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Transcript for Wild Wisdom and Sacred Cycles: Conscious Love with Monica Douglas

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Hello, everybody! I'm here today with a magnificent woman.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: She's speaking to us from the City of Love in Paris.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: She's a good friend of mine. She has homes in Barbados and the Uk. And travels freely across the globe.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Absolute delight to have her here. She's Monica Douglas, and she's going to talk about the power of ritual to enhance our relationship.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Welcome, Monica.

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: Oh, thank you, Heather, it's wonderful to be here with you.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Lovely. Let me tell you a bit about Monica first.st She is a trained and certified spirit-led relationship coach. She's an interfaith minister and founder of the wild wisdom of relationships, framework

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: with over 25 years experience. She supports heart-led individuals and coaches to heal from heartbreak

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: to reset their relationships and thrive in love.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: She draws from her own experience of thriving in love. After the end of a 27 year relationship

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: she blends the wild wisdom, conscious uncoupling and calling in the one. Coaching programs, oracle cards, retreats, and deep spiritual practices to help her clients deepen intuition, develop insight, and create soulful, authentic connections with their true loves and others.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Beautiful!

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Welcome, welcome.

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: Oh, thank you, Heather, it's such a joy to be with you, and to be beaming the love from Paris. It's a a joy I'm really looking forward to our conversation today.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Me, too. So let's let's talk 1st about wild wisdom, of relationships.

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: Yeah.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: This. This is a lovely new development in the last 5 years from you, and I've watched evolve, and it's magnificent. How did you come across that. And what's your personal story that really shapes that vision.

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: Yeah, okay, so the world wisdom. This emerged for me. Actually, during our period of lockdown.

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: And

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: it feels like there's a synthesis, a synergy of all that I'd learned up until that point, and I had a real download about. We need

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: ways to anchor the ups and downs of daily life, in everyday ritual

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: and ways, to be comfortable and happy in our body, in our hearts, in our minds, in our soul, and in our wider environment.

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: So that's the the energy of the wild wisdom that's been bubbling up over this last last 5 years.

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: The informing energy of this being about

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: our relationship with ourselves, with others and with life itself, has come through my own journey. So there was a time

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: when I woke up, and I realized that

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: the life that I was living in the relationship that I had with my husband and my family and my work. It was just not

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: in alignment with who I knew myself to be.

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: It was a a moment that came after some deep reflection about my life. My body had

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: I've been through some serious health challenges and various moments all came together for an awakening.

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: and in the awakening it was like something has to change.

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: And on the surface things looked okay.

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: But deep down I know

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: something's got to change. And I went on a journey of training and discovery. One of the

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: the things that I've been.

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: I'd been trained as an interfaith minister. I'd run very successful businesses. I'd traveled.

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: I had great friends. Things, as I said, looked great on the surface. But it was like, Oh.

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: I'd gone through various iterations of relationship. It's the ups and downs, the seasons and the cycles. And it was like, no, this, this is actually a completion. You're in a completion phase, and it's really important to embrace this completion phase in order for it to evolve into something new, and there was a lot of soul searching and study and

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: connection that I needed to do. I trained as a relationship coach. I drew on my own

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: spiritual practices

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: in order to get me through what was what some people would call as a dark night of the soul.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Hmm.

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: And it meant me reassessing my primary relationship with my husband, which is a longstanding

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: relationship from when when I was in my teens

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: which was so difficult. And I was like, how do I do this? How do I do this in a way that causes minimal harm to him and to me and our extended families, because everything was so intertwined.

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: And that's when I found Catherine's work

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: in terms of conscious uncoupling, and I read the book. And I I thought I would.

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: Oh, I'd I'd really want to find a way of evolving this relationship.

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: And

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: the evolution of the relationship happened. It wasn't seamless, or as super fairytaly as I would have liked, but it was effective, because in in the end it made me think, how am I showing up.

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: What do I want to need to do? To make sure that relationships can evolve

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: into a form where not where the good stuff isn't lost? Because this was really important for me.

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: I grown up with this man.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Hmm.

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: And

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: through using the tools and the techniques that I had learned, and through courageous conversations and through considering the community around me

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: and the people most effective, affected by my shift.

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: we're able to move through it and navigate it to a place where we can now be in relationship. I just had my 50th

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: birthday.

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: and I was able to invite my former husband to be there and be there with my family, all of whom love and

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: respect him, and he's played a part. So it was like wasn't easy, but it was useful

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: to have gone through that journey.

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: So

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: that's that was happening and what I was thinking, what has carried me through, what has carried me through? It's been actually the everyday rituals that I've been doing for my body, for my heart, for my mind, for my soul, for my environment, to enable me to evolve and to shift into relationship

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: in a different way.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Hmm.

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: And that's why the wild wisdom of relationships come into being, a sort of joining of ritual, of

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: relationship and

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: a creation of something that, I think, pulls together lots of different traditions, very much a synergistic approach.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Hmm!

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: That's lovely. That's really lovely.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: I just want to ask you a bit. Can you say what your life is like now? Because I know, but maybe everybody else doesn't.

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: So I'm doing all right. Heather. I feel like

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: I am in a season of

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: of potential and bright energy. I've gone through my health challenges. I've done what I've needed to do in order to restore the wholeness of my body.

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: So I'm feeling strong. I'm feeling vibrant. I'm I feel like this new season is gonna be incredible physically.

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: in terms of relationships. I went through a period of delightful dating where, after really feeling like I'd completed

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: my former relationship, I decided to allow myself to open up to love again.

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: And in that journey I've met my beloved

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: who is one of the reasons why I'm in Paris right now.

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: And we're building a relationship which honors the truth of who both of us are now.

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: And we've come very much into relationship with that that consciousness and that awareness. And it's beautiful. I feel very blossoming in the heart. I have also set in train

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: shifts in my relationships with my family and my friends, and my wider community and clients, so that they are now in alignment with who I am.

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: and that has meant the closure of some relationships. It's also meant the evolution of some relationships that I've been neglecting into closer, even more beautiful relationships than I had before.

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: and in my mind. There's a real clarity about what I'm here for.

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: I'm here to support myself and others to develop more loving, aligned conscious relationships in the world.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Man.

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: Yeah.

