Embracing the Past
JAYNE
Hi everyone. Welcome back to Joyous Journeys over 60. I'm Jayne Ray and I'm here with my podcast partner, Pastor Andreas Stein. Hi, Pastor
ANDREAS
Jayne, how are you doing this morning? It's a beautiful day.
JAYNE
And you notice I said, pastors,
ANDREAS
Yes, you I know I noticed that I was surprised by that. Well, don't be surprised, because I think that your role as a pastor also shapes your insight into some of these topics that we're talking about, particularly because the congregation at Peace Lutheran Church, our church in Fort Myers, is a, uh, over 55 congregations. So unlike other congregations, which is really a blend of families and whatever where we are, the demographic is really the audience that we're talking to. Right? So, uh, so I think it's important for our audience to to know and understand that, you know, last time we talked about just being you and before we move on to today's topic, I thought we should just reflect a little bit on on what that meant. And I hope if you've listened to the previous episode, you had a chance to reflect and maybe even act on what it means to just be you. I know I did this past week where, you know, I, I've been practicing tennis. I've mentioned that a couple of times after 40 years and, and it is a little intimidating, um, to, to kind of just say, I'm doing this. Despite all the other demands in your life. Yeah, right. I'm. I'm married. I have a husband, my daughter, my grandson, all live nearby. And to be able to just schedule a time to do something that I'm really enjoying. I won't tell you. There is a little guilt associated with that that you you have to overcome. And you had said in the last episode, you know, you don't really have to justify that, but you also have to fall in love with yourself. I'm not there yet, but we'll get there.
JAYNE
Yeah, I will tell you that, that if you're going through something similar, if you're at that stage in your life where you're going similar, it's baby steps, right?
ANDREAS
It's baby steps. And you know what the most liberating, inspiring, awesome moment in life is? It is when you get to this point where you recognize you no longer need to prove anything to yourself, to anyone. You don't need to prove anything to God. It is okay to just be, you know, we are so used to “I need to prove to myself I can still do this. I need to do that. I need to accomplish this.” You don't need to prove anything to yourself. You don't need to prove anything to anyone else. And as a pastor, the good news is you don't need to prove anything to God. You can just be you. That's enough.
JAYNE
It is hard. Particularly when you've served so many roles in your life. And the people in your life don't quite know what to do with the new you. So there is a little bit of guilt that's associated with it. Um, and certainly on their side, they're like, what? Right? Who is this person? How
ANDREAS
dare you just be you? I want that old person back that constantly shows me how good she is. Was doing this? Yes. She does everything for me. Yes, they're doing it for herself. So.
JAYNE
Just to kind of continue in that, in that spirit, um, I do hope and I'll share some of my journey. I know you're going to share some of your journey as we go through this series, is that you do recognize that it's it's journey. And that's why we call it Joyous Journeys, right? It is a journey. And part of that journey is just taking the first step.
ANDREAS
Yes, yes.
JAYNE
And I think that's a good segue into what we want to talk about today, because one of the first steps in having a joyous journey is embracing your past.
ANDREAS
Right? And we all have a past. And I'm going to ask you to speak a little bit more about that. We all have past that shape, who we are today. But some of that past is amazing and maybe some of it is painful. Yeah. From my earliest days as a pastor, what really has fascinated me even before that, I like to understand people. I like to figure people out, you know, why are you doing this and why you were feeling like this and why you were saying this. And as I was, you know, studying and, you know, thinking about this, I often find so much of who we are today, probably who we are today is, is the result of our experiences, our journey that we've been on our past, the good, the bad, the ugly. We all have a little bit in each category. We all can look back on moment. It still bring a smile to our face, even though there may be 30, 40, 50 years ago, we still have these memories about things I wish I could get a do over. I would never do this again, but there are no do overs. And then there was a really ugly, you know, the betrayals, the stinging disappointment, the moment that we just want to forget and never, ever, ever think about again. And I found out. 1s Part of our journey today is to learn to embrace the good, the bad, the ugly. Because who you are today. The Jayne that you are so proud about, and rightly so, that Jayne that succeeded in business, that succeeded in so many ways that Jayne is a result of the good, the bad, the ugly. It shaped you into who you are today. So instead, if you keep fighting the past, it'll keep fighting back. If you keep trying to push it aside, it'll keep coming back. There is no need to do that. The good, the bad, the ugly formed the Jayne who is today.

JAYNE
And you know, we talk about embracing the past. Right. And it's an interesting it's it's an interesting term because when we think about embracing the past, we embrace all the beauty in our lives, right? We embrace, you know, when we were children, we embrace going through young adulthood and maybe some fun we had back then. We embrace becoming, um, spouses and having children and living in different places and making friends. And so when we talk about embracing and embraces a very positive right thing, but you're suggesting that we also embrace the painful parts. Absolutely. 1s Well, let me ask you this, uh, Jayne, uh, do you feel comfortable to share maybe a memory and experience of your journey where you say, you know, I never I really do not want to
ANDREAS
think about this. I don't want to remember it. It was really, really, really, really painful. Do you feel comfortable sharing something
JAYNE
I've had a couple of situations in my life where people that I felt were very close to me, um, you know, didn't necessarily live up to my expectations of of what I had hoped for them, including my parents. I talk, um, you know, pretty openly. My parents have gone a long time, but, you know, in, my childhood, there were times where, um, I didn't feel like I could count on them. And so throughout my life, I think I've really had to deal with who I can count on and who I can't. And again, you know, that's something that has shaped me into today. And we all have a little bit of an inner child. Right. And so my inner child sometimes has an issue with trust. And so here I am at 69 years old, and you think you've overcome all the challenges in your life. And the inner child is now a mature adult, but the inner child is still an inner child.
