When You're in a Love Triangle with Gabe Mollica

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Sterling: [00:00:00] She said what?

Blair: How could they do something like that?

Sterling: Are you serious?

Blair: What a thirsty m-f-er!

Sterling: Not good. She's absolutely dead to me.

Blair: That's cuz she died.

Sterling: I'm Sterling Mulberry.

Blair: And I'm Blair Peyton. And welcome to

Blair and Sterling: Bad Behavior.

Sterling: A morally questionable podcast.

Blair: Where two unqualified friends,

Sterling: two unhinged comedians,

Blair: determined once and for all what is good

Sterling: and what is bad.

Sterling: Hi Blair.

Blair and Sterling: Hello, Sterling. How are you? I am so wonderful and it's. So wonderful to be in your presence on this beautiful day, getting ready to podcast. Everyone's faces off with bad behavior. Oh God. What? What a nightmare. I just did a wonderfully warm opening and the fact that you attacked, I'm so sorry.

Blair and Sterling: You're so bad behavior.

Blair and Sterling: I'm calling it. You're so right. You're so right. I just, I'm feeling a little , feeling a little not my best today. I'll be honest. Oh,

Blair and Sterling: what's [00:01:00] wrong? What's, what's going on, baby girl ? No, I'm

Blair and Sterling: just, I'm a little hungover. I'm a little hungover. This

Blair and Sterling: is no way. I'm not hungover. Uh, have you ever thought, , I wanted to ask you about this.

Blair and Sterling: So I guess it's a perfect segue. So on Instagram I get served ads uh huh for, um, a million things. I'll probably get served it today once we leave. Yeah, but it's this, should I name the brand or No? I'm not gonna talk positively about it, so probably not. Okay. Maybe not, but we can't,

Blair and Sterling: I answered it. We can't.

Blair and Sterling: You know, unless they wanna, I'm talking about a potential

Blair and Sterling: sponsor. Yeah. If they've, if they sponsor the show, I'll totally lie. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm gonna be really honest with you guys. No, it was the stuff and it was always on Instagram. and it's supposed to be like, like wine, but without the alcohol.

Blair and Sterling: So you're so juice? No, it has like adaptogens in it and like other shit that's supposed, I don't even know what that word is. I don't either. Okay. I think it's healthy, but it's supposed to give you the feeling of having wine without [00:02:00] the negative side effects. Anyways, I bought it all right, and it tasted.

Blair and Sterling: Have you ever like just walked in a room that's filled with wood? Yeah. . It was like, I've been to a cabin. Yeah, a cabin. Yeah. Well, it tasted like imagine tasting that smell. That. Alright. So it's not great. Okay. . That's my story. Oh, okay. . So, but I, if you wanted to find it because you're an alcoholic. No, you wanted to find an alternative my, for your problem.

Blair and Sterling: Oh my God, you should try this stuff. I'll give you the name off here. Oh God no.

Sterling: I was thinking today cuz I was like, Yeah, not feeling my bad when I was like trying to remember what I when I was feeling this hungover. And honestly, Larry, I think it might have been with you in 2019.

Blair: Is it the time you pulled me into the, um, porta potty?

Blair: Porta potty? Yeah. Okay.

Sterling: So in 2019, porta potties are small, just practice so small, and I did make them, you know how everyone's like, oh, girlies pee together. Yeah. Well, I take it to a whole new level. I said, Blair, get in here. And we were in, it was a regular [00:03:00] size porta potty that I made you pee with me in.

Sterling: You were

Blair: like, go with me to the bathroom. Yeah. And I was like, just drunk enough to, I was like, okay. Yeah, . And so I went And you just like you sat down, started doing your business.

Sterling: No, I definitely was squatting. I did. I would never, well, whatever.

Blair: You were bent. Yeah, I was bent. , you were bent. So at that point in your setting, I guess, but like you just launched into this full conversation.

Blair: I was like, you know what, this is not what I thought it would be. And I,

Sterling: I loved it. And from that day forward, anytime I'd go to the bathroom, I'd be like, Blair, do you remember that

Blair: bathroom at that restaurant that had. Two toilets, side by side with no wall.

Sterling: Okay. So for Blair's birthday, one year we went out, uh, it was our hookah bar one, we a really, really good Chinese restaurant in the East Village.

Sterling: And then we went to this, yeah, a hookah bar. And we go downstairs to go to the bathroom. Regular. We open up and I'm talking, this is a one bathroom. Bathroom, no stalls. We open up the door. That should be like a single bathroom. There are two toilets side by side [00:04:00] and we. Huh? It was so, it was like we were truly cackling the whole rush of the night.

Blair: Like I feel like that's actually like something

Sterling: for, that was a fun, that was a fun birthday. That was a fun night. It was.

Blair: Um, but I feel like those, okay. Blair hated it. No, it was, but I'm just like, those toilets are meant for people who were like in true love. And true

Sterling: love, you know,

Blair: not us. Like they can't separate and they're like, let's, let's deduce love.

Blair: It's not true. Not true because I don't wanna see anything you got going on. Oh my God. And I got a little bit of a rash happening and I don't, oh God. Think you wanna see that? Anyways. All right, well, on that note, let's bring in our guest. You know him from the successful Off-Broadway show Solo, a show about friendship currently running at the Soho Playhouse in lower Manhattan till the end of the month, we have a ticket link in our bio.

Blair: Be sure to get your tickets. Please make welcome the hilarious Gabe Moka. Well, hello.

Sterling: Hello. You're welcome. Hi. Thank you so much for coming

Gabe: on [00:05:00] today. Oh, it's a pleasure. You got me out of the, outta my bed, outta my room. This is fantastic. Great. I greeted you today.

Blair: Oh, good. So basically, if we had not called you in for this Yeah.

Blair: Where would

Gabe: you be? Oh, I would be, there would be, I would be, no clothes or like, just like sweatshirt line in bed. Wouldn't do anything. Yeah. Now, .

