===TRANSCRIPT START===

Astonishing Legends Network.

Disclaimer, this episode includes the usual amount of adult language and graphic discussions you've come to expect around here. But in the event it becomes an unusual amount, expect another call from me.

Welcome back to Scared All The Time. I'm Chris Cullari.

And I'm Ed Voccola.

And this week, we're gonna dig deeper into the fear of being buried alive. You might remember last week, if you haven't listened yet, go do that. We had the wonderful Anna Akana on with us to discuss being buried alive. And with her, we covered the history of burial in general, why human beings are buried in the ground. We discussed the fear of being accidentally buried alive. And we discussed all the ways that science and medicine and doctors have tried to prevent such an awful fate. We touched on a few stories of people who were buried alive, but mostly stories of people who experienced it centuries ago. So this week, we're going to discuss a couple more modern stories of live burial, of which there are entirely too many, as well as the history of the only thing worse than being buried alive by accident, being buried alive on purpose.

Sure.

And you might think that that history would be fairly short, but no. It's long and varied and horrible. And we're going to get into all of it. So tuck yourself into a coffin, get comfortable, hit play, and let's get into Buried Alive Part 2.

Be weird if they hadn't hit play yet and we're hearing all of this.

True.

Now it is time for. Scared All The Time.

Hey everybody, welcome back to the show. We don't have too much housekeeping to kick off the episode. We're driving to Monster Fest as you listen to this, and our social feeds are probably filled with Monster Fest stuff, so you guys know the deal. But we did want to, as promised in one of the previous episodes, we wanted to highlight some five-star reviews to encourage you guys to keep leaving five-star reviews because we know that you're out there, you five-star, the five-star lovers of this show, and we wanna reward you for leaving a little message by sharing them with everybody who listens. So, Ed, would you like to kick us off with a five-star review?

Sure, here's a five-star review from Ad Rock. That's their username. Spooky and hilarious. Love the first episode. This is an older one, I guess. I laughed for realsies multiple times, which is difficult for anyone to make me do. Interesting and spooky content too. Keep them coming, guys. Two exclamation points. So thank you, Ad Rock, for the five-star review. We will keep them coming.

We will keep them coming. We have kept them coming. We will continue to keep them coming. I'd like to share a review from XCon GDC.

Okay.

A five-star review that has me wondering what they mean. The headline for the review is, Touch My Camera Through the Fence, and the review is, Keep Feathering It, Brother.

Oh, hell yeah.

So, hell yeah, XCon GDC. We will feather your camera through the fence all day and all night.

That sounds great. Whatever that's code for, let us know in the comments.

Is that a joke we made, maybe, for something? It's so weird.

It's so weird. I love it. Let's see here. I'm gonna go to another old one, another oldie. This is from Lins McKins. Obsessed already halfway into episode one, and I am on my second solo cup of The Kool-Aid. Only disappointed that I have to wait for more episodes. These two are laugh out loud, funny and highly relatable. Well, thanks, thanks, Lins. And then to make it so that people know we also get new ones, let's go to a new one that talks about more recent shit.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We didn't just have people review our first episode. Chompy Dumps, June 20th, 2024, five stars, new favorite. I have listened to every episode, so far, and I have even done relistens. I love hearing the guys dive into a new fear each week and I'm excited for future fears. Chompy Dumps, we will not let you down.

We might let you down, I don't know.

Definitely we'll let you down, but we will try not to let you down.

All right, well, there we go. That's a couple of five star reviews from the, that's been Five Star Corner.

Five Star Corner.

And we'll get right into the episode now, but yeah, keep leaving them, we'll keep reading them.

Yeah, leave five star reviews, we'll read them on the show. We love you guys, we'll see some of you at Monster Fest. And here we go, Buried Alive Part 2. So Ed, how have you been since we recorded our last episode? I've been thinking a lot about being Buried Alive, even more than I usually do.

I haven't thought about it one second. I've been so busy really with all the stuff we've been doing for premium and then getting the merch store figured out and also making a lot of the merch beyond buttons. So I guess if I have anything, I'm buried alive in work. Like I'm buried in work at the moment. And by virtue of that, I've had no time to think about Buried Alive the episode.

Right, well, that's fair. I have had more time to think about it because I've been writing this episode and reading lots of stories of more people who have been buried alive. So I guess I've been much more in it. I think after our discussion, I'm less afraid of being buried alive than I was because we had some fun with it. And because it does seem like it's pretty tough to be buried alive in the present day, although not impossible. And I wonder as with a number of the fears that we've talked about on this show, if this one is under reported. Because like, as with some fears on this show, the people who the worst case scenario happens to, you would never know about, like eaten alive. People who have been eaten alive out in the middle of the woods aren't around to report that they've been eaten alive if their bodies aren't found, no one knows. So I don't think we have accurate numbers for how many people have been buried alive, because technically with probably very few exceptions, we only know about the people who were almost buried alive. You know, like the people who woke up before the casket was closed.

Sure, hold on they said.

Yeah, there's gotta be way more people who were buried alive that we have no idea about because they're still buried and very dead and suffered alone in silence, which is the real root, the real core of the fear.

Although some people we sounded like from the stories you told the last episode, some people suffered not in silence and people were still like, ah, fuck it, that person sucks, leave them.

Yeah.

So yeah, they'll never know that.

That's true. There's gonna be a lot more of people who were not suffering silently in this episode.

Great.

So while it's safe to say, I think, that medicine has advanced and we're much more sure that people are like dead, dead, there are a lot of people, I think, out in the world who aren't necessarily getting the benefit of modern medicine, even in fairly modern countries, scientifically advanced first world countries, whatever, you still have overcrowded hospitals, overworked doctors, the constant churn of sick bodies in need of beds. So like mistakes can be made, tests that should be carried out might not be carried out. Maybe they settle for one death test instead of three, like the ones that we talked about last week. Maybe they just swab your eyeball with a cotton ball, but they don't shoot ice water into your ass. I don't remember what they all were.

Well, everybody's busy, everybody's got a budget, so there's only so much more, well, so much we can do.

Yeah, truly, I mean, come on. I also think it's important to recognize when we talk about the science of being buried alive or the science that saves you from being buried alive, I think it's important to note that the science of what it means to be dead has advanced a lot in the last couple of years. This is a different episode, I think. So I won't go too deeply into it, but the more that we study near-death experiences, the more gray areas we are starting to find between life and death. So what used to seem very binary, you're either dead or you're alive, it's starting to seem like that may exist on much more of a spectrum than we thought.

Is that like we have things now where it's like you're brain dead or your body dead or you're fucking just asleep?

Yeah, well, even beyond that, just like we've been studying people who are brain dead for an hour or two hours or three hours and then come back, I suspect that in another 100 years or so, what we consider dead today, like dead enough to put in the ground, might seem kind of barbaric, actually. That we had generations of people who were dead, who people will look back and go, oh, you could have saved so many of them.

I just watched a video on the internet that it was like suggested to me or something, or maybe someone sent it to me. I've got three or four friends. I'm sure you do. I'm sure everybody listening does.

I only have two friends.

Okay, though I'm happy to be, I guess, one of them.

You and my wife.

Although I don't fit the bill. I don't fit the bill for what I'm about to say, so you might have no one in your life then for this. But I have at least a few friends, and I'm sure this is universal, who just send like a million Instagram reels to me every day.

Oh, yes.

And they know who they are, and they're probably listening. And I just get around to watching them when I get around to watching them. So I get stuff that I'm just like, what the fuck is this? So one of those was a video. I think of a company, I did not research to see, like I did not take the second step to be like, is this made up or is this real? But some company trying to like sever people's heads and like put them onto other bodies, like onto fresh, hot, young bodies, donated bodies, where it's like, oh, you got a body problem, I guess. Not a body problem, like a image.

When you say hot, do you mean the body is still warm or attractive?

I don't know how quickly you have to do the transfer. I didn't watch far enough, but it was like a pretty well-made, like at least Unreal Engine level CG of like, here's us removing your head. Here's the body that was donated, and then your head goes on here. And I'm like, okay, but do you then wake up walking around like a Frankenstein monster? Or is it like, now that everything's attached, we're gonna freeze this until the rest of the science catches up? And I only bring this up because you were like, maybe in the future, we're letting people fucking die too quickly. We could have done more things. And so that the first thing my brain went to was that ridiculous video, which I'll include in the show notes if I can find it.

Yeah, I mean, right. Like that's kind of where the science is advancing to. I guess I should say that I don't think people will view it as barbaric in the sense that we buried people alive who then were waking up and continuing to be alive. Like the people who we bury now who are brain dead or their hearts have stopped or they're physically dead, whatever, they are like dead in the sense that if they get buried, they're not laying down there being like, oh fuck, oh no, I gotta get out of here. But I think the death on a spectrum in the sense that once we call someone brain dead at the hospital, they're getting sent down to the morgue, whereas in the future, yeah, whether through freezing or through other technology, we might be able to bring them back well after we think that they are gone.

Wow, that seems like a huge waste of space though. Let's just fucking get rid of people. I don't know.

We've got enough people walking around.

And don't get me wrong. Don't get me wrong, okay? Nothing speaks to the heart of Ed Voccola quite like why do today what you can put off till tomorrow. So I'm fine with freezing people until the technology is there.

Yeah.

And then it's some other idiots problem. But I think it'll quickly become a demolition man situation where we'll be like, and now we freeze our prisoners, so.

