1 00:00:00,200 --> 00:00:10,560 Marcus Aurelius was a Roman Emperor from the year  161 until his death in 180 AD. He was a calm and 2 00:00:10,560 --> 00:00:17,840 peaceful Ruler - it’s no wonder that he was known  as the last ruler from a line later known as ‘The 3 00:00:17,840 --> 00:00:26,520 Five Good Emperors.’ He himself has once famously  said: ‘It isn’t manly to be enraged. Rather, 4 00:00:26,520 --> 00:00:33,840 gentleness and civility are more human, and  therefore manlier. The nearer a man comes to 5 00:00:33,840 --> 00:00:41,800 a calm mind, the closer he is to strength.’  He believed in peace as strength rather than 6 00:00:41,800 --> 00:00:49,080 war or fighting. During his rule, Aurelius wrote  the - now very famous - ‘Meditations.’ in which 7 00:00:49,080 --> 00:00:55,520 he wrote extensively on the topic of controlling  one's emotions. Aurelius' writings on controlling 8 00:00:55,520 --> 00:01:02,000 one's emotions revolve around the Stoic philosophy  of rationality, self-awareness, and acceptance of 9 00:01:02,000 --> 00:01:07,720 the natural order. By recognizing the power  of our own minds and choosing our responses 10 00:01:07,720 --> 00:01:15,040 to external events, we can achieve greater  emotional control and inner tranquility. 11 00:01:15,040 --> 00:01:21,000 The philosophy of stoicism that Aurelius  lived by involves discipline, justice, 12 00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:26,600 fairness, and having a great deal of  control of yourself - more specifically, 13 00:01:26,600 --> 00:01:32,120 your emotions. His Stoic mindset managed  to get Aurelius through many deaths and 14 00:01:32,120 --> 00:01:37,240 hardships in his life, including Roman  battles with other Empires and an Antonine 15 00:01:37,240 --> 00:01:42,960 plague hitting and devastating his Empire.  In this video we’ll teach you how to control 16 00:01:42,960 --> 00:01:50,160 your emotions by following the advice of  legendary stoic philosopher Marcus Aurelius. 17 00:01:51,840 --> 00:01:54,600 Accept Your Fate 18 00:01:54,600 --> 00:02:04,920 Marcus Aurelius says ‘You have been formed of  three parts—body, breath, and mind. Of these, 19 00:02:04,920 --> 00:02:14,160 the first two are yours insofar as they are only  in your care. The third alone is truly yours.’ 20 00:02:14,160 --> 00:02:19,480 According to Aurelius, fate describes all  the circumstances that you unwillingly 21 00:02:19,480 --> 00:02:27,360 find yourself in; sometimes life just happens to  you. It is what it is. So when you accept fate, 22 00:02:27,360 --> 00:02:31,200 you accept the fact that you  can’t control how life goes, 23 00:02:31,200 --> 00:02:38,080 no matter how hard you try. So try to distance  yourself from the thought that your life needs 24 00:02:38,080 --> 00:02:43,880 to go a certain way in order for you to be  truly happy or successful in it. Those who 25 00:02:43,880 --> 00:02:49,440 think this fact will probably live their entire  lives being miserable, because life didn’t turn 26 00:02:49,440 --> 00:02:55,600 out the exact way they wanted it to, and they  probably blame themselves for it, as well. 27 00:02:55,600 --> 00:03:03,000 So, instead, try to be truly honest with yourself  about what you can control and what you can’t. For 28 00:03:03,000 --> 00:03:09,800 example, bad traffic, bad weather, or even someone  close to you dying are all things that can greatly 29 00:03:09,800 --> 00:03:16,960 affect your life, but you have no control over  whatsoever - whenever anything bad happens to you, 30 00:03:16,960 --> 00:03:24,520 you can’t do anything but accept it. But there  are things you can control: how early you leave 31 00:03:24,520 --> 00:03:31,200 your home, your reaction to events, your  thoughts and, yes, even your emotions. Now, 32 00:03:31,200 --> 00:03:36,000 it is important to note that Aurelius didn’t  recommend for us to do nothing and just let 33 00:03:36,000 --> 00:03:42,960 life happen to us. We can absolutely have goals,  work towards them, try things out, et cetera. But 34 00:03:42,960 --> 00:03:47,960 