Tallgirl6234: welcome to sense, sensibility, and chaos where we share our questionable choices, so you can learn from them, or at least laugh at them.

I'm busy meticulously planning my way through life, but somehow still managing to trip over my own strategies.

WellReadHead: I'm well read. If there's a book about it, I've read it, annotated it, and yet somehow still ignored all the advice.

Tallgirl6234: And I'm tall, girl. I operate almost exclusively on gut instinct and mild overconfidence.

BusySomethings: Together we dissect life's greatest mishaps, because what's wisdom without a little humiliation First

WellReadHead: So grab a drink, water, wine, or whatever fuels your personal brand of chaos, and let's get into it.

Tallgirl6234: On today's episode. We're diving into mistakes that shaped us, the ones we should have seen coming, the ones that somehow worked out. Anyway, let's unpack the chaos

Tallgirl6234: I love. When people like you seem so grown up, I'm like, Oh, my.

BusySomethings: No.

Tallgirl6234: Did you get that wrong.

BusySomethings: It's a delusion my sweet summer children.

Tallgirl6234: Oh!

BusySomethings: Alright. So let's dive into it today.

BusySomethings: Let's start with the I definitely should have known better moments.

BusySomethings: Now, I think we can kind of categorize categorize these as the red flags. Some of us also see that as a challenge.

BusySomethings: and instead of running away from them.

WellReadHead: Stop talking about me. That's just rude.

Tallgirl6234: I was. Gonna say, why are we personally attacking each other? And then I realized, like, Oh, no, she's just.

BusySomethings: I was talking about myself, but I mean we we all.

Tallgirl6234: Little bit of trigger on this topic.

WellReadHead: I think I think I've won the red flag

WellReadHead: game in the last 10 years or so you tell why. Just hello.

Tallgirl6234: Oh a detailed list.

WellReadHead: Yeah, dating your ex-boyfriend. Don't do that. Guys

WellReadHead: don't, don't, don't go back and date your ex-boyfriend it. There's a it's called a breakup for a reason.

BusySomethings: Hmm.

WellReadHead: It's broken.

WellReadHead: Don't try to fix it.

BusySomethings: Don't do that.

WellReadHead: Don't do that.

Tallgirl6234: Listeners who made other choices go. You glad it worked out.

WellReadHead: If if it works out for you fantastic, but for the 90% of us, it doesn't work out for stay away.

WellReadHead: That's 1 red flag that I charge towards with all my blinders on working for any company that

WellReadHead: calls itself a family.

Tallgirl6234: We're family. We need you to work all the hours of a day. Did you sleep at your desk? Great! Why did you sleep.

WellReadHead: Yep, yep, so those are just some of my

WellReadHead: I definitely should have known better moments.

Tallgirl6234: I tend to befriend people.

Tallgirl6234: And you surprised when I say this. But

Tallgirl6234: I have this like, I don't pick up stray animals. I pick up stray people thing.

Tallgirl6234: because sometimes, through no fault of your own, like friends get married, you move somewhere. So when somebody is alone, and it's like I have no friends. I always kind of feel bad for them, because I know what it is to have amazing friends, and I'm always like.

Tallgirl6234: but you could be great.

Tallgirl6234: Some of them have turned out.

WellReadHead: Less than stellar.

Tallgirl6234: They?

Tallgirl6234: I there's a reason they're alone.

Tallgirl6234: usually by their own choice. But I think of it. If I was ever like, if you guys ever weren't around, and if I was ever truly alone I would want somebody to take 10 seconds to try.

BusySomethings: I just.

BusySomethings: But 1st of all, 1st of all.

BusySomethings: if the 2 of us are not around.

BusySomethings: and you have now thrown yourselves into the depths of despair.

BusySomethings: and but you have enough time to find other friends. How dare you?

BusySomethings: How.

Tallgirl6234: Girls that Blanche made a date at her husband's funeral. Sometimes you need to get over your grief in productive ways.

BusySomethings: Oh.

BusySomethings: the the stabbing! I did not know I if I knew we were going to be cutting each other so soon on this day I would have had an emt on standby. Jesus.

Tallgirl6234: Look, you guys evaporate from this earth, and I'm really sad. But in the same moment somebody tells me I just inherited a blueberry farm.

Tallgirl6234: I'm gonna be conflicted. But I'm gonna carry on with the Blueberry farm.

BusySomethings: How do you know that's just gonna keep you a blueberry farm.

Tallgirl6234: You know, people you don't know Blueberry farm people. I know Blueberry farm people.

WellReadHead: Of course you do.

Tallgirl6234: Blueberry Farm people, which might be another red flag. But.

BusySomethings: That is true, that is, especially when you eat too many. And they, I don't know.

BusySomethings: cause a problem in your body, but you don't seem to. Your red flag is a blue flag.

Tallgirl6234: It's true.

BusySomethings: It really is.

Tallgirl6234: Look if if my most unhealthy addiction is kale blueberries, vegetables of all fermented varieties, I think I'm good.

BusySomethings: No, I mean to be fair in in all kidding aside Red's sister, like a week or so ago they were talking about death, and Red was telling her how the 2 of us talk about death all the time, and her sister said we need to die on the same day.

BusySomethings: because basically.

WellReadHead: We would be unbearable.

BusySomethings: The other one would be so inconsolable.