Blair: I'm gonna ask, how do you sleep naked with clothes, underwear? What's your, what's your good? One minute in. One minute

Gabe: in. No, this is a great question. Usually boxers, I remember I stopped making so

Blair: boxers and no shirt

Gabe: usually.

Gabe: Really? Okay. Yeah. It depends. Well, I thought that's

Blair: kind of. Usual though I like to have a a top on cuz I just, even alone I'm self-conscious. , it's, I'm working on it with my therapist. The spiders are gonna

Gabe: see. Yeah, no, I hear

Blair: that. I wanna ask you a question, please. , uh, that relates to actually what the show is.

Blair: Bad behavior. How do you approach.

Gabe: bad behavior. So in life, I, I, I, I talk about these moments as like gym to the camera moments in the office. Mm-hmm. . Okay. You need somebody to make eye contact with, like, can you believe that was said? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's usually, [00:06:00] that sometimes manifests, unfortunately, I apologize in like a side text.

Gabe: Where it's usually to my buddy Nick, we're like, I can't believe so and so just said that. That's such, that's so shitty. It's a little

Blair: caddy. I know. But do you ever fear that you're, one of my biggest fears, is that like, I'll say that and send it to the

Gabe: person I'm talking about. . Of course. That's a huge, okay.

Gabe: That's a massive fear. And it's happened everyone.

Blair: Right? Has that happened to you? It hasn't happened to me yet that I can remember.

Gabe: Um, Oh goodness. I've definitely have sent the wrong text, like talking about my mom, and so I send it to my mom. It hasn't been like so aggressive. Okay, well can you say what was said,

Gabe: Um, I can say one I got on the wrong end of. Yeah. Perfect. You ready for this one? Mm-hmm. . My mom one time sent me a text that was meant for my father that said, uh, come home for steak and sex. And I went, I was in the next room and I was. Mom and she went, oh my god, Gabe, I'm so sorry. It was a joke. We were having fun.

Gabe: I was like, oh, you guys are funny. . Cause like I'm home. Like there's no, like, there's definitely steak, but there was nothing

Blair: sex. [00:07:00] I think that's great because they're still very active. But my mind immediately went to like, we need to talk. I'm leaving you. That's what where my mind

Gabe: was. Oh wow.

Sterling: Wait. Wait, steak and sex is, I'm leaving you.

Blair: No, before he got to the steak and sex bar. Oh, I thought she was gonna say, I'm leaving you. Oh. In a text, which I'm like, Deborah, come

Gabe: on. Would be hilarious because my parents are such like boomer texters, so it'd be like I'm leaving you two spaces, two exclamation marks. Yeah, absolutely.

Sterling: I feel like I, I can't really remember, but I definitely have done a classic screenshot of like the text conversation and then sent it in that conversation.

Sterling: And you're like, how do I come back from this? And you're like, oops, phone being weird, weird, weird. Like, like, like, I don't know. That one's really tough. Well,

Blair: here's, here's a fun fact. This is how my brother-in-law found out I was gay, as aside from it being blatantly obvious . Um, so years ago, back when I was living in my hometown,

Blair: I had moved in with a crush. Big mistake. Don't ever, don't ever do that. . Uh, [00:08:00] like I liked him, but he was dating someone, but I was like, nah, I'll make it work. I was an idiot. But like, his name was the same as my brother-in-laws at the time. So in the middle of the night I was drunk and I'm like, and this seems like a good time to text him and let him know my feelings.

Blair: So I sent a text, but I send it to the wrong person. Classic. But what? But he never said anything. I'm sorry, what did you say? ? Yeah. I don't know. . Oh, I'm sure it was like, . G rated? Yeah, it was

Sterling: probably tv. Did your brother-in-law say anything back or just kind of like, I mean,

Blair: after I came out, he was like, yeah, I know you sent me a text.

Blair: I

Gabe: was like, oh. Oh, so you didn't even

Blair: realize. I never knew I did it. Oh, wow. Wow. Yeah. Hilarious.

Gabe: And he's like, I had evidence. It's like

Blair: you could have figured it out. Well, cuz he told my sister, he was like, I think your brother's gay. And she was like, why do you say that? And he was like, read this . And I was like, wow.

Blair: That's great. I love how your sister was like, huh. Well my sister, this is a whole other story for another time. But she thought I was asexual for the longest time cuz I was like, I can't find the right girl. But it was like [00:09:00] with a dick, you know, . Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Anyways, you're off Broadway.

Gabe: It's true.

Gabe: It's true. Yeah. I'm doing a solo show Yeah. Um, that I've been working on for like years and years and years, and I did it all these little fringe festivals all over the world for almost no people. Mm. And so when you do it for no people, you just like use real names. Mm-hmm. like up the people in the story.

Gabe: Yeah. And then you get written out in the New York Times, I'm like, I gotta change these things. Like ,

Blair: like, well, tell us how the show came.

Gabe: When I was living in Edinburg, um, and we can talk about this at greater length, but like my best friend and my girlfriend kind of like fell in love and the next day I started to do standup.

Gabe: And so I started standup knowing, oh, I'm gonna do a solo show like Mike Bigley. It wasn't like most of those guys, they do 10 years of standup and then they pivot. I was going to open mics being like, how does this joke about rice cakes like fit my narrative? ? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

Blair: yeah. .

Gabe: And so, but comedy's really hard.

Gabe: You have to get the reps in of just doing comedy, just doing stand. So for like five, six years, like I was kind of straddling both. And then eventually I just like wrote down all my jokes and wrote down all my [00:10:00] stories and like combined them. Mm-hmm. . Yeah. And then this pasture really started to come together in that, um, my mom got sick, she's fine.

Gabe: Mm-hmm. okay. But my friends, my like buddies who I hang out with from Long Island, like didn't know what to do. And so I started. Thinking about the show as a friendship show. Mm. And so I started with the premise of like, oh, I don't have friends. Yeah. And once I started opening the show by being like, this is a show about how I don't have friends.