Yes. Well, if there's any prisoners listening to this in the future, I'm sorry we froze you, but aren't you glad you got a second chance to go be a criminal?

Are you? Do you think that we are part of corporal punishment in the future where they were like, hey, you can do three years of reading any book you want or six months of listening to Scared All The Time. What's the worst punishment?

I hope so. I hope we're part of reeducating the troubled people of society in the future.

Oh, you took that differently. I literally was like, I thought we were the punishment is like, you have to listen to Scared All The Time.

It's a joy to listen to us.

I would think so, but I don't know how things have changed in the future. Maybe we're outlawed in the future.

That's true. Well, all that said, modern live burial is probably not the once in a million tragedy that we want it to be. It probably happens more than we think. If anything, I think modern burial practices with viewings and wakes probably help make sure anyone on the edge of life and death is really tipping over into the dead column.

Well, I found that really interesting when Anna brought that up in the last episode where she was like, that's why we have viewings and why we do things for three days or whatever. It's like, so it's partially because it's like, you fucking dead, buddy? You fucking dead, for sure?

I think this is something that I ended up cutting on the fly in the last episode because she had brought it up and I didn't want to be redundant in the moment, but I had done some research that the first morgues, I think it was where the term morgue came from, or maybe it was another death term.

Dave morgue, he opened it.

They were open as places where bodies would be laid out to see if they started to rot to make sure that they weren't alive. So you'd lay people out in the morgue for three, four, five days.

That room stinks.

That room is stinky. But if someone had time, somebody was just in a coma or asleep or whatever, they'd wake up, or if they didn't wake up, somebody would be like, something's going on here because it's been a couple of days and this body is not rotting.

Oh, interesting. That's true too. That would be a telltale sign. But I also do like that it's just so smelly that people wake up like, oh, like it was so bad. You know what I mean?

It's like smelling salts.

Yeah, that's probably why we have smelling. I think there's probably something going on in smelling salts beyond just being stinky. But if it was just stink based technology, then yeah, if it just got so rancid in there that people woke up out of just, I can't sleep through this stink. That's really fun too.

Do you think maybe somebody, this is a very dumb riff, but if somebody tried to commit suicide just by pretending to be dead so that they'd get buried and then they get put in that morgue room, they're like, oh fuck, I can't fake sleep through this. I know, and it's so stinky.

It is a dumb thought because there's a lot wrong with it. But now I'm kind of obsessed with the idea of faking your own death to get into a morgue to like rob the morgue in some way, where it's like, oh, I need this thing. There was like a mass murder that happened at the scene of this thing, but one of the guys who was killed has this information, I don't know, the equation for cold fusion. And so I need to pretend I'm dead because of the, I don't know, intense security at the morgue. Then once I'm in there, I can like get up and get the cold fusion thing out of their pocket. But that's just showing a lack of understanding story and how morgues work. But I'm just saying, I just sold it. It was what I'm getting at. I just sold it to Peacock. So can't wait for you guys to see it. It's called Morgheist. Speaking of great ideas, I was working on a project that you're aware of, that the world's not aware of, that had put me into some pretty interesting conversations with people, one of which I had mentioned in a previous episode about the cool ranch Dorito skull situation, that was the time period which I had to talk to a lot of people about this kind of stuff. But as part of the research, I didn't even know about it beforehand. Are you familiar with the body farms in this great country? Everywhere, really, they're everywhere. But yeah, places where they just leave bodies, if people are unfamiliar, it's kind of disgusting and insane, but also really interesting, is they just leave bodies outside in the sun for 16 days, or with one arm laying in bog water, or, you know what I mean, there's just a bunch of bodies left in really unusual situations so that they can then know like, okay, this is what a body becomes after 16 days in the sun. This is what a body is if one arm is gonna be soaked and the rest is bone dry. And I guess it helps with police investigations and a number of things, but it's just a really interesting gross place to work.

I think when people talk about, oh, donate my body to science, I think we like to think that there's gonna be, they're gonna study your brain or something, but really they're just like, no, dude, we needed a body that to, we dipped your balls in quicksand for three weeks to see what would happen.

See how long your sack gets.

To help this murder investigation.

What murder investigation could possibly need that?

I don't know, I don't know. I don't know, I'm not a murderer.

We'll move on from this in a second, but I do, there's a picture I remember seeing from one of the body farms where it was a body in a cage in the grass, and I was like, what the fuck? Do you think it's gonna get up and leave? Why is it in a cage? But it was to keep animals off of it.

Ah, yes.

Because I guess even crime scenes, they're like, oh, look at the way this body fell. It must have fallen out of a hot air balloon or whatever. It was like, no, the murder actually happened by this creek, but then animals dragged it a bunch of 20 feet, and now it's in a completely new position and stuff, and so that's part of the body farm stuff, too, is to be like, okay, what's the evidence that a body's moved post-mortem and all this type of shit? Anyway, we really got off topic, but I highly recommend no one look it up because it's super gross, but it is interesting.

Well, I think, where do we pivot off of that from?

Well, we were talking about stinky farts in the morgue. Oh, not farts, just bodies.

Stinky farts of the Rue morgue. So yeah, a lot of modern burial practices became popularized as a way of making sure that you were actually dead, including the embalming procedures that we use on dead bodies now to put you on display at the wake. I, at first, had made a joke in my research that once they juice you with formaldehyde, you're dead, dead. But in fact, I found a historian named Michael Taylor who wrote in Louisiana History, the Journal of Louisiana Historical Association, he wrote that the common fear in the 19th century of being buried alive actually helped popularize the embalming procedure.

So that's not where I thought this was going. I thought you were gonna say that you actually wouldn't die from that somehow. I'm like, what, is that what Lance Armstrong was on, on bombing fluid to win all those races?

No, well, there's a couple of stories. So one guy, this is something where the embalming procedure didn't really help. In 1837, a Catholic Cardinal named Cardinal Somalia.

Stop it, that's their name?

S-O-M-A-G-L-I-A, Somalia.

Oh, not at all, not at all how I read it in my mind.

No, I know, I know how you read it. You read it like Black Hawk Down. It might be Cardinal Somalia if he's Italian, maybe that G has a little oomph to it, but Somalia.

Sure.

Well, this guy, he got sick, he passed out, they thought he died. He was an important church official, and in 1837, embalming was still somewhat new process, but preparations were begun immediately to embalm this guy because he was a big deal. But when the surgeon cut into his chest to start to do the embalming, he found that the Cardinal's heart was still beating.

Nope.

Shortly.

How asleep do you gotta be where you're sleeping through the chest cut?

Well, moments later, the Cardinal shot from his stupor, pushed the knife away, but his effort was to no avail. The chest incision did kill him.

Sure. His heart fell out.

Yeah. The embalming did him no favors. He just was cut open and his last moments were like, oh my God.

Oh no, don't address God. He definitely let you just die for no reason.

I did though, to your point, Ed, I was like, okay, so could a human survive being pumped full of formaldehyde? So I went to Google and I Googled, could a human survive being pumped full of formaldehyde?

Now you're getting so many formaldehyde ads.

I know, like at home formaldehyde-ization. The science is kind of unclear, although there's really not that much studied about it because they don't think it's probably that common of a thing, but I did find at least one woman in Russia who claimed to have survived being pumped full of formalin, which is a solution containing formaldehyde. Now, Dr. Louis Nelson, who is the chairman of emergency medicine at Rutgers Medical School, says that formalin in the body is quote, very dangerous to all living tissues and would disrupt the function of nearly every living organ. If somebody were to be pumped full of formaldehyde, Nelson told the website Live Science that the outcome of death is quote, fully predictable. So Dr. Nelson feels like this woman's probably full of shit. She might have lied or maybe she was confused about what she was pumped full of.

I hope the headline was She Formaled a Lied. And then everyone, of course, was fired at that newspaper, but it would make me happy.

I've got a feeling everyone was probably fired at that newspaper anyway, based on how newspapers are doing these days.

Yeah, that's true. Hey, I'm here for the Modern Pun Times online edition.

Less successful sister site to the onion, the Modern, Modern Pun Times. So just to double check all this, I consulted an article on howstuffworks.com titled, What If You Drink Embalming Fluid? I don't know why there's an article about this actually. This is what happens. Drinking or otherwise being exposed to embalming fluid can impact your health severely leading to bronchitis, destroyed body tissue, damaged throat and lungs, brain damage, impaired coordination, inflammation and more. According to howstuffworks.com, drinking one ounce of formalin can kill an adult. Formalin in of itself is made up of water, menthol and 37% formaldehyde. So formalin, which is what this woman said she drank, or I'm sorry, she didn't drink it that she was accidentally pumped full of in the hospital, is only 37% formaldehyde. Morticians fill corpses with 30 gallons of a solution that is 50% formaldehyde. So true body embalming formaldehyde would kill you much faster and completely than the formalin.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Anyway, I think the lesson here is that maybe we should just mandate that morticians are responsible for making sure that you don't go in the ground alive. Like the first thing they do when they get your body is use the air gun from No Country For Old Men.

Just putting down people and cows.

I mean, honestly, I would take it as like a box on my driver's license, like check here to be an organ donor, check here to get a six inch bolt of the brain before we bury you. Just make sure before you accidentally embalm me alive, which is probably a whole other episode. I don't know if anyone other than that cardinal has ever been embalmed alive, but that's gotta be, that's gotta suck.

I mean, you wouldn't know unless they woke up mid-embalming, I guess, which they probably would. And anyone who did it is keeping that to their own burial. I don't think anyone's like, oh, so quick question. I know I just started here, but, you know, like, I don't think they're telling anybody that they accidentally embalmed someone alive.

