love on the spectrum_mixdown ===

Regan: [00:00:00] Hello everyone, and welcome back to the Mr. Pygmy and The Man Hater Podcast.

Chesko: Wait, before we start someone No, no. Someone wrote on YouTube. No, no. This is important. Someone wrote on YouTube. Does anybody else get annoyed that Checo messes up every intro and somebody was like, no, that's just you. Well, 'cause they were like, I think Reagan's actually annoyed by it at this point, and like, yes, that's a fair yes.

But

Regan: also in the ways that, uh, that I would be with a sibling, I think it's most accurate.

Chesko: I think you'd be more annoyed if I didn't do this. If we prepared, I'd be more annoyed if I came in as a professional. I'll never know. Yeah. I mean, it's, I think it's, it's a great cover because it wasn't on purpose for the first.

Regan: Eight times.

Chesko: Yeah. And then it became something I had to think about because I was like, all right,

Regan: I love that you couldn't even get through the intro without your brain just exploding in a different direction. Yeah. Wait, wait. One thing [00:01:00] real quick. Welcome friends. Uh, I am the man hater as they call me on the internet, even though I don't hate men.

And this is

Chesko: Jessica, a, k, a, Mr. Pick Me, even though I've already been picked

Regan: by your wife and also by a vote. Because you've been given the title of what at the cheer awards.

Chesko: Daddy? No. No.

Regan: Oh my God. Sick. No. Oh my God. That gave me a visceral reaction.

Chesko: I just had a heart

Speaker 4: pain.

Chesko: No, you know, it's funny that that sounds way worse than actually, but I was thinking about who I thanked in my speech of my wife and kids, and they gave me the title of.

Daddy.

Speaker 5: No, they didn't give you the daddy award.

Chesko: I got the educator of the year award,

Regan: which is now creepy because you just said they called you daddy. So

Chesko: the daddy award,

Regan: I, I literally like my chest hurt when you said that. I was like, Ew,

Chesko: sick. [00:02:00] That's, that is, and to be very clear, I, that is not a form of role play that I've ever ascribed to 'cause I do not like that at all.

Speaker 4: Oh, we can't,

Chesko: some no hate. Some people love that stuff. That feels weird to me.

Regan: You know what? We don't need to keep talking about it. Let's let that one go. Let's just, I prefer

Chesko: to be, have it be a formal handshake and a very businesslike approach to any sort of intimacy. What

Speaker 6: a formal handshake and a business

Chesko: trying to be.

Funny.

Speaker 5: And it's going off so awkward. Where are we headed? This is the most off the rails start.

Regan: Oh my god. A poor, it's my brain handshake and a businesslike

Speaker 4: a prop.

Chesko: I thought it would be funny and it came up. Oh ma'am. Less funny. Pleasure to sue you here. The pleasures. So Mike pleasures all mine

Speaker 5: shortly.

Chesko: Can I offer you anything?

Speaker 5: I don't wanna do this. Okay. I don't wanna do [00:03:00] this.

Chesko: Reagan, what are we gonna talk about on today's episode?

Speaker 5: Therapy.

Chesko: Perfect transition.

Speaker 5: No, it's not.

Chesko: Well, we talk about it's, it's about love.

Regan: We are talking about pro, like people who are trying to figure out the proper ways. Socie like the right,

Speaker 6: what

Regan: did I say?

Speaker 5: What just happened? Su uh, the daddy thing really throwing me off track here. I, I don't know if I can recover

Chesko: new merch, Danny.

Speaker 5: No,

Regan: no. Anyw, who we are talking about love on the spectrum, the couples, and also our thoughts on the show and the reaction of other people are having to it. That's what we're talking about today.

Speaker 7: Theme song. You want bad advice, man? I'll give it out. Glad I got some good advice for you. No you don't. I know you don't. [00:04:00] I got some good advice for you. No, you don't.

Chesko: I know you

Speaker 7: don't.

Chesko: Shit. Wait, can I say something real quick before we start talking about the show? Somebody? Uh, this is,

Regan: is this the burn?

Chesko: Yeah, that's what I wanna say. So somebody, uh, in our, so we, we talked about alpha males, uh, and making fun of them. Yes. You know, the, the things that made film. Yes, we did. Um, but I, I made, I've made multiple videos about it and it's just reminded me, somebody in my comment section said, uh, you don't, you just don't like alpha Mayos because I've seen your body shape and you look more like a likes to eat pie mayo.

Spelled PI.

Speaker 4: Okay, hold on, hold on.

Regan: So we have to talk about that. This is a common, uh, by, I guess, so Caleb, her, you know who Caleb her is his

Chesko: [00:05:00] name Sounds familiar. A

Regan: very funny comedian, gay. Okay. Uh, good friends with Brittany Broski and, um, drew a Wallow.

Speaker 3: Mm-hmm.

Regan: He has the so true podcast. I've never heard someone so quick-witted in my life.

Speaker 3: Mm-hmm.

Regan: So Caleb had this story about how so many commented under his, his, um, he was like, he, this is gonna be a butchering of a retelling, but he was like, this guy comments under my video. And he is like,

Speaker 5: I don't know about you guys, but this guy looks like he broke into a bakery and ate all the pies.

Caleb's like, oh, if your dad today,

Speaker 7: today.

Speaker 4: But it was just like, what a weird he is like, is this a 18th century limerick?

Chesko: It's like, it's such a weird, but it, I love what burns like that though, because it, like, if it can make me laugh, I'm like,

Regan: you know what? You can have it. That was

Chesko: great. I'm a, I'm a likes to eat [00:06:00] pie mail or 18 much pie mail.

It was something like, I don't remember the exact wording. I wrote it down somewhere.

Regan: It, that literally is like from the 18th century. Like, oh, he looks like he eats too many pies. He eats too many

Chesko: pie mail got him

Regan: burned.

Chesko: Good for him for knowing his like, uh, his is Greek letters.

Regan: Oh my God. Mm-hmm. Should,

Chesko: should that be another merch? Likes to eat pie meal. Likes to

Regan: eat pie meal. Yeah. I, I got yelled at for being too loud. I do this whole video and then this guy goes, why are you yelling? I'm like, 'cause it's my. Fucking Paige. I'll yell you. Moderate, like I could

Chesko: tone. Could you moderate your tone a little bit?

Regan: I'd like to hear what you're saying, but you're a bit loud. Calm, calm down. Your tone is offput as is your face.

Chesko: That's my brand.

Regan: That's, that's my brand. A

Chesko: woman who yells a lot or, or just there, there's a lot of stuff and this will transition, I think, into our thing. So I, I have a lot of [00:07:00] stems that I didn't realize autistic stems, but I didn't realize existed until I started filming myself for hours a day, every day.

Yep. Um, and one that I get so many comment, like I, I pull my beard hair. That's a, it's a very common hair, uh, uh, stem and, uh, I get comments on it all the time. One person was like, Hey, um, I think people would really appreciate it if you could just not touch your, your beard in your videos.

Regan: You specifically, because I doubt other people are sitting there like that.

Yeah.

Chesko: I'm sorry it bugs you, but I was like, it was like, that's not gonna happen because I don't even know I'm doing it. It's not until that's. It, it's like, Hey, could you breathe less during it?

Regan: Yeah. Like if I hold my phone up, depending on how anxious I am, like I get have a slight like tremor in my hand if I get like, worked up.

Um, and so like sometimes people are like, can you hold your phone still? I'm like, no, I can't.

Chesko: No. I literally can't.

Regan: I literally can't. I'll put it on a [00:08:00] stand, I guess. But like, when I'm worked up the camera, it's, it's, there's no cinematography here. It's just shaky Cam. This is the Blair Witch.

Chesko: There was, uh, opposite wise, it was a weird compliment I got, uh, online where there was a whole discussion online.

They were like, have you ever seen, how do you hold your, your, uh, your phone? So still, 'cause I would, I would film while walking. And they're like, oh yes. They're like, do you have like a, uh, like a a a stick, A stick? I was like, no, it's just, I'm holding it. They're like, that's amazing.

Speaker 5: Like, I'm, oh.

Chesko: And I was like, well, all right.

Thank you. I can't do my

Speaker 5: ear because I have headphones on, but

Chesko: damn. But I appreciate you noticing my, my thumb hand. No, daddy.

Regan: Yeah. I knew you were gonna go there. I'm not doing it. I refuse. I know. It's a good joke. I'm not doing it.

Chesko: Uh, all right. There's

Regan: gotta be a standard somewhere here.

Chesko: Okay.

Regan: Let's talk about these couples.

Chesko: Sure. So we thought, we thought it would be a good way to just kind of go through couple by couple and, uh, we both adore this show. Yes. I guess we [00:09:00] should say that we are both, you know, especially just like, uh, I, I, I see so much of. Of myself and my kids, uh, in, in, in the, the, the, these people. And I think it's, from my perspective, I think it's actually really cool to, to show that they are adults and humans.

'cause I think there's so much, some of the same critiques of the show is what society does to

Speaker 5: Yeah.

Chesko: Autism people in general. Like were, were like, because of the fact that, you know, I I, we talked on the pre-show about how my obsession over comic books and how many comic books I love and could talk about and go over, you know, as a, as a kid's thing.

Yeah. That I love. And just, it's just because, uh, that is a interest that is associated with the younger people doesn't necessarily mean that I'm not also an adult. Right. With adult feelings. And Yeah.

Regan: And that's something that's common from what I have been told and what I have witnessed mm-hmm. With people, um, who have.

Some type of fixation on something that is [00:10:00] seen as, as, uh, a, a child, whether it's a game, a hobby or, or mm-hmm. Dolls or, or whatever. Mm-hmm. And when they get older, I. Even though their love of that item or game or whatever has not changed, they're expected to ditch it 'cause they're too old for it. Mm-hmm.

And it's like, you can understand why someone would be like, uh, why, why was it okay a year ago? Like, why all of a sudden is this a problem? Um, so I love seeing a lot of these, uh, people on the show. Being so open and like mm-hmm. Unapologetic for the things that they love.

Chesko: I also think a lot of people mistake, they think that autism is an intellectual disability and it is not.

It's co-occurring often with an intellectual, with intellectual disabilities, and that's what you see certain things. Sure. But I think people, I, I've gotten, it's one of the reasons I was afraid of even talking about it online at one point. Like, 'cause there's such a stigma that like Oh. Of, of, of aspects of it.

And there's nothing wrong with obviously having an intellectual disability. [00:11:00] Sure. Um, but there the assumption and the, oh, that, that what you're saying or you don't know what you're talking about, or that you're not capable of understanding the things you're discussing because you have this disability.

And that's, uh, I think you need more representation like this to have conversations and to talk about it so that people understand that they're just humans.

