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to let go from the philosophy of Lao Tzu.
​​Lao Tzu was an ancient Chinese philosopher who is known to be the founder of Taoism.
He is also credited as the writer of Taoism’s most sacred text, the Tao Te Ching, which
is a collection of poems that includes all of Taoism’s central teachings within their
meanings.
The word Tao itself also translates to ‘the path’ or ‘the way.’
It is the way of the universe.
Taoism as a philosophy focuses on being in balance with the universe, going with the
flow and finding your peace with whatever circumstances you end up in.
To do so, Taoism teaches you to let go so you are indeed free to flow along with life
and be in harmony with the universe which is why in this video we will talk about 6
things we need to let go of and more importantly how we can let them go from the wisdom of
Lao Tzu.
1.
Letting Go Of The Past Lao Tzu says “New beginnings are often disguised
as painful endings”.
Letting go of pain or trauma is easier said than done.
Nobody carries it for fun, and it is not a physical entity that we can indeed choose
to put down and move on from.
Instead, we have to learn how to deal with pain in order to be able to let it go.
For most people, although we carry our pain, we feel too fragile to even face it.
It bothers us, but we dare not confront it.
For example, imagine someone who was mistreated by their parents while growing up, and now
they hate themselves, and thus continue to seek the company of others to keep them feeling
loved and wanted just in order to be able to ignore the fact that they do not love themselves.
As soon as they sit alone at home, the sadness and grief hits them, thus they continue to
find ways to be around people, and in doing so may pick up some unwanted habits.
We tend to avoid our pain and troubles.
And by doing so, they always haunt us back.
Taoism tells us that, instead of pushing it away, we have to let our pain be in order
to let it go.
We need to acknowledge and confront it, and then learn how to deal with it.
Avoiding our pain is like clinging onto a rock in a river trying to take us forward
- we use all of our strength to stay exactly where we are, afraid to go on.
However, if we could just let go and let the stream take us, we feel we can relax.
The trip might be scary, new or confronting, but it will eventually be less difficult and
more rewarding.
So, when we feel our pain or troubles announce themselves to us, we should not ignore it
but instead acknowledge it.
Ask yourself: what am I feeling and why am I feeling this way?
Only by answering those questions can you find the antidote to your pain.
The person who needs constant reassurance and love from others has to learn how to be
alone and enjoy their own company.
This will be hard, but by ceasing to find constant distractions in others, they might
start to pick hobbies like reading or painting that will allow them to enjoy themselves for
who they are or get to know and appreciate their own insights instead of the insights
of others.
Only by letting our emotions about the past be, can we eventually let the past go.
This will bring us the rest and freedom needed to live our lives to the fullest.
2.
Letting Go Of The Future According to Lao Tzu “A good traveler has
no fixed plans and is not intent on arriving”.
A good traveler is not preoccupied with the destination, for then they would not be able
to enjoy the trip.
This is the same for life: if we are preoccupied with the future, we find ourselves unable
to enjoy life itself.
Most people today are so very preoccupied with the future that they forget to enjoy
their time here and now - and they will do so until there is no future to prepare for
anymore.
When we focus on our future and all its possible appearances, we often get anxious.
We start to worry and feel on edge.
This greatly impacts our ability to enjoy life the way it is.
If during a walk you are busy worrying about things like Will I ever be able to afford
a house?
Will I be able to travel when I want to?
Will I ever find love?
All these worries impact our happiness and ability to relax.
You won’t enjoy the beautiful things you encounter on your walk.
The more we focus on our hypothetical future, the less we can enjoy the present.
Moreover, the more we prepare for future performances, the worse we perform in the present.
You cannot be the student, employee, friend, mother, partner, and so on that you want to
be, if your mind is elsewhere.
Taoism, instead urges you to let go of your future expectations and learn how to be in
the now.
One of the ways to stop obsessing over the future is simply by appreciating what is already
there.
Imagine someone who keeps thinking about wanting to own a house in the future.
By focusing too much on this hypothetical outcome, they are probably not focused at
all on their current living situation.
They might not buy nice furniture for their current place or put any effort into decorating
it, because it is only meant to be temporary, so why does it matter?
They might never consider it home because they are so focused on their non-existent
future home.
This means that if they find themselves unable to move or buy a house, any enjoyment of their
current living situation seems lost.
Even if they do manage to buy a house in the future, they will have spent all their time
before that not enjoying their living situation even though they could have.
Instead, if they allowed themselves to embrace their current accommodation as if this is
all they will ever have, they would have all the freedom in the world to make it a nice,
comfortable place worthy of calling home and enjoying.
And then, if they do ever manage to buy a house, they will simply move on from enjoying
one place to another one, instead of having felt out of place for years.
The advice is not to never work for the future, but to never do it in such a way that it completely
blocks you from enjoying the present.
Only if we allow ourselves to let go of our expectations of the future can we stop feeling
anxious and enjoy the present.
3.
Letting Go Of Someone Lao Tsu once wrote “Life is a series of
natural and spontaneous changes.
