tallgirl: welcome back to sense, sensibility, and chaos the podcast that once mocked mom jeans and now gets excited with double coupons and a well organized pantry.

Busy: I'm busy. I developed my father's style of grocery shopping and looking at the unit price. But in fairness, don't we all want to get the best price.

WellRead: I'm well read last week I heard myself say, you'll understand when you grow up out loud

WellRead: to a child.

WellRead: I'm not an adult. I swear.

tallgirl: And I'm tall, girl. I've started doing weird little grunts when I stand up. You know the one

tallgirl: I've become. The noise.

WellRead: Yeah.

Busy: Today we are talking about.

Busy: Oh, God! If we are becoming, our parents

Busy: think we need to take a pause here and and tell, listen.

WellRead: Everybody needs to take a deep breath in through their nose.

Busy: Get your whatever you need from.

WellRead: Out through your mouth.

Busy: If that's a drink, if that's a cigarette, if that's chocolate, whatever it is like, grab what is gonna calm, you.

WellRead: And have one of my Thc. Seltzers.

tallgirl: I love my mom if I end up being her. That's great. But my mom is

tallgirl: much more polite and much more formal than I am. It would break my hippie spirit if I actually become become my mom. So I'm like, I have parental traits.

tallgirl: I have very strong feelings about like bought air and using the oven while I'm paying for bought air in the summer. You guys know this. I've had that I've been a granny in my heart about things like that since I was.

Busy: Oh, it makes sense!

tallgirl: It. Yeah.

tallgirl: no. So I'm like, I'm okay with turning out like my mom. But like the formality of it all, like my mom's never left her house in pajamas

tallgirl: ever like she would dress to go to the hospital.

tallgirl: Yeah, no, no, I'm going to the hospital, and whatever the hell I'm wearing at the time that I am in like.

WellRead: They will be lucky if I am wearing something.

tallgirl: There will, there will no be like, no hair will be done, no lipstick will be applied.

tallgirl: I'm I'm paying you to take like. Get rid of my pain. I am not waiting for your yelp review on my presentation.

tallgirl: I'm not. I'm not putting on Mascara just so that.

WellRead: Not good.

Busy: My eyes at you as I'm throwing up now.

WellRead: Absolutely not no.

Busy: So, I think, where do we think we think it begins with like saying phrases.

WellRead: I think it starts with phrases, actions, and facial expressions.

Busy: Yeah.

WellRead: Like nobody wakes up and decides. I'm gonna become my mother today. But

WellRead: you hear yourself repeating something that they've said, or you feel yourself make an expression that you've seen on their face before, and you're like, Oh, God! Oh, God! Here it comes! I am becoming.

Busy: And I think some of it is just genetics. I have a cousin, and his father passed away when he was about 4 or 5,

Busy: and so he was too young to remember the mannerisms of his father. But as he grew

Busy: my mom and aunt would say, Oh, my God. He has his father's way of like having his hands cross across his chest, and kind of like rocking, and like that nervous energy. And he he poses the same way. Someone I think he just

Busy: kind of get, even if you're not around.

WellRead: Oh, yeah, nature versus nurture is a huge thing like.

Busy: Right. So I think some of that is like you just get especially if you have their features. So I have my father's

Busy: dimple one dimple, so my mother could always tell when I'm really like.

WellRead: Tickled by something.

Busy: Well, no like there's lying like I'm like, Oh, yeah, no, I didn't. I didn't throw away that, or you know something simple like that. But when I'm like lying, but you also kind of trying.

Busy: Not like you're okay with kind of being called like, you're being slick. And you know you're funny, but like she said, I could always tell when you're really lying, cause your your dimple will pop out

Busy: like it's not just because you're smiling. It's a certain look you have, because I could tell.

Busy: That's when you're like, be mischievous almost.

Busy: I think it also kicks in when you start paying your own bills like your parents, fight about stuff.

WellRead: Oh, hell, yeah.

tallgirl: Like the 1st time you pay your electric bill, and you're like, I'm sorry.

tallgirl: I only ran a lamp all winter long like, what? What is this? $300 all of a sudden? That was like that was the moment where it's like I pay bills. We're not spending a dime ever again like.

WellRead: Yep, yeah. All of a sudden things become yours instead of someone else.

tallgirl: Oh, we can put a patch in those jeans like oh, that's a good box like. Oh, the 1st time I was like, it's a good box.

tallgirl: Nobody

tallgirl: prepares you for the moment that a good box arrives at your home, and you're like, oh, she's thick.

tallgirl: she's thick, and she's of a good size.

WellRead: You will be getting stored.

WellRead: You'll be getting stored, my friend.

