recording_0
Jayne
0:00
1s Hi everyone. Welcome back to Joyous Journeys over 60. I'm Jane Wray and I'm here with my podcast partner,
Andreas
0:07
Andrea Stein. today we're going to change gears a little bit. we're going to talk about a topic near and dear I think to both of our hearts. Yes, indeed. And it's
Jayne
0:16
going to be food.
Andreas
0:18
Love to eat,
Jayne
0:19
love to eat. The need to eat. Yes. And we're not going to talk about the health aspects of healthy eating and healthy lifestyles. There's a lot of resources about that. But food plays an important role in a joyous journey over 60.
Andreas
0:39
Food creates community. Think back what creates community as a family? You sit and have dinner together around a table and all. This happens way less today than it used to. But traditionally, and in many cases still today. Sitting around a table, eating a meal together and the conversations that come out of that. That forges a bond that is so strong that it's not going to be broken for years, maybe for the rest of life. It is that experience of eating together a meal that is deeply powerful and spiritual.
Jayne
1:20
Absolutely. And food also, I think, plays a role in and how we self-heal. You know, there are those that that say you could use food as medication that if you're, you know, we've all heard the term comfort food, um, you know, the rom com movies always talk about, you know, if you're sad, you need a quart of ice cream, right? Um, and, you know, they're not talking about doing anything else. They're talking about. Okay, um, let's go feed ourselves. And part of it is you're feeding your body, right? But you're also feeding your mind. And in many cases, you're feeding your soul, right? Um, through the simple act of putting food in your mouth. Right. There is. I often wondered about, you know, when we use a phrase, comfort food is usually associated with certain kinds of food ice cream, something that tends to be very hearty and heavy. But I'm not even sure that a comfort food is about a specific, you know, kind of food that you're eating. I think there is a different dimension that when we are in need of comfort in our weather, we've just experienced a disappointment, feel depressed or down, whatever it is, and just the act of of eating and strengthening our body and strengthening our. So there is there's comfort in,
Andreas
2:40
in that act of, of eating out, you know. Yeah, obviously we can't push it to the extreme of just, you know, keep eating every single day. As much as we wanted to find comfort because there are some physical problems that come with that, obviously. But food is not just about the the nutrition and the physicality of it. There is a deeply emotional aspect to food. There is deeply spiritual aspect to food, and very often it is that aspect that really, uh, that energizes us.
Jayne
3:17
And comfort food is interesting because sometimes it evokes a memory. So it could be something that your mother or your grandmother made, and you remember going to their house. It could be a meal you had at a restaurant that, uh, for this reason, was celebrating an occasion. Food actually can evoke a memory. Yes. And and make you feel good or bad because you're feeding yourself to punish. And that's a whole different conversation. But. But food has such an emotional relationship with our bodies and our minds that. Give us joy. 1s I'll give us comfort. 1s Um, sometimes are almost self-medicating. They have the same. They have the same result as, you know, calming you down. That's why the quart of ice cream, um, you know, uh, it it has so many different roles in our life, uh, you know, finding a new restaurant and that experience, you know, finding your inner foodie. And, you know, whether you're living in the same place you lived for a long time or you're in a new place, but that whole exploration aspect of finding food, we're not hunters anymore. We're not gatherers anymore. Uh, going to a farmer's market and finding I love going to farmer's market and, uh, you know, Fort Myers, we have a really good one. And maybe somebody has, um, is selling something that they've homemade that is ethnic, and you've never tried it before or fruits and vegetables that it could be grown organically. There's something there's something very satisfying.
Andreas
4:57
You know, we've made a couple of the farmers market here on Sanibel and, uh, they're from Germany is as real as I am. And, uh, and so I started drilling for them and, uh, they've made they're making pastries.
Jayne
5:16
I the exact same way. The taste is exactly the same as I remember it growing up in Germany. I haven't had these specific tastes in 40 years. The first time I tried this, I said, oh my God, I feel like a child again. Uh, you know this, it's not like it's a special, but it brings back memories. And by doing that, I bring comfort and and I want that, you know, so there is this aspect of food bringing back memories. And these memories may have a certain powerful emotional, uh, impact. But my wife and I were dating in the first time she introduced me to her hair, and there was a very specific meal that she prepared. Not the fancy red cabbage. I love red cabbage. Uh, 1s it's Germany, so boiled potatoes and chicken. Rotisserie chicken. So nothing fancy. But why? I mean, whenever I have this combination with their chicken tesserae. Chicken, red cabbage, potatoes.
