In the words of Marcus Aurelius “You have power over your mind – not

outside events. Realise this, and you will find strength.”.

The dichotomy of control is the distinction

between what we can control and what we cannot. For example, the weather,

traffic issues or what people think about you are all outside of your control. But how you dress,

at what time you leave and the kind of people you surround yourself with? That you can control.

So, whenever you face a situation that makes you feel a certain way, ask yourself:

what can I control? Whatever you can control is a reason to act. Whatever you cannot control,

you should learn to accept and embrace without letting it affect you. Learning

to distinguish these two things and act accordingly can clear your mind instantly.

A very important part of the dichotomy of control is amor fati, or, translated:

love for fate. When you embrace life and all the circumstances it brings you,

you will always love life. You cannot escape fate or decide circumstances

that are out of your control - but you can choose to love your life no matter what.

If you find that you are rejected for a job you have wanted for years,

you might think there is no redemption in such a situation. You wanted the job,

tried and failed - you couldn’t possibly pretend to love fate in a circumstance like this. However,

this is a misunderstanding. Instead of viewing the fact you didn’t fulfil your ambition purely as a

negative, investigate what led to the negative result and use it to make a positive move. Either

the reason you didn’t get the job was a failure on your part, in which case this is something you

can control. You can work on those failings and try again when a similar opportunity appears

in the future. Or the reason was an external factor, like nepotism or a personality clash

with a member of the hiring staff. This was never in your control, meaning the opportunity never

truly existed, and there’s no point getting upset over something that has never existed.

One part of accepting fate is distancing yourself from a fixed outcome and from external markers of

success. If you want to be a writer, for example, and measure your success by the amount of sales

your book makes, then you will let your success be controlled by the arbitrary book market of the

time. But if you choose to measure your success by how satisfied you are with your finished product,

or by the amount of work you put into it, then you are in control of your success.

So by all means, make sure to do everything in power to try and achieve your goals! But

never forget that you might not achieve them and accept this possibility in advance. If we

occupy ourselves only with what is in our control and vow to accept everything that

isn’t the exact way it comes, then one will find themselves being calm whatever happens.