Regan: So this show originated, it was an Australian show. And then they, the same people who made it came to America. Ian, I think is his name, or Kian. Uh, and they, they made it here.

They've done a couple seasons. I wanna get through the criticism and then like we can just get to what we like about it.

Speaker 3: Right.

Regan: Uh, obviously I have a huge problem with the way that it's edited. Mm-hmm. I think it's very infantilizing. I think definitely. I, I figured out what it was after you and I spoke about it.

Mm-hmm. I don't remember when we, I dunno how we talked about it, but I, I remember I was like, there's something that really bothers me. Mm-hmm. And then I watched the rest of the season and. It [00:12:00] is definitely the music, which mm-hmm. The underscored like childlike music and it's the way it's cut, especially the intercuts of like the little inserts where they're like, Megan likes the wind.

Speaker 7: Right, right.

Regan: But the main thing is that stupid narration, the way that the narration is done is literally like that. It's like, and now Davy's going to go on the walk and he's so excited to meet a pretty girl and it's read like a child, like it's child. Mm-hmm. It's child's show narration. The tone of it, like the way she speaks, how slow she speaks, her word choice, like all of that is, is incredibly infantilizing that.

Mm-hmm. And I was like, okay. The narration is definitely

Chesko: right. I also, I. Part of the issue I have, and this is them, them doing it. The, the way that they play up the awkward silences Yes. Is it's very clear, like, first off, every conversation between everybody ever has awkward silences. Yes. Right. You're going to [00:13:00] have those.

But they do it for every single person. They, they always leave it either at a cliffhanger or they, they play it off the beginning of it. Which like I said, neurotypical, holistic people, anybody, when you meet the first time, not everybody immediately is just like, we're best friends in the world. Right. Yeah.

Um, sometimes you are, sometimes you do get it off of people. Right. Um, but especially when it comes to dating in general, it's not always so easy to be anything. And so they, they over the top play out some of these, the awkwardness. Mm-hmm. For, I don't know if it's for humor or to just kind of. I don't to stress people out with, with, with that.

Like say something to people are yelling at their tv to, for them to say or do something or,

Regan: I think it's definitely to oversell the awkwardness. Like, oh my gosh, it's so, they're so uncomfortable. It's so hard for them socially. Like, but it's almost, I would agree, like it's, it's a little like poking fun, a little like, [00:14:00] it, it hits the point where it's like, I, I feel like you are making them look awkward, whereas maybe they are being awkward, but also like you've taken two people who don't know each other, they've not picked the date or where it is.

Mm-hmm. So, yeah, they're meeting complete strangers and it's awkward.

Chesko: It, it gave me anxiety watching it 'cause internally mm-hmm. That's my biggest fear in the world. Like when I'm meeting somebody in it and there's silence. 'cause small talk is hard. That's, that's, it's hard, a common trait of autism, especially though where, where it's, it's the turn taking and everything that goes into that.

Um, where I, I go into a performance mode where I just have to fill the space. Uh, you know, you see this with, uh, with Tanner, uh, where he's a, you know, he's, I, I need to think of what to say. You see this with James, uh, on the show, like where they, we have to think of, you know, things to say. Uh, and there, you know, it's a matter of like figuring out how to do it in a proper way.

But, so when they're showing it. The first time I saw that, I saw it. I was like, oh my [00:15:00] God. Every fear about how I was worried, my conversations were going, that was true. That's actually how it is when I talk to people.

Regan: Everybody has moments on a date where somebody's not talking, you're eating, you're taking a breath.

Mm-hmm. It's just when you underscore, it's like, like, yeah, that looks more awkward. Mm-hmm. And like maybe they're showing more on their face that like, Ooh, this is awkward. Rather than like, this is something that happens in every conversation.

Speaker 8: Mm-hmm.

Regan: I also found out that they don't pay them other than the, they pay for the dates.

Speaker 6: Really?

Regan: And I was like, I was like, yeah, that's, that's, that is not, I, I was not police. I think. Let me double check that, but I'm 90% sure because I remember reading that and being like, oh,

Chesko: I think it was also important before we get into the why we like it. Overwhelmingly, from what I've seen, uh, from the people that have been on the show mm-hmm.

Is that they. Have approved and felt, they felt they were treated well. They've liked how the, seeing them, how they were represented and they've kind of [00:16:00] like, felt like it was a good representation of them. Like they have not been complaining. Sure. Um, at least from what I've seen. And I think the, my issue with people that were like writing off those on the, on the, on the show for saying that, uh, it was okay.

They were like, well, they don't know what they're talking about. So they were like infantilizing the people on the show. Yeah. Because they didn't agree with them that they were being infantalized. And so I think it's important that you have to, if you want to respect adult individuals as having agency, then you have to also respect that they personally think that the show represented them well and that they had a good experience and that they were treated well.

Um, and I think that has to have some weight on the conversation.

Regan: I agree. And I was correct. They were not paid, which I'm like, that's kind of bullshit 'cause you're making a lot of money off them. But they do. I think you mentioned this, they have, uh, a lot of 'em have gained a following.

Speaker 3: Mm-hmm.

Regan: Uh, for Tanner, for example, got to meet Jack Black because of [00:17:00] this.

Right. Very wholesome moment.

Speaker 3: Mm-hmm.

Regan: Uh, but let's, let's talk about the couples and our thoughts.

Chesko: Alright, sure. Let's go, let's go with, uh, I made a list of them. Thank you. Uh, let's go with kind of the, the, the, the og Perfect couple on there was Abby and David.

Regan: Abby and David. Well, first of all, Abby started getting accusations of not being autistic.

Did you know that?

Speaker 7: No.

Regan: Mm-hmm. Yeah, I would watch her videos. So, so she and her mom started uhhuh making, um, I would say it's like educational content, but just like mm-hmm. Talking about her and her life and the way that she processes her environment and how she copes different, whatever, all these kinds of very helpful and very eye-opening things.

Mm-hmm. And there was some stuff where people were saying she could not, quote unquote, could not be autistic because of how well she functions socially and like conversationally. And I was like, I hate you. I hate all of you.

Chesko: Because it's such a gross misunderstanding [00:18:00] of what the modern understanding of, of being autistic is.

Yeah. Right. It, it's such, it's based on these really outdated modalities and outdated understandings and stereotypical understandings of what it means to be autistic. Um, that goes into the all and that feeds these stigmas. Yeah. Right. Which, which not to get too political 'cause we're never political here.

Never like idiots like RFK. Yeah. Saying we're gonna find the cause of, and they're calling it like a disease, uh, which is so problem, utterly problematic. Um, because like why has the rates gone up? Could it be one that we actually understand it better? Two, that we're actually, uh, getting people diagnosed that don't, because before intellectual disability was a, a requirement for being autistic.

Speaker 6: Yeah.

Chesko: Uh, three people that, uh, both women and people of color were, uh, were, uh, systematically not given diagnoses before because the, [00:19:00] uh, cultural ways that it comes out was not seen as autistic before. Uh, three, four, I don't even know what, know what number I'm on. Uh, things like Asperger's, uh, was considered a separate diagnosis before.

Um, there's, so there's. There's, there's screening tests that are going on early and earlier. As the stigma starts to go down, more parents are willing to even let their children be evaluated now for it. Sure. So the numbers aren't necessarily skyrocketing, it's just that more people are actually understanding that they are autistic.

Um, and so the, there's, instead of accepting the actual data behind why there are more diagnoses of this now it's, there has to be some sort of villain involved with, with

Regan: I, um, I got a little quiet there because I started feeling, uh, rage. I feel incredibly angry about the way that some people frame autism and mm-hmm.

Uh, the way that they [00:20:00] talk about it. Uh. Uh, particularly as you said, like a disease like that needs to be cured.

Speaker 3: Mm-hmm.

Regan: Uh, I think it's incredibly offensive and it showcases that the people talking have no idea what the hell they're talking about. And like there, uh, there's just so, like, there's so many amazing, like I know so many, well not, uh, amazing people who have autism.

And it is so heartbreaking to me when people use that language. Mm-hmm. Because it acts as if this, this part of them that, that contributes to who they are. Mm-hmm. That makes them as amazing as they're, that that leads to them seeing the world in ways that creates this beautiful personality of who they are as a human being.

That someone would ever say that this is some type of disease that needs to be taken out, is just so horrifically offensive to me. Like [00:21:00] anybody's bringing that to the table should be ex exiled from the conversation. 'cause they clearly don't understand what they're talking about.

Chesko: And it, it is a disability.

I'm not like trying to downplay that. I think there's a difference between acknowledging. The, the disabling, uh, effects of it, and especially if you a, as you, the more needs you, you have and the more, uh, things that, that it can affect in your life. I'm not denying that. Like there are, there are aspects of my own life where it is crippling.

Sure are things that it can do, but, and so crippling is probably not a correct word to use, uh, there, but it, it, it's debilitating where, where it can. Uh, where gets in the way right of, of certain things, um, that, that are in my life, but acknowledging that it is a disability is different than the, the pathologizing it and as this weird, evil, horrific thing that, that is the worst possible thing in the world that could ever happened as opposed to just, just dealing with [00:22:00] what the actual reality of, of living with it is.

Regan: I mean, I have, I'm bipolar. I have DHD like there's, there's conversations that go on about that as well. Like there's, there's always people who speak on it as if like, that needs to be cured and fixed. And, uh, and it's like, just stop acting. Mm-hmm. Like, stop demonizing who I am and stop acting like you could ever, like, you can't ever take something out of someone.

Mm-hmm. And it not impact them. Like, like for I'm bipolar. If you took that away. Sure. Maybe some parts that I don't like would go away. But then it also is a huge reason why I'm empathetic. It's a huge reason why I'm so creative, you know? Mm-hmm. It's just, it's just frustrating. Anyways, we can move past this.

It pisses me off.

Chesko: Well, back to what you were saying with Abby too, about people questioning it too. That is such a wildly problematic thing that you see happen all the time online, um, by people that once again, don't understand it. Right. Um, it's like, I would, you would never, ever, or I guess [00:23:00] some people will, 'cause some people are just terrible, but like, if someone says that they have a diagnosis, says they are something online.

Mm-hmm. Um, I, I just can't imagine you'd be like, liar. No you're not. Yeah, you absolute liar. Why? How dare you? Because assuming that you know everything about their life, everything they go through, and even someone like Abby on life, uh, uh, uh, love on the spectrum. You're seeing more of her than, than a somebody that even with a small social media account would Yeah.

That's still such a 0.0, 0, 0, 0 1% of her life and her experiences you're seeing on this screen. Yeah. And to think that is enough for you to either, uh, to, to have any sort of determination of who they are and what they go through and what they're dealing with is absurd.

Regan: But I think her and David, it's David, right?

Mm-hmm.

Chesko: Yes.

