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This episode
includes a discussion of sensitive topics

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related to mental health
and may be activating for some viewers.

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We encourage you to take care of yourself.
For support and resources

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Visit BEAM.Community/GETHELPNOW.

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I'm Natalie.

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I'm Yolo.
And this is Black Healing Remix.

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The podcast.

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Well, we want to talk about depression, 
right?

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And I think, you know,
I had this experience over the pandemic.

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Like many of us,
we were like, Ooh, I need help.

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I need support.I need resources, right?

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And so I called my insurance
company to be like,

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Hey, I need a new therapist,
and I got the good insurance

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so connect me with the folks.

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And they were like, Are you depressed?

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And I was like,
I'm Natalie and I would like a therapist.

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I'm confused
about your line of questioning.

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And she's like, ell, we're only connecting people, 
therapists who are depressed.

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And I was like,

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What about everybody else who has any kind
of mental health experience?

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And also, what about the people
who are trying to do preventative care?

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Right.

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Which I was
I was like, oh, I think I'm beginning

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to get a little bit overwhelmed
with the pandemic.

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I don't too much is shifting.

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I don't know what's going on.

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And I'm just up in this house right?

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And she's like, well, if you're not
depressed, then can't get a therapist.

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And I was like, Well, talk to me
about how you define depression.

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And she's like,
Do you have this this this?

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And I was like, Sure,
maybe those can be factors, right?

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And she goes, Okay, well,
then I can connect you with a therapist.

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And I was like,
Talk to me about who these therapies are.

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Is there a way
that I can see their profiles?

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Can I learn about who they are
in their kind of perspective as therapist?

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And she was like, No.

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And I'm like, girl what?

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And then I said, Well,
I would like a black therapist.

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And she said, Oh,
we don't we don't look at race.

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That's
not a thing that we ask the therapist.

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And I was like, Sis,

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so here's the thing.

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You want me to go tell my business
to a person that I don't know anything

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about and it frankly don't seem like
you know much about either.

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And this is supposed to be
a therapeutic intervention

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when I'm trying to do
like preventative care for myself.

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And I was like a really striking
experience to me

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because I think so
many people might want support,

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but the process for getting
it is very, very challenging.

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And so I was not in distress.

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I was in desire for support, and
so I could manage those kind of things.

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But I was in that process.

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I was thinking about all of the people
who, if they were in distress,

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what a god awful experience this would be.

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If you are brave enough to ask for help
and then you are met with,

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you know, I'm sure a really wonderful
person on the other end of the phone,

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but who is not resourced or trained
to actually know how to support people

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who are in distress.

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And that

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was really troubling and scary
and sad to me.

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And I'm curious about your experiences

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with depression
and kind of how you think about that.

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Yeah. Yeah.

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Well, first, thank you for sharing that.

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That's a very distressing experience.

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And it's also very common
for a lot of folks

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when it comes to accessing therapy.

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I think it's important to name
that as I before I get into my story,

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is that actually a therapist that is not
necessarily designed for crisis care.

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Right. Right.

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That like you're right, if someone was in
high distress, calling whatever

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institution to get that care, that
that medium is not going to be helpful.

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Right.

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And so and because there is a little bit
there's so little analysis

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and understanding that a part of building
what they call the therapeutic alliance,

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you know, the relationship
between you and a therapist,

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it's about their values
is about who they are.

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Unfortunately, many
I feel like in white culture,

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or dominant culture
is just kind of perceived as like,

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you can just feel the mold
with anybody as opposed to I understand

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this is a human and a social
and there's so many nuances to care.

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Absolutely.

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But I think that, like,
what happens is like the

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the medical establishment tries to like,
just kind of make it one size fits all.

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NATALIE: Absolutely! It's an assembly line 
as opposed to actual tenderness and care.

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Absolutely.

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So that what immediately
what kind of struck me.

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And I just think, um,

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I was thinking about

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how frustrated and angry
it makes me, because I know that, like,

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not only have I navigated that,
but so many folks I know

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are trying to get care
and it is so difficult

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with insurance or without insurance. 
It's so difficult get care.

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And that's
what we dedicate our work to doing

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And thinking about how often in society
people say, now we're saying, well,

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you just need a therapist.

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YOLO: Yeah, I know.

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And then I go,
But I think you're underestimating what

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that process is like and how challenging
that might be for some people.

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And so which is why we have the belief
that it takes a variety of care

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strategies, not just depending on therapy,
because you might in the meantime,

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while you're trying
to figure out your therapy strategy,

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you might need to do that yoga.

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You might need to be at that Reiki art,
as you might,

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you know,
I mean, you might need to get a massage

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there might be other things that you need
to do in between that process.

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Absolutely.

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Because treating and supporting
any condition isn't just about therapy.

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Right.

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It has to be this a societal intervention
that has to be done right.

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So like

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if I'm living with depression,
which I am right, Like,

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it's like the things that I'm navigating
that help support my wellness

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are not just about this one time
a week, I'm with someone.

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It's about actually my family,
my community,

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the people that have chosen and not chosen
who are in my space, right?

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It's about my home, the access to food.
All these things influence

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my capacity to show up in the world,
right, and how I show up in the world.

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And that sometimes we
when people have all these care

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strategies, sometimes we name them a diva
and we say, Oh, you do a lot.

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YOLO: Mm hmm. 
NATALIE: Right.

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Not understanding

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what's actually underneath that,
that these are all care strategies,

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not the frivolousness of like,
you know, I have these particular

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yo yoga pants and I have to drink
this kind of, you know, like,

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I think, particularly in Los Angeles,
right?

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Like we have this wellness culture
that kind of, you know, sometimes

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people think is the same as mental health
and mental wellness and it sandwiches.

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And then when someone is like, No,
these are my care strategies, actually.

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YOLO: Right, Right.

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We label them as, you know, having antics
and being a diva or being difficult

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when it's like, no,

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they're actually trying
to really thoughtfully care for themselves

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YOLO: and keep themselves
grounded and regulated.

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Like I think about all the practices
that I engage in in the morning

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to make sure I start initiate my day
in a way that we feel grounded, right?

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I'm doing my meditation. I have my sound bowl.

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I pull from my oracle deck or 
my taro deck, right? 

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for a message inspirational message.

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I have my different text, Buddhist texts,
as well as other inspirational books.

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I just pull a random page
to give something to get me grounded

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or rooted because I know what that
if I rush into my day,

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I'm just going to be scattered all day.

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And so I'm trying to figure out
how do I start my day with regulation,

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How do I start my day with peace?
What does that look like?

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And that helps me as a strategy
for managing my depression, right?

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You asked me about my experience
and I want to kind of get into that.

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Before I get into that.

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I want to talk about this one piece

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that I think leads to this conversation
I want to have.

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And it goes back to an experience I had.

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I was somewhere in rural Florida
doing a training with BEAM,

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you know, one of our black mental health,
and healing justice trainings,

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which is training people on how to support
other black folks in crisis.

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And I'll never forget
on the on the PowerPoint,

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we had all the symptoms of depression. 
NATALIE: Mmmm.

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And I'll never forget this young person
who might have been like 17

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or 18 years old.

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He rolls his hand and he said,
You know what, YOLO,

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This is crazy to me because I thought
this is just meant being black.

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All these things you have on this list,
irritability, sleeplessness,

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like low, like low energy, like,
you know, rage.

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He's like, this is like just everybody
I know and myself.

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NATALIE: Mm hmm.

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And why I said that's important

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And it was so powerful to me because it,
like, made me realize in that moment

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the symptoms

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that we call depression
are so common in our communities

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that in many ways, they become invisible

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and norm.

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Like even the irritable irritability
and explosiveness

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we talked about in that workshop
session, right. How that irritability,

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we don't always see that as oppression.

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We see that as, Oh, that's just cause
they black and they special.

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And no, no, no, no.

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Actually, there's some other things under...
NATALIE: And there's there's tremendous

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life stressors
as it relates to living in a black body

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that absolutely impacts mental health
and your ability

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to engage the world in the ways
in which you might want to. 
YOLO: Yes.

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That cannot be treated.

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That cannot be treated by just a
one on one therapy session.

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When we talk about mental health
interventions

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for black people in this country,

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we need to talk about a 360 redevelopment,
a reimagining of our world.

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When you talk about access
to health care, preventative health care,

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we need to talk about living wages.

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Can I afford my rent?

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That is the economic stressor.

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Are the other schools
my children going to prisons?

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Are they helping
grow them and support them?

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Do I have to am I safe in my neighborhood?

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Right.
Is there access to green foods and water?

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We know that so many of our folks

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are living in communities
where there's food apartheid. Right.

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And we say food

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apartheid instead of food desert
because we know apartheid is intentional

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There are intentionally areas
where black folks live,

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where you could not find grocery stores
within miles.

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And when we use words like desert,
that implies that there's a natural rhythm

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YOLO: Absolutely 
As opposed to an intentional
thoughtfulness around abandoning folks,

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putting them in a place where they will
have no access to the necessary resources

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to be a human being and to be living
and breathing and functioning.

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YOLO: Absolutely.

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So that's why for me,

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it's important to name that like,
while therapy is a great intervention

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to heal our communities,
whether it's depression, anxiety

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or a variety of conditions,
we have to look at holistic interventions

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that take on all these different
dimensions of how is the, how is the actual

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context unwell? 
That's facilitating this condition in a person

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And to be real, the thing that I think is
so interesting is white folks know this.

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YOLO: Mm hmm. 
NATALIE: Right.

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Because when you look at really affluent
and wealthy white folks,

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they have so many things that support them
throughout their navigation

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of their daily life. Right.

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I do this in the morning.
I have this. I do this.

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Oh, I only like this kind of tea,
and I do this, and...

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Oh, and I tested out a sample right?

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There's all this exploration
of how to live fully.

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And when I think about our folks.

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Right.

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Regular, normal folks. Right.

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Then any part of that, like, Oh, you will
start with a sound bowl in the morning?

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Well, how much does the sound bowl cost?

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YOLO: Mm hmm.

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How am I going to have that right?

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And my kids got to get to 
school and I just got off work and I...

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Right.
There's all these things to navigate.

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And so. So. So just the ones.

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Oh, just do this
one thing - that can't be the answer

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because we need a whole reframe

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about what care and support
look like in the world.

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Absolutely.