it’s important to realize that things might  not turn out the way we want them to, and we 35 00:03:47,960 --> 00:03:56,120 need to accept this fact before we start working  towards a certain goal. But how do we accept fate? 36 00:03:56,120 --> 00:04:01,720 A different but equally brilliant quote  by Marcus Aurelius goes as follows: 37 00:04:01,720 --> 00:04:07,480 ‘‘Try praying differently, and see what  happens: Instead of asking for ‘a way to 38 00:04:07,480 --> 00:04:13,240 sleep with her,’ try asking for ‘a way  to stop desiring to sleep with her.’ 39 00:04:13,240 --> 00:04:20,080 Instead of ‘a way to get rid of him,’ try  asking for ‘a way to not crave his demise.’ 40 00:04:20,080 --> 00:04:26,120 Instead of ‘a way to not lose my child,’  try asking for ‘a way to lose my fear of 41 00:04:26,120 --> 00:04:33,840 it.’’ This quote perfectly describes how  Aurelius recommends you deal with fate. 42 00:04:33,840 --> 00:04:39,200 Whenever you wish life to go a certain  way, you are trying to control fate, 43 00:04:39,200 --> 00:04:45,120 and you will most likely end up disappointed in  one way or another. But if you try to control 44 00:04:45,120 --> 00:04:51,520 your emotions instead, you’ll find that life  becomes much more bearable. In other words: 45 00:04:51,520 --> 00:04:58,120 when life doesn’t match your desires, work on  changing your desires. So, whenever you find 46 00:04:58,120 --> 00:05:04,240 yourself in a situation that causes intense  emotions to bubble up, try to ask yourself: 47 00:05:04,240 --> 00:05:11,240 what can I control? Whatever you can control  is a reason to act. Whatever you can’t control, 48 00:05:11,240 --> 00:05:16,320 you should try to accept and think of how  you are going to act in the face of it. 49 00:05:16,320 --> 00:05:21,800 For example, if you find yourself being fired,  do not curse the world for letting this happen to 50 00:05:21,800 --> 00:05:28,240 you, but train your mind to overcome it quickly.  You can’t change the fact that you were fired, but 51 00:05:28,240 --> 00:05:34,240 you can try to look for positives in everything:  is there a job you’ve always wanted to do? Can you 52 00:05:34,240 --> 00:05:39,840 try to find something with better hours? Or find  a job that will teach you something new? Or you 53 00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:46,560 can spend the coming few weeks enjoying some spare  time before you start your search? In other words: 54 00:05:46,560 --> 00:05:53,840 accept the fact that you lost your job, and  positively try to consider your options now. 55 00:05:53,840 --> 00:05:59,560 By accepting fate and looking for positives  or opportunities in hardships instead of 56 00:05:59,560 --> 00:06:04,720 clinging to our precious desires, we will  find that we have a great influence over 57 00:06:04,720 --> 00:06:11,680 our emotions. The way we think about things  shapes the way we feel about things. Thus, 58 00:06:11,680 --> 00:06:16,440 accepting fate helps us control our emotions. 59 00:06:17,720 --> 00:06:20,600 Challenge Your Perspective 60 00:06:20,600 --> 00:06:24,080 In the words of Marcus Aurelius “The happiness of 61 00:06:24,080 --> 00:06:28,720 your life depends upon the  quality of your thoughts.” 62 00:06:28,720 --> 00:06:35,800 The best way to start accepting your fate is by  learning to challenge your perspective on events. 63 00:06:35,800 --> 00:06:41,880 Everything that happens to us evokes emotions. In  turn, these emotions cause us to see situations in 64 00:06:41,880 --> 00:06:49,000 a certain light, act a certain way, think certain  thoughts, and so on - often in ways that are 65 00:06:49,000 --> 00:06:56,160 destructive or unhelpful to ourselves. To avoid  this, it’s important to start to challenge the 66 00:06:56,160 --> 00:07:01,720 thoughts these emotions evoke and the thoughts  they bring with them as soon as they pop up. 67 00:07:01,720 --> 00:07:07,800 Firstly, it’s important to note that challenging  or trying not to act on certain emotions doesn’t 68 00:07:07,800 --> 00:07:13,720 mean ignoring them. In