S5E4 Farish
Intro - Welcome to Stoma and Continence Conversations from Coloplast Professional. I'm Hannah, Ostomy Care Associate Education Manager at Coloplast. Working in specialist care, I know that stoma, bowel and bladder issues impact the lives of those you care for. This podcast is here to support your educational needs and help you in supporting your patients. You'll hear from fellow healthcare professionals and experts by experience, discuss the latest hot topics in the world of stoma, continence care and specialist practice.
Hannah: Hello everyone and welcome to this podcast. I am really lucky to once again be joined by one of our wonderful ambassadors, in fact, one of our brand new ambassadors. So Farish, I'd like to say hello and welcome to Coloplast and welcome to being one of our ambassadors. How are you?
Farish: I'm amazing. Thank you, Hannah, for having me and choosing me for this podcast.
Hannah: Oh no, thanks is all ours. It, really is great to have you on here and as I say your brand shiny new, so we know very little about you. So this is gonna be a really, really nice conversation, I think because, well, we dunno where it's gonna head at the moment! I always like to start off with a bit of an introduction, well as much for myself as for everybody else. So it's… what's your name, where'd you come from, and a little bit about your stoma history and why you've ended up with a stoma?
Farish: So my name's Farish. I'm 38 years old, so I think I'm quite young still. I live in Hertfordshire with my wife and two little kids, three year old and a five-year-old. So they keep me very, very, very, very busy and active trying to run after them!
Hannah: I can imagine!
Farish: And all the dolls and things like that. So yes, and we really love to travel. So one of my, our hobbies is traveling. We try and do, our record last year was five holidays, so we're trying to beat it and we're just always really, really busy. Obviously with two kids got parties, you got activities every weekend and things like that. So very busy life in sunny Hertfordshire. And a bit about my stoma history really. So I had ulcerative colitis for around, 10 odd years now and all of a sudden had just started, was a bit concerned, went to the doctors, they did lots of tests, and then we eventually found out it was ulcerative colitis and I was at that point where I was concerned about it. Cause obviously having blood in your stool, it is a scary thing, so that's why we did get it checked out, and we started medication. I was one of these persons who really, really hadn't been to the doctors previously, any medical history. Really didn't like taking medicines, I was really bad at taking medicine, even if I had a headache or something, I'd never take anything. However, we got into the cycle, kept seeing my consultant. And then we had lots of medication, different medications we had that were really, really helpful. We started at the lower end and went on to different medications and then eventually we got to the point where we were, nothing was really working for me at all. And we're at that stage where we were just about to have kids and I really needed to get better. I was going toilet 15 times a day. For my work, I was traveling quite a bit, especially into London, or I was traveling abroad, so it was quite hard to really plan your day. I knew in the morning I wasn't so good, so I'd leave after like 10 o'clock, I'd quickly get to the station in Euston and I’d be wary where the toilets were, and it was just really, really stressful. And obviously stress, you know, when, if you're stressed, you are more likely to feel you need to go to a toilet at that point, and that's how I felt. So it wasn't really good times for me. So we came to this conclusion just before we had my oldest, who is now nearly six, that the only option, speaking to the consultant was to have a stoma bag. So we made that decision. Me and my wife, we were then, six years ago, we, I went into hospital and I had amazing care. My consultant's amazing, and we went for the stoma bag. So for the last six years, I've had a stoma bag. To be fair, I've had ups and downs with it. However, I think I'm better on this side of it, of having it than I was before, and that's how I feel. Yeah, I have had a few surgeries after that since that, but I still feel this is the only option I can have and I can have a better life with having a stoma bag and that's where we are today really.
Hannah: Nice to hear a real honest side of things there as well, saying that, yeah, there have been ups and downs, I think sometimes we focus a lot on the positive side of things and sometimes we almost focus on the negative side of things a bit too much. It so actually to hear the balance of things is really, really nice. And you mentioned to me as well that you've already just come out of hospital recently as well, haven't you?