Yeah, probably not, probably not. Even with all the attempts we make in the modern day to protect people from accidental live burial, too many people, for my liking, have slipped through the cracks and nearly into an early grave. One of the wildest that I dug up is the tale of Angel Hayes, which, according to some, is the most remarkable 20th century instance of alleged premature burial, although I don't think there's really anything alleged about this, it's pretty well documented. In 1937, this guy, Hayes, crashed his motorcycle and was tossed head first into a brick wall. His face was so disfigured that his parents weren't allowed to view the body.

Gotta wear helmets, man.

Gotta wear a helmet. On top of his instantaneous transformation into a hamburger face, doctors couldn't find his pulse, so they declared him dead, and all signs seem to be this guy is fucked.

He's hurtling towards RIP, God bless.

He's no longer with us. He's visiting the hamburger helper, a little hand man in heaven who's gonna make a casserole out of it.

So that thing's dead? The hand man is dead? It's a ghost in the commercials?

He looks like a ghost to me.

That's true.

Anyway, Angel Hayes was buried three days later. Hilariously, and luckily for Angel Hayes, his father had recently taken out such a large life insurance policy on him that the insurance company was very suspicious of the timing of this motorcycle accident. So they demanded an investigation and two days after the funeral, so a full five days after Smashface Angel was dead, his body was exhumed. And much to the surprise of those at the Forensic Institute and I would say probably his father and the insurance company, Hayes was still alive.

What?

His body was still warm.

This is multiple days later?

Five days later, yeah.

And he was buried?

Mm-hmm. He was in such a deep coma that his body had a diminished need for oxygen and he kind of was in this like, I guess sort of a hibernating state or something. Like he was, he didn't really need the air and the food and the water as badly. It was just enough that he was alive.

Wow, it's like in those fantasy movies and fantasy films when it's always like a sorcerer has the ability to make you appear dead. You know what I mean? Wow, wow. But apparently you don't need any of that. You don't need a sorcerer. I got to do a smash into a fucking wall and it does the same thing.

After numerous surgeries and a little bit of rehab, physical rehab, this guy recovered completely and I couldn't find a ton of photos of him but the ones that I found, he honestly looks great. Like his surgeon nailed it. You never would have known his face was a sausage blend before or after his encounter with the wall.

Well, I hope that's the name of his memoir, My Encounter with the Wall.

Encounters with the Wall, an Angel Hayes story. Well, Angel, he probably did, maybe he did write a memoir. I don't know, I didn't find it, but he became a minor celebrity because this case picked up some steam over the years. People traveled from all over the world to speak with him and in the 1970s, he actually went on tour. So almost, when did we say this happened? 37? So almost like 40 years later, he went on tour with a sick security coffin, like a safety coffin he invented. It had thick upholstery and it was the 1970s, so I can only imagine how good that upholstery looked. A food locker, a toilet and even a library.

Sure.

I found a second source that claimed it also had a small oven, a refrigerator and a hi-fi cassette player.

This isn't a safety coffin, it's a fucking vault.

Apartment. I don't know. I feel like it's dangerous enough to leave your oven on in a house. If something goes wrong with it in your coffin, you're fucked twice as fast.

Well, no one will know.

He demonstrated the power of this coffin at least twice, being buried in it once for 30 hours and once for 48 hours.

I mean, yeah, I could spend 48 hours. His coffin sounds nicer than most apartments I've lived in. I'd be like, yeah, what do you need, a week? Week and a half? I can get some work done.

Yeah, no roommates.

Yeah, nothing but books and things I can make in the oven. It's great.

You live alone. You don't have your dad taking out large insurance policies on you days before you mysteriously get in a motorcycle accident.

Yeah, the one day he's like, dad, dad, where's my helmet? I can't find my helmet and I'm late. And the dad's like holding it behind him and he's like, I don't know, son. Must've left it somewhere.

I'm suspicious of that story. I mean, no one ever elaborated on like how much of a coincidence that was, but it does seem, I feel like his dad was trying to get away with something.

Yeah, I mean, look, he named him Angel and he's like, you wanna meet the fucking angels? I don't know, I don't like talking about people who, what, this is the 30s though, right? So nobody cares.

Yeah.

This is fine, I could talk about this.

But this next one, this next one's a lot more recent. 1993 is this next one. South Africa, a guy named Sifo, S-I-P-H-O, Sifo William Medelchi. That last name has two consonants I've never seen together, M-D-L-E-T-S-H-E.

It doesn't sound like they were born on the continent of Africa, like that family originally. I'm sure it's like, was it the South Africa? It's all like Dutch people and shit.

Yeah.

Or whatever, English and Dutch.

And in 1993.

Oh, I'm sure he was a monstrous piece of shit. So let's hear about how he almost died.

Well, I don't know anything about Seifo William Medelschi's politics or participation in what was surely at the time an apartheid state, but he got in a car accident.

And was able to afford a pretty primo coffin with those blood diamond profits.

He got in a car accident with his wife in the car in 1993. The paramedics who arrived at the scene believe that his injuries were too severe and there's no way he could have survived. It's not clear if his face was pulverized as badly as Angel Hayes' but it sounds like it was a real mess. His wife survived the crash with significant injuries but they took her to the hospital. And meanwhile, Seifo was shining, showing no signs of life. So they took him straight to the morgue where he spent two days in a cold locked cabinet before he came back to life. And as he gradually started to wake up, he says that he realized he was locked in a small dark container, which at first led him to think that he'd already been put in the ground, which has gotta be like-

That's interesting. Yeah, it's like you hear hooves, nobody thinks zebras.

Right, exactly.

That's a really interesting first thought, yeah.

This is why it's good though. Don't give up too easily. Always make loud noises because he started making loud noises and banging, and luckily for him, the morgue workers, I'm sure terrified, heard the commotion. They figured out which cabinet the noise is coming from and yanked it open to reveal this perfectly awake and lucid cypho.

Who's watching the mines is the first thing he asked.

My diamond mines, no.

Oh, sorry, we declared you dead. Your wife took the diamond mine.

Well, the wife, so get this, according to this story, and this seems like an exaggeration on behalf of a tabloid or something, but he apparently was obviously thrilled that he was alive. The first thing he wanted to do was go visit his wife. And according to this news report, I don't know, maybe she wasn't notified that he was alive or what, but when he knocked on her door, she screamed and refused to let him in because she believed he was a zombie.

Or a fairy, an Irish fairy.

Yeah, in a way, I guess that kind of makes sense, but I feel like that's what I mean. I think it's an exaggeration because if your ex-husband, who you thought was dead, knocked on the door and was alive, I don't know that your first thought would be like, ah, he's conquered death.

Yeah.

He must be a supernatural creature.

Also, it's been three days. It's been three days.

Not that long.

Yeah, it's not like he showed up, like you're still doing the paperwork. You're still getting the funeral ready and stuff.

Yeah, exactly. I mean, it's the amount of time that's like, oh, I guess they told me he was dead and he wasn't, not like, ah, get the fuck away from me.

He did say immediately brains and nothing else, which was very confusing.

Yeah. But he did survive. They brought him back to the hospital. He survived.

Well, congratulations, CFO. I'm sure you're not any of the things I made up about you for comedic relief.

So according to Snopes, another person had a very similar thing happen a year later in 1994, when 86-year-old Mildred C. Clark spent 90 minutes in a body bag in a morgue at the Albany Medical Center before an attendant noticed, the bag was breathing, which feels like a bad horror movie effect, I feel like.

Yeah, or they're on drugs.

Yeah, but she'd been found on her living room floor, cold and motionless, no detectable heartbeat, no breathing, no signs of life, stiff as a board. And the coroner was just like, yep, she's dead. But they threw her in the bag, she resurrected herself, but she only lived for another week. So they were close on that one.

That was similar in the last one too, right? The person that was buried alive in the last episode who died pretty shortly after they got home and everyone was like, don't close the hole, we'll be right back.

Yeah, well, because I feel like these stories probably happen on the people that they're most likely to accidentally think are dead or buried alive or whatever, or people who are one foot out the door, you know? Like, it's easier to be mistaken.

As I like to say, one foot in the grave, one foot in a banana peel.

Absolutely. So, the most recent story I found is from 2013. 2013, it's not that long ago.

Sure, I can tell you what I was doing in 2013. I was an adult, a full grown adult, working.

This story, I think, stretches the definition a little bit of being buried alive, but it kind of helps us segue into the next segment of the episode. So, I will say, to be fair, that hospitals and medicine weren't really involved in this one. This was more of a crime. And equally as scary for the witnesses as the poor guy at the center of the event.

Sure.

So, the location, a cemetery in the suburbs of Faraz de Vasconcelos, Sao Paulo.

There's no way whatever that was was great accents on, what language was that?

It's Spanish, Faraz de Vasconcelos.

What is that Spanish for? No one knows. Did it even say in the article?

The vascular Ferrari, I don't know.

Oh my God, dude, I love the term vascular Ferrari. I don't even know what I would use it for. I don't even have a bit for that. It's just like a great, it just feels nice coming out of your mouth. Vascular Ferrari.

Vascular Ferrari. In Sao Paulo, which is.

So Brazil.

Brazil.

So maybe it's Portuguese.

Might be.

Shit, dude, we don't know.