BusySomethings: But we've talked about this. She knows what her her

BusySomethings: routine is supposed to be, what what I expect, if I go first, st what I expect her to do at my funeral, the outfits to wear what is expected, and we've both said that while we we know. And I think this goes for you, too.

BusySomethings: while we appreciate and expect some morning that we don't want you to be that type of friend. It's like I can't go on in life because busy and tall on around hell no, go live the life for all of us. Cause some problems. Be that, you know, sarcastic old woman, do the stuff that I would have done

BusySomethings: But if you take on other best friends, I will come, and you both.

Tallgirl6234: How.

BusySomethings: Okay.

Tallgirl6234: No other people you can loosely associate with them, but from the grave.

BusySomethings: I will be moving stuff in your apartment.

Tallgirl6234: I will move your apartment. I'm not. I'm not moving a buzz. I will move your apartment if you try to bff it in your later years.

BusySomethings: Red. Your coffee is gonna taste like crap. Tall girl. You're just gonna have strings showing up everywhere as I channel your mother like. It's gonna be full on

BusySomethings: beyond the grave. War like, just know that I mean so like make friends. But if they're your besties, I am coming for you with all my death energy I can.

WellReadHead: I'm just gonna bring you guys back to life.

WellReadHead: I will necromance the crap out of you.

BusySomethings: Oh, I just imagine it being like practical magic, and I'm like.

Tallgirl6234: I don't want to glitter in the sun like. Can I pick the necromance version of me.

BusySomethings: Just.

WellReadHead: Of course!

BusySomethings: I just like. Listen, now that I found out that asteroid it is not going to be asteroid is not going to be hitting us.

BusySomethings: or it's getting like the chances I'm like, really disappointed.

Tallgirl6234: It could hit an asteroid and knock it back into trajectory. Why are you so negative about these things?

BusySomethings: It's just the way I am right now.

Tallgirl6234: Tyson degrass is not always right. He's not always right. Sometimes Pluto, as an example.

BusySomethings: You leave Pluto alone. He's been through enough in this world. He was a planet. He wasn't.

WellReadHead: And the grass. Tyson said that it wasn't a planet. He was incorrect.

BusySomethings: He's been. You leave Pluto alone.

WellReadHead: I love Pluto. Pluto is my planet.

BusySomethings: All right. I'm just saying.

Tallgirl6234: I'm not picking on it. Even when certain people weren't calling it a planet. I was.

BusySomethings: I was too.

Tallgirl6234: If and when I commit, I stay committed.

Tallgirl6234: Pluto is going to be a planet for forever.

WellReadHead: Absolutely.

BusySomethings: I'm trying to think of any red flags of my own. I'm sure I have them.

BusySomethings: I feel like I see red. I feel like she's like.

WellReadHead: This is, I told you guys, I win the red flag category.

Tallgirl6234: I think I like

Tallgirl6234: I make them, but then I talk myself out of them pretty quick, but also I tend to carry buckets of common sense on some things the really dumb things I do. And I do. Well, I live up to the blonde aspect of my life in full force. But

Tallgirl6234: yeah, it's weird, because you're the most like logical forethought of us. But like.

BusySomethings: I'm sorry who.

WellReadHead: Me.

BusySomethings: Yeah.

Tallgirl6234: So when she like, does it, she does it full force fantastically. Well.

WellReadHead: Damn the torpedoes.

Tallgirl6234: But.

WellReadHead: Full speed ahead.

WellReadHead: Yep, I am. I run headlong into anything that

WellReadHead: is probably going to be a bad idea, not anything, but

WellReadHead: lots of things that are probably going to be bad ideas.

Tallgirl6234: But in fairness, like I trip over nonsensical things all day, every day you like, bank them up.

WellReadHead: I know that it's going to go wrong.

WellReadHead: I know that it's gonna end, not well for me, but I do it anyway, because you know

WellReadHead: why not.

Tallgirl6234: But what's it? It's worth the fall, and a green gables like.

BusySomethings: Do you know how many times she falls? Do you know how many times?

BusySomethings: Oh, she ends up with her ankle sprained.

Tallgirl6234: From the top of like, you know, Mount Everest, she she doesn't just fall. She's not like oops. Oh.

WellReadHead: I paraglide, and it's often bumpy on the way down.

Tallgirl6234: Bumpy.

BusySomethings: Like a flying squirrel. Just hit a tree.

Tallgirl6234: Coyote level, like face playing.

Tallgirl6234: It's just a little well-read, like shape in the desert, for where we collapsed.

WellReadHead: Aiiiee

BusySomethings: That's fair, all right. So then, what about near disasters that worked out.

Tallgirl6234: Legally, or the ones we shouldn't talk about on air.

BusySomethings: Oh, okay.

WellReadHead: But let's go with the ones that we should.

WellReadHead: you know. Let's not go with the ones that we should stay away from.

Tallgirl6234: Do we believe that police officers listen to our podcast?

WellReadHead: Well.

BusySomethings: Alright! Here's a simple one. It's nothing crazy. But when you've done a day, a long day of driving.

BusySomethings: and it was probably too late.