Farish: Yeah. So I am four weeks outta surgery. The reason I went in for surgery was, I had a really big hernia behind my stoma bag, and it was quite critical really, cuz if it went to that point where I had a complete blockage, then I would have to go in as an emergency. So when I spoke to my consultant, who I've always had, he suggested that we need to get you in as fast as we can and we can get rid of the hernia. So I had 20 stitches down my stomach, staples, which didn't look very nice, but they did really well. And what he also suggested is in the next year or two, because it would nearly be near enough 10 years, I needed to get rid of my rectum as well cuz that can get cancerous. So we were doing checks on that every year. However, he said, what we'll do is while we open you up, instead of taking it out in the next couple of years, we'll do it at the same time. So then I have my bag for life really. So we did the operation surgery four weeks ago. They got rid of my rectum, they got rid of the hernia. He said once he opens it up, he'll know exactly the extent of it. And one of the options was to maybe move the ileum onto the other side of my stomach. However, I was lucky enough when they opened it up, they got rid of the hernia and they left it on that side. And yeah, so recovery's going well, I'm at home relaxing and the wife's looking after me amazingly, the kids don't let me touch or lift anything, so it's really good. So I think I'll be a lot, lot more better and hopefully fully recovered in three to four weeks. I was in hospital for nine days, the stoma wasn't working straight away and it took a good five, six days to start working. The consultant was amazing. In nine days I was in hospital, I lost nine kg cuz I wasn't on much food at all, which I'm happy about, I lost some weight. I needed to lose some weight, but I’ve put on a couple of kg. But no, it went well overall and hopefully recovering. So touch-wood, I don't need to have any more surgeries. I think one of the reasons, the hernia, and I'll be honest, I've always been told, and my wife keeps pushing me, is that I need to do a lot more exercise and I really haven't. I'm not one of these people to do exercise. I'm not even one of these people to do any walks or anything like that. And my core, since I had my stoma bag six years ago, my core around my stomach and my stoma has been really weak. And I know people, I know a lot of the ambassadors, I know a lot of the people who I follow on social, they're doing weightlifting, they're doing marathons, they're doing playing football, and I really haven't really done much exercise, done much core, and I think now I. I'm gonna make a conscious effort once I do recover to try and get my core a lot better. Even the consultant said, just try, walking is honestly the best thing. If you just do walking, you don't need to do weights or anything like that, but even if you do some walking, your core will start building up, and then eventually I just need to really get my core better, and that'll prevent me getting a hernia in the, in the future. It can still happen, however, it's less likely. So I really do need to yeah, listen to my consultant and my wife a lot better.
Hannah: I love that! Listening to the wife, it's always good advice! Always good advice!
Farish: I know it's hard to say that, but yeah, I, I think I need to,
Hannah: But also a really good message out about prevention over cure, and that's something we talk a lot about within stoma care. So trying to help prevent hernias and also we talk about prevention of leakage. And now when you had your hernia, did you have any issues with leakage or anything like that because of the hernia or were you able to change products?
Farish: I was really, really looked after and I had a different, cuz my hernia was quite out, so I had the convex one. So it was like, it was really good fit. The bag itself was to be fair, I had very, very little leakage…
Hannah: That's fantastic!
Farish: I see a lot of people get a lot of leakage and I'm really good like that. Okay. I'll be honest, I'm quite hairy, so I do shave every maybe once every couple of weeks. I really don't like shaving it cuz then it gets itchy. But I'm quite used to it now, so I always take my bag stuff everywhere with me. And I know a lot of people do get leakages cuz it's just the nature of it. But I'll be honest, the bags have been amazing for me, so I've been really, really lucky like that. .
Hannah: But that just shows again that using the right product. it is unfortunate, people do seem to think that leakage is part and parcel of having a stoma, but it, it's not! And it does just show for yourself, that you've had, what we would call sort of an irregular abdomen because of the hernia, but actually with the correct products. You're still not getting any leakage or anything like that, you're still being able to lead that side of your life without worrying about leakage. So I think that's a really important thing that we need to think about as well is, actually, there are other products out there. And this might be, again, something people don't necessarily realise that, you know, your bodies do change over time, whether it be you've developed a hernia, whether it be you've lost weight, and you said you've just dropped being in hospital nine kg over nine days, which is a massive amount of weight loss and that’s you know, for a body profile that can change what your body looks like massively and how a stoma bag fits. So it's accepted that you might need to change products and it sounds like your stoma nurses who you're under were really good at getting you that correct product as your body changed with the hernia.
Farish: To be fair, actually maybe I was lying. I did get leakages, but that's because I was on the wrong bag. I had the flat one, rather than having the kind of convex one. So once I did start, I thought I was just putting on weight at that point, and this was quite a while ago. So I was on the flat bag, and that's when we, when I seen my stoma nurse and we changed it to the convex once she showed me it. And, and that was perfect. And so I did lie, actually, I did used to get leakages and then I was confused why I was getting leakages. But obviously once I spoke to the stoma nurse, we changed it to the convex one. And then after that I never got any, any kind of leakages and now I'm back on the flat ones.