Andreas
6:23
It's like something inside of me calms down and something inside of me. I love this. I'm not even sure if it's about the taste or about the memory. I think it's more about the memory than it is about the taste, because nothing really fancy about that meal. But food brings back memories, and that's powerful.
Jayne
6:43
I think the food also has a very important role in connections. Yes. So I know that when I was working and if we were about to have a contentious meeting, you know, but when I was before I had my own business, I was incorporated. And if I had to go meet with other department heads and I knew it wasn't going to go well, I always ordered in a pizza because you can't fight with food in your mouth, right? So there, there. It has a role. Yes, that really does defuse situations because if you're breaking bread together, then there is a camaraderie there. There's a connection there, whether you're not necessarily on the same side of it, of a discussion or an argument, there's something about it. There's something about going out to dinner with friends or family. It's. Where you go is interesting and having that common experience, but it's also the piece of sitting at a table and you may sit there for hours just talky. Or if you haven't seen somebody for a long time, chances are good you're going to say, well, what do we need at a restaurant or a coffee shop? Right. Why don't we break bread together? And and even though you may not think of it that way, 1s particularly at this age, because you may be reconnecting with people you haven't seen in a long time, you may see your family, and you don't get to see them every day. You may have a shared experience with your partner or your spouse. Um, and the fun of finding a new place and then telling other people about it afterwards. There's such a social and emotional connection, and it isn't just our mouth celebrating, it's our brain and our heart celebrating as well. Food can make you happy. Now I know the nutritionists and the doctors don't necessarily want to hear that, but food can make you happier. And I think I love what you said, Jane. You can't fight if you eat. As there is something in there that are so powerful, you know, as it has to write out and think about one of the key founding moments of our of our faith is Jesus coming together with his 12 friends. 1s And having dinner together. We call it the Passover, celebrating the Passover, and we ritualized it from zero. And how about it? 1s Really what happened is they they ate together, they had dinner together, and
Andreas
9:14
there was something that forged them together. Is that the moment it was changed? The world started with eating together. I don't think that's a coincidence. There is something so powerful, as you said. You know, you go out and eat dinner with friends, with your spouse. There is something so powerful in there that it it it changes something inside of you. It creates a bond that is so powerful and so and, you know, to be intentional about this, you know, whether it's about creating community, creating a new bond, you know, reconnecting to a person, sometimes it's as simple as taking the time. 1s Of eating together. Put the phone aside. Don't check the news. Don't check the text messages. Don't check the emails. Don't check the TVs in the background to see together and talk to each other. That's powerful.
Jayne
10:11
It's very. It's communion. I mean, the in the truest definition of the word, it is communion. And so really two thoughts about that. First of all, you know, we talk about finding community. And when we say finding community or finding where you can, you belong always sounds like a big community, right? Like you should join the 100 person knitting circle. You should join a country club or sometimes finding community. As you meet a new person and you say, hey, let's go to lunch. Yeah, you free next week, let's have lunch together. Or, you know, a couple of couples say, hey, why don't we plan to go to dinner, go out to dinner together? And that's where you get to know each other more because it is less intimidating getting to know somebody new. 1s Whether again it's it's a new friend, whether it's another couple, whether its a group of people. Something less intimidating, less insecure about particularly sitting in a public place, maybe with a glass of wine, uh, and and a meal and and suddenly new friends become comfortable friends. You know, one of the truly successful programs that you're doing a piece here, you know, being a seasonal church, a lot of people coming in on early January and Florida is really, really nice, you know, as we coalesce through dinner, in essence, we just, you know, people, you know, one of our volunteers divides people up into different groups. So they meet once a month. They can go to a restaurant or meet in the home, wherever it is. People that don't know each other at all, strangers together. Have dinner. January, February, March, find out, find a restaurant or meet at home and the friendships that were born out of these dinner groups say, lasting for years and years and years, because there is something so powerful coming together and just eating together and talking to each other. It's so much easier to get to know another person when you share a meal. Yeah, if you don't have a meal there and though you. Obviously a good meal rolls with a glass of wine. I'm driven with a glass of beer. Whatever it is, it doesn't matter. But you
Andreas
12:24