I don't know. Well, a woman there was visiting a family's grave in the graveyard when she heard what she thought sounded like faint crying for help. And then she noticed that the earth of the grave nearby was moving. And she said, quote, I was terrified to see a man who I thought was dead trying to get out of the grave. He had his head and hands out and was moving his arms around trying to get out.

Oh my God.

Which to me conjures the mental image of him, like one of those inflatable noodle guys.

Yeah.

Just like, woo.

So she shot him. Oh my God, he's so alive. And then shot him.

No, she actually, get this, she ran away screaming, which I'm sure was, he was like, fuck, that's not what I wanted. I wanted help not to make you run off. But she did call emergency services who came back. They found the man half buried in the earth.

Sure.

And the woman claimed that when she called the police, they did not believe her and accused her of wasting their time.

That sounds like how that situation can go more often than not.

Yeah.

It's a major city, Sao Paulo.

Yeah. She says, they kept questioning me, asking, are you serious? This is a joke, isn't it? She said. And when she was unable to convince the authorities that it was not a joke and there was a man climbing out of a grave, she went to the cemetery office to plead with them to confirm with the police that her discovery was real. Somebody got video of this. They posted it on YouTube and it shows a man wearing a gray jumper with the bottom half of his body almost completely buried by soil.

So there's just no one helping? She ran away. Someone else just filmed it. Nobody has come to help pull this guy out of the grave.

In some of the images shown on Brazil's Record TV, the guy appears almost lifeless and then an emergency worker steps in and finds that he is breathing. At the time the article was published, the man was recuperating in a local hospital and the hospital source said he is quote, coming back to life.

Oh wow, wow.

I guess it's sort of poor use of that phrase, but it's a little glib.

Yeah, the question is how did this guy end up half buried in a grave? Police said that they believe the man to be a former city hall worker who was involved in a fight in another part of the city where he was badly beaten by his attackers until he passed out and then taken to the cemetery by his assailants where it's believed they threw him into an empty grave and partially filled it with earth.

Now he's in a weirdly deep, shallow grave.

Yeah.

Wow. Do you think record TV in Brazil is like They Are America's Funniest Home Videos? Like there's just nothing graceful about the entire story. Like no one helped them. Someone filmed them. Now a whole country's laughing at him being like they put like some music over it. Just him like they call him the worm man or something stupid.

Yeah.

It's fucking just the saddest story.

Stories from your friends next door. They never told, dumped a guy in a shallow grave.

What is this song?

That's the America's Funniest Home Videos song.

Oh my God. It has a theme.

Stories from your friends next door. They never told, you could be a star tonight. So let that camera roll.

I don't know if we're gonna get sued for singing all that.

It's the red, white and blue, all the funny things you do.

We're gonna get sued.

America.

I have to bleep a bunch of this.

Boop, boop, boop, boop. You know, the guy who created that show graduated from our college.

Vin DeBona? I know his name and I know he created that show. See, you said the guy who created that show and synapses fired in my brain and I was able to move a bunch of boxes in my memory compartment.

Yeah.

What the hell is that? Stephen King book? The Duttits? Oh. Dreamcatcher.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I was able to move a bunch of boxes in my dreamcatcher memory department and I was like, yeah, Vin DeBona, know that name. You sang probably an illegal amount of that song and not a single synapse fired. Like, I don't know that song at all at all. That's crazy.

No, if Vin DeBona comes after us.

You made it up. You're gaslighting me. No, that's the song.

Because I wasn't allowed to watch a lot of TV growing up, but Friday nights at my known as house when we had pizza night, we would watch TV and America's Funniest Home Videos was always on pizza night. So I watched a lot of that show.

It wasn't part of TGIF though, was it?

No, I think it was, what network was that on?

I was off watching TGIF like an American hero.

The article notes that this attack was the second of its kind in Brazil in just three months. In September of that year, a homeless man who was beaten over the head with a shovel by three teenagers.

Hate that, hate to hear it.

In the Brazilian capital of Rio de Janeiro was found.

Another Brazilian story?

Yes, this is what's from the same article. This article ended with this mention that these kids had beat this guy over the head with a shovel and he was found buried alive at Leblon Beach. And the teenagers also tried to suffocate him with a plastic bag before stripping him naked and then burying him in the sand in the early hours of the morning.

I gotta say, it used to be like, sorry Canada, we said something weird about you. Now I feel like it's almost every fourth episode I have some reason to say something about Brazil. Your giant snakes, your piranhas, your aliens.

I don't know if we have any Brazilian listeners though.

I'm not saying I'm worried about it. They can listen all they want. If we have Brazilian listeners, they're just gonna agree with me. But it is a wild scene down there for sure. For sure. Also, if someone's gonna beat you with a shovel, they're already probably proficient with shovels. So you can just expect the next logical move as you're getting buried. Like if they beat you with a chain, I guess you might get chained up. I don't know. Does every weapon have to have multiple uses?

I also don't know that every weapon needs to have a corresponding finishing move the way that you are talking about them. God damn, hooligan teens in Brazil though sound rough.

No, they don't sound great.

Well, the reason this is a great transition into the next part of the episode is because these teenage hooligans are not the only people who have buried someone alive on purpose. And that's the next section of this episode. Buried alive on purpose!

We're going to move into buried alive on purpose, but I think there is some questioning to be done, which is, you said they beat them with a shovel, and then they also suffocated in with a bag. So it sounds like they buried them alive by accident. These people really felt like they were going out of the way to kill a human being, and just were not, they're not as good at killing as they are digging shallow graves.

Yeah, I think they thought this guy.

So it's buried alive by accident, in this case.

True, true. Well, Ed once again comes through with the correction.

I'm happy to move away from buried alive by accident, but I just feel like if we were being strict with our definitions in deducing that story's, I'm not gonna say anyone's a hero in that story, but that story's villains.

I mean, I wish I had a segment that was buried alive by teenagers, exclamation point, but I don't. We're just going straight into buried alive on purpose.

That's fine. I think no one's gonna miss it. If we end up finding enough teenagers, here's the thing, it's just a different, because now everyone's like, teenagers are so lazy, I'm like, are they? They spent hours trying to kill that guy and then buried them. It seems like teenagers are just unfocused. They're not lazy.

Well, live burial has long been used as a form of punishment, torture and execution. And there's evidence that it was practiced all over the world for a variety of reasons. It's actually so common that it was almost, not almost, it was hard for me to decide which examples to discuss. There's more Buried Alive on purpose stories than Buried Alive by accident stories by far. But I think it's maybe not as scary because it feels a little bit less relevant because it's not something that is practiced very often today. The way the live burial by accident can happen to us now today. But man, humans love this shit. One of the earliest live burials on record, although the record is in some question, but one of the earliest live burials on record was carried out by the first emperor of a unified China. During this emperor's reign, books and texts deemed to be subversive were burned and 460 Confucian scholars were reportedly buried alive in 212 BC. So this ancient, ancient, ancient. And we do have texts documenting this event, but modern scholars are doubtful that it happened exactly as recorded because the author of the account was an official of the Han dynasty. So they feel like the scholar, the author of this text was probably, as they would say, throwing shade on the first emperor and portraying him as unfavorably as possible.

All right, makes sense. But also, wasn't there an emperor of China who buried the Terracotta army or whatever? It was like a bunch of statues, a full army of statues underground. So I think they're just all about burying.

The Terracotta army, I think, was more of like a, we've buried an emperor and now we've put these Terracotta warriors here to protect him. Whereas this was just like, fuck you. We're throwing you in the ground. You're subversive.

No, I don't like that. I don't like that stuff. It might be coming back, that kind of mentality, all over the world, but I don't love it.

The Germans, it may not surprise you at all. I shouldn't talk shit on Germans, but the Germans had a brutal form of live burial that was recorded in the historian Tacitus' work.

Sure.

T-A-C-I-T-U-S, Tacitus.

T-G-I-F, TGIF's work.

Tic Tacitus. The Germans had a brutal form of live burial recorded in the historian Tic Tacitus' work, Germania.

Sure. Here come the letters.

He reported that the ancient Germans thought that crime should be exposed, whereas infamy should be buried out of sight. So traitors and thieves would be hung, but people guilty of dishonorable or shameful vices like cowardice would be buried alive.

Interesting.

And the way that they buried people alive, I don't know why this one feels so awful to me.

A Boo Box?

No.

A Boo Box from fucking, where's that in the fear tier? That's something I think about once a year.

The Boo Box is way up there.

That's a children's film. It's a children's film.

Yes.

In case people don't know, I'm not going to get into it, but go back and rewatch.

Hook.

Go back and watch Steven Spielberg's Hook. It's got one of the more vile punishments I've ever seen in anything in it.

Yeah.

All right, moving on. You were saying?

Well, in this case, this is almost as bad as the boo box. The victim or the person who is being punished would be tied to a wicker frame, then pushed face down into the mud and buried.

Well, you're not alive for long then, but you're going to suffocate.

Yeah. But I don't know, just something about that, being tied to a frame and then turned to face down and just smushed into gross mud and suffocating is in some ways almost worse.

Yeah. I mean, it's not dissimilar from dunking witches. It's just any of this face down suffocation stuff is not a vibe.

Not a vibe. Bearing People Alive was also an ancient Persian custom, which they practiced in order to be blessed by the gods.

So they suffocate you in a big rug?