Gabe: Literally got a newspaper review the first time I said that. Wow. In Canada, that was like, this is a show about a man with no friends. I was like, I guess this is what the show's about .

Blair: Okay. Yeah. Like what is the worst show you've ever done? I did

Gabe: a show in Edinburgh and I got this couple, and you know, it's like a classic, like the woman's really into it and the guy's kind of like standoffish and Yeah.

Gabe: You know, you know hetero people . Yeah. Yeah. We're familiar. I'm familiar. And the guy in the middle of the show starts doing like one of those like finger puzzles, like from middle school where he'd be like blue, b l u e, like. one of those. And so I'm like in the middle of the thing, I was like, Hey man, like you can't do that.

Gabe: And I was very nice to him. Uhhuh, . And afterwards [00:11:00] he went up to me and he, I think because like his girlfriend was like mad at him, Uhhuh, that he, uh, like. Distracted me. Yeah. And he was like, don't ever fucking talk to me like that. Sorry, can I swear? Oh yeah. Don't ever talk to me like that again. Like you're a piece of shit.

Gabe: Like I hate you. And he dropped some money in the bucket and the stormed out and,

Blair: but I will say, to tie it to the show theme, you saw bad behavior happening. And you attacked it .

Sterling: That's crazy. I'm sorry. A grown man having that in his pocket, I don't know what is going on.

Blair: Yeah. Are you

Gabe: a super macho dude or are you a guy that does the finger puzzle?

Sterling: We have a little game we like to call heaven. Or hell on this podcast. This is a game where you are going to rate on a scale of one being hell, 10 being heaven, where you think these behaviors lie. And because your show is all about friendship, these are going to be some behaviors kind of surrounding friendship and where you kind [00:12:00] of think that they lie.

Sterling: Do you wanna, you wanna kick us off? I would love one

Blair: to. Thank you so much, Sterling. Um, so the first one, a friend spontaneously, FaceTimes. That heaven

Gabe: or hell for you? Oh, I don't like that. Uh, one is hell. One's hell. That's a three and a half for me. Oh, okay. We're not that type of people. You text me and see if I've taken

Blair: calls , when it happens.

Blair: What is your first response? Like, what do you

Gabe: do? So this gets into a, an important thing about my show, which is that straight men do not emote or share like my friends do not FaceTime. Okay that, that way we, I would be like, something's wrong. This one.

Blair: FaceTimes, . I love FaceTime and even though we're friends, I have to get the lighting to be good.

Sterling: No, I'm constantly, I am, I am surprised FaceTiming anyone I can get my hands on. I hate it. Don't you just feel like it's, I mean, not anyone I can get that sounds literally like I'm doing a strangers. No, but I just feel like. I love to FaceTime. I love to FaceTime a friend and if I get a FaceTime, I'm [00:13:00] just overjoyed.

Blair: Well, no, because you're putting in more work cuz you're having to hold the phone at your face. No, I understand. But don't. But like if you just call me and I have you on like my headset, I can walk, I can roam,

Sterling: I'm free. Okay. But Arthur, we're throwing about you. You're doing sorry. Yeah, sorry. We're already getting mine.

Sterling: Mine's one mine. Mine's a 10. Unless it's like someone I really hate, then I'm. What we, but I've never had that. I

Gabe: often, when I see other people do it, I'm like, that's healthy. We have this technology. You can see your best friend, you can see their face. Yeah. Yeah. And, and I don't do it. I just like them in my room.

Gabe: So Katie, if

Sterling: you're getting a random FaceTime, are you like kind of hanging up? Are you saying like, because I have a lot of friends who hate it that they're like, what's up, question mark? And you're like, so you

Blair: are. I am, I'm that person. And I'm like, I'll do that. And I'm like, just, you could, yeah. Well, sometimes I'll lie and say, I'm, uh, I'm on the toilet.

Blair: Let me, I'll text you back. Ooh, that's a good one. Yeah. So

Gabe: yeah. What do you usually do? Um, Usually, I'm pretty honest. I'm like, I don't wa I don't wanna do this. , . I'm

Sterling: like, so [00:14:00] you answer and say,

Gabe: I don't wanna do this. No. I'll, I'll text them. I'll not accept and be like, or like, oh, like, like I can't right now.

Gabe: But like, I

Blair: definitely can't. That's healthy . I don't know. It could bear with Dr. Phil. No, Dr. Phil has a, a talk show where he gives advice, like very sound advice. Yes. And it's all about like setting healthy. And that's what you're doing. Mm. So

Sterling: you're saying he's Dr. Phil the worst thing you can be . Okay.

Sterling: Number two.

Blair: No, he's being what? Dr. Phil exposes. Mm-hmm. . All right. And number. But you're connected to Dr. Phil. That's gotta be

Gabe: fair. That's nice. Yeah. But take the money.

Sterling: Okay. Number two. a friend bringing their significant other to dinner without telling

Gabe: you, Ooh, you gotta tell me. Cuz that changes the whole vibe.

Gabe: A hundred percent. It's a vibe shift. Yeah. So I'm gonna ask an annoying follow up question. No, absolutely. That you may not have thought of. Is it like their spouse or is it like a new significant other? Um,

Sterling: I will say it's a significant other. You've definitely met before. It's not like a first time meeting them.

Sterling: I wouldn't say it's a spouse. I'm gonna say it's. . It's a girlfriend, boyfriend. Yeah. You're definitely [00:15:00] not FaceTime like I feel like a spouse. You're gonna be like, oh, likely the spouse is coming most of the time, I guess. Mm-hmm. . This would be like a good friend. You've definitely like hung out, met their significant other, but they're just are starting to bring them without even asking, I'm

Gabe: against anyone.