Busy: I do a lot of shop shipping because A I do. I've done military support. But also BI like to just send people

Busy: random like care packages. So I have a closet in my office, and I converted it to like my

Busy: shipping, and like some of my my storage. So I have boxes lined up, and there's tape, and it's also like, let me just say, despite the the texture, it's how the the quality of it.

tallgirl: You know, like an Amazon box can flit in and out like I'm like. As soon as it comes in it gets folded up and goes to the curb for recycling. But like I bought a generator.

tallgirl: this box is going to like withstand a nuclear war. I I hesitate to use this box, like, I have other boxes in the box, because I'm like, this is not the moment for the good box. There's okay boxes. There's there's but like

tallgirl: the the generator box is the great box. It will probably never leave this house like I will leave the house in this box. It is. It's that good of a box.

Busy: Lip box is. That's 1 that sneaks up on you.

tallgirl: You just you don't know until the moment comes.

Busy: But for me, that's more adult than becoming my parent, because there is a difference, I think specifically.

WellRead: Oh, yeah.

Busy: For me. It's the expressions, too.

Busy: You're like, Oh, my God! Who just said that.

tallgirl: Oh, wait!

tallgirl: There used to be like, wait until you're older, like, when you get to my age, like your joints will hurt and like whatever else and like.

tallgirl: I rolled over the other day, and I pulled a tendon in my knee from rolling over, and I'm like.

tallgirl: maybe grandma had a point.

tallgirl: Don't get old like. Just wait until you're old.

Busy: Or yeah, I think, I definitely there. There are different things like with my mother and my father.

Busy: But I definitely like like I, said my father, when he would go grocery shopping. My mom hates going to the grocery store with me because I will look there and look if it's something small I just need. I'll just buy it. But if it's something you use a lot.

Busy: I will sit there, and if it's between different brands I'm gonna look. Oh, this is on sale. But this is the unit price. But if you just do this, and it's not always the bulky versions, too. It's sometimes the smaller ones I'm like, how in the hell. But okay. And so I will sit there. And she just looks at me, and she gets so frustrated, and without fail. We are grocery shopping together. She was like you were just like your father

Busy: and myself. I here, here I am, my 2 links.

WellRead: My dad was the same way the unit prices, and you know what was on sale versus

WellRead: what wasn't. So you pick up things as you.

tallgirl: I am that weird person who like what's the what's the best month to buy an appliance? And I'm like, no, no, we don't buy washing machines until like this is, this is the season we buy strawberries. This is when we buy an appliance. I'm like, Oh, my God, I have this just living in my head.

tallgirl: I now know the temperatures I'm willing to leave the house during, and when not, I will now look at the weather app. I must know I must know

tallgirl: I love walking in the rain, and yet now I cannot help myself like I have to know the weather. I can't go outside without knowing the weather.

tallgirl: I'm not gonna melt. I'm not the Witch kid Witch of the like.

tallgirl: I'm not the Wicked Witch. I will not melt with water. I have no gremlin properties like why.

Busy: No.

Busy: I just don't like getting too much water in my shoes, like in the mushy squishy, but had done it before, like I'll be fine. I'm not gonna die.

Busy: but I'm also not gonna purposely go out and walk in rain.

Busy: I'll say, really.

WellRead: I do?

Busy: Right.

WellRead: Rain. Snow.

WellRead: Precipitation in General.

Busy: No, it's different to me.

Busy: It doesn't.

WellRead: I'm like a child when it comes to snow, so.

Busy: I think also like prepared when you start.

Busy: I try not to say this one, but it has slipped out kind of like children should be seen and not heard of like, oh, dear Jesus! Where did that come from?

WellRead: Because I said so.

Busy: What one was that.

tallgirl: Hot enough for you.

Busy: No, that doesn't. We didn't have that one.

tallgirl: Like I just. I'm standing. I was standing in a like little lobby entryway, and it was a hot day, and I just I couldn't help myself. I was like, I know, I've got problems when I start to clap, when an airplane lands.

Busy: Each parent did that.

tallgirl: Know I have reached a certain phase in my life where, when that happens, but also, you know, given the state of the airlines, I think now it's more of like a yelp review like we landed.

Busy: Yeah.

WellRead: I think.

WellRead: I'm with you busy on on. The children should be seen and not heard sometimes. But you don't mean it.

WellRead: You don't really mean it, but you do a little bit.

Busy: But I do, but and there have been times, and

Busy: I love my nieces and nephews. But there was. There have been times when the energy level, and the the ability for them to listen did not happen.

Busy: And and there's absolutely I've I've heard my father come out of my mouth

Busy: with the. I will give you a reason to cry for.

WellRead: Oh, that's a big one. Yeah.

WellRead: I actually saw a Tiktok the other day about a dad who

WellRead: like he's trying to break down generational trauma, and he asked his kids what the end of.

WellRead: I'll give you something to.

WellRead: And the kids were like, laugh about.

Busy: Yes.

WellRead: Both.

Busy: Have fun.

WellRead: That was, that was a really sweet one, like the I'll give you something to cry about was

WellRead: something our generation heard a lot.

Busy: And he kind of broke down, and everyone in the comment was really supportive of him, like, you're doing a good job that your kids don't know that.