BusySomethings: And

BusySomethings: you know, blessings on new technology in my car where it's like, Hey, you're getting too close to something because it turns out, after driving for 1011 h. My eyes got a little tired, and luckily the car was like idiot. You're getting too close to someone at the speed you're going, and I woke up so that was a near miss, and I was like

BusySomethings: Oh, if there's any guardian angels, spears whatever is like

BusySomethings: my bad that was on me, and it was like 10 min from my house, too. So it was close. I was like, All right. Good. I'm up. I'm awake.

BusySomethings: Apparently. I like that little near death feel in the evening.

BusySomethings: So that was like a near disaster. Recently not recently past 6, 7 months that worked out.

Tallgirl6234: You're never allowed to buy a car that doesn't have that in it.

WellReadHead: If anything, we want it to be louder and more frequent.

BusySomethings: What about you? Tall.

Tallgirl6234: I'm trying to think of what I can talk about.

Tallgirl6234: tend to get into stupid circumstances, but it's always like I don't know

Tallgirl6234: they were fun, and I was underage. So I don't think I can be held responsible for any of them. But like.

Tallgirl6234: okay, but like underage, I went out to parties, and I went out to clubs, and in our day New York City didn't card the way they used to. So

Tallgirl6234: you're of an age where you should not be in some of these environments and

Tallgirl6234: mean we had cell phones, but they weren't like locating cell phones. So like.

WellReadHead: Yep.

Tallgirl6234: Technically, you could call somebody, but you also wouldn't have called anybody, or like you had to convince a cabbie to like get you out into the middle of Queens warehouse district like

Tallgirl6234: none of the cabbies wanted to go. But that's where you needed to be kind of.

BusySomethings: I also don't think it was, as from my perspective, I don't think

BusySomethings: the way I am now with friends and family when they go out, or I know they're going out, whether I'm with them or not. I say, please let me know when you get there. Let me know when you get back. I don't think it was as

BusySomethings: common when we were younger, like it was kind of like

BusySomethings: you're going out into the world, and let's see if you come back like from from my perspective.

WellReadHead: I definitely think that that let me know when you get where you're supposed to be going, or let me know when you get home comes from our younger

WellReadHead: trauma, having had stuff happen to people who are in the warehouse district, and you know, at

WellReadHead: 1415 years old, and ought not to be

Tallgirl6234: I never did any of that.

WellReadHead: And I never went to limelight.

BusySomethings: None of us did.

BusySomethings: None of us went to a former church converted into a club

BusySomethings: that had questionable morals going on there.

BusySomethings: None of us.

WellReadHead: No.

Tallgirl6234: I mean, I think it's just. I got rid of my truly stupid stuff, and not like I was planning on it. But like I got all my stupid stuff out of the way before I like turned 18.

Tallgirl6234: By the time I got to uni, I was kind of like, okay, like. I'm going to buckle now now, because, like now, I can be an adult. Now I'm in charge of my stuff.

Tallgirl6234: I just.

BusySomethings: Have time to worry about being stupid and.

Tallgirl6234: You guys were also grown up like I was a kid.

BusySomethings: Yeah. You've had that.

Tallgirl6234: You guys were parents.

WellReadHead: Stupid stuff!

BusySomethings: We worry about the mortgages, I mean, I kid, but not totally, but somewhat.

WellReadHead: I still did some stupid stuff, despite the fact that I was thinking about

WellReadHead: adult things at a young age. Getting too drunk to stand up.

BusySomethings: And allowing myself to be walked home by 3 guys.

WellReadHead: There are so many ways that that could have gone wrong, and because I chose my friends well, that did not go wrong.

WellReadHead: However.

BusySomethings: I was just gonna ask, Did you know the guys? Okay?

WellReadHead: Oh, yeah, yeah, to their credit.

BusySomethings: Yeah.

Tallgirl6234: I mean, I got to college, and we started to pay one of our friends in pizza and wings like we would go to parties.

Tallgirl6234: and he would watch us like Thursday, Friday, Saturday.

Tallgirl6234: and then Sunday, we would buy him unlimited wings. Take out whatever it was like. You keep an eye because he wasn't a drinker like you. Keep an eye on us at these parties, and we in return will feed you all day Sunday. Kind of thing like if we've all made it back to the dorms and we're all alive.

Tallgirl6234: You get hot wings, which is a weird trade against the value of your life. But like.

BusySomethings: What do you think about it?

Tallgirl6234: Anyway, here's 12 chicken tenders.

BusySomethings: The thing about in in the form of like a college

BusySomethings: male student who gets an option of eating food from off campus. Yeah, it makes sense. It had value.

WellReadHead: A lot of those movies. Had some shady people at them.

WellReadHead: Shall we say.

BusySomethings: No.

WellReadHead: There that gatorade container that you don't drink from.

BusySomethings: Ding, ding.

Tallgirl6234: That entire Punch bowl that you were specifically told is not your beverage.

Tallgirl6234: This is why you also made friends with the people hosting the party, because you knew what to and to not to this day, as a grown adult, even at like business mixers.

Tallgirl6234: I will order something with like a bottle. I don't drink beer, but I will order something with a bottle top and put my finger over it, depending on where I am.

WellReadHead: Oh, yeah.

Tallgirl6234: Bartender to put water in a glass that looks like a high ball. They're like what you drinking vodka. I'm like, as long as you think that's what it is? Yep, yep, that's what I'm drinking.

Tallgirl6234: Yeah.

