Plato is one of the most representative philosophers of ancient Greece, belonging to its Classical
Period and he is one of the most known philosophers of all time.
He was one of the first thinkers who addressed the concept of soulmate.
For Plato, a soulmate is someone with whom we feel a very strong affinity, and the love
we feel for that person goes beyond physical attraction.
A soulmate is someone with whom we can be ourselves, in our complete nature.
For Plato, romantic love is deemed to be of a higher metaphysical and ethical status than
sexual or physical attractiveness alone.
The idea of romantic love initially emerged from the Platonic concept of love as a deep
affection, through which we can contemplate the real beauty of our being - and of the
world.
This beauty is not limited to physical beauty, but also involves a spiritual kind of beauty,
Plato calling it “the Form of Beauty”.
For Plato, the love of beauty culminates in the love of philosophy, the subject that pursues
the highest capacity of thinking.
Plato was born into an aristocratic and influential family and he founded the Academy, the first
institution of higher learning in the entire Western world.
Along with Socrates, his mentor and Aristotle, his student, Plato is one of the most influential
individuals in the entire history of humankind.
It can even be said that he is one of the pylons of Western civilization.
As far as we know, almost all of his work has survived the last 2,400 years, remaining
very popular the entire time.
Some of his most famous books include “The Republic”, “The Symposium”, “The Apology
of Socrates”, “Allegory of the Cave” and “The Dialogues of Plato”.
So keeping his teachings in mind, in this video we bring you 5 ways to help you find
your soulmate, from the philosophy of Plato:
1.
Believe that there is a soulmate for you
Plato said: “Love is born into every human being; it calls back the halves of our original
nature together; it tries to make one out of two and heal the wound of human nature.”
According to Greek mythology, in the beginning, we were androgynous beings.
In “The Symposium”, through the words of Aristophanes, Plato described that in the
beginning we had four arms, four legs and a head with two faces.
Fearing our power, Zeus split us into two separate parts, condemning us to spend our
lives in search of our other halves.
Because of this split, we are severely wounded, which makes us desire to find our other half
in order to become whole and to prevent any further suffering.
This desire is what we call love, a desire to reunite with the other part of ourselves.
This wound can also be seen in a metaphoric way.
In our culture of consumerism, we look for satisfaction in things that cannot provide
real or lasting fulfilment.
These false lures include material goods, power, and fame.
Instead of denying this longing, this ‘wound’, we would be better off accepting it.
According to Aristophanes, if there is a soulmate and we do not recognise its existence, we
might neglect this wound, pretend it is not there, chase unfulfilling goals, get involved
in random relationships, or stop believing in true love, resulting in an ultimately unhappy
life.
That being so, a life devoted to any of these goals becomes quite miserable and empty.
Thus, the first step in finding your other half is to believe that you have a soulmate,
that your longing has purpose.
If we recognise its existence, we are that much more likely to be more careful and deliberate
when we choose our partner.
If you know there is someone out there who compliments you perfectly, then jumping into
or staying in a relationship simply for the sake of being in that relationship, becomes
a markedly less attractive proposition.
It is important to have an idea of the form of love you want to experience, how it should
make you feel, what kind of qualities the other person should have that can resonate
with your character.
Throughout his work, Plato argues that focusing on an ideal version of something is one of
the most useful kinds of thought exercise we could practice.
If you knew what something was truly like in its ideal form, you would then know what
you need to do to or improve to reach there.
You can start by making a list of traits and values you think you would enjoy in your ideal
partner.
Perhaps you are attracted to a similar sense of humor or someone who is athletic and into
sports, or maybe someone who holds strong political beliefs.
No matter what the trait is, consider how you might be able to embody that trait yourself.
If you work on yourself in this way, qualities that you find attractive, then you increase
your chances of meeting somebody who shares your outlook and values.
You shouldn’t settle down until you find your soulmate.
For example, before settling down with somebody you are attracted to but have no idea of their
other, less overt character traits, give it a few more months, spend time living together
if at all possible, until you make sure they really are ‘the one’ and then take things
to the next stage.
The longer you cement a relationship, the harder it becomes to break up.
Caution is thus a golden rule when it comes to relationships, it can prevent you from
making rash decisions in life which could leave you even more wounded.
Heal your wounds first, work on developing yourself, retain and recall that list of qualities
you look for in a potential partner and continue to commit yourself to the same standard.
Do this and you will be much better equipped to spot and avoid a potentially bad relationship.
2.
Cultivate friendship
According to Plato: “He whom love touches not, walks in darkness..”
For Plato the best kind of philia - or friendship - is that which lovers can have for each other.
Therefore, for Plato, love is the best kind of friendship and it is important for it to
be the basis of any relationship.
Plato considered that to live for truth and authenticity is what really matters and through
friendship and love we can get inspired to follow such ideals.