WellRead: Yep, absolutely.

tallgirl: Guy who got like an arm that holds a flashlight because he's like my son will never have to hold the flashlight for me like they'll never go through that.

tallgirl: It used to be like for dudes. That was a big one like their dads would yell at them. You're not holding a flashlight. Right, you idiot, whatever so like. He bought all these like little floodlights and lamps and holders so like his kid, will never hold the floodlight for him, and I'm like

tallgirl: quality parenting.

Busy: I think there's there's

Busy: you can go too far, too, because I also see where that could be one of those coming of age, bond and things, I think, bonding with your child and engaging them in learning, and ask them to hold. It is not necessarily the bad thing, the.

WellRead: No, but the reality.

Busy: It's tracking them. Yes.

WellRead: It's the reaction of you're not holding the flashlight where I need you to hold it. You're not holding it at the right angle. You're not doing this. You're not doing that. I think you know

WellRead: you're doing it right when you have

WellRead: the flood lamps and stuff like that, because if you say to your kid? Is your arm getting tired, Buddy?

Busy: Yes.

WellRead: Then your kid can say yes or no, and you can have them switch.

Busy: Or explain. I don't want you to hold it at this angle, and this is why, so I could see what I'm doing.

Busy: It's the thing like that is a good bonding experience.

WellRead: And also understanding that kids get distracted like, you know.

tallgirl: 45 min of like I'm I'm I'm gonna I'm a kid. 45 min of holding a light is just not within my attention span. Let's just.

WellRead: No.

Busy: What other things do you think you do like your parents? For me?

Busy: I also inherited from my father.

Busy: He was raised by his, you know, obviously his father, and who grew up during the depression so that meant my father never threw out anything until you needed to like. We didn't just like, and I'm the same way like, I'm not just gonna if I need a new pairs, let's say shoes like, sure I'll get them. But there are some times I'm like, I'm not gonna throw out like the really, the sneakers that are not

Busy: good enough to maybe be out my everyday using. But they're not exactly throughout. Become my garage outdoor like.

Busy: Sneakers that I use, and then, when they become too bad, then I toss them so like, there's this.

Busy: not.

WellRead: There's there's a progression of things like there's

WellRead: there's the not house. Knock around clothes, or you know you're not going to get rid of them because they're still good.

Busy: And then, if if they aren't good for wearing around the house like, can I turn them into rags? Can I donate them to some place that might need it like. There's it's not like a hoarding situation of like stuff just stays here, but it's not just turning things on a dime because we want something new.

WellRead: Yeah.

Busy: It does happen. I I'm somewhere in between. But I will not just like I don't toss food. That is a big thing like, I'm not just gonna throw out food just because I've had it for 2 days. We're either gonna eat this.

WellRead: We're gonna repurpose it somehow.

Busy: Okay.

WellRead: Compost bin, or whatever.

Busy: Correct.

tallgirl: There's like not a vegetable top or a bone that leaves my house without being turned into broth, and I'm like, I know, that comes from my grandmother. I know that because that was, you know, like.

tallgirl: okay, you know, there was the meal. There were the breakdown meals. There was the leftover, whatever, plus then, like the bones and the carrot tops got made into something.

tallgirl: I know where that comes from, but it's also like

tallgirl: dude. The amount of money I have saved on that kind of stuff like the

tallgirl: the awareness of it as well like this is this is going to screw it up for future kids like you start to think about future generations as well. Like.

tallgirl: how is this going to end, you know, like, what is my impact going to be on this.

tallgirl: Yeah, more of like a long term thinking, like, what's the

tallgirl: yeah. The world is a great place when men consider like men plant trees whose shade they will never sit under, or something like that.

WellRead: Yeah, like, there's.

tallgirl: Point when you're like. Oh, let me consider like more than me in this moment like let me consider my friends, my family, my society. My whatever from like the impact of this decision.

Busy: Correct.

Busy: I noticed I also picked up my father's recycling habits, so you know, in the nineties. And he

Busy: he made sure that in the house there was

Busy: there was a compost, there was a container for the the cans and plastics. There was the newspaper.

Busy: there was a do you remember that big kind of plastic, and you would just put stuff you could put the rope around it.

Busy: Easy for you like we had, and anything that was cardboard that wasn't overly

WellRead: Waxed.

Busy: Wax.

Busy: We broke down because we had fireplaces, so then they will become.

Busy: It was for the fire. So my mom, I love her.

Busy: She is just not about she does it

Busy: mainly because she knows I'm gonna annoy her about it. But if she didn't she would just toss everything out. And so I'm like.

Busy: just recycle and.

tallgirl: I'm a composter, and I am a paper glass. I believe that plastic recycling is the biggest scam in Canada. I will do it because Canada really does do it kind of as much as they can the right way

tallgirl: in New Jersey. I I have difficulty recycling plastic, because, you know, this plastic took 4 boat trips to make it to the Us. And now I'm gonna like, put it back on a boat to get burned up in India. It's like.

tallgirl: Oh, did.