Regan: Okay, good. Abby and David are such a good pairing. Mm-hmm. Like their love of animals and like, like I feel like that was one of the selling points for them in the [00:24:00] early days, but it's just they have such a beautiful understanding of each other. Mm-hmm. Like, uh, in the, I think it's the last episode, Abby sings David this beautiful song.

First of all, didn't know she could sing, didn't know girl had pipes. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I was like, oh, I'll just cry now. Right. Uh, that's fine. But. Like through the song, you can just tell how well they know each other. Like, this is what you like to do, this is what I like to do. They just have this really deep appreciation for what makes them both unique and they love that about each other.

And I thought that was so beautiful. And I'm like, God, there's so many people I dated. I don't think they could write me a verse about what they know about me. Like, I don't think they would have any like idea. And so it was just so sweet. And like, I just, I just think they really appreciate each other in ways that God, I, I wish I saw more of, uh, in, in just everyday life, you know?

Chesko: Mm-hmm. One thing I love about them too, they're, they're a good example of, you can [00:25:00] tell they're comfortable being silent around each other. Yes. And those moments where, 'cause the show tries to play up so many awkward moments, but when you see them, it just feels like, oh, this is my person that I can be, I can sit with and just be with.

Which is what it means for any relationship. Right. To where you don't have to be constantly entertaining the other person, uh, and, and doing stuff with them.

Regan: I just think it's so sweet. They're just so comfortable. Like, it's so rare. I think it is something I like about my own relationship is that I enjoy just being around her.

Like I enjoy the silence. I enjoy.

Speaker 3: Right.

Regan: All these little things.

Speaker 3: Mm-hmm.

Regan: That, you know, I. And this can be, I don't know which one of the things that I have going on is the reason for this, but I, I have a lot of anxiety

Speaker 3: mm-hmm.

Regan: With other people. Even if I don't feel bad, I do get, I get overstimulated or, you know, I just get to the point where I don't like, or feel that calm very often.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. But when I'm with my wife, I feel so [00:26:00] calm and relaxed. I don't, my mind's not going a million miles a minute, and I just have a sense of peace around her. And I feel like they're, that type of couple, when they're together, there's just a calm for them. Maybe that prob like, I would think that didn't exist as much when they weren't paired.

Chesko: Mm-hmm. Hundred percent.

Regan: So, love them. Love them

Chesko: also. He is, he's seems very wealthy.

Regan: Oh, he is? He's, he's like, they're loaded. Yeah. I found, I found that out. All the stuff

Chesko: I see, I'm like, wow,

Regan: sir. Yeah. He's, he's has an incredibly wealthy family. I was like, mm-hmm. Because that's when they went on the trip to Af Krow.

I was like, Jesus.

Chesko: Yeah. Right from the get go. I was like, all right, this is, uh, this is something right there.

Regan: Good for you, girl. And she's with him for, for his personality, so don't get crazy.

Chesko: Right, right.

Regan: We know that. We know that.

Chesko: Mm-hmm.

Regan: All right. Who, who's next?

Chesko: Yeah. Let's move on to Danny and a Don.

Regan: Oh my God.

I love Danni. I love Danni. I don't know. It's so many [00:27:00] things. Mm-hmm. Danny is such a, like an incredibly motivated person. Mm-hmm. She's all, she's all about the business. Like she, she knows exactly what she wants from this is from the last season. Like she knows exactly who she is, what she wants. She doesn't settle.

Her style is immaculate. Mm-hmm.

Speaker 8: Like,

Regan: I wanna be her friend. I know it's probably not gonna happen, but I, I just love like. I feel like she's so honest.

Speaker 3: Mm-hmm.

Regan: And like about what she wants and, and she's, and she's so clever and like, I, God, she, I think she's just precious as a human being.

Chesko: I think she gets a lot of negative pushback, um, because of the fact that she is so honest.

Like, she's like, this is what I want. This is what I'm looking for. And when a woman has dares to actually have confidence, oh, dare you. And knowing what she wants, people get mad at her. Like, like, why is she like that? Why is she just being open and honest with what she wants about the world?

Regan: That's what gets me is I think [00:28:00] people who are ti autistic gets so, so much flack.

Speaker 3: Mm-hmm.

Regan: For things that like, I, like I personally don't understand either, which is the, the ways that neurotypical people are very, um. Covert in what they're doing. Mm-hmm. Like they're often not honest about their intentions. They're not honest about what they're feeling. They're speaking in coded language, their subtext, their sarcasm.

Like you're expected to understand, I said this, but I mean that I'm hinting at this because it's not, it's not polite to say. Mm-hmm.

Speaker 3: It's

Regan: so complicated, and so when I see someone being direct, like I want people to be direct. Mm-hmm. That helps me. Mm-hmm. If I know mm-hmm. I'd like to know what you think.

Chesko: Mm-hmm.

Regan: Like that's

Chesko: helpful. It is, I get, I get in trouble. That's one thing I've, I've, I think I talked about this last week on the preshow. Mm-hmm. Um, but I get in trouble on threads a lot because of the fact that I'm, so, I just kind of post my thoughts on there. Yeah. And I don't, I don't, it's, I mean, [00:29:00] what I say, right?

Yes. It's, it's what I am saying is what I mean, and I, it's, it's giving me a really good insight into how often, uh, I, I won't say even just holistic, but in general, neurotypical people like, like people that aren't, uh, that don't have their own things going on. Yeah. Will still say are, have, have so many hidden meanings.

Yes. Be that and how they say things, because I've, I realize I use adverbs. A lot. Mm-hmm. Uh, I, I say genuinely and literally and, and adamantly. And, and so I say them so much because of the fact that I'm so used to being misunderstood. Yes. People assume that when I, I, and, and, and this is, I didn't realize it till more recently what I was doing.

'cause probably throughout my life, throughout my childhood, I'd say something and they'd be like, well, why, why did you say that? Why did I say what or what do you really mean by that? I said it, I mean exactly what I said. Why are you upset at me?

Speaker 5: I'm scared. Whatcha saying to me? I don't understand

Chesko: why you're mad at me.

That is, I [00:30:00] have said those words, at least a thousand has of my, I, I don't, why are you mad at me? I did something nice for you. I said, I told you what I wanted.

Regan: I had to Yeah. With dating, like I really had to learn like what people mean when they say blank because it's not what they said. There's so much, especially in the dating world, there's so much like hidden, like, well, if a guy asks you to come over at night mm-hmm.

He's definitely trying to get, like, have sleep with you and you're like, okay. Mm-hmm. But what time is it Alright? Right. Is the, if it's six o'clock and the sun's going down, am I in trouble? Mm-hmm. Am I at risk? You know, it's just like these little weird things. Uh, and like, let's speak specifically to, to Danny and aan.

Mm-hmm. So AAN is a religious person. Mm-hmm. And uh, some form of Christianity, I think. 'cause he wears a cross. Mm-hmm. And he. Although at first [00:31:00] was thinking maybe he would wanna be intimate before marriage with Danny, he eventually is like, no, I can't have sex before marriage. And Danny is hypersexual. Like not, I'm not, I don't mean that in an insulting way.

I just mean she's, she's always been, she knows what

Chesko: she wants.

Regan: Yeah. She's very into that. Like she's been even in, uh, I remember in the earlier season she was also like, you could tell that she talking about

Speaker 6: it. Yeah.

Regan: She was very interested in it. I don't know how much, at least in the future, I'm not sure what her dating life was prior to that, but like she was very open and honest.

Mm-hmm. And they both were trying to be open and honest. And it came down to a conversation where he told her. I can't have sex before marriage. And like you, she did a whole cartoon of them doing that. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And you could tell how heartbroken she was. Right. She was like, because they both kept saying over and over, which I, I thought this was very refreshing.

Mm-hmm. I know that the subject matter is uncomfortable, but as someone who had that conversation

Speaker 6: mm-hmm. [00:32:00]

Regan: A lot mm-hmm. I constantly was telling like, no, like mm-hmm. No thanks.

Speaker 3: Mm-hmm.

Regan: Uh, it, it is uncomfortable, but they handled it, I thought like my, mm-hmm. I watched it and thought it was handled with a lot of grace, which was Danny's like, I not pressuring you.

I respect your decision. Is that your decision? Mm-hmm. AAN was like, yes. Mm-hmm. I am, I am not changing my decision. She was seeing Will, will that change? He said no. And they chose to break up. Mm-hmm. Because they wanted different things. She was very interested in exploring the sexual relat aspects of a relationship.

Adon was not. Mm-hmm. I don't think he even liked kissing very much. Mm-hmm. I know now they are feuding online. So are they really?

Chesko: I didn't hear about this.

Regan: Yes, they are feuding, uh, a don is saying she's lying about him and she's saying like he kind of blindsided her.

Chesko: Mm-hmm.

Regan: Which I, I don't wanna speak to any of that 'cause I don't know any of that.

I'd rather Yeah, I don't dunno enough about that. But we do know

Chesko: on the show Yeah, yeah.

Regan: [00:33:00] On the show, which is that I thought this was an incredibly respectful conversation. She was so kind to him, she was repeatedly, was like, I respect what you're saying. Mm-hmm. I hear you. I understand. Thank you for telling me.

And I, it, I didn't feel like she was pressuring him. I felt like she was saying, is this your decision? Mm-hmm. Because if so, I then need to make a decision. Mm-hmm. And yet online people are like, ah. She's horrible in that scene. Like, well, '

Chesko: cause, because in in the real world, we expect women to cave in anything they want and they're not allowed to want sex.

They're allowed, they're supposed, she should have been thankful that he wanted her to be, uh, to keep her, her body count low. Right. Isn't that What's a good thing?

Speaker 6: Because it's all,

Chesko: any, anything she was doing is when you look at the typical way that society treats women is that she, she should have, if she really loved him, she should have given that up.

Speaker 6: Yeah. And

Chesko: just suffered for, to be with him. Ew. You know, and not, [00:34:00] and not explored this thing. And there's, there's an aspect of this too that I know I've saw conversations asking about both Adon and other, the other couples in the show too. Um, autism, uh, a big aspect of it is, is rigidity of thought. Sure. Um, process where you hear justice sensitivity a lot, which does not mean you're a good person.

It just means you have strict sense set principles that you like. I, this is the weirdest thing, the thing people misunderstand about this though is Elon Musk, assuming he is autistic, also can have justice sensitivity. It just, his, his, his justice principles are bad. It is him.

Regan: He is the justice.

Chesko: Yeah, that's, that's what I'm saying.

So there, it doesn't mean. People tend to think, oh, that's why I'm such a good person. It's like, no, it just means that you set principles that you don't, it's very hard for you to move on. Yes. And I know, and like I said, growing up undiagnosed, I was extremely religious too. And it took me a long, long time before I was able to even mildly adjust some of those [00:35:00] things.