Don't resist them; that only creates sorrow.
Let reality be reality.
Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like”.
We all have to lose people during our lifetime, be it through distance, a breakup, a change
of circumstances, or even death.
The process of losing people hurts and hurts even more when we cannot seem to let the person
we lost go.
In relationships, we often act in contrast to what Taoism preaches.
We cling onto our partners, feel attached and hold on tight.
For example, when a relationship is going badly, many partners have the intuition to
be more present, more confronting and more active within the relationship.
However, this can feel controlling and pressuring for their partner, only worsening the tension.
However if they learn how to take a step back and allow their partner their own space to
breathe, they feel more free and relaxed to take further steps within the relationship.
Holding onto a partner is like holding onto sand: the more you squeeze it, the more it
slips through your fingers.
Instead, partners who allow each other their own space and lives have the best relationships.
Furthermore, a rejection and breakup are often seen as tragedies - something to be avoided
at all costs.
Think of people fighting tooth and nail to keep their relationship afloat when it is
clearly making both partners unhappy, or of people trying again and again to ask someone
out who’s already expressed disinterest.
Actually, being able to let go of a potential partner can be the very best thing to do for
your own growth and happiness.
There is a story in Taoism of a Taoist sage named Zhuangzi.
He was taking a walk in the mountains when he encountered a thick and crooked tree.
By the tree, Zhuangzi met a lumberjack who refused to cut it down.
‘It is worthless,’ the lumberjack explained.
‘There is nothing this tree could be used for!’
To this, Zhuangzi said, ‘Well, because of its worthlessness, this tree can now continue
to grow and live out its years peacefully.’
In other words: its uselessness to the lumberjack was a blessing for the tree.
The same can be said for the rejections we encounter throughout our lives.
The tree was rejected by the lumberjack and consequently got the freedom and space to
grow old and more beautiful.
Whenever we are deemed unfit or not good enough by someone else and they reject us, they also
give us the space to spend more time with ourselves and grow.
Every minute not spent with someone who is not right for us is a minute we can invest
in ourselves.
In this way, we can see rejection as a blessing in disguise.
This knowledge might make it easier for us to let the one who rejected us or broke up
with us go.
We can either keep chasing them, only to be disappointed and worn out, or accept their
rejection as an invitation to work and focus on ourselves.
Not all people are good for each other, just like the lumberjack and the tree were not
right for each other.
By focusing on ourselves and our growth instead, we can learn how to let go of someone else.
The same can be said for more intense cases of letting go, such as having to let someone
go due to life circumstances or even death.
Although these scenarios do not generally mean that you are better off alone, it is
still possible to find your peace with these losses.
This is important, because if you do not find your peace with these losses, you will always
fight against the circumstances of life and exhaust yourself by being unhappy.
Taoism believes that life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes and if we resist,
we will suffer.
Birth, life and death are just other changes in the world that one has to deal with, and
some changes are less desirable than others.
If you’re a big fan of summertime, for example, you’re unlikely to be happy when autumn
starts.
However, the very best you can do is just accept the end of summer because such a thing
was inevitable and is now unchangeable.
Similarly, death is inevitable.
You must face your grief and sorrow and learn how to deal with it.
For example, you may find that journaling, talking to others about memories, honoring
their hobbies or favorite music by engaging with it, recounting your happiest memories
with them, or anything else, may help.
But in order to be able to do any of this, one must face and accept that their loved
one is gone.
If you eventually accept a loss, you will also find you have more room and energy to
move forward with life and to allow yourself to feel happy again.
4.
Letting Go Of The Desire to Rush Things According to Lao Tzu “He who rushes ahead
doesn’t go far”.
One of the most famous taoist concepts is the concept of Wu Wei.
Wu Wei is best understood as ‘non-forcing.’
To understand this concept, think of floating along with the current of a river.
If you do nothing and do not force anything, you will simply be taken along with the current
to where you will eventually need to be.
A lot of people, however, do apply force.
Maybe they swim in order to get there faster, wasting their precious energy and failing
to enjoy the trip.
Or they swim against the current, desperate to get back to the past, which is exhausting
and will not lead to any lasting results.
Or they cling onto a rock or branch in order to stay right where they are, too scared to
move on, which is similarly exhausting and will never bring you to better circumstances.
This river is a metaphor for the course of life.
Any force you try to apply to the way your life is going, will be exhausting, hard and
ultimately pointless.
If you have mastered Wu Wei, however, you will allow yourself to let the river take
you with it without fuss - you will accept any changes life throws at you and simply
move along with it.
This ‘non-forcing’ approach to life is incredibly hard for most people, because society
often teaches us that life consists of moving fast!
Society tells you to work hard, create your own chances, be faster than anyone else, and
do more, more and more.
If you want a certain job, go for it!
If you want to be in a relationship, go on as many dates as you can!
In most cases, this will eventually lead to people forcing circumstances that they or
their lives have no room for yet.
It is a recipe for burnout, exhaustion and disappointment.
The more you try and fail to control, the more powerless you will feel.
