Our day-to-day life is filled with assumptions and judgment. Every interaction with others - and
even those with ourselves - is in some way influenced by these assumptions and
judgements. Most of the time, however, they are unnecessary and even harmful
to our ability to connect with others and ourselves. There’s a beautiful poem
that talks about connection without assumptions or judgment, which reads…
“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I’ll meet you there.
When the soul lies down in that grass, the world is too full to talk about.
Ideas, language, even the phrase “each other” doesn’t make any sense.”
This beautiful verse is part of a poem written by Jalāl al-Dīn Muḥammad Rūmī,
often simply referred to as ‘Rumi.’ The poem itself is unnamed, as were all Rumi’s poems at
the time he wrote them, but in modern times it has often been assigned the title ‘The Great Wagon.’
In this verse, Rumi encourages us to let go of our worldly convictions and
ideas in order to try and connect with others and with our inner-self on a deep,
personal level. The world and its circumstances do not matter here. The poem continues:
“The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you. Don’t go back to sleep.
You must ask for what you really want. Don’t go back to sleep.
People are going back and forth across the doorsill
where the two worlds touch. The door is round and open.
Don’t go back to sleep.”
When waking at dawn, one is often eager to go back to sleep. Rumi uses this feeling to talk
about our temptation to ignore our inner selves: the breeze at dawn is our soul,
wanting to come out and reveal itself to us. Rumi is telling us not to go back to sleep:
try to get to know yourself instead.
Rumi lived from 1207 to 1273 and he was not only an amazing poet, but also a theologian,
a philosopher, an Islamic scholar, and one of the most prominent figures in Sufism.
Sufism is a form of philosophical practice within Islam that is focused on purification,
spirituality, performing rituals,
and abstaining from worldly pleasures. His poems are widely known, admired,
and have been translated into numerous languages and into multiple formats across the globe.
One of the most interesting and important topics Rumi liked to write about was love. As he wrote:
‘We are born of love; Love is our mother.’ In the Western world, we often associate the word
love with our spouse, partner, closest friends and family members. However,
Rumi’s idea of love went far beyond that. Love is one of the most important,
most vital parts of life; and it is to be found everywhere.
‘The Great Wagon’, the poem we just heard an extract from, is also about love. It
is about how love transcends rights, wrongs, and other worldly things such
as language or ideas. It is about finding and loving one another as well as yourself.
In this video, there will be a focus on loving yourself, especially, since self-love is one
of the most important things to do for your health and well-being, as well as an important
basis for your relationships with others. In the words of Rumi: ‘ Go find yourself first,
so you can also find me.’ So join me as we learn how to find yourself,
and then love what you find, according to the practices and poetry of Rumi.
Get To Know Yourself
Rumi says “The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you. Don’t go back to sleep.”
Never, ever forget about the breeze at dawn. Carry this phrase with you for the rest of your life.
The very first step to improve and love yourself, is to get to know yourself; you can’t work on
what you don’t know so resist the urge to ‘go to sleep’ and turn a blind eye to who you truly are,
and instead, reflect. Introspection and reflection is a key ingredient to finding who you are. This
can be done through prayer, meditation, journaling, or just taking the time out
of your day to sit down and think about you, your life, your personality, and your relationships.
You cannot love what you don’t know, so get to know yourself - truly and intimately.
But, even more so than reflection, the other way to get to know yourself according to Rumi
is by practicing moderation towards your worldly desires. Moderation is a practice of balance. In
order to try and achieve this balance for yourself, try not to give into your worldly
urges. Do not buy yourself that item you don’t need, do not stop at a fast food drive through,
and put your phone away in the evening and go to sleep early. By abstaining from worldly pleasures,
you abstain from distractions, and instead allow your mind to truly dive deep into itself.
In our modern day and age, distractions and temptations are everywhere. We are more blind
to our true selves than ever before, and it takes more effort to get to know who
we actually are than ever. By not getting swept up in the temptations of the world around you,
you will realize that your mind will be much clearer. Your focus,
your actions, and your ability to reflect will increase drastically.
Consumerism, the internet, and our jobs often mask our true selves; we have to put on a mask just in
order to engage with all of it. When you practice moderation, you refuse worldly distractions, your
need to mask yourself or act any differently than you already are, will disappear. And when it does,
you will see yourself much clearer than you ever have. You will be able to truly know - and
learn to love - yourself.. So concentrate, reflect, and don’t let yourself be distracted.
