Seneca says “We shouldn’t control anger, but destroy it entirely - for what control
is there for a thing that’s fundamentally wicked?”
Lucius Annaeus Seneca was a prominent Roman philosopher and playwright who published several
essential works about Stoicism. He counselled Emperor Nero, and thought that anger is a
temporary madness, and that even when justified, we should never act on the basis of it because
it affects our sanity. Seneca wrote a book specifically on anger called “De Ira”
which defines and explains anger within the context of Stoic philosophy, and offers advice
on how to prevent and control anger and that’s why in this video we are going to look at
10 ways we can control our anger from the teachings of Seneca.
Recognize that anger is destructive Seneca says “We shall prevent ourselves
from becoming angry if we repeatedly place before our eyes all anger’s faults and form
a proper judgement of it”. The first step to dealing with anger is recognizing
how problematic this emotion is. We believe Aristotle’s way of thinking that anger is
not always bad. If one is angry at the right time and in the right context then anger can
sometimes be justified. Aristotelians claimed that virtue lies in navigating the middle
course between extremes. Concerning anger, they thought that the virtuous compromise
is good temper, which lies between the unvirtuous poles of irascibility that is too much anger
and lack of spirit that is too little anger. However, according to the Stoics there is
no such thing as a good degree of anger, but it doesn’t mean that one has to be passive
in the face of injustice. Human nature, for the Stoics, is that of a social animal capable
of reason. It follows that to “live according to nature” means to apply one’s reason
to social living. Anger is unreasonable, and it damages society, hence it is “unnatural”
in the Stoic sense. Seneca thought that anger was a vice with few, if any, exceptions. The
three main reasons Seneca lists are - Anger makes you a slave:
When we are angry, we are a slave to that anger. We are more likely to make mistakes
that we will end up regretting later. Anger blinds us to the future and the consequences
of our actions in the moment, effectively overriding our rational or higher selves and
making ourselves slaves to our subconscious. Anger makes us act in a way that feels gratifying
in the short term, but takes us away from our long-term ideals.
Anger cannot be slowed down According to Seneca, anger is a binary emotion.
The emotion of anger has a forward momentum that is far more extreme than other emotions.
The moment you realize you are angry, you are already under its control. When you are
in the middle of acting out anger, you don’t pay attention to any other course of action,
and move headlong into a path of destruction and chaos. You don’t want to be calm when
you are angry; anger justifies its own existence and
Anger is contagious Seneca says that anger influences a mob like
behavior. Anger is very known for its ability to spread through a social group more than
any other passion and when enough anger is present, the individuals become one larger
angry organism and seem to work perfectly together with the unified vision of havoc.
Now that we know how destructive anger is, we need to lessen our attachment to this emotion.
Pushing away from anger or disliking it is just a start but we also need some end goal
to move toward. That goal, according to Stoic philosophy of life is the attainment of tranquility
which is a state of peace and quiet.
2. Recognize your anger triggers and learn to control them
In the words of Seneca “And so the best course is to treat the sickness as soon as
it becomes apparent, at that time as well giving oneself the least freedom of speech
and curbing emotion”. Seneca advises us to be mindful about our
anger triggers that is to be aware of the events and situations that make you angry,
this is important because you’ll respond more effectively to your anger when you feel
prepared for it. If we practice mindfulness, we will not only be able to detect the macro
patterns that trigger our anger, but also to see the specific thoughts that arise and
lead to the emotion of anger. The benefit of this is that we will be able to catch and
neutralize them far earlier. Here are some common anger triggers.
Being treated unfairly for example someone cutting in front of you in a queue or your
boss gives you an inaccurate evaluation at work.
Responding to time pressure and frustrations Like leaving a bit late for work and running
into traffic or someone texting you while you are working.
Experiencing dishonesty or disappointment such as your partner cheating on you your
boss fails to give you the raise you were promised.
Encountering threats to self-esteem like receiving a bad grade or getting rejected.
Running into prejudice and discrimination for example racial or ethnic differences or
a disability. Getting attacked such as being mugged or domestic
violence or even just random accidents. Anticipating the possibility of anger increases
your ability to express it more constructively. Hence the more mindful we become about our
anger, the more we will be able to slow it down in the earliest stages of its onset.
3. Just wait According to Seneca “The greatest cure for
anger is to wait, so that the initial passion it engenders may die down, and the fog that
shrouds the mind may subside, or become less thick.”
Anger is a poor guide to happiness. Anger interferes with problem-solving and good judgment,
and makes you rash and rigid in your thinking. While fear drives us to flee, anger drives
us to confrontation. Anger motivates revenge and retaliation. This is why even the most
respected intellects can be reduced to repetitious expletives when enraged. Hence, whenever you
feel you are about to get angry, remove yourself from the situation that is provoking you,
or withhold all actions until you feel yourself in a completely tranquil state of mind. Sit
on the angry email for a day or two before sending it; walk away from a fight where possible;
and seek advice from a calm, ideally neutral, third party before taking any hostile action.