233
00:10:34,166 --> 00:10:37,136
And that even getting
to those care strategies in your morning

234
00:10:37,136 --> 00:10:39,905
when you're already in a state
of being highly disregulated

235
00:10:39,905 --> 00:10:43,175
and stressed, it's hard
to get to the place to create that peace.

236
00:10:43,409 --> 00:10:44,610
And if you don't have a community
around you

237
00:10:44,610 --> 00:10:46,979
to supporting you with that right,
it can be really difficult

238
00:10:46,979 --> 00:10:48,481
to develop the strategies,
even the strategies,

239
00:10:48,481 --> 00:10:49,782
like I'm a read my Bible in the morning.

240
00:10:49,782 --> 00:10:52,418
For some folks
that can be a very...because like I'm panicking

241
00:10:52,418 --> 00:10:54,620
about all the things I have to do today
that I feel overwhelmed.

242
00:10:54,620 --> 00:10:56,722
They were anxious last night
when I went to sleep.

243
00:10:56,722 --> 00:11:01,293
So you wake up and then you miraculously
not going to be anxious about

244
00:11:01,360 --> 00:11:04,363
No, of course you're going to be anxious.
YOLO: Especially when it's talking about years

245
00:11:04,363 --> 00:11:08,367
and years of compounded
stress and intergenerational stress. 
NATALIE: Yes.

246
00:11:08,434 --> 00:11:10,569
So I just want to talk about
a little bit about, you know,

247
00:11:10,569 --> 00:11:13,806
my experience living with depression
and also struggling with ideations.

248
00:11:13,806 --> 00:11:14,106
Right.

249
00:11:14,106 --> 00:11:16,375
And for people who are watching
and listening

250
00:11:16,375 --> 00:11:19,412
what they ideations is, thoughts
of not wanting to be here, thoughts

251
00:11:19,412 --> 00:11:23,549
of wanting to harm yourself,
which is very real for a lot of our folks.

252
00:11:23,616 --> 00:11:26,519
One of the pieces I want to name
that I think is so infuriating to me

253
00:11:26,519 --> 00:11:29,522
about the ways in which our mental health
industrial complex is built

254
00:11:29,522 --> 00:11:33,993
is that literally when I look
at the United States, I see all the ways

255
00:11:33,993 --> 00:11:37,329
it is designed
and built to destroy black life,

256
00:11:37,396 --> 00:11:40,099
right to dehumanize black people.

257
00:11:40,099 --> 00:11:44,270
All these systems historically
and continually on ongoing.

258
00:11:44,370 --> 00:11:46,439
We don't interrogate the systems.

259
00:11:46,439 --> 00:11:49,141
We go, Oh, the status quo. Well,
this is how it normally happens.

260
00:11:49,141 --> 00:11:52,611
And I go, Well, that means it
normally is going to continually

261
00:11:52,712 --> 00:11:56,382
be problematic for black people
and people of color generally.

262
00:11:56,449 --> 00:11:58,117
The systems are not designed

263
00:11:58,117 --> 00:12:02,154
with any kind of thoughtfulness
to the reality of our daily life.

264
00:12:02,221 --> 00:12:05,858
And because, like so what happens
the frustrates me about that is they like

265
00:12:05,925 --> 00:12:08,828
these systems are designed
to dehumanize us and denigrate us.

266
00:12:08,828 --> 00:12:12,698
And then when a black person says,
I don't want to be here,

267
00:12:12,765 --> 00:12:17,570
I don't feel like I want to be here,
the response is incarceration.

268
00:12:17,670 --> 00:12:18,571
NATALIE: Yeah.

269
00:12:18,571 --> 00:12:20,005
Like when for for the vast

270
00:12:20,005 --> 00:12:23,008
majority of black people in this country,
when you call 911

271
00:12:23,008 --> 00:12:26,812
if you don't have access to crisis units
or other kinds of non-police intervention

272
00:12:26,946 --> 00:12:30,182
which they are trying to build,
you will have police come to your home.

273
00:12:30,416 --> 00:12:33,786
When you said, I'm in crisis in terms of
I feel like I'm a threat to myself,

274
00:12:33,786 --> 00:12:35,821
they will arrest you. 
NATALIE: Right.

275
00:12:35,821 --> 00:12:38,457
So now I am further traumatized.

276
00:12:38,457 --> 00:12:38,624
Yeah.

277
00:12:38,624 --> 00:12:41,627
Because it's not like the
the the police that show up

278
00:12:41,827 --> 00:12:45,631
are trained to support a person
in a mental health crisis.

279
00:12:45,631 --> 00:12:46,966
That is not what's happening.

280
00:12:46,966 --> 00:12:50,903
And even if they were the actual presence
of police, blue lights

281
00:12:50,903 --> 00:12:54,640
literally has evidence that it triggers
anxiety and black folks

282
00:12:54,740 --> 00:12:58,344
because immediately
we think I might be not here anymore.

283
00:12:58,477 --> 00:13:02,014
And also, just think about the feeling
of when you're driving your car.

284
00:13:02,081 --> 00:13:06,252
If you're a person who drives a car
and you see the lights come on behind you,

285
00:13:06,352 --> 00:13:10,623
that immediate drop in the pit of
your stomach where you're like, Oh, God.

286
00:13:10,689 --> 00:13:13,692
Because you don't actually know
what's going to happen.

287
00:13:13,826 --> 00:13:16,629
How severe is
what's about to happen? Right.

288
00:13:16,629 --> 00:13:20,299
And I think about that when you're
in the midst of a crisis already

289
00:13:20,399 --> 00:13:23,302
and you call because you need help,
which is why you called.

290
00:13:23,302 --> 00:13:23,803
Right.

291
00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:26,806
And then someone who, number one,
is not trained to help

292
00:13:26,972 --> 00:13:32,344
and also is deeply traumatized
themselves, often shows up.

293
00:13:32,411 --> 00:13:34,680
Now, we got the perfect training ground

294
00:13:34,680 --> 00:13:40,119
for a really horrific moment
for multiple humans.

295
00:13:40,186 --> 00:13:41,821
And there's some literature
that shows that, like,

296
00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:44,156
you know, people who are living with
mental conditions

297
00:13:44,156 --> 00:13:46,692
are like 16 times
more likely to be killed by the police.

298
00:13:46,692 --> 00:13:47,493
NATALIE: Right.

299
00:13:47,493 --> 00:13:51,630
So I just want a name that or hold
that as I talk about my...segue way

300
00:13:51,630 --> 00:13:54,800
into my story, that like the systems
we have in the United States,

301
00:13:54,834 --> 00:13:58,404
penalize us for being in distress
but produce the distress. 
NATALIE: Yes.

302
00:13:58,470 --> 00:14:01,240
Like, literally create...
NATALIE: It's literally just victim blaming.

303
00:14:01,240 --> 00:14:03,142
And this is also the beef that I have

304
00:14:03,142 --> 00:14:05,878
when people talk about the challenges
that they're facing.

305
00:14:05,878 --> 00:14:08,414
And then our answer is an
individual answer.

306
00:14:08,414 --> 00:14:09,215
YOLO: Mm hmm.

307
00:14:09,215 --> 00:14:12,218
And I go, It is not on individuals

308
00:14:12,351 --> 00:14:15,788
to, you know, this pull yourself up
by the bootstraps idea like

309
00:14:15,788 --> 00:14:18,424
That ain’t real.
It ain't dope and it ain't help nobody.

310
00:14:18,424 --> 00:14:18,958
Right.

311
00:14:18,958 --> 00:14:20,192
What does help somebody is

312
00:14:20,192 --> 00:14:24,296
when people in positions of power say,
I see that this does not work. 
YOLO: Yes.

313
00:14:24,330 --> 00:14:26,298
And if it does not work for one person,

314
00:14:26,298 --> 00:14:30,035
we need to replicate a system where there
is never a situation where this happens.

315
00:14:30,236 --> 00:14:31,203
And should it

316
00:14:31,203 --> 00:14:35,875
We have protocols in place to rectify,
identify and resolve immediately.

317
00:14:35,908 --> 00:14:38,410
YOLO: Absolutely.
That is not the system that we have.

318
00:14:38,410 --> 00:14:40,212
It's not the system that we have.

319
00:14:40,212 --> 00:14:42,615
(music plays)

320
00:14:43,349 --> 00:14:45,551
So, you
know, I think about one particular time

321
00:14:45,551 --> 00:14:48,888
in which I was struggling with ideation
and struggling with wanting to be here.

322
00:14:48,921 --> 00:14:50,256
Right? 
NATALIE: Mm hmm.

323
00:14:50,256 --> 00:14:54,393
And I think about that moment
and what was going through my mind,

324
00:14:54,393 --> 00:14:57,563
what was going through my head,
what was also experiencing

325
00:14:57,563 --> 00:14:58,931
in my real material life.

326
00:14:58,931 --> 00:15:01,934
You know, I was on the verge of eviction.

327
00:15:02,134 --> 00:15:06,272
I had went to a very prestigious school
to study social work

328
00:15:06,272 --> 00:15:11,043
and realized that this was not for me
and felt ashamed that it wasn't for me.

329
00:15:11,110 --> 00:15:15,047
I was in a relationship that the narrative
I created around

330
00:15:15,047 --> 00:15:19,118
the relationship was that
I was not enough for this person.

331
00:15:19,184 --> 00:15:22,788
And so all of these compounding stress,
you know, not having money,

332
00:15:22,788 --> 00:15:28,761
all those things create a space for me
where I felt so much shame.

333
00:15:28,861 --> 00:15:31,230
I felt so

334
00:15:31,230 --> 00:15:34,700
I was so overwhelmed, like literally
having the per...the landlord

335
00:15:34,700 --> 00:15:36,869
and beating down the door.

336
00:15:36,869 --> 00:15:39,972
Like, you know, I was so overwhelmed
and so and all the narratives

337
00:15:39,972 --> 00:15:41,073
and stories about,

338
00:15:41,073 --> 00:15:44,510
you know, where I should be once again,
“wherever there should user shame”, like

339
00:15:44,510 --> 00:15:48,781
where I should be, who I should be
looking on Instagram and other places

340
00:15:48,781 --> 00:15:50,215
and seeing people doing things

341
00:15:50,215 --> 00:15:54,219
that I just knew I had no capability
and access to do and feeling

342
00:15:54,219 --> 00:15:58,958
this tremendous
just grief and sadness and pain.

