Hello Lakers, and welcome back to another episode of “I’m Doing Fine”. This is Katie, pronouns she/her/hers back again here with my fellow peer eds to talk with you guys today. And at this point of the semester, we are all probably settling into a routine, our classes, kind of getting comfortable in the newness of the semester or maybe even the newness of college has sort of worn off. Maybe you’re hitting that halfway-through-the-semester slump and you’re slammed with homework, slammed with exams. But, this week, we are kind of talking about, umm roommate relationships and conflict resolutions as it is that point of the year where apartments and on-campus housing is coming up and you have to decide what you might want to do for living with next year. And to start off this podcast we kind of wanted to start off on a lighter note and share our first experiences here living our first year at Grand Valley, whether it was our freshman year or some of us here are transfer students and we kind of just wanted to talk about like what the community was like for us so I will start off. For me, I lived in good ole Niemeijer West, or if many of you know, the Honor’s College. Umm.

Represent!

*laughter”

I lived in the four-person apartment. And I remember walking in there thinking “ Do I even live in a dorm?”, like this is legit… There’s a kitchen, there’s two bathrooms. Like I was very overwhelmed because I expected to live in like a traditional like, you know small little dorm. So I was very thoroughly happily surprised and I was very excited to be connected to the Honors College. It connected me with the community that I was starting off college with so I could meet lots of people and I did meet so many people through that and I met some of my best friends, and it was just overall a really amazing experience for me. And I loved being next to the Blue Connection. Late Night was our thing, the wings- boneless wings there… I can still… that was… I will never forget that let’s just say. And umm there were so many resources, and I loved the community that was in South Campus, but I did not love that walk to Mackinaw and the gym if you’re like me and want to go to the gym every day. But yeah.

I concur with the Niemeijer love. I was also, am still in the Honors College except I lived in Holton Hooker, which at first I was kind of disappointed about because I saw those cushy Niemeijer buildings and I wanted to have my own room and everything, but I was so happy with the Living and Learning Community even in Holton Hooker. Plus we had Einstein downstairs, it was great. But umm, we had classrooms that we could do homework in after hours. It was just a really thriving community, especially because we already had something we already had in common, and it was a lot of fun. I remember the third floor was the wildest floor, like it was always loud and people were just talking. Which is not expected from, I don’t know, maybe it’s not expected from the Honors students. But, it was still a lot of fun and I am so grateful for that community looking back now.

Yeah, that’s awesome. Umm, yeah it was funny because Katie was talking about how Neijmeijer is a little bit bigger but it’s pretty far from Mackinaw. My umm, place that I lived freshman year was a little bit different. It’s kind of the opposite. I lived in Copeland, which is in Freshman land as probably many of you know, and it’s very small dorm rooms. Me and my roommate, we had a very small like 150 square foot room that we had to share. But it was cool because even though it was very tight quarters, a lot of people didn’t like being in their rooms so, because we were always in like the hallways or like in the community rooms that they offered we got to, I got to meet a lot of different people. And then also like everyone was coming from different places, so like the places that they lived, and everyone had different majors. It was cool getting to like learn about what paths so many different people were going on. So actually, most of my friends that I have today are from my floor, so yeah. It was a good experience even though it was a different one from Katie’s in the way that we lived, but it was good.

Yeah, and I umm had an experience, unlike my fellow other peer eds. I was, and I still am a transfer student. So this is my second year at Grand Valley, But when I came in, I had already done two years at a community college, so I was a little bit older. But I lived in Laker Village, I still live in Laker Village. But, so, with Laker Village, I really liked it because did have our own apartment style, and it was almost like a cute little townhouse with a front door, we hung signs on it, and I loved my roommates and I still do. And the cool thing about that was I thought I was going to be really isolated, but honestly, like some of my best friends were in my backyard. Like, we would walk and it would like five steps to their apartment which was just really nice. But I really liked it because it was a non-traditional type of room but like, it was cool. I liked it a lot.