other words, to shove  those feelings down, pretend to not have them, 69 00:07:13,720 --> 00:07:18,800 and make sure not to pay them any attention  - like ignoring an attention-seeking child 70 00:07:18,800 --> 00:07:24,480 in the hopes they’ll calm down. And while  that strategy might work on some children, 71 00:07:24,480 --> 00:07:31,280 it won’t do so on your emotions. The problem with  ignoring your emotions is that, unlike a child, 72 00:07:31,280 --> 00:07:36,320 you can’t explain your reasoning to your  feelings! Most of the time, there’s a reason 73 00:07:36,320 --> 00:07:42,600 for your emotions, and when there is a reason  for something, ignoring it won’t make it go away. 74 00:07:42,600 --> 00:07:45,440 Emotions are, although often illogical, 75 00:07:45,440 --> 00:07:52,160 a natural response to our circumstances and the  world around us. They cannot be willed away; 76 00:07:52,160 --> 00:07:57,800 they have to be acknowledged and even cared  for. And this is what you can control: 77 00:07:57,800 --> 00:08:04,840 your perspective on those emotions. But paying  attention to them doesn’t mean giving in to 78 00:08:04,840 --> 00:08:13,280 them! Instead, observe them, accept their  existence, and then challenge them. How? 79 00:08:13,280 --> 00:08:18,320 By looking for the positive in everything  that feels negative! So, for example, 80 00:08:18,320 --> 00:08:24,000 think of every obstacle as an opportunity,  every challenge as a chance to prove yourself, 81 00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:31,680 and every unlucky moment as a funny memory for  later. The stoics were very, very good at forming 82 00:08:31,680 --> 00:08:38,480 a positive perspective on everything. A more  straight-forward guide to doing this is by asking 83 00:08:38,480 --> 00:08:42,200 yourself the following questions: Why does this make me 84 00:08:42,200 --> 00:08:48,600 feel angry/stressed/frustrated? What conclusions do I draw as a result? 85 00:08:48,600 --> 00:08:52,880 Is there a more positive way  to interpret this situation? 86 00:08:52,880 --> 00:08:58,120 For example, think of someone who’s had a fight  with their partner about something important and 87 00:08:58,120 --> 00:09:04,640 feels their partner is being unreasonable. They  might feel angry and frustrated, and have thoughts 88 00:09:04,640 --> 00:09:10,080 such as ‘I guess our relationship isn’t working  out’ or ‘They don’t understand me as well as I 89 00:09:10,080 --> 00:09:17,440 thought they did.’ But such a conclusion, in turn,  only intensifies the anger, frustration, and can 90 00:09:17,440 --> 00:09:23,960 even ignite sadness and cause that person to get  more upset than they already were. So now, let’s 91 00:09:23,960 --> 00:09:29,240 see what would happen if they asked themselves  the three questions we mentioned earlier. The 92 00:09:29,240 --> 00:09:33,880 first two have already been answered - and it’s  good for the person themselves to get clear on 93 00:09:33,880 --> 00:09:40,600 that as well. But the last question is where the  most important work takes place: how can they turn 94 00:09:40,600 --> 00:09:47,000 this around? Well, instead of thinking about the  end of the relationship, think about how resolving 95 00:09:47,000 --> 00:09:52,840 this issue together can make the relationship  stronger! And instead of thinking that your 96 00:09:52,840 --> 00:09:58,640 partner just doesn’t understand you, see this as  an opportunity to get to know each other better. 97 00:09:58,640 --> 00:10:04,720 Your partner might not understand your point of  view, but you don’t understand theirs either! So 98 00:10:04,720 --> 00:10:10,040 think about why they said what they said. What  must they have been feeling? What could their 99 00:10:10,040 --> 00:10:15,720 reasoning have been? And how did you come across  to them - could there be a misunderstanding, 100 00:10:15,720 --> 00:10:21,320 could they have misinterpreted you? Between any  relationship, the answers to these questions 101 00:10:21,320 --> 00:10:27,520 are often much milder than expected, and you’ll  find that the solution to a fight is much closer 102 00:10:27,520 --> 00:10:33,920 and easier than anticipated. As a result, you  understand each other better, and you’ve made 103 00:10:33,920 --> 00:10:41,440 your relationship stronger - both very positive  thoughts! Aurelius had a very helpful quote on 104 00:10:41,440 --> 00:10:48,320 trying to understand others: ‘Whenever someone  has done wrong by you, immediately consider what 105 00:10:48,320 --> 00:10:55,040 notion of good or evil they had in doing it.  