Tallgirl6234: I mean, like, Look in fairness. Everybody in my neighborhood was old when I was growing up. I used to like my mom did not know where I was. I would go from house to house to house, because, like one was a photographer for National Geographic. The other one was retired dentist. The other one was a painter like

Tallgirl6234: they were really fascinating people, but like as a kid, I would go hang out in their homes, and my mom had no idea where I was. So, for like

Tallgirl6234: a couple hours a day did I lock myself in the house with a grown adult that wasn't my parent like, yeah.

Tallgirl6234: I can't

Tallgirl6234: like a hell of an education. But apparently like years later, my mom was like, yeah, there were times when I went looking for you, and nobody knew where you were.

BusySomethings: I think of somewhat like I grew up.

BusySomethings: I mean this, I started in the city, and then we moved when I was older. But my childhood best friend and I. We had our

BusySomethings: backyards next to each other, and there was a gate between us. The parents put a gate between us. So we were just running back and forth, up and down the streets in a city.

BusySomethings: By ourselves under 10,

BusySomethings: like up and down the streets, down to the the local bodega, like just up and running around

BusySomethings: like they knew in the general area where we could be.

BusySomethings: But there was no, you know, confirmation of life.

BusySomethings: and when I think about it now, like.

WellReadHead: When the street lamps came on.

BusySomethings: My neighbor had an actual triangle bell.

BusySomethings: so the whole neighborhood knew to get your asses home.

Tallgirl6234: We didn't do. Street lights, our cops and all the towns nearby. They let off the fire like the emergency siren goes off at 6 o'clock, for, like 2 beeps.

Tallgirl6234: It's like in the summer. Sometimes the street lights don't come on until like 9 o'clock, so that wasn't the thing. They all go off at 6 o'clock, so, like everybody in my town, knows home to get home at 6.

BusySomethings: Fair enough.

Tallgirl6234: I mean, I had like an 8 block radius of where I would have been. But there are a lot of people in an 8 block radius.

WellReadHead: Mhm

Tallgirl6234: Yeah, I mean, I still walk up to total strangers like I find you fascinating. Tell me things.

BusySomethings: I mean, we know I can't be left alone in public.

Tallgirl6234: I mean good, because there's like a CIA profiler like a nice dossier on these people. Give you.

WellReadHead: Oh, give me! Give me a a profiler or something along those lines, then I cannot be in public. No, absolutely not. Tell me about your life. I want to know

WellReadHead: what it is you do.

Tallgirl6234: I have like 3 questions. I'm like, okay, tell me about this outfit choice.

Tallgirl6234: Okay?

Tallgirl6234: Tell me, do you have more of these outfits at home. And now this is, you know this is busy. She'll talk to you for the next 45 min. I'm out.

BusySomethings: Yeah, this is busy. She's gonna get down into some deep

BusySomethings: family breakdown. And what did you want to be when you were a child, please don't.

BusySomethings: Maybe going back to the Red flag question. I am the red flag like. Maybe that.

WellReadHead: You're not the red flag, you, if you will find the red flag if one exists.

BusySomethings: I don't know. I think I might be the if there's no flag around within it, like if- if you know, if you look around and there's.

WellReadHead: Asshole in the in the room.

BusySomethings: If there's no flag around, maybe I am the flag, you know things to consider.

WellReadHead: That's all I know.

BusySomethings: Alright. So what about things that we've actually learned

BusySomethings: this one? I have a good one for me.

Tallgirl6234: Okay, I still make low, level mistakes all the time.

Tallgirl6234: Oh, obviously, we all do, because obviously.

Tallgirl6234: despite some of the people who've wanted to put me at the bottom of a well with lotion. I'm still like Hi, new person. Let's be friends.

Tallgirl6234: But I also tend like I tend to hate making the same mistake twice. So for the bigger things like, and that's how we could have burned down the house. I will not repeat the same mistake. Over and over again I tend to make plans to avoid in future. You guys have seen some of the lists like how to avoid terrible vacations. I now have an entire spreadsheet

Tallgirl6234: with tabs and subdirectories.

WellReadHead: As you should.

Tallgirl6234: You could have so many terrible bachelorette parties before you really just like Give up. And you're like, no.

BusySomethings: Just let me play. I would say for me things that we've actually learned. I'm gonna pivot to professional that while there was a couple of years where I was moving well in my career, and

BusySomethings: positions were coming to me.

BusySomethings: and salary was going up, and I was happy with that progress. But I was not putting the time in to

BusySomethings: with intention. Upskill like I was still learning stuff and moving in my career, and, you know, progressing. But I was not being as intentional as I could be.

BusySomethings: so I think that in the past 5 6 years I've been more trying to be intentional and recognize that there was a lot of years of missed

BusySomethings: learning that I could have done. And it's not meaning that you have to go back to school. It just means maybe it's just networking better. Maybe it's reading articles, magazines, websites, whatnot in your profession. If it is, you know, education for me, it was certifications that I wanted to complete.

BusySomethings: Partly because I was pushed into a career by a manager. And

BusySomethings: I was like, Oh, this makes sense for me. Why didn't I know this sooner?

BusySomethings: So the certification from me was to

BusySomethings: validate, you know, like that. I knew what I was talking about so for me, that has been something where, just because you might be doing well. Don't stop

BusySomethings: upskilling. Don't stop networking. Don't stop looking for connections so like when I made that pivot and with intention. My 1st focus was finding people who had the job title that I was looking for find creators who put information out there connect with my local chapters on stuff professional organizations.