Forgive Yourself According to Rumi
“Love is an endless act of forgiveness. Forgiveness is an endless act of love.”
One of the main reasons people hate themselves is because they dislike
themselves. And one of the main reasons people dislike themselves is because they recognize
their own flaws but do not forgive themselves for it. According to Rumi,
you do not truly love yourself if you do not forgive yourself for the mistakes you’ve made.
He stressed that one of the most important tasks of self-care is to let yourself grow and improve.
When you do not, you foster self-hate. When you do, you prove to yourself that you are
worth the effort it takes to improve, and that you are worth loving. As Rumi said,
“Be like a tree and let the dead leaves drop.” But dropping dead leaves can only be done if
you acknowledge and forgive the leaves first. This is because whatever you do not forgive, you carry
with you in hatred and stubbornness. In order to let something go, you have to first forgive it.
The reason a lot of people don’t forgive themselves varies. Some people don’t even realize
their mistakes, or refuse to see their actions as a mistake. These people think they’re flawless.
This might seem like an extreme form of self-love,
but according to Rumi’s philosophy, it is not love at all. Love cannot be found in denial. In fact,
the people that are in denial about themselves naturally do not love themselves enough to get
to know their true selves, or the person they think they love is not actually who
they are. Selfishness, in this sense, is blinding - and the antithesis of love.
For many of us, the first step to forgiveness is realization: You have to realize you’ve
made mistakes. You have to listen to the feedback you get from others in your life
and critically examine your own behavior. How have you made others feel? How have you
failed the people in your life, or yourself? What would count as a mistake in your eyes?
Confronting your mistakes requires a lot of bravery. People who are unhappy with
themselves find it the hardest to confront their mistakes, because doing so feeds their
self-hatred. As a result, doing so with grace is an amazing first step to self-love. When
you do recognize your mistakes, you should be careful not to judge yourself. Remember the line:
‘Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I’ll meet you there.’ Meet
yourself in that field. When you think of your mistakes, think of what caused
you to make them, and what you could do in the future to avoid them. Focus on the
practicality of confronting your mistakes, rather than the emotional aspect of them.
When you have confidence in your ability to do better next time,
you will find that you have forgiven yourself. This is because the person you have become - the
one who no longer will makes those mistakes, the one who has grown and is better now - is
lovable. Forgiving yourself is a gift that allows you to rest. When you truly want to love yourself,
you have to learn how to look at the uglier sides of yourself and forgive them.
Focus On Good Friendships
In the words of Rumi “Set your life on fire. Seek those who fan your flames.”
One of the best ways Rumi has showcased love in his own life, was by loving Shams.
Shams of Tabriz was a nomad who traveled from place to place to spread his spiritual
teachings. When he was in his 60s - and Rumi was in his 30s - he and Rumi met.
According to the famous stories about Rumi and Shams, one day while Rumi was
reading near a pool, Shams passed by and asked, ‘What are you doing?’
Rumi said: ‘Something you cannot understand.’
Shams then approached him and - shockingly - threw
all of Rumi’s books into the pool. Rumi immediately jumped up to fish
them out of the water and when he did so, he found all of his books were dry.
‘How is this possible?’ Rumi asked.
‘Something you cannot understand,’ Shams said.
And with that, a friendship was born.
Now, whether this truly happened is up for debate but what is true about this story is
that Rumi and Shams taught each other a lot about things they did not understand before. When Rumi
and Shams first met, they were so enthralled with each other that they spent two years in
solitude together. While this is not very long in regards to a lifetime, it was more
than enough to change each other permanently - spiritually, mentally, and poetically. They
taught each other about love, faith, hope, and friendship, and inspired each other’s
poems and teachings immensely. The moral of this beautiful relationship between the two men tells
us that those who truly love themselves surround themselves with people who encourage that love.
A big mistake many people make is keeping toxic people around
and putting effort into friendships that are not rewarding or caring.
Friends who don’t truly love you have a big impact on your self-love, and someone who
truly loves themselves typically would ensure that they craft a healthy environment for themselves.
A particularly important step in self-improvement is discovering whether you actually enjoy your
current friendships or not. Two good questions to ask yourself in order to do so are:
‘How do I feel around this friend?’ and ‘Do I like the way I act when I’m around this friend?’