For when you see that, you’ll feel compassion, 106 00:10:55,040 --> 00:11:02,240 instead of astonishment or rage.’ Thinking about  someone else’s perspective is a wonderful way to 107 00:11:02,240 --> 00:11:07,440 start forming positive thoughts about your  seemingly negative interactions with them. 108 00:11:07,440 --> 00:11:11,200 If you think rationally and change your  perspective on your situation and your 109 00:11:11,200 --> 00:11:17,160 thoughts first, your emotions  will follow. It works like this: 110 00:11:17,160 --> 00:11:21,680 if your thoughts are predominantly  negative, you'll likely feel worse, 111 00:11:21,680 --> 00:11:28,200 but if you steer your thoughts toward the  positive, your emotional state will improve. Every 112 00:11:28,200 --> 00:11:33,600 situation can be interpreted in multiple ways  - and there’s always a more positive or a more 113 00:11:33,600 --> 00:11:40,680 negative way to look at it. By controlling  your thoughts you control your emotions! 114 00:11:42,160 --> 00:11:45,800 Practice Negative Visualization 115 00:11:45,800 --> 00:11:50,680 Aurelius advises us ‘In the  morning say to yourself, 116 00:11:50,680 --> 00:11:57,560 today I shall have to deal with an idle  curious man, with an unthankful man, 117 00:11:57,560 --> 00:12:06,600 a railer, a crafty, false, or an envious  man; an unsociable, uncharitable man.’ 118 00:12:06,600 --> 00:12:11,240 One of the things we probably all have  some experience with, is thinking of 119 00:12:11,240 --> 00:12:18,680 worst-case-scenarios. Often, considering those  feels destructive - we make ourselves feel anxious 120 00:12:18,680 --> 00:12:25,080 and panicked about a hypothetical event that  is, most likely, not going to happen. Of course, 121 00:12:25,080 --> 00:12:29,680 these scenarios pop up in our heads right  before we go on stage for a big speech, 122 00:12:29,680 --> 00:12:34,840 right before we’re trying to fall asleep at night,  or right as we’re already feeling anxious about 123 00:12:34,840 --> 00:12:42,120 another worry - and in response to this sudden  thought, we start to panic. We try to will the 124 00:12:42,120 --> 00:12:48,160 thought away or surrender to the anxiety that  comes with it. As a result, we regard these kinds 125 00:12:48,160 --> 00:12:55,840 of thoughts as unhelpful and try to avoid them.  But that strategy has its downsides as well: now, 126 00:12:55,840 --> 00:13:02,760 if anything bad does happen, you’re completely  distraught and have no idea what to do. 127 00:13:02,760 --> 00:13:07,680 And that’s the trick to imagining  worst-case-scenarios to your benefit: 128 00:13:07,680 --> 00:13:13,960 properly deal with them. Stoics call this  method of imagining the worst case ‘negative 129 00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:21,920 visualization.’ Negative visualization works best  when you take the time to consciously do it. So 130 00:13:21,920 --> 00:13:27,360 when you consider doing a certain thing, like  giving a speech, or taking on a new job, selling 131 00:13:27,360 --> 00:13:34,360 homemade crafts, or going on a date, actually  sit down to think about the worst-case-scenarios. 132 00:13:34,360 --> 00:13:43,080 Sit down, close your eyes, and realistically  think: ‘What’s the worst that could happen?’ 133 00:13:43,080 --> 00:13:49,200 Now, when you start to imagine something like  that, you’ll most likely feel an immediate rush of 134 00:13:49,200 --> 00:13:58,000 anxiety in your body - you get the urge to stop or  panic or perhaps even cry. This is the hard part: 135 00:13:58,000 --> 00:14:05,960 don’t give in to those feelings. Remain still and  observe your worst-case-scenario as if you were a 136 00:14:05,960 --> 00:14:13,800 bystander. In other words: regard it objectively.  