Lao Tzu says “New beginnings are often disguised as painful endings”.

Letting go of pain or trauma is easier said than done. Nobody carries it for fun,

and it is not a physical entity that we can indeed choose to put down and move on from. Instead,

we have to learn how to deal with pain in order to be able to let it go. For most people, although we

carry our pain, we feel too fragile to even face it. It bothers us, but we dare not confront it.

For example, imagine someone who was mistreated by their parents while growing up, and now they

hate themselves, and thus continue to seek the company of others to keep them feeling loved and

wanted just in order to be able to ignore the fact that they do not love themselves.

As soon as they sit alone at home, the sadness and grief hits them,

thus they continue to find ways to be around people, and in doing so may pick up some unwanted

habits. We tend to avoid our pain and troubles. And by doing so, they always haunt us back.

Taoism tells us that, instead of pushing it away,

we have to let our pain be in order to let it go. We need to acknowledge and confront it,

and then learn how to deal with it. Avoiding our pain is like clinging onto a rock in a

river trying to take us forward - we use all of our strength to stay exactly where we are,

afraid to go on. However, if we could just let go and let the stream take us,

we feel we can relax. The trip might be scary, new or confronting, but it will eventually be less

difficult and more rewarding. So, when we feel our pain or troubles announce themselves to us,

we should not ignore it but instead acknowledge it. Ask yourself: what am I feeling and why

am I feeling this way? Only by answering those questions can you find the antidote to your pain.

The person who needs constant reassurance and love from others has to learn how to be alone and

enjoy their own company. This will be hard, but by ceasing to find constant distractions in others,

they might start to pick hobbies like reading or painting that will allow them to enjoy themselves

for who they are or get to know and appreciate their own insights instead of the insights of

others. Only by letting our emotions about the past be, can we eventually let the past

go. This will bring us the rest and freedom needed to live our lives to the fullest.