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: and and and essentially level of soul and spirit is about listening very much. I'm listening for deep guidance, real clarity, developing a sense of

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: being supported, guided, and present to what's needed in this moment.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: That's really beautiful. As you're speaking. I'm getting images of gardens. You've cleared the ground. You've kept the pieces that you really wanted. You know the plants that really float your boat.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: and you've nurtured them. You've given them the the good stuff.

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: And.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Pulled out the weeds

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: and giving them a chance if if they looked like they could be nice, but actually got rid of what really does not fit.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: and planted a whole new ground, whole new garden.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: And here we are in the rose season, and I'm just. I just got a picture of a big rose garden with blousy pink and red flowers.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: just.

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: Yeah, we we can have those very fragrant, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. I'm with you.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Blank.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Yeah. So tell us how the wild wisdom fits into all of this, because that that's a really important thing. I think.

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: Yeah. So you know, in your introduction, we talked about the importance of ritual

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: for relationships. So the wild wisdom essentially is a

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: a methodology actually for acknowledging. And it's great that you use the metaphor of the garden acknowledging the wildness of us, the the physical

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: messy vibrant, wanting to express itself sides of us.

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: the material really, and the wisdom, the essence of of life and spirit.

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: and bringing those 2 together. And what the wild wisdom does is provide a space to explore that.

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: to explore the wild wisdom of you and me and the world around us.

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: And, as I was saying, it came through to me

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: during the time of lockdown, because actually I had the space and the time to sit

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: and to hear and to explore, and to observe what was going on around.

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: And I I got a very clear picture that

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: whatever approach I was taking needed to be holistic, integrated synergistic approach, that pull together body.

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: heart, mind, soul, and environment, and and that was informed actually by

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: the reach perch, which is a system and a

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: a support to me, and has been for the last

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: well, 2027 years, 20 no, 25 years, 25 years! It's been a support to me

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: in that. This is all about bringing synergy into the world. It's about saying nobody by themselves can resolve this. We're part of the solution. But we aren't the solution.

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: So it's like, how do we look at all the aspects and of who we are and recognize that

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: all of us matters? We can't just work in the mind. So you know, I know many of us have got a background in therapy and psychotherapy, and how how we work at this from a mind level. But if we ignore the fact that the body's not sleeping enough.

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: if we ignore the fact that actually relationships are off.

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: if we ignore the fact that we've not got a sense of meaning and purpose.

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: Then whatever we do at the level of the mind can't embed in our life.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: No, there's no integration.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Floating heads on a pair of legs.

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: Yeah.

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: And we've all experienced what that's like. Right?

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Unfocused. Yeah.

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: Exactly it's very hard to

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: to apply when it's it's all about. This is what I know. It's only when we apply, we take action, and we bring it into the physical that we can actually get the growth

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: that we want.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Yes, and I remember very clearly when we did the retreat together for all of the European and beyond coaches, that it was absolutely lovely that you brought music and dance

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: in a way that I've never experienced before, which was really joyful and grounding and opening up.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Have that you really have that as a great strength

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: really to be able to bring things alive.

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: Yeah, thank you. Heather. I appreciate that.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: So tell us more about the cards, and how they play a role in supporting people's healing and growth.

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: Yeah, sure. So I mean, I'll show you I've got them here. So we have these wild wisdom oracle cards, and

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: there are 4 houses, within it

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: the body, wild body, wisdom, wild heart, wisdom, wild mind, wisdom, wild soul, wisdom. And there's a piece underneath it which is about our environment and fits very much with the relationships that we have.

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: One of the ways of using these, we have a healing circle. And in the healing circle. We use these as anchors as reminders for us to take action, to, to do a simple ritual, a simple 5 min meditation, and then to actually go out in the world and take action from what we've

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: received.

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: And it's incredibly simple. And people be like, does that really make a difference? And the the evidence is over, the the years that we've been working with that the fact that we've got an anchor say this one. We are peace, and I don't know if you can see that heather. I can't see me on the screen.

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: Yes, just about just about okay, right? So we are peace. So there's a 5 min meditation

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: like the level of soul.

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: Could it be true that we, me, you all of us adorescence, could be peace?

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: Is it possible?

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: So the meditation is about exploring that.

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: thinking of all the people that have ever looked at that card, all the people who are looking at it with us right now or energetically receiving it, and anybody who looks at it in the future.

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: So it brings us automatically into a sense of connection and community. There's an an epidemic of loneliness.

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: But what this practice is about is about connecting us with others that

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: we can actually actually experience that connection. I can experience that connection with you right now.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Hmm.

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: And I'm experiencing a connection with those listeners that are going to or watchers on Youtube who are going to be with us. And in this moment we're together. We're connected. We needn't feel lonely.

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: And we could be pieced together.

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: So we do this. And then we get a sense of okay, if we are peace.

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: what does being peaceful mean to me?

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: What am I being called to do

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: in the world that reflects this peacefulness in me?

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: And what could I do today.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Could I do it?

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: So it's a really simple, but it calls us into connection, and then it calls us into action.

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: And the change happens.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: It's really interesting, the imagery that you're creating of connection for me.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: I'm I'm seeing that you and I connected through this screen. But it's like we're together.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: and because our hearts are together, our spirits are together.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: And I feel that sort of radiance that can really touch other people.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: And and I hope anybody listening is feeling this right now.

00:19:42.470 → 00:19:49.329

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Oh, speaking personally, I'm really feeling for you. If you are one of those people that feels really lonely.

00:19:49.630 → 00:19:50.380

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: Yeah.

00:19:52.230 → 00:19:52.880

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Yeah.

00:19:53.870 → 00:19:58.860

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: And together we want to share our peace. I felt really peaceful as you were talking.

00:19:59.030 → 00:20:04.849

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: and I feel peaceful now, and that we're creating a sort of

00:20:05.170 → 00:20:11.089

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: crucible of of peace here, just talking about it and allowing it to be

00:20:11.440 → 00:20:14.009

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: between us and around us and

00:20:14.560 → 00:20:19.660

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: radiating out into the world it feels really lovely, feels really lovely.

00:20:20.340 → 00:20:24.979

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: Yeah, and that, and that it can be as simple as that.

00:20:25.190 → 00:20:33.830

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: because our our world, as it's set up right now, heather is about distracting us from

00:20:34.530 → 00:20:37.220

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: being connected to one another.

00:20:38.260 → 00:20:42.450

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: And personally, I know for myself, I need reminders.