So, as a transfer student, I wanted to try and take in as much new information about the campus and different opportunities on the campus as much as possible, but one resource that I recently learned about and wish I had known about sooner was Student Ombuds, so today we have a guest feature with Takeelia Garrett, who is going to talk about Student Ombuds, who she is, and what she does.

Hello, my name is Takeelia Garrett and I am with the Student Ambas here at Grand Valley State University. I have been in this position since 2015, my previous responsibilities were in housing and residence life as an assistant director. I have an extended housing and residence life background. 20 years working in housing residence as a life assistant director, as a women’s center director, and as a RA. And so, my job at Student Ombuds is to be a neutral person at the institution to help raise some informal resolutions to students that may have some issues with faculty, staff, or other students at the university. Again, students can come to me with any issues or concerns that they have. It is really informal, it is confidential, so that is one of the things that students don’t realize is that they can meet with me confidentially. So, anything that they say to me in my office is here between us and these four walls and the only way that I will share that information is if the student gives me permission to do so. So, it's really important. I’m kind of like the liaison between the students and the university. So, some things that I help students with: how to have conversations with landlords, with roommates, with supervisors, conversations with faculty members, you know when you’re trying to figure out that grade in the classroom or maybe the professor said something that you felt just wasn’t right to you. How do you go about having that conversation? Or maybe you sent an email to your faculty member that you felt was a good email but then later after going over it, you discover that it probably wasn’t an appropriate email to send to your faculty member. And so I help you with having those conversations and how to come to some type of resolution.

So, do I have any recommendations for roommates at the beginning of the year in regard to rules, routines, and boundaries, and how do you maintain good relationships or pair them when conflict arises? So, again my background is in housing and residence life, and one of the things that I always talk to people about is to set up kind of a roommate contract. I feel then all my time that I have worked with students and housing and residence life, but also in this role, once you start off the year with a contract with each other where you talk about boundaries and you talk about, you know, can you use things, what’s our cleaning schedule, who does what. That’s so helpful to talk about that at the beginning versus when problems arise. If you talk about things in the beginning and set things up during, what I call “the honeymoon phase”, it’s always so much more helpful than to wait when you have problems. And again, when you’re setting up those boundaries, those rules, those routines, talk about it as if you don’t know each other. As if this is a stranger to you. Even though you just met, sometimes people feel like, you know I just met you, we have a kindred spirit, but that’s the time you start talking about those steadfast rules, routines, things like that. So, if you say it’s okay for them to borrow your clothes, when is it okay for them to borrow your clothes? How will they have to return your clothes? Do they have to wash them before they return them or can they return them and you’ll wash them? You know, do they have to ask permission to borrow those clothes or can they just take those clothes without asking? Again, do we clean once a week? Who does the dishes? What is that rotation like? Who takes out the trash? Writing down all of those things and getting that set is so important.

The next thing to talk about is maintaining that good relationship or to repair when conflicts arise. Again, address conflicts as they happen. Don’t wait until you get to the point of where you’re going to blow up. The longer you wait, the worse it is going to get for you and address those concerns. There is a way to sit down and have a good conversation with each other and talk about that, that is one of the things that you want to talk about too. How would you like for me to address you when there are problems or concerns? So you already know ahead of time how that conversation is going to go. And so, it’s so important to make sure that you talk about that stuff in the beginning so that you don’t have to worry about when there are issues that happen. And again, if you're the person that someone is bringing an issue or concern to, make sure that you keep that open mind and you open yourself up to what that other person has to say. You know, you never know when you’re going to have an issue or concern with that person too so you want to make sure that you are treating them the way that you want to be treated when you bring forth an issue or concern.

