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Transcript for Rewriting Your Story: Healing Childhood Wounds for Better Relationships.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: I think we're all familiar now with the concept of childhood wounding

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: to explain just a little bit more. These are the old thoughts and beliefs that come from our adaptations

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: to the care that we received when we were young.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: and from those adaptations we create, our expectations of how we will be treated in the world.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: and also how we will treat ourselves so

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: where we want to be living our lives from is the central core point, which is our wise self

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: and our inspired self, our

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: universal, informed self, God-informed, self spiritually informed self. Whatever your connection to a greater sense, is

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: the divine. Whatever you want to call it.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: but your wise self, your deep inner knowing

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: the still small voice inside you that really tells you the truth, that you may or may not be able always to listen to. But you know, is there?

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: So that's where we want to be living our lives from our most grown up selves. It's also the self of our intention.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: When we make an intention for true love or success. It's the person we are being

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: in that success in that loving relationship

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: that we want to be living from.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: It's our true identity beyond the wounds of childhood. It's who we would be developed beyond those.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: So let's go back a moment.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: I will use me as an example.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: My little self

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: can make a lot of decisions for me if I don't take care of her. So my little self was a hospitalized baby.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: The thoughts and feelings that came from that were I'm not wanted, I'm not good enough. I'm all alone.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: These made a blueprint for me of feeling that I wasn't really wanted in my family. Others didn't care about me.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Life happened somewhere else.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: I could only be chosen, not choose. I wasn't good enough to choose, so likelihood I wouldn't be chosen, and I was really all alone, and nobody was going to come and help me, or relieve me or support me because they were elsewhere.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: I also had the feeling of

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: I just got picked up and put down. That's what happens when nurses are caring for you like 60 odd years ago they would pick you up, do what you needed, and then put you down again. So I had that sense that I would need to really hold on to whoever came to me

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: and be chosen by them, but not really have any sense of whether they were good, bad, or indifferent. I just had to go with whoever chose me. Whoever picked me up.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: so that created a blueprint for adult life

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: from those adaptations of choosing people who were emotionally distant, or even physically distant.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: choosing people who didn't really want me, or to know my feelings and needs.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: and if they, if they did care about that, I made sure that they didn't, because I wasn't, seeing that. So I didn't pay any regard to that, or even pushed it away.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: I didn't have the sense that there was somebody really with me

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: I lived from. I'm alone. I'm not good enough, and I'm not wanted.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: And I shaped my world around that

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: I did a lot of psychotherapy, so became a lot more aware of that.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: And then I did some coaching which really helped.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: This is calling in the one

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: coaching to find true love. Love it.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: and I'm now a coach in that work because it worked for me, and I want it to work for others.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: But what you want to do from that middle point in you is care for the little you at all of those ages.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: So rather than choose my relationships in inverted commas from one of those positions.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: I would hold that little me said, I'm choosing you. I want you. You're not alone. I'm with you.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: You are way more than good enough. Just look at you, you're beautiful, you're wise, you're clever.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: you are wanted, and in doing that really live from that place

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: and make my choices from that.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: and that is that glowing place of the full sense of my identity in my intention.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: So that is a repeated piece of work that can go back to all sorts of ages. That was my hospital age. There were things that happened at school. There were bullies, there were unpleasant teachers. There was being isolated in a different school

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: from everybody else that I went to school with in my primary school. They all went somewhere else, and I was a solitary person in one school senior school.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: So there's that part of me to look at. You see the pattern repeating, though, can't you?

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: The other side of things which is really important is from this glowing, wise self, this sensible self, this true self. We also have to look at all the internalized authority figures, so they may be

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: doctors, nurses from me from being little. You know it's badly behaved to express your feelings and needs. It can be your parents who may not have been emotionally or aware, and how to look after a small child. Mine certainly weren't through no fault of their own well-intentioned but out of their depth, traumatised from the war.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: so it can be. I don't know.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Bank officials,

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: teachers, anybody that's had authority. It could be religious leaders in your local church that you belong to or

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: I don't know.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Lawyers, courts, anything that you have to have anything to do with that has power over you

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: one way or another, and this higher, wiser self needs to talk them down.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Whatever they have said to you, or you have felt implicitly.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: You need to talk them down. Actually, Mrs. Atkinson, bully of a schoolteacher.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: You didn't understand what I felt and what I needed, and your opinion doesn't really matter. I learned in spite of you, not because of you. And I learned a lot through your neglect.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: I will not listen to you now telling me I'm not good enough.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: I'm way good enough.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: I can do mental arithmetic.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: I can spell whatever it is, and you

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: want to talk to them, each of them, whenever they crop up. Notice, what does this situation feel like, how old am I? Who's the authority? Figure here? What is really true? And what do I believe? And what do I want to do from my most grown up self.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: And then you're living your love life

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: from that position of an equal, a chooser.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: You're not desperate. You're not a little self choosing one of these authority figures trying to get a parent to love you, to see you

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: for who you really are. You see yourself for who you really are, and you look for another person who makes you feel safe.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: secure, respected, loved, cherished, supported, warm, soft, relaxed in your body, kindness, a feeling of kindness and strength.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Those are the things that we look for.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Oh, and trustworthy. Those are the things that we look for in a partner.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Never mind the excitement. Never mind the chemistry. Those are the core things for a successful relationship. If you've got chemistry, you're talking over here between these 2,

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: you're living from an old blueprint. If it's intense chemistry 1st off.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: chemistry with trust and respect will grow.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: and it will grow much deeper.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: It's a more emotional spiritual connection rather than an excitable, lustful one.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: So that's what you want to be living with in yourself and

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: in terms of success in life.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: That's where you want to be living with and from to.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: You. Want to be living with yourself that is full of self-respect and love and care, and makes choices accordingly.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: If you don't believe you're an equal you go with as if I'm an equal.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: and you don't let these talk

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: without that core self saying, No, you back off

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: what you said then was wrong. You have no jurisdiction over me now, and you, my darling, are on my lap, not theirs.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: and that will really stretch you out of being stuck, being in pain

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: and living from those old patterns that will just replicate until you do that piece of work.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Lots of love from my heart to yours.

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