343
00:15:59,024 --> 00:16:01,560
And when I think about in that moment,

344
00:16:01,560 --> 00:16:03,996
going back to it,

345
00:16:03,996 --> 00:16:05,998
because I think about it,
if you go back to the moment, you think

346
00:16:05,998 --> 00:16:08,968
and think about what you were feeling
and thinking, and I was like,

347
00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:11,503
I realize
now it wasn't that I want to die.

348
00:16:11,503 --> 00:16:16,275
I just want the
pain to stop. I want to feel

349
00:16:16,375 --> 00:16:17,609
less overwhelmed.

350
00:16:17,609 --> 00:16:18,377
I want to feel like

351
00:16:18,377 --> 00:16:22,848
I feel like I was overwhelmed
by this kind of like shadow of just pain

352
00:16:23,048 --> 00:16:26,618
and and less and not enoughness 
and all those frameworks.

353
00:16:26,618 --> 00:16:27,786
Right?

354
00:16:27,786 --> 00:16:29,188
And I just wanted to stop.

355
00:16:29,188 --> 00:16:30,956
NATALIE: Mm hmm. 
And I didn't see a way out.

356
00:16:30,956 --> 00:16:34,059
I didn't see how a friend or family member
could help me because no one,

357
00:16:34,059 --> 00:16:35,728
no way around me seemed safe.

358
00:16:35,728 --> 00:16:39,231
But definitely it seems safer because
the hotlines. I had seen what happened.

359
00:16:39,331 --> 00:16:41,367
It didn't feel safe to call 911.

360
00:16:41,367 --> 00:16:43,869
So what would I do? You know?

361
00:16:43,869 --> 00:16:46,872
And when I saw when I look back
on that situation, I just think

362
00:16:47,072 --> 00:16:48,307
I really want the pain to stop.

363
00:16:48,307 --> 00:16:52,111
But I had no understanding
of how to make the pain stop except for to

364
00:16:52,111 --> 00:16:54,346
kill myself. 
NATALIE: Mm.

365
00:16:55,681 --> 00:16:56,115
And I think

366
00:16:56,115 --> 00:16:59,118
that's the reality for a lot of us

367
00:16:59,251 --> 00:17:02,554
that we don't know
how to make the pain stop

368
00:17:02,621 --> 00:17:04,590
except for to take our lives.

369
00:17:04,590 --> 00:17:05,858
Because it hurts so much.

370
00:17:05,858 --> 00:17:07,960
It hurts and it aches like a displaced.

371
00:17:07,960 --> 00:17:10,963
It's, like, so deep. Right?

372
00:17:10,963 --> 00:17:11,430
Mm hmm.

373
00:17:11,430 --> 00:17:15,968
So deeply about so much compounded trauma.

374
00:17:16,001 --> 00:17:16,301
Right.

375
00:17:16,301 --> 00:17:19,605
It wasn't just about like,
you know, this this, this,

376
00:17:19,605 --> 00:17:21,607
like couple of months of things
I was navigating.

377
00:17:21,607 --> 00:17:23,042
It was like, on top of that,

378
00:17:23,042 --> 00:17:25,411
all the things I had to navigate
as a black queer person.

379
00:17:25,411 --> 00:17:26,011
Mm hmm.

380
00:17:26,011 --> 00:17:26,979
You know?

381
00:17:26,979 --> 00:17:27,813
Um. 

382
00:17:29,581 --> 00:17:31,817
That....

383
00:17:31,817 --> 00:17:34,019
That's something I think about a lot.

384
00:17:34,019 --> 00:17:37,022
You know? And like...

385
00:17:37,189 --> 00:17:40,893
How, you know, and being honest, like,
what happened in that situation was just

386
00:17:40,959 --> 00:17:50,002
I had some friends who felt something
was wrong, you know...making me emotional.

387
00:17:50,102 --> 00:17:52,538
And that's why community is so important.

388
00:17:52,538 --> 00:17:55,641
because I had
I had a good friend, several friends

389
00:17:55,641 --> 00:17:59,711
who were like, something's up.

390
00:17:59,778 --> 00:18:01,713
And, you know, the friend came to my home

391
00:18:01,713 --> 00:18:06,118
and found me in a very bad place

392
00:18:06,185 --> 00:18:07,352
and stayed with me

393
00:18:07,352 --> 00:18:10,789
and was present with me and didn't
she didn't know what to do

394
00:18:10,789 --> 00:18:17,296
except for be present with me, hold me,
you know, and um...

395
00:18:17,396 --> 00:18:19,398
if she had not been there,
they had not come there

396
00:18:19,398 --> 00:18:21,500
I don't know where I'd be.

397
00:18:21,500 --> 00:18:24,236
I don’t know if I’d be here.

398
00:18:24,236 --> 00:18:28,440
And so I just say that to say that like
I know the pain of not wanting to be here.

399
00:18:28,440 --> 00:18:31,710
And I know a lot of our folks
feel that pain.

400
00:18:31,777 --> 00:18:33,445
And that

401
00:18:33,445 --> 00:18:35,013
you know,

402
00:18:35,013 --> 00:18:37,683
people try to shame
or make fun of folks for having that pain.

403
00:18:37,683 --> 00:18:38,684
But that pain is real.

404
00:18:38,684 --> 00:18:40,285
When you experience stuff as a

405
00:18:40,285 --> 00:18:42,087
whether you're black, you're queer,
your trans, you're

406
00:18:42,087 --> 00:18:44,223
a woman,
you're navigating all of these things

407
00:18:44,223 --> 00:18:47,759
that people just expect
you to push through. 
NATALIE: Yep.

408
00:18:47,826 --> 00:18:48,727
But that pain is real.

409
00:18:48,727 --> 00:18:52,498
But what I have learned that I
but I'm grateful that I'm here to to know now

410
00:18:52,498 --> 00:18:55,901
is that...

411
00:18:55,968 --> 00:18:57,703
that I can have folks to help me.

412
00:18:57,703 --> 00:19:00,506
NATALIE: Mm hmm. 
YOLO: That...

413
00:19:00,506 --> 00:19:03,509
That knowing
now that I want the pain to stop,

414
00:19:03,509 --> 00:19:07,713
I do things every day of my life
to kind of manage my pain.

415
00:19:07,779 --> 00:19:10,782
Mm hmm. Right. Have to know that.

416
00:19:10,816 --> 00:19:14,353
And building a life like this,
something that I'm.

417
00:19:14,453 --> 00:19:16,021
I can't think of her name right now.

418
00:19:16,021 --> 00:19:20,826
Susan Taylor, who's a former chief
in chief and editor at large at Essence.

419
00:19:20,926 --> 00:19:23,662
She use to have these things caught
“In the Spirit” at the back of Essence.

420
00:19:23,662 --> 00:19:25,531
I remember when I was growing up
and I used to read them a lot.

421
00:19:25,531 --> 00:19:28,433
My mom would get Essence. 
And I remember she said, you have to...

422
00:19:28,433 --> 00:19:32,204
there's a quote I used to keep.

423
00:19:32,271 --> 00:19:34,573
Mmmm....

424
00:19:34,573 --> 00:19:37,242
And it says, You have to build your life
where everything around

425
00:19:37,242 --> 00:19:41,613
you reminds you of how you are loved
and how beautiful you are.

426
00:19:41,680 --> 00:19:43,015
And I remember like seeing

427
00:19:43,015 --> 00:19:46,051
that even after the moment coming out of,
like, the ideation

428
00:19:46,051 --> 00:19:50,155
and the suicide attempt and being like,
my life does not make me feel that way.

429
00:19:50,289 --> 00:19:55,027
You know, like nothing about my world
reminds me of any even feels like this

430
00:19:55,060 --> 00:19:57,029
is even possible.

431
00:19:57,029 --> 00:20:01,533
And so I think that what I try to do
now is not only help myself build

432
00:20:01,533 --> 00:20:08,740
that world, but also help other folks,
particularly our people,

433
00:20:08,807 --> 00:20:10,976
build into the universe,

434
00:20:10,976 --> 00:20:13,979
whatever you can, whatever small things.

435
00:20:14,079 --> 00:20:16,415
I can’t stop crying, I'm sorry.

436
00:20:16,415 --> 00:20:19,351
Whatever small things or 
big things that you can to

437
00:20:19,351 --> 00:20:21,353
to make you feel loved by you.

438
00:20:21,353 --> 00:20:26,491
Because I know that those small things,
whether it's your best friend,

439
00:20:26,558 --> 00:20:27,392
whether it's

440
00:20:27,392 --> 00:20:31,396
like, you know, your sound bath
in the morning, your Bible, your Koran,

441
00:20:31,396 --> 00:20:35,434
whatever it is, those small things can be
the things that save.

442
00:20:35,500 --> 00:20:39,605
NATALIE: Mm hmm.

443
00:20:39,671 --> 00:20:43,842
I'm, like, so grateful to witness

444
00:20:44,509 --> 00:20:47,312
the after.

445
00:20:47,312 --> 00:20:50,315
Because we know for some of our folks,
there is no...

446
00:20:50,382 --> 00:20:55,254
the after is our memories of them.

447
00:20:55,320 --> 00:20:57,389
And I think about

448
00:20:57,389 --> 00:21:00,392
all the things that have been created

449
00:21:00,626 --> 00:21:03,629
because of community care,

450
00:21:03,662 --> 00:21:07,699
which is what you identify
as “This was the moment”, right?

451
00:21:07,799 --> 00:21:11,136
That the homie was like,
“Something is not right.”

452
00:21:11,203 --> 00:21:13,038
And listened to that.

453
00:21:13,038 --> 00:21:16,742
Because sometimes we know you go,
“Something ain’t right over there.”

454
00:21:16,742 --> 00:21:19,745
YOLO: Mm hmm. 
NATALIE: And you don't know. 
YOLO: Mm hmm.

455
00:21:19,878 --> 00:21:21,680
And you dismiss it.

456
00:21:21,680 --> 00:21:24,449
And I just think about what the world

457
00:21:24,449 --> 00:21:28,654
would look like
if that person dismissed it.

458
00:21:28,720 --> 00:21:29,321
Right.

459
00:21:29,321 --> 00:21:31,757
All of the things that you've created,

460
00:21:31,757 --> 00:21:34,459
all the people that you've inspired,
the new frameworks

461
00:21:34,459 --> 00:21:38,230
that you've created that have, like,
shifted culture for people,

462
00:21:38,330 --> 00:21:41,333
have encouraged them to think about,
you know,

463
00:21:41,566 --> 00:21:45,370
“Am I in an environment
that feels loving, is supportive?”

