Okay, so were

just talking before recording so we're

like, you know, let's just start.

And of course here I am the planner.

I have to start like introducing it even

though we said let's just start talking.

anyways, we were talking about being

a bridesmaid because I said last

week my person had a hot take that

said, if you like your friends,

don't ask them to be a bridesmaid.

And I've been a bridesmaid

like nine times.

You said you've been one once

and that was enough for you.

Yeah, that was totally enough.

Like I'm done.

Well, and it was for my sister.

It was not even like a friend.

So funny.

All your friends listening are like, okay.

I also got married two weeks ago

and didn't have a wedding party.

So,

see, it's funny because the older I

get now, there are certain things that

I'm like, I would do so differently.

Mm-hmm.

I loved having my wedding party, but

I feel like if I were to get married

today, I'd be like, you know what?

If you wanna be like, wear a certain

color, but I'm not gonna have

you guys do all that extra stuff.

I don't know, it does

complicate things a little bit.

And what does it complicate?

I feel like not my own wedding.

'cause I feel like again, I was one

of last of my friends to get married.

I had been in so many weddings over

the years and I saw kind of like

drama that happened with bridesmaids

stress, with bridesmaid dress shopping.

Oh, I've, got stories about that.

just crazy stuff where I was just

like, I don't wanna deal with this.

So, for example, the bridesmaid

dress shopping, it was like.

You'd go in with a bride that

had no clue what she wanted.

Right.

And so like, everyone

shares their opinion.

Everyone picks their favorite dress.

It's like bridesmaids the movie.

Right?

So it's like everyone's picking their

own dress and this fits me the best.

This color's best for me.

Too many opinions.

As a bride, you need to know if

we're gonna have bridesmaid dresses.

No.

Kind of the vibe you want.

So I was like, we're going online.

You have to set

some boundaries.

Yeah.

So for me, I was like, we're going online.

I literally sent them a link

to Birdie Gray and I was like,

pick something in this color.

Pick whatever style

you like for your body.

Do you?

that is good.

one of my clients is a bridesmaid in

someone else's wedding and didn't know

what to wear and came to me asking me to

style them and was like, oh, the bride

doesn't have any parameters whatsoever.

And I said, not even color.

And she goes, oh yeah, I guess

she gave us green and blue.

I said green or blue.

Not even like, a shade, either one.

there was absolutely no

parameter and no dress type.

It doesn't have to be a dress even.

It can be pants, it can be anything.

which is great.

I love flexibility, but at the same

time, it's like, she has an idea of

what she wants to wear and she has

an idea of what standing out means.

But I feel like.

Everyone's interpretation of standing out

and being interesting at the same time,

which is what bridesmaids want to do is be

interesting, but not stand out too much.

Mm-hmm.

Is like

different in everyone else's heads.

And I feel like that's really challenging

balance to, act and it's really hard

to strike that balance when you don't

communicate that with the bride.

Yeah.

And the

bride doesn't communicate

exactly what she wants.

So I'm like trying really hard to help her

with this task, especially when I'm not

in communication with the bride myself.

So, yeah, that's hard when

there's a middle person.

Yeah.

I feel like a lot of the stories

I hear or see it all comes

down to communication too.

'cause it's like if a bride, maybe

there's a weird tension with one of the

bridesmaids or something, and then the

one bridesmaid picks a dress that's like

a loud color or something, but they never

really communicate what the expectations

were of being a bridesmaid or vice versa.

It's hard to Get on the same page if

they don't communicate, I don't know.

Or if it's like a husband's cousin

or something, so they're not close.

I just also feel like it's really

hard when you're a bridesmaid and

there's some people that are like,

oh, I can afford to pay $400 for

a dress, and other people can't.

And it's like, how do you shove the

expectation on people to pay for

some things and not other people?

I don't know.

It's so challenging.

So I had another client subsidize her

bridesmaids where she was like, oh, I

want them in $600 dresses, so I'm gonna

give them $500 each and they're gonna have

to pay the rest of the way, or whatever.

Okay.

And I was like, that's a really good idea.

But then she was like.

But I want them in $800 shoes.

And I was like, girl, oh my

gosh, that's like a crime.

You can't do that.

and so we had to have a

conversation about expectations.

But anyways, it was really she

wanted a certain look she wanted her

bridesmaids to look a certain way and

have a certain aesthetic that she knew

couldn't be done with a smaller budget.

And so Right.

That was definitely a great

way to ensure that at least

it was there in some respect.

And I think not a lot of

brides prioritize that.

And I think they should.

Well, yeah, and I feel

like I've heard that a lot.

It's like they have all these

expectations, but don't kinda look at

the budget of each individual person.

I look back at weddings I was in in

my early twenties, and I think the

first couple, they were pretty good.

where it was like, okay, we were

all just right outta college.

We were all pretty broke, Mm-hmm.

Exactly.

And then as you kind of get a little

bit older, like maybe you're a little

more in your career, but definitely

mid twenties when I was in weddings, I

was still spending way outta my budget

because it was like bachelorette party,

you're, you're paying for bridal shower,

you're buying gifts for each thing.

It all just adds up.

And I was in weddings where

brides wanted very specific.

were, I would say most were laid back,

but it was like very specific colors.

And styles of shoes or something.

Luckily not $800, so I

couldn't complain too much.

But that's why when it got time for

mine, again, it was like a $99 dress.

I know on the website, I think

my maid of honor, her dress

was 40 because they had a sale.

And I was like, buy yours now.

Buy yours now.

And so I was like, I want everyone to

feel comfortable, yeah, wear shoes you

already have, don't spend extra money.

I

me and my friends, what's so funny is like

I'm 25, we're not 22, 25 is young, but

being the first being married out of all

of the friends, you know, I feel like this

responsibility to make everything cheap.

And we didn't do bachelorette parties.

we didn't do wedding parties.

We didn't make anyone pay for things.

The only thing is we

wanted people to be here.

Yep.

And, they were here, Yep.

And that was awesome for us.

We didn't do a registry even, we didn't

ask people, we didn't do bridal showers.

We didn't do any of that.

which we didn't.

We're non-traditional people,

so that didn't feel like we

needed to do that at all.

paying for things seems like such

a big thing right now because of

the economy, I don't feel like I'm

millennial, but if I were a millennial

and I was getting married in the time

when all the millennials were getting

married, like if I were my sister

everyone was doing those things.

I had the choice between a $4,000

wedding dress and a $6,000 wedding

dress and that $2,000 delta.

Or I could take the $2,000

and subsidize my bridesmaid's

wedding or their dresses Yeah.

To like get them to wear

something much cooler.

I would do that.

I. Yeah.

But I feel like people don't

do that and they should.

As a fashion stylist, I feel like

if you're gonna dictate what your

wedding party is wearing, it better

be something much higher fashion,

you I had to wear, when I was a

bridesmaid, a very boring dress.

It was just a plain sage green.

How long

ago?

A plain sage green, you said?

Yeah.

How long ago was the

wedding?

was 2022.

Okay.

So like three years ago.

So I was thinking like the first

wedding I was in, which was, oh

my God, I feel so old saying this.

14 years ago, 13 years ago,

I was a junior in college.

Anyways, it was that everyone had

the same bridesmaid dress style.