forge community when you share a meal
Jayne
12:27
and you're sharing an experience. Yeah. And I think whether it's the experience in somebody's home, whether it's the experience in a restaurant, even if it was a bad experience in the restaurant, like the food was terrible. You'll have that shared experience. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. You know, and and just to share one thing. So my husband and I like to cruise. And so when you cruise, you get a choice of whether you want to dine just the two of you, or if you want to dine at a table with other people. We always choose other people always. Because, you know, it's so much fun to sit around. I'm probably never going to see these people again after we get off the ship, but it is so much fun talking to people. And so let me get somebody at the table that like, you kind of like, oh, well, I don't see myself being being friends with them, but it's just fun for an hour and a half, two hours to just sit there with other people and learn about them and share a little bit of. And then you talk about the food or what are you going to order off the menu? Conversation becomes also very easy, right? Because the first conversation is so what looks good, right. What on the menu looks good. What do you think you're going to order? Oh well that looks good. But I was thinking that suddenly the conversation opens. And now like, you know, like any direction that you wanted to to move in. So also being in a situation where you can interact with other people in kind of a safe way, because after you get up from the table, everybody goes the wrong way. And you may say, hey, hi, how are you? But it's it is it doesn't feed those insecurities and those, those other pieces,
Andreas
13:57
if you know. 1s And so hard. When you get to know another person, often you don't know. Do we have anything in common? What are we going to talk about? Is it going to be awkward silence? Do I need to keep the conversation going? 1s Everyone likes to eat. So, yeah, have dinner. There's always, you know, there is a food. And as you said. Hey, guys, that look good. I hate pasta. I need a steak. You know, I like seafood, whatever it is. Everyone likes to eat. So it's it's so much easier to build a relationship over a shared dinner than it is over whatever else there is. Because food ties us all together. We all like it. We all need it. We all want it. And that is kind of a common denominator.
Jayne
14:47
So let's talk about the other side of it, where food can be lonely. Yeah. You know, we talked about in a previous episode about loneliness and and I always say, particularly when you're you're alone, maybe you've lost a partner. Um, you know, the, the dissolution of marriage or somebody passed away. Maybe you moved to a new place and you're on your own. Dinner can be very lonely.
Andreas
15:12
Can be very lonely. I've seen I see it here in Fort Myers. You know where this time of the year? Summer, when Florida is miserably hot and humid and a lot of people are leaving, and so many people are. They say, sure, I'm the only person, you know, in my condo complex. You know, there's a big hallway come January, February is buzzing, buzzing, buzzing. No, I'm eating dinner all by myself and I don't even want to read it all because I don't care. I don't want to cook for my I don't want to cook for myself, that I don't care about going to a restaurant. I just sit alone at a table and it doesn't matter. It becomes a very, very lonely experience and that loneliness becomes very, very painful. Uh, it hurts, you know? And so because somehow we are designed to. To eat dinner together with other people. And this goes back to the community, you know, um, you know, finding a community break, even if it's not every day where I can share, you know, a dinner together. And I'm not just sitting there and and just gathering all of cereals to put something in my mouth. Had to be done with it. You know, uh, that's less lonely. We need this community.
Jayne
16:35
Yeah. And and so. What I find interesting is some of the independent living place, most of the independent living places, assisted living places. If you're in that situation, they do have communal dining. They have dining rooms. Um, there are dining groups. You know, I mentioned on the last one about meet up their foodie groups. Right. Um, now that's harder because you have to kind of step into the unknown or whatever. Churches often, um, host dinners or I think one of the hardest things I ever had to learn. And I will tell you, it was hard learning to go to a restaurant by myself. Yeah. Um, one of the things I find very interesting lately is counters in nice restaurants. Sitting at the counter seems to be a thing. 1s Like a thing. Like I was at a restaurant where you needed reservations, and getting a counter reservation was harder than getting a table recipe. Really? Yeah. So they're now doing it where you sit at a counter and you're like, right next to the kitchen, right? And you're kind of interacting with the chef or the whatever, and there's a line of people and you don't know whether they're together or they're on their own or whatever. So you find a restaurant that has a counter and you're looking to go to a restaurant by yourself. Counter is a really easy place to sit by. Sit by yourself because you could talk to the person next to you, or you don't have to sit talk to the person next to you. But you don't have to feel that intimidation of sitting at a table by yourself.