Where there is friendship and honesty in relationships, there might be true love.
Aristophanes, in Symposium, emphasizes that if everybody found his or her soulmate, the
world would be at its happiest.
A soulmate should first be a friend, then a lover, somebody with whom you can share
your joy and troubles.
The best situation is when the two partners share the same values and principles in life
or, if not, at least they should respect the other’s opinion or way of living.
It is highly important to cultivate friendship and respect inside a romantic relationship
from the start.
When built on a solid foundation of friendship, a relationship can last a lifetime.
A real soulmate would never intentionally cause you deep suffering and despair.
A soulmate is supposed to make you happier and more confident in yourself to overcome
life’s challenges.
When we engage in a relationship, it is important to observe whether or not the partner is really
your friend.
Do they make you feel more powerful and able to overcome life’s challenges?
Or do they give you sleepless nights, worries, anxiety, and make you feel unworthy of respect
and love?
Don’t settle for a relationship which brings you down, which causes you harm.
This is especially important for toxic relationships, when one of the partners feels abused but
still feels they can’t leave.
In such cases, it is better to contact a professional to help you navigate through such situations.
Always go towards friendship and happiness.
The successful relationships are not those of mad passion and destructive tendencies,
but those that are built steadily, that look mundane on the outside, based on friendship
and mutual respect.
3.
Feel safe, like you belong
To quote Plato: “the two are struck from their senses by love, by a sense of belonging
to one another, and by desire, and they don’t want to be separated from one another, not
even for a moment.
”
Being two parts of a whole, the partners would feel a strong feeling of belonging.
After endless searching, they finally found one another and they do not want to spend
another moment apart.
Plato, through Aristophanes, affirmed that Eros, the Greek god of erotic love is the
best friend of men, the helper and the healer of ills, it is the power of love that makes
us feel whole again.
Having our being reunited, we feel more at home, more secure and loved and this positive
feeling can heal our wound caused by the split made by Zeus.
When we are separated, we feel kind of lost, having only one side, like “a flat fish”
in the words of Aristophanes.
Only when we find our soulmate can we get that sense of belonging, of feeling at home.
Also, when we have such a connection with our partner based on friendship, we will try
to be gentle with them, we would not be capable of betraying, lying or manipulating.
Real love empowers us to see the good in each other.
Such a partnership is like re-finding yourself, a soulmate can make you feel like you are
authentically yourself, you’ld feel comfortable and safe.
It is not like a relationship from a Hollywood movie, full of conflict and drama, it looks
more mundane.
A soulmate doesn’t judge you harshly, will let you be yourself and feel comfortable and
confident in your own skin.
They would never criticize you in a malicious way and they would not prefer your absence
over your presence…well Most of the time anyway!
As fulfilling as it can be being together, it is vital to any successful relationship
to give each other space and personal time as well, to respect each other, to not interfere
negatively with other areas of their lives.
For example, when they have to work extra hours at their job, you need to be understanding
of their situation.
Or if there is an event around one of their hobbies that you don’t share, having the
confidence to let them go on their own and indulge their passions can be hugely beneficial
to a happy relationship.
If we don’t do things apart how will we ever have new stories to tell each other?
In order to avoid arguments, it is important to understand your partner’s priorities
in life.
There will be moments when your partner has to focus on something else and you need to
respect your partner’s goals and lifestyle.
The best support one can offer to their partner is a peaceful home where the other can return
again and again to replenish their power, feel understood and loved.
Therefore, try to talk to your partner, understand their short and long term goals in their career,
building a family, their personal interests and so on.
Respect your partner's wishes and interests, but don’t forget to communicate yours as
well.
For example, suppose to get a promotion at work your partner might need to work 10 hours
a day plus weekends whilst also building their reputation on the side.
Rather than sit at home, stewing over being left alone, only to explode into bitter argument,
understand and respect their choice and find a solution of your own.
Indulge your hobbies, find local activities to do alone or with friends.
Fill your time in ways that bring you happiness instead of arguing with your partner for not
spending enough time with you.
A home where your interests and goals are interwoven and that you are mutually accepting
of helps in creating a peaceful home where both of you can feel that you belong, where
both you feel loved and respected.
4.
Climb the ladder of love Plato teaches us that: “Evil is the vulgar
lover who loves the body rather than the soul, inasmuch as he is not even stable, because
he loves a thing which is in itself unstable.”
In the beginning, just after the split, humans were living miserably, feeling very hurt from
the wound and wandering to find their other half.
Zeus, feeling guilty for splitting us in two, transformed our body after the split, leading
us to find physical pleasure in bonding with different people: Zeus turned our sexual organs
to the front, so we might achieve some satisfaction in embracing others, not only our other half.