Yeah.

We all

had the same one too, and

that was three years ago.

can you imagine?

Yeah.

Sorry.

I love the individual going on.

I love the individuality now.

I've been in a lot of weddings

where we all wore the same dress

and then it started moving to wear

the same color but different styles.

Mm-hmm.

Mine was pretty much wear the same

color, but there was like three

color options in the same family.

It was like mauves, whatever.

Yeah,

yeah, yeah.

That's cool.

But,

but the thing is, if I had a stylist,

I love now where they have different

colors, but it just goes together.

Mm-hmm.

I'm not like, I don't have the

eye for that, so I'm just like,

you know what, pick one off.

There's,

there's a very easy way to do that.

It's so easy and all you have to do is

play with the color wheel a little bit.

Because you don't wanna do something.

Well, first of all, you have to

do a bunch of different colors.

Right.

But you can't use all of the colors.

You have to take like two of them out.

So if you're gonna do a rainbow, take

out your reds and like any your reds

and anything close to a red, pinks are

cute oranges only if they're bright.

Right.

Don't do like a burnt orange.

Like what I'm wearing right now.

Like, take out your red.

Yeah, but it's like, something

super warm, like a red.

Don't do that.

Right.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

And then it's kind of like using

color theory, but I've never

been trained in color theory.

so my experience using this color

theory is what I've been taught

as an 8-year-old in art class.

So, love it.

Literally just keep that in the back

of your mind as I tell you this.

Is that the way that I do it?

Is like complimentary colors are

opposite colors on the color wheel.

Mm-hmm.

and how you would use bright

colors with darker colors, right.

And opposite colors.

you would just basically play with that

and take away one color of all of 'em,

like red I said, or whichever color

you don't like, red, blue, whatever.

Okay.

and then play with the rest of the,

and make one of 'em, not neon, but

really bright, as your accent color.

Okay.

I feel like I should show

you this as in real time,

I'll just show you my purse.

You are like, let me just

like whip something together.

Yeah.

Oh, this is a, is this a good example?

This doesn't have any blues on it.

Okay.

So because it all goes together because

you're taking out one of the main Yeah.

I wanna start noticing this and looking

around because so many fashion is all

just observing if you Yeah,

I was just having this

conversation with someone today.

Oops.

Fashion is just observing.

but yeah, color theory is interesting.

It's just when I was young, they always

taught in color class and art class.

I used to talk about all the time, the

sports teams, uh, football team jerseys.

Mm. Like if you think about marketing

in, sports, like the Seattle Seahawks,

the neon green and the navy blue.

Mm-hmm.

That's a very intentional marketing thing.

What else?

I always thought that the Vikings, the,

gold and the purple a very bad choice.

the Packers is now, it's iconic,

being gold and green, but I

feel like is also a bad choice.

That was my high school colors.

Oh God.

We were the Gators.

Where are you from?

Chicago suburb.

Oh really?

Me too.

Oh yeah.

Well, let's talk about that.

I now I'm scared.

Where, where are we from?

Are we from the same suburb?

Are are we neighbors?

No.

My God.

who's the Gators?

Do I know?

The Gators?

Let me think.

Me and also my partner.

I might

even pull this out 'cause

I'm so secretive about where

I live.

I don't know if I know the Gators.

So let me think about this for a minute.

There's the Florida Gators, you know,

Stevenson?

Stevenson.

Oh, nevermind.

I feel like Stevenson was green.

That's why I, oh, Stevenson

High School.

I've heard of that.

Yeah.

Who did I just meet?

I just met someone that

said they went to Stevenson.

So if you're listening, Hey, she

messaged me, I think she said she went

to Stevenson and she was like, you talk

about being from Chicago on your podcast.

And I was like, oh, I didn't

realize I did that, but yeah.

What suburb is it?

I'll tell you when we don't record,

or I guess I can take it out.

Oh, that's

fine.

That's so fair.

I mean, I guess like, I don't think,

I'm never gonna live there again.

I am in Washington DC right now, and

I got docs on the internet a couple

months ago in which people found my old

Instagram account and I deleted it by now.

But they found my old Instagram

account, they found a bunch of old

shit on the internet from me and

put my address on the internet.

Oh my God.

That's like my nightmare.

It was kind of bad.

long story short, don't, Do a lot

of things that I did, don't be a

right wing troll on the internet.

How about that?

anyways, yeah.

I literally was about to do

something anyways, don't don

docx people on the internet.

Thank you.

so I feel like that's fine.

But I grew up in a suburb of

Chicago, not yours though, because

I think I would've known by now.

Because I don't know a gator in that area.

But anyways,

people are gonna be like searching gators.

I don't live there now, so

it doesn't really matter.

But I'm very private online, and I'm like,

if people seek No, you should be, no, I

think

that's a really

good thing

because there's just like,

like what you just said.

I had a girl on here that said,

I was like, the fuck.

But it's a good thing and you

should know this for the future,

if you ever get docs, you can

request to scrub things from Google.

And so I did and it was gone.

Oh,

well, there you go.

All right.

Well that's a good lesson.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And I'm so sorry for derailing

the conversation like four times,

oh my gosh.

You're, well, since we just

jumped in, can we just introduce

who you are and what you do?

I know we kind of went backwards, but I

feel like it would give more context to

why we're talking about styling so much.

So tell us about your brand, who

you are and all that good stuff.

I am Katie.

I am a queer fashion stylist, and I mostly

do weddings and non-traditional weddings,

because there's no process for finding

non-traditional wedding attire, or wedding

attire that isn't like a suit or a dress.

Um, to clarify.

and what were your other questions?

I have a DHD.

I just already lost it.

Oh, good.

I

think that's why we're vibing so well.

I haven't, okay.

I haven't been officially

diagnosed, but my whole life I'm

pretty sure I have a DD or a DHD.

No.

Then you probably do.

I get either very focused or I'm

just like, woo, where are we?

What are

we talking about?

Yes.

That's a DHD.

it's not the lack of focus,

it's the reregulation of it.

Right?

Yeah.

If

I don't plan out my day.

I'm all over it.

That's why I'm a planner.

That's why I love planning

shit, because if I don't,

That's really good.

I really should plan out my day because

when I do it, I'm so on, you know?

Yes, yes.

That's the thing.

I think people don't think we

have the capabil, I say we now.

I'm like, now I'm a part of

the a d people don't get us.

No.

Um, yeah.

It's okay.

like the

diagnosis is just a label.

Okay.

It's just a label.

Yeah.

No, I just feel like once I was really

able to get organized, that's when I

was like, okay, that's my magic power.

I can get organized and I can get

stuff done if I don't, you able

to like control your brain

is just an unmatched thing.

Yeah.

It's crazy.

once you're able to literally

control, wield your power, it's.

I just feel like your brain is actually

able to do more than other people.

I can't explain it, but yes, sometimes my

husband's like, I'll like bring

up something else I'm working on.

And he's like, aren't

you already doing this?

And I'm like, I don't even

know what just happened.

Right now we have a two

bedroom, I'm in my closet.

Fun fact.

So we gotta make spaces work.

and so I will come out of our

room and I'm like, I just got

so much done and I'll show him.

He's like, how did you do that?