WellRead: Did you hear the exciting news, though?

WellRead: They made microorganisms that decompose plastic. And they're working on that great plastic thing in the ocean, that plastic island.

Busy: Be a great garbage pack.

tallgirl: Part of. Yes, but as long as we keep on fishing the way we are, it's not our water bottles and our straws that are killing the sea turtles. It's.

WellRead: No, I know.

WellRead: But and you have other plastic is killing the barrier reef.

tallgirl: But I'm also guilty. I eat salmon, and I eat tuna so like, you know.

tallgirl: But that's like, you know, when you're young you just don't think about it. And when you're old you really do kind of the mindset of like, okay, how is this going to impact the globe?

tallgirl: Say, old. Let's just say older.

Busy: Look, I actually think it's a privilege to get old. I'm okay with that.

Busy: Sure.

WellRead: Absolutely.

tallgirl: I don't want people running up to me and be like, Oh, decrepit one! How are you?

Busy: Please tell me how it was in the time before.

WellRead: No like I'm I.

Busy: With.

WellRead: Will refuse to cover up my gray hairs and stuff like that, like it's

WellRead: getting older is something that I think is very underrated.

tallgirl: When we were growing up, you would see women who are like very hardcore into, like their seventies, outfits, eighties, outfits, and you would just be like, Oh, my God! Like, get with the fashion!

tallgirl: And then you realize there's just a moment where you stop caring about the trendiest thing, and you're like, I'm leaving the house. And this is how I'm presenting myself to my world. And, like that art teacher, aesthetic of like the loose kind of flowy moo, moo linen kind of thing I'm like.

tallgirl: Nobody prepares you for the moment when you're like.

tallgirl: yeah, I don't care whether or not it's trendy like.

WellRead: It's comfy.

tallgirl: Comfy. 1st time I put on a pair of crocs.

tallgirl: I was like the ugly kitchen shoes there's no way, and I'm like, Oh, but these are

tallgirl: oh, these are a feet! Feet treats! Oh.

WellRead: Yeah.

tallgirl: The mom got the reacher grabber when she had surgery.

tallgirl: I'm like this is such a useful tool. I'm like I am sliding into assistive devices. World.

WellRead: I mean, they're they're there to be used for things like that. So I mean, I'm

WellRead: one of the ways that I like my parents unfortunately.

WellRead: is when it comes to containers for food.

tallgirl: There are certain containers and stuff in there. Do you have a

tallgirl: margarine jar in your fridge that's currently holding like steak leftovers.

WellRead: Yeah, Chinese food containers. And

Busy: Anyways, that's fine.

WellRead: Jars jars are a big one.

WellRead: because you never know what you're gonna need a jar for, you know. But my kitchen might resemble

WellRead: a Tupperware crypt in some ways.

Busy: No, I listen. I think takeaway containers.

Busy: If they're generic enough like, you know, that's fine. I I we use those again like that's fine, because that's also great thing to send people home with.

Busy: And you have leftovers, and you know.

WellRead: It's true. Just guys don't heat up whatever is

WellRead: in the food in the plastic again. Just just know that that's not a good idea.

tallgirl: Yeah, no.

tallgirl: There was somebody who was like, Oh, I've had this water bottle for like over 10 years, like one of the plastic Poland spring bottles. They feel like I I just refill this plastic pole and spring bottle, and I'm like too far too far. Nope, no.

WellRead: Yeah, yeah.

tallgirl: I also get really excited to talk to people about the bargains and deals I've made like it becomes a prominent.

tallgirl: It's a point of pride. Dude!

tallgirl: How much I've saved per unit! Oh, I got a promo code, and I double promo coded like.

WellRead: I've gotten complimented.

tallgirl: And it's something we'll.

WellRead: Yeah, I've gotten complimented on something that I'm wearing. And I'm like.

WellRead: if I can say, Oh, right now it's on sale for like 60% off

WellRead: at this store. Go get it to someone. It makes me thrilled like

WellRead: I've gone through Tsa or whatever, and been asked, oh, where'd you get your bag?

WellRead: Thank you.

WellRead: I got it on sale, for you know $48, or whatever.

tallgirl: It's not cute. It was $4.

WellRead: Yeah.

tallgirl: It was $4.

WellRead: Feel that's on par with asking a woman saying, telling a woman you like her skirt or dress, and then her saying.

WellRead: And it's got Pockets.

Busy: Okay.

tallgirl: Yeah.

WellRead: Absolutely. If if something is cute, was 4 bucks and has pockets, you have one life. You have achieved

WellRead: something.

Busy: Your level of Nirvana is.

WellRead: Yes.

Busy: Pockets for a woman in dresses or skirts.

WellRead: Absolutely.

Busy: And good pockets, not like ornamental pockets.

tallgirl: I'm keeping an eye out, for when I start tucking a tissue like into my bra, or into my like sleeve or something.

tallgirl: Oh, I've already done it for that. I haven't gotten there. I haven't.

tallgirl: I.