ANDREAS
But that 69 year old Jayne has succeeded in business in ways that is incredible. That 69 year old Jayne has succeeded in so many ways. Would that 69 year old Jayne have succeeded without those lessons, even without those disappointments, without those tough moments, setbacks that I. I don't want to think it even those moments shaped you into that 69 year old Jayne that looks back on years and decades of tremendous success and flourishing and blooming in so many different ways. Even those ugly moments shaped you.
JAYNE
Well, you know, what's really fascinating about it is, is every once in a while, I think you said it before ,the past resurfaces. The feelings resurface. Even though I personally have a lot that I'm so proud of. And I've been blessed in so many ways to have an amazing journey., I've gotten to travel. I've had two successful businesses. I have two amazing children. I now have a biological grandson. I'm in a second marriage. I love my husband. All of those are amazing. But, every once in a while, the painful part, the painful memory emerges. So I can't repress it. No, I can't ignore it. I can't pretend it's not there. And so, you know, when you talk about embracing it, that's a really powerful emotion because instead of repelling it or disassociating from it or, um, or even just letting it control me. And we all have that. It's not just me. We all have that right is to recognize that it's still there. I was telling you before we started recording, a friend of mine says, honor the past, but don't be bound by it. Right? Which means acknowledge your past., Embrace your past., Recognize that, um, if life were only smooth and easy, we would not be able to deal with the ups and downs, the roller coaster of life. So. So I think that for me personally, I won't tell you that it's easy to embrace that. It's not. It's not. And it's not something that's going to go away. It's something that's always going to be there. But if I embrace it, um, you said it before, it will embrace me. Yeah. I don't know what that means in terms of practicality, but from a from a intellectual or theoretical perspective, I know that I need to embrace that because it is a journey and the journey isn't over. Right? The journey is going to keep going, and maybe part of that forward journey will be completely joyous, right? And maybe it will be a reminder of something that happened before, or maybe it'll be a new challenge that I need to embrace as well. We don't know. The future is unwritten, right? Right. I think what it means is if you embrace the past, the past can no longer hurt you. You still remember the things, the people, what happened. But when these memories come up, they can no longer cut your heart and make it bleed. You can look back on these things and and move forward.
ANDREAS
You know, the other day I was going on YouTube and listening to some music and a lot of the music suggestions. I'm a child of the 80s, early 80s I claim is my decade. So there was that songs that I remembered from back then and, uh, from the Pet Shop Boys Go West. I don't know if you remember that song, and I loved it back then, and I, I hadn't heard it and probably, I don't know, 30 years or whatever else. So I listened to it. I still love it. I found out and but suddenly the memories came back when I listened to it back then and it wasn't a particularly positive, happy, good time in my life. So I love the song. But then there comes all of these memories that I don't want to go back to that time. I don't want to go back to those places. I'm just thanking God that I'm no longer the person I was then. And then I realized, okay. And I started to remember and yeah, that was me. 2s I don't want to go back there.
ANDREAS
But it's still part of me. It's who I am today. I can't cut that part out. And I need to cut that part out, I can remember. And as I remembered, I realized, oh, it no longer has that sting in it. It no longer has that cutting edge that makes you clench your fist and get angry and get upset about. Okay. Yeah, it it happened back then. I'm happy I left today. Not then. I can't embrace it. Well, you know, it's really interesting being at this age. You have the unique ability to look back on your life. Yeah, right. You have the unique ability to wonder whether when you were 25 and predicting your future, whether you would have predicted this. Right. Um, and, you know, you said something before, I think that's so significant and that's that once you embrace the past, it can't control you. Yes, it can still be painful to remember, right? I don't think that goes away, but it can't control you. Yes. It can't stop you or inhibit you. It cannot steal your joy today anymore because the past, even though it may be 50 years ago, is still powerful enough to ruin today. But if you embrace it, it can still hurt you. Maybe, but it can no longer steal your joy, your happiness, your peace today. And it's the past. So one thing we know is you can't change it. You cannot change it. You cannot change it. No do overs, no time travel, right? No time travel. And there are a million things we probably would have chosen to do differently. But if you had done those differently, would you be where you are today and regardless of where you are today? You're an amazing human being. You are the sum of your experiences and your journey from here forward will be joyous. For me, the greatest blessing today and besides my faith is. To have my wife in my life. Sometimes I wonder if I had done things differently. I might not have met her. Oh my God, that would be terrible. I'm happy things went the way they did. Even the ugly. Because through it all, I, my wife and I crossed paths and we fell in love and got married. It's the greatest blessing I have. I thank God that it didn't go differently. Well, and I think that's an important part of the message. You should thank God that it didn't go differently because you wouldn't be where you are. Correct. And maybe there are some experiences that you prayed for or wished that wouldn't have happened. And they did. But but they did. They did, they did.