And I'm like, I focus mode, but if

I don't have a plan and I waste a

couple hours, I'm so hard on myself.

I'm like, what?

Yeah.

I feel like if I'm on, I can

do more than most people and

if I am just so not focused.

I waste so much time.

It's so terrible.

But yeah, I feel something.

did I have to introduce?

Yeah.

So.

talk about portrait of a bride on Fire.

How you got started, how you got into it.

Yeah, how I got started.

Okay.

well, I got started because I got

engaged and I identify as somewhere

in between, female and non-binary.

It just kind of depends on the moment.

and not like I wake up one day

and I'm non-binary and I wake

up one day and I'm a woman.

It's just like I don't care to do the

soul searching is the moment, I guess.

but in my day to day, I love wearing

dresses and skirts, so when I got

engaged I was like really, really

into wedding dresses and I got really

into the whole wedding fashion scene.

But what became super

apparent to me was there is.

Nothing outside of wedding

dresses for anyone outside of

white wedding dresses for anyone

that was non-traditional at all.

And there were just no options.

None.

And the thing is, all the wedding

dresses were the same too.

There were like 10 different styles

and there were like 10 variations

of those 10 styles and that's it.

And there were not even

non-traditional white wedding dresses.

It was so crazy to me.

' cause to find the non-traditional

white wedding dresses, they were like,

on Etsy that you had to order mm-hmm.

From across the earth, like

you couldn't try them on.

It's just so weird.

It was such a weird thing to me.

Anyways, I got really frustrated because

there were no even pants or jumpsuits

at the wedding shops in town, and.

Suit shops were obviously only for people

who were like strictly traditional men.

And there was like in between and

there was no color anywhere mostly.

And it was just like nothing.

And so I loved the

wedding dress situation.

And I just started learning

about wedding dresses a lot.

But I started posting on TikTok

because I started to get into

like content creation at the time.

and so I kind of started,

wanting to help people find their

non-traditional wedding attire.

And so that's kind of how I got into

it, is I got into it myself and then I

got into wanting to help people 'cause

I realized that they didn't have it.

they didn't have a means of finding it.

And also there wasn't a

lot of it, so that made it.

Twice as hard.

And so that's how I started is

I started in wedding fashion and

now I do wedding fashion styling.

So I help you throughout the journey

of finding your wedding attire and also

styling the accessories and all the

little details of your wedding outfit.

And then I also do personal styling

the side, and I do some like.

red carpet styling, event styling

as well, just like to a much smaller

scale than the other two things.

Um, and yeah, I do kind of a lot of

things because I just take on things

that I wanna do and I don't really say

no unless I really don't wanna do it.

So,

yeah.

When you say non-traditional

wedding dress, and you're talking

about like jumpsuits, I remember.

was engaged and I was like

starting to plan into my

wedding, my friends all know me.

when I was a bridesmaid,

I love a good jumpsuit.

Like, so for like three weddings

I was in, I wore a jumpsuit.

Good.

Because looked like kind of dresses.

So it looked like uniform, especially

like a palazzo pant or something

where the wide leg was flowy.

Yes.

I loved it.

and then you're on the dance floor

and you're like, I can do my thing.

you can do the splits, you

can do whatever you want.

Yeah.

If I wanted to learn how to do the

splits that night, I would be okay.

but I remember seeing a lot of

the bridal jumpsuits starting

to come out more and more.

I wore one to my rehearsal dinner,

but not the actual wedding.

So when you say untraditional wedding

dress, what kind are you looking for

personally or do you look for brides

or couples getting married, that come

to you for that kind of unique look?

Yeah.

So I feel like, the reason I say I'm

like a queer wedding fashion stylist

is because there's no one that tailors

their services to the queer community.

And I don't want to be exclusive of

other non-traditional people that want

these kinds of services, but I know that

there's no one else that, actually tailors

their services to the queer community.

And I think that's important, especially

in pride month and this time, day and age,

when queer people are just being targeted

left and right, to take a step back, I

think the attire that is non-traditional

is more like the drama of a dress, but

the comfort of pants, Like you just

described, a jumpsuit is like gonna give

you the mobility and the freedom to do

what you want but you get the, like, the

prettiness of make a dress, you and I

think a lot of people when they come to

me is they're like, I want the drama

moment of a dress, meaning I want a train,

meaning I want the details and I want the

like princess or prince or something where

it's like, I want the grandeur of that.

Mm-hmm.

but I don't want to be in that

level of femininity of a dress.

Yeah.

Because

they feel secure in pants.

Yeah.

love, and I think

a lot more people do feel

secure in pants than dresses.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

But suits are just out of

the fucking question for a

lot of people, so, you know.

Yes, yes.

Especially 'cause the options for

suits or Traditional man suits,

which are like, fucking boxy as shit.

And then there's like women's

suits, which are like business suits

that you wear to corporate events.

You

And then there's like the other

accessible suits you find out fast

fashion places, there's no like good

accessible suits for women that are like

quality shit that you can just find.

Yeah.

I don't know, like where

would you even look for that?

I'm like, off the top of my head,

I don't even have an answer.

And I'm a fashion stylist

that makes me so angry.

Do you ever want to work with a

designer and design like your own?

I don't know.

I feel like you have such an eye for

that stuff where you could like design.

I do that for some

clients.

Yeah.

Some clients look for custom options.

And I do work with designers

to design custom attire when

they have the budget for it.

It's just way more expensive.

Of course.

So I

bet.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I love that because it's like really,

really fun to go through the whole

beginning to end process of being

like, let's formulate your vision.

what's so fun being able to see

where someone has a vision and being

able to be like, okay, but we can

make it so much cooler than that.

yeah, so much cooler than what you have

seen on these random Pinterest boards

that are just like probably so limited.

let me show you some even cooler stuff.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, like let's show you some stuff

and then let's draw and let's do

all this stuff with the designer.

it is so cool to watch everything

develop and I'm not a designer so I

can't sketch and I can't, make garments.

But seeing that chick from beginning to

end is the coolest thing in the world.

And then me being able to Pick out

their shoes and walk them through

their hair and makeup and accessory.

Oh my God.

it's such a fun moment.

Like putting together.

Yeah.

Okay.

So

you mentioned you just

got married two weeks ago.

Mm-hmm.

Congratulations.

So Thank you.

When it came to planning or putting

together your own wedding mm-hmm.

what were things that were the bat you

were like, this is what we want, and

what were some things that you were like,

we no, we're definitely not doing that.

And you said no wedding party.

Yeah, yeah.

Sorry.

as young queer people, we

were non-traditional in nature

and we said, no florals.

We did not spend any money on florals.

And we did spend a lot of

money on a photographer.

and my photographer is Lindsay

Michelle in Boston, and she is amazing.

but I knew her way before

because of what I do.

I knew her way before our

wedding and she knows me well.

So she was like, I need you to get

a personal floral because I need

you to have something in your hand.

I need you to have a hand accessory.

You're gonna thank me

later because she knows me.

She knows I'm gonna want

the whole look, right.

Mm-hmm.

I'm gonna want my whole look to be done.

And I was like, you're right.

I'm gonna want not a personal

floral, I'm gonna want a purse.

And so I got a purse with flowers in it.

Oh, cute.

Yeah.

But we didn't get any florals.

the other things that

we did differently is.