00:20:43.460 → 00:20:50.109

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: and that's 1 of the ways. The wild wisdom is one of the ways. There are many ways in which people get reminders to be connected.

00:20:51.124 → 00:20:58.910

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: As I say, we are part of the solution, not the solution, and for those that

00:20:59.110 → 00:21:06.999

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: the wild wisdom speaks to, it's a real call to expressing real, deep care for ourselves

00:21:07.130 → 00:21:15.440

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: by giving ourselves 5 min to also express deep care for

00:21:15.890 → 00:21:21.380

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: our loved ones, those that are closest to us, but also for those in the world around us.

00:21:21.720 → 00:21:24.820

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: like a sense of connectedness, a sense of

00:21:27.440 → 00:21:34.540

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: of possibility that we could actually do something. There's a lot of really hard

00:21:36.480 → 00:21:40.009

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: aspects of the the world that we live in right now.

00:21:40.140 → 00:21:48.220

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: There's war, there's upset, there's there's pain, and

00:21:49.730 → 00:21:58.490

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: I think you know one of the things I'm a interfaith minister, and what that means is that I hold spaces for people of any faith or none to

00:21:58.770 → 00:22:05.430

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: connect to themselves and to the Spirit or God of their understanding, and

00:22:06.320 → 00:22:11.409

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: for people who are established, and in their own tradition they have ways

00:22:12.130 → 00:22:28.829

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: of managing the ups and downs of life, but for those that don't, or maybe they don't fit totally within the mores of the tradition they've been brought up with. It can be really challenging to find pathways that feel aligned and authentic.

00:22:29.120 → 00:22:35.749

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: to to cope with the ups and downs of life, with the changes in our relationships, the seasons of our relationships

00:22:35.880 → 00:22:44.879

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: to what I'm really passionate about is providing a space for people to find ways that suit them.

00:22:45.270 → 00:22:45.970

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Hmm.

00:22:45.970 → 00:22:53.340

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: That work for them that enable them to be the best they can be in the world, with their

00:22:53.470 → 00:22:56.110

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: gifts, their talents, their uniqueness.

00:22:58.180 → 00:23:01.920

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: It's beautiful, it's really beautiful.

00:23:02.460 → 00:23:05.250

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: So it's really fulfillment.

00:23:06.560 → 00:23:09.369

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Living in alignment with your purpose

00:23:10.830 → 00:23:18.040

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: diving deep, I think, to really discover your purpose and giving the gifts that you came here to give.

00:23:18.410 → 00:23:18.950

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: Yeah.

00:23:19.200 → 00:23:19.830

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Yeah.

00:23:19.990 → 00:23:27.790

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: because I think so many of us and myself included, comes and goes, you know, lose the sense of what my purpose is.

00:23:28.220 → 00:23:33.150

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: And yet I'm I'm still putting one foot in front of the other and living it.

00:23:33.360 → 00:23:37.870

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: And then I come back to saying, Oh, this is my path, then. Yeah.

00:23:38.250 → 00:23:43.410

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: Yeah. And I, I I believe that we grow.

00:23:44.090 → 00:23:49.020

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: And our concept of what we're here for can shift as we grow

00:23:49.520 → 00:23:52.279

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: because we don't know what we don't know. Heather.

00:23:52.630 → 00:23:53.600

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: And.

00:23:53.780 → 00:23:58.160

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: Our ability to see our gifts.

00:23:58.350 → 00:24:07.519

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: and to have the courage to act on those gifts, shifts, and change as we evolve. As our relationships change.

00:24:09.496 → 00:24:11.569

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: So that's 1 of the things that

00:24:12.320 → 00:24:19.229

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: that I I think is really important is to see the seasons of relationship. You know, it's like there's that

00:24:20.610 → 00:24:42.129

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: there's a there's a time of potential, isn't there, that? And you could use the seasons. There's that springtime energy. There's potential there, there's soft shoots. It's it's all exciting. You don't really know what's gonna happen. It moves into the summer and things blossom, and you see them. And and then there's a kind of oh, they've just gone over to seed. Something has shifted.

00:24:43.340 → 00:24:48.030

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: We need to decide. Are we going to plant again? Are we going to uproot these? Put them in the compost.

00:24:49.710 → 00:24:54.259

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: And then it shifts into the the winter phase

00:24:55.590 → 00:24:59.840

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: and the winter phase. It does. It's like we're clearing the ground.

00:25:01.210 → 00:25:03.859

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: We have to decide.

00:25:04.030 → 00:25:07.739

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: We're planting seeds for something, but you can't see what's going to happen

00:25:08.130 → 00:25:16.110

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: until the spring starts again. And if we really thought about our relationships in that way we we might

00:25:16.290 → 00:25:20.329

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: have more compassion for ourselves and others when the season ends.

00:25:22.790 → 00:25:25.680

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: When the tough times are there? And you think.

00:25:25.790 → 00:25:30.470

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: God, what's it? What's in this for me? What's in this verse? What are we creating.

00:25:30.470 → 00:25:40.869

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: Yeah, what is this? Right now? Yeah. And so, and and and also more vigilance. When the new

00:25:41.140 → 00:25:44.670

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: seeds start to sprout, it's like, actually is that

00:25:45.000 → 00:25:48.540

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: is that something that I need to keep growing? Or is it a weed that needs to be.

00:25:49.730 → 00:25:50.240

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Yeah.

00:25:50.510 → 00:25:53.369

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: Lovingly let go of right.

00:25:53.370 → 00:25:54.100

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Yes.

00:25:56.800 → 00:25:59.950

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: And I, I feel like cyclical living.

00:26:00.070 → 00:26:11.480

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: putting rituals in place so that we're noticing what's happening can really facilitate our yeah. A navigating of life.

00:26:12.210 → 00:26:14.870

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Hmm lovely, lovely.

00:26:15.050 → 00:26:15.680

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: Yeah.

00:26:16.150 → 00:26:23.729

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Oh, so how did instinct and intuition show up in your work with your clients? How can somebody really strengthen theirs?

00:26:24.150 → 00:26:26.969

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: Okay. So this for me is also about practice.

00:26:27.610 → 00:26:30.290

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: So one of the things that I think's

00:26:31.500 → 00:26:38.410

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: really powerful is for us to understand our capacity. So we're

00:26:38.700 → 00:26:48.570

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: our capacity to be me for instinct to be in our bodies, to know what feels.