464
00:21:45,470 --> 00:21:49,241
That you've been able
to create that for so many people.

465
00:21:49,341 --> 00:21:53,345
I feel really grateful
to, like, hear your story

466
00:21:53,412 --> 00:21:56,982
and and appreciate
you being willing to share, knowing that

467
00:21:56,982 --> 00:22:02,020
sharing these like, deep, intimate moments
that frankly, no one else sees.

468
00:22:02,120 --> 00:22:02,487
Right.

469
00:22:02,487 --> 00:22:06,158
That sometimes we

470
00:22:06,224 --> 00:22:08,960
we glaze over those moments

471
00:22:08,960 --> 00:22:11,530
because they do elicit the tears.

472
00:22:11,530 --> 00:22:13,832
They do elicit
all the, like, messy life stuff.

473
00:22:13,832 --> 00:22:15,000
Right.

474
00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:18,403
And sometimes
we want to look a certain way.

475
00:22:18,503 --> 00:22:22,240
But what I've come to know is, for me,

476
00:22:22,341 --> 00:22:22,941
like, these are

477
00:22:22,941 --> 00:22:25,944
the moments that matter
the most to me in the world, right?

478
00:22:25,944 --> 00:22:29,981
Because it creates the context for who
people are, who they are for real, right?

479
00:22:30,048 --> 00:22:33,185
That then when we see behaviors
that may not be in alignment with who

480
00:22:33,185 --> 00:22:38,857
they want to be all the time,
we can connect back to

481
00:22:38,924 --> 00:22:40,025
There's pain.

482
00:22:40,025 --> 00:22:41,259
Yeah.

483
00:22:41,259 --> 00:22:44,863
And I think so much of
what's happening in the world is that we

484
00:22:44,930 --> 00:22:48,200
ignore that each other have pain. 
YOLO: Yes.

485
00:22:48,266 --> 00:22:52,003
And we feel like, you know, we should be
able to push through or ignore that pain.

486
00:22:52,037 --> 00:22:53,538
You know, they call that John Henryism.

487
00:22:53,538 --> 00:22:58,443
That's a concept like to frame what
we as black folks have been trained to do.

488
00:22:58,577 --> 00:23:02,681
Yeah, it's to push through the pain,
but seem like the pain doesn't exist.

489
00:23:02,748 --> 00:23:04,383
When someone says they're in pain

490
00:23:04,383 --> 00:23:07,619
because we deny our pain,
we deny theirs, too. 
NATALIE: Yes.

491
00:23:07,686 --> 00:23:10,756
And that's why I feel like
a big part of what and I've said this.

492
00:23:10,756 --> 00:23:14,025
I've been you know,
I had an opportunity to

493
00:23:14,126 --> 00:23:17,362
be a part of some work that was working,
working around the National suicide

494
00:23:17,362 --> 00:23:18,163
Prevention Strategy.

495
00:23:18,163 --> 00:23:21,900
And I told them I was like, look,
some of this is that it's not safe

496
00:23:21,900 --> 00:23:25,537
for people to talk about
how they don't want to be here. Yeah.

497
00:23:25,604 --> 00:23:27,939
And because it's not safe and

498
00:23:27,939 --> 00:23:31,943
people are afraid of carceral implications

499
00:23:32,010 --> 00:23:34,980
because there is all these incidences
where people said that

500
00:23:34,980 --> 00:23:38,617
and then next thing you know, they're
in an institution where the psychiatrist

501
00:23:38,617 --> 00:23:41,620
has so much authority and power

502
00:23:41,720 --> 00:23:44,122
Has all the power.

503
00:23:44,122 --> 00:23:48,660
And abuses that power
and now further traumatizes someone.

504
00:23:48,660 --> 00:23:50,462
Because most people there's

505
00:23:50,462 --> 00:23:53,398
I don’t know the exact number, but like there's
a large percentage of people

506
00:23:53,398 --> 00:23:56,435
who experience
being inside a psychiatric institution

507
00:23:56,435 --> 00:23:59,304
as another form of trauma
that increases their this suicide.

508
00:23:59,304 --> 00:23:59,938
Absolutely.

509
00:23:59,938 --> 00:24:03,308
I mean, I mean, it's like for a moment,
let's like

510
00:24:03,341 --> 00:24:07,746
actually think about I'm in crisis,
I need support.

511
00:24:07,813 --> 00:24:10,248
I get institutionalized.

512
00:24:10,248 --> 00:24:12,417
I am in a place that I do not know.

513
00:24:12,417 --> 00:24:14,019
I'm with people I do not know.

514
00:24:14,019 --> 00:24:15,787
I do not know when I will leave.

515
00:24:15,787 --> 00:24:18,824
And I don't know what will
happen to me in the meantime.

516
00:24:18,924 --> 00:24:19,825
Now, when you go

517
00:24:19,825 --> 00:24:24,496
when you having a problem,
you know, is that really the best thing?

518
00:24:24,596 --> 00:24:26,465
It's like when we're scared.
We want to feel safe.

519
00:24:26,465 --> 00:24:27,232
YOLO: We want to feel safe.

520
00:24:27,232 --> 00:24:32,270
And do you feel safe
in a sterile environment with strangers?

521
00:24:32,370 --> 00:24:35,207
YOLO: And, you know, an interesting thing

522
00:24:35,207 --> 00:24:38,743
happened in the pandemic.

523
00:24:38,844 --> 00:24:40,445
And I'm going to get emotional

524
00:24:40,445 --> 00:24:43,982
about this piece. Um...

525
00:24:44,049 --> 00:24:46,251
I'm familiar with what happens

526
00:24:46,251 --> 00:24:49,488
with places where people get, you know,
different codes on for them, from 50

527
00:24:49,521 --> 00:24:55,293
different states and different codes
from when you get institutionalized, right.

528
00:24:55,360 --> 00:24:59,531
Some people with resources
reached out to me

529
00:24:59,631 --> 00:25:03,568
about someone who needed support, support,

530
00:25:03,635 --> 00:25:05,504
and they asked me
about where they could go.

531
00:25:05,504 --> 00:25:08,273
And I was like,
I don't really know where you would send

532
00:25:08,273 --> 00:25:12,077
someone of that caliber or whatever to
because I was like,

533
00:25:12,110 --> 00:25:16,047
I'm used to having to send folks to places
that I feel very deeply disturbed

534
00:25:16,047 --> 00:25:19,484
by and perturbed by knowing what's out there. 
NATALIE: Yes.

535
00:25:19,584 --> 00:25:22,420
And so what I did, send me down this
rabbit hole where I started researching

536
00:25:22,420 --> 00:25:27,526
where do the very well-to-do people go
when they have a mental health crisis?

537
00:25:27,526 --> 00:25:32,797
And what does that look like?

538
00:25:32,864 --> 00:25:35,200
NATALIE: Well, I’ll tell you what.
It ain’t the same.

539
00:25:35,200 --> 00:25:39,604
And I'm so fucking pissed

540
00:25:39,671 --> 00:25:42,674
in disgust at the discrepancy.

541
00:25:42,908 --> 00:25:47,412
NATALIE: Oh, yeah. 
YOLO: At the the ways in which, like we know

542
00:25:47,445 --> 00:25:49,114
if this happens to most of our folks,

543
00:25:49,114 --> 00:25:51,283
where they're going is a place
that's going to denigrate them

544
00:25:51,283 --> 00:25:53,218
further and destroy
and break their spirit.

545
00:25:53,218 --> 00:25:55,420
Ain’t nobody talking in nice voices.

546
00:25:55,420 --> 00:25:58,790
Ain't no juice cleanse. 
YOLO: Ain’t no green juice. Ain’t no green space.

547
00:25:58,790 --> 00:26:02,127
Ain’t no, “We've looked at your medical history,
and so we know what you're allergic to.”

548
00:26:02,294 --> 00:26:06,631
“And we've created a paleo
vegan cookie dough”

549
00:26:06,831 --> 00:26:08,266
“Perfect diet for you.”

550
00:26:08,266 --> 00:26:10,101
YOLO: None of that is happening
NATALIE: No.

551
00:26:10,101 --> 00:26:13,305
And the discrepancy is shocking
because when people, when you

552
00:26:13,305 --> 00:26:15,540
when you're being institutionalized
or you're being sent

553
00:26:15,540 --> 00:26:18,109
to a psychiatric behavioral health hospital,
you're basically in a prison.

554
00:26:18,109 --> 00:26:24,516
Like literally, the the the vendors
that are used in prisons for the supplies

555
00:26:24,516 --> 00:26:27,719
are literally the same vendors
because of the same system

556
00:26:27,786 --> 00:26:30,622
that is designed to dehumanize folks,
right.

557
00:26:30,622 --> 00:26:34,693
To make millions of dollars off of despair. 
NATALIE: Yep.

558
00:26:34,759 --> 00:26:35,961
And so

559
00:26:35,961 --> 00:26:40,031
seeing that, you
know, so much of my conviction with BEAM

560
00:26:40,131 --> 00:26:42,801
and my hope for the work that I want
to continue to do in the world,

561
00:26:42,801 --> 00:26:47,305
that we want to continue to do in a world,
you know, all of us, is um...

562
00:26:47,372 --> 00:26:49,341
building systems that are like

563
00:26:49,341 --> 00:26:52,344
loving and cared for and full of care.

564
00:26:52,377 --> 00:26:53,011
Right.

565
00:26:53,011 --> 00:26:56,514
Where someone goes through
what I went through

566
00:26:56,581 --> 00:27:00,452
and what happens after and where and when
and when someone comes to support them.

567
00:27:00,518 --> 00:27:04,656
Like you're taken to a place
that feels loving, that feels easy,

568
00:27:04,723 --> 00:27:09,661
that feels caring, that is really listening
to you and seeing you.

569
00:27:09,728 --> 00:27:10,996
I know that's possible

570
00:27:10,996 --> 00:27:13,565
because I've seen what the fuck
these other people who have money have.

571
00:27:13,565 --> 00:27:14,232
Oh, absolutely.

572
00:27:14,232 --> 00:27:17,235
YOLO: And I know...
They get warm blankets and juice cleanse.