Gabe: Changing the vibe of what I thought I was walking into that it be a pet. . Mm. Let it be like, like . My buddy Nick went out to dinner recently with these, like his wife's like rich friends or whatever, and they brought their like poodle and he was like, no, no, no. Now I'm with the poodle guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Gabe: It's bad enough. You brought me to this restaurant I didn't want to go to, so how yappy

Blair: was the poodle? Not, but it was the attention, but yeah, yeah. Oh no. Was

Gabe: it outdoor? Indoor? Oh, it was indoor. This was the plaza. . It was like the fancy restaurant. Like I'm,

Blair: I'm familiar. Yeah. That's, I can't even believe they would

Sterling: let that

Gabe: in.

Gabe: I, I think when you sit at the bar for hours and like, spend a ton of money on drinks and shit, they're, they let do whatever you want. You

Blair: bring your dog. They're like, do you want us to walk your dog for you,

Gabe: until the other half lips.

Sterling: Okay. So what number are you giving this?

Gabe: Ooh. , um, Ooh. This I don't like, this is even lower than the FaceTime.

Gabe: Uh, this is a two,

Sterling: you know, you can go into negatives if, if it's required. . Yeah.

Blair: I [00:16:00] love this. We're not picking,

Gabe: okay, I'm gonna say a two for

Blair: me. Dog friend Flaking on plans 30 minutes before on a Thursday night, a Friday night. or a Saturday.

Sterling: So we want different rankings for each night. Yeah. And you could say that it's the same ranking for all, or if there's maybe any variety.

Sterling: Ooh,

Gabe: okay. Um, Thursday I am super fine with, cause I probably got shit to do the next day. Mm-hmm. and I'm like, you like someone else cancels plans. That's kind sometimes that's really nice. Yeah. Right. A weekend. Those are kind of more valuable. . Ooh, that's tough. That's lower. So I would say on a Thursday, that's like a six or seven for me.

Gabe: Okay. We go into the Friday, Saturday zone. That's, that's going into like the two three.

Sterling: Yeah. And is there any difference between a Friday or

Gabe: Saturday night? Um, Saturday feels like more important real estate. Mm-hmm. , right. Friday we worked. Oh, you wanna cancel? I guess

Sterling: I'll just, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Okay.

Blair: Number four.

Blair: Uh, okay. A friend is uh, throwing you a surprise birthday. .

Gabe: Okay. [00:17:00] I've thought about this. Mm-hmm. . Okay. Really? I've thought about this recently because I didn't, do you have a birthday coming up? It's, it's, it's, uh, it's Valentine's Day. Oh. Uh, and I didn't have a big 30th. Yeah. And, you know, I have the show, so it's always like, kind of on my mind.

Gabe: It's like, oh, like could that happen? And then, um, I realized all my friends are idiots that don't have the organizational skills. We'll never do that. Um, that I, I mean, I like the attention, obviously. Yeah. Yeah. Um, I would say, you know what I, I would say that's the thing I would like. Okay. Okay.

Sterling: So you're going like a niner 10 then?

Sterling: Yeah, for sure. Okay. All right. Well have your friends listen to the pod . Let me throw

Blair: you a

Gabe: party in a second. Well, wo, so in my experience, women love to do stuff and men do not . So like just in general, just in gen, just anything. Yeah. And

Blair: I think that, A fair assessment.

Gabe: Like where was it? Somebody's like surprise party where like they surprised this woman who's Nick's wife's friend or something.

Gabe: And they had like heels waiting for her. They had like a makeup team waiting for her. It was like, oh, she's gonna be mad if [00:18:00] we surprise her. Oh wow. She's not like in the getup. And I remember being like, wow, like that is just like not the way that I would appre. Like, okay, we got you a button down . Get this away from me.

Sterling: That's so funny. Okay, number five. A friend asking to stay with you in your New York City apartment for a week.

Gabe: This does happen. Yeah. Mm-hmm. ? Um hm. This, this is a tricky one. Can, can you let us

Sterling: know your apartment

Gabe: set up? Yeah, I have two

Blair: roommates. Okay. Okay. And what's your rent? ? No,

Sterling: but like do you have any like guest room?

Sterling: Is there, like what, where kind of usually would a guest stay if they were to come? We have

Gabe: like a giant living room. Okay. Okay. Um, For, it's like a, it's like the third floor of like a house kind of Astoria. Okay. Mm-hmm. . Um, so in theory, like we could set somebody up pretty easily in there. Yeah. Um, I don't mind that they, we could, they could sleep on the couch.

Gabe: It's more of, um, When that does happen, I have a friend from Outta town who I'll stay with in Northern California and he'll stay with me here. Um, it's [00:19:00] more like, oh, I'd rather like go visit my parents for the weekend. And you're just like, you get the apartment? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You gotta work. You're here to work.

Gabe: Like, it's fine. We'll, we'll it all evens out, but it, it does add a little stress to like, give up your apartment and stuff like that. That's like, uh, that's like a five for maybe in the

Blair: middle. The middle. That's fair. Um, okay. And our last one friend calling their significant other. Oh, I already have a judge.

Blair: Sorry, I was re, I was reading and answering it as I wrote these ones. Yeah. friend calling their significant other, their best friend.

Gabe: My, I don't know if my friends from Long Island would say that. Okay. Like, it's just not their style. I don't think it, it would, it would a little gimme the ick a little

Blair: bit.

Blair: And what's also an insult, like I've had friends that I've, you know, been friends with since like birth mm-hmm. And to automatically demote them for someone I'm, you know, doing sex with feels unfair. Sure. You lose it. It's like they didn't earn it. I mean they did. I mean, cuz of sex . But like, it's, it's different.

Blair: I.

Sterling: I feel like there's a big [00:20:00] thing in culture being like, I'm looking for my best friend. You know? Or like I'm looking to find my best friend and I feel like as a girl who has a lot of, or is a best friend or has a lot of best friends, whenever I'm dating I'm like, look, likely you're gonna come and go.

Sterling: And my best friends have known me since I was four years old and like, I don't know, I'm like, you get, I think a significant other gets pretty much every title in the book that's like, just let your friend have the one. Like you could say, it's one of my best friends or a play. But I've also been like, if, I also believe if, if your relationship ever ends, you then have to be like, I lost my friend, significant other and my best friend.