We did it in our apartment.

Mm-hmm.

We walked in together, no

bridal party, ceremony.

And then

we didn't do a dance situation.

We just went to dinner afterwards.

I love that.

Yeah.

It was pretty chill and laid back.

It was really nice.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I love when you go in on the

same page, knowing what you want.

' cause I think so many times couples get

caught up with like, unsolicited advice

coming in of like, you need this, do this.

then you end up having this day where

you don't even enjoy it 'cause you're

like, I'm doing this for everybody else.

Not yes.

For us.

And I think that's tremendously

challenging, but also I said this to

my partner, I don't know if you can,

relate to this, but I'm so lucky that

I didn't have a childhood dream of a

wedding because I didn't have to deal

with any expectation around what I

thought my wedding would look like.

and I just feel as if a lot of people,

especially a lot of young women, grow

up with a dream of what their wedding

would look like when you get to be in

adulthood in terms of finances and

in terms of where you are in life and

execution and, so many different things.

Mm-hmm.

It just like can turn out so

different sometimes it's a good

thing and sometimes it's not.

And I'm just so glad I didn't have

any expectation because the best

fucking day in the world, I love that.

Yeah.

And so

I'm so glad I

had no expectations.

That's such good advice too.

And I'm so glad you said that because a

lot of people probably don't know this.

'cause I don't even know if I've said

it before, but, and then I find it

surprising 'cause I have a wedding

podcast or mostly wedding content.

But I was never the girl that was

I can't wait to get, be a bride.

I can't wait to have my wedding.

I never visualized it either.

And I don't think it was until like,

being in a bunch of weddings and then

like, I met my husband and at that time

we were engaged for like a hundred years.

So we were like, kind of like knew

what things we wanted and didn't want.

it was just like a way different,

I didn't want the big ballroom.

Mm-hmm.

I didn't want the big Cinderella dress.

that just wasn't my thing.

Yeah.

And my parents never like pressured

and were like, oh, when you

get married, when you do this,

they were just never like that.

And I'm glad because I wasn't like,

oh, I'm gonna be a princess on my day.

And I was just, Never had that vision.

I remember even my makeup artist being

like, you're like the most relaxed

bride I've ever done makeup for.

And I was like, well, I figure

at this point everything's done.

If something goes wrong, we're

all here, yeah, have a good time.

what am I to worry about?

We always wanted, we always wanted was

we didn't want the big event situation,

but we did want is a smaller micro

wedding, around 50 people or less.

but we wanted to have everyone there

for a weekend, wherever we did, just

so we had people there for longer.

So it was like a longer

experience, but a smaller amount

of people so that I wasn't super.

Overwhelming, but that we had more time

to spend so that we could have a lot

more experience, which I feel like is

now becoming more of a thing with welcome

parties and brunch afterwards and which

I totally get because I think it's so fun

to spend a whole weekend with your people.

Especially, it's like the

one time everyone's in town

for you, it's like mm-hmm.

You might as well make it worth it,

Yeah.

People are

flying in or driving in, have different

things set up or plan to hang out.

I think

it's so worth it.

and I think a week long might be a little

extra, but I'm like, at least making it

a weekend I feel like would be so fun.

Yeah,

it works fun, at least for us, so

yeah.

I love that.

Okay, let's get into, because I know

we're kind of, we're running on our

A DH ADHD time in a longer time.

No.

Okay.

Rapid fire.

This is just pick one or the

other, Classic ballroom wedding

or outdoor garden party.

Outdoor garden party.

Minimalist.

Chic or bold and colorful.

Bold and colorful.

Veil or no veil?

No veil.

Custom gown or off the rack.

Oh shit.

Is this for me or a client?

Either, I mean,

just in general, I guess, custom gown,

one photographer or photography and

video package, one photographer first

look photos or traditional aisle reveal.

First look match your wedding

style or to your home aesthetic.

Yes or no?

Yes.

Bridesmaids.

Same dress.

Different dress or totally mismatched.

Mismatched statement.

Shoes or statement earrings.

Statement, shoes.

And then what's one style trend that

you wish couples would leave behind?

or just any trend.

You're just like sick of seeing.

not to put you

on the spot,

I know this one's supposed to be rapid

fire and I feel like I'm blanking now.

It's okay if you don't have one too.

I feel like I don't, which is

pretty wild, but I definitely do.

I'm just blanking.

If I think

about it later, we'll bring it up.

Yeah, yeah.

Okay.

Awesome.

I think, well, I feel like we talked

a lot about the wedding hot takes

as we were kind of just talking.

What does Steven earrings at weddings?

I think that's why I am blocked is

because I am literally no one wears

statement earrings at weddings.

Okay.

This might be a dumb question.

What is a statement earring?

Just like a big, bold earring.

I'm just thinking of like a statement

necklace where they're just like, chunky.

What's a statement?

Yeah.

But statement earing is Really

wild and big and people don't

really do that at weddings.

It's true.

People don't really wear necklaces

at all at weddings anymore, though.

I wore like the most

simple, I wore my mom's.

They do.

It's like a, it's a very simple thing.

Yeah.

Because it's like you're wearing this

beautiful gown or whatever you're wearing

that you want most of the attention on.

What's the style thing that people

should be, should leave it home.

I feel like the answer is

so many things, honestly.

You said no veil quickly.

Do you think veils are outdated?

in like the theory of it?

Yeah, but like a garter, like in theory.

You know what I mean?

it's disgusting in theory, but it's cute.

even if you have a you

shouldn't do a garter toss.

that's disgusting.

You know what I mean?

But like a garter's kind of cutie

if you have the right dress.

Yeah.

I just did one for a photo.

I don't even know if they

took a photo of it now.

They might have just

done it with everything.

Yeah.

And veil was one thing.

I was like, I'm not doing a veil.

I don't wanna a veil.

But then I ended up up finding

one for down the aisle.

I did not cover my face or anything.

Yeah.

But I was just like, it's a

very, very religious thing.

that's fine.

I just feel like if you're gonna

honor tradition, honor that tradition.

But if you're just wearing one to

wear one, I just feel like we need to

separate, I feel like we need to honor

the tradition if we're gonna wear a veil.

I feel like we need to not be so

nonchalant about wearing veils,

in my opinion.

I feel like I do have

a very hot take about.

Styles for weddings.

Leave the white at home maybe.

I literally wore white to my wedding.

you think like No.

White at weddings.

I would love to step away from it.

Mm-hmm.

Um, I don't hate it.

I just would love to step away from it.

Do you ever

consider wearing another

color at your wedding?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I didn't because, I didn't wanna be

too different from my partner and

she wanted to, so I was like, I'm

not gonna fight too much about it.

Yeah.

And I know that I wanted her to be

super comfortable so I wasn't gonna

like, make it a thing, I get that.

Yeah.

No, I've seen gorgeous black

wedding dresses, never in person.

I've just seen them on weddings and

I was like, I love the look of that.

Oh yeah.

Well, we were both open to wearing

either black or white, but.

We found her dress that was

in white first, and so we were

like, okay, we'll do that.

Go along with the theme.

I love it.

Yeah.

All right.

Let's get into this

week's wedding submission.

So people send me these stories.

