1 00:00:00,149 --> 00:00:06,190 Seneca says “We shouldn’t control anger, but destroy it entirely - for what control 2 00:00:06,190 --> 00:00:09,299 is there for a thing that’s fundamentally wicked?” 3 00:00:09,299 --> 00:00:14,820 Lucius Annaeus Seneca was a prominent Roman philosopher and playwright who published several 4 00:00:14,820 --> 00:00:20,330 essential works about Stoicism. He counselled Emperor Nero, and thought that anger is a 5 00:00:20,330 --> 00:00:25,900 temporary madness, and that even when justified, we should never act on the basis of it because 6 00:00:25,900 --> 00:00:31,499 it affects our sanity. Seneca wrote a book specifically on anger called “De Ira” 7 00:00:31,499 --> 00:00:36,510 which defines and explains anger within the context of Stoic philosophy, and offers advice 8 00:00:36,510 --> 00:00:40,790 on how to prevent and control anger and that’s why in this video we are going to look at 9 00:00:40,790 --> 00:00:47,560 10 ways we can control our anger from the teachings of Seneca. 10 00:00:47,560 --> 00:00:53,320 Recognize that anger is destructive Seneca says “We shall prevent ourselves 11 00:00:53,320 --> 00:00:58,680 from becoming angry if we repeatedly place before our eyes all anger’s faults and form 12 00:00:58,680 --> 00:01:03,600 a proper judgement of it”. The first step to dealing with anger is recognizing 13 00:01:03,600 --> 00:01:08,720 how problematic this emotion is. We believe Aristotle’s way of thinking that anger is 14 00:01:08,720 --> 00:01:14,300 not always bad. If one is angry at the right time and in the right context then anger can 15 00:01:14,300 --> 00:01:20,240 sometimes be justified. Aristotelians claimed that virtue lies in navigating the middle 16 00:01:20,240 --> 00:01:25,670 course between extremes. Concerning anger, they thought that the virtuous compromise 17 00:01:25,670 --> 00:01:31,280 is good temper, which lies between the unvirtuous poles of irascibility that is too much anger 18 00:01:31,280 --> 00:01:35,950 and lack of spirit that is too little anger. However, according to the Stoics there is 19 00:01:35,950 --> 00:01:40,120 no such thing as a good degree of anger, but it doesn’t mean that one has to be passive 20 00:01:40,120 --> 00:01:45,530 in the face of injustice. Human nature, for the Stoics, is that of a social animal capable 21 00:01:45,530 --> 00:01:51,281 of reason. It follows that to “live according to nature” means to apply one’s reason 22 00:01:51,281 --> 00:01:58,229 to social living. Anger is unreasonable, and it damages society, hence it is “unnatural” 23 00:01:58,229 --> 00:02:04,080 in the Stoic sense. Seneca thought that anger was a vice with few, if any, exceptions. The 24 00:02:04,080 --> 00:02:09,859 three main reasons Seneca lists are - Anger makes you a slave: 25 00:02:09,859 --> 00:02:14,330 When we are angry, we are a slave to that anger. We are more likely to make mistakes 26 00:02:14,330 --> 00:02:19,859 that we will end up regretting later. Anger blinds us to the future and the consequences 27 00:02:19,859 --> 00:02:24,680 of our actions in the moment, effectively overriding our rational or higher selves and 28 00:02:24,680 --> 00:02:30,650 making ourselves slaves to our subconscious. Anger makes us act in a way that feels gratifying 29 00:02:30,650 --> 00:02:36,799 in the short term, but takes us away from our long-term ideals. 30 00:02:36,799 --> 00:02:42,549 Anger cannot be slowed down According to Seneca, anger is a binary emotion. 31 00:02:42,549 --> 00:02:47,980 The emotion of anger has a forward momentum that is far more extreme than other emotions. 32 00:02:47,980 --> 00:02:52,180 The moment you realize you are angry, you are already under its control. When you are 33 00:02:52,180 --> 00:02:56,549 in the middle of acting out anger, you don’t pay attention to any other course of action, 34 00:02:56,549 --> 00:03:01,400 and move headlong into a path of destruction and chaos. You don’t want to be calm when 35 00:03:01,400 --> 00:03:06,629 you are angry; anger justifies its own existence and 36 00:03:06,629 --> 00:03:11,529 Anger is contagious Seneca says that anger influences a mob like 37 00:03:11,529 --> 00:03:16,819 behavior. Anger is very known for its ability to spread through a social group more than 38 00:03:16,819 --> 00:03:21,790 any other passion and when enough anger is present, the individuals become one larger 39 00:03:21,790 --> 00:03:27,019 angry organism and seem to work perfectly together with the unified vision of havoc. 