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Hi Tori.

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Thank you so much for coming on.

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Thank you for having me.

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I am so excited to talk to you.

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Like I said, I've been a

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huge fan of you for years.

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I think I found you in 2020 and

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your advice for women on finances

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like seriously changed my life.

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I'm not gonna get emotional

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geek a, but you just do so much

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for women you for being here.

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and can you just introduce yourself?

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Thank you for all those kind words.

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It's very sweet.

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that's the mission of our work, is to

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fight for women's financial rights.

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So I started her first a hundred

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K as a side hustle in 2016.

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I was working a nine to five

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in marketing, and then Donald

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Trump got elected and was 22.

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I had just graduated college and I

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thought I was coming into adulthood

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and into in a very different country

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than, what ended up happening and

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I wanted to do something about it.

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And that, election really radicalized me.

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I started having conversations with my

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woman friends, my girlfriends, they were

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coming to me and asking me questions about

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money, about how to pay off debt and how

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to save and how to invest in a Roth IRA.

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And I was lucky enough to have a really

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great financial education for my parents,

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I thought, well, maybe this is it.

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And as I grew in my own career

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and started realizing that.

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There were certain situations

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that I could not get out of

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because I didn't have the money.

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I couldn't leave that toxic job.

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I couldn't, move out of a certain

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situation because I didn't have the money.

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It was like, oh, this is the answer

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to a lot of what we struggle with.

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As a member of any minority group,

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when you have money, you have options.

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You have the ability to

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leave a toxic situation.

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You have the ability to donate to causes

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you believe in or to travel or to go

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to therapy, and you just show up as

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the best, baddest version of yourself

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when you are financially stable.

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I started experiencing that in my own

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life and I was like, this is the feeling I

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want for every single woman on the planet.

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So I started her first a hundred k. it

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is now a multi seven figure business.

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We have helped over 5 million women save

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money, pay off debt, start investing.

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our podcast Financial Feminist

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is the number one money

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podcast for women in the world.

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And I wrote a New York Times bestseller,

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also called Financial Feminist.

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And this is my favorite thing to do

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is fight for women's financial rights.

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I love it.

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And I thought you were the perfect person

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to have on this show because as we talk

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about weddings and events, and Yeah.

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Going to that next chapter, you know,

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if that's the next step, money is

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talked about so much when it comes

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into relationships, whether it's

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moving in together, getting married,

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getting engaged, it can be a problem,

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If it's done the right way,

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it can help a relationship.

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Right?

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Yeah.

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And so I feel like you are the perfect

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person to have on, because in a lot

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of these stories that people send to

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me, they're like, well, we don't know

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how to have a budget for the wedding.

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We don't know how to say no to

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people offering to pay and then

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dangling a string above us because

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they want control of the wedding.

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so I feel like money plays a

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huge part in this kind of next

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chapter that people kind of have.

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I.

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Yeah, absolutely.

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And it's interesting that you said

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that people are interested in having

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financial conversations because I

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love that it's usually not the case.

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We actually know that, unfortunately,

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the vast majority of people get

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married without having serious

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conversations about money.

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And it ends up being the number one

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reason or the number one cause of

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separation in relationships is financial

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problems, is lack of transparency.

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so.

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These conversations about money, hopefully

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start when you're dating and then continue

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to, when you get more serious and then

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when you move in together, and then when

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you start talking about being married.

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And then of course, the costs

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of the wedding it's typically a

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pretty substantial cost for people.

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And so I hope that everybody listening

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views money, and financial wellness as.

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Wellness with the rest of their lives.

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Right?

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We talk about mental wellness a

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lot in our society now, mental

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health, we talk about, of course,

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our physical health, our emotional

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health, but our financial health, I

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would argue, is absolutely paramount

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to all of the rest of those, right?

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We can't go to the gym.

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unless we have money to pay for

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the gym membership, we can't

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go to therapy unless we money.

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And especially in a healthy relationship.

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And especially before you, enter

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into this new season of your life.

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Shit's about to get really

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expensive, so you need to be having

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conversations with your partner and

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decide, what do I want my wedding?

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What do I want my marriage to look like?

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Mm-hmm.

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Yeah.

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No, you make a really good

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point about so many couples do

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not talk about money until Yep.