Now, you can start to ask yourself questions. 137 00:14:13,800 --> 00:14:19,400 ‘What could I do to handle this situation?’ or  ‘How could I make myself feel better if this 138 00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:26,600 were to happen?’ In other words: you develop a  coping strategy. Then, when you’re done, you’ll 139 00:14:26,600 --> 00:14:33,480 no longer experience sudden ‘what if-’ thoughts,  because you’ve already gone over them! Moreover, 140 00:14:33,480 --> 00:14:42,320 if the worst really does happen, you won’t freeze  on the spot; instead, you know exactly what to do. 141 00:14:42,320 --> 00:14:49,000 So how does this help you control your emotions?  Simple: imagine the difference between giving a 142 00:14:49,000 --> 00:14:53,800 speech you’ve prepared for and a speech you  haven’t. While you might feel the nerves in 143 00:14:53,800 --> 00:15:00,080 both cases, the latter is definitely the situation  where your emotions are most intense and the least 144 00:15:00,080 --> 00:15:06,840 easy to ignore. In the former scenario, you  can distract yourself from nerves and anxiety 145 00:15:06,840 --> 00:15:12,320 by going over your speech or tactics in your head.  When your mind tries to plague you with ‘what if’ 146 00:15:12,320 --> 00:15:17,480 scenarios, you can think of what to do in those  scenarios. When your body makes you shake and 147 00:15:17,480 --> 00:15:23,640 tremble, you can find distraction in going over  your speech again in your head. Preparation is 148 00:15:23,640 --> 00:15:32,240 almost a medicine against emotions - they will  be there, sure, but they won’t rule over you. 149 00:15:32,240 --> 00:15:37,040 Negative visualization isn’t just handy for  when you take risks or try out something new, 150 00:15:37,040 --> 00:15:43,920 though. It works best as a daily practice: if  you take some time to consider that the day ahead 151 00:15:43,920 --> 00:15:49,840 could be awful every morning, you’ll walk into the  day more prepared - not because you’re counting on 152 00:15:49,840 --> 00:15:56,560 a bad day, but because you’ll know what to do if  it does become one. Aurelius especially practiced 153 00:15:56,560 --> 00:16:02,640 this daily version of negative visualization  himself; it was his way of getting through the 154 00:16:02,640 --> 00:16:08,520 day. Negative visualization will help you  be prepared for every possible scenario, 155 00:16:08,520 --> 00:16:15,880 feel more confident in everything you do -  and thus are less subject to sudden emotions. 156 00:16:17,360 --> 00:16:19,800 Use A Journal 157 00:16:19,800 --> 00:16:26,400 To quote Aurelius ‘Dwell on the  beauty of life. Watch the stars, 158 00:16:26,400 --> 00:16:31,680 and see yourself running with them. Think  constantly on the changes of the elements 159 00:16:31,680 --> 00:16:39,120 into each other, for such thoughts  wash away the dust of earthly life.’ 160 00:16:39,120 --> 00:16:44,720 But, of course, challenging your thoughts in  the moment itself can be very hard. One of the 161 00:16:44,720 --> 00:16:50,000 things Marcus Aurelius often did himself  that could help with practicing this was 162 00:16:50,000 --> 00:16:57,480 journalling. Not to record his day-to-day life,  but to examine his emotions and thoughts. When 163 00:16:57,480 --> 00:17:02,440 writing something down, you are forced  to give it space and think about it. To 164 00:17:02,440 --> 00:17:08,240 dwell on it. This is a practice that’s now  often recommended by therapists and sworn 165 00:17:08,240 --> 00:17:13,800 by in psychology magazines: journaling,  especially about emotions and feelings, 166 00:17:13,800 --> 00:17:18,840 turns out to be proven to be extremely  good for your mental well-being. 