40 00:03:27,019 --> 00:03:33,519 Now that we know how destructive anger is, we need to lessen our attachment to this emotion. 41 00:03:33,519 --> 00:03:39,129 Pushing away from anger or disliking it is just a start but we also need some end goal 42 00:03:39,129 --> 00:03:45,540 to move toward. That goal, according to Stoic philosophy of life is the attainment of tranquility 43 00:03:45,540 --> 00:03:49,700 which is a state of peace and quiet. 44 00:03:49,700 --> 00:03:55,870 2. Recognize your anger triggers and learn to control them 45 00:03:55,870 --> 00:04:00,920 In the words of Seneca “And so the best course is to treat the sickness as soon as 46 00:04:00,920 --> 00:04:05,939 it becomes apparent, at that time as well giving oneself the least freedom of speech 47 00:04:05,939 --> 00:04:11,010 and curbing emotion”. Seneca advises us to be mindful about our 48 00:04:11,010 --> 00:04:17,069 anger triggers that is to be aware of the events and situations that make you angry, 49 00:04:17,069 --> 00:04:20,510 this is important because you’ll respond more effectively to your anger when you feel 50 00:04:20,510 --> 00:04:25,520 prepared for it. If we practice mindfulness, we will not only be able to detect the macro 51 00:04:25,520 --> 00:04:29,990 patterns that trigger our anger, but also to see the specific thoughts that arise and 52 00:04:29,990 --> 00:04:34,770 lead to the emotion of anger. The benefit of this is that we will be able to catch and 53 00:04:34,770 --> 00:04:40,120 neutralize them far earlier. Here are some common anger triggers. 54 00:04:40,120 --> 00:04:44,390 Being treated unfairly for example someone cutting in front of you in a queue or your 55 00:04:44,390 --> 00:04:48,199 boss gives you an inaccurate evaluation at work. 56 00:04:48,199 --> 00:04:52,330 Responding to time pressure and frustrations Like leaving a bit late for work and running 57 00:04:52,330 --> 00:04:56,400 into traffic or someone texting you while you are working. 58 00:04:56,400 --> 00:05:00,210 Experiencing dishonesty or disappointment such as your partner cheating on you your 59 00:05:00,210 --> 00:05:03,580 boss fails to give you the raise you were promised. 60 00:05:03,580 --> 00:05:07,860 Encountering threats to self-esteem like receiving a bad grade or getting rejected. 61 00:05:07,860 --> 00:05:13,870 Running into prejudice and discrimination for example racial or ethnic differences or 62 00:05:13,870 --> 00:05:18,800 a disability. Getting attacked such as being mugged or domestic 63 00:05:18,800 --> 00:05:25,240 violence or even just random accidents. Anticipating the possibility of anger increases 64 00:05:25,240 --> 00:05:29,860 your ability to express it more constructively. Hence the more mindful we become about our 65 00:05:29,860 --> 00:05:36,000 anger, the more we will be able to slow it down in the earliest stages of its onset. 66 00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:41,939 3. Just wait According to Seneca “The greatest cure for 67 00:05:41,939 --> 00:05:47,419 anger is to wait, so that the initial passion it engenders may die down, and the fog that 68 00:05:47,419 --> 00:05:52,099 shrouds the mind may subside, or become less thick.” 69 00:05:52,099 --> 00:05:58,189 Anger is a poor guide to happiness. Anger interferes with problem-solving and good judgment, 70 00:05:58,189 --> 00:06:03,419 and makes you rash and rigid in your thinking. While fear drives us to flee, anger drives 71 00:06:03,419 --> 00:06:09,610 us to confrontation. Anger motivates revenge and retaliation. This is why even the most 72 00:06:09,610 --> 00:06:15,460 respected intellects can be reduced to repetitious expletives when enraged. Hence, whenever you 73 00:06:15,460 --> 00:06:20,259 feel you are about to get angry, remove yourself from the situation that is provoking you, 74 00:06:20,259 --> 00:06:25,750 or withhold all actions until you feel yourself in a completely tranquil state of mind. Sit 75 00:06:25,750 --> 00:06:31,800 on the angry email for a day or two before sending it; walk away from a fight where possible; 76 00:06:31,800 --> 00:06:37,860 and seek advice from a calm, ideally neutral, third party before taking any hostile action. 