Um, and it took like li huge life changes. Yeah. For me, um, because of the fact that I was so set and this is how it is supposed to be. Right. And so something like waiting till marriage, I. To have sex is something, and that was something I believed in when I was, I was a, I was a young man because that was what my principles set for me.

And moving on from that was an extremely difficult process. And I think it's difficult for anyone, but especially when you have a, a, a brain that that does get set in certain types of ways of thinking where it is, it's even more difficult to do. Um, like these, if the two of them have set decided that this is, he decided this is not something I want, she decided this is something I want.

It's not as simple as maybe a neurotypical couple or an, i i, I don't wanna use holistic and interchange and neurotypical interchangeable, but an holistic couple. Um, being able to adjust certain [00:36:00] aspects of them because A, a, a, a, someone that is not tic can adjust certain. Aspects of their personality, man or woman, regardless of, or, or non-binary.

Any, anybody on the gender spectrum right. Has an easier time adapting for someone that they love. Um, because it, it is not the same type of brain makeup. And so I think this is a bigger difference than people understand if you don't understand holistic brain makeup.

Regan: Yeah. But also I, you know, I have really intense justice, whatever, right.

What is it? Just as sensitivity? Just as sensitivity,

Chesko: which is

Regan: aligned with what I see as morals. Like my interpretation Absolutely. What's moral.

Speaker 4: Mm-hmm. And

Regan: I'm like, I have a really, really hard, like, if someone does something that I, and I see it, that I think was immoral. Like, I will think about it for the whole day.

Like, oh yeah,

Chesko: absolutely. I'm like, I should have, I

Regan: should have stepped in, or

Chesko: I should

Regan: have said, it's not

Chesko: for the rest of my life. Yeah.

Regan: I could bring, I could tell you [00:37:00] things that happened like 10 years ago. Mm-hmm. Anyways. Mm-hmm. But I, I don't know. Where I, like, I can't understand what people see wrong with the conversation.

Mm-hmm. Like, I actually am, I actually don't get it. Mm-hmm. Because one, I had many conversations like that. Um, I thought I was saving myself to marriage for marriage. Mm-hmm. Despite not being religious.

Speaker 6: Mm-hmm.

Regan: So think about that. Uh, I ended up being gay, but, um, but that's what I thought I was doing. And so I had a huge chunk of my life that I would have this conversation and just be like, I'm never gonna do that.

Not gonna do that. And there was plenty of guys, uh, especially when I was like younger, that were like, oh, okay, well I don't wanna date you. And I'm like, that's fine. Like I never, that never struck me any kind of way. Mm-hmm. I would've been more upset if they said, no, we can, we can deal with this. This is fine.

And then they kept pushing me. Uh, which is what we see a lot. You see somebody who [00:38:00] doesn't want to, like, I guess in this case it'd be a, don would be being pushed to do more than he wants to. Uh, or you know, I guess, uh, Danny would then be not fulfilled in her relationship. Checo is sneezing so much right now.

He's back, but

Speaker 3: mm-hmm.

Regan: Isn't it so much better that they both were honest? 'cause they, they said both of them there was back and forth, but they both were like, I am immovable.

Speaker 3: Mm-hmm. In

Regan: this, in this, uh, with this topic.

Speaker 3: Mm-hmm. And

Regan: then they both said, okay, well then we're not compatible. What is wrong with that?

That makes sense to me. What doesn't make sense is when somebody isn't okay and says they're okay, and then tries to force the other person to change. Mm-hmm. That's gross to me. Mm-hmm. That doesn't make sense to me. Like that's what's icky and wrong with so many relationships, in my opinion.

Chesko: 100%.

Regan: But the fact that people saw that were like, ugh, like.

What's your problem? They're being honest.

Chesko: Yeah. I think it's, it's a lot of people projecting too, like, [00:39:00] they're like, well, I hated this thing about my, I changed everything about who I was. Yeah. I didn't actually, or I don't have firm principles. Like not, and I don't even mean that as an insult necessarily, but that a lot of, a lot of things that, uh, I know that I, and you definitely too, hold as like these huge aspects of our identity are kind of just like, yeah, I guess I believe in that for a lot of people or, yeah, that's, I mean, that's, I mean, if I push comes to shove, I'd support that, but, you know, I'm flexible.

That's,

Regan: yeah. Again, I think that's where we're like the neurotypical, we're, we're not coming from that perspective because mm-hmm. I was like, I watch it. And Larry was like, good for them. Like honestly good for them. Like good for Don, for standing up for what he believes in. Mm-hmm. Good for D for doing the same, because they're both like both things are really important.

Someone's religion is obviously very important and then someone's sexuality and like. Wanting to explore that mm-hmm. Is [00:40:00] also very important.

Speaker 3: Mm-hmm.

Regan: The worst relationships happen when people aren't meeting on the same, like aren't on the same page, and they just deny it, and then somebody tries to force someone to do something they don't want.

Mm-hmm. Or somebody just is completely unfulfilled. That's also awful. I, I think maybe because it's a woman, maybe, maybe they're like, ah, if it was aan, pressuring percenting her mm-hmm. Or they're not pressuring, but if AAN wanted, if AAN wanted to be sexual and, and Danny was religious mm-hmm. Maybe they wouldn't have so much flack.

But I, I am very proud of both of them. I don't think they were a good match and I very much approved of them having strong boundaries and then being willing to let go of something that wasn't working.

Chesko: Mm-hmm. Agreed.

Regan: Okay. Next step. All

Chesko: right, next step. Who did I put next on my list? I didn't actually put this in any specific order, but, um, next up we have Tanner.

Oh, no, no. That, oh, let's go Tanner. I said it.

Regan: Tanner. Tanner. I love Tanner. I love so many, and I [00:41:00] feel for Tanner because he does things that I do.

Speaker 3: Mm-hmm.

Regan: He talk the way he just fills. Just talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk.

Speaker 3: Mm-hmm.

Regan: Um, I thought it was very interesting. A lot of, um, the people on the show, I noticed whenever they finish a sentence they like.

Mm-hmm. Put a smile at the end.

Speaker 3: Mm-hmm. And I was

Regan: wondering if that's like a, something that someone told them at some point, like, oh, make sure you smile at the end of a conversation. That's the appropriate, even Danny does it. That was just something I noticed. Is that, do you, do you ever, do you have things like that for yourself that you have Yeah.

I

Chesko: mean, there's, so much of my personality is, is mirroring also like of, of the way that I think of, of how you're supposed to act. Yeah. Which I, when I was younger, I was called a chameleon, uh, because of the fact that I could, and I didn't realize, no, it was just, that was my, me figuring out. It was a survi, it was a masking mechanism, was figuring I would go into an area, spend some time figuring out exactly how everyone was talking, interacting, doing things.[00:42:00]

And that became my personality for the rest of the time. Somebody

Speaker 7: said that, I get that

Chesko: there was a video about Tism. Mm-hmm. Um, which, which I loved. Uh, like, uh, autistic charisma, uh, for the people that don't know the, the slang terms. Cool kids, cool terms. Yeah. Uh, but somebody said, uh, that um, whenever someone says, like to an autistic person, oh, I love your personality internally.

It's like, thank you. I made it just for you. It's yours. It's yours. You're actually, you like yourself. That's good. I'm happy You have good self-esteem. What you like about me is just that you're seeing yourself in me right now.

Regan: That's so funny. You know what though? I think Tina has a very strong sense of, he also has a lot of charisma.

There was a couple of times I was like, Tanner, uh, when Tanner was like, he called her like a hot thing or something. Yeah. I was just like, oh my God. Mm-hmm. And it was so sweet because you could tell she had not gotten that compliment before. She had not been called Hot.

Speaker 3: Mm-hmm.

Regan: [00:43:00] And so like, he just, he's just like.

I don't know. He's just sweet with, when he is with girls, he's just, or women. Mm-hmm. Um, he's, I think he's older than I think, um mm-hmm. He's just so genuine and like, I can't get over. When he met Jack Black, I'm still like, yeah,

Chesko: that

Regan: was like Jack,

Chesko: Jack. It was so sweet. Uh, such a, once again, an honest, it's, it's honesty.

Yeah. It's like there's not, there's, there's no, um, shell of, uh, of, of lying going on or holding it down. Mm-hmm. This is genuine for how I'm feeling in this moment. I also like, I like now, at the end of the date, he was like, all right, well, I've decided already we are just gonna be friends.

Regan: Yeah. I, that was the other thing.

I was like, could we not do this more? Like, that's, this is why I get, I'm like, this, I, why is this not more of this? Mm-hmm. Because like I saw that and I was like, God, I wish I, like I had had done that or. Like, because so many of us [00:44:00] know we all mm-hmm. Like after one date, we're like, uh, this is not. Mm-hmm.

But like, I've gone on second dates with people. I've like, I just, I just loved that right away. He's like, do you wanna be friends? And they were both like, yeah, okay. Like, it was just, it was not a big deal. It was not taken as a huge insult or anything. Mm-hmm. It was just like, oh, I'm just not feeling this.

And I, I, uh, I love that. Go ahead.

Chesko: I, it's, it's actually, and once again, this is, it's watching the show was good for me, I think in like, since I wasn't, didn't find out about myself till much later in life. Right. And, uh, look up 'cause of, 'cause of my own misunderstanding of autism was, um, for, I mean, honestly it wasn't even.

Looked at the same way for most of my life. Right. Um, but I see so many aspects of myself and the, the running joke that I got people used to gimme so much shit for was exactly that, that I would be, I would go on single, uh, one date, maybe two and be like, and, and, and that's one of the reasons also why I don't have any, like really, I think negative, [00:45:00] bad ex, like evil, like, you know, people always talk about all these horrific experiences with exes.

Mm-hmm. Um, it's because I never let it get to the toxic moment of where we're staying in a relationship together, even though none of us are happy. Yeah. Uh, I was always very, very, uh, cognizant of it and realized it early on. Like my, I my wife and I have been together for 16 years now. I'm trying to think if adding in before marriage, something like that.

Right. My second longest relationship is six months. My third longest relationship is two weeks. Because, and, and then I have a bunch of other like one, two week re of things where it was just like, no, and there's no point in, this is fine.

Regan: We're good. I dated people for so long and I just like, it's like I didn't know where to end it or if I could end it or I thought I should stick it like, you know, stick it through.

And like I needed to be there for them even though I knew something was wrong. Mm-hmm. And so it was just like very, I don't know, it was a brush of a breath of fresh air to see them just be [00:46:00] like, no. We're good. Mm-hmm. But like, in a nice way, like they weren't being rude or anything, but it just was, it was just really nice.

