97.02 David Bradford - Healthy feedback - not crossing the net
David speaks about how there are three realities in any conversation between A and B. 1) A’s intent 2) A’s behaviour 3) Impact of A’s behaviour on B. A can see 1 and 2 and B can see 2 and 3. The challenge often happens when A makes up a story about 3 or B makes up a story about 1. David likens this to how we play tennis and urges us to stay on the same side of the net (2 being the metaphorical net in this case).
David has been teaching the landmark Interpersonal Dynamics course (informally called as Touchy Feely by many) at Stanford for over 50 years. He has distilled some of his learnings and insight from these five decades in a recently published book titled – Connect: Building Exceptional Relationships with Family, Friends and Colleagues. It is always a pleasure to speak to somebody who has spent decades honing a certain craft.
We start with discussing the six markers of an exceptional relationship, then move on to talking about the criticality of the right language, then we talk about the notion of crossing the net, something that is possibly at the root of a large part of the misunderstanding between humans. This is one of those things that is so simple and can have such a transformational impact on our lives if we can apply it consistently. We then talk about how we can build the interpersonal muscle with kids and the right kind of vulnerability that we should consider showing at our work place. This conversation could be relevant for anybody who is working with people, which practically means all of us!
Published in Dec 2022.
Deepak is a Leadership Advisor and an Executive Coach. He works with leaders to improve their effectiveness and in helping them make better decisions specifically around organizational and career transitions. He currently runs Transition Insight (www.transitioninsight.com) and works with leaders to handle phases of transition thoughtfully. He has worked as an Operations Consultant with KPMG in UK, Strategy Consultant with McKinsey in the US and as a Leadership Consultant with EgonZehnder (a Swiss Leadership Advisory firm) where he helped companies recruit CEOs, CXOs and Board Members and worked on Leadership Development. Deepak is a certified CEO Coach and is an alumnus of IIT Madras, IIM Ahmedabad and London Business School. His detailed profile can be found at https://in.linkedin.com/in/djayaraman
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