and just

do Shocking Grasp like through it.

All: [laughter, gasps]

Jesse: And I think-- And Fink-- And Fink is like next to him, just like

barking like madly at this little shit while it lays on the ground.

So that's a, uh, so, uh, 19 plus 7 to hit.

So 26.

Meghan: Yup.

Phil: Remember you do get advantage.

Jesse: Oh, yeah, I rolled-- okay, well, I already rolled with the help cause

of the, um, oh, cause of my familiar.

Phil: That's right.

Neda: We're all angry now, it's good.

Jesse: So that's 11 lightning damage.

Meghan: You send sparks through your hands and you electrocute this thing.

[electrical zapping]

Meghan: And as the magic dissipates, you see that it's still kind of

flailing feebly, but definitely a lot more scorched than before.

Phil: Fuck this thing.

Meghan: The smell of burning bat fills the air.

Neda: God, it's still fucking up.

Jesse: How is it still fucking alive?

Do I want to waste a fucking sorcery point on this?

Maya: [whispered] Do it!

Neda: Assuming this is--

Jesse: The end?

Neda: --the end.

Jesse: Okay.

Yeah, I'll just, I'm going to do Quicken spell again so I can

fucking just end this thing.

Or frickin' try to.

Neda: This is where we get the narrative crit.

Jesse: Esther like sees that it's still alive and is like,

Esther: Ugh...

[imitates electrical buzzing]

All: [laughter]

Jesse: Uh, 17.

Meghan: Mmhmm.

That'll hit.

Jesse: Please die, you fricking little shit.

[rolls] Uh, 10 lightning damage.

Meghan: Yeah.

Describe for me how you take out this Strigoi, you know, being mindful of-- I

don't know if you want to kill it, you can kill it, but you guys had sort of talked

about like preserving the body, so...

Neda: Just don't fry it too much.

Jesse: Yeah, I think it just is like the lightning just like zigzags all around it.

It's-- It is like, just trying to like suffocate it, but like with lightning.

Phil: So you're like fucking up it's heart, right?

Like--

Jesse: Yeah, it's just like, I think it's just like all of the--

Meghan: You're just euthanizing it.

Jesse: Yeah.

You could just like-- All of the rage that Esther has felt, you know,

like maybe like a pretty quiet, not showing a lot of emotion on his face,

but just like incredibly tense hands.

And then I think the second that it dies, Fink just like disappears,

like that, and he just like stands up and just hands it to Kit.

Kit: Yeah.

Esther: Figure this thing out.

Kit: We'll see what we can see.

Winswip: They have our blood, the other ones that got away.

Meghan: And as you all stand there, the adrenaline of battle still

rushing through your veins, you look around and you see your former party

mates covered in blood and ice.

It finally hits you.

You really are right back where you started.

Now, the question is: why?

[theme music begins]

Meghan: And that's where we'll end our episode.

[theme music plays]

Meghan: Hi everyone.

It's me, Meghan.

Sorry if I sound a little hoarse, I just did a bunch of retakes of Porla

screaming and I'm now realizing I should've done this first and that

second, but you know, live and learn.

Anyway, thank you so much for listening to our third episode, uh, we are so,

so grateful for all of your wonderful feedback and for your reviews, especially,

um, on, on Apple podcasts or whatever other podcast apps let you leave reviews.

Um, five-star ratings are super appreciated.

And please tell your friends about us.

Again, thank you so much.

If you want to stay in contact with us, follow us on Twitter at Quest Laid

Plans, and we're also on Patreon: patreon dot com forward slash quest laid plans.

Uh, we have our first bonus episode up of our after-show, which is hosted by

Neda, and it's called Pitch A Bitch, where castmates and eventually friends

of the show are going to pitch characters that they would like to play in D&D.

And our first guest is Maya.

And not only is it a fantastic pitch of a bitch, a bitch pitch, uh, it's also

a really cool, uh, conversation that they end up having, about sort of like

fandom history and the early days of forum RP, which I learned a lot from.

So patreon dot com forward slash quest laid plans.

We will see you next time, Questies.

Bye-bye.

[theme music plays]