Holidays 0
Jayne
[00.00.01]
Hi everyone, I'm Jane Wray and welcome to another episode of Joyous Journeys over 60. As always, I'm joined by my podcast partner, Andreas Stein. Jane, it's
Andreas
[00.00.10]
great to be with you this
Jayne
[00.00.12]
morning. It is, it is. It's a beautiful day here in Florida. Um, which is. Yeah, which is nice. And we're we're moving out of our rainy season, uh, into what? Others and why others want to come to Florida in the, in the winter. So, uh, so that's interesting. You know, speaking of winter, um, you know, one of the things that Andreas and I were talking about recently is holidays and how life over 60 can reshape some of your feelings about holidays, regardless of which holiday it it it is. Um, but holidays take on a new meaning. Um, there's emotional connections to holidays. And, and so we felt that it was important to talk about, uh, the impact of holidays, particularly on those that are now over 60 potentially retired. Right.
Andreas
[00.01.06]
You know what I have found, Jane. Over the years that holidays are kind of a
Jayne
[00.01.14]
an emotional amplifier. You know, they amplify the feelings that are already in your heart. You know, if you feel lonely a lot, then as you in those weeks leading up to a holiday, you know, you tend to feel that loneliness even more. You know, if there is a lot of cheerfulness and happiness in your heart in these days and weeks leading up to an individual holiday, the cheerfulness comes out even more so. It's almost like, you know, an amplifier for the heart is holidays are, you know, sometimes there are specifics. You know, there's loneliness in your heart. And, you know, for the holidays, people come together with friends, with family, you know, with maybe another group of people. And
Andreas
[00.02.05]
where am I? Uh, you know, uh, where where am I going to celebrate? You know, so suddenly that loneliness hits you even more. Maybe there is little cheerfulness in your heart, and you have gone through a tough time, and suddenly that hurt comes out even more. But holidays are an emotional amplifier. Yeah,
Jayne
[00.02.26]
they're also, uh, kind of a segue into nostalgia. Yeah. Right. So when you think about holidays and and again, depending on which holiday it is. So, you know, the strongest emotion is usually invoked by Christmas, right. Um, or December holidays, whatever your December holidays are. But other holidays, you have a certain memory about how you celebrated them in the past. You know, I'm a parent. When my kids were little and you know how we would sneak around the house, uh, on Christmas Eve to be able to, you know, kind of keep that spirit going or the foods that we would make and the gatherings together or 4th of July or Labor Day or, you know, pick any of the American holidays that, um, you know, you hold a barbecue or you set a fireworks or whatever. So there's a certain nostalgia in, in your heart for the way you used to celebrate the holidays. And maybe because of your lifestyle changes, you're not celebrating them the same way now. And so there's there's almost a longing for the for the way it used to be, but also a I'm not even sure what the right word would be. It's how do you reimagine and still be happy about how you celebrate holidays now?
Andreas
[00.03.47]
You know, and our own journey
Jayne
[00.03.53]
is part of every holiday. It was interesting listening to you. I thought more about a personal holiday, birthdays when I grew up, birthdays. I really never had birthday parties for me. I really was not much invited to other birthday parties. So for me, birthdays, whatever. Till now I just a day like any other for my wife, you know, birthdays in her family, with her friends. Love is a huge deal. Uh, you know, party here. Uh, just celebration and happiness and joyfulness and, you know, so we bring our own personal journey into each holiday, and we assume what we have experienced in our journey. That's the way a holiday is supposed to be. And for me, a joyful journey over 60 when we are suddenly set free from I have to work. I have to do this and have more time available. Possibly it is really that invitation, this opportunity. Let's create our own way of celebrating a holiday. We've always done it this way, we've always done it that way. And nothing right or wrong was that it was good. But maybe now, this new chapter, this new season, is a way of creating our own unique style of celebrating a holiday. Because in the last instance, I'm not sure that there is a right or wrong way of celebrating any holiday. Now. Some holidays, every holiday is about a special reason. July 4th is about, you know, Independence Day. Christmas is about what? Christmas. You know, Thanksgiving is about giving thanks.
Andreas
[00.05.39]
But how we celebrate? Is there a right or wrong way of doing it? I don't think so. So we can create our own unique touch.
