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Hello and welcome to Revolutionize Your Love Life.
Do you want to know more about love relationships?
What makes them work?
How to create the one of your best dreams?
Do you want to be in a really healthy,
juicy love relationship?
In these podcasts, we will give ideas and
practical advice to light your way.
Whether you're looking for a love partner,
already in a relationship, you wish could be better.
Or leaving one that has run its course.
There will be something to inspire, empower and support you.
Revolutionize Your Love Life is a fortnightly podcast where you will access
the knowledge and wisdom of love experts and
relationship coaches from across the world to help you find true fulfillment in love.
I am your host, Heather Garbett.
Welcome.
Do you know what is the difference between love-bombing and
propagating?
Love-bombing is the form of emotional and psychological abuse.
And it's hidden so sometimes we can't recede because it's hidden by
lot of attention and nice words.
So sometimes we don't even realize that we are not in
like normal development of relationship, that we are love-bombed.
And sometimes we can love it because it's so special and unusual and we were
waiting for it for all time.
And it's so seductive.
So it's hard to resist, especially if you have a low
silver steam or not so much confidence or you didn't have enough attention as a child.
So we are relationship coaches, Eva Andryson and Heather Garbett.
And we would like to share our experience with you today about love-bombing and
what is the difference compared to normal dating.
I think it's really important to consider that whoever is love-bombing you
probably believes everything they're doing and saying and they're giving generously.
So they may, just to give some examples of love-bombing,
they may give you excessive flattery and really adore you.
They may give you wild gifts that are way beyond what you would expect,
like two or three weeks into a relationship.
They might want all of your time as much as possible.
Turn up at your work and meet you after work.
They'll intrude upon you in different ways and make subtle emotional demands.
But it's as if from a very, very loving place.
And the other thing is they can talk really fast about your future together
and what they would like.
And they're really good at tuning into what you would like.
And it gives them QDOS to think that they could provide it.
Do you want to say a bit more ever?
Yeah. So they really want to get you and control you.
And love-bombing can be conscious or unconscious.
But definitely you need to be aware of it that if somebody does it,
it's probably someone who will manipulate you also later in your life.
So the really warning signs, as I had just said,
it's like be very fast in relationship and gives you something very unusual,
like we didn't see a relationship or months of relationship.
You go to a luxury holiday that they pay for everything.
And as you said, they are waiting outside of the office
when you have different plans, when they even didn't say that
to you that they would be waiting there in the flowers and saying to you,
"Oh, I bought a best restaurant in this area of the town."
And you wanted to go for exercise.
And later, actually, one month later, they would tell you, "Oh, you put on weight."
And you didn't realize that actually they stopped you to go to exercise
because they were waiting every two days outside of the office.
Yeah, so they really get really fast into your life
and it must sound so nice.
But you somehow soon realize that the life now is all about them.
There's no space for you, but you might be so drawn into it
because somebody gives you so much attention, it's so nice.
But in that moment, a lot of people, especially who are very sensitive,
are getting lost and losing themselves.
And they are thinking most of the time about their partner,
"Oh, would I need to do one, what they will do?"
And you might be completely forgetting that you don't feel happy
because you are so confused, you are so overwhelmed
while all this attention, all this special gifts or surprises
that you are feeling, you even suppress this feeling, like,
"Oh, I don't feel good in this."
Yes, you don't let yourself feel and believe that this couldn't be right
because it feels like the answer to your dreams.
And each time there's a gift, it creates a sense of obligation.
Each time they're there, it's sort of an intrusion upon you
and diminishes you slightly, you know, when they're there outside the office.
And it makes it very hard to argue against.
And then there's likely to be some gaslighting, you know,
"Oh, no, it's not like that.
I'm not taking up all of your time.
I just love you.
You're the most wonderful thing."
So that incremental loss of self is key
because if you're a sensitive person, particularly as many women are,
you'll want to take care of the other, you'll want to please them,
and you'll just make little sacrifices.
It's the sort of mother part of us that comes out in relationships.
You won't mind making sacrifices, especially if you feel loved.
But further down the line, there'll be an undercurrent.
I don't want you to go out with your girlfriends.
It may not be said that much, you know, it's just like,
"Oh, can't we spend time together?
Why do you need to go out with your girlfriends?"
And it's, again, an incremental reduction of support for you in your life.