Typically, someone who desperately wants a relationship goes on loads of dates and, as
the saying goes, puts themselves out there.
But how often have we heard of people who always go on dates or hop from relationship
to relationship or even get married too fast and divorced soon after?
They virtually always end up single, no matter how hard they try forcing a different path
for themselves.
Instead, Taoism teaches us that we need to let go of the rush and acknowledge the natural
course of things.
Practicing wu wei, however, doesn’t mean that by passively letting go, everything will
fall into your lap.
Taking action is vital to achieving anything but our actions need to be coupled with an
acknowledgement of the natural course of things.
Nothing can happen earlier or later than it should have.
Using the previous example, If none of your relationships work out, maybe it is because
you are not ready for a relationship.
Some people need to learn how to be single and love themselves first, or change their
behavior or mindset in order to be able to be a good partner.
If you always keep forcing yourself to enter new romantic scenarios, you will never find
out what it is that needs to change.
But on the other hand, when you let go of your desire to control things and instead
go with the flow, trust in your progress, you become more confident and in time, you
will attract the right partner.
5.
Letting Go Of Excess In the words of Lao Tzu “Be content with
what you have; rejoice in the way things are.
When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you”.
Taoism believes the world itself is in perfect balance and perfect connection with itself.
This means that if we take more of the world than we need, we are disturbing this balance
- not just the balance of the world, but also the balance within ourselves.
In our competitive and work-oriented society, we work to be promoted, to afford more, to
be able to move into a bigger house, etc.
This means we work extremely hard and stress ourselves out to attain status, money and
goods that we do not even necessarily need and spend our entire lives being out of balance,
on the verge of burnout, for nothing.
Even when you find yourself at the top, being surrounded by everything you’ve wished for,
you have to keep on working just as hard not to lose any of it - and the fear of losing
it only adds to the stress.
The more we have, the more we usually want.
For someone with ten cars, it becomes very tempting to want to buy an eleventh.
Furthermore, it does feel important to note that this chasing of excess not only negatively
impacts the individuals who do so, but also the world around them.
Think of overproduction, food waste, environmental issues, and so on.
It wouldn’t be just ourselves and our environment that would benefit from moderation, but also
the entire world.
To live moderately, we can start by asking ourselves the question: “What do I truly
need?”
When shopping, cleaning, celebrating, or even working, ask yourself “What is enough to
satisfy my true needs?”
This can take effect in a variety of ways.
You may find you don’t need to run the tap when brushing your teeth, or you don’t need
to cook as much because you’re not that hungry.
Furthermore, we can also be more mindful of what the world needs.
When you’re done using particular clothes, you can choose to donate them instead of throwing
them away.
When considering getting rid of something you don’t use, you could consider recycling
it.
By living this way you will find that you are balanced and this balance will make you
feel less stressed and more relaxed.
When you are satisfied with less, you are more satisfied in general.
The Tao urges you to think about what you need, what you truly use, and how you can
fulfill those needs in the least excessive ways.
When our happiness doesn’t depend on excess, we are less likely to lose it.
6.
Letting Go Of Your Ego In our final quote from Lao Tzu for this video,
he says “The ego is entranced by ... names and ideas...
However names and concepts only block your perception of this Great Oneness”.
Taoism believes that everything is connected.
We are connected to the universe but the universe does not consist of names and permanent attributes.
Instead, it changes and shifts with the times.
The same goes for us: so how could we ever identify with all our impermanent attributes
and flow along with the universe?
Quite simply, we can’t.
Thus focusing solely on one’s ego makes one blind to the greater picture of connection
and oneness.
Focusing on our ego leads to overidentifying with unimportant aspects of ourselves.
Our jobs, hobbies, status, possessions and appearances are not a clear picture of who
we are.
This means that ourselves, as we see it, are dependent on things that are impermanent.
What if you lose your job, interest in a hobby, status, possessions or looks?
Do you stop being you?
Of course not.
But if we have been overly focused on our ego, we might feel like we do.
Thus we become obsessed with remaining the same, with holding onto those things that
we think define us.
This causes stress, worry and resistance.
It is, again, like holding onto a branch with all our might to avoid being taken along the
course of the river - just because we have convinced ourselves that we are a type of
person who belongs in this part of the river only.
We will never see the scenery beyond the part of the river where we force ourselves to stay,
no matter how beautiful it might be around the corner.
If we learn to recognize the beauty in impermanence, change, and flow, we will find that letting
go of our ego is freeing.
It will not feel like a loss, but like a gain.
It will teach us to find peace and happiness wherever and however we end up, no matter
what.
Letting go of your ego is akin to ‘letting go of who you are, so that you can become
who you might be’, as a famous quote by Lao Tzu says.
Being who you are is not something you can chase or permanently achieve, but just something
you are continuously becoming.
Thus, when you manage to let go of your ego, you can learn how to find and know yourself
in whatever circumstance.
You will be at harmony with the universe in a way which you could not before.
And, most importantly, rather than being stressed and struggling, you will find yourself relaxed
and at peace.
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