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They get to the wedding part or they're

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already married and they're like, oh shit.

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Like my partner.

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Has debt or this is going on and

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we've never talked about it, or how

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do we get through this together?

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and that's one thing I can straight up

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say, like, you helped me and my partner

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who I'm now married to, but at the time

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it's like we were living together, but

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it was like, how do we figure out bills?

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you know, we're kind of going through

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all these weird seizures together.

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so I think it's so important that we

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talk about it now in these stages.

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You know, anyone listening that's like

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currently engaged or with a partner

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moving in, it's so important to.

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Have those difficult conversations.

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And that's one thing you help me with

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too, is 'cause it's like, it's awkward

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to talk about, especially when you grow

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up being like, don't talk about money.

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It's taboo.

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Yeah.

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And you need to have

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those taboo conversations.

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Yeah, I mean, it's very similar to

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sex, And we're actually more likely

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to talk about any other uncomfortable

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topic before we'll talk about money.

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So we'll talk about sex,

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death, politics, religion.

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We will have mm-hmm.

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Any uncomfortable topic to spare us

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from having a conversation about money.

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But, I hope you're talking about

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your sex life with your partner.

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Mm-hmm.

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I hope you.

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Talk about what you like and what

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you want and what your desires

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are and how you enjoy pleasure.

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Right.

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That's a huge part of a

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romantic relationship.

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Mm-hmm.

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Is, your sexual health and your

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sexual, life with this other person.

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Money's no different.

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It's a little awkward to talk about.

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It's a little scary.

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there's a lot of emotional,

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baggage and typically trauma that

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you bring into that conversation.

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but we need to talk about it and

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especially with our life partner.

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Yeah, absolutely.

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Okay, so getting into it, I reached

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out to my audience to kind of ask

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about some general questions when

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it comes to weddings and budgeting.

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starting off, this is a big one, and

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I've seen some horror stories where

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people send them to me after about.

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Putting things on a

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credit card for a wedding.

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Oh yeah.

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And financing.

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And I even, which I felt terrible for this

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girl, she reached out to me, this is a

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while back about she was a maid of honor.

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Didn't understand the responsibilities.

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There was not really a communication.

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Yeah.

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And she ended up paying for every

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like bachelorette party, all on her

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credit card because she felt like

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she needed to be a good friend.

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Yeah.

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So is financing a wedding with a

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credit card a good or bad idea?

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And what are your thoughts on that?

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Yeah, let's talk about

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those two situations.

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So one, if you are the person getting

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married, how should I pay for it?

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But then I have a lot of hot takes too

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about the, bachelor, bachelorette parties.

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Yes.

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Because that is getting

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more and more expensive.

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Okay, so the first one, I do not want

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you going through what is hopefully

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one of the most beautiful, enjoyable

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days or experiences of your life,

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thinking, how am I gonna afford this?

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This is the same thing when people

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put vacations on credit cards.

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Like nothing tastes worse than a pina

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colada on the beach when you're trying

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to relax with a side of guilt and with

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a side of like, I'm gonna get home

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and the consequences will be there.

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Right?

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Yeah.

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I don't want anything souring this day.

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A lot of people go into debt,

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especially costly debt like credit

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cards because they're like, this

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is a once in a lifetime experience.

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Mm-hmm.

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So, yolo, it doesn't matter.

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And if you don't aren't familiar with

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my work, I am not the financial expert

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that shames you for spending money.

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I am the financial expert that

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shames you for being in debt.

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So I wanna level set that.

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However, again, I don't want

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this beautiful thing being.

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Potentially tarnished when you

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realize that you're gonna be paying

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it off for the next six months.

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Mm-hmm.

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Two years, five years, 10 years.

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And especially with credit card

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debt, that is the most costly kind

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of debt you are in debt, at least

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15% on average, 22% interest.

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For context, the average student

278
00:07:58,195 --> 00:08:00,085
loan right now is about five to 6%.

279
00:08:00,265 --> 00:08:01,821
So you're taking out

280
00:08:01,881 --> 00:08:04,251
five-ish times the amount.

281
00:08:04,555 --> 00:08:06,803
Of a student loan to, be able

282
00:08:06,803 --> 00:08:09,557
to take on what you're deciding

283
00:08:09,557 --> 00:08:10,667
to put on this credit card.