Sterling: Then I'm like, just don't. Yeah. But I know some people really like calling their significant

Gabe: other, their best friends. Yeah. I think that's a healthy boundary. They can be this significant other, can be everything but best friend. And it is true. I think some of the earlier mistakes in my life where it's like I've dated somebody and then like my friends like.

Gabe: Disappear. Kind of where it's like, oh, I have this amazing Yeah. Relationship and um, and that always [00:21:00] stinks cause you have to go back to your friends and be like, sorry, I was like all up in that. Like, well,

Blair: and just imagine if it was the time of MySpace. Did you guys ever have MySpace ? I did not. Then you have to readjust your topic.

Blair: Yeah. . And that's wrong.

Sterling: we've invited you. And I think you know the reason and that's cuz you're desperate. Absolutely desperate for help with . A situation.

Blair: Yeah. And we're experts. We are experts. Like I've seen three or four episodes of Dr. Phil as we've discussed.

Sterling: Yeah. And I have lived for 28 years. So do you have a story for us today that's maybe you're a little confused in which, if you're in the right, the wrong, bad behavior, good behavior,

Blair: put your hand in our hands, , whenever you, we wanna make this intro as long as possible.

Blair: Put your hand in our hands and we will guide you to the path of righteousness. Oh, gorgeous

Gabe: Blair. Thank you. I'm gonna be as quick as possible cuz this is a story in the show, , but I, I used to have a best. and in college, and [00:22:00] we would spend every night together. Okay. Basically in a classroom watching YouTube videos, kissing, talking shit.

Gabe: Not kissing, but like the straight equivalent. Okay. Like what do you think two men do who are like intimate in a friendship way? We're doing that.

Blair: I was gonna make a joke here, but it feels very dirty and I'm, I don't know if we're there yet. Oh. And we were sleeping with each other. Oh, okay. Okay. . I was gonna say Jo's.

Blair: I'm clean. Keep going, keep going.

Gabe: I'm. and then we got a job. We each, so he told me about what he did during the summer vacation, which is he worked at a summer camp for sick kids. Oh. Um, best job in the world. Met some amazing kids and it's really important work. Yeah. You're like, feel like you're making a difference in the world.

Gabe: And when we're there, he introduces me. He has a girlfriend's name is Tom. He has a girlfriend. Okay. And he introduces me this to this woman at the bar who works at the camp. And he's like, you're gonna love her. She did high school marching. Which like

Sterling: totally my time. I'm sorry, can I just pause really quick?

Sterling: Your your best friend. Yeah. He says, I have this girl and you know why you're gonna love her. She does high school marching band. Yeah. That's, it's kind of my brand. Okay. Oh, that's your brand. Ok. Ok. I just wanted

Blair: ok. [00:23:00] Ok. Any particular instrument that gets you going? Yeah, .

Gabe: Um, just like the marching, the fact that she would talk to me Okay.

Gabe: Is a huge turn on. Okay, great. Okay. Um, okay. So you're at the bar. I'm at the bar and he's like, you're gonna. and, uh, this woman, Jackie is like, um, she's, she's pre-med and she's a varsity athlete. Mm-hmm. on scholarship. Mm-hmm. So she's like super accomplished, but she also like, loves poetry, music and books and stuff like that.

Gabe: Mm-hmm. . Mm-hmm. . So we start talking, we have this amazing time and I'm already having like the best time in the world at the summer camp. and that my best friend brought me to. So I'm kind of like entering his world a little bit. Okay. And as the summer goes on, like they're working together in a cabin and I'm like in a different cabin.

Gabe: So they're spending a lot of time together. But every night the three of us hang out. So basically every night, me and my best friend and my girlfriend, but they're spending time during the day together that I don't, that I don't get to see. Wait, she's your girlfriend? She's my girlfriend. Yeah. We get together.

Gabe: Yeah. Yeah. Sorry.

Blair: She marched her way into, into his heart. I'm like,

Sterling: we were, I'm sorry. We were adjust at the bar. Yeah. Just a little timeline. When do we go from bar to girlfriend? Like when did we make

Gabe: that label official? That's a great question. That takes like a couple weeks of like, kind of like [00:24:00] just two hooking up.

Gabe: Yeah. But in summer camp world, I, you guys have worked at a summer camp. No, I went to church

Blair: camp. Okay. . That, that, so his timeline, I don't know if that'd be faster or slower. Uh, it was, it was 10 days. So you had to work quick. Okay. . Yeah.

Gabe: But every day feels like a year. Yeah. Yeah. Because cuz you're just, you're all up in each other's stuff.

Gabe: Yeah. And what age are we again? We're 22. 23.

Blair: Okay. Gotcha. Um, would you say, Feeling 22 .

Gabe: I don't know about you. I don't know about you. Okay, so during this time, Tom and his girlfriend break up and I'm about to leave. Uh, Leave camp a little bit early to take my first job ever, which is in Scotland. Mm-hmm.

Gabe: Mm-hmm. . And I don't spend a lot of time with Tom while during his like, grieving process. Cause I'm like so excited about this relationship and I'm so nervous about having to leave it. Yeah. Yeah. Um, and so I kind of like let him deal with that on his own. I'm kind of like not there for him. Mm-hmm. as a, as a, as well as I could have been.

Gabe: Mm-hmm. , uh, as, as well as I would've been had I not met Jackie, if that makes sense. Yes. Yes. Had I not had Jackie in my life, I would've [00:25:00] been a better friend to him. Yeah. But instead I kind of, , uh, I get this my first job after summer camp, so I graduate college, work at summer camp for the fall. I get a job in Scotland.

Gabe: I'm teaching. Yeah. And I'm trying to keep this like long distance relationship going and it's very difficult and it's not going well. And we make it somehow to Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving weekend. We break up. I'm really sad about it. And the reason I'm sad about it's because, uh, Tom and Jackie and a couple camp counselors, the plan all along was like, oh, they're gonna come visit me at New Year's so we can make it to New Year's relationship.