Not quite. Not quite. Or maybe. I don't know. I shouldn't say. Maybe there was a Persian who did that. But in the book Histories, Herodotus wrote, They, in this case, they, is referring to Xerxes and his troops, marched into the nine ways of the Adonian, to the bridges, and found the banks of the Strymon, united by a bridge. But being informed that this place was called by the name of the nine ways, they buried alive so many in it, so many sons and daughters of inhabitants. It is a Persian custom to bury people alive, for I have heard that Amestris, wife of Xerxes, having grown old, caused 14 children of the best families in Persia to be buried alive, to show her gratitude to the god who is said to be beneath the earth.

Oh, what?

So basically they used the earth, they were making mailboxes essentially. They were shipping these people in sacrifice down to where their god lived?

I guess. I mean, the syntax of that quote from histories is a little rocky.

It's a little Alta Vista, if you ask me.

Wait, what? What do you mean it's Alta Vista?

I always consider Alta Vista, I mean, I don't want to lose out on a huge Alta Vista sponsorship deal, but I always think of Alta Vista as like the first place I remember on the internet where you would translate things and I just always associate it with like bad translations.

I gotcha, I gotcha.

Because it's like early internet translating, like before Google Translate and all that shit. But isn't Xerxes the king there? They're fighting in 300.

Yes, I believe so.

I'm glad those Spartans put a stop to his burying ways. I actually don't remember the end of the film. Did they succeed? I don't know.

They should have included this in the movie. It would have made him seem like a real bad dude.

Well, they fought in the shade. I remember that much.

The Swedes also got in on this. The Swedes buried people alive, a peaceful people, in 1611, in Smallland, Sweden, a man faced a death sentence from the Sanerbo District Court for committing bestiality with a horse.

Sure.

So a real old school Mr. Hands situation here.

Yeah, but also like, fucking, is that death sentence? I mean, get that guy out of town, sure. But like, is that death sentenciable?

Seems like it, because this isn't the only guy who had this issue.

Get less hot horses.

Yeah, they...

Victims shame the horse.

They had a full center spread in, nay, boy.

Oh my God, I have to keep that in. You dumb idiot. You just signed your death warrant.

They call me the sniper.

But every bullet hits me. Not me, I'm saying, this is you saying it.

Yeah. So in this case, the court's archives that exist indicate that the prescribed punishment for bestiality with this horse was either live burial or burning at the stake along with the animal.

Wow, so now the animal's like, what the animal do? The animal didn't do anything.

Well, I didn't write this down. I should have dug up the episode, but like two years ago, I was listening to a podcast while I was driving and I can't for the life of me even remember what the podcast was now. But it was this really interesting podcast about the history of court cases where animals had been put on trial. And I guess this happened, this happened a lot. Like pigs would be put on trial, sheep, cows, like they were treated in some cultures. They had some degree of like legal rights that could be taken away. So there were animals that were like banished and animals that were burned alive, animals that were, I'm pretty sure one of the stories was about hanging a pig or hanging a goat. So these sorts of things did happen. Anyway, in this case, we don't actually know what happened to this guy and his horse because the sentence required the king's approval and we only have the court archives that give the punishment options. We don't know what the king chose.

It's buried alive. Do we need to even have this discussion? No one's choosing burned alive over buried alive.

Probably not.

It seems like a no. Oh, you're saying, but if it's the king's choice, then you might end up at the short end of the stick for sure.

Yes, the king is making the choice, not the sentence.

Okay, got you, got you, got you.

Correct. So this was 1611. A few years later in 1616, we do have the results of a case against 18-year-old farmhand Tifrid, who was sentenced by the governor in Jönkköping, Sweden to be buried alive with the cow with which he had committed bestiality.

Sure.

So I think the lesson here is just go jerk off. And don't do it. Don't commit the bestiality.

It's like Travolta in Pulp Fiction. He's just talking to the mirror. He's like, you gonna go home? You gonna jerk off? It's all you gonna do.

Yeah, exactly.

I think these people need to have that come to Jesus moment, I think, in the bathroom near the barn for sure. Like, that's a better way to live.

Yeah, Two Frid was walking the fields, throwing glances over at the cow, thinking...

Or feeling like it was reciprocated.

Yeah, and it's like, I'm gonna ask it out.

I'm gonna ask it out. I mean, if everything you just said was actually in the, like, King's Court transcript, it would be unbelievable.

Well, somewhere in the long and storied history of burying people alive, the term emmurement came into use. Now, some people use emmurement interchangeably with live burial, but it's not technically the same thing. The major difference between a live burial and emmurement is that the victim of a live burial dies from asphyxiation, whereas someone who is emmured usually starves to death. Because emmurement usually refers more to the idea of someone being walled up or put in the floor or put in some small, basically a small space where you're not, it's not as small as a coffin, but you are going to last a couple of days and then just die from starvation or dehydration.

Sure.

So one of the earliest places and probably the most well-known uses of this is from during the Roman Empire when emmurement was punishment for the vestal virgins who broke their vows of celibacy.

Sure.

So Ed, do you know the vestal virgins?

I do actually, but I was going to say it's Hellenistic, so it doesn't really make sense. I was going to say I want to say that Medusa had some sort of similar oath.

Oh, maybe she did. I don't know. The vestal virgins, they were essentially young women who were taken or given from respected, usually higher class respected Roman families. They were considered to be free of any mental or physical defects, and they were to take a vow of celibacy, which was taken very seriously, and they committed themselves to tending to a sacred fire, honoring Vesta, the goddess of home and family. So if a vestal virgin broke her vow of celibacy, then she was punished with death and buried in the city. Now, this proved to be difficult for two reasons. First, spilling the blood of a vestal virgin was forbidden, and second, under Roman law, no person was to be buried within the city. So I don't know exactly how it came to be that the two things that were involved in punishing vestal virgins were also technically illegal, but it meant that the Romans had to get creative as to how they would get rid of the vestal virgins.

Sure.

And what they came up with, according to a dictionary of Greek and Roman antiquities that I referenced online, after being condemned, so after being found guilty of breaking her vow of celibacy, a vestal's executioners would prepare for her a very small vault in the ground, usually containing a couch and a small amount of food and water, and then the vestal would be led into the vault where she would be sealed in and left to die a slow and likely agonizing death.

Sure.

So that got them around...

Because that way you can't spill... They're not spilling blood.

They're not spilling blood, and she wasn't being buried within the city. She was just being restrained within the city.

It's like Batman Begins. He's like, I can't kill you, but I also don't have to save you.

Man, I kind of feel like, I guess Batman hasn't taken a vow of celibacy, but he's such a sexless character that I feel like he sort of did.

Yeah, yeah. I mean, he doesn't have a time. He's fighting crime all day and night basically.

Yeah. I did see a very funny picture online, I think somewhere during the Snyderverse thing where somebody posted a, there was a Catwoman sex scene with Batman that somebody had posted. I don't remember why. And I was like, oh damn, it was very graphic.

It was a comic book?

I believe so, yeah.

I mean, the Tom King run with Batman, he definitely, they were a couple for sure, but I couldn't, I didn't read it all, so I couldn't tell you if, how much of what you saw was fan fiction or from the pages of a DC comic book.

Yeah, it absolutely could have been fan fiction, I don't know. But yeah, I do just Batman and Superman both, even though they have relationships, I guess, they always seem so.

Yeah, Superman's a boy scout, same thing. He's kind of a sexless dude. He's an alien though, so, you know, it's kind of what are the rules on that. But that's not why we're here. We're not here to talk about the sex lives of superheroes. That's a totally different episode.

We're not here to talk about Batman's dick. We're here to talk about...

Yeah, although I have that issue where they showed Batman's dick.

It does have wings.

No, no, no, they showed his dick a couple years ago in an issue, and it was recalled. And then they ended up re-releasing the book in this series. I think it was called Batman Damned. It was like a large format book. And yeah, they showed his dick in a panel. And then they were like, you know what? We're going to correct that because we're getting a lot of crazy news articles.

How's he looking? Was our boy hung?

I'm not going to get into it.

Okay. All right.

I mean, it doesn't help that they had to release it in a large format edition.

They released it in large format, and it's just a very tiny dick. In a large painting.

Yeah.

How embarrassing.

A treasury edition. Oh, here's a Medusa update. She was, in fact, a Vestal Virgin.

Oh, look at that.

Yeah, Medusa. Who's Greek?

Okay, so close.

Roman.

Wait, so Romans and Greeks had Vestal Virgins?

It would appear that way. Because I think they come from the god Vestra or something, who was probably like... I mean, the Romans were just so into Hellenistic Greek shit anyway.

True. Right.

Either way, she was... And it's really fucking greasy. Like, I only know this because Medusa got done real dirty. Like, she was just a Vestal Virgin, and she was raped by some of the gods, like Neptune or some asshole. And then they were like, well, you had sex, you big idiot. Guess we gotta throw you in the sea or whatever to kill you or turn your fucking hair into snakes. It was like a punishment. The whole thing was a punishment for her breaking the vows of being a Vestal Virgin, but she had nothing to do with that. And so I was always like, that's fucking greasy, dude. That sucks for her. Shit. But she's the bad guy in the myth. So, I don't know, I learned a lot. I was just like, man, you know, this is kind of a bummer.

I just learned a lot too.

I could have made it all up. Who knows?

Well, something that isn't made up is that punishments of a similar manner were also handed down in the Middle Ages by the Roman Catholic Church to nuns or monks who broke their vows of chastity or express heretical ideas.

Tracks.