573
00:27:17,268 --> 00:27:21,740
I mean, it's like I'm like I'm trying to go. 
Do they have a vacation package?

574
00:27:21,740 --> 00:27:23,575
Because I'm trying to go.
Listen, it's cute.

575
00:27:23,575 --> 00:27:24,776
I like the linens.

576
00:27:24,776 --> 00:27:25,777
I'm trying to be there.

577
00:27:25,777 --> 00:27:28,213
I want the beautiful...chime.

578
00:27:28,213 --> 00:27:30,915
Everything. Wake me up.
I want all of it. Okay?

579
00:27:30,915 --> 00:27:34,419
And we recognize that most folks
will never get to experience

580
00:27:34,486 --> 00:27:38,456
that kind of care unless we create a world
where that is a priority.

581
00:27:38,556 --> 00:27:40,859
YOLO: And where that is a standard. 
NATALIE: Yes.

582
00:27:40,859 --> 00:27:43,094
Where we start,
we stop criminalizing people

583
00:27:43,094 --> 00:27:45,597
for being, having conditions
and being in distress.

584
00:27:45,597 --> 00:27:46,731
That's what, that's of the part.

585
00:27:46,731 --> 00:27:51,269
The core of it is that so much of Western
psychiatry and psychology is

586
00:27:51,336 --> 00:27:54,406
pathologizing and shaming people
who would not get able to produce

587
00:27:54,406 --> 00:27:55,674
the way we need them to produce.

588
00:27:55,674 --> 00:27:57,609
NATALIE: Yes
YOLO: You can't be a good producer.

589
00:27:57,609 --> 00:27:58,176
You can't produce.

590
00:27:58,176 --> 00:28:00,145
Well, okay,
we will give some medicine to fix you

591
00:28:00,145 --> 00:28:02,881
so you can produce more
or we're going to discard you.

592
00:28:02,881 --> 00:28:04,149
NATALIE: Yes. 
YOLO: That’s essentially what happens.

593
00:28:04,149 --> 00:28:06,284
And what I always say about
and I feel like

594
00:28:06,284 --> 00:28:10,955
this is so deeply connected to abolition
and prison and all of these things is

595
00:28:11,022 --> 00:28:13,224
that prison

596
00:28:13,224 --> 00:28:17,162
and institutionalization
does not actually help the human being.

597
00:28:17,162 --> 00:28:23,001
What does is remove them
from being your problem, much like

598
00:28:23,101 --> 00:28:26,071
when we throw trash in the garbage can

599
00:28:26,104 --> 00:28:28,707
and then we put the barrel on the curb.

600
00:28:28,707 --> 00:28:31,276
Now it just
and then they come and they take it

601
00:28:31,276 --> 00:28:33,078
and then it just goes to a landfill.

602
00:28:33,078 --> 00:28:35,847
And when the landfill is too full,
they put it in the middle of the ocean.

603
00:28:35,847 --> 00:28:39,150
And when it's too full there, they ship it
to a country that we don't care about.

604
00:28:39,184 --> 00:28:39,484
Right.

605
00:28:39,484 --> 00:28:43,221
Like it
didn't actually disappear from the planet.

606
00:28:43,321 --> 00:28:45,557
I'm confused why humans don't 
get this at this point.

607
00:28:45,557 --> 00:28:50,061
None of this shit
disappears just because we don't like it.

608
00:28:50,161 --> 00:28:50,462
YOLO: Yeah.

609
00:28:50,462 --> 00:28:55,467
And so the call is if we don't like
what's going on in the world,

610
00:28:55,533 --> 00:28:59,104
what are we going to do about it
in our daily lives?

611
00:28:59,170 --> 00:29:02,540
And if we're so attached
to having a Bentley and so attached

612
00:29:02,540 --> 00:29:07,412
to being cute, we ain’t ‘bout to fix nothing
and we're all going to be in shambles.

613
00:29:07,612 --> 00:29:09,614
And I'm not here for it,
you know what I mean?

614
00:29:09,614 --> 00:29:12,617
And I think when we sit in community,
we realize

615
00:29:12,717 --> 00:29:15,353
most of us are not actually here for it.

616
00:29:15,353 --> 00:29:16,888
We want the world to look different.

617
00:29:16,888 --> 00:29:19,758
But are we brave enough to hold
a different vision for what's possible?

618
00:29:19,758 --> 00:29:21,459
YOLO: Absolutely. Absolutely.

619
00:29:21,459 --> 00:29:22,293
And that's the piece.

620
00:29:22,293 --> 00:29:27,499
And that's the piece like another world
as possible for care for folks living,

621
00:29:27,532 --> 00:29:28,666
navigating depression,

622
00:29:28,666 --> 00:29:31,803
navigating borderline personality
disorder, navigating schizophrenia.

623
00:29:31,803 --> 00:29:35,073
And I think it's important to name them
because I think that like one,

624
00:29:35,073 --> 00:29:38,343
I understand the tricky relationship
that black folks have to diagnosis.

625
00:29:38,343 --> 00:29:39,811
Diagnosis. Excuse me.

626
00:29:39,811 --> 00:29:44,349
Like, on one hand,
you know, when you have a diagnoses,

627
00:29:44,415 --> 00:29:45,617
we know these criminal

628
00:29:45,617 --> 00:29:47,519
the criminal legal system
will use that against you

629
00:29:47,519 --> 00:29:49,554
to further penalize you and harm you.

630
00:29:49,554 --> 00:29:53,291
Like well she know she had anxiety
as opposed to like she was in distress.

631
00:29:53,358 --> 00:29:55,627
He was he was navigating pain.

632
00:29:55,627 --> 00:29:56,261
That's not used.

633
00:29:56,261 --> 00:29:57,962
That's not the framework. Right.

634
00:29:57,962 --> 00:29:59,330
It becomes that piece.

635
00:29:59,330 --> 00:30:04,636
And so it is when people are comfortable
enough to say depression,

636
00:30:04,736 --> 00:30:07,739
borderline personality, schizophrenia,

637
00:30:07,806 --> 00:30:10,675
not only are we taking pushing back
against the shame,

638
00:30:10,675 --> 00:30:13,478
we're also like recognizing
that we're also, unfortunately

639
00:30:13,478 --> 00:30:16,781
putting ourselves at risk in the system
to exploit that against us,

640
00:30:16,848 --> 00:30:19,350
which is why we got to be tricky
with diag...gotta be easy with diagnosis.

641
00:30:19,350 --> 00:30:22,787
We can't be thrown around diagnosis
or they bipolar. Don't throw that around.

642
00:30:22,887 --> 00:30:25,690
Because you don't know what
our folks have been through who are living

643
00:30:25,690 --> 00:30:29,027
with bipolar in terms
of navigating their safety.

644
00:30:29,060 --> 00:30:30,929
Their creating love
and intimacy for themselves

645
00:30:30,929 --> 00:30:32,764
when you use terms like that casually.

646
00:30:32,764 --> 00:30:35,066
And I want to say one of the things
that we always talk about

647
00:30:35,066 --> 00:30:38,036
is that safety
is a communal responsibility.

648
00:30:38,102 --> 00:30:39,103
That each of us

649
00:30:39,103 --> 00:30:42,407
the way we show up, the way
 we communicate, the way we engage

650
00:30:42,407 --> 00:30:46,945
other folks, is an indicator
of what safety means in a space.

651
00:30:47,011 --> 00:30:49,214
And if you are not contributing

652
00:30:49,214 --> 00:30:52,450
to the safety,
you are contributing to the harm. 

653
00:30:52,650 --> 00:30:54,519
And we have to be so clear about that.

654
00:30:54,519 --> 00:30:58,489
What are you actually doing
to make sure that women are safe?

655
00:30:58,590 --> 00:30:59,858
What are you actually doing

656
00:30:59,858 --> 00:31:03,761
to make sure that trans folks are safe,
that folks with diagnosis are safe?

657
00:31:03,828 --> 00:31:05,163
What are you doing?

658
00:31:05,163 --> 00:31:09,334
Because just sitting there being like,
Oh, that's not my business, that's not my

659
00:31:09,400 --> 00:31:10,335
that ain't it

660
00:31:10,335 --> 00:31:14,873
and it’s creating a world
where everybody feels isolated. 
YOLO: Yes.

661
00:31:14,973 --> 00:31:15,707
And that's such a

662
00:31:15,707 --> 00:31:17,208
I mean, that's really the big part

663
00:31:17,208 --> 00:31:19,577
of our Black Mental Health
and Healing Justice peer support training.

664
00:31:19,577 --> 00:31:20,278
Right.

665
00:31:20,278 --> 00:31:23,147
You know, when I remember when I when we
when we were creating this training

666
00:31:23,147 --> 00:31:26,618
together and people were like,
why would you need that?

667
00:31:26,684 --> 00:31:27,485
You know, what would that mean?

668
00:31:27,485 --> 00:31:28,987
And I was like, No, because every day

669
00:31:28,987 --> 00:31:32,624
black folks need to have more skills
and tools and resources and understanding

670
00:31:32,824 --> 00:31:35,026
about how to support each other
and themselves.

671
00:31:35,026 --> 00:31:36,461
We need to be able to diag...

672
00:31:36,461 --> 00:31:39,264
Not diagnose, be able to identify.

673
00:31:39,264 --> 00:31:40,231
YOLO: Yes, yes, yes.

674
00:31:40,231 --> 00:31:42,700
What a symptom of these
different things are.

675
00:31:42,700 --> 00:31:46,871
So that you could go, Oh, this actually
might be something more meaningful.

676
00:31:46,871 --> 00:31:49,240
YOLO: Yes. 
Than just so-and-so got an attitude, right?

677
00:31:49,240 --> 00:31:52,043
If your auntie got an attitude
for the last 25 years,

678
00:31:52,043 --> 00:31:54,545
she don't just have an attitude.
Something's going on. 
YOLO: Yes.

679
00:31:54,545 --> 00:31:57,548
And so who's going to help her figure out?

680
00:31:57,548 --> 00:32:00,752
And and also recognizing that we have
a bunch of different tools, right?

681
00:32:00,752 --> 00:32:01,052
Yeah.

682
00:32:01,052 --> 00:32:06,090
To help people figure out what's
the best way to navigate this and support. 

683
00:32:06,090 --> 00:32:08,626
(music plays)

684
00:32:08,693 --> 00:32:10,094
That's why that training is so important to me.