The people that love you, that might be a counterbalance to their influence,
their jealous of, they'll absorb your time, they'll absorb your energy,
they'll absorb your thinking.
So there's little of you left by the time they pull on the undercurrent,
which will be likely shaming and blaming you for wanting anything but them.
Yeah.
So at the beginning, it can look very, very nice and even safe.
And like your full-fit dream of amazing love of amazing soulmate.
But, you know, they usually do this love bombing for intense
love bombings about for three months.
It can even be longer.
But later on, you'll realize that something is not so right.
But because they love bombing you again, in short, again, after some time,
it creates the toxicity and it creates like the addiction
to that person.
So we really want to warn you and that we want to release that with a support,
we would like to support to see direct flags.
Yeah.
That if there's somebody, it's too much praising you or admiring you,
it would be great if you question yourself.
Yeah.
So you need to be.
You need to take your time and really see how the person is,
really examine what their values are.
Take your time.
You need to build your trust and build commitment over time.
If there's a sort of sudden, like after two weeks, we're exclusive.
And I don't want you seeing anybody else.
Because you're so wonderful or whatever it is, you need to just be mindful of that.
That's a bit of a red flag.
If somebody's genuine, they'll wait to go to bed with you.
Now, they won't say, "Oh, you're irresistible and claim you."
And you'll note my language, "You are irresistible.
It's you doing it to me."
They won't take responsibility.
So they'll rush you on very quickly.
And that's part of the sweeping you off your feet.
Now, sometimes somebody very genuine can sweep you off your feet,
and it's meaningful and strong.
But you will feel respected.
You will feel considered.
You will feel heard and seen properly.
And this is what you just said.
It's so important, Heather, because it's a part of health relationship
that you are seeing, that you are listening to.
So if you share your boundaries or your feelings and needs,
the person who is really interested and who is able to create health
relationship, they will listen.
They will respect you.
They will respect your boundaries.
But if the person is an artist or manipulator,
they will never respect your boundaries.
They will always push you through it.
They will always go through the boundary.
Some at the beginning, very, very nice,
weird way, like we said before, "Oh, it would be so nice if you go with me out tonight.
I know that you told me that you have the plans,
but I couldn't sleep how I was thinking about you."
And it is manipulation, because it doesn't respect your plans.
It can go with you the day after, for example.
It is another big sign if they stop communicating for two or three days,
and they come back and doing nothing happen.
They might stop communicating for maybe three days, four days.
And then they ask, "Can you go out?"
And you make yourself free that night or that weekend.
And it's the sign for them, "Oh, it's great.
I will be able to manipulate her."
Because if you put proper boundary, they will not contact you again.
And sometimes, yeah.
And I think it's so important, because sometimes our client starts,
"Oh, he didn't come back when I set up the boundary."
And I said, "Let's go.
Let's go."
They don't, because they wouldn't respect your boundary even later in the relationship.
So because manipulator doesn't know people,
doesn't want people in relationship who have boundaries,
who can say what they really want and stay for it,
who can stand for themselves.
They want people who can manipulate in their relationships.
Yeah.
And that's really clear.
Thank you, Eva.
I'm wondering, "Shall we tell them about our course?"
We've got a course tomorrow, which is called Desire.
And it's following a path to find true love.
It's doing some of the work that you need to do inside yourself
to make sure that you can have really strong boundaries,
that you are able to discern who is trustworthy and who isn't,
that you can take your time.
You don't choose from desperation.
You choose from clarity and an empowered,
centered place in yourself.
So it's tomorrow, Tuesday, the 30th,
at 230 UK time, and we'll put the link to the booking form in the chat below
in the comments below.
So if you would like to start dating properly,
and not be worried that you might find,
that you might end up in the wrong relationship,
the free webinar before you and you can't wait to see you.
Thank you.
Thank you so much for listening to this episode of Revolutionize Your Love Life.
I'd like to know what has been your biggest takeaway from this conversation.
Do take a minute and share this with us and visit us on our Facebook page.
You can connect with me personally on my email at heather@heathergarbitt.com.
If you can think of someone who will benefit from listening to this podcast,
please do share it with them.
If you have any feedback on how I can improve it,
please do reach out to me as I'm always keen to learn more.
Thank you so much again for listening.
And we'll meet again on the next episode of Revolutionize Your Love Life.
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