284
00:08:10,869 --> 00:08:12,325
And in addition,  what a lot of

285
00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:13,675
people don't understand about credit

286
00:08:13,675 --> 00:08:16,318
cards is that the interest compounds.

287
00:08:16,348 --> 00:08:17,655
So that means that the

288
00:08:17,655 --> 00:08:19,305
interest earns interest.

289
00:08:19,335 --> 00:08:20,805
Not all loans work this way.

290
00:08:20,805 --> 00:08:22,272
Mortgage mortgages typically don't

291
00:08:22,272 --> 00:08:24,418
work this way, but credit cards do

292
00:08:24,633 --> 00:08:26,402
so the interest, every day you're,

293
00:08:26,452 --> 00:08:28,848
in debt, it's earning you interest.

294
00:08:29,169 --> 00:08:30,075
And also that interest

295
00:08:30,075 --> 00:08:31,125
doesn't compound once a month.

296
00:08:31,125 --> 00:08:32,265
It compounds every day.

297
00:08:32,512 --> 00:08:34,865
So this is why credit card debt

298
00:08:34,865 --> 00:08:37,445
in particular, can be so damaging.

299
00:08:37,445 --> 00:08:38,615
It affects our credit score

300
00:08:38,615 --> 00:08:40,555
for, potentially years.

301
00:08:40,585 --> 00:08:42,822
It affects, just your ability to

302
00:08:42,822 --> 00:08:44,933
take on, you know, and get a loan for

303
00:08:44,933 --> 00:08:47,148
something like a house, in the future.

304
00:08:47,148 --> 00:08:48,108
And it also is just

305
00:08:48,138 --> 00:08:49,548
really, really expensive.

306
00:08:49,717 --> 00:08:52,044
So please don't finance your wedding

307
00:08:52,074 --> 00:08:53,754
and like that shouldn't be a hot take.

308
00:08:53,853 --> 00:08:55,043
I think anybody.

309
00:08:55,218 --> 00:08:56,545
Who is in the financial space is

310
00:08:56,545 --> 00:08:57,985
gonna give you the same advice.

311
00:08:58,215 --> 00:09:00,235
Now, there are ways that you can think

312
00:09:00,235 --> 00:09:02,555
about, the wedding of your dreams

313
00:09:02,808 --> 00:09:04,525
that don't involve credit cards,

314
00:09:04,525 --> 00:09:05,665
and we can talk more about that.

315
00:09:05,665 --> 00:09:08,238
I. The second thing, let's talk about

316
00:09:08,421 --> 00:09:11,688
the bachelor bachelorette commitments.

317
00:09:11,845 --> 00:09:14,885
I have been in one, bachelorette party

318
00:09:15,042 --> 00:09:17,165
and luckily it was not the kind of

319
00:09:17,165 --> 00:09:19,812
situation where it was like a week long

320
00:09:19,812 --> 00:09:23,345
bachelorette, in Cabo with the yachts

321
00:09:23,345 --> 00:09:26,165
and the bottle service, you I think

322
00:09:26,165 --> 00:09:29,285
transparency is gonna be the recurring

323
00:09:29,285 --> 00:09:31,775
theme of this episode, which is you need

324
00:09:31,775 --> 00:09:33,185
to be transparent with your partner if

325
00:09:33,185 --> 00:09:34,445
you're getting married, and you need to

326
00:09:34,445 --> 00:09:36,858
be transparent with your bridal party.

327
00:09:37,018 --> 00:09:38,275
So what that looks like, I was

328
00:09:38,275 --> 00:09:39,835
actually just talking to somebody

329
00:09:39,835 --> 00:09:42,405
the other day that they got a form

330
00:09:42,672 --> 00:09:45,025
with like, Hey, what's your budget?

331
00:09:45,262 --> 00:09:46,302
I'm getting married.

332
00:09:46,378 --> 00:09:48,382
know, they sent it to their, bridesmaids,

333
00:09:48,583 --> 00:09:50,212
what is your budget for these items?

334
00:09:50,212 --> 00:09:51,823
What your budget for dress?

335
00:09:51,823 --> 00:09:53,113
What is your budget for

336
00:09:53,113 --> 00:09:54,163
the bachelorette party?

