Marcus Aurelius advises us to… “Stop letting your emotions override what your mind tells you,

stop being hypocritical, self-centred, irritable”.

Acting out of emotion is often depicted as a stark contrast to acting rationally,

and this is not without reason: there is nothing that clouds our judgement

more than our own emotions can. So if you want to think clearly at all times,

one of the most important skills to master is the ability to control your emotions.

According to Marcus Aurelius, the emotion of anger in particular, does us more harm than good.

Contrary to what many people seem to think or try, controlling your emotions does not

mean suppressing them. When you feel intense anger as a result of a betrayal, you cannot

control this anger by denying its existence to yourself or others or by pretending you’re fine:

it will still be there, no matter how deep down you push it. Instead, controlling emotions such

as anger is, according to the stoics, done by redirecting emotions. So when you are next

experiencing anger, ask yourself what you can do with that anger. Yelling at the one who hurt you

might seem tempting, but will it help you lessen your hurt or better your situation? Will it help

the one who betrayed you be better? In short: think about what you are tempted to do and

then ask yourself if it is helpful. If not, find ways to express your emotions that are helpful.

Maybe you can achieve better results by calmly talking with the one who hurt you, explaining your

feelings, and trying to see their side. You could also journal, take part in physical exercise,

get lost in a video game or anything else that might help you let go of your anger afterwards.

For another example, take anxiety or fear. You cannot simply push it down, but you can redirect

it. Instead of letting anxiety paralyse you, you can use it to challenge yourself to take those

actions that make you feel it and acknowledge its existence throughout. Let’s say you’re too scared

to ask your boss for a raise. Lots of people see such fear as a reason not to do something and they

allow themselves to be stopped by their anxieties. Others might be able to go through with it and

regard their anxiety as something that is in the way and needs to be pushed down and ignored.

But neither has to be the case: instead, your fear is something that can be expressed healthily and

maybe even end up being helpful. For example, this fear makes you think about everything that

can go wrong - which can lead you to consider all the possible questions your boss might ask,

all the counterarguments you might get to hear. This way you can brace for them,

and form a plan for each possible scenario. But most importantly, the fear provides a

positive motivation to go through with it: to challenge yourself and grow as a person.

To prove to yourself that you can. To make the step not despite your fear, but partly

because of it. And in that scenario, you can be aware of the anxiety throughout and think,

‘How awesome that I’m trying this anyway?!’ When you manage to redirect strong emotions with ease,

you will be a calm person no matter what and your emotions will never lessen your ability to think

rationally and make smart decisions. Controlling your emotions is the key to a calmer mind.