77 00:06:37,860 --> 00:06:42,000 If you still wish to carry out the angry actions when you’re calmer, then by all means go 78 00:06:42,000 --> 00:06:47,490 ahead. They may coincide with self-interest. But, chances are you won’t want to. In the 79 00:06:47,490 --> 00:06:52,740 heat of anger you’re likely to make decisions you’ll regret.Try reading, meditating, or 80 00:06:52,740 --> 00:06:58,030 some other activity you find relaxing. Go for a walk, a bike ride, or do some stretching. 81 00:06:58,030 --> 00:07:03,280 This can relieve the tension in your muscles and help you relax. According to the American 82 00:07:03,280 --> 00:07:08,960 Psychological Association, deep breathing is one of the fastest ways to reduce the intensity 83 00:07:08,960 --> 00:07:14,539 of your anger. Even something as simple as waiting or counting to ten or repeating a 84 00:07:14,539 --> 00:07:20,480 word or phrase that is calming to you such as "relax," or "let it go," or "take it easy" 85 00:07:20,480 --> 00:07:26,539 all of these can help soothe angry feelings. Anger is an emotion and emotions do not last 86 00:07:26,539 --> 00:07:32,349 forever. All of us will get angry from time to time. But using these strategies will help 87 00:07:32,349 --> 00:07:36,099 you to control your anger, and express your feelings in a way that’s more beneficial 88 00:07:36,099 --> 00:07:39,379 - to you, and to others. 89 00:07:39,379 --> 00:07:46,229 4. Use art and music to calm the mind As we learn from Seneca “Hot-tempered people 90 00:07:46,229 --> 00:07:50,999 should avoid studies that are demanding, or at least engage in ones not liable to end 91 00:07:50,999 --> 00:07:56,279 in exhaustion; the mind should not occupy itself with hard tasks, but should be given 92 00:07:56,279 --> 00:08:02,069 over to pleasurable arts: let it be calmed by reading poetry and charmed by the tales 93 00:08:02,069 --> 00:08:08,060 of history; let it be treated with a measure of gentleness and refinement.” 94 00:08:08,060 --> 00:08:12,540 If you are prone to frustration and anger, Seneca believes finding art or music that 95 00:08:12,540 --> 00:08:17,870 soothes you will prove beneficial in your pursuit of a tranquil mind. In modern times 96 00:08:17,870 --> 00:08:23,449 we call this form of anger management - expressive theory. Expressive therapy encourages people 97 00:08:23,449 --> 00:08:29,099 to yell, scream and pound pillows to get out their built up anger. The pillows represent 98 00:08:29,099 --> 00:08:34,440 the people from their past and their unresolved anger issues. The term expressive therapy 99 00:08:34,440 --> 00:08:40,070 also refers to using creative arts as a method of managing anger. This type of therapy is 100 00:08:40,070 --> 00:08:44,420 also known as creative arts therapy and expressive arts therapy. 101 00:08:44,420 --> 00:08:49,100 Proponents of using expressive therapy as a method of anger management believe that 102 00:08:49,100 --> 00:08:54,060 the body will heal through a combination of creative expression and the use of imagination. 103 00:08:54,060 --> 00:09:00,120 During an anger management counseling session or class, therapists help identify the anger 104 00:09:00,120 --> 00:09:05,010 triggers and unresolved anger issues. Although there are many types of expressive 105 00:09:05,010 --> 00:09:08,410 therapy for anger management, the most common ones are - 106 00:09:08,410 --> 00:09:11,190 Music therapy Art therapy 107 00:09:11,190 --> 00:09:13,940 Dance therapy Drama therapy and 108 00:09:13,940 --> 00:09:18,461 Writing therapy Nearly any type of art can be calming. Music 109 00:09:18,461 --> 00:09:23,530 is a universally loved art-form that has the capability of causing an emotional and physical 110 00:09:23,530 --> 00:09:30,010 reaction in the listener. It can make you feel more energetic, happy, or sad. When music 111 00:09:30,010 --> 00:09:35,960 is used as a form of expressive therapy in managing anger, its used as a mood stabilizer. 