Jayne
[00.05.47]
It's interesting you say that because in a previous episode I mentioned, one of my friends has a saying that I just love. She says, honor the past, but don't be bound by it. And I think never more so than in a holiday. Um, you know, my house was always the house that I prided myself on, that every stray in the neighborhood, every kid, friend, everybody, whatever, you know, would show up for Thanksgiving or Christmas or Easter or, you know, 4th of July or whatever. And and we were that house, and I loved it. And I would cook for an army and, um, and, you know, we always had just a lot of noise, um, around a lot of times it was the kids friends, you know, either they would go to their own family and then they would come to us afterwards. And this year, um, you know, my my daughter is now living in another state. My son had moved, um, and so Thanksgiving, I didn't cook for things. Well, I made a turkey because you have to make a turkey. The house has to smell like turkey on Thanksgiving. So yes, I did rose to Turkey, but I didn't do all the other things. And my husband and I went and joined some friends and ate out. That would have been inconceivable to me. Um, in a in a past life. Right. And so, um, it it isn't what I used to do. Okay. I still make a turkey, but it isn't what I used to do. It's. What am I going to do now? Am I, you know, am I going to hold on to the past so tightly that it's going to make me sad? Or am I going to kind of reinvent, um, how holidays and I kind of interact with each other? Right.
Andreas
[00.07.29]
And I think this is where.
Jayne
[00.07.32]
Holidays and all that amplifies the emotions in the heart, and sometimes they amplify the more negative emotions. But I think that's the way to to heal some of these emotions. When we find a new, fresh way of celebrating this holiday within our own unique frame. You know, uh, for a meal or for my wife and me, uh, New Year's Eve was always kind of a special thing. And obviously it was always gearing up toward midnight, the old year coming to an end, the new year starting and holding each other and kissing each other and doing, you know what? What we would do, you know, and, uh, you know, to us to celebrate, you know, we always spend a time in prayer there, but whatever the specific is. And lately we have found out, you know, as we are growing older, at 9:00, we got so tired, I said, we looked at each other. Do we have to stay up another three hours that can we go to bed and repose if you're so tired? You know, there was a workday and, you know, it was just fatigue and it wasn't a negative thing. It was just I couldn't stay up for another three hours. Let's go to bed and sleep, because that's how I celebrate on you right now. And it was great, you know. But. Claiming that freedom. Hey, this is how we used to do it all the time.
Andreas
[00.08.56]
I'll do it a different way this time around. And oh, this is great. This heals your heart. It I don't I'm not bound to that, you
Jayne
[00.09.04]
know. And I think that's really important. I think it's also important to acknowledge, as you said, holidays are emotional amplifiers. And and if you're feeling sad or, or, you know, having negative thoughts or, um, you know, the past is, is having a hold on you, then I think it's okay to acknowledge that you don't have to do anything. Right? Right. If, if you know, on Christmas or 4th of July or Labor Day or pick any of the other holidays that are a part of you and your culture, if you don't want to do anything, it's still okay, right? I mean, I think there's a point where, um, you know, you have to make sure the depression isn't overwhelming you, but I know that that you hold a blue Christmas service every year. Well, because in our spiritual tradition, the Christmas is kind of a really, really big deal, right? And really creates very strong emotions.
Andreas
[00.10.10]
And. But we know, I know that for many, this is the toughest time of the year. I mean, it might be the first Christmas after a loved one is gone or something happened. It might be something completely different. But I know for so many, Christmas brings out pain and hurt and not jingle bells, jingle bells. Now I can sing. Jingle bells, jingle bells. Great, wonderful. Nothing wrong with the song. But my heart is crying. And there needs to be a place to go into the holiday. With a crying heart. Not just with cheerfulness and Frosty the Snowman and all of that other stuff. And and I think even within a religious tradition, yes, it is a celebration. But then there is also the other reality. And how do you celebrate Christmas when your heart is crying? And this is what the tradition of Blue Christmas is about. But this is true to some degree. For every holiday holidays, the messages party in a way. Celebrate love. Have a good time. Well, how do you celebrate a holiday when your heart looks the opposite?