What are some ways to stay comfortable in dorm life? So, one thing is that I don’t like the term “dorm”. I feel like it just means it's like a drap place with no life happening. So, I do like the term “residence life” because it does show that there is something happening there, that there is life, that you are doing things, that there are residence assistants in the area who are there to help you and to plan programming. And so, some ways to stay comfortable in the residence halls is to really to make it your space. So to have a nice comforter, to have the fluffy pillows, but also making sure that you and your roommate decide “how do we want to decorate this space?” And decorate it like your space at home, without painting the walls of course. But you want to make sure that you decorate your room like your room at home so that it is a comfortable space, and that it’s not a sterile environment, that you make it comfortable and cozy, and that you do invite people over to come to your space and have fun. Again, that’s part of those rules and regulations that you’ll talk about with your roommate. How often do you have guests over? When do you have guests over? If I have an 8 am class, no I don’t want guests to come over at 9 o’clock at night to watch a movie. So again, that’s part of the things that you talk about with your roommate. So, again making that space comfortable, looking like your room at home, make it comfortable, cozy, fluffy pillows, make it smell good, you know those plug-ins if you like those things, wallflowers, do that as well. So that’s a great way to make it comfortable, and to also think about getting involved on campus. That can make your life on campus and off campus feel more comfortable. You’re getting out, you’re meeting new people, you’re not just dependent on your roommate to be your friend, you're making other friends across campus, so that’s important and that will help, you know, encourage you to do more things on campus and to be more comfortable in your living area. So, thank you so much for having me and I really appreciate it, and if you have further questions please don’t hesitate to reach out to me at www.gvsu.edu/ombuds, or you can reach out to me at garrettt@gvsu.edu. Thank you, I really appreciate it.

I’m so happy that Tekeelia was able to talk about many things that is beneficial to students, like the resources that Student Ombuds provides, roommate boundaries, maintaining roommate relationships, and also how to feel more comfortable in residence life. Umm, we also wanted to touch on mental health and how you have a discussion with your roommate or making it a more comfortable topic to discuss in your housing. With mental health, you can definitely check in with your roommate and they can check in with you, but it’s important to establish a boundary of how involved you want to be with each other’s lives. You don’t need to tell your roommate everything, but definitely like, be able to have that resource of your roommate is helpful and also, if you notice that you and your roommate, or just yourself, is in need of mental support in any way, the Student Counseling Center is another resource that you can use as well as the Student Ombuds resource. You can always come in or call to get more information about the resources the center offers, or if there is ever a crisis you can definitely come in and we can help you with mental health concerns.

Yeah and Emma mentioned this but, with like your roommates, you’re always there like, at some point you guys will be there at the same time and you might be the only person they see in a day that’s like constant, so it is really important that you do check in on each other, and like Emma said, still have those boundaries but if you notice, maybe you notice your roommate isn’t getting out of bed or things just seem off, check-in. You guys are really there for each other, whether you have one or three roommates. It’s just kind of like that one constant in your life, even if you have different friend groups, like you guys are living together so it is really important to establish that relationship as well.

With roommates, we also wanted to touch on the stress of housing assignments. It’s that time of the year, well we are coming up on the holidays but we are also coming on signing leases. YAYYY! And everyone is trying to figure out where they want to live next year, who they want to live with. I know Katie had mentioned earlier when we were talking about this podcast, emails beyond galore of different places trying to get you to sign with them, and like the pressure of you have to sign now or you’ll lose an opportunity. But it’s just in everyone’s best interest to like take the time to figure out who you want to live with, make sure you know who you’re living with, looking for the best place whether that be in distance of campus or cost, just making sure that you’re doing everything you can to make sure you have a nice place to live.