I, I think he's, I would be shocked if he's not gonna have a girlfriend shortly. Mm-hmm. Because I think he's just a very charming, um, and, and like I, he just seems sweet. I love the way his relationship with his mom.

Chesko: Mm-hmm.

Regan: Just like everybody loves that. Like a good relationship with the parents. His

Chesko: sister.

Yeah. Yeah, his

Regan: sisters, his roommates. They haves like they're, hi. His roommates are so de supportive. I love his roommate. I know this is

Chesko: my favorite. I forgot his name. Uh, we should look that up, but I don't know everybody's

Regan: names, but Yeah. His

Chesko: roommate is the funniest freaking person. Like is genuinely hilarious.

The way Yeah. Um, when he had like

Regan: cheese on a chicken nugget or whatever and he is like, look at this.

Chesko: Yep. I'm like, you go. That's why. Yeah. That sounds like

Regan: a great snack.

Chesko: The other thing with Tanner too, that, that I, I see him struggling with, and once again, something that I remember, uh, struggling with too, in a different, in a different way.

Mm-hmm. But, um, I hear him [00:47:00] when he, when he was on these dates, he'd go back and talk to his sister or his mom and he'd be like, do you think I should be with someone that talks more like, because it's probably, he's been told, okay, the kind of woman you're gonna date is someone who's just like you, who does this and this and this.

Mm-hmm. So I could, I think there's even times where he's struggling. He is like, okay, well you didn't fit this check marks that I was told that I would like. Um, and so I'm gonna move on. Right. And it's, that's a hard thing to deal with.

Regan: I also notice, like I. My interpretation of the things that he said and watching him interact with the other women on the show was that he feels the need to fill space.

Speaker 3: Mm-hmm. And

Regan: like, you can see him like, like going through like a Rolodex of questions mm-hmm. If there's dead air. Mm-hmm. And so I feel like when he's paired with someone who doesn't speak like that, that one girl did, or woman did not speak very much.

Speaker 3: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Uh,

Regan: I felt like you could see his anxiety, like Right.

Ramping up because he was just started drilling her, like with questions. Mm-hmm. 'cause he's [00:48:00] like, I, I, I don't know that he likes that empty space. I think he's like, is a riffer, like, I think he likes Right.

Chesko: Going back and forth, add. When you add in the fact that he knows he's being recorded. Oh God. So I wonder if, if Tan, I would never have been able to, I would've been the worst person ever dating on camera.

Oh God. Because I'm already so aware of, of ev the way I'm acting, the way I'm talking, I'm already spending so much energy performing self. Yeah. That knowing that it has to be perfect. I guarantee, I I I do wonder if Tanner is going to end up meeting his, his someone when there's not a camera around. Yeah.

When he can just kind of let there be moments where he is not worried about filling that space and worried about acting and worried about that. So,

Regan: so rooting for Tanner. Shout out to Tanner. Yes. We love you. Okay. Who's next?

Chesko: Next up we got Madison and Tyler. Oh

Regan: my God. I love Madison. I would be friends with [00:49:00] Madison.

I. I, she's very religious. I don't know how she would feel about me. Yeah. I don't,

Chesko: yeah,

Regan: I, I, I hope she'd be cool with it. Yeah. But I really like that. That's the, um

Speaker 8: mm-hmm.

Regan: There aren't a lot for me in my life. Like I, there weren't, a lot of times I was really with the churches around me, I wasn't. You know, wasn't a huge fan of a lot of the stuff that went on.

Mm-hmm. But one aspect that I, I really liked was there was some really incredible support and

Speaker 3: I mm-hmm.

Regan: I thought it was really cool to see the ways in which she supported, like the, the community that she built with these girls that she met. I think they've known each other for a while. Mm-hmm. I guess they're women now, but the way they support her hobbies and her interests and like what a good community she had, that was really sweet to me.

Like, I really, that's, that's the part where I, I'm like, that part of community is great. Like I really, I really liked seeing that. Um, and also the unapologetic [00:50:00] way that this woman has dolls. I love it. Mm-hmm. I love it.

Speaker 3: Mm-hmm.

Regan: I used to have in my, can I tell you a secret? I'm gonna tell you a secret.

Speaker 3: Mm. Go for it.

I

Regan: had a bookshelf that was like my knickknack. I had all these, like, I love little things. Mm-hmm. Like I, I just, I had all these little like, weird little things like that I mm-hmm. Had collected or that I liked. And I love cows by the way. Like, I had all this cow print shit. It was, it was on too much, way too much.

But it was like, I put it away in the closet. 'cause I was like, oh, I don't, I don't think people need to see all the, these collections. And she's just like, here, here's all my American girl dolls. Mm-hmm. Here's all my Disney princesses and taking 'em with her. I'm like, yes. Yes girl. Mm-hmm. Like, be who you are.

I just found that like, so, ugh. I just found it refreshing.

Chesko: It is there, there's an aspect too, of. When you see that, you can see that they had a parent that allowed them Yep. To be open and explore those [00:51:00] things. You see that, we'll, we'll talk about, uh, the, you know, the, with trains of, of Perry and stuff, but like in a, in a really positive, healthy way that isn't always, and it's not, I, like I said, I had a very loving mom, uh, this is not me, but like, there's certain aspects of things that I loved and et cetera that I, I knew I couldn't necessarily be open with or share with because I knew people looked at me weird.

Yeah. Right. I knew that when I talked about it obsessively. Yeah. That I was, I was, I would, I would end up having negative repercussions. I wasn't always aware why. Right. Yeah. But I would learn about those sort of things. And so having a system in place, or having a community in place that allows you to love the things you love and just be open about it, I think I, I agree with you.

I think that was such a beautiful thing to see,

Regan: and it takes a very strong person. To be able to continue to live that way. Like even at like with a special interest. Like I can imagine that you can't like really let that go internally, but

Speaker 3: mm-hmm. [00:52:00]

Regan: But like the way that she, again, like, has continued to do that and does so, so freely and openly.

Mm-hmm. I can imagine she's had pushback. I like she has to have had just mm-hmm. If she grew up the way I grew up, I don't know. Um, like in, whether it be through school or whatever else, there's so much pushback to conform mm-hmm. And the way that she has refused to change. Mm-hmm. And why should she, like, why should she have to, like, who cares?

Right. Why do people care? I don't, I think it's great. Right. And like, you know, 'cause people, like, they get obsessed with clothing. They, you know, people mm-hmm. Like to have a, always have a drink. You know what I mean? Mm-hmm. Like that's something that's comforting to you. That you do, but we don't look down on that.

You's a socially

Chesko: acceptable adult hobby though, right? Oh,

Regan: excuse me. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Like,

Chesko: or like Yeah, you're right. Well, you brought up like wine collectors, right? They might have besses over having this amazing collection of wine and could talk about it for hours. Mm-hmm. But if I want to [00:53:00] talk about my favorite X-Men storyline, I knew you were going there, I'm the weirdo.

Right. Or if I wanna talk about my favorite video game, right? Yeah. Like it, it is, there is a, the internet has, has de-stigmatized a lot of these things, thank God. Um, because we, because we're finding out, you know, other communities and people Yes. There are like us that do like these things, but there is that, that it, it's, you don't get to choose what your special interest is.

Right. Right. It, it just kind of happens. You, you, and, and unfortunately when most of us are developing these lifelong special interests, we are children, right? Yeah. And so these, these, if you don't develop a socially acceptable special interest, then all of a sudden you are chastised for it. You're seen as weird or you're not.

Mm-hmm. You're seen as, as, as an outcast. And so, um, yeah. Be unapologetic about it. I love that. And I love that she, you know, and then she meets, uh, was it Tyler? Is that Yeah,

Regan: Tyler heard her cowboy gentleman, prince. Mm-hmm. When I, I about screamed when it was, it was like their [00:54:00] second or third date,

Chesko: Uhhuh. And

Regan: he bought her.

American girl, girl. I was like, we're done. I

Chesko: think it was her second one. Yeah.

Regan: I, but it's like, that's the thing. Mm-hmm. Because

Chesko: he listened to her.

Regan: Yes. People are so fixated on what the item is. Mm-hmm. And it's like, rather than he heard her mm-hmm. It's not about what he wanted to give her. It's about what she wanted, what she loved.

Mm-hmm. He listened enough to know the right doll to get once she hadn't, doesn't have, because Lord knows she has a lot of them. So it's like, it's, it would be hard. You couldn't just like randomly grab one. Like he really thought about it when he gave it to her and I'm like, damn. Like he took interest and her special interest, like so many people

Speaker 3: mm-hmm.

Regan: Will never have that experience in their life, will never have somebody who takes, who even listens, let alone like participates in and supports. And I was like, mm-hmm Tyler, you cowboy hat wearing son of a bitch? He always goes, oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. That's like, he's always [00:55:00] anything she says, he goes, oh yeah, I record.

And like the only thing. I'm not a hater. I'm not a hater

Speaker 6: uhhuh,

Regan: but I do not like, I become unhinged when I see people, like a lot of PDA, like on camera. I

Chesko: was, I literally, I knew everybody. You were gonna go. I was

Regan: screaming

Speaker 4: when they were, they were just like on each other's mouth, Uhhuh. And the dad was like, ah.

He

Chesko: was like, and I, I, I, that was such a moment where even as a dad, I was just like, trying to imagine what I would be doing in this moment. Screaming. Because it's also the, you could see the, the battle of like, they're so happy their daughter found someone Yes. But wants to be affectionate with. But it was like, it was also like, all right, Tyler.

Regan: Yes. I would've, he was nicer than me. I would've jumped in and like Tyler.

Chesko: Yeah.

Regan: Enough, enough on her face. Let's, let's

Chesko: take a break. Let's take a break. Yeah. We're gonna, uh,

Regan: take, take a breathe. Uh, we're gonna have to have a rule about how often you guys can. [00:56:00] Make out or whatever, because friends, if you didn't watch it, Tyler and Madison, uh, were locking lips every two seconds.

Very

Chesko: excited about kissing each other. And it was intense. Yeah. And it's been a few weeks since, I think since they'd seen each other Yeah. After that point. Yeah.

Regan: But it was in front of her whole family and her dad, who had never even seen her talk like before this, like, really wasn't talking about men.

Mm-hmm. Or boys as she was younger. And now he's watching her smash faces with one. Um, and it was, my dad would've, my dad would've screamed. Yeah. He would've been like, okay. Okay.

Chesko: It was a genuine comedy moment. Yes. But accidental. His, his face of just like, because he's noisy, he's being filmed for, also for a, oh my gosh.

Also international audience to watch how he reacts. And so he is like. I have to be the coolest dad ever in this moment. Moment. This is fine. This is fine. Um, it was so

Regan: bad. It was, it was great. I mean, it's great that they wanna have that much physical affection. I, I am. I love it. I just can't, [00:57:00] like, even on tv I'm like, I am stu.