If you still wish to carry out the angry actions when you’re calmer, then by all means go
ahead. They may coincide with self-interest. But, chances are you won’t want to. In the
heat of anger you’re likely to make decisions you’ll regret.Try reading, meditating, or
some other activity you find relaxing. Go for a walk, a bike ride, or do some stretching.
This can relieve the tension in your muscles and help you relax. According to the American
Psychological Association, deep breathing is one of the fastest ways to reduce the intensity
of your anger. Even something as simple as waiting or counting to ten or repeating a
word or phrase that is calming to you such as "relax," or "let it go," or "take it easy"
all of these can help soothe angry feelings. Anger is an emotion and emotions do not last
forever. All of us will get angry from time to time. But using these strategies will help
you to control your anger, and express your feelings in a way that’s more beneficial
- to you, and to others.
4. Use art and music to calm the mind As we learn from Seneca “Hot-tempered people
should avoid studies that are demanding, or at least engage in ones not liable to end
in exhaustion; the mind should not occupy itself with hard tasks, but should be given
over to pleasurable arts: let it be calmed by reading poetry and charmed by the tales
of history; let it be treated with a measure of gentleness and refinement.”
If you are prone to frustration and anger, Seneca believes finding art or music that
soothes you will prove beneficial in your pursuit of a tranquil mind. In modern times
we call this form of anger management - expressive theory. Expressive therapy encourages people
to yell, scream and pound pillows to get out their built up anger. The pillows represent
the people from their past and their unresolved anger issues. The term expressive therapy
also refers to using creative arts as a method of managing anger. This type of therapy is
also known as creative arts therapy and expressive arts therapy.
Proponents of using expressive therapy as a method of anger management believe that
the body will heal through a combination of creative expression and the use of imagination.
During an anger management counseling session or class, therapists help identify the anger
triggers and unresolved anger issues. Although there are many types of expressive
therapy for anger management, the most common ones are -
Music therapy Art therapy
Dance therapy Drama therapy and
Writing therapy Nearly any type of art can be calming. Music
is a universally loved art-form that has the capability of causing an emotional and physical
reaction in the listener. It can make you feel more energetic, happy, or sad. When music
is used as a form of expressive therapy in managing anger, its used as a mood stabilizer.
When you feel angry, turn on the radio or listen to tracks on your phone and it will
help you relax. 5. See yourself as an offender
Seneca says “Let us put ourselves in the position of the man who is making us angry:
in point of fact it is an unjustified estimate of our own worth that causes our anger, and
an unwillingness to put up with treatment we would happily inflict on others”.
Trying to see yourself in others is a great exercise for how to deal with anger. When
we get angry, we are typically outraged at the actions of others. But in all likelihood,
we have acted just like them at some point in our lives. Ask yourself -
How many times have I acted badly? Have I ever acted violently?
Have I ever said mean things to someone I later regretted?
Have I ever manipulated someone?
As humans, we all share more similarities than differences. We have all acted in regrettable
ways, and then realize later that our free will is not so free, but is in truth owned
to a large degree by our passions. 6. Heal rather than punish
Seneca asks us “How much better it is to heal a wrong than to avenge one! Vengeance
takes considerable time, and it exposes a man to many injuries while only one causes
him resentment; we always feel anger longer than we feel hurt”.
When someone directs their anger toward us, it’s very common to want to take revenge,
to punish people for their wrongdoing. This is the idea behind having a prison system.
When someone breaks the law, we deal with that law breaking by punishing them in the
hopes that they will reform and stop acting in harmful ways. Unfortunately often happens
is people come out of prison as worse offenders than when they went in. The point of having
prisons is to punish people who have committed offenses, that is, it’s about revenge. But
the most advanced prison systems in the world - usually to be found in Scandinavian countries
- are based on the entirely different axiom that the point of prison is to reform the
criminal, to improve him morally, and to eventually allow him to rejoin the broader society from
which he is currently excluded and in doing so, prevent a recurring offense. This is perfectly
in accordance to Seneca’s belief that being angry at someone only adds further damage
to the situation, while “discretion” allows healing and at the same time recognizes that
there has been an injustice. This is a very constructive attitude when carried over to
interpersonal situations involving anger as it puts the “victim” in a more powerful
position, as healer rather than punisher. The act of revenge carries with it connotations
of anger. If anger is as bad, then the goal should be to rid anger both in ourselves and
others. 7. Choose your friends wisely
Seneca says “Choose men who are honest, easygoing, and have self-control, the sort
who will not arouse your anger and yet will tolerate it”.