Andreas
18:03
And who would you talk to? If you're sitting by a table by yourself and you know there's a physical separation to the next day, I can yell across the room, uh, you know, so that you are almost sentenced to not talk to anyone. So sitting at a counter like this facilitates that conversation. Community
Jayne
18:22
building? Yeah. I've been to three restaurants lately that actually have counter seating. And it's funny because I always thought I wouldn't want to sit at the counter. Some people will eat at the bar. Right though, because that's a counter of sorts. Right. But find those tools or those techniques to get out of the house, get out of the house. Um, with dinner, even if you're in a relationship sometimes just eating the dinner, the two of you, every night, you pull out your phone and whatever, get out of the house. Right? Find a way. Even if you even if you do takeout and go sit in a park and eat it there because you're still surrounded by people, you should find a way to eat food. Not alone. And I
Andreas
19:06
think what you just mentioned, Jane, is a different point. And we touched on this earlier. Just don't check your phone. I don't follow the news on the back screen there. There's got to be enough time for you to check your text messages after a few eat dinner. 1s It is about building relationships, talking to other people. Uh, you know, and you, you you don't have a chance to do that if you keep, you know, following the news, responding to this text message, responding to that email. Yes, there is. There are times when you are so busy you need to, you know, stay connected, you know, but as that becomes a regular norm that you are just eating a dinner in order to, you know, add to some other text messages or emails that you've gotten. You define the purpose. Food is powerful because it creates community and relationships. Emails and text messages can undo that, so just leave it there.
Jayne
20:05
Yeah, I absolutely agree. And listen, we're not telling you to go out to dinner every single night, right? Like maybe pick one night a week. But if you're in a lonely situation to to do that and pick a different restaurant each time. Lunch. If you meet a new friend, ask them to lunch. It's a lot less intimidating than dinner, and it's easier to say, hey, let's go to lunch, as opposed to let's make plans to go have dinner. And that never happens. So there are techniques and tools that you can use where food can be an enabler, right, of your joyous journey over 60, because everybody likes to eat
Andreas
20:43
right, everyone likes to eat. And how often I've I've heard of. Yeah, we should do dinner at some point. Hey, let's meet tomorrow at 6:00. You choose a restaurant or I can choose the restaurant. But be intentional because it's so easy. Yeah, we should do it. And then it never happens. Hey, let's meet tomorrow or Thursday. Do you have time there to be very intentional about that?
Jayne
21:03
Yeah. Or even if you're in a, let's say you're volunteer and then whatever you were doing is ended, say to people, hey, anybody want to have lunch?
Andreas
21:12
Absolutely. Because it was a natural continuation of the the fellowship, the community that built there. And then you just translate it to a different place and suddenly you can talk about other stuff as well.
Jayne
21:25
Yeah. So this conversation has made me hungry now. I
Andreas
21:28
mean,
Jayne
21:30
yeah, I hope it's made you hungry too, but hungry for, uh, really recognizing the power of food in a joyous journey over 60. Whether you're exploring new restaurants, you're becoming a foodie. You're looking to connect with new relationships or connect with existing relationships. The the social, emotional, the physical aspects of food really shouldn't should not be underestimated, and I hope you'll reflect on them 1s as always. Andreas, I said, it's always fun talking to you about this. Uh, again, we kind of, um, started off on a different topic, but I think we really we really delve deep into it.
Andreas
22:11
I think so, so enjoy a nice dinner with, uh, friends or family and enjoy the fellowship and enjoy the food.
Jayne
22:19
Wishing you a blessed day. I'm Jane Ray,
Andreas
22:22
Andrea Stein, and we'll see you again. 2s That was fun. That was fun.
Jayne
22:29
See you around me.