Hannah: That was gonna be my next question, have you gone back to the flat now you've had your surgery done!
Farish: Indeed! So I'm back to the flat ones, and yeah no problems with it. I'm still working out what kind of size I need cause obviously I've got a different kind of size. So when I do my next order, I can tell them the size of my bags and they'll be happy enough to cut it.
Hannah: That's great. I know you spoke as well about that you like to travel. I presume you've already got some dates in the diary for this year if said that you're trying to break last year's record? Have you got some dates in the diary already?
Farish: Yes, hundred percent. So we are already booked for, my 10th anniversary this year. So in June will be our first holiday without the kids!
Hannah: Ooh!
Farish: The wife is really, really worried. Cause we've never left the kids. I'm fine, cuz obviously I travel by myself. But in June we're going, I surprised her on Christmas Day that we're going to New York.
Hannah: How exciting!
Farish: For five days. So we can do lots of shopping! So for the summer holidays, we're looking for something maybe Turkey or Egypt. And travelling's easy, really. I always get the question. So I'm one of these people I am open about my stoma bag. I'm really happy to help people, to educate people. And if I can help one person, that's what I just really wanna do. I'm not ashamed of it. I'll show it, I'm really not… yeah, you do, you do get some funny looks, especially when you go on holiday. You’re near the swimming pool. And to be fair, What I do is because I go on a lot of holidays, I don't mind showing my bag out, but I do, I still cover up, so when I go into the swimming pool, I have a top on just cuz I don't want to make my family maybe uncomfortable if people are looking and things like that. Cause you do get, cuz. It's still, even though you see the stats of how many people have a stoma bag and things like that, you still, when you go on holiday and you show your bag, people do definitely do look, and I really don't mind, to be fair. But I just don't, I feel that I don't want to show it because. And the family, cuz then they'll be like, oh, why they keep looking? Why they whispering? And things like that. However, sometimes I do show it. Sometimes you do see a bulge sometimes, especially when I have my hernia. You do see a bulge and things like that, but to be fair, you don't have any problems on the plane. When I go through the scanner, at security, generally I get asked, because it comes up on the scan, what is it? And I tell them what it is. I think I've only had one instant where the person did not know what a stoma bag was…
Hannah: Gosh!
Farish: To be fair, that did upset me and I did make a complaint to them, to the manager, just after saying this person wasn't aware of it and he needs to be educated on it, cuz it did put me in that kind of situation. Where he took me round, he took me into another room. He wasn't aware about what a stoma bag was, and he had to ask other people, and it took me away for like 15 minutes and I wasn't, I felt a bit kind of, I felt a bit upset to be fair. That was the only time
Hannah: Oh, understandable!
Farish: Yeah, and I've travelled a lot. Like last year I must have went on five holidays and at least six, seven business trips. So, but other than that, I've not really had any problems traveling except that once. Yeah, they swab it for drugs and things like that, which is fine, which is normal. But no, I've had really no problems with it and I go swimming all the time and it never leaks in the water. Everyone always asks, does it ever leak? Nope. You have a shower, you go in water, you go in sea water and never any problems with a stoma really.
Hannah: Yeah. I know you said about when you've been around the pool that it sounds like you are actually quite confident with your body image. It's more like, say, for your family's benefit, and how do you cope in general with the body image side of things? Is it something that you naturally went into or is it something that you progressed towards more being that comfortable? At
Farish: At first, I'll be honest, I was very conscious of it cuz you feel that people will be able to see it over your clothes and things like that. And also the smell as well. I always, at first I thought I could smell something for the first, I would say six months to 12 months, there was a smell that only I could smell. I used to ask my wife, can you smell anything? She was like, no, no! I jus used to put lots of Hugo Boss and perfume and aftershave and it was just within me cuz it was my body changing maybe, and I felt I could smell. So at first I was conscious and it does take a while. I really do, and I understand. If people go through that for the rest of their life on it, because it is life changing, it really is a life changing thing and it can, it can get to you mentally as well because it is there cuz your body is completely changed. However, now, I see it. I feel, especially when I had my hernia for quite a while and I put on weight, I felt you could see it, especially when you're wearing a suit or a shirt, you're going functions or a wedding. And to be fair, all my family know anyway, so I wasn't really too fussed. And I'm one of these persons who just like… and if they're saying, oh, you've put on weight, I will literally just open my shirt and say, oh, it's cuz of my stoma! And they feel a bit guilty. They're like, oh, ok. I'm sorry! Ok, no worry!
Hannah: Bit of stoma guilt there!