Gabe: Mm-hmm. as a team, we'll basically do the summer camp. And how long have you been long distance at this point before the breakup? This is like, we were met each other in June and now it's November.

Sterling: Okay. Oh, okay. So that was, we met each other in June and then you went away to Scotland in, in September-ish.

Sterling: Oh, dang.

Gabe: That's not that long. . I know, I know. Can you I wrote a whole show about it. Okay. Okay. Okay. So they, uh, so we break up, I'm sad about it. I'm like, oh, Jackie, you're still gonna come for New Year's, right? And she's like, no, I'm not gonna come. Yeah. So I'm devastated. Call Tom. Um, I'm like, dude, this, uh, I got broken up with.

Gabe: He's like, yeah, that's stink. Okay, so you got broken up with, I got broken up with, okay. [00:26:00] And then on top of that, and she doesn't want to. For

Sterling: near. Can I ask one other question please? Okay. Did, and you can also say pass, you don't have to answer open book. Uh, did she give you a reason for the breakup? Was it just the long distance?

Gabe: It was the long dis, basically it was the long distance. Like this is not working. Okay. Like I'm in school, I'm an, it

Sterling: just doesn't really make sense. Six hours ahead. And did it feel like there was any door open, like maybe right person wrong time, or is it just like,

Gabe: There was a little bit of that. Okay. It was like, oh, this is just like a circumstance that we can't overcome.

Gabe: Yeah. Even though like we're both like, we like each other. Yeah. Okay. Okay. So we break up. Um, this is a fun little detail that's not necessary, but you'll like it. . The next day I'm in my office at work, a Scottish student comes in and goes, Hey, I'm applying to college in America. Like some help applying to colleges.

Gabe: Yeah. Um, cuz normally we just apply to scholars, colleges. I wanna apply in America and I show Sure. What's your name? And she goes, my name is Sarah Marsh. Oh, so like the romantic

Blair: cowboy? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I guess you couldn't forget her time on fire.

Gabe: There you go. Maybe punch up the show. Honestly, it was not bad.[00:27:00]

Gabe: So I called Tom, I'm like, I just met a kid named Sarah Marshall I got broken up with. And he's like, that's so weird. Like maybe it's, maybe it's a sign. Maybe you should like get over it. Yeah. And I'm like, you're still gonna come for New Year's. Yes. He flies for New Year's with a couple counselors. Uh, we hang out all day until midnight.

Gabe: We go to the middle of town to like watch the ball drop or whatever those people do. Mm-hmm. and. Tom and I, we work kind of best one-on-one. We're not like a, um, we kind of like work best on Oneone cause we like to talk shit about the group. You know, all those types of friends. Mm-hmm. . Mm-hmm , the gym and the camera moment where we're like, oh, like these people.

Gabe: Yeah. Yeah. So he is like, we're not getting that one on one time. Why don't we go to the casino? We go to the casino, we lose a bunch of money, we walk back to my apartment and once we get back to my apartment, he's like, I just need to tell you something. Oh God, I'm scared. Uh, Jackie and I are together and we're not.

Gabe: Oh, okay. Yeah, and so that's how it happens. We have this kind of like heated conversation. We calm down and before he leaves, I [00:28:00] basically am very proud of this. I gave him a hug. Yeah. And then he leaves, oh, I would not have done that . And the next day I became a comedian, . And so this story, like I think about this a lot because it's a, it's a thing I want to inject into the show a little bit more, turn this knob a little bit, which is this part of like, oh, Tom and his girlfriend broke up and I wasn't there for him.

Gabe: Which is not to say that like, that, like my behavior. , um, means I deserve that, that that's what happened. Yeah. But it makes me more culpable than like, I'm just this victim. Yeah. All these people like, were against me and like, I'm the hero and everyone should love me no matter what. Which is like,

Blair: I don't know.

Blair: I kind of like that narrative, personally speaking, ,

Gabe: so those people do. Um, but yeah, because I think, so this is, is kind of at the core of the show and I, I kind of say this on stage a little bit, which is. , is there a way, and I wanted to ask you guys Yeah. Like, is there a way to be in a love triangle and like make that work to like tell the person that it's affected negatively?

Gabe: Like, no, I still care about you. , like what could he have done [00:29:00] to like make this work? Is it, Hey, I, nothing happened. I just want you to know I have feelings for this person. Can I, like, should I date her? I like to think my best day. Mm-hmm. I would've been like, yeah, it hurts, but I want you to be happy. But it's like the behind the back stuff and the not sorry stuff combined being like, I, we can't, the not

Blair: sorry is like, just like someone yelling at my face.

Blair: Yeah. That's the thing I don't like. I think it's also kind of weird to be. , uh, I'm asking permission because they're their own person and like you don't have ownership. Of course, but then at the same time, I understand it. Yeah. Like, would you be comfortable if I pursued something? Maybe, yeah, but damn, I'm not sorry.

Blair: I would've been like,

Sterling: fuck you. Okay. Can I ask some, um, questions about the aftermath? Yeah. Okay. This is, wow. I feel like I'm gonna have so, so much to say on all of this. Okay. So, um, Did they end up together? Are they still together? That's a [00:30:00] great question.

Gabe: Or is this spoils your show? It does not spoil the show.

Gabe: Okay. It was a thing that people kept asking me after the show for, it was a long time I didn't reveal. Yeah. Yeah. And then I had to Yeah, because when everyone asks you afterward, you have to tell them, which is that, uh, they, they were engaged and then they, they broke up because of your show. Wow. Yeah. I don't think I have that kind of power.

Gabe: Um, but yeah, they're not together, from what I understand. You know, I'm not, but

Sterling: they were really cl I mean, I guess they did it for

Gabe: years. They were,

Sterling: they were engaged. Yeah. I mean, I guess that is my question on that is like, obviously if they only lasted a little bit of time, that's like a huge, uh, Sacrifice to be making with a best friend for somebody that like ultimately is not your person.