685
00:32:10,094 --> 00:32:12,730
Like, you know, like I say, for folks
who are watching or listening.

686
00:32:12,730 --> 00:32:17,602
Black Mental Healing Justice
peer support training built in 2016

687
00:32:17,702 --> 00:32:20,405
got a lot of naysayers.

688
00:32:20,405 --> 00:32:22,740
NATALIE: Well, we always had naysayers. 
YOLO: Naysayers about like why?

689
00:32:22,740 --> 00:32:24,676
You know, they're like,
why are you training barbers?

690
00:32:24,676 --> 00:32:26,878
This is before the whole mental
health wave we're in now right?

691
00:32:26,878 --> 00:32:29,981
So I'm talking to community activists,
big mommas, parents, teachers, coaches,

692
00:32:30,214 --> 00:32:32,183
anybody on the street who want to come in

693
00:32:32,183 --> 00:32:34,419
and they were like,
this is this is a make any sense.

694
00:32:34,419 --> 00:32:36,921
And one of my greatest like

695
00:32:36,921 --> 00:32:39,090
one things I'm really proud of
is that we had that,

696
00:32:39,090 --> 00:32:41,492
you know, three year evaluation
when we hired that firm

697
00:32:41,492 --> 00:32:45,163
to really go interview people and say,
are you still using the three years later?

698
00:32:45,229 --> 00:32:46,030
Is this even helpful?

699
00:32:46,030 --> 00:32:49,434
And people saying, this has changed
the way I think about things.

700
00:32:49,434 --> 00:32:52,403
It is still influencing my life.
I'm still using these tools.

701
00:32:52,403 --> 00:32:54,572
I'm still trying
to hold on to this framework.

702
00:32:54,572 --> 00:32:56,307
I read that book you all are saying,

703
00:32:56,307 --> 00:33:00,178
and that means a lot to me
because I know that...I might get emotional.

704
00:33:00,244 --> 00:33:01,012
I know from the

705
00:33:01,012 --> 00:33:04,048
things they share with me
that it's it's having the intended impact

706
00:33:04,048 --> 00:33:06,684
of like helping to shift and create
more love and healing

707
00:33:06,684 --> 00:33:08,619
because that's that's
at the end of the day, like, you know,

708
00:33:08,619 --> 00:33:11,155
you can call it mental health, you can say
mental health, healing justice.

709
00:33:11,155 --> 00:33:14,592
At the end of day, my work is to 
help black people feel more loved.

710
00:33:14,592 --> 00:33:17,362
Help all of us feel more loved.

711
00:33:17,462 --> 00:33:21,165
And I want to just like...you're
making me misty eyed

712
00:33:21,265 --> 00:33:25,870
and my makeup is so cute that I just don't
I cannot continue to go to the tears.

713
00:33:26,104 --> 00:33:28,139
However, um...

714
00:33:28,139 --> 00:33:31,642
I want to give you your flowers because,

715
00:33:31,743 --> 00:33:34,479
you know,
you and a group of other folks created

716
00:33:34,479 --> 00:33:37,215
these really brilliant

717
00:33:37,215 --> 00:33:41,119
curriculum that we share into the world
with our folks.

718
00:33:41,219 --> 00:33:43,821
But I think additionally,

719
00:33:43,921 --> 00:33:44,389
one of the

720
00:33:44,389 --> 00:33:48,593
brilliant things that you did
from the beginning with this institution

721
00:33:48,693 --> 00:33:51,529
was trust your gut

722
00:33:51,529 --> 00:33:54,032
and having a pulse
on what our folks needed.

723
00:33:54,032 --> 00:33:56,134
And I think that's one half of it. Right?

724
00:33:56,134 --> 00:34:00,705
But the other pieces
and then you verified and validated

725
00:34:00,805 --> 00:34:05,877
that what we were doing
was significant statistically, right?

726
00:34:06,077 --> 00:34:10,815
That we have the receipts that say,
actually the work we're doing

727
00:34:10,915 --> 00:34:15,253
is innovative,
actually does make an impact on the daily

728
00:34:15,253 --> 00:34:18,256
lives of the people
who come to our trainings

729
00:34:18,289 --> 00:34:21,159
and who understand this, and not just from
an intellectual perspective.

730
00:34:21,159 --> 00:34:24,595
Because we also always want
folks to be embodied

731
00:34:24,595 --> 00:34:26,297
in the things that we're talking about.

732
00:34:26,297 --> 00:34:28,733
That it’s not just about
intellectualizing mental health,

733
00:34:28,733 --> 00:34:31,069
but about going,
okay, now here's this case study.

734
00:34:31,069 --> 00:34:31,803
YOLO: MM hmm. 

735
00:34:31,803 --> 00:34:35,106
NATALIE: Now, if this were the situation,
what would you do right?

736
00:34:35,339 --> 00:34:38,509
Being able to process through
with a group of people to figure out,

737
00:34:38,509 --> 00:34:41,079
Okay, how do we think about this
and what did we maybe miss

738
00:34:41,079 --> 00:34:42,513
and how could we do this differently?

739
00:34:42,513 --> 00:34:46,184
And I think there's so much brilliance
in the design of so much of our work

740
00:34:46,384 --> 00:34:48,052
and that we're constantly
being innovative,

741
00:34:48,052 --> 00:34:51,355
which I, you know, I obviously
get to be a part of thinking about

742
00:34:51,556 --> 00:34:56,360
how do we think about this different in a
whatever post-pandemic world is. Right?

743
00:34:56,461 --> 00:34:59,630
But thinking about
how do we continue to develop and and also

744
00:34:59,831 --> 00:35:05,636
that we don't have a thought around
who a healer is or is not.

745
00:35:05,703 --> 00:35:06,871
That we're that we don't

746
00:35:06,871 --> 00:35:10,908
discount the folks in our community
who do heavy lifting.

747
00:35:10,908 --> 00:35:11,209
Come on now.

748
00:35:11,209 --> 00:35:14,212
Now, in terms
of stabilizing our communities,

749
00:35:14,212 --> 00:35:18,449
we recognize that beauticians and barbers
and community activist

750
00:35:18,449 --> 00:35:20,017
and the homie around the corner...

751
00:35:20,017 --> 00:35:21,619
we recognize that everybody is doing something. 

752
00:35:22,353 --> 00:35:25,490
That's an important piece now. 
I’m really glad you brought that up

753
00:35:25,490 --> 00:35:29,060
because like...we like,
because we all have healing work to do

754
00:35:29,060 --> 00:35:31,896
We all, when we're all engaged
and doing our little part

755
00:35:31,896 --> 00:35:33,931
Doesn’t mean that like
we all got to be therapists, right?

756
00:35:33,931 --> 00:35:36,868
Honey, everybody don't be a therapist.
But it's not your job.

757
00:35:36,868 --> 00:35:42,173
But it's about like in my role as a barber
and my role as a teacher.

758
00:35:42,273 --> 00:35:48,146
How do I create space for for wellness,
for for affirmation, for care,

759
00:35:48,146 --> 00:35:51,883
for affirmation of the different ways
all the people in my life will show up

760
00:35:51,949 --> 00:35:54,952
for supporting other boundaries,
supporting love.

761
00:35:55,019 --> 00:35:58,322
What do I do from where I'm at? 
Whether I'm the camera person,

762
00:35:58,322 --> 00:36:01,292
whether I'm a photographer,
whether I'm a gardener, how do I do that?

763
00:36:01,392 --> 00:36:03,060
And when we start thinking like that,
we're like, Oh,

764
00:36:03,060 --> 00:36:05,329
now all of a sudden
we've got a whole village of folks

765
00:36:05,329 --> 00:36:06,430
who all are like, Oh, Ben,

766
00:36:06,430 --> 00:36:08,132
you know, you saw Susie,
you had to go check on Susie.

767
00:36:08,132 --> 00:36:10,535
You know,
we're all now doing this collectively,

768
00:36:10,535 --> 00:36:13,471
which is what is ingrained in our DNA
as black people.

769
00:36:13,471 --> 00:36:15,840
NATALIE: It's always what we've done. 
YOLO: As descendants of Africans, right.

770
00:36:15,840 --> 00:36:17,542
That is a part of who we are.

771
00:36:17,542 --> 00:36:21,245
And so it's about to me,
it's about some reclamation

772
00:36:21,312 --> 00:36:25,883
of some of our collectivism away
from this model that says that only these

773
00:36:25,883 --> 00:36:30,388
you send somebody away to get that done
and you ain't responsible.

774
00:36:30,488 --> 00:36:34,992
Mom, dad, uncle, cousin, whoever about how
you show up with people. You know?

775
00:36:34,992 --> 00:36:38,262
(music plays)

776
00:36:38,896 --> 00:36:40,464
And so um...

777
00:36:40,464 --> 00:36:42,767
I just, I just, I...

778
00:36:42,767 --> 00:36:45,836
have a lot of feelings on the topic,
but I think it's so important to say to

779
00:36:45,836 --> 00:36:50,675
all our folks, in particularly, like I'm
thinking about now and this moment where

780
00:36:50,741 --> 00:36:52,643
so many attacks on trans and queer folks

781
00:36:52,643 --> 00:36:56,347
on trans and queer kids

782
00:36:56,414 --> 00:36:59,217
So many, you know,

783
00:36:59,217 --> 00:37:02,853
black folks, young, of all ages
who are struggling with wanting to be here.

784
00:37:02,920 --> 00:37:04,488
You know?

785
00:37:04,488 --> 00:37:07,325
I really hope

786
00:37:11,963 --> 00:37:14,265
I want you to know

787
00:37:14,265 --> 00:37:18,869
that I know what it feels like
not to want to be here.

788
00:37:18,936 --> 00:37:21,939
That there is nothing wrong with feeling
like you don't want to be here.

789
00:37:21,939 --> 00:37:27,311
That is a feeling
that is legitimate and hard, but real.

790
00:37:27,378 --> 00:37:28,980
That what you that

791
00:37:28,980 --> 00:37:32,316
you are not wrong or bad
because you can't push through

792
00:37:32,383 --> 00:37:34,986
because you ain't got it together
right now.

793
00:37:34,986 --> 00:37:38,589
That's not.
It's...nothing wrong with you.

794
00:37:38,656 --> 00:37:39,724
And that

795
00:37:39,724 --> 00:37:42,727
there are ways to help alleviate the pain.

