To quote Sartre ‘‘Shame is shame of self; it is the recognition of the fact that I am indeed that

object which the other is looking at and judging.”

Sartre points out that we look at others as “objects-in-itself.” When someone looks at the

person ringing up their groceries, they will see that person as nothing but a cashier. Someone who

litters in front of you is a litterer, and so on. Whatever you do, you almost always consider your

own actions through the possible eyes of others. This makes us feel vulnerable and limited in what

we are ‘allowed’ to do. The gaze of outsiders prescribes us as an essence and traps us in a

certain shape, that we then might feel we cannot escape. We allow others to define us - being stuck

in the definition or labels others give you. This is what Sartre calls “hell”.

Imagine someone studying you as

you’re walking down the street. Even walking and maintaining a normal posture can be hard in such

a scenario. You suddenly become hyper-aware of how you might come across. Our desire to

be accepted by our peers is so strong that we sometimes forget what we want or what we think,

that we are free to do as we please.

We commonly don’t feel like we are able to dress the way we like and consider ourselves stylish

if the people around us do not agree. If your parents always introduce you as ‘Doctor’, you

might feel unable to change your career or work less to focus on other areas of life. In truth,

we can do all of those things and still define ourselves. We just have to learn not to let others

define us.

In order to regain our freedom, it is time to realize that nobody can prevent you from

acting as you wish or desire. The secret is to have a relationship with others without

seeing their judgment as an objective fact. Our relationships with others should not

dictate our personality. Always remember to see yourself as an object-for-itself,

which means that you are not a defined being but rather a being full of potential.

Make sure to always recognise and respect the freedom and potential you have to the fullest.

If you don’t like your job, leave. If you want to travel, you should. You are free to do anything

you want. Only your actions define you - the opinions of others can and will change along

with you, if you allow yourself to change. So stay true to yourself, despite how others view you.