I have not read it yet, so I

don't know what's gonna happen

and We'll, please, I just

thought of my thing.

Can I tell you everything?

Oh, yeah, please do.

This is actually more of a long answer.

this is not a rapid fire answer,

and that's probably why I

didn't think of it right away.

I have a hot take though in terms

of a style thing that, okay.

I leave at home.

and it's just that I think formal

attire, my definition of formal attire

differs from the average person.

Mm-hmm.

But specifically at weddings.

Okay.

in that, our dress codes at wedding,

be it the guest dress code or just like

what we were to, weddings in general

needs to stay at home in general.

Like those need to go die, because they

need to go to jail, whatever, because

they are so obnoxious and limiting for

queer people specifically, or like any

type of non-traditional person trying

to feel themselves because how are

you going to express yourself in a way

that is outside of the social norm?

If you're like not fitting into

traditional standards of formal attire,

if it's not a suit or a dress, Because

if you think about it this way, people

who don't fit into the standard norms

of traditional attire, suit or dress, if

you're a celebrity, all you do is wear

something super chic, high-end fashion.

Maybe it's a t-shirt and shorts, but

it's Balenciaga, and you still walk

the runway and you still look chic

as fuck, and you're still slaying.

And that's great because your name

is Billie Eilish and it's branded and

it's really cool, you that's awesome.

But why can you do that on the

red carpet and not at a wedding?

why is the decorum for a red

carpet moment so different than

the decorum at someone's wedding?

And I understand that the marketing

moment is a little bit different than

someone else's wedding, but why is

the formality of a red carpet event,

which should be the most formal event.

So different than the decorum of someone's

wedding, which should be your average

Joe's most formal event in your lifetime.

So why does a celebrity's red carpet

event have a different definition

for formal than our, our average

person's definition Of formal?

Because for queer people being

something other than suit

and dress is not acceptable.

In our definitions of formal attire,

there is no I'm gonna wear something

outside of those norms that fits

into formal, semi-formal black tie.

There's nothing that fits into that.

Experimenting into different things

doesn't fit into those categories

because it's not socially acceptable.

Socially acceptable is what

fits into those categories.

Mm-hmm.

And like there's no way to experiment

with new things with those dress codes.

It just doesn't work.

Yeah.

my whole goal, my purpose is to try to

change the definition to align more with

the red carpet definition where like if

you're most comfortable in a t-shirt and

shorts, great, let's fucking elevate that.

So it's a red carpet t-shirt and shorts,

Mm-hmm.

Like, let's get you a t-shirt.

I know a lot of high-end t-shirt and

shorts and it'll look high-end as well.

It's not like it's gonna look

like Adam Sandler, like it'll look

high-end, there are existing really,

really nice and really, really cool

embellishments on t-shirts and shorts.

So it's like, we'll get you there.

But why isn't that

acceptable for a wedding?

It wouldn't be today,

so I've never been to a wedding where

it's like very specific, wear this.

But I've seen more and more people

do it where they're like, only

wear these three colors, or only

wear this style of clothing.

I feel like it's a bit much sometimes

we're talking to the planner, as the

planner in me, sometimes I'm like,

okay, here's the vibe we're going for.

'cause have you ever gone like

invited to something and you're like.

where are we getting married at?

What's the style?

Mm-hmm.

Like, you're like, do

I wear a formal dress?

Do I wear a cocktail style dress?

Am I wearing my jumpsuit?

that kind of thing.

So I like some guidelines, but yeah,

you're, make a really good point.

No, direction is totally helpful.

Mm-hmm.

we talked about that

with the wedding party.

It's definitely true for the guests as

well because I dunno, you don't wanna be

like the one that's sticking out Yeah.

At someone else's wedding.

as a queer person, especially going to

a hetero wedding as a queer person, you

don't wanna stick out too much and you

wanna also be yourself at the same time.

Hmm.

It's

like a really hard balance.

I just feel like a lot of queer people

have a hard time with formal attire

and like weddings are just one of

the hardest places to be, I think.

Yeah, a lot of the options for like

androgynous attire, I think are too

adventurous for a cape a scarf around your

neck I feel like would be too flamboyant.

because if I said gender neutral, like,

most people would think masculine, right?

Yeah, that's true.

'cause like gender neutral in my head

means like gender fluid or androgynous

or something that's like a mix of both.

but that would mean it has

to be somewhat feminine.

And most people would think it, means

like a suit, like masculine, something

that's at least neutral and masculine.

So it's acceptable to everyone,

I never thought about that.

You're right.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Gender neutral.

And so it's like more masculine.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

It's really challenging to find

something that is actually androgynous

or gender neutral or something that's

acceptable for people to feel comfortable

in, because that is oftentimes not

the expectation of everyone else.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's really hard.

but the only reason I say that is

because I feel like there's a lot

of, people whose expectations about

formal attire are very different from

queer people whose expectations for

formal attire are like very different.

Yeah.

I just feel like we need to all dress

ourselves in a way that makes us

happy and walk away and that's it.

somebody said to me once on TikTok,

I posted a video, I. They said what

looks like non-traditional formula

attire to you for someone's wedding.

And I posted a bunch of pictures that

were of the designer that designed

my wedding attire and I love her.

Her name is Ophelia.

She's great.

One of the pictures was of like a

sheer silk organ organza hoodie, and it

was mini dress, a hoodie, mini dress.

It was gorgeous.

And it was like, silk organ

organza, oversized hoodie.

Like really cool.

And they were like

Draw strings.

Like on a hoodie.

have no place in formal at tire.

Why is that there?

And I was like.

you're really telling me

something like silk organza

has no place in formal attire.

Like you have no idea

what you're talking about.

You know what I mean?

Right.

This person like literally has no idea

what they're talking about, but we

are so twisted in what we think formal

attire means and our understanding

of suit and dress is all rooted in

like white supremacy and patriarchy.

It's so terrible.

So it's like something we really

need to shift our understanding into.

sorry.

that was a rant, but it felt

like that needed to be said.

No, I loved it.

I love the hot takes.

'cause I feel like it opens

up good discussion for, people

listening too to be like, wait, I

never thought about it that way.

Or, I think you're right about,

the weddings in general or events

in general put a lot of pressure

on people to fit a certain mold

and, there's like expectations of

like how to look, how to dress.

and I feel like as a queer stylist, you're

sharing so much more from your perspective

and what you see personally, I think

that brings a whole new, take on it.

No, I, I'm, I appreciate, I see.

I'll say one more thing about queer

weddings versus hetero weddings.

You see, when people try to, theme

their weddings sometimes Or Dress codes

mm-hmm.

Or

stuff like that.

the theme upstage the bride, more

often you see that at queer weddings.

I don't know why.

That's interesting.

Yeah.

I actually saw a viral post about

upstage the bride, and I loved it.

And that was the first time I had seen it.

love that so much.

Yeah.

I wonder if it's like, it runs in

because it's like the traditional, hetero

wedding, it's like the traditional,

bride is the queen star of the

show.

I don't know.

We talked about our dress code being

Met Gala themed for a long time.

just so that everyone popped the fuck off.

cause we wanted something like that.

and then we realized we didn't

want people spending a ton of

money, just on the retirement.

so we did do that.

But, I don't know what it is

about the traditional culture that

does that, but it's interesting.