796
00:37:42,893 --> 00:37:45,529
There are people who who can support you.

797
00:37:45,529 --> 00:37:47,865
There are practices.

798
00:37:47,865 --> 00:37:51,569
I just want our folks to know that.

799
00:37:51,636 --> 00:37:55,273
I want you to know that
we built a whole institution

800
00:37:55,339 --> 00:37:57,842
to help our folks know that.

801
00:37:57,842 --> 00:38:00,211
And if you are listening to someone,
if you have someone in your life

802
00:38:00,211 --> 00:38:03,814
that's grappling with that,
I want to invite you to think about

803
00:38:03,814 --> 00:38:07,485
how you can be more caring and supportive,
even if it's just being a listening ear.

804
00:38:07,585 --> 00:38:10,321
Some of the most powerful interventions
people have done for me around

805
00:38:10,321 --> 00:38:14,058
my depression has not been, Oh,
I came and did CBT and DBT with you...

806
00:38:14,058 --> 00:38:14,759
No, no, that wasn't...

807
00:38:14,759 --> 00:38:17,628
It wasn’t those pieces.
Those are interventions,

808
00:38:17,628 --> 00:38:19,630
mental health interventions, people
who are not familiar.

809
00:38:19,630 --> 00:38:22,633
Some of the most powerful interventions
I've done, and even I've had said

810
00:38:22,633 --> 00:38:25,403
that I've done for other folks
that have been like, “Wow, really powerful.”

811
00:38:25,403 --> 00:38:29,573
And it's one, I know from this one
kid in Atlanta years ago struggling

812
00:38:29,807 --> 00:38:30,541
and he said,

813
00:38:30,541 --> 00:38:34,345
Can you come play video games with me
and just sit on the porch with me?

814
00:38:34,412 --> 00:38:36,947
Because I was really worried about it.

815
00:38:38,883 --> 00:38:41,252
And that was against like what
I was supposed to be doing.

816
00:38:41,252 --> 00:38:43,654
NATALIE: Policy was broken. 
YOLO: Policy was broken.

817
00:38:43,654 --> 00:38:45,589
And, you know, like,
that's what it is, what it is.

818
00:38:45,589 --> 00:38:48,559
But he's still here.

819
00:38:48,559 --> 00:38:50,394
We got to break some of these policies
and fight

820
00:38:50,394 --> 00:38:54,031
against these systems to reimagine care,
to make sure our folks are good.

821
00:38:54,098 --> 00:38:56,367
Because if I had been like,
you know what, no,

822
00:38:56,367 --> 00:38:57,868
I can't do sit on the porch with you.

823
00:38:57,868 --> 00:38:59,737
I can't do that because that's not my job.

824
00:38:59,737 --> 00:39:01,539
Like my job is to support your well-being.

825
00:39:01,539 --> 00:39:05,076
So I'm finna suck at Mario Cart for an hour
because I am not good at it.

826
00:39:05,076 --> 00:39:06,711
I know you...it wasn’t good.

827
00:39:07,211 --> 00:39:08,879
Because if somebody called me 
and said, can I play video games

828
00:39:08,879 --> 00:39:12,917
I'd be like, ah damn, I’m ‘bout to lose bad. 
Bout to lose bad.

829
00:39:12,917 --> 00:39:14,418
But I would do it.

830
00:39:14,518 --> 00:39:15,653
NATALIE: We gon’ be there. 

831
00:39:15,653 --> 00:39:17,755
YOLO: Because sometimes you need 
the presence and I get that.

832
00:39:17,755 --> 00:39:19,290
And so I want to invite you.

833
00:39:19,290 --> 00:39:21,192
If you are supporting
someone that you care about,

834
00:39:21,192 --> 00:39:25,062
you see someone to just practice,
presence, practice listening.

835
00:39:25,129 --> 00:39:28,366
And that that in of itself is sometimes
so much and most times enough.

836
00:39:28,366 --> 00:39:30,034
NATALIE: And most times enough.

837
00:39:30,034 --> 00:39:30,901
Yeah, yeah.

838
00:39:30,901 --> 00:39:31,268
Right.

839
00:39:31,268 --> 00:39:36,240
Just knowing that somebody will be with us
through the thing and that they will say

840
00:39:36,407 --> 00:39:41,645
I text my best friend this morning
and I said, tell me I can do it.

841
00:39:41,746 --> 00:39:42,279
And she said,

842
00:39:42,279 --> 00:39:45,950
not only can you do you
not only can you do it,

843
00:39:46,050 --> 00:39:50,788
you can do anything you want to do
whenever you want to do it.

844
00:39:50,855 --> 00:39:53,057
And I just think about like,
that's community care, right?

845
00:39:53,057 --> 00:39:56,394
Is sometimes just saying, hey,

846
00:39:56,460 --> 00:40:00,331
like, I don't I need something
and I don't know what it is,

847
00:40:00,398 --> 00:40:03,401
but will you be with me while I find it?

848
00:40:03,501 --> 00:40:06,670
And like, what if that's the way
we showed up with each other?

849
00:40:06,704 --> 00:40:08,739
YOLO: Mm mm mm.

850
00:40:08,739 --> 00:40:11,041
And so to anyone who's listening,

851
00:40:11,041 --> 00:40:13,444
if you are in this moment,
because we've been there,

852
00:40:13,444 --> 00:40:16,247
we've been there, we've been there,
if you are in this moment

853
00:40:16,247 --> 00:40:20,050
where you're going,
I don't know if I should be here anymore

854
00:40:20,117 --> 00:40:23,320
I want you to know not only should
you be here, you are worthy

855
00:40:23,320 --> 00:40:26,690
to be here, that the world is better
because you're here.

856
00:40:29,527 --> 00:40:33,030
The world is better because you are here.

857
00:40:33,097 --> 00:40:36,100
And there are folks
working to make this world

858
00:40:36,100 --> 00:40:41,138
more livable for us
to make it worthy of our presence.

859
00:40:41,205 --> 00:40:41,972
Because there is...

860
00:40:41,972 --> 00:40:44,542
there is so much

861
00:40:44,542 --> 00:40:48,412
that our folks deserve that we don't have.

862
00:40:49,713 --> 00:40:54,318
And and I'm not okay with that.

863
00:40:54,418 --> 00:40:56,554
I'm not okay with it.

864
00:40:57,154 --> 00:40:59,223
So we have been crybabies.

865
00:40:59,223 --> 00:41:01,358
We've been the crying babies.

866
00:41:01,358 --> 00:41:04,495
I want to say one piece too, because
I feel like this comes into play, too.

867
00:41:04,495 --> 00:41:08,666
And I've been in this place
where I've struggled

868
00:41:09,967 --> 00:41:11,068
This nuance

869
00:41:11,068 --> 00:41:14,071
now like, sometimes we don't

870
00:41:14,071 --> 00:41:15,973
have it to give.

871
00:41:19,410 --> 00:41:20,244
And for me,

872
00:41:20,244 --> 00:41:25,249
there are just moments
I don't have it to give.

873
00:41:25,349 --> 00:41:29,887
And what I've had to do for me
is to make space around

874
00:41:29,887 --> 00:41:32,890
me, to have other people
to give, to help people.

875
00:41:32,890 --> 00:41:34,058
But I'm like, I can't.

876
00:41:34,058 --> 00:41:35,392
I don't have because I feel guilt

877
00:41:35,392 --> 00:41:38,395
that we can't be all things
to all people all the time.

878
00:41:38,529 --> 00:41:42,700
And so for me, it's important
to build a network as we have done.

879
00:41:42,766 --> 00:41:46,704
I now have,
because maybe I'm struggling that day.

880
00:41:46,770 --> 00:41:47,505
I don't have it.

881
00:41:47,505 --> 00:41:50,541
But here I'm going to make sure you get to
someone who can give it to you,

882
00:41:50,541 --> 00:41:52,710
who can support you.  
That's how we build community care.

883
00:41:52,710 --> 00:41:53,811
It's like, you know what?

884
00:41:53,811 --> 00:41:54,578
I'mma drive you down

885
00:41:54,578 --> 00:41:56,714
to talk to pastor because I don't have it.

886
00:41:56,714 --> 00:41:58,749
I’mma drive you down to talk to big mama,
because I don't have it.

887
00:41:58,749 --> 00:42:00,684
But I care about you.
NATALIE: But here's what I could do.

888
00:42:00,684 --> 00:42:03,420
This is what I can do is what I can do,

889
00:42:03,420 --> 00:42:06,323
because I may not know how to do that,
but maybe I know how to make you a pot

890
00:42:06,323 --> 00:42:06,957
of greens.

891
00:42:06,957 --> 00:42:08,359
Mm hmm.

892
00:42:08,359 --> 00:42:10,928
It's about. It's about.

893
00:42:10,928 --> 00:42:12,530
Can we contribute something?

894
00:42:12,530 --> 00:42:13,564
Yes, exactly.

895
00:42:13,564 --> 00:42:15,599
But we don't have to have
all of the answers.

896
00:42:15,599 --> 00:42:17,401
We don't have to know all of the things.

897
00:42:17,401 --> 00:42:20,404
But what do we know?

898
00:42:20,671 --> 00:42:22,172
What do we have?

899
00:42:22,172 --> 00:42:25,809
And do we have a willingness
to offer it to our community,

900
00:42:25,876 --> 00:42:29,613
to folks we love with the hope

901
00:42:29,680 --> 00:42:31,849
that it can improve something, right?

902
00:42:31,849 --> 00:42:34,151
I don't always have to have the answer

903
00:42:34,151 --> 00:42:38,522
But I have to have the willingness,
I believe, to be in community,

904
00:42:38,589 --> 00:42:42,993
to manage myself in a way
that when I see people struggling,

905
00:42:43,260 --> 00:42:49,366
I see that as distress
and not as attitude, not as rejection,

906
00:42:49,466 --> 00:42:51,802
but that I actually see, oh,

907
00:42:51,802 --> 00:42:55,472
if you showing up this way,
oh, what's happening?

908
00:42:56,173 --> 00:43:00,311
And that I am a person
who people can check in with. 
YOLO: Yes.

909
00:43:00,377 --> 00:43:00,678
Right.

910
00:43:00,678 --> 00:43:05,115
That I am a safe space that where I am
because I'm there

911
00:43:05,215 --> 00:43:06,584
It is now safer.