According to the mythology, because of the way Zeus made us, it is sometimes difficult
to differentiate real love from physical attraction.
Unfortunately, many people appear to live mostly on the physical level, as if corrupted
by the body, when they love, they love mostly the physicality of their partner, not their
personality.
In Symposium, Diotima teaches Socrates what love means.
She explains that real love is achieved by climbing through six steps of a ladder.
There are many ways in which one can interpret these steps.
Some say these six steps are six types of love.
The first step of the ladder is a desire for physical features.
An individual tends to get attracted to what is missing from their own body like being
attracted to someone's smile or the color of their partner’s eyes.
Then the second step is Love for all bodies which means realizing the physical beauty
of others.
An individual recognizes the physical features that he is attracted to and understands that
many others can have that beauty.
Many others can have that kind of smile or that color of eyes you are attracted to.
Since bodies are so similar, it would be meaningless to see physical beauty in just one individual.
From this, the next step up the ladder is to see the beauty that is beyond physical
appearance.
This step is called the love for souls.
It can be achieved by appreciating the character or the soul of your romantic partner.
At this stage, one can fall in love with a beautiful mind even if it's in a body that
you wouldn’t typically find attractive.
Then, the fourth step is known as Love for Laws and Institutions which means together
becoming interested in achieving kindness and understanding of fellow human beings,
in the betterment of our society in a compassionate manner.
The fifth step is called the Love for Knowledge.
It is about realising that there is knowledge to acquire everywhere and being interested
in pursuing it, in science, in understanding the laws of the universe.
Then the sixth step, which is sometimes called “love for love itself” means appreciating
the beauty of this world, and this appreciation and awe is what is called platonic love, which
is to love the essence of what is really beautiful, the true reality of this world.
True love occurs at this last step, when you just love for love itself, and don’t expect
anything in return.
The soulmate is one of the easiest human beings to love without expecting anything in return.
A soulmate can inspire you to climb this ladder of love, which is why it is so important to
share the same values with your soulmate.
When we learn to appreciate that the beauty of the soul is superior to the beauty of the
body, we end up loving those who are beautiful in their soul, regardless of their physical
appearance.
According to Diotima’s teachings; once you reach the higher level, you could never go
back to the lower rungs.
Although it is normal to love beautiful bodies at first, do not spend too many years there,
try to start giving attention to people who have a kind soul, whom you appreciate for
who they are as a person.
Do not just take a partner who is beautiful, but really dig deep into each other’s personalities
and work out if you fit well together, together.
For example, ask important questions like “what brings you the most happiness?”,
“what makes you really angry?”, “what is your biggest motivation in life?”, “what
is your biggest regret?”, “what kind of friends do you have?”, “what was the lowest
point in your life?”, “what are your principles? and so on”, and so on.
By learning each other’s answers, and seeing each other’s reactions, you can identify
the real values you both hold and better understand their character.
Once you learn to appreciate the souls of the people around you, it becomes that much
easier for you to find your soulmate and to continue climbing the ladder of love.
5.
Reignite the poetry in your relationships
In our final quote from Plato for this video, he says: “At the touch of love everyone
becomes a poet.”
Love often seems like madness.
In Phaedrus, Socrates says that although madness can be an illness, it can also be the source
of man’s greatest blessings.
The madness of love can make everyone a poet, raising us to a higher level of existence
from where we can admire the beauty of this world and feel inspired.
When we are in love, we transform, we start to see more beauty around us, a sunset or
the smell of a flower suddenly has a different meaning.
Love gives us wings to fly to another level of existence, transforming the reality around
us.
Thus, we become poets when we are in love, we start to see beauty in everything.
Many of us remember what first love felt like, many of us have written poems to our loved
ones when we were teenagers!
The “love from Aphrodite and Eros” is such a kind of madness, which inspires us
to glorify every moment of our relationship.
However, as the years pass, we start to notice we experience that rush of poetic inspiration
less and less often, we become stuck in mundane life; Eat, Sleep, Work, Repeat.
But the truth is it is within this normalising of one’s relationship that the very best
parts of it can flourish - Or languish into nothing if not maintained.
It becomes all-too-easy to stop appreciating the special moments with our loved ones - a
forgotten anniversary here, an ignored achievement there.
It can be hard to remember to appreciate the presence of our soulmate when we also have
to dedicate our time to work and family.
Therefore, we need to pay attention to when such inspiring poetic moments are missing
from our life; Is the problem simply a lack of time or bad planning, or are you actually
- deliberately or subconsciously - avoiding making time for each other?
If it’s the latter you may need to decide if your partner really is your soulmate, and
if they are you need to put more energy and focus into cultivating your relationship.
Make plans just for the two of you regularly - break the routine, re-connect and openly
appreciate each other often, reminding both of you just how much you matter and how special
you are to each other.
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Thanks so much for watching.