Sterling: Yeah. But I guess your best friend if you'll, but I guess they did like have a lot of stake that's like, no, this is who I should be with.

Blair: Do you know why they broke up? I

Gabe: don't, n certainly nothing firsthand. Could, could we call 'em real quick? Oh my gosh. . Could you imagine? There are a podcasts like that that people have told me to go on.

Gabe: We're like, yeah, we get you and Tom in the same room. I'm like, it's like, oh, [00:31:00] absolutely

Blair: hell hard

Gabe: pass. Could you imagine the content of, I did this for, I mean, I guess I'm doing it for a solo show, but like the live interaction would be too

Blair: stressful. I, this is just a random question, but when it happened, yeah.

Blair: What song were you listening to on Spotify?

Gabe: Hilarious. Hilarious question. Um, it was a lot of, cause I had heard it that night cuz it was New Year's, so it was a lot of, um, what's the song? The Killers? Um, Mr. Brightside, Mr. Brightside was on a lot. Okay. Uh, it was at like the height of like Sam Smith's breakup album.

Gabe: Oh. So I was on a lot, just like True. Yeah. So I would be in like a coffee, Scottish coffee shop. I'd be like, not now, .

Sterling: Okay. What, what was the timeline of Tom and his girlfriend breaking up? To

Gabe: New Year's. Great question. That's like end towards the end of the summer. So like within the last like two, three weeks of the summer.

Gabe: So that's

Sterling: August to December.

Gabe: Yeah. So that they break up. So like he was newly single. She was, this is

Sterling: such bad behavior in my book. Like, it's [00:32:00] so bad to

Gabe: me. It involves a six hour time delay. It's

Blair: awful. What, for Gabe or for the friend?

Sterling: For the friend. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, Gabe. I, I would've literally lost my mind.

Sterling: Yeah,

Blair: I think

Gabe: I did. I , did I make, make

Blair: that clear? I mean, you saw him walk in here with no pants on. He's still a mess. I. I,

Sterling: here's, here's calm. This is what, this is what my thing is. Okay? Yes. You were not there for your friend as they went through a breakup. I say this, their breakup wasn't that bad. If you are able, it was pretty

Gabe: bad.

Gabe: It was really . Okay. It very

Blair: public if wait. Can you explain like

Gabe: are they celebrities? No, no. Public in the AT camp. Everyone's a celebrity. Oh, okay. And it was like at the bar and then people were

Sterling: drinking? No. Okay. Okay. Here's the thing. I feel like if your breakup is actually terrible, like, like, and I talk terrible.

Sterling: Not in the moment. Terrible. Like long term, you're still working through it. You are not in another relationship four [00:33:00] months later and telling your best.

Blair: Ooh, that's, that's a hot take, right? No, that's, yeah, because

Sterling: I'm like, how bad was his breakup actually? Unless he's

Blair: just so full of love

Sterling: that like, because this, this isn't like, oh, hey, on New Year's, four months post breakup, I'm gonna ask you, I've been thinking about this.

Sterling: No, no. They're already in a relationship, which what? They've been seeing each other like two months at least.

Gabe: So there was. . This all gets explained in the show by tickets now, but like, there's no, um, so basically get tickets now. Get tickets now. Promo code dm me . So like we break up with the Thanksgiving.

Gabe: By New Year's they're together, but like in that timeframe, they say, so they're like, there's no cheating, great than Thanksgiving. So it's like they've been together three weeks, four weeks. I'm not buying the, maybe the day of. Yeah, I mean, .

Blair: Wow. What do you know what they bonded over? Just outta curiosity.

Gabe: Um, I, this is not a thing that I say in the show, but it's a thing I've like written down, which is like, it must have been so hot when they got together.

Gabe: We're like, wow. No, Gabe , .

Blair: I mean, [00:34:00] I've seen that episode of Frazier. Yeah. You know, where they're just fighting the tension and then they just like kiss and the audience goes nuts.

Gabe: Yeah. I was there not to be like such an office person, but like, Roy dates. Oh yeah. Mm-hmm. Pam. I was there. Roy. Everybody's, somebody's Roy

Gabe: That's, I'm not the main character. That's saddest .

Blair: That's, you know what? I think I have a verdict. Okay. What do you mean? But it's unexpected. Oh, I'm gonna say bad behavior. Cuz you didn't believe in yourself. Oh,

Gabe: I definitely

Blair: didn't believe in myself. Yeah. You should have believed in yourself more. You should have not hugged him.

Blair: You should have kicked him in the nuts and said, you, but fucker,

Gabe: that's, it's . That's really funny you say that. I, that's the thing I say in the show. I say a lot of people, I do like 20 minutes of musical theater jokes. Mm-hmm. , I have like a lot Stephen Sondheim. There's a whole section , and at the end I'll give one of the jokes, which is like a lot of people ask him, ask me why I didn't punch him in the face.

Gabe: Yeah. And to those people, I. , did you miss all the musical theater stuff? . . Because that's just like not what I was gonna do. Did you talk

Sterling: again to him after all of this?

Gabe: So this is not in the show. Okay. This is [00:35:00] a DVD extras. Okay. Okay. We ended up working together that next summer, at summer camp, but like not, we're not friends.

Gabe: Yeah. And we would talk like professionally, like, oh, I have a, this camper wants to talk to your camper. Yeah. And. Every once in a while, like joke around a little bit. But like, then he asked me, this is in the show, this became in the show recently. Mm-hmm. , which is like, later he asked me, it's like, Hey, do you wanna hang out?

Gabe: Do you wanna go to a concert? And I said, no. Okay. So that's where I kicked him in the, yeah. What did you call him? A butt fucker. Butt

Blair: fucker. . Just a stupid butt fucker. Yeah,

Sterling: because I, I feel like the only reason I would go bad with behavior is if, like, you weren't like protecting yourself and like putting a really strict boundary.