Yeah, because I've even heard

people say like, don't wear, Bright

red dress to my wedding dress.

Yes.

Where is this and where

does that come from?

I don't know.

And see, I'm someone where

I'm like, I didn't care what

people wore in my wedding.

One of my closest friends wore

a bright, like a hot pink dress

and looked amazing on her.

I had five people wear

hot pink to my wedding.

Yes.

It was like, good,

thank

you.

You look great.

Yeah.

Someone could have showed up at

White in my wedding too,

and I would not have cared.

I'm not that.

My

sister had like a white cardigan and she

was like, I didn't wanna outshine you.

And I said, honey, no

one's outshining me today.

I was like, are you kidding?

Not worried.

Are you kidding?

And she was like, did

you really just say that?

And I was like, do you really

think you're outshining me today?

I feel like I'm not, I'm not

worried in the slightest.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I just feel like let people be themselves.

I the least of my concerns of what

people were wearing to my wedding.

Yeah.

I didn't really care.

Okay.

Let's get into this story thing.

Yeah.

We'll just react as it as we read it.

or I'll just, we'll just kind

of stop and share our thoughts.

Okay.

Here we go.

My older brother got engaged

six months after I did, which

annoyed my mother a bit.

She would have preferred my wedding to

happen first, but it didn't bother me.

I was close to my brother

and happy for him.

only been dating his girlfriend for a

short time compared to me and my now

husband who'd been together for years.

He got engaged six months after

she got engaged, or six months

after she got married, I'm

guessing, after she got engaged.

Okay.

So what's the problem?

Because the mom got upset.

I get so many stories sent to me

where parents or siblings get mad if

they're not engaged or married first.

That's weird.

It's weird.

And it's like this rivalry or like

sister-in-laws if like the younger

one gets engaged first or married.

Yeah.

There's like so many stories like that.

she doesn't care, but it's like

the mom seems annoyed by it.

my brother set his wedding date

for exactly one year after mine.

I was pregnant at his wedding due

just a few weeks after the big day.

It was very warm day, which isn't

ideal when you're heavily pregnant.

My sister-in-law had booked

their wedding in a local church

right after a large parish event.

The car parking lot was packed when

we arrived and and we were nearly

reversed into, on my side of the car.

Not a great start.

Then the bridal car broke down,

so everything started late,

which would obviously stress

out even the calmest bride.

Before the wedding, my brother

asked if we could make it to family

photos, which were scheduled in a

location that was out of our way, not

between the church and the reception.

I asked if they could take family photos

at the church and do bridal party photos

at the other location, but they said no.

So after the ceremony, which was only 10

minutes from my house, we went home so I

could briefly rest and eat by that stage.

I was very warm and very

tired having been up early.

Then my sister calls in a panic asking

where we were saying that the photos

were starting and we needed to hurry.

We were 25 minutes away

from the photo location.

Everything was running late

due to the ceremony's delay.

We rushed there wondering why

they couldn't take photos.

In the meantime, they were waiting

on the bride's, two brothers

who were notoriously late.

When we finally got to the wedding,

to take photos, my husband wasn't in

the main sibling shot, as in it was

just my brother and his siblings.

After that, the bride approached

my husband and complained that

we were late saying it wouldn't

have happened at our wedding.

I could see the anger in my husband's

face, but I didn't know what was wrong

until he told me later I was livid.

It sounds like a lot of like the

communication and just like people.

Wanting it their own way.

for the rest of the day.

I kept my distance from them

and honestly, it ruined the

day for the side of the family.

For comparison, my own ceremony

had been just five minutes from

where we took family photos the

reception was only 20 minutes away.

All minimal travel and on the same route.

Also, no one at my family

was heavily pregnant.

Her own sister was,

you can't help that girl.

I'm sorry.

people have gotten on me before

when I like critique the story

a little bit, but it sounds like

she's wanting to be catered to.

a little bit.

If,

if they found a setting they really

like for photos on their wedding

day, they should be able to have it.

and her comparing the route being only

five minutes away, I don't know, we

literally walked a mile from our apartment

to the national Mall to go get food.

And that's like a 20 minute walk.

and we just did that for Fonzie.

Yeah.

it's, I dunno.

it was cool and it was fine.

If it was 30 minute walk, we

probably still would've done it.

Yeah.

here's the thing, it sounds like a lot

of people were late and maybe they also

got yelled at, you don't know, right.

Maybe you shouldn't have

gotten yelled at, but.

I wasn't maid of honor

pregnant at a wedding.

I wouldn't say heavily.

I was seven months, so I was pretty big.

But I wouldn't never have expected

them to cater things to me, I

didn't, yeah, that part of the

story was kind of wild when she was

like, I called to see if they could

do photos at a different location.

Yeah.

I was like, changed.

I literally, I was like, was

I supposed to react to that?

'cause I was like,

I know.

I was like waiting for the punchline.

And I'm like, I'm not trying to

come out hard on this ride, but

the wedding I was in was like in

December, this was downtown Chicago.

Cold.

Yeah, cold.

We're outside.

I'm not gonna be like, you know what?

I'm pregnant.

I'd rather not be outside right now.

'cause No, you just skip the photos.

You're not in 'em If you

just skip it, just skip it.

Yeah.

It's not, not, you're just not

in 'em.

And like you say, sorry,

I just can't do it today.

I'm pregnant as fuck.

And like you walk away they do their thing

and you do yours and that kind of sucks.

But it is what it is.

But you know.

Yeah.

we can't have our own expectations

for other people's weddings.

No, no, no, no.

That's where you

start getting irritated because it's like.

Let them have their day.

If you don't agree with it, you

don't have to be a part of certain

No.

And I think that conversation

probably should have happened before

even she asked, can you move the

Because if the bride was like, I'm

so heartbroken that you couldn't be

here, let's move the photos for you.

That should have been a ball in

her court decision rather than a

I'm gonna ask you to move them,

you know?

Yeah, a hundred percent.

Oh my gosh.

Okay, so this says her own sister

was heavily pregnant at her

wedding too, so she should have

understood, but it doesn't seem like

there's a problem with the sister.

I thought she said no one was

heavily pregnant at her wedding,

at her own wedding.

So this is at her brother's wedding.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, yeah.

Yeah.

And she said, so no one was

pregnant at her wedding.

Okay.

But at this wedding, she's pregnant

as well as the bride sister.

She couldn't stand.

a few days later when my brother and

his now wife stopped by my mother's

house, she said to me when my brother

was out of earshot that she should have

had a word with me about everything.

My mom shut that down and said she

absolutely would not say anything

to upset me, especially just weeks

before I was due to give birth.

I mean, saying you're gonna have a

word with someone sounds very like,

older, I'm gonna have a word with you.

I don't know.

That sounds like someone

trying to put you down.

I feel like they maybe should

communicate, to say you're gonna have

a word with someone, I don't know.

I'd gone outta my way.

Oh see, I'm already reading like,

okay, The sister wants to complain

and I hate that it's coming from

the person that sent the story.

'cause it's normally not.

This way, but I feel like she

feels like she was owed something.

It says I'd gone out of my way

to attend her bachelorette party,

even though her own sister who

was pregnant didn't feel up to it.

feels like she deserves a pat on the

back, but I'm like, didn't have to

go if you feel like she owed you.

and I was further along than

she was the whole situation.