I'm like, Ugh. Uh, like it's very rare that I see a kiss on TV that I was like, that was good. That was mm-hmm. That looked good. But, um, good for them. Happy for them. Yeah. I, they're still dating it seems like. Mm-hmm. And she, she didn't settle, you know what I mean? She, she had the first date with the, the guy that she didn't like.

Mm-hmm. They didn't meet each other. You, can we talk about that conversation? Sure. 'cause I, I actually thought that was a really genuine like, um, honest conversation that you don't really see very often. Mm-hmm. Which was, she tells him. Uh, we're not a romantic match.

Speaker 3: Mm-hmm.

Regan: And he was someone who gets overstimulated.

Mm-hmm. The place they put them. I was like, are you nuts? Yeah, I know, I know. Why did you set him up for failure? So they put him in a crowded bar and he, he has to put on headphones and he's so ups, I, I don't know if he felt upset, but he was definitely mm-hmm. Overstimulated. I'm not sure how, what his mood [00:58:00] was towards being overstimulated.

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 8: Um,

Regan: but he like was, he almost had his head down on the table because he was, it's like he's, you know, it's one of, you're like trying to get like solace from the noise.

Speaker 3: Right.

Regan: And so, uh, then they move outside, but it's still really loud for him. Mm-hmm. And so she says, you know, this isn't a match. And he goes, I don't, you know, I think it is, I just think I'm overstimulated here.

Speaker 3: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Regan: And then she said, no, it's not a match. And I was like, that is such a good conversation because, you know, she's saying, I, I don't feel, and he's saying like. I am not my best self here. Mm-hmm. Like I, I, this is not me. I've been put in a situation where you're not seeing the best of me. Mm-hmm.

Which, like, when I started being over, so, uh, when we had our daughter, uh, I started my becoming like excessively overstimulated to the point, like everything was setting me off and I was like having like, I panic attacks and I got like, noise canceling headphones, and like, I [00:59:00] didn't really, I was like, oh shit, this really helps.

Mm-hmm. And I had never been put, pushed to that point. Um, and so like, I, I, it's like if you, if you were to meet me in those moments where I, I'm so overwhelmed, like I, I don't wanna hear anything.

Speaker 3: Mm-hmm. Like, that

Regan: is not me. That is not like, so I had a lot of empathy for that and for that conversation, which is a fair conversation that we don't have very often.

Like, Hey, this is not the setting for me to be my best self. Uh, I think we could be compatible, but just not right now. And she. So her saying, well, no, because I love loud places and I wanna be social and the things that

Chesko: she wants is going to be, is going to continue overstimulating s to be an issue. And I, I don't, that's another thing too that, um, I actually think it's good that they show that also.

Sure. Of, of, um, I know one thing we. As parents have struggled with is we let our kids have their headphones and iPads in restaurants because of the fact that it's such an restaurants are such people that are not, that don't have any sensory issues. Not just [01:00:00] autistic people, but like in general, if people have a sensory Yes.

Sensitivity restaurants are sensory nightmares.

Regan: Yes, they are. Right.

Chesko: There are loud, there are multiple conversations going on. There are screens usually in places. Metal, gray colors, metal

Regan: screeching. Yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Chesko: There's the different textures in the food. You can see it and it, there's just the smells right there.

It's a sensory smorgasbord. Um, that if you don't have a sensory, uh, sensitivity, it can be actually a, a interesting experience. But, um, so we, we, uh, realized early on, 'cause our kids were, you know, but this is. Before we even knew my son, uh, was autistic. Um, but he would have such a horrific time at certain restaurants and we couldn't figure out why.

And it was, and then it was finally we realized it was the, um, because I don't, I don't really have a noise since I have a light sensitivity, uh, for certain things, but I don't have an, a real noise sensitivity. That was one of the things I'd never had to deal with, really. And so it was, I have a very specific type noise sensitivity.

Not gonna stop focusing on myself. I'm trying to explain this. Stop Reagan, I'm, [01:01:00]

Speaker 5: oh

Regan: my God, I'm just sitting here listening. Anyway.

Chesko: And so we, we, uh, started allowing, uh, them to use their headphones, uh, and, and restaurants. And they enjoyed themselves a lot more. They were doing it, but there's so much judgment on parents that allow their kids to use Okay.

iPads and headphones. Um, can I, can I just say

Regan: something real quick?

Chesko: Mm-hmm.

Regan: First of all, if you grew up in a generation. Where you didn't even have access to tablets and headphones. I don't wanna hear it. Right, because your, your, uh, screen time was outside. Right. We just got kicked outside like you're mm-hmm.

Go outside for forever. Like go wait outside. And it's like if you, you can't judge something that you don't even know if you would've used because mm-hmm. I guarantee you would've used it.

Speaker 3: Mm-hmm.

Regan: And I think like, parents can't win because if their kids have headphones, they get in trouble if they mm-hmm.

Are like screens. But then also if your kid isn't on one and is [01:02:00] screaming and making noise, the, you also get judged.

Speaker 3: Mm-hmm. And

Regan: so I think like, like there are times where I'll. You know, my daughter isn't on the spectrum, but there are times when, you know, I need a breath of

Speaker 3: mm-hmm. Just,

Regan: I just wanna eat hot food that I didn't cook

Speaker 3: Right.

Regan: And sit for a second and not be, just have no stimulation. Mm-hmm. Um, so I guess that, that's my other stuff kicking in, but, so she'll watch something on my phone for a second, you know? Mm-hmm. It's like, and then I get to eat and then, you know, she's quiet and, mm-hmm. It's like just. Leave people alone if they, if you're not disrupting children, your life, children.

Yeah. And like, you know mm-hmm. Sometimes, sometimes kids get loud. It's like, kids should be allowed to exist in space. I'm not saying they should run wild. And you know, I saw a video recently of a child stabbing people with a fork on an airplane. Okay. I was like, not that.

Chesko: No, that's, you do have to draw a line somewhere.

Regan: This woman was like, she had her shoe up because she was about to whack the kid's hand because the gr [01:03:00] the child had a metal fork. It was sta, or, or a sharp fork. It would look, I mean, it looked substantial. I don't know how she got the fork, but she was like literally running down the aisle, stabbing people.

Speaker 8: Mm-hmm. I was

Regan: like, uh, I get, you shouldn't be doing those things. Right. But I think there needs to be space for kids and understanding, especially if it's like mixed calming, like it's calming the situation. Like why is that a problem? Mm-hmm.

Chesko: No. Nobody knows. I have no idea. People are, but it, it is the the looks that you get and the way really, and, and Oh, so ma And I think it's part, in part because we're also dealing with, uh, the them if they are having a meltdown.

And I think were more aware. We have the, we had the police called in us one time, um, where a cop came to our door and he, they, luckily, it was very, they were very chill about it. But my child was having a, my, my wife took her out for a walk, uh, and she had a, she had a very bad meltdown and then transferring her from the stroller into the house.

Yeah. [01:04:00] Someone walking by decided that must be, they're abusing her or something. Yeah. Or they're kidnapping this child or, or something like that. Oh. Uh, and so I think we, my wife and I have talked about, we are extremely sensitive to the view of other people. Just 'cause we're constantly now like, are you gonna call the cops on us?

Yeah. For parenting our child. Um, and that there, there was a video on. That went viral of a, of a, a young girl having some sort of a meltdown in, in a, in a, a airport about not getting something she wanted. And everyone was certain that girl doesn't have a disability. She's just a brat. She's just terrible.

Those, my, I would never have done that, blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, oh,

Regan: love the wood nevers.

Chesko: Yeah. God. And it's always the perfect parent. And, and it, the one person was like, I have three autistic daughters. None of them have ever acted like that in public. I'm like. I hate so mad at everyone that, that is so judgmental off of a 32nd video online of a child acting First off, don't put [01:05:00] the child online.

Yeah. Stop filming children. It's a stranger filming a child. Someone else's child in public. Who should we be mad at? Yeah. The anger should be at the person filming another person's minor child and putting them on the internet to pub be publicly ashamed. Ew. That's where the anger should be focused. But it's all the people that are experts from a 32nd clip and knowing, no, no, I can tell the difference.

No you can't. No

Regan: you can't. Right.

Chesko: You absolutely cannot tell the difference. And even if it is just a child at an airport after a 12 hour flight with, with no inherent reason for it, but they're just upset 'cause they wanted a toy and they've been really overstimulated. Stop. Doing that on the internet. I'm so frustrated about it.

Anyway, I would've on a real big tangent here.

Regan: It really is a slap in the face with, with something like autism, where, you know mm-hmm. People are so desperate to be diagnosed and have to fight to get a diagnosis.

Speaker 3: Mm-hmm.

Regan: Some, you know, into adulthood, like are begging for help [01:06:00] to then have everybody on the internet think they have a dr you know, right in front of their name.

Like, well, right. It's like, really? Because I tell that to my doctor who refuses to diagnose me, you know? Mm-hmm. It's just like, it's so insane, and I think, again, like we have to have space for people to exist. Like a, a child who was autistic will probably have a meltdown at some point. Like, are we saying they're not allowed in public spaces?

Is that the world we wanna live in? Are we shaming them for existing? Like, that's insane to me. Okay.

Chesko: We have, we have two more to talk about. Next up we have. Feminist icon. James. James.

Regan: James. I love James. Yes. He really is a feminist icon. This man is on the internet shouting for women's rights like all the time.

Like you see us a cl a bit of it when he's at his birthday bonfire. Also, why did his dad make it a bonfire? Leave it alone like the smoke was killing them.

Speaker 6: That was crazy. I was like,

Regan: stop it. [01:07:00] Such a dad thing, you know, it's like, no, we need this fire. I'll build it. Yeah. Be great. And then James is like, Ugh, I don't like it.

Ah,

Chesko: guess we'll do that, dad. That's

Regan: fine. Okay. Your relationship's very funny. They, the parents and him, they're just like, he, he's

Chesko: just like, mom, stop. Dad, please. I just, you know, let me explain to you, and the thing is, we, everyone's had those conversations with their parents. Yes. They're like, no, that's so outdated.

No, you're wrong. Yes. Let me explain to you why that's a problem.

Speaker 3: Yeah.

Chesko: Um, I, one of my favorite things I did feel like at his party when Shelly was, uh, is, is his girl. And as far as we know, they're still together. Mm-hmm. Um, was, I did feel he was like, I, I need you to know that she, I, she probably posted something about like abortion or something in the story.

Yes. And he was like, I need you to know I am also very passionate about this and let. Figure out a way to squeeze it in, in, in a way.

Regan: I don't know though. 'cause he's like, if you check his, like, I think it's his TikTok. I mean, he talks about it very often. [01:08:00]

Chesko: I don't mean like he was doing it in a normal way.