WellRead: I have reached into the bracket with regularity.

Busy: I do that if I know I'm going to be like at a funeral, awake, or something or emotional, which, let's be honest, is pretty much me just living

Busy: or if I'm gonna be out somewhere like not necessarily just tissues, like I went out last night and I didn't want to carry a purse, and I just had like my chapstick, so that went right down the shirt, and I didn't even care like.

WellRead: Chapstick, perfume, keys.

Busy: And it's weird when you, when you don't even feel it or notice it.

WellRead: Yep.

Busy: So what are some of the things that your parents do, that you refuse to cross the line and do.

tallgirl: Reasonable bedtimes.

tallgirl: I've never

tallgirl: gonna willingly just go to bed at 9 o'clock, because that's the wise life choice like I don't think that's ever gonna be like.

WellRead: That's fair.

WellRead: That's fair.

WellRead: That's tough.

WellRead: It's really tough.

Busy: I I will tell you. My mother does not

Busy: born and raised in New Jersey, really does not curse that much unless, like she has more in her older age.

WellRead: Hmm.

Busy: But not so much growing up, maybe like hell. But

Busy: that is not my mantra in life.

WellRead: Nope.

WellRead: I can't. I can't say that my thing would be the same, because I was taught how to conjugate the F word before I was 2.

WellRead: So you know, although that was more my dad, less my mom, my mom doesn't really curse.

tallgirl: I'm gonna get my hearing checked the second. I turn 50, and then every 5 years thereafter I am never, ever, ever going to hold off a necessary joint replacement.

Busy: Oh, God! You and I.

tallgirl: All the things like all the things I'm just like, and they'll tell you like you should do this by 65. You should do whatever I'm like. No, I'm marking these dates on my calendar. You want to know what I'm gonna do for my 50th birthday. I'm gonna.

Busy: Colonoscopy.

tallgirl: You party the way you party

Busy: Think that. Yeah, no.

tallgirl: Don't put me on the list for the 50th birthday, like, I'll see you at 51 like, yeah, that's the year I'm gonna skip your birthday.

tallgirl: It's hot here. We turned well red into a human fountain. It was great. Everybody enjoyed it.

Busy: For me. I have 2 parents who are in healthcare professions, and despite that there are certain things they were regular about, like, you know, teeth or stuff, and then there's other things that like they just

Busy: seem to ignore. And I would like to

Busy: like. Well, I mean, I could see, I'm like, no, you really don't understand

Busy: how. When I got glasses in, I think it was grade school.

Busy: and my father's like, well, I have perfect vision. And then he he said, I think one time they said, I have problems seeing far away. And he put on my glasses, and he's like, Oh, there's oh, the signs are clear, like, yeah, that's what the glasses help you with. And until the day he died he didn't wear glasses, and I'm like, Oh, for the love of God. So I think, like making a point to go to doctor appointments and not just doing it like when it gets to that point of

Busy: bad enough like being prevented and doing. That is something that I will.

Busy: You know what.

WellRead: I'm that way with mental health.

Busy: Hmm.

WellRead: I'm that way with mental health. My my dad refused to go.

WellRead: and my mom's been, you know, sporadic about it, but I am.

WellRead: I'm I refuse to be like my dad in asking for help.

Busy: In a segue From that, I would also say.

Busy: being more open about talking about feelings

Busy: and taken ownership, and and my father used to love to say that he was right 99% of the time. And yes, he said it with a joking tone, but it's also not joking, and it becomes like.

Busy: you know, he says to my, how could he ever be wrong then? So I I think

Busy: admitting when I am wrong, and it might not always be easy. I might not like it, but I try as best I can to admit when I'm wrong and not just not in one of those passive level. I'm sorry you took it that way. No, I'm I'm sorry that I said something like taking the full ownership of. I'm sorry I did not do what I was supposed to, or I'm sorry I said something that upset you.

Busy: and also being proactive of saying, I'm sorry, I said, that. Can you explain to me if if I don't understand? Can you explain to me how that upset you so that I could avoid it going forward.

Busy: So, not just apologizing, but apologizing and trying to correct behavior.

WellRead: Yeah.

Busy: I think that's 1 that I try to.

WellRead: That's a big one.

Busy: Done them.

tallgirl: I will never enjoy grocery shopping.

tallgirl: I will never look at the grocery store as a great place to spend 4 and a half hours, reading every ingredient, on every label. I don't see it as an outing. I will never see it as an outing.

tallgirl: and even when I shrink 4 inches. I'm never going to ask anybody tall in the aisles to reach stuff for me

tallgirl: ever, ever.

WellRead: But there's so many good things on the tall shelves.

tallgirl: Them. They're within my reach, or I'll bring my reach or grab her, because I'm in.

Busy: Independent woman, bring your thought.

tallgirl: Yes.