Tracks, definitely tracks. Unlike the virgin vestals or vestal virgins, these shamed nuns and monks were to be sealed in a tomb, not to die within days, but to live out a longer life in complete isolation. Known as vade in pacem or go into peace, the punish would go without any sort of contact or sight of the outside world, only having food dropped to them through a small opening. There were also a not insignificant number of monks and nuns who chose amirament as a lifestyle. These were known as anchorites, someone who for religious reasons withdraws from secular society to be able to lead a prayer oriented or Eucharist focused life. So kind of like hermits, except they were required to take a vow. This is kind of interesting and weird. I don't really know why they were required to do this, but they were required to take a vow of stability of place. So they were essentially hermits that didn't talk to anyone and kept to themselves and just prayed their whole lives, except they had to do it in a permanent space. And usually they opted for a permanent enclosure in a cell that was attached to a church. In the fourth century AD., a nun named Alexandra mirrored herself in a tomb for 10 years. And St. Jerome spoke of one follower who spent his entire life in a cistern consuming no more than five figs a day.

Whole life meaning like as a baby, they were put into a cistern?

I mean, I assume entire life after the point that they chose to do this, not entire life of like shot out of mom into a cistern.

What do you mean you dropped my baby in a cistern? I'm sure they'll be fine.

Yeah, we locked that little shit in there.

The only thing we can get in the hole besides your baby was some Bibles.

We didn't want it to grow up into a hooligan hitting people with a shovel.

Yeah, that kid's got shovel hands. We better get the good Lord's word down there fast. Curb this.

Sometimes these anchorites could be visited and you could receive spiritual advice through a little window in the cell, which I mean, I guess it was a different time. I don't know that I'd want to take advice spiritual or otherwise from a person who's like, I live in a cistern. I eat no more than five figs a day. And here's what I think you should do with your life.

Yeah, yeah. It's also funny that it's like that's their advice for everything. It's like, hey, you know, I want to get a promotion at work, but the only way to kind of get noticed is if I go around this other employee, you know, what do you think I should do? It's like move to a cistern, eat four ounces of fucking air a day.

Yeah.

And it was like, really? That's what you're... Oh, yeah, that's definitely how to get out of this situation. Another person comes. It was like, hey, I'm really interested in my partner and I'm thinking about asking him to marry me, but I'm concerned that, you know, I don't make enough. Whatever is like, ah, cistern, bro. You got a cistern on this one.

I'm trying to mend my relationship with my parents. Interesting. So do you have access to a small hole in the ground and grass? This is going to suck?

Well, no, that's the thing is I live with my parents in their cistern. So that's what's deteriorating our relationship. I need to move out of a cistern for this to really, I think, work. And the guy's like, I don't know how to help you. I don't know how to help you. I don't know why anyone would leave a cistern.

I'd watch at least a couple episodes of a sitcom called Cistern, Cistern about two twin sisters who live in a cistern.

Oh my God, we got to get those.

Cistern, cistern.

How'd you get those cisterns? You're talking about Sister, Sister with Tia and Tamara?

Yeah.

But now they live in a cistern.

In the Middle Ages, and they offer spiritual advice.

Yeah. I wonder if there was a... I didn't watch. I think it went a bunch of seasons, but I'd be very unlikely if there was a time travel episode where they were like... In that very special episode, they have to live in a cistern.

Very unlikely.

And it was one of those things where they had to share a room probably, and the parents were like, it's fine. You can share a room. And they're like, I don't want to share a room with my sister. Then through some weird thing, they get transported back to the Middle Ages and have to live in a cistern together. So that when they get back to the present day, they were like, we don't know what we were thinking. Mom, we'll share a room this week. And the mom's like, I wonder what got into them. They seem completely fine with this now. And then whatever small Sabrina, the teenage witch cat, like winks to the camera.

Yeah, the girls think it's a dream, but then when they go to get in bed, there's dirt and hay under the covers.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Shit, dude, it writes itself. And that was a time period you could write that episode.

Absolutely.

And be like, congratulated for it.

And have a house, have a house from it.

Yeah, you'd buy a house from writing that episode. It would fucking be nominated for something.

We're not bitter at all. Anyway, a lot of, not a lot, but some of these Anchorite bodies have been found in buildings or were found over the ages in buildings and in churches and basements and stuff, because even if pirates or looters were pillaging their towns, some of these Anchorites would refuse to leave because they felt that their souls would be damned for spiritual dereliction. So they would just get burned to death in whatever, you know, back room of a church that they were in, because they figured they'd at least go to heaven. But that's not the only reason amir bodies are sometimes found in the walls of buildings. Throughout parts of Europe, medieval folk songs attest to the use of amirment as a human sacrifice to remedy problems in a construction project or to bestow it with strength. So here we go. I hope you're into Albanian oral tradition, which sounds like porn you should not have on your computer. So this, I guess there's a famous story in the Albanian oral tradition. Well, it's in both the Albanian oral tradition and the Slavic oral tradition called the Castle of Škodra, S-H-K-O-D-R-A. And in this legend of the Castle of Škodra, the story goes that three brothers would uselessly toil at building these walls that would disappear at night. I don't know why they would disappear. I don't know what kind of magic was involved, but apparently the brothers would work all day. They'd build these walls, and the walls would come down at night.

Sure, it's an allegory.

Probably an allegory. They were told, not sure by whom, but somebody told them that they had to bury one of their wives in the wall. And these three brothers decided that they would choose the one who brought them lunch the next day.

Wow.

Which I double checked to make sure I was reading this correctly. They did choose, I feel like you'd choose the wives who didn't bring you lunch. I guess maybe it's supposed to be like they chose whoever they tricked into showing up maybe is the idea.

I still, I mean, I don't know. It's not a great partnership if you have to trick them into bringing you food.

Well, it's not a great partnership if you're going to put her in the wall when she brings you food anyway.

Yeah. And I should mention that that is not to imply that ladies should just be bringing people food by virtue of being the partner. I'm just saying if you're like, hey, we're going to be working on the wall again today, any chance, you know, I'm not going to be able to step away. You can maybe bring us a sandwich or something that would be tight. If you're not busy.

The wife's like, oh, you're going to be working on the wall again, the one that's never there the next morning. Huh.

Yeah.

Sure.

Sounds like you guys are just going to drink all day.

Yeah. I don't know. It's just, it won't stay.

I guess now that you say that, if you are the partner of, or the wife in this case, of three guys who every day come home empty handed and every day have nothing to show for the labor they've done. Yeah. Maybe you're not in bringing sandwich terms anymore. You're like, this is tearing us apart. This, whatever this obsession you have.

Well, so get this. So the three brothers decide the pledge to wallop the wife who brings them lunch. And they also make an agreement to not warn their spouses. Two of the brothers though, do warn their wives. So those wives stay home, leaving only the wife of the man described in this myth as the quote, honest brother to die.

The one guy who definitely like lied through omission.

Yeah. I don't know what this Albanian folk tale says about Albanians. I'm sorry if you are Albanian, but it does seem like maybe they, at least this folk tale has some strange moral codes at work.

Yeah, or it was translated by Alta Vista in the 90s.

Or that. But check this out. So this is what an image this is. The wife accepts her fate, but she asks to leave three parts of her body exposed. Her foot to rock her infant son's cradle, her breast with which to feed the infant son, and her hand to stroke the infant's hair.

How tall is this infant? In my mind, she's being walled in vertically.

I don't even understand. I don't know, but the image to me of a woman in the wall with a foot, a breast and a hand exposed is like, what a fucking gothic horror image that is.

Yeah, I usually have to go to Berlin or something to find that kind of fetish on display.

So then this even gets a little bit, I don't want to say weirder, but I just find all this very interesting. So this legend has been retold in various languages over the centuries. One of the most famous versions of the legend is from a Serbian epic poem called The Building of Skadar, published by Vuk Karadžić, who also recorded it as a folk song with a Herzegovian storyteller named Old Rashko.

Wow. And we definitely shouldn't use AI to make this, right? This song.

I don't know.

We're not inserting an AI made song about this walled up woman right now. I'm just kidding.

Please, please do.

But if it was, we're going to jail.

In order to keep head out of artistic jail and potentially actual jail, you can find that song, which is sure to top the Hot Country 100 chart in this episode's show notes.

So anyway, this version of the song in the Serbian language is the oldest version of the legend collected and the first to earn literary fame because in 1824, a copy of the folk song, again about walling a woman up with her hands and feet and boobs hanging out of the wall, was sent to none other than Jacob Grimm, one of the brothers Grimm, who was enthralled by it. Grimm translated it into German and described it as, quote, one of the most touching poems of all nations and all times.

I mean, it is touching. It is selfless where the person, I guess, agrees to be walled up. I've watched walls be made, not a super fast process. So they had to sit there and be walled up. But then also it's selfless because it's like, I might be being walled up, but I still am so connected to this child. I need to be a mother even whilst walled away so I can see how they'd find it touching.

I guess.

Are you fucking sociopath?

I mean, I guess she's touching her child with her dead foot. So I mean, there's that.

No, I think there's a version of this where she's just walled away for a while and everything's still working.

Sure.

The baby's being rocked. It's not like she walled away and instantly died. She's got air. There's three holes in the wall. She could probably catch stuff with her hands in there, eat it, catch a rat.

Either way, I don't think this one's getting turned into a Disney movie anytime soon. Although, I'd love to see them try.

It could have been turned into a... Do you remember when Disney actually had other movies that were trying to go up against it? You'd have all dogs go to heaven, and it's just like, hey, what if Disney animated movie was fucking terrifying?

Well, those are all Don Bluth's movies, right?