337
00:09:54,418 --> 00:09:56,810
And then based on that, created

338
00:09:57,028 --> 00:09:59,348
the whole, bachelorette experience.

339
00:09:59,516 --> 00:10:01,678
So I think it's really important

340
00:10:01,853 --> 00:10:03,768
for the person getting married

341
00:10:03,828 --> 00:10:05,508
to lead that conversation now.

342
00:10:06,339 --> 00:10:07,456
If you are not the person getting

343
00:10:07,456 --> 00:10:10,636
married and you are dealing with the,

344
00:10:10,756 --> 00:10:12,526
oh my gosh, these costs keep adding up

345
00:10:12,526 --> 00:10:13,936
and I don't want to be a bad friend.

346
00:10:13,966 --> 00:10:16,006
It's something I hear a lot as well.

347
00:10:16,189 --> 00:10:16,549
okay.

348
00:10:16,673 --> 00:10:17,763
I'm gonna get a little spicy.

349
00:10:18,056 --> 00:10:18,429
I love it

350
00:10:19,179 --> 00:10:23,239
if, if someone in your life is demanding

351
00:10:23,239 --> 00:10:25,369
you go into debt to prove that you're a

352
00:10:25,369 --> 00:10:27,072
good friend, they're not a good friend.

353
00:10:27,252 --> 00:10:27,552
Yep.

354
00:10:27,882 --> 00:10:28,802
Like they're just not.

355
00:10:29,145 --> 00:10:31,115
And, if the bride is not.

356
00:10:31,382 --> 00:10:33,105
Sending out forms, having open

357
00:10:33,105 --> 00:10:34,335
conversations with you about

358
00:10:34,335 --> 00:10:35,320
how much things will cost.

359
00:10:35,835 --> 00:10:37,635
What you need to do is unfortunately

360
00:10:37,635 --> 00:10:39,435
take on the burden of that conversation,

361
00:10:39,675 --> 00:10:41,972
which is going to them and doing what I

362
00:10:41,972 --> 00:10:44,582
love is a gratitude sandwich of feedback.

363
00:10:44,642 --> 00:10:46,588
Okay, so you're gonna go, oh, thank

364
00:10:46,588 --> 00:10:47,938
you for asking me to be a bridesmaid.

365
00:10:48,689 --> 00:10:50,869
I am so honored that, you would think of

366
00:10:50,869 --> 00:10:53,016
me, our friendship means so much to me.

367
00:10:53,146 --> 00:10:54,916
nice piece of bread, gratitude

368
00:10:55,153 --> 00:10:57,643
meat is the part where you have to

369
00:10:57,823 --> 00:10:59,923
talk about what's going on in your

370
00:10:59,923 --> 00:11:01,243
brain and your body and your life.

371
00:11:01,243 --> 00:11:01,693
So.

372
00:11:01,849 --> 00:11:04,644
Then you're going, I either, finances are

373
00:11:04,644 --> 00:11:06,174
really tight right now and I really can't

374
00:11:06,174 --> 00:11:08,131
afford to be in the bridal party, but I

375
00:11:08,131 --> 00:11:10,081
would love to support you second piece of

376
00:11:10,081 --> 00:11:11,941
bread in any other aspect of the wedding.

377
00:11:12,081 --> 00:11:13,551
And I'm so excited I will be there with

378
00:11:13,551 --> 00:11:15,441
bells on to support you and your partner

379
00:11:15,644 --> 00:11:17,421
if you know you wanna be a bridesmaid.

380
00:11:17,421 --> 00:11:18,621
And maybe the conversations are

381
00:11:18,621 --> 00:11:19,671
happening where it's like, oh my

382
00:11:19,671 --> 00:11:21,371
gosh, yeah, we are gonna go to Europe.

383
00:11:21,636 --> 00:11:23,879
And you're like, I can't afford Europe.

384
00:11:24,149 --> 00:11:24,341
Yeah.

385
00:11:24,341 --> 00:11:25,116
Then you go.

386
00:11:25,573 --> 00:11:27,398
Again, so excited, so happy.

387
00:11:27,634 --> 00:11:30,091
I am not in the financial position

388
00:11:30,091 --> 00:11:31,351
to be able to afford this.

