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Hello and welcome to Revolutionize Your Love Life.

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Do you want to know more about love relationships?

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What makes them work?

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How to create the one of your best dreams?

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Do you want to be in a really healthy,

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juicy love relationship?

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In these podcasts, we will give ideas and

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practical advice to light your way.

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Whether you're looking for a love partner,

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already in a relationship, you wish could be better.

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Or leaving one that has run its course.

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There will be something to inspire, empower and support you.

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Revolutionize Your Love Life is a fortnightly podcast where you will access

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the knowledge and wisdom of love experts and

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relationship coaches from across the world to help you find true fulfillment in love.

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I am your host, Heather Garbett.

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Welcome.

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Do you know what is the difference between love-bombing and

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propagating?

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Love-bombing is the form of emotional and psychological abuse.

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And it's hidden so sometimes we can't recede because it's hidden by

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lot of attention and nice words.

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So sometimes we don't even realize that we are not in

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like normal development of relationship, that we are love-bombed.

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And sometimes we can love it because it's so special and unusual and we were

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waiting for it for all time.

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And it's so seductive.

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So it's hard to resist, especially if you have a low

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silver steam or not so much confidence or you didn't have enough attention as a child.

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So we are relationship coaches, Eva Andryson and Heather Garbett.

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And we would like to share our experience with you today about love-bombing and

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what is the difference compared to normal dating.

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I think it's really important to consider that whoever is love-bombing you

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probably believes everything they're doing and saying and they're giving generously.

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So they may, just to give some examples of love-bombing,

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they may give you excessive flattery and really adore you.

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They may give you wild gifts that are way beyond what you would expect,

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like two or three weeks into a relationship.

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They might want all of your time as much as possible.

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Turn up at your work and meet you after work.

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They'll intrude upon you in different ways and make subtle emotional demands.

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But it's as if from a very, very loving place.

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And the other thing is they can talk really fast about your future together

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and what they would like.

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And they're really good at tuning into what you would like.

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And it gives them QDOS to think that they could provide it.

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Do you want to say a bit more ever?

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Yeah. So they really want to get you and control you.

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And love-bombing can be conscious or unconscious.

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But definitely you need to be aware of it that if somebody does it,

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it's probably someone who will manipulate you also later in your life.

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So the really warning signs, as I had just said,

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it's like be very fast in relationship and gives you something very unusual,

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like we didn't see a relationship or months of relationship.

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You go to a luxury holiday that they pay for everything.

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And as you said, they are waiting outside of the office

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when you have different plans, when they even didn't say that

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to you that they would be waiting there in the flowers and saying to you,

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"Oh, I bought a best restaurant in this area of the town."

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And you wanted to go for exercise.

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And later, actually, one month later, they would tell you, "Oh, you put on weight."

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And you didn't realize that actually they stopped you to go to exercise

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because they were waiting every two days outside of the office.

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Yeah, so they really get really fast into your life

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and it must sound so nice.

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But you somehow soon realize that the life now is all about them.

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There's no space for you, but you might be so drawn into it

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because somebody gives you so much attention, it's so nice.

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But in that moment, a lot of people, especially who are very sensitive,

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are getting lost and losing themselves.

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And they are thinking most of the time about their partner,

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"Oh, would I need to do one, what they will do?"

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And you might be completely forgetting that you don't feel happy

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because you are so confused, you are so overwhelmed

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while all this attention, all this special gifts or surprises

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that you are feeling, you even suppress this feeling, like,

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"Oh, I don't feel good in this."

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Yes, you don't let yourself feel and believe that this couldn't be right

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because it feels like the answer to your dreams.

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And each time there's a gift, it creates a sense of obligation.

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Each time they're there, it's sort of an intrusion upon you

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and diminishes you slightly, you know, when they're there outside the office.

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And it makes it very hard to argue against.

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And then there's likely to be some gaslighting, you know,

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"Oh, no, it's not like that.

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I'm not taking up all of your time.

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I just love you.

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You're the most wonderful thing."

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So that incremental loss of self is key

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because if you're a sensitive person, particularly as many women are,

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you'll want to take care of the other, you'll want to please them,

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and you'll just make little sacrifices.

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It's the sort of mother part of us that comes out in relationships.

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You won't mind making sacrifices, especially if you feel loved.

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But further down the line, there'll be an undercurrent.

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I don't want you to go out with your girlfriends.

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It may not be said that much, you know, it's just like,

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"Oh, can't we spend time together?

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Why do you need to go out with your girlfriends?"

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And it's, again, an incremental reduction of support for you in your life.