Yeah, Don Bluth's movies, which were all, in my opinion, pretty scary. So I bet you Don Bluth or whoever made The Last Unicorn would fucking make this movie.

Yeah, Last Unicorn.

Or Rock and Rule. Did you ever see Rock and Rule?

No, but I...

That like Canadian heavy metal style animation?

I'm trying to think who made The Last Unicorn, because I remember that poster.

Oh, it's like two people's names. Rankin, Rankin and Bass.

Oh, that was a Rankin and Bass movie.

Yeah, and it's terrifying and has bad songs, and the unicorn has very skinny legs.

My writing partner likes that movie.

Come on, Jen, get your life together.

She has a poster of it. That's why I can picture the poster.

Oh yeah, I think she has it in the kitchen or some wacky place.

But anyway, some scholars have, I think correctly, noted that this poem's spirit is superstitiously barbaric, but Grimm's opinion has prevailed, and the ballad continues to be admired by generations of folk singers and ballad scholars.

Ballad scholars? I didn't even know that was a job. But it does sound like a group of people who would love the AI song that you can find in our show notes right now. Hit the show notes for this. I don't know the terms and conditions on this shit, so just go check out the show notes and hear this song and tell all the ballad scholars you know to go check it out.

This next story is a Greek story called The Bridge of Arta.

The bridge is tough.

The bridge is tough.

The bridge is tough because it's like, where am I going? It's like, all right, listen, all right, you're going to take a left at the old oak tree, then you're going to cross a bridge with one tit and a foot hanging out of it. And then if...

Don't touch either of those things.

That's 100% a curse if you do. But yeah, it is funny that it's like, okay, if you get to the wall with the tit and the foot, you've gone too far, is what I'm saying. So you're going to flip around and you're going to use the bridge with a foot and a dick hanging out of it.

This bridge also, there were numerous failed attempts to build this bridge in the city of Arta. A team of skilled builders toiled away only to find their work demolished over and over again. Legend has it that a maiden was imbued in the walls of a local church as a sacrifice to help the masons complete the bridge, and supposedly it was a local priest who invited all of the most beautiful maidens to a feast and selected the most beautiful one, Madala, to serve as the sacrifice. In the story, she falls into a deep sleep after the priest offers her wine from a quote, certain goblet, and then she was walled up and the bridge was miraculously completed.

Wow. Which that one's annoying, because at least the first story, it has a supernatural element. The first story is like, every day we wipe our hands clean and we say it was another job well done, and then the wall disappears. Where this one, they say the bridge keeps being destroyed. Maybe instead of Cosby saucing some fucking person in your town as a solution, She drank from the Cosby cup. Yeah, cup of a carpenter, cup of a Cosby. Yeah, the cup of a Cosby. But I think what you should really be focusing your energy on is finding the people who keep destroying your bridge and telling them to stop.

Correct.

Because it said destroyed. It didn't say fucking fell down, like the keystone didn't work. There's some kids with shovels came and banged it down every time.

I find it interesting that there are these folk tales. I've never heard a folk tale where the trope is three Albanian brothers can't finish a wall. But apparently that was like a whole thing. Between that and this bridge of Arta, the idea that there's a trope in folk tales of the building that can't be finished until someone's walled up inside of it.

Maybe it's like a The Sun Also Rises situation. These are all just like allegories and analogies for guys who can't get it up. I'm not even kidding. Like at that time period, it could be like, well, you can't make a baby unless you can trap a woman. You got to trap a woman.

Before you can make a baby. This was getting real weird. All right. Before we close out people who were buried alive on purpose, my favorite story about people who were buried alive on purpose coincides with another one of my long fascinations, which is nostalgia and its corrosive effects, both on individual people and its corrosive effects on society.

Yeah. Nostalgia is a vampire.

Nostalgia I think is very bad, even though I suffer from intense bouts of nostalgia sometimes, which is why I think I had a fascination with it. The whole thing is probably a conversation for another episode, but a few years ago I was doing some research on the subject of nostalgia and discovered that I'm not alone in thinking that it can have negative effects, and some people go to great lengths to prevent those effects. So just brief background, in 1688 the term nostalgia was coined by Johann Hofer, a Swiss medical student. It's a portmanteau of ancient Greek words, nostos meaning home or homecoming, and algos meaning pain. He also coined the term nostomania or the obsession with one's home. And one of the books I was reading on nostalgia describes it as such. Hofer describes a serious disease, one that could progress from simple physical ailments like a ringing in the ears or indigestion to near catatonia and even death. Its root cause, according to Hofer, was the quite continuous vibration of animal spirits through those fibers of the middle brain in which impressed traces of ideas of the fatherland still cling. Hofer concluded that nostalgia admits no remedy other than a return to the homeland, and this is where we loop back around to the topic of the episode, because in 1733, and I don't know my history, so I don't know which war this was, but, I mean, the Russians, God, how many wars have they fought?

Sure.

In 1733, the Russian army became so concerned that troops suffering from nostalgia, which again, they thought of as a physical disease, would flee the front to return home that they developed a brutal way of putting a stop to it.

Well, before you tell me how brutal it is, it's weird because they're using nostalgia the way we use homesickness.

Yes.

That is not, those are two different things in modern language. Like nostalgia is a memory towards a time and place where they seem to have it so directly connected to a place place.

Yes.

Or the feelings of that place. So like they're describing homesickness, which is funny because they're describing it as a sickness with physical ailments and we refer to homesickness as homesickness.

Yes.

But nostalgia could be for fucking Star Wars or being 16.

Although I think back in the day in the 1700s or the 1600s, there was probably less of that.

Well, there was less things to be nostalgia of.

Yeah. Like it was more connected to the people you'd left behind at home, your physical home. There wasn't as much media that people were necessarily nostalgic for. They might have been nostalgic for that hot cow.

I got to get back to Bessie, the cow.

The one who got away.

No, the one I got buried with. Also, there was no probably 0% globalization. So it was like, I want to just get back where people eat the food I eat and talk the way I talk. Especially if you're on the front lines of a war in a foreign country.

Anyway, Russian physicians recommended live burial to anyone who started showing symptoms of nostalgia as the most effective way to stop the spread of the disease.

Why was that prescribed? I want three days in a hole and then call me in the morning?

No, I think it was just probably as both a physical, if the person was infected with something, you bury them alive and keep them from spreading it, but also it made a pretty striking statement of, hey, if you start feeling homesick, you're going to suffer for it. I think it was kind of a warning.

I don't want to hear any more about this homesick shit. We're not going back to Russia. We're busy. We're on a campaign. You can be in the ground or you could be in the front lines, which I think both end with you in the ground.

Yes, but you have some horrible foreign diseases to catch that have nothing to do with longing for your homeland.

But it is interesting that you were like, it's the physician's choice. It wasn't the crime and punishment arm of this. It was the doctor was like, I think what this guy needs is to be buried for a while. That's why I thought maybe they get to come out because it was the doctor that said it.

Yes, it is interesting that it's the doctor who said it.

You're supposed to like do no harm. You're a fucking doctor. You should never be like, oh, that's a pretty, yeah, you're right. That's a pretty bad cough you have. Perhaps just walk into the sea. It's not a solution.

Well, yeah, I think we should clarify that these doctors weren't recommending being buried for a day or two and then being dug up. They were just saying kill them, throw them in the ground and kill them.

Those are bad doctors.

Well, what are you going to do? You have limited tools to work with. Well, I wanted to try to find a way to end this episode on a slightly happier note, I guess. We've been talking about live burial for the past two episodes. So the last four to five hours that we've been recording, we've been talking about some real bummers. So I challenged myself to see if I could find a happier way to end this episode. And while it's tough to find happy stories of being buried alive, I did find something very similar that kind of blew my mind. I never heard of this before. There's this incredible story, or I guess really a practice more than a story, but of Japanese Shingon monks who mummified themselves alive.

Excuse me?

You heard me correct. Mummified themselves alive. It's a practice called Sokushin Butsu or becoming quote, a Buddha in this body. So I, as previously discussed, not a big fan of taking spiritual advice from somebody who is choosing to wall themselves up alive.

Sure.

And far be it from me to offer any spiritual guidance to our listeners. But I would say that this is something you definitely should not try at home no matter how much you want to become a Buddha in this body. This is only for the best of the best. It's such an intense act of devotion that over the course of almost a thousand years from 1081 to 1903, only 20 monks ever completed the process. And according to records, the first guy who tried it in 1081 failed. So this is not something to be undertaken lightly.

And you said this was going to be a lighthearted story that we had been talking about too many dark, weird, sad things.

It's dark and weird, but I didn't say lighthearted. I said happier, because monks who... This was an act of extreme religious devotion. It was undertaken willingly. It was something that was seen as a devout spiritual practice. So while dark and weird, it's something that the people who undertook it were not afraid of, or perhaps facing their fear of it was part of their spiritual journey. Monks on a path towards Sokushinbutsu believed that this sacrificial act, which was all done in emulation of a 9th century monk named Kukai, would grant them access to Tushita Heaven, where they would live for 1.6 million years, a very specific amount of time.

Very specific, yeah.

And be blessed with the ability to protect humans on Earth. So the monks believed, basically, that they needed their physical bodies to accompany their spiritual selves in Tushita Heaven. So they embarked on this journey that was as devoted as it was painful, mummifying themselves from the inside out to prevent their body's decomposition after death. This process perfected over centuries.

Oh, perfected? 20 people were able to get it right. I don't know how perfected they got it.