912
00:43:06,584 --> 00:43:10,487
And I think about
what if we all were just 1% more of that?

913
00:43:10,521 --> 00:43:13,257
YOLO: Yeah. Yeah, yeah. 
NATALIE: Like we have 1%.

914
00:43:13,257 --> 00:43:14,525
Could we do that?

915
00:43:14,525 --> 00:43:17,494
But it's not, you know,
I think even safety is one piece of it now

916
00:43:17,494 --> 00:43:19,196
that but I would say one thing that like,
you know,

917
00:43:19,196 --> 00:43:24,101
being your friend, being your partner,
collaborator, coconspirator,

918
00:43:24,301 --> 00:43:28,606
on many projects, I
think that like what I experience from you

919
00:43:28,606 --> 00:43:32,242
is you invite folks to be brighter.

920
00:43:32,843 --> 00:43:36,180
Like you come into space and say, 
Here, look at my light.

921
00:43:36,180 --> 00:43:39,149
I want to see, what’s your light?
Show me your light.

922
00:43:39,149 --> 00:43:40,484
And it encourages folks.

923
00:43:40,484 --> 00:43:44,288
And even when folks are like,
I want to shine, they're excited

924
00:43:44,355 --> 00:43:47,691
about the past because you give
that you give the invitation to shine,

925
00:43:47,791 --> 00:43:49,026
to be bolder.

926
00:43:49,026 --> 00:43:51,095
And people need that
because know they don't get invited.

927
00:43:51,095 --> 00:43:52,062
A lot people don't get invited.

928
00:43:52,062 --> 00:43:56,867
Baby sometimes them invitations is dry!
And I'd be like, Is there a party?

929
00:43:56,934 --> 00:43:59,870
Should we make one? Let's do the thing.

930
00:43:59,870 --> 00:44:02,940
So that's just one piece is giving you
your flowers that you consistently

931
00:44:02,940 --> 00:44:04,608
do through your art,
through your teaching

932
00:44:04,608 --> 00:44:07,645
your facilitation, your peer coun...
all those things that you do

933
00:44:07,711 --> 00:44:12,916
Is you invite folks to shine
and you invite women, black women to shine.

934
00:44:13,017 --> 00:44:15,019
You invite black men to shine, to show up.

935
00:44:15,019 --> 00:44:16,854
You invite all of us.

936
00:44:16,854 --> 00:44:20,457
And so I hope you hold that and know that
and that we see you shining.

937
00:44:20,658 --> 00:44:23,427
And then we're like,
I want to shine like that.

938
00:44:23,494 --> 00:44:26,430
That means so much to me.

939
00:44:26,430 --> 00:44:29,233
(music plays)

940
00:44:29,299 --> 00:44:33,470
So this is a
this has been an episode.

941
00:44:33,570 --> 00:44:36,640
I'm wondering what affirmations
you are thinking.

942
00:44:36,640 --> 00:44:39,810
If you have any affirmations
to close us out

943
00:44:39,810 --> 00:44:41,145
for our time together.

944
00:44:43,681 --> 00:44:46,583
I'm thinking about that...

945
00:45:09,139 --> 00:45:11,041
Yeah, that's what I want to affirm.

946
00:45:13,177 --> 00:45:17,181
I love that. 
I want to affirm that...

947
00:45:23,821 --> 00:45:27,291
I want to affirm that we have already,
as black people,

948
00:45:27,291 --> 00:45:30,327
as African folks across the world,
reimagine the world

949
00:45:30,527 --> 00:45:34,798
when they told us that it will never be
the color section will always be there.

950
00:45:35,032 --> 00:45:36,133
When they told us

951
00:45:36,133 --> 00:45:39,303
that gay folks can never get married,
when they told us all these things.

952
00:45:39,303 --> 00:45:39,636
And guess what?

953
00:45:39,636 --> 00:45:41,905
We said no, we get to fucking re-imagine

954
00:45:41,905 --> 00:45:44,541
and we can fucking do this
better than you've done it.

955
00:45:44,541 --> 00:45:48,178
And I tell everybody who is struggling
with the mental health industrial complex

956
00:45:48,178 --> 00:45:50,981
with these systems,
guess what? We get to reimagine it.

957
00:45:50,981 --> 00:45:52,583
We get to tell them that, no,

958
00:45:52,583 --> 00:45:56,787
we don't get your tired ass, corny ass,
empty pathology based systems.

959
00:45:56,787 --> 00:45:58,756
We're not interested anymore.

960
00:45:58,756 --> 00:45:59,790
We can do better.

961
00:45:59,790 --> 00:46:01,592
We can be more loving
and more imaginative,

962
00:46:01,592 --> 00:46:02,726
and we're going to do it together.

963
00:46:02,726 --> 00:46:07,698
And the tea is we been doing it.

964
00:46:07,798 --> 00:46:10,634
And so now let's systematize it.

965
00:46:10,634 --> 00:46:17,107
Let’s stop accepting mediocre things when we know
what we are actually worthy of.

966
00:46:17,107 --> 00:46:20,010
Yeah. Thank you, my friend.

967
00:46:20,010 --> 00:46:21,178
Thank you, I love you.

968
00:46:21,178 --> 00:46:23,514
I love you too.

969
00:46:27,718 --> 00:46:32,923
Um, y'all don't want to clap?

970
00:46:33,023 --> 00:46:34,358
Kidding.

971
00:46:34,358 --> 00:46:34,858
I'm kidding.

972
00:46:34,858 --> 00:46:40,998
OFF CAMERA: I know they want to go right into a clap
because I want to know the energy

973
00:46:41,098 --> 00:46:43,033
OFF CAMERA: Beyond..

974
00:46:43,033 --> 00:46:48,338
OFF CAMERA: I was doing it a disservice
just by saying, Oh, uh,

975
00:46:48,405 --> 00:46:51,642
OFF CAMERA: I'm kind of jumping in because

976
00:46:51,742 --> 00:46:53,410
OFF CAMERA: this is some special me,

977
00:46:53,410 --> 00:46:58,982
OFF CAMERA: because I've had moments
where I didn't know what I was feeling.

978
00:46:59,049 --> 00:47:03,720
OFF CAMERA: You know, like, maybe you

979
00:47:03,787 --> 00:47:06,256
OFF CAMERA: haven't figured out what's

980
00:47:08,792 --> 00:47:11,962
OFF CAMERA: I remember just calling my wife now.

981
00:47:12,196 --> 00:47:15,933
OFF CAMERA: We were separate at the time,
but I remember calling her like,

982
00:47:15,999 --> 00:47:18,168
OFF CAMERA: but I don't know what's going on
right now,

983
00:47:18,168 --> 00:47:21,672
OFF CAMERA: and it scares me, you know?

984
00:47:21,738 --> 00:47:26,944
OFF CAMERA: So this episode was the one for me,

985
00:47:27,010 --> 00:47:32,516
OFF CAMERA: and I appreciate that.

986
00:47:39,122 --> 00:47:44,394
(music plays)

987
00:47:45,229 --> 00:47:48,098
Oh, hey, what's up, everybody? 
This is Yolo, and I'm here

988
00:47:48,098 --> 00:47:52,502
back again with some more tools
that we can use for our healing journey.

989
00:47:52,569 --> 00:47:54,938
And this time I want to talk about books.

990
00:47:54,938 --> 00:47:57,007
Sometimes we may not be ready for therapy.

991
00:47:57,007 --> 00:47:58,175
Or may not feel comfortable

992
00:47:58,175 --> 00:48:00,577
going to a peer support
or healing circle,

993
00:48:00,577 --> 00:48:04,081
but books can be a great segue way
to help us learn about our healing,

994
00:48:04,081 --> 00:48:05,315
to learn about wellness

995
00:48:05,315 --> 00:48:08,952
and learn about mental health,
and just engage us as we continue to grow.

996
00:48:09,019 --> 00:48:11,255
So I have some recommendations here.

997
00:48:11,321 --> 00:48:13,557
Our first recommendation is Homecoming.

998
00:48:13,557 --> 00:48:15,158
It's by Dr. Thema Bryant. 

999
00:48:15,158 --> 00:48:17,160
It’s a great book for someone 
who's looking to begin

1000
00:48:17,327 --> 00:48:19,363
exploring that healing journey.

1001
00:48:19,363 --> 00:48:23,166
Also have a classic,
particularly for men and masculine folks,

1002
00:48:23,233 --> 00:48:24,301
The Will To Change

1003
00:48:24,301 --> 00:48:27,371
Men, Masculinity and
Love by the incomparable Bell Hooks.

1004
00:48:27,471 --> 00:48:28,639
Check it out.

1005
00:48:28,639 --> 00:48:30,741
My Grandmother's Hands is a classic.

1006
00:48:30,741 --> 00:48:33,377
You will find a lot of healers
who want to talk about this book.

1007
00:48:33,377 --> 00:48:35,812
It has a really great opportunity
to think about the body,

1008
00:48:35,812 --> 00:48:38,582
talk about the history of trauma
and wellness in our country.

1009
00:48:38,582 --> 00:48:39,883
By Resmaa Menakem. 

1010
00:48:39,883 --> 00:48:41,551
Definitely recommend this one.

1011
00:48:41,551 --> 00:48:46,924
And we also have...
Tarana Burke and Brené Brown's anthology

1012
00:48:46,924 --> 00:48:51,428
You Are Your Best Thing, which features
a whole plethora of amazing black authors,

1013
00:48:51,461 --> 00:48:55,198
activists and writers,
including me, it’s a little bit selfish.

1014
00:48:55,265 --> 00:48:57,968
And last but not least,
an honorary mention that I only mention

1015
00:48:57,968 --> 00:49:00,971
because this is an exceptional book
for those who really want that critical

1016
00:49:00,971 --> 00:49:03,840
systematic lens
and approach to mental health.

1017
00:49:03,840 --> 00:49:06,343
Dr. James Davies,
who is not a black person

1018
00:49:06,343 --> 00:49:07,844
but wrote a really amazing book called

1019
00:49:07,844 --> 00:49:11,381
Sedated: How Modern Capitalism
Created Our Mental Health Crisis.

1020
00:49:11,615 --> 00:49:14,618
If you want to go hard,
you want to check this book out.

1021
00:49:14,818 --> 00:49:16,253
These are some of our recommendations.

1022
00:49:16,253 --> 00:49:18,488
You can find them
and more at BEAM.community