Yeah.

That

she could have been having like health

issues with her pregnancy, right?

Like you don't know.

Yeah.

And it's not like, well I did this for

you, so you should move your photo shoot.

That's the thing

is love is not transactional.

Yes, yes.

Yeah.

And if it feels

transactional, then don't go

I feel like we see that so many

times, like especially with weddings.

Yeah.

People think if I do this

for you, then you owe me.

It's like the parents paying for the

wedding, you hear so many, they're like,

well, I'm paying for it so I can invite

my college friend you've never met.

It's like,

yeah, it's how it works.

I'll say a hot take on here.

One of my best friends from high

school, didn't come to my wedding.

she moved to Italy, uh,

five or six months ago.

Okay.

to be with her fiance who lives there.

and so he's like from there and

she started a new job recently

and she just like couldn't

make it back for the wedding.

I mean, very reasonable.

and is also planning her wedding for

September and she liked didn't confront

me or tell me that she couldn't make it.

She just like, a couple days

before the wedding was like,

I'm so sorry, I can't come.

And I was like, I wish you

would've told me sooner.

Oh yeah.

And

I was like, that sucks.

'cause I just didn't know.

And I asked her a few times

and she just wouldn't respond.

And I was like, I wish she

wouldn't have ghosted me about it.

Yes.

and now I'm like, expected to go to

her wedding in Spain in the fall.

but I'm gonna go, and I thought about

this for so long because I was like,

oh, I'm kind of upset that she did that.

But I'm also like, she probably just feels

bad and didn't know how to handle it.

And like, I just said, it's

not about transactional.

Like, I'm not just not gonna go

because she just couldn't come to mind.

Yeah.

And she would've, but

she could've, you know?

Right.

You're such a good friend.

No, I feel like, That's really hard to

pull yourself out of and be like, okay,

would I not go because she did this?

Or, because this happened, or it feels

so shitty of me, right.

To just not go to her wedding, you Yeah.

That feels like so dumb.

And I feel like, I don't know,

I catch that so many times with

people and I think we do it like,

and I've done it too, being like,

oh, they didn't come to this.

And it's like, well wait, it's

not, they didn't come to this, so

I go to that or don't go to that.

It's kind.

I go to it and do I want to go to it?

Like, yeah.

And I

do wanna go.

Yeah.

I'm like, even if she couldn't

be here, even if she could have

handled it better, I'm like, she

still my friend, I still love her.

I like flew to Italy and I picked

out her fucking wedding dress.

I wanna be there.

I wanna see it on her.

You know?

Oh, that's amazing

. Yeah.

So that was kind of weird.

And I forgive her and I

haven't talked to her.

She actually sent me a gift.

I should open it.

But anyways.

Yeah.

anyways, yeah.

But RSVPs are important.

I. Hate

response.

I hate, yeah.

Rss.

VP people.

Yes.

I hate when you have to reach

out to people and be like,

Hey, I haven't heard from you.

Or when people give you a maybe or

they're just like, we had that, we

didn't have to deal with it too much.

But I've heard of that.

That happens all the time where people

just, it slips their mind or they're

like, oh, maybe I'll get off work.

Or, you know, little things like

that where they just kinda like

keep you on tentative, I guess.

Yeah.

it says the whole thing caused

friction between me and my brother.

And we had always gotten along well,

honestly, I think she was just, oh,

just jealous that we got married first

and that I was pregnant at her wedding

as if I was stealing her limelight.

I don't, I hate that.

I just, girl, I don't

know if that's the case.

I

know.

That makes me so

sad.

I know.

'cause I normally.

I wouldn't say side.

I don't wanna, I don't pick

sides, it's just when I read

it, I just respond, right?

Mm-hmm.

I'd say most of the time when

whoever sends it to me, like they

witness whatever happens, and I'm

like, oh my gosh, that's terrible.

This is the first time.

I'm like, I think you're reading.

And is

this really the first time

that this has happened to you?

there's been a few times, like I've

done like YouTube readings of stories.

Yeah.

I like say like, I come hard on

the bride a little bit, and I'm

like, Ooh, but this didn't happen.

Or you assumed that she was doing this.

And the people in the comments are

like, you're coming hard on this bride.

I'm like, well, I'm just

trying to be levelheaded

if I can.

No, it felt, the, changing the location of

the pictures was wild to me because like,

can you imagine if you were the planner?

Yeah.

I'm expecting that they

didn't have a planner.

The fact that she called to ask to move,

they probably didn't have a planner.

Right.

Right.

' cause can you imagine the planner's

fucking face when she says your

sister wants to move the location?

Yeah.

Oh my God, she's pregnant.

Like, what?

What?

that's bonkers to me.

That is wild.

I would never ask a bride to change

a location no matter who I want.

Change the logistics of your

day, of your whole wedding day.

And we're talking 20 minutes.

It's not like an hour away.

No, no, no.

And even so, you don't have to go.

I know, like for one of my

friend's weddings, we, downtown

Chicago, we took buses all around

the city and we just took Yeah.

Pictures in different places.

and I think, I wanna say she had a

couple pregnant bridesmaids and mm-hmm.

There was food and drink on the bus.

Like, we were fine.

She took care of us.

I would never be like, Hey, you know

what, can you, that's wild because

remember everyone listening, like

you can say no to bachelorette party.

You can say no to being in a wedding.

They don't have to cater to you.

I

hate to, the whole bachelorette

thing also gets me because I'm

like, you could have said no.

Yeah.

I went and she didn't.

Is wild to me.

Yes.

Yeah.

Oh my gosh.

I feel bad for this girly though.

I know.

I feel like there must have been some

kind of animosity before, because

if this all happened then she's

getting the vibe that like, oh, she's

doing these things and purposely,

I feel like maybe she's bad at

telling stories and we missed

some key detail about this in that

there's like some childhood trauma or

something that we're missing because

I feel like this story is like way too

transparently against her for Yeah,

like what I like, gotta go back

and make sure I didn't miss like

a first paragraph or something.

here's my take.

And again, I might be reading into

it, but it's my job here, right?

So when she said, my mom seemed to

be bothered by it, but I wasn't,

I think she was bothered by it.

So I think in her mind, this whole thing,

she's thinking about the whole time like,

oh, they've only been dating this long.

Oh, they're getting

married right after me.

And so I think then everything just

kind of becomes a silent competition.

Yeah.

that's how I'm reading it, because

Oh, and so yourself.

it's a competition.

She's like, I went to the bachelor party

and I did this,

and I went to your wedding

pregnant, and so you have to

change the thing because of me.

Yeah.

And I planned out my schedule like this.

But you did it like this and you weren't

thinking about me the pregnant one.

Oh.

So that's how I'm reading

it.

You're right.

Uhhuh.

But

I'm

sorry.

You're right.

You're listening.

And, sorry, I'm not trying

to come hard on you.

okay, so she said that honestly, I think

she was just jealous that we got married

first and I was pregnant at her wedding

as if I was stealing her limelight.

How would she make you feel that way?

'cause she wanted you in the

wedding, in a part of the photos.

So I don't know.