Farish: Exactly! Yeah, so they felt a bit guilty, but I really don't mind. All I want to do is really just educate people about it. And what I really do like is, because I'll be honest, I'm from the South Asian culture, British Indian, and there is a huge taboo about this subject in my society,
Hannah: The good old poo taboo, as I always call it!
Farish: Yeah. People just don't like talking about poo! Anything to do with poo! I would say that, especially the older generation, my parents' generation, but I think it's everywhere really, my age as well. And I feel, if I can help people within the South Asian culture to go and see a doctor, open up about it, watch the diet look out for the signs for it, because it can be life changing and that's what I love to do. So any instance on social media that I can help people. I put it on my LinkedIn, I put it on my Facebook. There's a lot of Indian groups on social media where I'll put about my story. I'll say what I've been through over the last 10 years, I'll put it up on there. And literally I'll say to people, please do reach out and ask me any questions, please don't hesitate. And literally I'll get so many messages saying, oh, my parents, my dad's going through this and this is the situation. What should I do? Obviously I don't give clinical advice, but I can give advice on what I've been through, about some of the things that triggered me into getting colitis and some of the diet I went through and really just educating people and saying, go to the doctor. So, I'll be honest, I've been quite successful. Every time I put a post, I'll get lots and lots of messages saying, really, really thank you and stuff like that, cuz they really do not want to talk about it.
Hannah: Absolutely!
Farish: And I think it's really, really, really important and I just really hope more people talk, cause your gut health is so important cuz it can ruin your life, it really can, not just yours, your family's life. And that's what I see, it just changes your life. So yeah, that's what I try and do in my spare time as well.
Hannah: I mean, that's fantastic. That really, really is. I mean, so I know we've already spoken before, Farish, before we came and spoke on this podcast, and I told you that I'm from the Birmingham area, and I came across a lot of different cultures and diversities, and it's so important what you are saying that. It does seem to be that taboo amongst certain cultures. I mean there's a poo taboo, whoever you are, but it is definitely within certain cultures there is more so of that taboo, and I think that's so fantastic what you are doing. Trying to smash that taboo, break that taboo and get people talking, getting people to have that confidence. I know you said, oh well I'm not able to give clinical advice, but actually I think the advice you are giving and the support you are giving is even more important than that. Cuz nurses ourselves, we can bash on about how you need to do this, you need to do that, but actually that's not gonna help people so much with that emotional side of things from their cultural aspect. So that's absolutely fantastic that you’re able to do that. And if there's anything we, you know, if there are any links or anything we can share within the podcast description, we'd love to do that as well so that people can have links to follow to where you can go as well.
Farish: Yeah, definitely. No, I think it's a hundred percent important. Like I said, it's not just about the older generation, it's about whole society really. And I think it's important. So anytime I can go to Temples or I can try and give a small speech at a Temple, I'll do it cuz they're there, the older generation there, the kids are there. It really does work because they see a familiar face and sometimes cuz they don't like going to the doctors, they think, ah, I'm never gonna get an appointment nor it's just blood in my stool, it'll go and I'll just drink lots of water or whatever. They just think that it'll just go away. But it's not, it sometimes it really doesn't go away. Yeah, really it's just making them aware that please just go see a doctor, go see anyone clinical, and they'll be able to help you cuz it's really, really important. It's changed my life. Yes, okay, it's not a good thing that I've got a stoma bag, but it gets me life with my kids. I can carry on with most normal things in life. So it's definitely changed my life for the best. Yeah, and if I can help anyone where I can, speak openly, speak privately, whether they wanna WhatsApp or they want to Instagram me or whatever on LinkedIn. And I do this at work as well, so I share my story with people at work as well, in the professional atmosphere as well. And I think that's really important because people, not just from the South Asian culture, but if they're just, if they're higher for their CEOs or they're really got high positions in organisations, but some of them, sometimes they feel that they don't need to go to a doctor either. So yeah, I do share my story on LinkedIn as well, and I think it's really important. So if I can help change one person's life, then something good has come outta my stoma bag.
Hannah: I feel like I could just carry on speaking to you for ages Farish. So what I've gotta ask you is, will you please come back and join me again for another chat at some point?
Farish: A hundred percent! I really, I just love talking about bags and ileostomy. It's a strange topic, but I just really love talking about it. So anytime I can talk about it and help anybody and just, yeah, I'll be more than happy to come back every week!
Hannah: Oh, thank you so much. You'll be regretting saying that, trust me! Thank you ever so much Farish, it's been an absolute pleasure and we'll speak to you soon. And thank you everyone for listening and we’ll see you next time.
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