No, I know. I'm

Regan: just saying I, I could see him just like randomly being like, and you know, what else?

Chesko: Abortion rights. But I've done that before when I know there's someone that has a shared interest of Sure. Or something that I'm passionate about. Yeah. You're like, I also, you find ways to, for I, how do I force this into the car?

Because I want us to be friends. Yes. And I know we're gonna be friends. Yes. But if we don't talk about these certain things that I know we have in common. Yes. Uh, that, and I've absolutely not done exactly that, but like with other things, right. Force stuff in the conversation where I'm like, yeah, I, I want you to know that this is, I'm not, uh, I, I don't believe the other way because mm-hmm.

Just in case you need to know that I,

Regan: I, and I have so much empathy for James. He gets very frustrated. There's lots of times he's getting frustrated and there's. Especially when he is like trying to get something his point across or he is trying to talk about something because like, I have that, but a lot of it's like internal on the inside I'm screaming, uh, but he'll be like, huh.

Like he'll, like you can just see that he has these moments where he gets really stressed. [01:09:00] Like, uh, especially, you know, there's point with, with Shelly, like at the bonfire when he's trying to ask her out. He's really trying to get it out, but you can tell how stressed he is. Mm-hmm. I was like, I get that. I get that James.

It is stressful, especially when there's a pretty woman that you are trying to talk to. It is and very

Chesko: stressful. We're, we'll, we'll talk about this O'Connor in a second too. That first kiss is so hard. Yeah. And people, some people make it out to be easy, but I know my first kiss of my wife, it's a running joke about how awkward I was about like.

Going. It was just this, like this moment of kiss on the front stoop of her, uh, you're so much

Speaker 4: taller than her also. I know. So how did you even accomplish it?

Chesko: It was e every, you have to hunch over. It's

Speaker 4: crazy.

Chesko: It's difficult to be open and honest about things. Yeah. And, and not knowing. And, and I think it's, there is a level of, um, and, and I think that this is where more related to being autistic, where, um, [01:10:00] everyone, it's hard to read people.

I think everyone struggles with it to an extent. But it's there, there is, that's part of the diagnosis is that is an ability to understand, uh, and pick up on, uh, uh, other expressions and other, the, the way that people are reacting to you at times. Yeah. Um, and so I think there's, you overanalyze that even when you are view, we've talked about this with me before, where I just always, I never assume positive intent.

Regan: I re literally, one of our last conversations about this was you saying that someone asking to make out with you is not someone hitting on you. And Right. I still have not recovered from that conversation,

Chesko: but that's kind of the, but that's exactly where it is though. It's, it's like. No, that I'm moving into this.

No, I'm wrong here. I don't, this is, this can't be what I think it means. Yeah. Uh, and so, because like, and it's much easier to see for other people than it is for yourself too. Mm-hmm. Like, I, I'm watching a show, I'm like, come on, like esp, we'll talk about Connor in a second, but I'm like, Georgie wants you to kiss her con, it's right there.

Just go for it. Yeah. [01:11:00] Um, but it's, it's that, that constant doubt that I think I see what I think I see, but if I've been wrong in the past so many times that I don't wanna mess this up. I don't want to do this wrong thing. I don't wanna overstep my boundaries mm-hmm. Uh, about this sort of thing. And so just this, this, uh, that moment of stress is something I felt on a guttural, like just, just the internal archaic level of just like, oh, I feel everything you're going through right now, my guys.

Regan: Yeah. Yeah. Um, but he does, he does a really good job and like he, you know, he goes on the one date that doesn't work out so well. Mm-hmm. But I, I, I love the way that he sticks to his style. I love the way that he's sure of what he wants. I mean, he doesn't want someone with dogs and he really, really makes sure.

Yeah. That's not, there's not a dog involved and he doesn't want kids too, and he's open about that. Mm-hmm. And I think he does a good job of that. I think, [01:12:00] you know, he's proof that sticking to who you are and knowing what you want can have a positive outcome because mm-hmm. It was hard for him for a while.

Speaker 3: And then

Regan: finally we see him seemingly still mm-hmm. Uh, in a relationship with someone he really likes that meets his specific needs.

Chesko: Mm-hmm.

Regan: Uh, and vice versa. So.

Chesko: We saw them cos there, there was a picture, I think of them afterwards of them cos playing at like a, oh my God, I love it. Which I love. And that was my, my wife and I kept saying, why aren't, why aren't they doing like dating at a Refa or something?

Like he would, he needs someone that is like into that. 'cause that's a big hobby of his, uh, and then they didn't bring that up, but it looks like that's something she's into as well. And that makes sense because he loves

Regan: it and he did a date there last time. Mm-hmm. So,

Chesko: yeah.

Regan: Okay. All right. Do we wanna get to your favorite couple?

Sure.

Chesko: Let's go to Connor and Georgie Connor, the iconic couple of the, and I don't, I mean that with zero sarcasm. Yeah. With complete genuine, it's my, one of my favorite couples on TV of all time.

Regan: [01:13:00] God, Connor is so funny. Like he genuinely has so many good lines. Mm-hmm. This season that slayed me. Like, well I know

Chesko: there was the one with his mom, like where, uh, he was like, uh, I'm gonna cop a feel.

Yeah. If I cop a feel, I must then cop a feel I shall. And she's like, Connor, you know, that means like. Touching her boob, but he was like,

Regan: oh no. Well, he did one where he was like, they were saying, they said something like that and he is like, that's, that is too far. That's inappropriate Uhhuh. And then like he just kinda like turns and he is like, but true.

Speaker 5: But it's true. He, he's so good. And the Look,

Regan: I cannot Yeah, go ahead. When he has the secret face with his mom, which all of us have that, you know, I, I do. Anyways, Uhhuh, like my whole family, we just will cuddle, look at each other and we're like, oh, mm-hmm. Don't talk about that. That means that. And so he is like, he's like, this is the face.

And then. He does like the intense eyebrows. And then he, she says something [01:14:00] to Georgie and he gets the face, gives the face and she's like, oh, oh, sorry, sorry, we have a face. I was like,

Speaker 4: yes, you should. There,

Chesko: there is so much of my son in Connor and his mannerisms and the way he talks that I, I found my, literally, I would so find myself crying constantly during Connor's side.

'cause I'm like, if it's such a weird feeling, like, I'm like, that's my little boy, like as a grownup, it's my son on there. They're, they're different. But it, like I, because of the fact that there's, so, there was so many much with, with Connor specifically, where I saw so much overlap with my son. Mm-hmm. Uh, and, and the way he joked, the way he talked about things.

Um, and, and, and a lot of ways, a lot of overlap with myself and a lot of, with the way that I talk about things in the world too. I also love, one of the things I thought was so beautiful about Connor, uh, and we, we mentioned a second ago was how, uh. Clearly he was seeking consent Yes. For, for doing things and how it was such a good example [01:15:00] of, of just w why it's important and how it can help, especially if you're not sure.

Mm-hmm. If you're understanding, like, I wanted to know, can, can I kiss you? Yeah. And Georgie is the perfect counter for him. Mm-hmm. Because she's. So like gentle and understanding and patient. Yep. And she saw, and she was very observant too, and she saw how uncomfortable she was like, how about my cheek or my hand?

Mm-hmm. And he was like, and she knows and 'cause she's also listening to him being loving like medieval things Yeah. And all that. Sure. And he's like, yes, I'll do that.

Regan: Yeah.

Chesko: Uh, I was like,

Regan: well, and then you had the other moment where like, then he real, you could tell he was like, oh, that's not what I wanted actually.

Yeah. Because it's like, it is this give and take. Yeah. It is. Trying to figure out like, what are you comfortable with? What do I want? And like both of them were trying to figure out what, what's comfortable for both of us. Mm-hmm. And then him realizing, oh

Speaker 8: no, I really do wanna kiss

Speaker 6: this girl. I wanna. Yeah.

Regan: And then he does, it's so sweet. And he literally goes weak in the knees. Like, [01:16:00] actually he thought he was gonna pass out.

Chesko: Mm-hmm. And I'm

Regan: like, I get that.

Chesko: Yep.

Regan: I get

Speaker 8: that. Mm.

Chesko: And the way he said, the way the sun is glistening off your hair. I was like, I can't,

Speaker 8: I can't with it. But

Chesko: it's, it's the on, it's like an actual compliment.

Yes. A genuine, full-hearted. And, well, even before that date though, he was talking to his brother, he is like, I ruined it. I know. I ruined it. I've been, I've been there, Connor. I was like, I know what it feels like when nothing goes right or when it go, went great. But the thing you wanted to go Right. Yeah.

Didn't go the way you wanted to

Regan: and Yeah. I, it was just so sweet the way. Mm-hmm. Like, there's so few people on the planet that like. Would walk with you in the rain in a backyard to hear you verbally discuss how you're going to build your house. Mm-hmm. Like he's pointing to nothing and he's like, this is where this will be.

This is where that'll be. Mm-hmm. And it's literally pouring rain. She's so genuine with him and she's so interested in his [01:17:00] interests and she cares so much about him that like she's down for that like she is. Mm-hmm. So invested in everything he says. Mm-hmm. And I'm just like seeing someone be appreciated.

And even his humor, he would joke and she would joke back, like seeing someone be valued and appreciated for exactly who they are. And like someone gets like, like with my wife, like she's one of the only people on this earth that really gets me. I have a lot going on, very complicated, but she gets me and we get each other like on a vi, like it's visceral and our sense of humor.

And so, you know, I think Connor probably hasn't. It felt that way with many other people. And so to see someone get him and, and he gets her was so beautiful to watch. Like, it was so amazing. And, and it could not have happened if they weren't so honest with who they are.

Speaker 6: Mm-hmm.

Regan: And yeah, I just was like, cry.

It's one of the running,

Chesko: it's [01:18:00] one of the running, um, themes of why the, the, this is common theme, I think among most neurodivergent people. Mm-hmm. But you heard among autistic people as well, where the autistic radar, where they can kind of tell what someone is. And, and I think part of it is when you can unmask a little bit more naturally around them.

Mm-hmm. Because there was a feeling, I've noticed it myself too, around certain people. And also this, uh, there was, there was somebody online, I think it was. I am gonna say it, and if I'm wrong, I'll, I'll correct myself In the notes of the show, I think it was Black Spectrum Scholar on Threads posted about, like, they want there to be like a dating, but not where it's not for romance, but you just go around for 20 minutes and share your special interest with another autistic person.

Speaker 5: That's so awesome though.

Chesko: Right? And so, and it's, and it's, I think it's the, the reason is, and it's like, so there are individual people that also are good at hearing about this and kind of Sure. Grabbing it on. But in general, I, I know the feeling, it feels so bad when you're so excited about something and then you [01:19:00] realize that this person does not care, or they keep trying to change the subject and you're like, oh, brutal.