We'd been together much longer and I feel

like she took out her frustrations on me

because her wedding didn't go as planned.

I feel like maybe it's

just the other way around.

I feel

I feel like I've seen that sometimes where

people who have been together for a long

time and then people get married who have

not known each other, who have not known

each other for very long, get married

and there's like a weird competition

between those two types of relationships

because they're like, oh, well you

haven't been together for very long.

Mm-hmm.

You know what I mean?

And they're like, well, you don't have

to have known each other for very long.

You know what

I mean?

Yes.

They try to like belittle it.

Yes.

Yeah.

I remember.

Okay.

So like I was saying earlier, like

my husband and I we were together

for six years before we got engaged.

Just 'cause like, I never wanted

to be like a super young married,

I was 23 when we got together.

But couples that met after us

or started dating after us, but

got married before us would make

comments like, married comments.

they'd be like, oh, when

you're married you'll get it.

And I'm like, we already live together.

I've what do you mean?

Like, oh, just something's magically

gonna happen when we get married.

And I'm like, oh, now I understand.

there was just so many comments of

like almost belittling our relationship

because we weren't legally married.

That's so weird.

That's so weird.

Yeah, it happened more times

I could count, I would just

learn to just like shut my mouth

because I was just like, that's so

weird.

Because

people are always like, oh, like do you

feel different now that you got married?

And I was like, no.

I mean, we've lived

together for how many years?

Like, we literally, our life goes

on and nothing changes the fuck.

You're just like solidifying for yourself.

we just decided to have a party for fun.

I don't know.

Exactly.

Yeah.

I feel like once you already live together

and have your stuff all in a place

together, it doesn't really change much.

No.

But legally we get to

save money on taxes, so

that is a plus.

Honestly, that's so rude

of the legal system.

Like why shit on singles like that?

but they literally have to support

themselves with one person's income.

That is so hard nowadays.

And not only that, you're gonna

deprive them of tax benefits.

yeah, it blows my mind.

Speaking of crazy wedding stories

that someone sent me about like.

Married versus long-term partner.

This girl sent me a story and she's a

young adult, so she's probably in her

twenties, She said an aunt of hers got

married and said, only married couples.

She goes, my parents never got

married, never got legally married, so

they've been together 30, 40 years.

Right.

My math might be off, but she's

like, my mom wasn't invited because

they're not legally married.

I thought, wait, they're inviting dad,

they're inviting his kids, but not

the wife, or not the long-term partner

because they're not legally married.

I thought, what a weird wedding rule.

Am I lost?

What do you mean they're

not inviting the wife.

well, she's not technically a wife.

Right, right, right.

But the Like the wife figure.

The wife figure, yeah.

Sot a wedding.

It was like a wedding.

It was like a fake wedding per se.

Without the wife figure.

Yeah.

It was her sister.

So her aunt, and she was like,

yeah, my mom wasn't invited.

'cause it was married, couples only.

Oh my God.

When everyone's document what?

Oh, that's great.

I'm like, that blows my mind.

Anyways, there's one last paragraph here.

Okay.

Oh, here we go.

I didn't say much about it afterwards, but

when my brother asked what she had said

to my husband, it really stuck with me.

For years, So he said the photographer

didn't wanna deviate from his list

of planned shots, which I agree with,

but surely a professional could have

worked around people being late.

Plenty of other photos could have

been taken while they waited.

I had to drive 30 extra minutes outta

my way to the reception just to be in

three photos, photos that could have

been easily taken at the ceremony.

I really tried to give her

the benefit of the doubt.

I'm trying, I really tried.

I hate to say this, but this is

entitled, this is really entitled, Uhhuh.

Oh, that sucks.

But maybe this is a wake up call.

I mean, I'm no therapist.

I'm just literally just reading

a story, reading a story.

So maybe I'm understanding wrong.

If you're listening and you've

got more context, send it my way.

Yeah.

Please, please send a response.

Yes, chime in.

But yeah,

that's the lesson is, if you are a part

of a wedding, I mean, you can say no.

another thing to take from

that is get a planner.

Because your photographer

shouldn't be your planner.

Yeah.

100%.

We hate that for planners

or for photographers.

That's really rude.

But, it like happens to a lot of

photographers that they have to like,

take over as planners when you don't have

one or a day of coordinator or something.

But yeah.

Yeah.

I got that vibe from my photographer

literally was the best ever.

She had a full on timeline.

Mm-hmm.

And I talked to other

brides, they're like.

I don't have one from my photographer.

I was like, maybe mine's like used to like

people not having planners or something.

Mm-hmm.

Little does she know I'm very anal.

I think

that's what the photographer for

my sister's wedding was like.

'cause she had everything planned out.

Yeah.

And I was like, afraid of that.

I was like, wow.

my photographer was like just

much more type B creative.

Okay.

And I was like, I don't want her

to be like worried about things.

And she was still really, and I

was like, I just don't want to

be like, worried about things.

I wanted the most laid back

wedding you could imagine.

And we did have that, so that was good.

But

yeah, when it's down to

the minute, that's a lot.

I'm someone I like to know what's

gonna happen and even something

about Krista eat was on there.

'cause like if I get distracted

by other things, I'll forget.

So it was like that.

Yeah.

Ours was

not down to the minute.

We had a lot of time in between things, so

for us it was like really, really relaxed.

That's good.

Yeah.

So it was not like most

weddings, which is awesome.

Yeah, I like that.

did you get these people's

names or No, for this story?

yeah, they usually send like their,

yeah, I don't know if I get their

name, but to this anonymous person,

I'm so sorry, but please reflect.

that's all I have to say.

and you know what?

The best is yet to come for you.

Okay.

It gets better.

Yeah, I think we're either missing a

lot of the story or I think there might

be some animosity that's happening.

And so like every little thing it's

not against you, you're not a victim,

is what I am kind of getting from.

I would just remind yourself that

when you're at someone else's wedding,

the wedding is about them for sure.

Mm-hmm.

For fucking sure.

Yeah.

Every time.

A hundred

percent.

I think so many times we hear these

stories and we're like, that's crazy.

And then like, we don't

see ourselves in them.

And so my guess is she probably was

like, oh yeah, they're gonna for

sure read this and be like, that's

crazy that she didn't do that.

But it's like we need to like, like

take a step back and be like, wait,

you're asking a bride and groom take

out that it's your brother and his wife?

Would you do this at any

wedding you're a part of?

Mm-hmm.

And if you wouldn't, then don't

do it at your brother's wedding.

No.

I feel like I couldn't even ask my

sister to do something like that.

Same,

yeah.

I'd be

mortified.

I would be mortified.

Oh my gosh, I don't even both

because would it be easier

to ask my sister or harder?

I don't even know.

I couldn't do it.

All right.

Well that's a crazy story.

Thanks for reacting with me.

well thanks for coming out

and hanging out with me today.

Yeah, of course.

Can you, tell everyone again where

they can follow you, find all

your content and anything exciting

that you're working on right now?

Yeah.

You can find me at Portrait of a Bride

on fire on Instagram and TikTok and

I am always working on fun things on.

Styling things.

If you ever need to be styled or if

you want to revamp your wardrobe or if

you have a wedding coming up that you

need to be styled for, let me know.

Awesome.

Well, thank you so much.