Yeah, and I think it might catch you with the Instagram post, saying like “Oh there’s a deal here. Sign now or you’ll get a surprise” But like, ultimately you will figure it out and whatever you do figure out will work out, and if it doesn’t work out it’s only a year, and then you have a year after that or maybe you’ll find somewhere else. But kind of adding on to what Keegan was talking about, you might feel like pressured to maintain relationships with people you might have already signed with or who you’re thinking about signing with to be roommates, and I think it’s really important, umm also, to remember that you don’t have to be best friends with your roommates. Of course, you want to establish good relationships, a good routine, be friendly with your roommates, and have a good connection to where it’s not like awkward, but it’s also okay to meet your own groups, have your own clubs, your own friends, go home - even see your old friends. I think that’s really important too because college isn’t just about your roommates, and sticking with your roommates the whole time. You want to branch out and meet new people, talk to professors and stuff like that, and especially for those first-year students, you might be feeling like okay you got randomly assigned to live in let’s say Holton Hooker with two other people and you might to them over the summer, and maybe you guys have a great relationship are you are really good friends, and that’s great, but just remember that throughout the year the culture shock of being college, and the independence change, and you guys might have conflicting personalities, whether it be like your lifestyles, what you want to do on weekends, how you do your homework, and it’s just important that you establish a good relationship and a good foundation but remember it’s okay to have your own set of friends as well.

Absolutely, that is so true. And even if you’re not besties with your roommate, that doesn’t exclude you from having your own traditions and doing things together, your own routine. You can be close with them while, like Katie said, still having your own life. So, you can do things like cook dinner together, or even just go and grab your mail together. You can find different ways to incorporate just spending time with that person, maybe even re-establishing boundaries if you need to and just those daily routines. But with that, I think that was a pretty awesome overview of living with others, whether it’s your first year on campus or many years after. It’s my fourth year, and I could still use all the advice in this podcast and know more about Ombuds but, with our talking about things we like to do with our roomies or friends, this is this week's Peer picks, and that would be our favorite ways to spend time with others. So, my favorite is definitely movie nights, it's even better when the other person has subscriptions that you don’t already have. So get on your Hulu, Netflix, you can just - I have Youtube nights with my friends because we are both very big fans of video essays, like social commentaries, so that’s fun. But another thing that’s fun is dressing up and going out to dinner, even the dress-down versions, diet coke runs, anyone?

Uh, yeah I have to agree with Bella. Those are exactly what I like to do too is umm - we have a lot of movie nights, umm me and my old roommates did and also we did a lot of diet coke runs, right before Mcdonald's closes, umm because we were obsessed. But also just sitting around and chit-chatting is also really fun. Like in between, I know like when we all needed a break from homework, we would all just sit on the couch and chat. So those are my favorite ways to spend time with roommates and also friends.

Yeah, and to talk about my Peer pick, as you already might know about me, I work at Starbucks so of course, my favorite thing to do with my friends is to go on coffee dates and it doesn’t have to be at Starbucks although I am a little biased. I love going to like coffee shops and just like sitting and talking for hours. There are no better conversations than at a coffee shop. Umm, but I also love …. Late night drives, even if it’s just driving around nowhere and just talking, I feel like sometimes you just need to get out of your space and like listen to some music, crank it all the way up, umm I don’t know about you guys but I’m like a sucker for rootbeer floats at Culver’s so I would love to go and like get in the car with a friend, and get some rootbeer floats and just drive around just talking about life because life is stressful and sometimes you just need that to vent or like to just listen and be with your friends that’s not, you know, necessarily spending a ton of money.

Yeah, one of my favorite ways to spend time with friends are kind of similar with the coffee, but we’re specific, we do Dunkin trips. Yeah I know, sorry Katie. *laughter* But, we- it’s usually last minute, spur of the moment, who’s up for Dunkin, and we are all in the car within 15 minutes, no matter what we look like, and we are on our way to Dunkin. But another way that I like to spend time with friends, we like to get study rooms at the library a lot of time with the intention of like using the full time to study but a lot of the time it's just like to catch up and you know, maybe gossip a little bit. But I think that’s also just a way - we usually do that every Sunday, so we try and do some studying and talking, catching up. But yeah, I like to do that.

Well, speaking of studying Lakers… we Peer Eds have to get back to our daily routine but thank you so much for spending your time listening to this podcast with us. We’re sorry if we made you thirsty but we hope you still enjoyed it. Thank Lakers, have a great day!