Oh, I have, I have 10 more minutes of this I need to tell you or else I'm not gonna hear anything else you say for the rest of the day.

Regan: That's you for sure. You're like, wait, hold on. I have to tell you this thing really fast and then I can hear you.

Chesko: I have to, I promise I'll do the shortest version possible or else nothing's gonna get accomplished.

Regan: Yeah, it is really sad. It's like a soul crushing to think about, like if somebody was talking about something they loved and the person's like, yeah. Mm-hmm. Anyways,

Chesko: like, oh my God, I cannot express how bad. And then you feel also so embarrassed about about it in that moment. 'cause you're like, oh, of course you don't care about.

This random comic book storyline, or you, of course you don't care about this, this video game that, oh God, I was playing. Or, or, oh no, it's not even, of course you don't care about the backstory of a minor character in a [01:20:00] video game that I, that you're playing, right? Yeah. Of that moment of like, but it was really, but I had to find somebody to tell about this.

Yeah, of course. You don't care about the mechanics of playing this kind of character in this M-M-O-R-P-G about the best way to maximize damage in order to blah, blah, blah. Of course you don't care about that. So

Speaker 5: I, uh,

Regan: my most recent one of that is my poor wife. Poor, poor wife. Yeah. Um, I wanted to tell her.

Literally a brief thing that happened on a show I liked in the, mm-hmm. It was a Korean kind of horror thriller. Mm-hmm. Uh, the lighthouse. So good. So good. Or the light chop, excuse me. The light chop. And I, and I go, oh wow. I kind of have to tell you the whole thing. And I stood there and verbally described a whole series, all characters, all background, [01:21:00] all like, every part of it.

I, the visual, literally, this is all just to tell her like one thing, like I have to give back. Even when I tell a story, I have to give backstory. And you know what, I'm so lucky. 'cause she's like, okay, yeah. And she's like, oh, I can see why that was really emotional in the finale. Mm-hmm. And I'm like, oh God, what have I done?

Chesko: I just did that, uh, two days ago I just finished reading a book Project Hail Mary by, uh, Andy Weir. He's the one he wrote the, uh, the Martian.

Speaker 8: Oh, yes. Uh,

Chesko: yeah. Uh, it's such a good book. Yeah. And, but the very ending mm-hmm. And I, I brought it, I was like, are you gonna, I, let me tell you enough where if you wanna read the book, I'm not giving go spoilers.

And then, yes. And then she was like, I'm not gonna read the book. Don't worry. Perfect. Okay. Let me tell you everything, because I had to go through and so, yep. 45 minutes later we get to the one thing at the very end of the book I wanted to talk about. Yep.

Regan: That's literally, we're, we're a little scary.

Similar sometimes. Yeah. I'm, I'm frightened. For us,

Speaker 3: it's great.

Regan: Oh shit. But yeah. Uh, to that point, it's great to [01:22:00] find people who get you. Mm-hmm. And like I, I think, um, certain people, it's harder for them to find that. And so it was just so beautiful to see that.

Chesko: Speaking of what we skipped, I realized we skipped, uh, Perry and Tina.

Regan: Oh God.

Chesko: Oh my God. So cute. Love them. I love them so much. Real quick, because we're like two hours into, I know

Regan: Perry. Loves the train.

Chesko: Uhhuh

Regan: loves the tea, loves the train,

Chesko: loves the tea with the date.

Regan: Her wanting to like kiss a girl for the first time and be in, I was like, oh my God, me

Chesko: And that was the, we, we mentioned a little bit earlier, my, one of my favorite moments in that first date though was you could tell it was not even, it was not a aggressive, it was not a, not even romantic.

She was like, I, I realize I want this experience of kissing a girl.

Speaker 4: Yep.

Chesko: Of kissing a and. I need to know what it feels like. And you could tell she was like, oh, I be this. It's not, no, it's not the right moment. [01:23:00] So I, so she didn't do it, but you could tell, you could see the disappointment,

Regan: Tina, but Tina's hard to read, I thought, like mm-hmm.

She, I think she seemed happy the whole time, but I wouldn't have known either.

Speaker 3: Right.

Regan: I thought she was just a little bit harder to read so I could understand why, you know.

Speaker 3: Mm-hmm. She

Regan: was a little like, uh,

Speaker 3: mm-hmm. I

Regan: don't, maybe, but I, I just, I could not, I was like, there's so many things like, um. After they kiss, uh, then she's, she was like, God, that's so much better than a boy.

It was, it was weird. I'm like, girl,

Chesko: another, another healthy moment. Um, ooh. So the, the train club before she went on the date

Speaker 7: Aww,

Chesko: those boys. And they asked, they're like, did any of you ever, were you ever interested? And they're like, yeah. But then she said she was, uh, she was interested in girls. And we're like, okay.

But it was because I, I think they were, yeah. They didn't say they were autistic. I got the vibe. My, my autistic radar definitely felt like they were, they were of like-minded individuals. Um, I don't want to, [01:24:00] I don't know, maybe we should cut that out. I don't, I don't wanna diagnose anybody. Sure I leave it.

That's fine. Um, anyways, but you could tell that they were like, yeah, we thought she was cute. But she said what she wanted, we respect that. That's not us. And now we are continuing our friendship. Yeah.

Speaker 6: Mm-hmm.

Chesko: And, and it did. And it was, it was such a, that's how you should handle mm-hmm. Something like that.

Oh, she's not interested in us regardless of sexuality or not. Right. Uh, but there's no interest. Okay. That's fine. I thought maybe this could be something else. She has expressed her interest. I respect her as a person and a friend. Mm-hmm. Let's move on and just be friends and talk about trains.

Regan: And then our, our train goddess was talking to her sister mm-hmm.

And was, was ex, had accidentally labeled her sister as lesbian, and she's, uh, bye. Mm-hmm. And then she's like, at least I didn't call you straight. I was like,

that was, that killed, killed me. I was like, that's hilarious. But it was just so sweet to see like mm-hmm. [01:25:00] Somebody finally experiencing something they were so excited about. They both were so excited about and like. Oh, I just, I really empathized with that because that is such a huge jump, like when you're going from mm-hmm.

Dating guys to girls and like you just, oh God. I just was like, that's so amazing and also scary. And I remember how like intimidating it was, it's very intimidating and it was just sweet to see that, oh, it's a whole, like, it's, it's completely in my mind. Like, so like the social rules were different.

Mm-hmm. What, how you approached it was so different. Like I, I felt like I had to start from. Square one, like starting girls. I'm like, I know nothing. I'm terrified. Not that I knew much before, but yeah. It, with your

Chesko: wife, did you go for the first kiss or did she go for the first kiss?

Regan: I feel like I kissed her cheek

Chesko: and then

Regan: we mm-hmm.

Turned heads. That feels, but what was funny is I kept telling her, this is, I don't know, TMI maybe, [01:26:00] but I was like, uh, I'm not gonna kiss you on the first date. I was like, I will not, so don't expect it. I was very, like, because I had had such bad experiences with men, um, I started being really clear with my boundaries mm-hmm.

And like what I wanted. Mm-hmm. And so, um, it was probably why I liked Danny, uh, but I was like, I'm not gonna kiss you and I won't kiss you and don't expect it. And she's like, mm-hmm. Okay. That's fine. And then. Immediately upon meeting her, I was like, I'm kissing your face

Chesko: too. Next. I, I need your face on my face.

This is the, it's immediately, it's very important that this happens. I almost,

Regan: it means something to me. I almost, we met at a, a bar and I was like, I am going to jump over this table. Like, I need to kiss you real. I, I had never felt that. Mm-hmm. Like, I had never felt that way in my life. Like the, the chemistry.

I was like, what is this? What is, this is why people, I get it now because everyone, this

Chesko: is what it's supposed to feel like. Okay. Everyone's always,

Regan: like, I used to think people who like had wanted [01:27:00] to have sex all the time. I was like, what is wrong with them? Like, why are they like that? Who cares is terrible.

I, who has the drive for that? I don't like, even when I was young, everyone would do was, would hook up with each other. I was like. Why that I, no thank you. No, thank you. Check. No, but I, I met her. I was like, oh my God, I get it now.

Chesko: Yeah.

Regan: Whoa. Well,

Chesko: I think, and I think just to, because I know this is this, so we've got a very long for this episode, and I think I want to sum up a, a couple things.

One, I remind everybody, we are obviously not experts in this field. Uh, we are speaking from our own lived experiences and just observations. And so do not take anything we have said as a diagnosis or, or anything of that. 'cause I think people tend to take that way too far online where this is, there, there is far more to, uh, being autistic than anything we have mentioned on this sh uh, on this show or that show.

Uh, so keep that in mind. Uh, one of the, I think in general. The thing that has made [01:28:00] this show so popular is that it's such a nice counter to the toxicity of dating. You see online and toxicity of dating, you hear about so much in the internet of, of just people being honest and and forthcoming and just genuine in dating, which is what dating for everyone can take lessons from about how much better it is when you aren't playing games, when you aren't playing all these sorts of different fake rules that you make up to convince someone to be with you.

But when you seek out someone that shares your interest and you can be honest about whether or not it works out, I think that's why it's so popular. It's so refreshing to see adults engaging in a way that I think that honestly, holistic and neurotypical people spec especially have been told that you can't.

Date that way. You can't have a romantic partner without playing game after game, after game without, uh, hiding how you actually feel without, you [01:29:00] can't compliment them. The that in that way. You can't be as direct about what you want, uh, asking for consent before you kiss. That's weird. That shouldn't be how you do.

Right? And then you're seeing this, this, this, all of these dating experiences that send in direct opposition to that. And they're like, oh, that's really refreshing. Maybe what can we take away from that? And I don't think people are gonna take that away from it, like something like those same, the people that need to take that away from it.

But I, I do think that's a big aspect of it, is just seeing people engage in romantic partnerships in a way that we have been told. Is not how you're supposed to quote unquote, right? It goes against the societal norms of, uh, what we are constantly taught is the way to do something. And that's part of being autistic is, is you make your, your own norms.

You, you don't necessarily always pick up on these cultural norms, which can cause your life to be harder in some ways, but we're seeing how it could be actually a really beautiful thing, especially when it comes to [01:30:00] fighting a partner.

Regan: Drop the mic. Well said, sir, I can see why you won Educator of the Year, because that was a solid ending.

I did, I did. Well, the listeners don't know what you just did because they can't see you.

Chesko: Great audio collar pop. It was a collar

Regan: pop. Friends, thanks again to everybody who's listening and we will see you next wink.

Speaker 7: Bye

Regan: bye. I love you. There it is. Bye.