BusySomethings: And now I'm trying to pivot in a different industry. So now I've applied that again, finding people in that industry, finding creators in that industry as well like to move with intention.

BusySomethings: And also, I would also say.

BusySomethings: if you are at a point where you feel stuck.

BusySomethings: Look for if you don't have it at your current job

BusySomethings: professional coaches, because investing my in that a few times. I've always been at the time where I'm like, oh, my God, I don't really have the money right now. This is maybe not the best time to do this, and I've done it, and it led me to a person who led me to a coach, who led me to.

BusySomethings: and

BusySomethings: Creator, who led me, who led me, who led me, and all the little dots point together, and, and, hoping to.

BusySomethings: you know, turn out to be a continuous growth in my career.

BusySomethings: So that's something I would say that

BusySomethings: look, learn to continuously invest in yourself.

Tallgirl6234: In fairness. Nobody teaches you how to business like we go to Uni. We're taught to get a job, nobody ever tells you. And even we were in a sorority. So we kind of knew how like Office Bs was going to go, but like nobody really tells you how to negotiate a salary, and nobody can prepare you for that moment where you have to stand up for yourself with 2 years of experience.

Tallgirl6234: like, contrary to every other relationship. It's like, well, if you're dating, you shouldn't be trying to date other people, but at work you should be working. But you should also be spending an extra 8 h at home trying to find another job. It's

Tallgirl6234: like you especially seem to turn like work into family

Tallgirl6234: like with one of your jobs. We were like. You can't do that like you could be on the chopping block you got to trust, and we were like they are not your friends. When it comes down to it. You're a line on an excel spreadsheet.

Tallgirl6234: They will cut you kind of thing, but that's the danger of like companies that are like we are family.

Tallgirl6234: Nobody really explains how they do it, because it's like, of course, you're not family, but 8 HA day later you have a work. Wife. You have a work husband. You like your office. You're comfortable with your commute, like, you know, the good Baklava place is right around the corner.

Tallgirl6234: and you're kind of settled. You're like, this is okay. And you're this is what you're taught to like. But I'm happy. Why would I go look for something else. Why would I spend all this time on an extra certification like, you know, I'm getting raises. They're telling me I'm doing good. Yay, why would I give this up to start at the bottom again? Kind of thing it's

Tallgirl6234: there are conversations that people don't have until you're in it. And at that point. You're in it 5 years, plus. And you're like.

Tallgirl6234: Oh, like I, I had a job when I was in high school, and this woman was like. I'm going to mentor you.

Tallgirl6234: She was aggressive.

Tallgirl6234: She is now who I am. I now admit that I have become her in business, but, like at the time I was like.

Tallgirl6234: I don't care what the guys in the office think about me like you gotta dominate the space and you gotta be an Alpha in the conference room. And this is how you gotta negotiate. And I'm like.

Tallgirl6234: why, and then you get into business. And you're like, if I don't do those things.

Tallgirl6234: Nobody is going to hear me. Nobody's going to listen to me, and I am definitely not going to get the raises I deserve.

Tallgirl6234: whereas, you know, the little jackass walks into the office and is like, I want a raise, and they're like, sure, Dave.

Tallgirl6234: you do nothing but get a reward anyway, like that's the stuff like those are the mistakes. But you have to live through them to get there, because I got told

Tallgirl6234: very early on like this is the game, and this is how it's rigged. And then for 5 years I was like, I'm going to play the game my way.

Tallgirl6234: No, you're not.

Tallgirl6234: No, you're not.

Tallgirl6234: But now, like, you know, when negotiating for things like Oh, we don't negotiate on salary cool. I negotiate on Pto.

Tallgirl6234: Here are my solids like. I can walk away from this job opportunity. You need my talent way more than I need you.

Tallgirl6234: except for, like the 3 companies in New Jersey of the pension. If you're hiring high, I'd love to work from you on any level of capacity whatsoever to everybody else like. Ultimately.

Tallgirl6234: you know the money whatever, one way or another, within range.

Tallgirl6234: But no, I'm going to negotiate for something like vacation days or number of days in office, or, you know, reimbursement mileage for travel. Something

Tallgirl6234: and people like that's not something anybody tells you, or they tell you as a theoretical. But then, when you're negotiating via email with somebody in Hr. Who's like.

Tallgirl6234: it's all stuff you're not taught. There needs to be a common sense for careers.

BusySomethings: But unfortunately, being told more now

BusySomethings: I think that it also there was a shift.

BusySomethings: Starting that we were not aware of. Of.

BusySomethings: You know people, our parents, you know, you worked with a company

BusySomethings: you were with the company until you wanted to leave, or death

BusySomethings: or retirement, and so I think those days are gone.

BusySomethings: So I think we were, you know, starting to see that transition.

BusySomethings: And and I think people now with social media can hear more of this information that we're talking about now that younger kids can talk about. And you know, I think that we probably talk to our nieces and nephews about, even if they're too young to be in the work face, but just to be aware of

BusySomethings: like anything else. And so yeah, I think that's something that I learned.

BusySomethings: Read anything from you.

WellReadHead: Yeah, I actually have a book to recommend. It was recommended to me by a friend, and it proved to be helpful when I transitioned from a non-corporate job to a corporate job. The Millennials Guide to work.