00:26:49.960 → 00:26:57.370

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: what feels good, what doesn't to recognize that sometimes our

00:26:58.290 → 00:27:23.800

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: our instinctual response is coming from fear and not actually from connectedness, because sometimes our away from isn't a true away from what's here. Actually, it's it's our fear driving us to to move away. And it's only with deep practice. And then the integration of actually heart and mind and body.

00:27:24.430 → 00:27:29.979

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: not just, I'm going to go with my gut feeling. But actually, how about I?

00:27:30.450 → 00:27:36.551

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: How about I listen for guidance? How about I seek guidance on the things that I don't know

00:27:37.560 → 00:27:42.639

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: how about. I give myself a moment to to think as well.

00:27:43.410 → 00:27:47.949

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: How about how about I listen for

00:27:48.110 → 00:27:54.300

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: what is in alignment with my sole purpose, my meaning.

00:27:54.600 → 00:27:55.290

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Me.

00:27:55.930 → 00:27:58.070

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Yes, your values.

00:27:58.300 → 00:27:59.430

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: Yeah.

00:27:59.430 → 00:28:00.250

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Yeah.

00:28:00.490 → 00:28:06.530

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: But we need to give ourselves time to do that and practice our capacity

00:28:08.180 → 00:28:16.279

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: and recognize. This is why it's good to work with a coach or with a community is, it's it's

00:28:16.710 → 00:28:22.090

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: honing our skill set and giving us an opportunity to

00:28:22.670 → 00:28:27.850

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: be aware of what our instinct instinctual approach is to

00:28:28.500 → 00:28:32.569

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: develop our capacity for intuition and inspiration and insight.

00:28:32.950 → 00:28:37.140

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Yeah, I also think there's something really important

00:28:37.530 → 00:28:46.790

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: about having a loving presence, because I don't think we can fundamentally change without it. We might change our minds.

00:28:46.790 → 00:28:47.670

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: Yeah.

00:28:47.670 → 00:28:49.899

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: But we won't change our heart and souls.

00:28:50.120 → 00:28:50.800

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: And.

00:28:50.800 → 00:28:55.670

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: If that if we're not safe enough to really express.

00:28:55.670 → 00:28:56.350

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: Yeah.

00:28:56.350 → 00:29:00.850

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Journaling, for instance, is, is really a very powerful tool.

00:29:01.020 → 00:29:01.610

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: Yeah.

00:29:02.480 → 00:29:13.040

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: It can bring awareness, but it can't necessarily help you make a shift without the support of a community or a coach around you. That gives you that sort of

00:29:13.711 → 00:29:20.030

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: I don't know. Wind under your wings or holding your hand. However, you want to call it.

00:29:20.450 → 00:29:24.645

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: Yeah, I think your call to safety is

00:29:26.800 → 00:29:34.619

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: yeah, is is really important heather. Because this this work requires us to have courage.

00:29:35.250 → 00:29:38.500

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: It requires us to feel safe enough.

00:29:39.540 → 00:29:46.279

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: It's not that will be absolutely safe, because there's a risk, you know. I think it.

00:29:47.698 → 00:29:53.660

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: You. You have it, don't you? I think that a nice nun quote about

00:29:53.990 → 00:29:56.280

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: having the courage to bloom

00:29:59.580 → 00:30:06.939

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: and for that to be compell, more compelling than our instinctual response to retract.

00:30:07.880 → 00:30:08.510

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Yeah.

00:30:09.910 → 00:30:10.700

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: And

00:30:13.220 → 00:30:22.240

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: being in safe spaces. So one of the one of the powers of ritual and ceremony is that it creates an environment.

00:30:23.580 → 00:30:30.209

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: It creates an environment in which you have the context, the structure to

00:30:30.360 → 00:30:35.659

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: foster the courage to take action. So what is what is a wedding about?

00:30:36.570 → 00:30:42.919

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: Right? A wedding is. I love this person. Oh, my gosh! I'm gonna

00:30:43.870 → 00:30:50.819

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: choose publicly to do this public ceremony, which is laden with rituals

00:30:51.240 → 00:31:00.359

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: to let people know I love this person and that I'm willing to take this next step, to expand into a deeper, loving relationship with them.

00:31:02.070 → 00:31:09.160

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: What on the converse end of this in terms of a conscious, uncoupling ceremony, for example.

00:31:10.240 → 00:31:13.509

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: So this is the courage to go.

00:31:13.760 → 00:31:22.580

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: Oh, this relationship has ended, and we want to honour that which was good

00:31:22.760 → 00:31:26.069

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: about what's been created as a result of this.

00:31:26.720 → 00:31:31.160

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: and we're going to do specific rituals to

00:31:31.290 → 00:31:36.430

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: to close the energy between us, to end it well.

00:31:37.080 → 00:31:39.610

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: so that we can both move forward

00:31:39.710 → 00:31:46.240

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: with the gifts and release that which needs to be let go of lovingly.

00:31:48.350 → 00:32:08.720

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Yeah, that's very beautiful. That's very graceful. So is there? If we think about in sequence, is there a simple ritual or practice of some kind that you could recommend to somebody who's in a stuck place in a relationship cycle to give them more insight and grounding and wisdom.

00:32:09.880 → 00:32:10.650

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: Sure.

00:32:11.370 → 00:32:14.270

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: So at its most simple.

00:32:15.050 → 00:32:21.300

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: The the most simple ritual you can do for yourself is to take time

00:32:21.740 → 00:32:31.869

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: to listen to you. Whether that's through taking a walk, whether that's through journaling, whether that's through meditation, whether that's through

00:32:34.580 → 00:32:39.859

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: initiating some form of coaching or something that enables you to make a

00:32:40.070 → 00:32:45.389

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: clear commitment to you that you want to.

00:32:45.720 → 00:32:47.639

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: You want to create a shift.

00:32:48.160 → 00:33:01.300

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: but it has to be a clear and consistent message, whatever it is, I'm going to do this for this period of time, so that I'm letting my myself know that I'm important.

00:33:01.430 → 00:33:08.130

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: And I want to shift this relationship. I'm stuck. So let me commit to myself.

00:33:08.720 → 00:33:09.650

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Hmm.