Jayne
[00.11.27]
Yeah. And that's I think that's a huge challenge, regardless of where you are, um, in your life, it could be that you're going through a personal breakup. It could be, um, you know, that you're just disconnected, however that is. And, and I think providing an opportunity to feel your feels. That's what the kids say, right? Feel your feelings instead of trying to put on a happy face. Is is something that that people don't have really opportunity to do because everybody wants them to be singing Jingle Bells and, and, you know, wearing ugly Christmas sweaters or, um, you know, going to a barbecue or being around a lot of people or whatever. And some people just don't feel it. And, and and it's okay. It's it's it's okay. There are times where, um, you just kind of want the day to pass, right? You just want the day to pass. I don't mind sharing a very, very long time ago. I don't even think you know this. My father passed away on Valentine's Day, um, very suddenly. Passed away in his sleep. And so for many, many years, Valentine's Day has never really been a happy day for me right now, as I get older and it's been more time and, you know, I married and, you know, and whatever, you know, I've learned to overcome that. But the association of a holiday and an event is, is very, very difficult to kind of take the two apart. Um, there's also times where, um, you know, some holidays. And it's funny because I'll tell you a funny story. Um, when I was a kid, New Year's Eve, you talked about New Year's Eve. New year's Eve, to me was the worst because. If you didn't have a date for New Year's Eve when you were 16 to 25 years old, right? Somehow you had that big loser on your head. And so it was horrible, right? To be spending New Year's Eve at home, right? Feeling just like, you know, the most unpopular person in the world and the peer pressure even at that age. And, you know, high school kids can be a little bit mean. But but that's where it starts, right? It starts when you're, you're younger and and you're, you're comparing and somehow you, you're self-identifying based on the way that you celebrate or don't celebrate a holiday. And now fast forward many, many, many, many years, a few decades later, and somehow at times, that inner child is still is still there, right? Is still is still there. So even if there's no particular event that has affected your emotions towards a holiday, um, it's okay to feel what you feel and not necessarily have to, um, you know, go through all of the traditions and protocols and whatever about about a holiday, hopefully, um, as you're in this chapter, you do have a chance to reinvent how you feel about holidays and how you celebrate holidays again, regardless of which holiday it is, if it's a spiritual holiday of yours, or a national holiday of yours. Um, you know, when you were working, you were just grateful for the day off? Absolutely, absolutely. And now every day is a day off. So how do you deal with that? Right. Uh, but, um, but I think part of it is just acknowledging, um, that this holiday, whichever it is, is amplifying an emotion. Yes. And that it's
Andreas
[00.15.02]
okay. We're being told how we have to celebrate a holiday, and you don't have to celebrate the holidays away. You're being told to have. You have to do it. You can celebrate it your own way. And if that means you sit with your own emotions and feelings and just let them take you wherever. That's your way of celebrating the holiday. And that is the right way of celebrating the holiday. You, uh, there is no right or wrong way of celebrating a holiday. And to claim that freedom for you, for a partner who, whoever you share life with. Uh, I think that makes the holiday even more meaningful, because suddenly you do not have to live up to someone's expectation about this is the right way of celebrating this holiday sometimes. Now you can say, this is how we celebrate or how I celebrate a holiday. And I would dare predict that this will make the holiday even more meaningful and powerful and joyful.
Jayne
[00.16.08]
Absolutely. And, you know, and and I think you're right, there's a freedom that comes with this, right? The freedom for you, your family, your partner, um, to, again, reinvent how a holiday is going to be a part of your life and your lifestyle.
Andreas
[00.16.28]
You know, let's take a very specific example. You mentioned we live in Florida, right? So, uh, I grew up in an area where there was snow in the winter, uh, you know, so Christmas, that specific holiday was always about snow and ice. Here, let's celebrate Christmas at the beach, in the
Jayne
[00.16.49]
sunshine. I know. No, you
Andreas
[00.16.51]
don't celebrate Christmas in the, uh, on a beach with sunshine and enjoying it. It's not a yes. It is a right way, you know, because we can't do it. We have 85 degree in sunshine, you know, for the Christmas Day. You know, there is there is no right or wrong way of celebrating any particular holiday. The holiday is about a specific reason that gave birth to that day, whether it's a religious, a national holiday or something else. And that's a given. But how you celebrate it, that's up to
Jayne
[00.17.26]
you, you know. And while we're talking about that, I think there's another important aspect to holidays. And it's how your family, particularly your children. Now celebrate holidays because you may have a tradition that you know, on the holiday we all get together, we, you know, the family gets together, um, the, uh, you know, when the kids were little, maybe their friends would come over. And now perhaps your children have families of their own, and their ways of celebrating are different than yours. And again, it doesn't matter which holiday you're talking about, right? They're going to a 4th of July barbecue at their friend's house instead of coming to their parent's house. Um, they're going on a trip for Labor Day weekend when, hey, we always had a particular tradition for doing something, uh, together. So I think part of holidays is also a reminder that you're in a chapter, a different chapter, but that your family may also be in a different chapter. And it's a little hard to take. I'll be very honest with you. You know, my daughter and her family went to, uh, his family this year, um, for Christmas. And it was like, what? And and my head knew that that was a very good choice because they have not spent enough time with his family. I get that my heart was like, oh, wait a minute, right? You always came to me. So I think also this is a reminder that the journeys converge, but they also now go in different directions. And that's not necessarily a bad or or personal affront or anything like that. It's that their traditions are changing, your traditions are changing. And yes, there will be times you come together, um, and, and maybe relive a past, but it's never going to be the same, right? Honor the past, but don't be bound by it. I think is a really powerful sentence on that. A holiday is a gift, not a duty. It's not a sure. It's a gift. How we enjoy the gift. How we celebrate the gift. How we observe the gift. That the personal way you know a decision. It's a personal choice. If there is a duty to do it in a certain way, a holiday becomes a chore. Something we just have to do. And maybe if you're still working, we at least can enjoy a day off, can sleep a little longer, whatever. But a holiday is a gift, not a chore.