Well, the process took at least three years, which is an unimaginable amount of time to dedicate to mummifying oneself alive.

Hey, what are you doing on Friday? Want to go out? I got to do some mummification shit. Really? Still? And it's like, yeah, I got like two more years of this.

Well, we've been doing this podcast since October, and I feel like this has been something that's been difficult to do for six months. I can't imagine mummifying myself alive for three years.

I mean, that's just revealing kind of how weak-willed you are, man. You'll never make it in this order of monks. I can just tell right now. They'll take one look at you and go, this guy doesn't have the fortitude, the mental fortitude to give up his Friday nights to put down his goblets of IPAs and really do the hard business of mummification.

Truly. Well, the first step, Ed, Mr. Big Shot, Mr. Big Talk.

Hey, listen, I'm not joining the group. I'm not joining the order. I love my Friday nights. I can't give it up to mummification.

The first thing they had to do because they were living in a relatively humid climate was to dehydrate the body from the inside out. So the monks adopted a diet known as tree eating. They foraged through nearby forests and subsisted only on tree roots, nuts, berries, tree bark and pine needles. One source also reported finding river rocks in the bellies of some of these mummies.

We joke about this all the time, but I feel like we can find a place in LA that's still doing the tree diet.

Probably. Yes, I'm sure.

This is the only city in the world that you can have the weirdest food habits, and they're like, we got a place for you.

There's definitely some actors and actresses that I would describe as dehydrated from the inside out.

Sure, we won't name them here.

We won't name them here, but you can guess. Eating this way eliminated any fat and muscle from the practitioner's frame. It also prevented future decomposition by depriving the body's naturally occurring bacteria of vital nutrients and moisture. And on a spiritual level, the idea was that these extended, isolated quests for food would have a hardening effect on the monk's morale, disciplining him and encouraging contemplation.

Yeah, the contemplation I'd be having is why did I do this?

I know, the contemplation I'd be having would be, I'd love a cheeseburger right now.

Yeah.

How many days, Ed, do you think they had to eat this way for?

I mean, we know it takes three years, so...

Well, the whole process takes three years.

Over a thousand days.

Yes. The diet would typically last for about a thousand days, though some monks would repeat the course two or three times to best prepare themselves.

Well, because you fail every fucking time.

Can you imagine you're on day 998 and you eat an insect and you have to start over?

You know, they say that we swallow eight spiders a year in our sleep. So that's got to really chop their ass knowing that. Fuck, man. I got to start all over again because I ate a fucking daddy long legs.

Well, after these thousand days, if you made it that far, if you didn't swallow any spiders down...

No, there's probably a rule about that.

You had to begin your live embalming process. So they're not entirely sure about this, but evidence shows that monks may have drank a tea brewed of urushi, which is the sap of the Chinese lacquer tree.

I'm glad they're still keeping it in the tree diet.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Parameters.

No chemicals here, just drinking a tree, and it would render their bodies toxic to insects after death.

Oh, interesting.

So again, thinking ahead to they don't want their bodies to decompose. They don't want their bodies to be chowed on by anything. So at this point, a thousand days into their tree diet, drinking the urushi tea, they are not drinking anything more than a small amount of water along with this tea, and the monks would continue meditating. And as death approached, the devotees would rest in a small tightly cramped pine box. Sounds a lot like a coffin.

Yeah, sure does.

Which fellow monks would lower about 10 feet into the ground. And then what they would do, because again, they're not burying you alive to punish you or to torture you, they would stick a bamboo rod down into that tightly cramped pine box so that you could breathe. Then they would cover the coffin with charcoal and leave the buried monk a small bell that he would ring a few times a day to notify the others that he was still alive. And for days in that coffin, the monk would breathe through the bamboo tube, meditate in total darkness, and ring the bell. And when the ringing stopped, the above ground monks would assume, correctly, that the underground monk had died. They would seal the tomb, and they would leave the corpse for another thousand days. Now get this, this is the kind of fucked up part. After unearthing the coffin, the other monks would inspect the body for signs of decay. If the body stayed intact, the monks believed that the deceased had reached Sokun Shinbutsu and would dress the body in robes and place it in a temple for worship. Monks gave those bodies showing any decay a modest burial. So you could do all that for thousands of days, only to get sort of like a toss them in the pit.

That's a silver medal. You train for three and a half years, three years, 360 days, then the gun goes off and you come in second. That sucks. All that work.

Over a hundred monks over these thousand years made the attempt and only two dozen-ish succeeded.

Well, it's got to really be annoying because you know like out the gate, they built like a place with like a hundred spots for these types of monks.

Yeah.

And it's like, we're not filling these up that fast. It looks pretty, kind of doesn't look great in here that we have so many like empty monk holes or whatever were supposed to be mummies. And it's just these like 20 dudes.

Yeah.

What is that, a space heater and a broom in here? And it was like, listen, a lot of these tombs aren't being used. So this is a bad use of space.

Yeah. We really thought we had this. There's a very funny picture. One of the bodies was resumed, was exhumed in the 60s. And there's a photo of it, of the body. It's at rest in a Buddhist temple in southwest Japan, but somebody has put sunglasses on it. He looks really cool. But it seems a little disrespectful.

That's what I'm thinking. There's no way where they were like, you want to do one with sunglasses? Like, we're not on a weekend of burning this guy.

Yeah. It's like do a serious one. And then, okay, guys, now we're going to do a goofy one. Sunglasses on.

When you say exhumed, do you mean just like took them out of a wall? Like, they're not really burying it. I mean, they want those guys on display, right? Like, they're champions in their field. So, they just like put into like a, you know, when you go to a mausoleum or something, is it just like walled in and not necessarily underground anymore?

So, they were placed at rest in their...

Like tombs.

Tombs.

Okay, yeah.

But then, in 1877, the government of Japan criminalized, or I guess, I don't know if it was a national criminalization, but the Meiji government, so that might have been one of their prefectures, criminalized it in 1877, because the practice they felt was anachronistic and depraved. So, the last monk to die through this process did so illegally in 1903, and that's the guy whose remains were exhumed by researchers.

Oh, wow. So, they were like, oh, we can put sunglasses on a criminal.

Yeah, well, he was a cool guy criminal. They should have given him like a little gangster hat too.

I mean, hell yeah. Or a leather jacket or something.

Yeah. I'll see if I can find that picture. We'll put it in the show notes.

Okay.

So, that's it. I wanted to end on that note. I think it's not a bad way to wrap up.

You wanted to end on Sunglasses McGee, fucking Ricky Sunglasses?

I wanted to end on the poochy of Japanese self-mummified monks.

Yeah. I like that story. It was a lot of fun. That last one was fun.

Yeah. These guys...

And it got even funner towards the end.

Yeah. They were dedicated to a real strange journey. Not one that I would go on, but I guess, you know, God bless them.

I don't know if I would outlaw it though. It's kind of a shit move to outlaw it because, you know, there's got to be like, who are we hurting? Just ourselves.

Yeah, exactly. It's like, I get it if you're forcing people to do it, but if it's just, I mean, I don't know, that does seem like a live and let live if they want to do it.

Yeah. It's not like it was a TikTok challenge. It wasn't like, how many kids can we get to mummify themselves? It was people who were seen pretty dedicated, had their own place to do it. It was a religious thing, but maybe that was part of that like 1903. So if you think about it at the same time that cowboy culture, like genuine West was one cowboy, go West, young man bullshit or whatever. At the same time that that was kind of turning into like where Deadwood was turning into Boston, the same thing were happening to the Samurais in Japan. So there was like this changing of the times. So it might be like, listen, we're going to start dressing more like Westerners, doing politics more like Westerners. And we don't need a reminder of like this antiquated Japanese way of doing things as Eastern way of doing things. That would have been the late 1800s. It's kind of, again, a globalization of sorts. And so I can see why they want to wipe that out, but it is shitty. I don't think it was bothering anybody.

Yeah, the government was not ready to put Ricky Cull with his sunglasses on the flag or anything.

Yet Ripley's Believe It Or Not probably did.

So, I don't know, I guess we did the Fear Tier last week with Anna, so I don't know that we really need to do the Fear Tier again this week.

No, I think the only thing I'm afraid of now is going my whole life without seeing a photo of that guy in glasses.

Well, fear not, Ed, and fear not, loyal listener, we will put a photo in the show notes.

Of a corpse.

Of a corpse wearing sunglasses, and you will look at it and you will laugh and enjoy it.

Or you'll look at it and feel sick and be like, why did they do this? Why are they showing us? It's not that monk that lit himself on fire in protest, it's a cool monk.

Yeah.

It's a cool monk with cool shades.

Yeah. I'm going to petition the government of Japan to put that leather jacket on him, complete the transformation.

And then put him on the currency.

Yeah, why not? Make him the...

Patron saint.

President.

The pen of president. At least the patron saint of whatever town he's still at.

He kind of looks like Joe Biden with sunglasses on, honestly.

It's true, our president does look like a corpse.

I shouldn't say that.

I'll keep it in.

Well, until next time, dear listeners.

Stay above ground.

Stay above ground. I'm Chris Cullari.

And I'm Ed Voccola.

And you've been listening to Scared All The Time. We'll see you next week.

Scared All The Time is co-produced by Chris Cullari and Ed Voccola.

Written by Chris Cullari.

Edited by Ed Voccola.

Additional support and keeper of sanity is Tess Fifle.

Our theme song is the track Scared by Perpetual Stew.

And Mr. Disclaimer is A*****.

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