00:33:10.170 → 00:33:12.039

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: Okay, so I

00:33:12.430 → 00:33:25.885

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: I'm not recommending a thing per se. You know, this is one of the reasons why I did the the Wild wisdom. Oracle cards is because it's 1 way, but everybody will have their own way of doing it.

00:33:27.780 → 00:33:33.600

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: But the core thing is to make a commitment to yourself

00:33:34.800 → 00:33:40.929

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: that there's this thing that I'm going to do, which is saying to me that I love me.

00:33:41.330 → 00:33:47.899

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: and I want to use this time in order to shift whatever is stuck in me.

00:33:49.950 → 00:33:57.529

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Yes, I get that. So that's the the prior real prioritizing of yourself. Just just for a little while.

00:33:57.680 → 00:34:12.710

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Yeah, really, be that kind, loving presence to yourself. That is asking you what you're feeling, what you're needing, what is deeper wisdom inside you, what you could invite from outside any number of things.

00:34:12.909 → 00:34:16.299

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: Exactly. But the 1st step is that.

00:34:17.179 → 00:34:17.589

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Yeah.

00:34:17.590 → 00:34:21.009

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: It's like coming home coming home to you.

00:34:22.239 → 00:34:42.330

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: So a lot of the time in in our work as relationship coaches, a fracture outside of ourselves that that is disturbing us, or that we perceive as the disturbance. So if we come back to ourself, it's like, How am I in that? So there's the inner sanctuary practice, like you've just described in words of like listening.

00:34:43.350 → 00:34:44.989

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: What am I feeling?

00:34:46.542 → 00:34:56.230

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: What am I needing? Right? It's like? And then actually asking yourself the questions as though you're speaking to part of you that you can see. So what are you seeing?

00:34:56.350 → 00:35:00.150

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: What are you feeling? What are you needing? And it?

00:35:00.620 → 00:35:05.089

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: This can be enough sometimes for us to start to listen.

00:35:05.450 → 00:35:12.719

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: We've often got a craving heather for others to listen to us without recognizing that we're not listening to ourselves, anyway.

00:35:13.630 → 00:35:16.900

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Yeah, and for others to tell us.

00:35:17.360 → 00:35:17.960

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: Yeah.

00:35:17.960 → 00:35:19.650

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Know the truth of our heart.

00:35:19.650 → 00:35:20.450

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: No.

00:35:20.450 → 00:35:20.840

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Hmm.

00:35:20.840 → 00:35:23.610

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: One can hold this still enough for us to listen.

00:35:23.990 → 00:35:26.870

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: But essentially it's our own job to listen.

00:35:28.450 → 00:35:29.960

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Yeah, it's beautiful.

00:35:31.100 → 00:35:38.000

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: So let's talk about people who might be moving through breakup or some sort of transition.

00:35:40.000 → 00:35:44.860

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Let's talk about the misconceptions that people have about breakup and divorce.

00:35:46.560 → 00:35:48.129

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: How you heal from that.

00:35:49.860 → 00:35:55.710

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: Yeah, I I think again, it's like

00:35:56.290 → 00:36:04.130

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: recognizing that this is an inside job. It's not a job that anybody else is doing for us, and

00:36:04.970 → 00:36:10.109

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: and that this isn't linear, and grief is

00:36:10.480 → 00:36:16.860

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: is real, and it's cathartic, and it's helpful. So we don't have to run away from grief.

00:36:17.380 → 00:36:24.009

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: And however, that shows up in our lives when something ends, when there's a

00:36:25.949 → 00:36:29.719

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: yeah, when when something ends, when a relationship ends.

00:36:30.550 → 00:36:34.550

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: it's likely there will be a grieving process in order for us to

00:36:34.870 → 00:36:39.140

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: to process it and to manage it within our system.

00:36:40.470 → 00:36:50.087

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: And I think some of the misconceptions are one that it's easy to that time will heal it.

00:36:51.542 → 00:37:07.170

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: That it's in the hands of somebody else, and that that it it's a bad thing.

00:37:09.350 → 00:37:10.120

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Hmm.

00:37:11.410 → 00:37:20.240

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: And one of the things that I know for sure is that relationships.

00:37:20.470 → 00:37:34.129

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: I mean, I I like it. I, whether it's true or not actually is the season reason, purpose of a relationship. Right? So there's a you know, we've been bought into a happily ever after myth

00:37:34.280 → 00:37:46.400

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: in romantic relationships, but also in friendships. Right? It's like once you're a friend, you're a friend, for life can be absolutely devastating when a even more devastating than a romantic relationship. When a friend

00:37:46.650 → 00:37:52.159

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: ghosts or leaves us. I wrote about this recently because people

00:37:53.020 → 00:38:01.450

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: underestimate the power of friendship relationships, and how integral they are to our sense of self.

00:38:01.700 → 00:38:03.068

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Part of our community.

00:38:05.490 → 00:38:13.330

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: And are often surprised by the depth of grief that that they go through when a friendship ends.

00:38:13.720 → 00:38:14.310

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Hmm.

00:38:16.572 → 00:38:19.459

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: But it's because we've given our hearts.

00:38:21.650 → 00:38:22.330

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Hmm.

00:38:23.070 → 00:38:31.340

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: And it's painful when those connections are no longer there.

00:38:31.790 → 00:38:34.140

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Hmm, yes.

00:38:34.980 → 00:38:35.470

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Yeah.

00:38:38.260 → 00:38:41.330

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: So with those misconceptions, I think

00:38:41.480 → 00:38:54.629

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: the thing for us to consider is, let us make time to see where are the wounds?

00:38:55.590 → 00:38:57.990

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: Where are the emotions sitting in us?

00:38:58.620 → 00:39:00.199

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: How can we honour them?

00:39:00.570 → 00:39:07.219

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: How can we learn from this break? How can we make this ending into

00:39:08.420 → 00:39:17.809

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: an opportunity for us to open our hearts wider. We talk about the wounding to our hearts being the space where the heart can crack open, and then

00:39:17.950 → 00:39:20.260

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: capacity to love expands.

00:39:20.500 → 00:39:21.090

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Hmm.

00:39:22.080 → 00:39:24.230

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: So how about it could be that?

00:39:25.020 → 00:39:35.910

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: How about this ending could be the gateway to an expansion in our capacity to love ourselves and others, and the world around us.

00:39:36.540 → 00:39:37.350

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Hmm!