Busy: But see, I like when I see vertically challenged people trying to get something, and especially when they're older than I am, and I'm like, would you? Are you trying to get something in there? I love trying to be the helper.

tallgirl: Not being the helper, but when they have like eyes out, like I know not to go to the grocery store on like Senior Tuesdays. They're just standing in the aisle waiting for me.

Busy: That's fair.

tallgirl: Woman fetch? Fetch me the peas?

tallgirl: No, not that. Not that. Can the other can.

tallgirl: that can't the other. The other other can't.

WellRead: The other.

tallgirl: Other? Other? Can.

Busy: Is there anything you are trying to not be like with your parents? Tall girl.

tallgirl: Oh!

Busy: Well, you said that the server.

tallgirl: My mom is infinitely more polite than I ever want to be.

Busy: Yeah.

tallgirl: I don't.

Busy: You're polite. That's the funny thing is, you are.

tallgirl: Yeah, but you come on.

WellRead: Tom, to your point.

tallgirl: Cheese, tall is tall, is polite to a point. I'm Canadian.

Busy: Oh, it's in Hamas.

tallgirl: I am polite until you piss me off, and or you give me a very good reason.

WellRead: And even then you're still polite. I have seen it happen very clear.

tallgirl: People would go to hell. I will say.

WellRead: You are very clear. This is a boundary. You have crossed it. Don't do that again.

Busy: So you are less polite than your mother, but more polite than you think. You are.

WellRead: Yes.

tallgirl: I'm Canadian, polite, so like for me what I find bad most people like. Oh, my God! You're still so nice! I'm like you could pull anybody off the street in Toronto, and we would match like. That's just a

tallgirl: like British mean is

tallgirl: classist rudeness. It's not, you know, like Canadian mean is still like we'll send you an appellate or a thank you. Note later.

WellRead: -

tallgirl: Like we'll send back the Tupperware, even though we'll never speak again.

tallgirl: What else?

tallgirl: There's definitely the hearing thing. That's a big one.

WellRead: How about twine.

tallgirl: And if I can drive at night, I'm keeping that to myself. So many seniors. Let's not talk about twine so many.

Busy: Like.

tallgirl: Sandbag on the fact that they can drive at night because they don't want to have to be the driver for their friends.

Busy: Oh!

tallgirl: 1st of all, if I still have night vision in my older years.

tallgirl: I'm gonna enjoy that. I'm not driving you places. I am going to drive myself places because I want to drive myself places.

Busy: I will say that I do believe as a certain age every State needs to have. I'm okay. If you're older and having a license. I do think you need to get.

WellRead: Tested.

Busy: Like, a, yeah.

tallgirl: And or just put something on the car like student driver like, we're willing to forgive student drivers like, put a bumper sticker on the car that says senior driver, and just give them give them the right lane.

tallgirl: Okay, you're 16. You have no idea how to drive. I'll let you on the highway, and I accept that. You will only drive 25 miles an hour, but like for an 80 year old, I'm like, Oh, no, that's on. No, no.

tallgirl: I don't want to be locked in my house.

tallgirl: Okay, I'm never going to wear that dusty rose perfume of the the older generations.

WellRead: I already do.

tallgirl: No, yours is not offensive. Yours is not that? No, no.

WellRead: it just smells good on me.

tallgirl: or like it, just it smells like a rose factory and a baby powder factory had an aggressive steroid interaction, and it

tallgirl: huh

tallgirl: No, I also won't apply 16 pounds of Bengay before going out for the night.

Busy: Hey? Maybe that will turn someone on you don't know. Don't yeah.

tallgirl: All these concerts, and I'll be honest. I am 40 to 50 years younger than anybody else in the audience. I mean, if you ever need an ego stroke.

tallgirl: early music concerts. They're all in their eighties and nineties. You're in your twenties and thirties. You've never felt younger. Your skin has never felt tighter. There is an ego stroke to it a little bit.

tallgirl: but they just they slather themselves in Bengay. If you sit behind them it's like a menthol mace

tallgirl: fume coming at you. You're like you're not crying from the beauty of the music you're crying from the menthol.

WellRead: You know I've I've figured out something I won't do.

Busy: But.

WellRead: Have the radio, the television

WellRead: and being on the computer at the same time, or being on a device at the same time.

tallgirl: While talking to your like grandchild on the phone.

tallgirl: Yeah.

WellRead: That was my dad.

tallgirl: We're in.

WellRead: That was my dad. It was. It was yeah.

WellRead: The monopolizing of all of the entertainment.

Busy: Hmm.

WellRead: Was, and he knew exactly what was going on on. Everything all the time.

WellRead: Don't change the channel. I know what the score is.

WellRead: Yankees just batted a run in. What are you doing? Changing the channel? You're not watching it. Yes, I am okay.

Busy: The thing I just realized I will not do, and I don't do

Busy: I do not believe that certain chores or tasks are more.

WellRead: Oh no!

Busy: Than one another.

WellRead: Yeah. No.