Tallgirl6234: Bye.

WellReadHead: By Jennifer P. Wisdom.

Tallgirl6234: Excellent book.

WellReadHead: I have annotated it. I have sticky notes.

WellReadHead: it is. It is really an eye opener, especially when you have

WellReadHead: never had quote unquote a real job

WellReadHead: before it talks about how to negotiate and how to

WellReadHead: assert yourself, and how to. The only thing that I wish it had a little bit more of is

WellReadHead: talking about things from a female to male perspective. It does do quite a good job of that, but I would like a little bit more.

WellReadHead: just to

WellReadHead: kind of take the rough edges off of of things that women are not necessarily as comfortable, doing as men might be.

BusySomethings: Yes.

WellReadHead: Okay.

WellReadHead: apply. Apply to the job. Even if you only 75% of the criteria for the job, you're not losing anything by applying for it.

WellReadHead: Women will say, Well, I don't meet all of the criteria, so I'm not going to apply, whereas guys tend to go. Well, I I meet 50%. I might as well.

WellReadHead: And it's 1 of those things that nobody

WellReadHead: tells you. When you're starting to apply for jobs, apply for the job. They may, you know you may not be qualified enough. They may pass you over, but at least you've

WellReadHead: put yourself out there, and you.

BusySomethings: So I'm sorry.

WellReadHead: No, it's okay.

BusySomethings: I was saying, you also don't know like they may say, no, you might not be good for this, maybe something on your resume, they say, Hey, you might not be good. But would you be interested in X,

BusySomethings: and they have another possible role.

WellReadHead: Yeah, that happened to me recently. I applied for one job. And they said, We also have this job. Would you like to be for this job or for this job.

WellReadHead: And I got to choose which track I wanted to walk down, which was pretty cool, so

WellReadHead: I definitely recommend the Millennials Guide to Work, by Jennifer P. Wisdom for everybody out there. I think it's good for it does say millennials, but I think it's good for everyone from Gen. X. On down. It teaches you how to to do the things that we were talking about, that nobody teaches you how to do in university or or high school.

Tallgirl6234: And also, even if you don't have the skills or capacity. If the Hr. Interviewer likes you, the last 3 jobs I got, I would have told you I wasn't getting the jobs, because I had a really fun conversation with the people.

Tallgirl6234: To the point that it was like, oh, we could go like, have a drink afterwards, and I was like, Oh, no, there's no way I'm getting this job. Those are the jobs I always get. And they're like, because we liked you as a person. And I'm like they don't tell you that like they don't tell you to bring your personality to the interview.

Tallgirl6234: And it's like, that's that's actually, I think how I've won most of my jobs is like, no, we like you because you actually made a facial expression at some point.

BusySomethings: I think it's balance. I I you don't think I don't need to be all of me. But yes, show that

BusySomethings: you. You know what they might be seeing every day in the office or on, you know, remote or whatever you know. Bring some of you don't be some cookie cutter.

BusySomethings: and I don't know, and that's not. Everyone can't always do this. So I recognize that not everyone is comfortable letting some of the personality out, or are expressive with theirs. But I think if you're able to express some of your personality, make a joke. You know

BusySomethings: I always like to see where they are. If we're doing a remote interview, where are you in the world? And oh, you know, talk about something with that. And like, connect in some levels.

WellReadHead: Have a conversation, have a conversation. That's, I think that that's the key to any job interview.

WellReadHead: to any networking scenario that you have is to have a conversation versus

WellReadHead: question and answer format. If you're if you're in an interview, and it's just question and answer format. All you're doing is answering their questions.

WellReadHead: You're not doing it right.

WellReadHead: There's got to be some discussion about the points that you're bringing up in answer to their questions, or have questions for them.

WellReadHead: If, again, if you're not, if you're not bringing questions to an interview yourself, at least 5 about this company

WellReadHead: or about this job, you don't.

BusySomethings: Maybe they to not.

WellReadHead: That is a lot of interest.

Tallgirl6234: I also say, even like in networking groups, like you're all there because you're the Builders Association of Des Moines, like, you all know, building stuff.

Tallgirl6234: Bring any other conversation to the table, and you will make friends with a room of strangers if you're going to talk about the load bearing structure of whatever like, I could stay at work and have that conversation. Why did I come here for bacon wrapped scallops, and this conversation kind of thing.

Tallgirl6234: even at weddings, like when I don't know people when I'm the only one it's like. Tell me about you. People will not shut up if you ask them about themselves.

BusySomethings: Oh, it's.

Tallgirl6234: The easiest way to be like, Okay, I have nobody to talk to. I will talk to you by asking you about you, and, oh, my God! Then then I wish you were there with me to be like, Hey! And busy.

BusySomethings: And my friend Red and I were at the last wedding Red and I were at for our mutual friend and

BusySomethings: one of the the attendees from the others, you know.

BusySomethings: from one of the groom side.

BusySomethings: found out we're both looking and like was talking to us, and we like went off for 20 min into another room, and he started interviewing us about what we like in the middle of the wedding, like, okay. But people are leaving, and it was great, and it was networking and all. But it was just like I'd like to get back to dancing and drinking a good amount of alcohol, because I'm not driving

BusySomethings: so I'd like to get back to party. Please.