112 00:09:35,960 --> 00:09:39,740 When you feel angry, turn on the radio or listen to tracks on your phone and it will 113 00:09:39,740 --> 00:09:46,590 help you relax. 5. See yourself as an offender 114 00:09:46,590 --> 00:09:52,470 Seneca says “Let us put ourselves in the position of the man who is making us angry: 115 00:09:52,470 --> 00:09:57,440 in point of fact it is an unjustified estimate of our own worth that causes our anger, and 116 00:09:57,440 --> 00:10:02,400 an unwillingness to put up with treatment we would happily inflict on others”. 117 00:10:02,400 --> 00:10:06,711 Trying to see yourself in others is a great exercise for how to deal with anger. When 118 00:10:06,711 --> 00:10:11,820 we get angry, we are typically outraged at the actions of others. But in all likelihood, 119 00:10:11,820 --> 00:10:16,150 we have acted just like them at some point in our lives. Ask yourself - 120 00:10:16,150 --> 00:10:19,910 How many times have I acted badly? Have I ever acted violently? 121 00:10:19,910 --> 00:10:23,570 Have I ever said mean things to someone I later regretted? 122 00:10:23,570 --> 00:10:25,870 Have I ever manipulated someone? 123 00:10:25,870 --> 00:10:32,390 As humans, we all share more similarities than differences. We have all acted in regrettable 124 00:10:32,390 --> 00:10:37,380 ways, and then realize later that our free will is not so free, but is in truth owned 125 00:10:37,380 --> 00:10:44,460 to a large degree by our passions. 6. Heal rather than punish 126 00:10:44,460 --> 00:10:50,460 Seneca asks us “How much better it is to heal a wrong than to avenge one! Vengeance 127 00:10:50,460 --> 00:10:55,540 takes considerable time, and it exposes a man to many injuries while only one causes 128 00:10:55,540 --> 00:11:01,420 him resentment; we always feel anger longer than we feel hurt”. 129 00:11:01,420 --> 00:11:06,290 When someone directs their anger toward us, it’s very common to want to take revenge, 130 00:11:06,290 --> 00:11:12,240 to punish people for their wrongdoing. This is the idea behind having a prison system. 131 00:11:12,240 --> 00:11:16,330 When someone breaks the law, we deal with that law breaking by punishing them in the 132 00:11:16,330 --> 00:11:22,430 hopes that they will reform and stop acting in harmful ways. Unfortunately often happens 133 00:11:22,430 --> 00:11:27,760 is people come out of prison as worse offenders than when they went in. The point of having 134 00:11:27,760 --> 00:11:33,540 prisons is to punish people who have committed offenses, that is, it’s about revenge. But 135 00:11:33,540 --> 00:11:38,210 the most advanced prison systems in the world - usually to be found in Scandinavian countries 136 00:11:38,210 --> 00:11:43,410 - are based on the entirely different axiom that the point of prison is to reform the 137 00:11:43,410 --> 00:11:49,170 criminal, to improve him morally, and to eventually allow him to rejoin the broader society from 138 00:11:49,170 --> 00:11:55,150 which he is currently excluded and in doing so, prevent a recurring offense. This is perfectly 139 00:11:55,150 --> 00:11:59,560 in accordance to Seneca’s belief that being angry at someone only adds further damage 140 00:11:59,560 --> 00:12:04,900 to the situation, while “discretion” allows healing and at the same time recognizes that 141 00:12:04,900 --> 00:12:10,470 there has been an injustice. This is a very constructive attitude when carried over to 142 00:12:10,470 --> 00:12:15,110 interpersonal situations involving anger as it puts the “victim” in a more powerful 143 00:12:15,110 --> 00:12:20,430 position, as healer rather than punisher. The act of revenge carries with it connotations 144 00:12:20,430 --> 00:12:26,000 of anger. If anger is as bad, then the goal should be to rid anger both in ourselves and 145 00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:32,130 others. 