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The people that love you, that might be a counterbalance to their influence,

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their jealous of, they'll absorb your time, they'll absorb your energy,

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they'll absorb your thinking.

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So there's little of you left by the time they pull on the undercurrent,

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which will be likely shaming and blaming you for wanting anything but them.

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Yeah.

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So at the beginning, it can look very, very nice and even safe.

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And like your full-fit dream of amazing love of amazing soulmate.

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But, you know, they usually do this love bombing for intense

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love bombings about for three months.

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It can even be longer.

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But later on, you'll realize that something is not so right.

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But because they love bombing you again, in short, again, after some time,

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it creates the toxicity and it creates like the addiction

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to that person.

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So we really want to warn you and that we want to release that with a support,

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we would like to support to see direct flags.

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Yeah.

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That if there's somebody, it's too much praising you or admiring you,

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it would be great if you question yourself.

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Yeah.

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So you need to be.

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You need to take your time and really see how the person is,

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really examine what their values are.

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Take your time.

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You need to build your trust and build commitment over time.

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If there's a sort of sudden, like after two weeks, we're exclusive.

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And I don't want you seeing anybody else.

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Because you're so wonderful or whatever it is, you need to just be mindful of that.

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That's a bit of a red flag.

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If somebody's genuine, they'll wait to go to bed with you.

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Now, they won't say, "Oh, you're irresistible and claim you."

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And you'll note my language, "You are irresistible.

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It's you doing it to me."

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They won't take responsibility.

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So they'll rush you on very quickly.

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And that's part of the sweeping you off your feet.

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Now, sometimes somebody very genuine can sweep you off your feet,

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and it's meaningful and strong.

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But you will feel respected.

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You will feel considered.

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You will feel heard and seen properly.

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And this is what you just said.

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It's so important, Heather, because it's a part of health relationship

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that you are seeing, that you are listening to.

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So if you share your boundaries or your feelings and needs,

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the person who is really interested and who is able to create health

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relationship, they will listen.

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They will respect you.

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They will respect your boundaries.

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But if the person is an artist or manipulator,

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they will never respect your boundaries.

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They will always push you through it.

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They will always go through the boundary.

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Some at the beginning, very, very nice,

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weird way, like we said before, "Oh, it would be so nice if you go with me out tonight.

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I know that you told me that you have the plans,

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but I couldn't sleep how I was thinking about you."

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And it is manipulation, because it doesn't respect your plans.

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It can go with you the day after, for example.

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It is another big sign if they stop communicating for two or three days,

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and they come back and doing nothing happen.

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They might stop communicating for maybe three days, four days.

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And then they ask, "Can you go out?"

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And you make yourself free that night or that weekend.

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And it's the sign for them, "Oh, it's great.

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I will be able to manipulate her."

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Because if you put proper boundary, they will not contact you again.

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And sometimes, yeah.

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And I think it's so important, because sometimes our client starts,

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"Oh, he didn't come back when I set up the boundary."

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And I said, "Let's go.

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Let's go."

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They don't, because they wouldn't respect your boundary even later in the relationship.

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So because manipulator doesn't know people,

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doesn't want people in relationship who have boundaries,

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who can say what they really want and stay for it,

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who can stand for themselves.

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They want people who can manipulate in their relationships.

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Yeah.

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And that's really clear.

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Thank you, Eva.

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I'm wondering, "Shall we tell them about our course?"

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We've got a course tomorrow, which is called Desire.

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And it's following a path to find true love.

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It's doing some of the work that you need to do inside yourself

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to make sure that you can have really strong boundaries,

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that you are able to discern who is trustworthy and who isn't,

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that you can take your time.

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You don't choose from desperation.

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You choose from clarity and an empowered,

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centered place in yourself.

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So it's tomorrow, Tuesday, the 30th,

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at 230 UK time, and we'll put the link to the booking form in the chat below

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in the comments below.

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So if you would like to start dating properly,

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and not be worried that you might find,

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that you might end up in the wrong relationship,

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the free webinar before you and you can't wait to see you.

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Thank you.

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Thank you.

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Thank you so much for listening to this episode of Revolutionize Your Love Life.

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I'd like to know what has been your biggest takeaway from this conversation.

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Do take a minute and share this with us and visit us on our Facebook page.

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You can connect with me personally on my email at heather@heathergarbitt.com.

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If you can think of someone who will benefit from listening to this podcast,

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please do share it with them.

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If you have any feedback on how I can improve it,

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please do reach out to me as I'm always keen to learn more.

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Thank you so much again for listening.

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And we'll meet again on the next episode of Revolutionize Your Love Life.

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[Music]

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