When you identify bad friends, you should allow yourself to slowly and gently step
away from them. More so, when you identify good friends, focus on putting effort and care
into that friendship. Make sure to let them know how important they are to you and why;
and of course, do your best to support them, too.
Your closest and best friends love you. By feeling and experiencing their love for you,
you might also learn to love yourself better, following their example.
Be Vulnerable To quote Rumi “Your task is not to seek for love,
but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”
Most people try their hardest not to appear vulnerable to the outside world. Think of
phrases like ‘boys don’t cry,’ or ‘man up.’ Think of how people hide their emotional or mental pain
from others, even their friends, family and partners. When it comes to a painful past or
mental health struggles, we often don’t want to share any of it. We want to hide it deep down
and present ourselves in a good, strong light. But keeping pain to yourself only allows it to
fester. When pain goes ignored and unaddressed, it grows: and thus makes you even more miserable.
But not only does denying vulnerability make you unhappy, it also blocks your
ability to love yourself. If you love someone, you’d want them to
grow and heal. By denying yourself the same sympathy, you deny yourself love.
It is a vicious circle: people who do not love themselves deny themselves
remedies to their pain. And people that are in pain often do not know how to love
themselves. So how does one break out of this cycle? By embracing vulnerability.
The very first step of both self-love and treating your pain is by acknowledging it.
Take the time out of your day to sit down and ask yourself, ‘Am I hurting?’
Think of the things that scare you, of painful memories, of your fears and of your dislikes,
and try to discover where all of these traits come from. If you’ve had your heart broken in the past,
you might be afraid to open up to a new partner; or if you’ve been considered to be ‘annoying’ by
past friends, you might avoid engaging in conversations with strangers or friends in
the future. When you find your fears and pain, you find what it is exactly that
you need to do in order to grow: in which aspects you need to be vulnerable.
Vulnerability can be understood as putting yourself in a position where
you can get hurt. Past hurts make you want to avoid any possible future pain,
but doing so is harmful in and of itself. Instead, if you teach yourself how to treat your wounds,
you won’t be afraid of getting hurt more often. So be vulnerable: allow yourself
to feel self-conscious, do what scares you, and do it because you love yourself. When you allow
yourself to be vulnerable, you tell yourself that you deserve the best possible outcomes.
Love requires vulnerability. Rumi stresses that every pain and all sorrow has meaning:
from the very worst agony you will learn lessons, and because of the
darkest moments you will appreciate the light even more. As Rumi so eloquently put
it: ‘The wound is the place where the Light enters you.’ When you
allow yourself to be in pain every now and then, you will also allow yourself to heal.
Embrace Your Passions
Rumi tells us "When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy."
Loving yourself means allowing yourself to pursue what makes you happy. Most people choose safety.
We might not do the work that we enjoy, but it pays well enough. We might not move to the country
of our dreams because we’re afraid of change. We might not want to try out that thing we’ve always
wanted to try, because what if we fail? Self-doubt and fear is the main ingredient to misery.
Rumi, however, stressed that one of the goals of life is to find joy. It doesn't matter where or
how you find this joy, but one thing is clear: it cannot be found if you do not listen to your
heart and allow yourself to take risks. Rumi believed in following your heart. Deep down,
you know what it is that you truly want and what would make you happy.
It is our brains - our fearful, doubtful brains - that take the reins and steer away from the
path our hearts would want us to take. Following your heart is what makes your life worth living,
what allows you to love the world, and what allows you to love yourself.
Think of a close friend, family member, or your partner. You love them, right? And so you
want them to be happy. So if they expressed that they knew what would make them happy, you would
encourage them to do it, wouldn’t you? We often do not consider ourselves to be a friend or loved
one, though, and so we don’t grant ourselves the same grace and support that we do other people.
People tend to think of themselves as someone who deserves less, or who is not as able as others,
or who is just not worth the effort. To that, Rumi said: "Stop acting so small. You are the universe
in ecstatic motion." One of the most effective ways to realize that you, too, are allowed to
follow your passions - and to find the motivation to do so - is by reflecting on your existence.