Andreas
[00.20.09]
And this chapter of the journey over 60, maybe more than any other time, these holidays can again become gifts, not
Jayne
[00.20.21]
chores. I think that's a really good point because it can become a chore like I have to. You know, there's a lot of have tos, um, that are associated with with holidays. I have to I have to go be around people and go to that barbecue that I was invited to or, you know, I have to do this or I have to do that. And that can be an overwhelming emotion in and of itself. You may want to that's great. You may not want to. That's great. Um, as as you said, it's a gift, not a chore. And if it starts to feel like a chore, then maybe you need to rethink it. Yes. So okay. So again we're regardless of which holiday we're, we're talking about, if you come away from this episode with, with kind of any advice, um, it's your choice how you celebrate a holiday. There's no right or wrong.
Andreas
[00.21.16]
There is no right or wrong. And I hope that whatever holiday you were celebrating, that it can be a meaningful and a joyful experience and not a chore. A task that you just have to complete.
Jayne
[00.21.32]
Yeah. And to also recognize it is an emotional amplifier. It is. Um, and so once you acknowledge the emotions, I think it empowers you to be able to figure out what you want to do. Uh, but if you try to repress those emotions, then I think you become a prisoner, uh, of of your own making in some ways. So, yeah, it is an emotional amplifier and it's a gift, not a chore. I think, Andreas, that that's really a very powerful statement. Um, that that you don't want to have to feel that you have to I must, right? I have to live up to the expectations. So whatever holiday you're celebrating, I hope you have a great one. Yes. Um, and then, you know, from our perspective, um, you know, we're trying very hard individually, right, to, to enjoy the, the holidays that are, that are upcoming. And of course, uh, as we start to think about 20, 25, uh, you know, it is it is a good time to kind of practice how you feel about holidays because you can do that by yourself. And I think that's really nice. Yeah,
Andreas
[00.22.47]
absolutely. You know, it's, uh, however you decide to celebrate a holiday, that's the right way to
Jayne
[00.22.54]
celebrate it. Yeah. Even your birthday. I have a big birthday coming up next year, which I may I ask, you may ask, so there's an answer. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I've told everybody. So I have a big number seven coming up in February.
Andreas
[00.23.08]
But 70 is the new 50 right.
Jayne
[00.23.10]
70 is the new 30. Come on, there we go. But, um, so yeah, I mean, you talked about birthdays and personal holidays and, and I've, I've been going through a little bit of a how do I feel about that. And I haven't really come to a conclusion yet. Um, but it's definitely an emotional amplifier. So we'll talk more about this on future episodes. And I
Andreas
[00.23.34]
will tell you this, gene, the best, the very best time of your life is still ahead of you. I am absolutely convinced of that. Um, which is why I'm so excited about doing this podcast with you. So everyone, wishing you a great day. Uh, I hope this, uh, this episode in this information, uh, is helpful to you. And then stay tuned. We'll be talking about more topics like this on future episodes of Joyous Journeys over 60. Looking forward to it. Thanks as always, Andreas. Bye, everyone. Hi, everyone.
Jayne
[00.24.11]
Perfect.
Andreas
[00.24.12]
I thought that meant well.
Jayne
[00.24.14]
Yeah, I thought so too.