00:39:37.580 → 00:39:50.389

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: That was wonderful. Yes, I like that. And to be honest as well, you know, we're both conscious and coupling coaches, and I do see that by the time people get to the end

00:39:50.560 → 00:40:18.080

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: they're going to have a relationship with the next person who comes into their life that's entirely different because they're generally they've healed some of those wounds. They've realized where they were living from them that was replicating all patterns from childhood in their relationship. So, holding back on resentments, not communicating, not rocking the boat as we were chatting about before.

00:40:18.080 → 00:40:18.500

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: Okay.

00:40:18.500 → 00:40:21.489

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: You know, letting things just be the same.

00:40:21.650 → 00:40:31.650

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: And if you don't really connect with each other and risk anything, then you just replicate old patterns, and you get that isolation and loneliness.

00:40:31.650 → 00:40:32.370

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: Yeah.

00:40:32.370 → 00:40:34.650

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: But by the time they get to the end

00:40:34.830 → 00:40:39.969

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: they're really much more confident about being with themselves in the way that you're describing.

00:40:40.090 → 00:40:57.560

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: and can choose, then the next partner from knowing who they are and what their feelings and needs are, what their aspirations are, what their ambitions are, you know for relationship what their purpose is, and who is complementary to that, and who would be across current.

00:40:58.470 → 00:40:59.125

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: Exactly.

00:40:59.780 → 00:41:01.280

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Beautiful to see.

00:41:01.280 → 00:41:08.450

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: Yeah. And it's it's a a wonderful thing to see somebody move through that and to

00:41:08.600 → 00:41:13.570

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: claim their own capacity, to make good decisions.

00:41:14.400 → 00:41:24.010

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: to be confident and comfortable, to to be on their own actually, sometimes just to be like, Oh, actually.

00:41:24.190 → 00:41:28.150

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: I'm all right. I don't need to rush into a relationship.

00:41:28.790 → 00:41:35.020

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: I I'm I'm not I'm not missing something

00:41:35.240 → 00:41:39.310

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: I'm wanting to allow myself to be.

00:41:40.430 → 00:41:47.720

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: and then to welcome in. This is the other part of our work. Isn't it to be in a state of receptivity

00:41:47.830 → 00:41:58.380

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: and openness to the relationship or relationships that enable me to thrive.

00:41:58.690 → 00:42:06.680

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: that enable me to be myself that I start from a place of this is who I am, and I don't

00:42:07.510 → 00:42:10.010

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: diminished aspects of me

00:42:10.190 → 00:42:26.960

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: in order to make somebody else feel more comfortable I allow myself to be who I am in relationship in a way that enables someone to let them know whether they're for me or not, and enables me to know whether I'm for them or not.

00:42:27.490 → 00:42:32.809

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Yeah, yes, yes, that's very beautifully put.

00:42:33.620 → 00:42:39.000

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: So I think you've got a quiz, haven't you? Are you ready to date, quiz? Which is.

00:42:39.000 → 00:42:39.670

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: I do?

00:42:39.670 → 00:42:54.600

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: It's for when people are in that pregnant pause, yeah, they have come out of a former relationship. They really called in themselves, and they are wondering. Am I really ready to call in another love.

00:42:55.100 → 00:42:56.060

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: Yeah, absolutely.

00:42:56.990 → 00:43:03.750

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: It's so nice to be able to just do a very simple quiz. And then it pulls out. Okay, do?

00:43:03.900 → 00:43:11.559

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: Maybe there's a little bit I need to do. Maybe there's a little bit of work I need to do before I actually stop putting myself out there.

00:43:11.810 → 00:43:18.960

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: Maybe I am ready. But there's part of me that's this is my delightful dating piece, right? That

00:43:19.130 → 00:43:26.049

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: I haven't dated in 20 years. What do I do? The landscape has changed.

00:43:26.170 → 00:43:33.619

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: I don't really want to go on online dating, or maybe I could. But I don't know how to right this

00:43:33.780 → 00:43:38.650

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: this kind of like quandary of what to do, and

00:43:38.910 → 00:43:42.940

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: people take the quiz, and then they make a decision, and about

00:43:43.110 → 00:43:45.030

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: what they would want to do next.

00:43:46.660 → 00:43:49.010

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: And it may be that.

00:43:50.090 → 00:44:05.649

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: you know they I have a masterclass. They come it's like magnetic dating, but you do the you do the work on a profile, whether you choose to put it out there or not. It's some level. You've done the work. And you've

00:44:06.420 → 00:44:11.230

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: seen, okay, actually, there's part of me that's that's worried about this.

00:44:11.360 → 00:44:14.470

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: and you. You lay the worries to rest.

00:44:14.830 → 00:44:21.799

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: and it frees you up, and you may never go on online dating. But somehow you're just

00:44:22.120 → 00:44:33.320

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: allowing your unique fragrance to be out in the world in a different way, and you're more likely to bump into your beloved and for them to recognize you because you're allowing yourself to be open.

00:44:33.320 → 00:44:44.900

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Yes, absolutely, absolutely. You find your own way. But it's going. It's going through that. That little process that really helps you define

00:44:45.250 → 00:44:54.329

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: really helps you open up to. I get that that's beautiful, and it's a lovely thing that you do. It's quite a gift in the dating world. I think.

00:44:55.100 → 00:45:01.089

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: Yeah, it when it comes back to this ritual. So it's a ritual. You've done a ritual to

00:45:01.290 → 00:45:03.970

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: to make yourself ready.

00:45:05.390 → 00:45:11.979

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: Right and a ritual to make yourself ready, and you can then set up a little space. That reminds you that you're ready.

00:45:12.920 → 00:45:31.540

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: and that you've created your little space a little altar, perhaps, with the things that you're looking forward to when your beloved comes in, and you just start to feel better about your space at some level materially. It might be it might

00:45:31.670 → 00:45:34.929

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: look like nothing's changed, but everything's changed.

00:45:36.160 → 00:45:38.800

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Suddenly the space is open.

00:45:40.030 → 00:45:44.790

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: And you're living in a way where you're ready.

00:45:46.400 → 00:45:59.239

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Yeah, it's beautiful. It's beautiful. My my friend, who is doing calling in the one at the moment. She just has 2 little quartz hearts beside her bed, that she sort of kisses good night every night.

00:45:59.240 → 00:45:59.820

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: No.

00:45:59.820 → 00:46:04.279

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Holds her and centres her in that wish. In that intention.