Tallgirl6234: I mean, that is also a wise decision, and you've learned from it.

Tallgirl6234: Set a healthy boundary, and sometimes don't interview fully incapacitated.

BusySomethings: To be fair. I think he was well past

BusySomethings: inebriated, so that was part of trying to cut off the

BusySomethings: like. Hey? Let's go back to the party.

BusySomethings: Alright. And let's think about what about any ultimate bad decisions.

Tallgirl6234: Okay. So I get like the Oh, if you could go back to when you were 12 and like, what would you change kind of stuff I'm like. But ultimately it landed me here.

Tallgirl6234: like, Okay, I love. There's those Tiktoks like you wake up, and it's like 1987. And like, you know, what are you going to do? And I'm like, Well, wait for my diaper change. But beyond that you know, like it's I don't want to go back, because all the stupid mistakes, all the embarrassing things, all the stories I've told you guys leads to this.

Tallgirl6234: and I like this as chaotic and terrible as it can be sometimes, like I like it.

Tallgirl6234: Well, if I could go back I'd become a neurosurgeon. I'm like, Have you seen neurosurgeons? They don't always look so happy like.

Tallgirl6234: I don't know if I would have met you like had I gone to school elsewhere. I don't know that I would have met you. I don't know that we would have ended up as friends, so it's like.

BusySomethings: Oh, look! I could leave this moment back to the preschool

BusySomethings: and grade school my parents put me in.

BusySomethings: I could find how a decision affected, a decision affected, and so on, and so forth, that led me to know and use to.

BusySomethings: and so like. I agree that I think there are things, though, that

BusySomethings: you can look back and say All right

BusySomethings: again, like we said previously, we are all doing with the best we can with what we had at the time.

BusySomethings: and all that. But I think for me.

BusySomethings: In.

BusySomethings: I would say, probably romantic relationships. I would say for me one of the things that I've learned.

BusySomethings: I have always again 1st porn, ill disorder, feel like I need to have everything of my life together.

BusySomethings: so I feel like. I've always had to have

BusySomethings: all my, you know, my trauma, my my hangups, all that stuff fixed and organized

BusySomethings: before. It is fair to go towards anyone else, because they're you know. But I know. Okay. I know that now.

Tallgirl6234: Moment in your life when you think everything is going to perfectly be organized, aligned, contained, dealt with, and theraporized.

BusySomethings: I didn't think perfect. I never have expected perfect from me or from anyone else, but I felt that there were certain things I needed to address, I would say, I don't want to say Fix, but address in my life before I would be. It would be fair to be a partner for someone else.

BusySomethings: and in later years have figured out that. Yes, there are things you have to be aware of and work on, but part of. When you find a good romantic partner, is that you help each other.

BusySomethings: and you support each other, and maybe what I am needing help in they might be better in and vice versa, so that we could help and support each other and grow.

BusySomethings: So that's something, I think, for me

BusySomethings: that I think that also, you know, that comes from

BusySomethings: having to take care of so much that I feel that you know I had to be.

BusySomethings: Bring my a as close to my a plus game as possible without realizing. Hey, that's unrealistic.

WellReadHead: Not realizing that most people bring their C minus game to dating.

BusySomethings: Fine, and that's like.

Tallgirl6234: Those catches.

WellReadHead: Yeah.

Tallgirl6234: Here, girl share. There's a whole lot of F minuses. Never even got to school grade level like.

WellReadHead: It's absolutely true.

BusySomethings: And that's fine, because you know what I have seen people who may be on what we're saying, that, like F like their F level, but when you find the right person you can help each other, bring your your grade up together for just going with that analogy. So I don't think that it's impossible, but I think for me. I felt that I had to have everything

BusySomethings: fixed, and or at least addressed and dissected.

BusySomethings: so that when someone was with me, they would know what they were getting into.

BusySomethings: but we also know that there is no way to prepare anyone

BusySomethings: who would be with me what fresh hell might be coming their way.

BusySomethings: The chaos just comes.

Tallgirl6234: Dude, have you?

Tallgirl6234: Let's just look at some of the people we know and recognize that you are not the hot mess express you think you are.

BusySomethings: How dare you not give me that title? I think that is very rude and.

Tallgirl6234: Not even on the platform. You're considering buying tickets to the hot mess express. But you're still home on the couch with the snuggie like you're not.

Tallgirl6234: You're just not.

BusySomethings: Hi.

Tallgirl6234: I'm the one who got to tell you you're a control freak. I also get to tell you how little of a hot mess express you are.

BusySomethings: Oh, we will have to agree to disagree on that one.

Tallgirl6234: See, this is how we learn.

WellReadHead: When when she told me that I was less of a hot mess than I thought I was, it took me a while to learn that lesson, but I did learn it, and it's made me better for it. So.

BusySomethings: Growth is happening. I feel it.

BusySomethings: Okay.

BusySomethings: Oh, this is uncomfortable.

BusySomethings: This is weird and vulnerable. Time to go.

WellReadHead: You're just talking about growth. Baby.

Tallgirl6234: Your mental health improving.

BusySomethings: Oh, God, it feels like there's a million things crawling on me right now.

Tallgirl6234: Oh, God!

WellReadHead: I think I think ultimately

WellReadHead: tall. You're right. It it comes down to the decisions that you've made, make you the person that you are, and if you're

WellReadHead: 60% happy with yourself, and where you are, you know you've probably hit the jackpot.