Sterling: Between you and him? Like the only thing that I was like swaying on was the hug. I guess ultimately that's like, that's almost too kind because I think in the moment being really kind is beautiful, but also don't, no, I think it's like great cuz you can look at back and be like, okay, I was moral high ground.

Sterling: That's what I want on it. But then, but then also [00:36:00] like, I think there's like part of, I don't know, there's part that's like, are you standing up for yourself?

Blair: Yeah.

Sterling: Doesn't, I mean, but I think you ultimately did end up standing up for yourself by being like, I'm not gonna like go to this concert with you,

Blair: go to this concert, be like, Dr.

Blair: I, Dr. Philman. You, Dr. Philman. Yeah. Yeah. You said hi y'all. I can't do a Dr. Phil impression, but you, you

Sterling: get where I was going. Okay. So I'm going. Good behavior, I think. For sure, for sure. I mean, like, this is, this is, these are number one enemies in my book, but that means we have. God means we have an impass player.

Sterling: You basically, if you feel like you should be punished or should be rewarded in this situation, you can choose a side and argue for that position. Wow. And kind of help us, sway us. And you have, should we put a minute on the

Blair: timer? Yeah. Timer begins now.

Gabe: Uh, no one is a, or at least I am not, uh, a victim in this situation.

Gabe: I don't. think that I am, I like to think that when you're in a love triangle, it's an equilateral triangle. Mm-hmm. . So you have an equally strong relationship to the guy than you do to the girl. Mm. Mm-hmm. . Um, and, [00:37:00] uh, I was involved in a situation, I was at times a shitty friend. Um, I was probably a shitty person to date at the time.

Gabe: Mm-hmm. long distance iPhone white. iPhone four, needy text. Oh, that is, we didn't know about the iPhone four . Wow. Yeah. Okay. I don't wanna date myself. , um, . Um, and so I was an equal participant in this, which is not to say that I deserved the bad behavior, like the, the reaction that I got, but I was involved in a situation that went poorly, that I was an equal part of.

Gabe: Okay. And I think if I were to do it again differently, I would have the confidence to know, oh, I'm 22 years old, I'll probably meet somebody else. Yeah. Um, the world is not ending, but I didn't have that, um, five seconds. Uh, I didn't have that perspective. And so, Moment felt like the world's biggest deal.

Gabe: Okay. So your time is up . He, he and I, I, it's all my fault. And I'm so sorry, . No, no.

Blair: You're sweating us to go bad for you. Well, I'm so excited because Do you wanna, well, first of all, guess

Sterling: he's been [00:38:00] deemed bad, bad behavior. Okay. Well, that's hard for me, but I'll, I'll be swayed. I'll be swayed. Okay. So as your punishment, I know you're quaking in your boots.

Sterling: I'm terrified. Your punishment today will be reading aloud. A terrible celebrity apology. And today we've picked out Mario Batali .

Gabe: I love, do I get to talk about the cinnamon rolls at the end? Because he did include a cinnamon roll recipe in the apology. It's,

Sterling: that's beautiful. It's that, and if you wanna even make a recipe for the end, feel

Gabe: free.

Gabe: Great. Before I start? Yeah. While I'm reading this, I am wearing orange crocs. It's very important. , Asmara, Batali. Um, okay. Okay. As many of you know, this week there have been some news coverage about some of my past behavior. Mm. I have made many mistakes and I'm so very sorry that I've disappointed my friends, my family, my fans, and my team

Gabe: My behavior was, And there are no excuses. [00:39:00] I take full responsibility. Sharing the joys of Italian food, tradition and hospitality with all of you each week is an honor and a privilege. Without the support of all of you, my fans, I would never have a forum in which to expound on this. I will work every day to regain your respect and.

Gabe: In case you're searching for the holiday inspired breakfast, these pizza dough, cinnamon rolls are a fan favorite .

Blair: Wow. Yeah. Yeah. Hilarious. Wow. I'm well,

Sterling: how do you feel? Yeah. Do you feel like your guilt has been lifted after reading

Gabe: that apology? It's, I do. I feel, no, actually, I don't. I feel like I just, I, I, I just, I feel like I just ate an entire roll of pizza dough, cinnamon rolls, and want to die.

Gabe: This, this , this, this apology is the equivalent of eating an entire tray of that food. Yeah. Where you're just like, it's a huge mistake. I, God, who, who had, who was advising him on this, that's cinnamon

Blair: on a

Sterling: pizza roll. I, [00:40:00] I dunno. An end a

Gabe: pizza as an Italian American, it's really insulting that he would include sharing , what does it say?

Gabe: Sharing Italian. Food with you each week and then ending with pizza dough. Cinnamon rolls are a fan favorite. .

Blair: Well, thank you so much for coming on the show. Thank you so much. This was delightful. Tell people where they can follow you and how to

Gabe: get tickets for your show. Yes, at Gabe Molik on Instagram is the easiest.

Gabe: Um, in there. There's links to all my shows, New York, la hopefully more. Uh, if you DM me, I'll send you a promo code that saves you a bunch of cash. Uh, that's the easiest. Wow, that's

Blair: really considerate. Yeah. Oh yeah. I'd be like, no pay, pay full price.

Gabe: Fuckers . Um, yeah. So please, please follow me and, uh, keep supporting these two.

Gabe: This is a great show.

Blair: Thank you. Thank you. It's hilarious.

Sterling: Stop . Well, thank you so much again for coming on today. My pleasure. And that's our show. Thanks so much for listening today. We

Blair: absolutely hate to do

Sterling: [00:41:00] this. We hate it, but it would mean the world to us. If you can subscribe to the podcast wherever you get podcasts, rate and review.

Blair: Follow us at Bad Behavior NYC on Instagram and TikTok. Thanks again for

Sterling: listening. And remember, whatever your moral status, we are always here to judge. Bye bye.

Sterling: Do you think that was good?