167 00:17:18,840 --> 00:17:25,000 But starting a new habit is more challenging than  it sounds. A good start would be to journal for 168 00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:31,200 ten to twenty minutes a day - for example, every  evening before bed. And don’t be discouraged if 169 00:17:31,200 --> 00:17:36,520 you accidentally miss a day, or can’t do it  every day of the week - the important part is 170 00:17:36,520 --> 00:17:42,040 doing it whenever you can, even if that’s not  as often as you would like. One of the ways to 171 00:17:42,040 --> 00:17:48,760 train yourself in writing about your feelings is  to answer certain prompt questions. For example: 172 00:17:48,760 --> 00:17:56,040 ‘What emotions did I feel today? Which occurrences  caused those? How did I act as a result? What 173 00:17:56,040 --> 00:18:01,920 thoughts accompanied those emotions? Do I  still agree with those thoughts? Could I 174 00:18:01,920 --> 00:18:07,560 turn them into something more positive?’ All of  those questions require no more than one-word 175 00:18:07,560 --> 00:18:13,640 or one-sentence answers - although you can get  deeper into it if you have the energy and time. 176 00:18:13,640 --> 00:18:20,160 For example, imagine someone who experiences a  certain emotion, such as frustration or anger, 177 00:18:20,160 --> 00:18:26,080 and who failed to challenge themselves in the  moment. As a result, they yelled at their partner, 178 00:18:26,080 --> 00:18:32,160 who didn’t deserve it. The thoughts that might  accompany such an action could be irrational, 179 00:18:32,160 --> 00:18:38,040 think of expressions like: ‘They deserved it!’  or more extremely, think of: ‘We should break 180 00:18:38,040 --> 00:18:46,400 up now’, or more self-deprecating, still equally  unhelpful ‘I’m a bad person’. By journalling at 181 00:18:46,400 --> 00:18:53,160 night to examine your day, you’ll have to register  what it is that, for example, made you yell, 182 00:18:53,160 --> 00:18:58,600 what caused your anger, what thoughts you  had. Then you can see if you still agree 183 00:18:58,600 --> 00:19:04,120 with those thoughts or if you would be better off  overwriting them with new convictions that are, 184 00:19:04,120 --> 00:19:11,160 for example, more empathetic, rational, or  helpful. Journalling gives you the power to 185 00:19:11,160 --> 00:19:18,240 change your thoughts and as a result,  your emotions, feelings, and behavior. 186 00:19:19,800 --> 00:19:23,560 Remember That Life Is Fleeting 187 00:19:23,560 --> 00:19:30,960 In our final quote from Marcus Aurelius for this  video, he says ‘Think of the life you have lived 188 00:19:30,960 --> 00:19:40,120 until now as over and, as a dead man, see what’s  left as a bonus and live it according to Nature. 189 00:19:40,120 --> 00:19:47,920 Love the hand that fate deals you and play it  as your own, for what could be more fitting?’ 190 00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:53,600 A very important piece of wisdom that helps  stoics stay in control of their emotions: 191 00:19:53,600 --> 00:20:02,040 they remember that life is fleeting. The quote we  just read for you is Aurelius’ own spin on: live 192 00:20:02,040 --> 00:20:09,280 every day like it’s your last - except, his is  even better. Because living every day like it is 193 00:20:09,280 --> 00:20:14,960 your last could encourage one to be careless about  their future, while this saying actually motivates 194 00:20:14,960 --> 00:20:21,960 you to care even more about it. Instead of ‘living  like you might die tomorrow’, ‘live like you died 195 00:20:21,960 --> 00:20:28,200 yesterday.’ Imagine what you’d make of your life  if it were to be completed now - do you feel 196 00:20:28,200 --> 00:20:34,560 accomplished? Do you feel like you’ve been the  person you’ve wanted to be? Probably not - we’ll 197 00:20:34,560 --> 00:20:40,920 never be entirely satisfied. But thinking about  life this way forces you to think about the big 198 00:20:40,920 --> 00:20:47,440 picture of life. What’s important enough to  focus on, and what would be a waste of time. 199 00:20:47,440 --> 00:20:52,640 If you had died yesterday, would the way you’ve  spent the last week still seem as important as 200 00:20:52,640 --> 00:20:56,280 it did when you were in the middle of  that week? Perhaps you spent the week 201 00:20:56,280 --> 00:21:01,520 worrying about a deadline at school or work,  or perhaps you had a fight with your sister, 202 00:21:01,520 --> 00:21:06,720 or you decided to stay in bed for a few days  due to a breakup. Would you still have done 203 00:21:06,720 --> 00:21:12,960 all that if you’d known it was the last week  of your life? Probably not - you would have 204 00:21:12,960 --> 00:21:20,160 worked towards who you wanted to become. Aurelius  tells us to always remember that life is fleeting 205 00:21:20,160 --> 00:21:27,040 and could be over suddenly - so that, when we  keep this in mind, we remember only to focus on 206 00:21:27,040 --> 00:21:33,960 what’s truly important to us. We shouldn’t spend  too much time and energy on temporary setbacks, 207 00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:39,440 such as deadlines, fights, or heartache.  At least, we shouldn’t let that get in the 208 00:21:39,440 --> 00:21:45,400 way of our enjoyment and productivity in life.  So, whenever you’re in the middle of an event 209 00:21:45,400 --> 00:21:54,120 that makes you feel bad, try to think - is this  actually important in the big picture of life? 210 00:21:54,120 --> 00:21:59,400 Imagine that you are indeed beside yourself  with stress from an unreasonable deadline, 211 00:21:59,400 --> 00:22:07,240 take a step back and ask yourself - Will this  still matter in a week? In a year? If not, 212 00:22:07,240 --> 00:22:13,200 relax! But perhaps you answered yes.  If you don’t make this deadline, 213 00:22:13,200 --> 00:22:20,840 you might get fired or fail your class. But how  likely is that scenario? And if it is likely, 214 00:22:20,840 --> 00:22:27,560 think about whether you will be able to finish the  task on time or not. If yes, make a plan. If not, 215 00:22:27,560 --> 00:22:33,560 consider reaching out to those in charge and  explaining your situation. And, just in case, 216 00:22:33,560 --> 00:22:40,520 plan for the worst: if you do fail your class, is  that really the end of the world? Most likely you 217 00:22:40,520 --> 00:22:45,760 get to do it again next year, or choose another  direction of study, or find a job instead of 218 00:22:45,760 --> 00:22:52,360 studying, and land on your own two feet again. The  benefits of taking a step back and considering the 219 00:22:52,360 --> 00:22:58,800 importance of what’s bothering you is enormous.  When taking a step back, you’ll realize that 220 00:22:58,800 --> 00:23:05,200 nothing is as devastating as it seems, and that  there are always more options than you think. 221 00:23:05,200 --> 00:23:10,040 To generalize this method: whenever you’re  feeling intense emotions due to a certain 222 00:23:10,040 --> 00:23:16,720 situation or circumstance, ‘step back’  and ask yourself the following questions: 223 00:23:16,720 --> 00:23:20,960 How much effect will this  have on the rest of my life? 224 00:23:20,960 --> 00:23:25,880 How could I continue to enjoy my  life even in the worst-case scenario? 225 00:23:25,880 --> 00:23:31,320 What other options have I not considered yet? Is this worth worrying about in the 226 00:23:31,320 --> 00:23:35,040 grand scheme of things? Looking at the big picture 227 00:23:35,040 --> 00:23:40,680 can calm you down. The more you learn to  consider all the effects and options of 228 00:23:40,680 --> 00:23:46,040 something that is happening, the more you’ll find  that situations don’t plague you with all kinds 229 00:23:46,040 --> 00:23:56,600 of intense emotions anymore and by keeping this  in mind, you can always be calm and level-headed. 230 00:23:56,600 --> 00:24:01,080 If you enjoyed this video, please check out  our full Philosophies for Life playlist and 231 00:24:01,080 --> 00:24:06,040 for more videos to help you find success and  happiness using beautiful philosophical wisdom, 232 00:24:06,040 --> 00:24:14,960 don’t forget to subscribe.  Thanks so much for watching.