00:46:04.700 → 00:46:08.120

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: There you go! So a very practical ritual, hey?

00:46:08.430 → 00:46:09.890

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: I've got 2

00:46:10.030 → 00:46:18.869

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: quartz hearts representing me, my beloved, and every night I'm just going to say, Oh, have a good night like it would be

00:46:19.020 → 00:46:22.280

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: like it will be when your beloved is next to you.

00:46:22.690 → 00:46:23.640

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Absolutely.

00:46:23.640 → 00:46:26.198

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: How lovely! I like that!

00:46:26.710 → 00:46:32.610

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: So sweet. So let's think about the sort of lumpy bits, really, how.

00:46:32.610 → 00:46:33.070

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: Bye, one.

00:46:33.070 → 00:46:40.390

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: They'll avoid repeating the same pattern they've just had in unhealthy relationships. If they needed to get out.

00:46:40.390 → 00:46:44.520

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: Yeah. So the 1st 1st place is awareness of it.

00:46:45.240 → 00:46:48.300

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: Right? Unless you spent the time

00:46:48.460 → 00:46:53.920

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: to look and to investigate what what is going on here. What went on there?

00:46:55.230 → 00:47:15.629

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: You don't really have much hope of avoiding it. If you've not looked at it right, just gonna hijack you and take you down the same road. So this is one of the beauties of of doing that coaching work. Because you you look, you look for the patterns, and then you look for how you might be still showing up in the same way.

00:47:16.680 → 00:47:26.469

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: so that you can catch yourself, because relapse is part of the process. Right? We we even when we've got awareness of something

00:47:26.640 → 00:47:34.739

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: we're going to live through life, and we'll be in a little groove until we're not in the groove anymore, because the new behavior doesn't have a groove yet.

00:47:35.490 → 00:47:40.119

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: So we slip into the old behavior. But we catch ourselves.

00:47:40.320 → 00:47:55.130

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: This is one of the other beauties of having regular rituals, whether that's your meditation, whether that's your journaling, whether that's your wild wisdom practice whatever it is, because it wakes you back up when you fall in asleep, and you can be compassionate with yourself.

00:47:55.500 → 00:47:56.560

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: Oh.

00:47:57.080 → 00:48:04.670

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: here we are again, and and and you can catch yourself. You can catch yourself. If you've gone into dating.

00:48:05.685 → 00:48:10.190

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: Actually, somebody. Because I think

00:48:10.400 → 00:48:18.830

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: God, the universe spirit has a sense of humor. Right? It will bring bring you exactly what you're trying to avoid, to see if

00:48:19.360 → 00:48:37.259

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: you are in the place of taking action differently to how you were taking action before. Intention doesn't mean anything it's about. Are you willing to take the appropriate action? So if somebody shows up and they have the same characteristics as your

00:48:37.870 → 00:48:43.840

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: past partner, and you catch yourself acting in the same way.

00:48:44.940 → 00:48:51.719

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: The beauty of this work and of the rituals that you have in place is to wake you up and go. Oh, no, that's not what I'm doing anymore.

00:48:52.060 → 00:49:01.150

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: Thank you very much for coming into my life to remind me that that's not what I am doing. I'm doing something different.

00:49:01.390 → 00:49:09.210

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: This is beautiful because so much I think of what goes wrong in relationships and relationship with self is that

00:49:09.720 → 00:49:22.769

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: largely big, broad brush stroke. Here we brits are brought up in a state of emotional neglect, so learn to internalize absence

00:49:23.460 → 00:49:31.319

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: as connection this, this big, broad brush, so these rituals can keep

00:49:31.470 → 00:49:39.550

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: that connection of presence. I'm present to myself because I'm kissing these 2 little hearts.

00:49:39.730 → 00:49:47.229

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. So this call to presence is at the heart of ritual.

00:49:49.910 → 00:49:58.109

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: Wake up, take notice, be present, be here.

00:50:00.370 → 00:50:03.640

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: be in connection with the truth of who you are.

00:50:06.640 → 00:50:08.823

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: Be here, wake up.

00:50:10.855 → 00:50:12.125

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Come back!

00:50:12.760 → 00:50:14.639

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: Yeah, come back, come back, come back.

00:50:15.080 → 00:50:20.160

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: And the more we practice the more skillful we become

00:50:21.140 → 00:50:25.759

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: because our intentions don't make a difference. It's only when we take action.

00:50:27.300 → 00:50:29.679

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Yeah, beautiful, beautiful.

00:50:30.310 → 00:50:32.179

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: So tell me more.

00:50:34.450 → 00:50:38.519

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Think about relationship cycles, conscious love.

00:50:38.840 → 00:50:47.740

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: the wild wisdom relationship cycle quiz. Tell me more about that, because that feels like that naturally follows on.

00:50:48.220 → 00:50:51.420

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: Yeah, so this, this comes back to this

00:50:52.180 → 00:51:08.500

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: cyclical awareness of relationships. So it's remembering, it's like, what phase are you in in this relationship? And can you honor the phase? And can you recognize what it is? And can you take appropriate action?

00:51:10.630 → 00:51:15.230

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: And it's again very simple. But it's a. It's about

00:51:15.590 → 00:51:26.209

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: giving some structure and some form to what you may need to focus on right now to move this

00:51:26.450 → 00:51:42.769

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: relationship back through the cycle so it could be an existing. So I know one of the reasons why my my former marriage lasted so long is because we went through the cycles, and that we renewed our vows, and that we evolved our relationships until it was done.

00:51:42.930 → 00:51:43.340

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Hmm.

00:51:43.340 → 00:51:44.989

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: For for us.

00:51:46.980 → 00:51:55.789

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: so I know it works it. It works for us to to recognize the cycles of relationship and of the evolve evolving nature

00:51:56.180 → 00:52:03.149

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: of matter and spirit. Right? It's like they come together, we move through.

00:52:04.110 → 00:52:11.250

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: And when we honour the cyclical nature of relationships, we don't grasp to the previous

00:52:11.830 → 00:52:17.620

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: part of the cycle. Because that's not healthy. You can't go back to spring once you're in summer

00:52:18.470 → 00:52:24.089

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: you have to go through autumn and winter, and then come back to spring.

00:52:25.820 → 00:52:29.089

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Yes, that's beautifully put, beautifully put. Yeah.