According to research by social psychologist, Dr. David McClelland of Harvard, the people
you habitually associate with determines as much as 95 percent of your success or failure
in life, but Seneca realized this truth thousands of years ago. Anger spreads faster than fire.
Hence, if you know you are prone to anger, then you should not surround yourself with
friends who trigger that anger or provoke you. The provoker is someone that provokes
someone in order to get a response or some type of reaction. Whether someone knows that
they’re a provoker or even if it’s on some hidden subconscious level, they’re
capable of just as much damage as someone that’s abusive. A provoker could be from
our friends, from our colleagues or even from our family members. Many times, in those relationships,
we even feel a struggle to leave, because we get so used to a person, and even when
they’re toxic, we stay. It’s important to keep control over our lives, and remember
that the goal is to achieve tranquility of the mind. For which, we need to be happy in
all of our relationships, including our friendships, and our family relationships. So surround
yourselves with people that bring more joy into your lives, instead of creating more
misery and turbulence for you. Seneca also advises us to resist the urge to be curious
if we want to keep a peaceful mind. Even if you are surrounded by the most amazing people,
you are curious to hear what your friend said about you, or curious to read the messages
of your partner who was texting someone attractive. If your goal is to maintain a tranquil and
undisturbed mind, you should not want to seek out information that will likely cause you
despair. 8. Don’t seek reasons to be angry
To quote Seneca “It makes you angry that a slave has answered you back, or a freedman,
or your wife, or a client: you then go on to complain that the state has been deprived
of the freedom of which you have deprived those under your own roof.”
We always give too much importance to ourselves. We live in a world of comfort and luxury.
This eventually weakens us and makes us soft and thin-skinned. We grow up spoilt and learn
to expect things from the world and then get angry when those expectations aren’t met.
We get angry at almost every minute thing. We get angry when we misplace our things,
when we get cut off by bad drivers, or when one of our friends make inappropriate joke.
At such times, anger makes us feel perversely good. It makes us feel free. But these are
all parts of life, and if we get angry every time our expectations about reality aren’t
met we will surely live an angry existence. In order to deal with daily anger triggers,
the Stoic’s practice what they call negative visualization. They visualized the worst-case
scenario and all the things that could go wrong so that they would be ready for whatever
may come, but also grateful for the times when negative occurrences were absent. Don’t
seek reasons to be angry, instead, seek reasons to be calm.
9. Use self-deprecating humor Seneca asks us “What should a wise person
do when given a blow? Same as Cato when he was attacked; not fire up or revenge the insult.,
or even return the blow, but simply ignore it”.
If we feel that we simply must say something in response to an insult, the Stoics recommend
that we engage in self-deprecating humor. Seneca points approvingly to Cato’s use
of humor to deflect a particularly grievous insult. Cato was pleading a case when an adversary
named Lentulus spatatin his face. Rather than getting angry or returning the insult, Cato
calmly wiped off the spit and said, “I will swear to anyone, Lentulus, that people are
wrong to say that you cannot use your mouth!” Self deprecating humor is a practice in which
we insult ourselves even worse than the insulter did. By turning an insult into a joke, we
prevent the insult from taking root in our psyche, where it will cause us to experience
needless anguish. By laughing off an insult, we are implying that we don’t take the insulter
and his insults at all seriously. This belittles them and denies them dominance over the situation.
It is therefore a response that is likely to deeply frustrate them. Hence a humorous
reply to an insult can be far more effective than a counterinsult would be.
10. Practice Self-reflection At in our final quote from Seneca for this
video, he tells us “All our senses should be trained to acquire strength; they are by
nature capable of endurance, provided that the mind, which should be called daily to
account for itself, does not persist in undermining them.”
When you reflect on your own character and actions you will gain a greater sensitivity
or mindfulness toward how you think and what triggers you into negative emotions. You can
start by keeping your anger journal. An anger diary or journal can be a useful tool to help
you track your experiences with anger. Make daily entries into your diary that document
the situations you encounter that angered you. In order to make the diary most useful,
there are particular types of information you'll want to record for each provoking event
such as - What happened that gave you pain or made you
feel stressed? What was provocative about the situation?
What thoughts were going through your mind? On a scale of 0-100 how angry did you feel?
The purpose of your diary is to help you identify patterns of behavior and specific recurring
elements that really "push your buttons". With daily self-reflection you can understand
the ways in which you experience anger and plan strategies to cope with your emotions
in more productive ways. If you enjoyed this video, please do make
sure to check out our full Stoicism playlist and for more videos to help you find success
and happiness using ancient philosophical wisdom, don’t forget to subscribe. Thanks
so much for watching.