Busy: I had a situation God like 1012,

Busy: maybe more years ago. We're at my cousin's house, and his wife had just had their youngest son and my aunt and her kids came. I came, and after we had lunch

Busy: my female cousin and I were told to help clean up, and the boys, and I was, you know, an adult at this point. Now, like I'm a child, I'm older than all them, and the other younger boys were just allowed to go play games, and I said, I'm not doing a thing.

Busy: I said.

Busy: It's not that I won't help, because I won't help.

Busy: If we're in this. And and my cousin, whose house it was, he said, wait, where did the guys go? And my mom's like, oh, you know they just, he said. I said, No, no, they're playing games, and he and he's not for that either, and he's like, Get in here. And then everyone. I'm not going to feel like.

WellRead: Gendered.

Busy: Right. Everyone can help clean up everyone, help do stuff outside. If there's something that you physically can't do for a restriction that is different.

Busy: But I don't think that. And and in a lot of ways I didn't grow up with this, but every now and then it would sneak out. So when we had children and younger kids coming up, everyone helped feed the babies. Everyone helped

Busy: play with them and give the parents a break.

Busy: Yeah, the girls maybe took more with helping with diaper changes and all than the guys did. But everyone did that. Everyone helped. You know the guys when I host thanksgiving.

Busy: My brother is great about he. We we fry our deep fry, our turkey, and I get it set up by brine it the day before, and then he takes over and he handles

Busy: frying it, setting up the oil, cleaning up the station, carving the turkey like everyone chips in, so I don't. I'm not a big.

Busy: only girls or only boys do this thing. Everyone could do everything unless there's a limitation.

Busy: No problem.

tallgirl: I will not gatekeep advice and hold off on the gems until I'm 85, and then only if you come, sit with me on the porch. Will I tell you the secrets of life?

tallgirl: I grew up in an elderly neighborhood. My parents were like the young couple of the neighborhood. We were one of the very few sets of kids like all these women couldn't wait to tell you like, hold off getting married, have your own separate money, but, like, you know, they didn't tell like when they figured this out at 35, you know they weren't telling 25 year olds like girl. Watch your money, watch your husband, watch your whatever. I will not gatekeep any peace, tip, life, advice I get. I will spread in the moment, and I will also not pretend like sex wasn't a thing in my generation.

WellRead: Yep, the way they're just like.

tallgirl: What are they like?

tallgirl: Like, you know, bodice ripping romance novels, while pretending that, like.

WellRead: You're reading Lady Chatterley's lover. Yeah, no, no, absolutely not.

tallgirl: No, no, no, we're going to talk about it. We're not. We're gonna have this. We're also going to discuss. I will say, when I was teaching art class at the senior center.

tallgirl: This generation is much more open about talking about sex.

Busy: Generation of seniors.

tallgirl: Seniors. Yeah. So they're seventies eighties now, like they were cooler about it. But like the women when I was little, I mean, they didn't talk about it. But even amongst themselves they just

tallgirl: because little ears hear things that aren't meant for conversations. They would all just act like sex. We have no idea how kids get here like.

WellRead: Wasn't like that in my family. I'll tell you.

tallgirl: Employees.

WellRead: I know something else I won't do is gender strengths.

tallgirl: Hmm.

WellRead: Like well or or say well.

WellRead: you know he's just a boy.

WellRead: I won't give myself.

WellRead: Oh, an elder.

tallgirl: Passed to like touch a belly, or like, Oh, well, I'm old to touch a belly or.

WellRead: I can see.

tallgirl: Things like oh, lighten the shorts or something.

WellRead: Space.

tallgirl: Get that pass.

Busy: Yeah, and and not making while. Yes, we are a very huggy family, and we are very we hug we, we kiss, and all that on the cheeks. If someone is not comfortable with it, it is okay for them to say no.

WellRead: Not forcing your affection. Quote unquote affection on a child.

Busy: And if there's a reason that everyone doesn't like someone in the family, luckily this has not been in mind. But if someone doesn't like, if there's someone giving off a vibe that a lot of people don't seem to be want around, maybe you need to take notice and see why.

tallgirl: Absolutely.

WellRead: I think

WellRead: the like.

WellRead: I will never put a device before a child.

Busy: What do you mean?

WellRead: Like if I'm on my phone or whatever. And there's a child in vicinity related to me or not.

WellRead: When the child starts engaging with me. The phone goes away.

tallgirl: Okay? Because I understand, like parents need breaks from their kids.

WellRead: But when the child is trying so hard to get the parents attention.

WellRead: and the parent is refusing to pay attention to the child.

WellRead: I that breaks my heart so I will never put

WellRead: something else in front of a child. I will, I will say, you know, give me a second. I'm having a conversation. If I'm having a conversation with somebody.

WellRead: acknowledge the child exists.

WellRead: and say, you know, give me just 1 min. I'll be right with you go back to the conversation, I will do that, but I won't put technology in front of a kid

WellRead: in order of priority.