Think of how unique and special it is for you to even exist. Of all things that could have been in
the universe, there you are: the unique, conscious result of an unimaginable number of coincidences,
in a seemingly infinite universe. You have a mind, body and soul that have never been fully explained
by science. You’re a miracle in your own right! By reflection on how unique and odd your existence
is, you might realize that you should not waste what you have been granted by the universe.
Somehow, you have the ability to do whatever you want, and you have the will to want whatever you
want. You have to learn to appreciate and love this fact, and then… Do something with it!
Another way in which many people deny themselves their passions and dreams
is by following the herd. If you walk the path many have walked before you - or the
path that others expect you to take - you do yourself a disservice. About this, Rumi said:
“Do not be satisfied with the stories that come before you. Unfold your own myth.” Your
life is worth living in its own unique way. You are not merely part of a larger story,
or a side-character in someone else’s: you get to make your own. When you realize how unique you
are, you will also realize what it is you truly want. Then, if you allow yourself to pursue it,
you will find that you’re happier than ever and that happiness is self-love.
Love The Divine Rumi once wrote “Be
certain that in the religion of Love there are no believers and unbelievers. Love embraces all.”
David once asked God, ‘Why did you create the universe?’
And God said, ‘I was a hidden treasure;
I loved to be known. Hence I created the world so that I would be known.’
Sufism as a whole is extremely focused on connecting with the divine through the act
of loving. And according to Rumi, who often told the story about David and God, everything in the
world was created by God in order to be recognized and loved. Everything. When you manage to love
everything, you will feel divine love. Divine love, as opposed to ‘human love’, is selfless,
unconditional, and all-encompassing. It does not care about who, where, when,
and how. It only cares about love. It’s more a way of loving, rather than something to love.
When you allow yourself to see, invite, and love the divine, you will know everything you need to
know about love. Now, there is no formula that can help you orchestrate a divine encounter - it
happens randomly, everywhere, all the time. The trick, then, is not trying to force it to happen,
but to recognize it when it does. You do so by recognizing God. Not as a man in the sky,
or some invisible consciousness, but as the universe itself. Indeed, Rumi says,
“Everything that is made beautiful and fair and lovely is made for the eye of one who sees.” Do
not get tangled up in logic and semantics when trying to experience unconditional,
all-encompassing love; just feel it. Divine love can be seen in a warm ray of sunlight
landing on your face, in a beautiful bird flying through the sky, in the loving smile
of a friend, in a stranger helping you out just to be helpful, and so much more.
Divine love is for everyone regardless of the past. When you recognize divine love everywhere,
your love can never fade or die. As Rumi says, ‘Goodbyes are only for those who love with their
eyes. Because for those who love with heart and soul there is no such thing as separation.’
Divine love will make you realize that love
cannot be captured in images or words; it is something alive.
7. Be In Love In our final quote
for this video, Rumi says ‘Wherever you are, and whatever you do, be in love.’
Lastly, never forget to be in love all the time.
According to Rumi, love goes beyond time, place, borders, language, and understanding. Love
transcends. And, what’s more, there is love to be found everywhere: in yourself, in others around
you, in your life, in the world, and everything else. Your heart is full of the ability to love,
and all you have to do to live your life to the fullest is to actually go out and love the world;
On the same subject, Rumi also said, ‘Love is the bridge between you and everything.’
Love is the greatest motivation. When you love something, you are excited to engage with it,
to put effort into it, and to seek it out. This is the case for friends, family, work,
hobbies, and almost anything you can think of. In the same way, love is a key to happiness:
when you find more and more things to love, you have more and more reasons to be happy.
Lastly, love is a practice. It’s like training a muscle: we human beings were made to love,
but we have to train in order to truly learn how to master it. You train loving
by recognizing love everywhere; the divine love, the love your friends
and family have for you, the love you have for your hobbies, your pets, your hometown,
and all the beauty in the world. If you remind yourself of the existence of love often,
and remind yourself of the things you love, love will become accessible and open. Do so
by saying it out loud: ‘My friends love me’ or ‘I love my mum’, also by writing it down,
or just by thinking it. Often. The more you embrace your love for the world and anything
in it, the easier it will be to love yourself. So wherever you are, and whatever you do, be in love.
If you enjoyed this video, please make sure to check out our full philosophies
for life playlist and for more videos to help you find success and happiness using
beautiful philosophical wisdom, don’t forget to subscribe. Thanks so much for watching.