WellReadHead: We all have things that

WellReadHead: we'd like to be better at. We all have things that we would like to not have done. We all have our regrets, we all have our

WellReadHead: oh, geez! I can't believe I ever did that

WellReadHead: moment. But when it comes down to it

WellReadHead: hopefully, you've learned lessons that you needed to learn from those situations. You don't repeat those mistakes, and you

WellReadHead: live your life to the best of your ability.

BusySomethings: And if you're not happy with where you are.

WellReadHead: You know where you are. Okay.

BusySomethings: Hopefully You are in a position for either yourself or to ask people around you.

BusySomethings: How do I get past this.

Tallgirl6234: I tend to not make as many relationship mistakes as I kind of take it for what it is, but I also don't strive for commitment. I am at best going in at 50%. So it's I'm still friends with my exes.

Tallgirl6234: because I think at the time we got what we needed out of each other. But like

Tallgirl6234: I wasn't trying to get married, neither were there, neither were they. So I think, because we walked in honestly.

Tallgirl6234: and when it kind of fizzled out we walked out honestly.

Tallgirl6234: So it wasn't as bad. Instead of being there and like, Okay, but by 27 you better put a ring on it like we didn't put that pressure on ourselves. So like, I think it's just, I don't have that. But I think I have this like. There's so much to learn, and there's so much to do, and there's so many things you can do, and there's so many things you can commit to.

Tallgirl6234: I I want to go to everything, and I want to do everything, and I want to experience everything and like life is so darn exciting. Look at how many things I send you guys like we should do this and this and this and this and this, and if I ever hit lotto. We will do all of them.

Tallgirl6234: but it's also like I can't help everybody. I can't help every charity I can't like. I learned not to be a workaholic because I was like not. Not only am I going to work, I am going to be the bestest worker who ever worked, and it's like, and then you don't talk to your friends for 6 weeks.

Tallgirl6234: and then you have an ulcer at 25, and then your ulcer gets ulcers by 27, and it's bad.

WellReadHead: Definitely think that there's something to be said for the neurodivergent.

WellReadHead: Shall we say way of of looking at? I'm gonna give it my all, I'm gonna give it my 100.

WellReadHead: That doesn't mean the same thing to non neuro, spicy people.

WellReadHead: giving it your all or giving it your 100 means that you have to give in that moment versus actually, all of you.

WellReadHead: And I think that there's there's definitely a lesson to be learned in that.

WellReadHead: Yeah, you can be the bestest worker that you'll

WellReadHead: that the company will ever see. However, you will give up your life to do it.

Tallgirl6234: And even then, I mean, it's just one of

Tallgirl6234: basically, it's just like you get to a place in life when you realize, like, you have to go through it, and all the little bumps, and all the little whatever like

Tallgirl6234: I ideally like. Yes, I have this path where everything just comes to me, and by this milestone and this milestone and this milestone, it's like, yes, but if I didn't cry under my desk those 2 times like I don't think I would be like stronger at the office to tell people to just like Piss off

Tallgirl6234: if I didn't have all this like exhaustion, whatever like I probably wouldn't have figured out how to set a boundary.

Tallgirl6234: Now it's like, here's my boundaries. Here's my expectations. Here's my salary requirements like here's what I expect of my friends kind of stuff, and that only comes after years and years of constantly screwing up like, okay, I've screwed up up now. Now, people think I have it together. But I'm like, but let me explain to you exactly how many mistakes it took me to get here, and I still don't have it together.

BusySomethings: I don't think we ever will. And that's fine.

BusySomethings: Yeah, that's happening at all right.

BusySomethings: I think that I mean as long as you have

BusySomethings: if you can have good people around you.

BusySomethings: so that even when you don't have it all, if you do get it all wonderful, I'm

BusySomethings: congratulations. I think that if people can achieve everything they want in life.

BusySomethings: and and actually be authentically happy. Wonderful!

BusySomethings: I think we all would love to strive for that. But if it doesn't happen and life goes sideways a lot of times, I think it all comes down to.

BusySomethings: you know, just who's with you to navigate the storm, and how you get out of it as best you can.

Tallgirl6234: And to not get overloaded while trying to figure it all out.

BusySomethings: Correct.

WellReadHead: Absolutely keeping yourself balanced and being happy with the really good things that you got.

Tallgirl6234: Like us. You're right. Oh, I'm so proud of you.

WellReadHead: No, I could have. I could have gone to a different college.

WellReadHead: I could have never met you guys, and that would made my would have made my life poorer.

Tallgirl6234: So much for basically empty an empty vessel.

BusySomethings: All right, and that's a wrap on today's episode of sense, sensibility and chaos join us next week for decision, fatigue, and choice overload.

WellReadHead: If you enjoyed this, don't forget to subscribe, leave a review, or at least tell a friend who loves good conversation and even better debates.

Tallgirl6234: You can find us at sensesensibilitychaos.com to talk as long as it lasts. Youtube, blue sky and your favorite podcast, platforms, where we'll be continuing the conversation, sharing extra thoughts, and probably spiraling into a little chaos.

BusySomethings: Because, honestly, what's life without a little bit of that.

WellReadHead: See you next time.

Tallgirl6234: Until then stay sensible.