Busy: I think, one of the good things also that my parents and our families did. We didn't treat children.

Busy: You you were spoken to pretty much like an adult

Busy: like. Yes, there are things you were shielded from, but the tone, and and how you were addressed.

Busy: Was pretty straightforward like. I don't feel like there was, because even now I see it with my cousin and their kids.

Busy: you know I I will, you know. Obviously we're not going to talk about certain things in front of them, or let them in on things that we have to

Busy: skirt around things for like the young kids. But we don't try. And

Busy: we we talk to them. Understand that they will become the adults later.

WellRead: Yeah. And you wanna make sure that they understand that

WellRead: kids get brought into the world by adults and therefore

WellRead: should be treated with respect and care.

Busy: As opposed to no explaining.

tallgirl: Older now, when will I be older like that? That will be the question.

Busy: When will you be able to wait? What.

tallgirl: We'll talk about it when you're older, like, you know, what is.

tallgirl: what is? What is this? What is that topic about like? Why, why are they doing that? Whatever we'll talk about it when you're older like?

tallgirl: Can can you give me a day and a time like? Do I have to be 13 and a half like what?

tallgirl: Why are we holding? Which is, I will thank my parents. They did have conversation like they wouldn't just be like oh, and then you like, you know.

WellRead: Yeah.

tallgirl: But you know they would. They would answer the question for, or they would let me ask leading questions to be like, Okay, what do you want to know or like, what are you trying to get to like? Well, what are they doing? They're having sex.

tallgirl: They wouldn't go into it like full force. But it was like, here's the answer to the question like, why is that man being like? Put in jail like, okay? Well, he committed a crime like we're not going to go into the racial history of whatever, but like

tallgirl: they would answer the question like he shoplifted. Now the police officer is arresting him outside the store like that's that's what happened. That's the thing

tallgirl: instead of like, well, you know, we won't talk about it, or whatever else it's like. No.

Busy: Or it's a.

tallgirl: You want to talk about it, but we'll let you ask the questions instead of us over informing you on a topic that you're not.

tallgirl: we'll answer it for what you're looking for. As your answer. We might not give you the like. The total historic reference to like the history of shoplifting, and, you know, like

tallgirl: economic disparity.

Busy: Yeah. And I there thinks also there are times when

Busy: you know my nieces are of an age that I could bear

Busy: old enough to understand enough. But that doesn't mean I'm going to tell them everything.

Busy: And a recent conversation with one

Busy: They were expressing their concern or frustration in a matter, and

Busy: there's stuff that she's talked to me that I would want to speak to her parents, but she spoke to me in confidence, and it's nothing horrible. It's just venting. And then, when I was speaking to her, I said, Well, she she had one view of her parent, and I said, Well, talking.

Busy: you know, to them. I know that that's not the case, but I said, but just like I'm not going to betray your confidence. I can't betray theirs, and so I try to

Busy: explain why I can't say something and not just cover it up.

WellRead: Yeah.

Busy: It's not.

WellRead: Not because I said, so, that's not yeah. It's because there are good reasons for why I can't.

Busy: And offer solutions.

Busy: And and you know, hey, you're frustrated with this solution. You don't get need to give me an answer, but I just want you to know that if you want me to ever be like a mediator between you and your parents, that is always on the table, you just need to ask me, and I have no problem. Send that up.

Busy: and finding a time for us all to sit down and have someone who is not directly involved, but loves both parties enough to be there for you both.

Busy: and so, I think, like trying to explain to the children.

Busy: and not just cover everything up with the oh, it is what it is, or you're too young.

Busy: or that's adult stuff. You'll learn when you get older like, because that.

WellRead: Generational, trauma.

Busy: You also don't know. We don't know what could happen.

Busy: You know

Busy: something can happen to any of us tomorrow, unexpectedly, and I think that, you know, just trying to be. Give them an idea of what's going on. So things don't wonder.

tallgirl: Oh.

tallgirl: but also explain to them that socks and sandals aren't meant to go together, because that's important. We have to stop that multi-generational socks and sandals need to stop.

Busy: I think that's a tough one. You're you're okay.

WellRead: Tube socks and tibas soup socks and tibas.

WellRead: Let's be real. We had. We had friends in college who did that.

tallgirl: No!

tallgirl: Oh, my God!

WellRead: There were the there were the

WellRead: people, and it kind of does hurt me to my core, like

tallgirl: How can you be a good person and do that? It just it doesn't make any sense.

tallgirl: That's it for Episode 17. If you've ever said, we'll see as a hard no, just know you're already one of us.

Busy:Join us next week for the episode. We've all been avoiding how to say no without spiraling into guilt, and fake dentist appointments.

WellRead: If you like this subscribe, leave a review or send this to someone who now owns a Costco membership for quote, fun.

tallgirl: And if you didn't like it, you're probably too young. Go enjoy your knees while they still work.

Busy: Until then stay sensible.

WellRead: Or embrace the chaos.

tallgirl: Preferably both.