7. Choose your friends wisely 146 00:12:32,130 --> 00:12:37,870 Seneca says “Choose men who are honest, easygoing, and have self-control, the sort 147 00:12:37,870 --> 00:12:42,370 who will not arouse your anger and yet will tolerate it”. 148 00:12:42,370 --> 00:12:47,260 According to research by social psychologist, Dr. David McClelland of Harvard, the people 149 00:12:47,260 --> 00:12:52,640 you habitually associate with determines as much as 95 percent of your success or failure 150 00:12:52,640 --> 00:12:59,710 in life, but Seneca realized this truth thousands of years ago. Anger spreads faster than fire. 151 00:12:59,710 --> 00:13:03,850 Hence, if you know you are prone to anger, then you should not surround yourself with 152 00:13:03,850 --> 00:13:08,500 friends who trigger that anger or provoke you. The provoker is someone that provokes 153 00:13:08,500 --> 00:13:13,410 someone in order to get a response or some type of reaction. Whether someone knows that 154 00:13:13,410 --> 00:13:17,390 they’re a provoker or even if it’s on some hidden subconscious level, they’re 155 00:13:17,390 --> 00:13:22,290 capable of just as much damage as someone that’s abusive. A provoker could be from 156 00:13:22,290 --> 00:13:27,370 our friends, from our colleagues or even from our family members. Many times, in those relationships, 157 00:13:27,370 --> 00:13:32,520 we even feel a struggle to leave, because we get so used to a person, and even when 158 00:13:32,520 --> 00:13:37,580 they’re toxic, we stay. It’s important to keep control over our lives, and remember 159 00:13:37,580 --> 00:13:42,340 that the goal is to achieve tranquility of the mind. For which, we need to be happy in 160 00:13:42,340 --> 00:13:49,010 all of our relationships, including our friendships, and our family relationships. So surround 161 00:13:49,010 --> 00:13:52,820 yourselves with people that bring more joy into your lives, instead of creating more 162 00:13:52,820 --> 00:13:58,390 misery and turbulence for you. Seneca also advises us to resist the urge to be curious 163 00:13:58,390 --> 00:14:03,470 if we want to keep a peaceful mind. Even if you are surrounded by the most amazing people, 164 00:14:03,470 --> 00:14:07,920 you are curious to hear what your friend said about you, or curious to read the messages 165 00:14:07,920 --> 00:14:12,680 of your partner who was texting someone attractive. If your goal is to maintain a tranquil and 166 00:14:12,680 --> 00:14:17,220 undisturbed mind, you should not want to seek out information that will likely cause you 167 00:14:17,220 --> 00:14:23,310 despair. 8. Don’t seek reasons to be angry 168 00:14:23,310 --> 00:14:28,500 To quote Seneca “It makes you angry that a slave has answered you back, or a freedman, 169 00:14:28,500 --> 00:14:33,610 or your wife, or a client: you then go on to complain that the state has been deprived 170 00:14:33,610 --> 00:14:38,560 of the freedom of which you have deprived those under your own roof.” 171 00:14:38,560 --> 00:14:44,890 We always give too much importance to ourselves. We live in a world of comfort and luxury. 172 00:14:44,890 --> 00:14:50,290 This eventually weakens us and makes us soft and thin-skinned. We grow up spoilt and learn 173 00:14:50,290 --> 00:14:55,430 to expect things from the world and then get angry when those expectations aren’t met. 174 00:14:55,430 --> 00:15:00,840 We get angry at almost every minute thing. We get angry when we misplace our things, 175 00:15:00,840 --> 00:15:05,630 when we get cut off by bad drivers, or when one of our friends make inappropriate joke. 176 00:15:05,630 --> 00:15:12,320 At such times, anger makes us feel perversely good. It makes us feel free. But these are 177 00:15:12,320 --> 00:15:16,930 all parts of life, and if we get angry every time our expectations about reality aren’t 178 00:15:16,930 --> 00:15:23,200 met we will surely live an angry existence. In order to deal with daily anger triggers, 179 00:15:23,200 --> 00:15:28,910 the Stoic’s practice what they call negative visualization. They visualized the worst-case 180 00:15:28,910 --> 00:15:32,850 scenario and all the things that could go wrong so that they would be ready for whatever 181 00:15:32,850 --> 00:15:38,510 may come, but also grateful for the times when negative occurrences were absent. Don’t 182 00:15:38,510 --> 00:15:43,260 seek reasons to be angry, instead, seek reasons to be calm. 183 00:15:43,260 --> 00:15:50,020 9. Use self-deprecating humor Seneca asks us “What should a wise person 184 00:15:50,020 --> 00:15:57,130 do when given a blow? Same as Cato when he was attacked; not fire up or revenge the insult., 185 00:15:57,130 --> 00:16:01,190 or even return the blow, but simply ignore it”. 