00:52:29.090 → 00:52:29.840

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: Hmm.

00:52:29.990 → 00:52:32.310

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: So? And how does the quiz work with this.

00:52:33.160 → 00:52:40.400

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: So you just click on it. You answer the questions it takes you through. It gives you like, okay, this is where we are right now.

00:52:40.790 → 00:52:48.419

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Right. So it gives you the insights, and then you know what to do and what you're dealing with. Really sort of thing.

00:52:48.420 → 00:52:55.820

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: It's like, Where am I? Okay? Maybe we do need to do some. Maybe we do need to do some pruning here.

00:52:57.100 → 00:52:57.880

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: But.

00:52:58.110 → 00:52:58.500

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Yeah, yeah.

00:52:58.500 → 00:53:12.450

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: What? What isn't working, what is working, what isn't working, you know. One of the things that I'm very passionate about is about affirmative approaches. So you look at what's working. You don't throw the baby out with the bathwater.

00:53:13.070 → 00:53:27.517

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: so that, you know, even if even if a relationship is to end. There will be a reason why you came together. There will be some learning and something good about it, even if it's like, I'm not doing that again.

00:53:29.550 → 00:53:30.420

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: Okay.

00:53:30.420 → 00:53:30.740

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Hmm.

00:53:31.600 → 00:53:33.320

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: So the

00:53:33.820 → 00:53:45.769

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: point is to give you the opportunity to recognize where you're at. And again at the beginning, in the springtime of a relationship when everything is rosy and it's growing in this potential, it's like.

00:53:46.250 → 00:53:55.090

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: can you really have the courage to bring your values and your desires to the front.

00:53:56.800 → 00:54:00.149

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: so that the person has a choice about

00:54:00.310 → 00:54:03.069

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: whether this is true. For them too.

00:54:03.220 → 00:54:03.900

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Hmm.

00:54:04.350 → 00:54:07.060

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: You encourage them to bring their

00:54:07.490 → 00:54:21.660

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: truth to you, and even if you're there and it's like, Oh, that doesn't match. At least you do it there, and you honor that energy so that it can move forward or not.

00:54:22.360 → 00:54:31.420

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Yes, so you can choose if you can negotiate and find a win win that works for you. Or if actually, it's so intractable that. Now's the time to stop.

00:54:31.820 → 00:54:33.720

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: Yeah, and it's okay.

00:54:33.720 → 00:54:34.300

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Yeah.

00:54:34.900 → 00:54:46.449

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: But it may be that you have the conversation, and you find out. Oh, no, there's a kernel of beauty here. There's something we're here to co-create. Let's let's do it.

00:54:46.600 → 00:54:54.679

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: and if you not had the courage to present it, then it would have not been nurtured, and not had the opportunity to flourish.

00:54:55.010 → 00:54:58.930

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Yes, you got a flower bed through full of drooping flowers.

00:54:59.444 → 00:55:01.755

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: No, we don't. Nobody wants that.

00:55:02.140 → 00:55:13.450

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: So what's 1 insight, a ritual, or a card message of some sort that you'd love to leave with people watching or listening today.

00:55:14.300 → 00:55:21.790

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: Yeah. So let me let me practice what I teach. Let me share a wild wisdom card with you.

00:55:23.080 → 00:55:28.389

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: So I'm going to give you the opportunity, as a listener to choose 1, 2, or 3.

00:55:29.270 → 00:55:29.890

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: 2.

00:55:32.610 → 00:55:33.450

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: Okay?

00:55:35.360 → 00:55:36.570

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: Oh, amazing.

00:55:38.210 → 00:55:42.630

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: Okay. So 2. If you've chosen 2, we're going to give heather hers 1st

00:55:43.030 → 00:55:45.710

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: its well, body wisdom. I am wise.

00:55:46.270 → 00:55:47.490

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Hmm.

00:55:47.990 → 00:55:58.980

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: So this is an invitation to connect with the wisdom of your body, to hone your instinct.

00:55:59.880 → 00:56:04.789

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: to allow yourself to tap into the wisdom of your body.

00:56:05.920 → 00:56:08.486

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: and to use that as

00:56:13.690 → 00:56:15.850

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: as a way forward.

00:56:16.340 → 00:56:18.060

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: It's a guidance.

00:56:18.060 → 00:56:20.629

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: Yeah, as a guide, as a.

00:56:21.640 → 00:56:27.980

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: as a. It's like the the image I have is almost like you've put your stake in the ground.

00:56:31.058 → 00:56:35.319

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: Beautiful, and if you chose, chose one

00:56:36.776 → 00:56:40.190

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: we've got wild mind wisdom. I choose contentment.

00:56:40.570 → 00:56:41.520

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Hmm.

00:56:43.320 → 00:56:49.929

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: And if you've chosen 3, it's while my wisdom I choose trust.

00:56:51.800 → 00:57:03.079

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: And if you are watching this podcast, and you are interested in the specific meditation that goes with either of those 3. Just reach out, and I will send it to you as a gift.

00:57:04.100 → 00:57:06.110

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Oh, that's lovely! Thank you.

00:57:08.280 → 00:57:20.539

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: So I can see that you have a lovely, neat link which we'll put in the show notes of how people can connect with you through socials or website, that you have.

00:57:20.780 → 00:57:21.380

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: Yep.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Which is link TR. Dot.

00:57:25.280 → 00:57:25.930

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: Billings, Tree.

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Yeah link tree, but it's got a dot after the r forward slash. Monica Douglas.

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: Yeah.

00:57:35.170 → 00:57:38.390

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: So the 2 quizzes we talked about, just to make sure

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: for those in relationship the wild wisdom cycle quiz.

00:57:43.520 → 00:57:47.369

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: and for those of you who are single. Are you ready to date?

00:57:50.280 → 00:57:57.370

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Thank you so much, Monica. It's been an absolute joy as ever, and I'm looking forward to our collaboration later in the year.

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: Can you hear me?

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Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: 5. So we're going to work together in September, which will be lovely.

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Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: Yeah, I look forward to working with you in September, too. Heather wonderful. It'd be great to share with you.

00:58:17.970 → 00:58:20.100

Heather Garbutt Love and Relationship Coach: Thank you for being with us today.

00:58:20.960 → 00:58:23.160

Monica Douglas - thewildwisdom.org: You're welcome. Thank you for having me.

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