389
00:11:31,581 --> 00:11:32,544
and then give them options.

390
00:11:32,544 --> 00:11:33,751
You can say, Hey, can

391
00:11:33,751 --> 00:11:34,441
we go somewhere else?

392
00:11:34,441 --> 00:11:36,131
Instead, if you're committed to going

393
00:11:36,131 --> 00:11:37,788
to Europe, I'm gonna sit this one out.

394
00:11:37,986 --> 00:11:41,834
Or, I am going to come to half of the trip

395
00:11:42,016 --> 00:11:43,851
because I can't afford the whole thing.

396
00:11:43,881 --> 00:11:44,991
I'm gonna come to half and then

397
00:11:44,991 --> 00:11:46,862
I, I'm gonna have to jet, right?

398
00:11:47,079 --> 00:11:49,172
and so these conversations

399
00:11:49,172 --> 00:11:50,342
just need to be happening.

400
00:11:50,588 --> 00:11:52,695
I know it feels awkward, but I can tell

401
00:11:52,695 --> 00:11:55,282
you from the thousands of emails I have

402
00:11:55,282 --> 00:11:57,382
gotten, and I imagine you feel the same

403
00:11:57,382 --> 00:12:00,242
way, that the awkwardness is so much

404
00:12:00,242 --> 00:12:02,848
worse when the resentment kicks in.

405
00:12:03,028 --> 00:12:03,118
Mm-hmm.

406
00:12:03,118 --> 00:12:04,948
When you're going, oh my God.

407
00:12:04,978 --> 00:12:05,308
Okay.

408
00:12:05,711 --> 00:12:09,577
This has costing me $3,500 and I don't

409
00:12:09,577 --> 00:12:13,487
have $3,500, and it's very hard to

410
00:12:13,487 --> 00:12:15,767
be authentically celebratory for this

411
00:12:15,767 --> 00:12:18,567
person when you're harboring resentment.

412
00:12:18,567 --> 00:12:20,007
I don't know how you feel about this

413
00:12:20,127 --> 00:12:21,177
a hundred percent.

414
00:12:21,398 --> 00:12:22,893
I get stories all the time where

415
00:12:22,893 --> 00:12:25,200
people then, after the fact, they feel

416
00:12:25,200 --> 00:12:27,240
like, oh, I spent all this money and

417
00:12:27,390 --> 00:12:27,630
yep,

418
00:12:27,870 --> 00:12:29,220
we kinda dwindled away after the wedding.

419
00:12:29,250 --> 00:12:30,570
Or they just have all these

420
00:12:30,570 --> 00:12:32,130
feelings kind of built up.

421
00:12:32,350 --> 00:12:34,073
it goes back to feeling like they

422
00:12:34,073 --> 00:12:35,753
have to say yes to everything.

423
00:12:35,803 --> 00:12:36,283
And I get it.

424
00:12:36,283 --> 00:12:38,387
And I, felt really glad that, like, when

425
00:12:38,387 --> 00:12:40,097
it came time for my wedding, I had two

426
00:12:40,097 --> 00:12:41,910
bridesmaids that were like, Hey, I'm

427
00:12:41,910 --> 00:12:43,170
not gonna do the bachelorette party.

428
00:12:43,170 --> 00:12:44,625
And I was like, that's great.

429
00:12:44,715 --> 00:12:45,795
I want absolutely no

430
00:12:45,795 --> 00:12:46,695
pressure for you guys.

431
00:12:46,695 --> 00:12:47,985
I even told my maid of honor like.

432
00:12:48,037 --> 00:12:48,569
It's okay.

433
00:12:48,569 --> 00:12:50,419
Like these are optional.

434
00:12:50,627 --> 00:12:52,517
' I mean, I had been in plenty of weddings

435
00:12:52,517 --> 00:12:54,137
over the years and I saw how things can

436
00:12:54,137 --> 00:12:56,334
add up and it takes away, especially if

437
00:12:56,334 --> 00:12:58,324
you have kids or a partner at home, you

438
00:12:58,324 --> 00:12:59,884
don't wanna take off work sometimes.

439
00:12:59,884 --> 00:12:59,944
Yeah.

440
00:13:00,517 --> 00:13:00,967
I get it.