186 00:16:01,190 --> 00:16:06,360 If we feel that we simply must say something in response to an insult, the Stoics recommend 187 00:16:06,360 --> 00:16:11,931 that we engage in self-deprecating humor. Seneca points approvingly to Cato’s use 188 00:16:11,931 --> 00:16:17,900 of humor to deflect a particularly grievous insult. Cato was pleading a case when an adversary 189 00:16:17,900 --> 00:16:23,480 named Lentulus spatatin his face. Rather than getting angry or returning the insult, Cato 190 00:16:23,480 --> 00:16:28,910 calmly wiped off the spit and said, “I will swear to anyone, Lentulus, that people are 191 00:16:28,910 --> 00:16:35,230 wrong to say that you cannot use your mouth!” Self deprecating humor is a practice in which 192 00:16:35,230 --> 00:16:41,150 we insult ourselves even worse than the insulter did. By turning an insult into a joke, we 193 00:16:41,150 --> 00:16:45,550 prevent the insult from taking root in our psyche, where it will cause us to experience 194 00:16:45,550 --> 00:16:51,520 needless anguish. By laughing off an insult, we are implying that we don’t take the insulter 195 00:16:51,520 --> 00:16:57,730 and his insults at all seriously. This belittles them and denies them dominance over the situation. 196 00:16:57,730 --> 00:17:02,740 It is therefore a response that is likely to deeply frustrate them. Hence a humorous 197 00:17:02,740 --> 00:17:08,040 reply to an insult can be far more effective than a counterinsult would be. 198 00:17:08,040 --> 00:17:13,840 10. Practice Self-reflection At in our final quote from Seneca for this 199 00:17:13,840 --> 00:17:19,980 video, he tells us “All our senses should be trained to acquire strength; they are by 200 00:17:19,980 --> 00:17:24,520 nature capable of endurance, provided that the mind, which should be called daily to 201 00:17:24,520 --> 00:17:29,060 account for itself, does not persist in undermining them.” 202 00:17:29,060 --> 00:17:33,560 When you reflect on your own character and actions you will gain a greater sensitivity 203 00:17:33,560 --> 00:17:39,050 or mindfulness toward how you think and what triggers you into negative emotions. You can 204 00:17:39,050 --> 00:17:44,940 start by keeping your anger journal. An anger diary or journal can be a useful tool to help 205 00:17:44,940 --> 00:17:50,300 you track your experiences with anger. Make daily entries into your diary that document 206 00:17:50,300 --> 00:17:55,630 the situations you encounter that angered you. In order to make the diary most useful, 207 00:17:55,630 --> 00:18:00,030 there are particular types of information you'll want to record for each provoking event 208 00:18:00,030 --> 00:18:02,820 such as - What happened that gave you pain or made you 209 00:18:02,820 --> 00:18:07,090 feel stressed? What was provocative about the situation? 210 00:18:07,090 --> 00:18:13,900 What thoughts were going through your mind? On a scale of 0-100 how angry did you feel? 211 00:18:13,900 --> 00:18:18,780 The purpose of your diary is to help you identify patterns of behavior and specific recurring 212 00:18:18,780 --> 00:18:24,570 elements that really "push your buttons". With daily self-reflection you can understand 213 00:18:24,570 --> 00:18:28,840 the ways in which you experience anger and plan strategies to cope with your emotions 214 00:18:28,840 --> 00:18:34,190 in more productive ways. If you enjoyed this video, please do make 215 00:18:34,190 --> 00:18:38,790 sure to check out our full Stoicism playlist and for more videos to help you find success 216 00:18:38,790 --> 00:18:43,760 and happiness using ancient philosophical wisdom, don’t forget to subscribe. Thanks 217 00:18:43,760 --> 00:18:45,280 so much for watching.