JAYNE
And as you said, they can't steal your joy today. So let's talk about practicality. So, you know, I think everybody listening is probably nodding their heads going, yeah, that's great. Now I know what do I do now?
ANDREAS
I think the past lives through two things. One. Through our feelings, sometimes we just feel overwhelmingly sad and angry. And these old feelings come back in us and we feel, and we don't even know why we feel a certain thing that we feel. And sometimes the past continues to live in us through our memories we remember. And for me, practically, it means when these things come up, the memories overwhelm us. The thoughts and our our mind is replaying the movie of 40 years ago, and we watched that movie of our life on the canvas of our mind, and we watch every single detail and we want to push it away. We want to fight it. We want to refight the battles instead. Watch this movie. 2s And thank God that this is your movie. You don't need to fight it. You don't need to push it away. You don't need to ignore it. You can embrace it. You can embrace the feelings that come back. They all shaped you into who you are today.
JAYNE
Yeah, I think feel your feels right. That's a term that younger people use. Feel your feels. You know, it's funny because I had a situation recently where some of the emotions of the past did come up and, and I was sad and I was, I don't know, I, I tend to internalize more than express myself. So I don't cry in front of people. So I got in the car and I just drove around for a little while, and I played the music I wanted to kind of just get it out of me and the music that would bring it out. You all have those songs that would do that, and, and I just, I spent some time with myself. Yeah. Now did it make it all go away? No. But did it help. Yes, because I could let the tears come in the car. I could sing out loud on those songs and just pulled all that emotion out of me. And I could be just me. Like we said in our last episode, I could be just me, and I didn't have to put on any kind of brave face or whatever. And guess what? A couple of days later, those feelings went back in their box. I was able to kind of overcome it. It’s going to happen again, right? It's going to happen again. Right. Um, but at least now I can embrace it. Maybe I know that I have to just get in the car and listen to sad music and, you know, cry privately or do whatever, but, recognize it's not going away, but it doesn't control my next step. The other thing I was going to say is that sometimes they say when you're feeling your lowest, you should count your blessings. Now, that's hard to do because when you're feeling that low and you've got the blues, you know. Everyone will say, well, you should count your blessings. But the truth is, you should count your blessings privately, right?. You should take a pen or a computer or something and maybe just write down one thing that you're proud of from your past. Not from your present so much because we're embracing the past. But start to write down things that are. Or just think of things that are you're proud of from your past, that have shaped you into who you are today. And so you're starting to distract yourself. And again, it's not easy. It's not like you're not easy. But it is a way of of embracing the past, because it's recognizing that there have been parts of your past that have been joyful, that have been fulfilling, that have made you who you are today or were just fun. Right? Um, and so you're acknowledging that the past is is a recipe that's been built. You are a recipe that's been built on your past good, bad, and maybe a little ugly, too.
ANDREAS
Maybe there's even an additional exercise in there. You know, so much of our past, it has to do with certain people who did this or do that. And sometimes it might be worthwhile to remember those people that really were behind some of these cuts and remember what, despite all of the hurt. What blessing came out of them for your life today? Was it all bad or is there even a blessing there today that is a result of that person being in your life.
JAYNE
That's really interesting, and I think that's a topic we should really kind of continue talking about, because you're right. I said I've had a problem with counting on people, but if that hadn't happened, I wouldn't. I don't think I'd be sitting here talking to you.
ANDREAS
Well, you would not. Right. Uh, so it is a it is shifting the way you think, which again, is not an on off switch. And let's acknowledge that. But it's trying to shift the way you think is the first step. And to remember that just being you or embracing your past. Those are steps. They're baby steps. And and you experiment until you find what works for you to be able to accomplish what you need to accomplish to propel yourself forward. Yeah. So with that interest, we're out of time. Um, as always, I know we can talk about this for a very long time. If you're listening. We all have pasts, right? We all have pasts, and our past shape us into what we are today. But maybe take a moment of reflection, um, however, that it works for you, wherever that works for you. Um, and think about your inner child or the or how you manage your pain and and recognize whether it is stopping you from having joy today. Because today is all we have. Today is all we have.
JAYNE
Today is all we have. And so, um, if we live in the past, today won't be joyous, right? Um, but also, if we embrace it, we can control it.
ANDREAS
Yes.
JAYNE
So thank you.
________________

ANDREAS
Thank you. Jayne, I appreciate that. I love listening and learning from you. Well,
JAYNE
Same here, same here. You certainly understand the heart of of our audience and ourselves. We're going to continue joyous journeys over 60 with some, I think, pretty deep topics coming up. We're going to talk about loneliness. We're going to talk about how to have fun. Yes, It’s not going to be all negative. Right? Right. We’re going to talk about, uh, faraway families. So I hope that you're getting something out of our podcast and that you stay tuned for our next episode. Yes. Thanks, everyone.
ANDREAS
Thank you