441
00:13:01,237 --> 00:13:01,717
I get it.

442
00:13:01,940 --> 00:13:03,090
And I think especially with a maid of

443
00:13:03,090 --> 00:13:04,860
honor, you need to be having conversations

444
00:13:04,860 --> 00:13:06,150
about what the expectations are.

445
00:13:06,339 --> 00:13:07,793
Because some weddings, it's just yeah,

446
00:13:07,793 --> 00:13:09,666
it's basically like, Fancy title,

447
00:13:09,666 --> 00:13:11,430
but I don't expect anything of you.

448
00:13:11,613 --> 00:13:13,080
And for some, it's like you are

449
00:13:13,080 --> 00:13:15,506
a project manager full time, so

450
00:13:15,696 --> 00:13:17,316
you need to have a conversation.

451
00:13:17,316 --> 00:13:20,013
And also what inevitably happens is

452
00:13:20,013 --> 00:13:21,453
that a lot of people get into the

453
00:13:21,453 --> 00:13:22,533
excitement of the wedding, right?

454
00:13:22,533 --> 00:13:23,793
We've all seen father of the bride.

455
00:13:23,793 --> 00:13:25,200
It's like you get in the excitement

456
00:13:25,200 --> 00:13:26,430
of the wedding and the wedding keeps.

457
00:13:26,793 --> 00:13:27,961
Getting crazier.

458
00:13:28,093 --> 00:13:29,378
So if you are the maid of honor

459
00:13:29,378 --> 00:13:30,518
and you committed to something

460
00:13:30,518 --> 00:13:32,511
that has now changed, it's time to

461
00:13:32,511 --> 00:13:34,191
have another conversation of just,

462
00:13:34,251 --> 00:13:35,901
again, I'm so excited for you all.

463
00:13:35,901 --> 00:13:37,281
This seems so incredible.

464
00:13:37,281 --> 00:13:38,445
I want you to have the

465
00:13:38,445 --> 00:13:39,825
wedding that you want.

466
00:13:40,036 --> 00:13:40,485
Mm-hmm.

467
00:13:40,491 --> 00:13:40,740
However.

468
00:13:41,593 --> 00:13:42,728
I'm at capacity here.

469
00:13:42,832 --> 00:13:45,021
I can't do all of the things you're asking

470
00:13:45,021 --> 00:13:47,198
me to do, and I'd rather come to you and

471
00:13:47,198 --> 00:13:50,488
talk to you about it than feel secretly

472
00:13:50,518 --> 00:13:52,252
harboring again, resentment mm-hmm.

473
00:13:52,258 --> 00:13:53,031
Or feelings.

474
00:13:53,245 --> 00:13:54,064
' cause I want this to be

475
00:13:54,064 --> 00:13:55,084
a positive experience.

476
00:13:55,084 --> 00:13:56,644
So those are the kind of conversations

477
00:13:56,644 --> 00:13:58,317
you have to have that again, might

478
00:13:58,317 --> 00:14:00,378
feel uncomfortable, but ultimately.

479
00:14:00,786 --> 00:14:04,403
I want everybody to be able to enjoy this

480
00:14:04,403 --> 00:14:06,563
experience, to be able to enjoy this day.

481
00:14:06,793 --> 00:14:09,583
And the resentment, the, guilt,

482
00:14:09,613 --> 00:14:12,000
the shame is not going to lead

483
00:14:12,000 --> 00:14:13,470
to an enjoyable experience.

484
00:14:13,640 --> 00:14:13,950
Right.

485
00:14:14,010 --> 00:14:14,340
Yeah.

486
00:14:14,593 --> 00:14:15,897
And absolutely like, you said.

487
00:14:16,525 --> 00:14:18,875
You're so, nervous about telling

488
00:14:18,875 --> 00:14:20,422
a bride that, that they're gonna

489
00:14:20,422 --> 00:14:21,922
like end your friendship over it,

490
00:14:21,922 --> 00:14:22,852
then they're not a good friend.

491
00:14:22,852 --> 00:14:23,002
That

492
00:14:23,002 --> 00:14:23,992
tells you a lot.

493
00:14:24,022 --> 00:14:25,462
That tells you a lot.

494
00:14:25,582 --> 00:14:25,672
Mm-hmm.

495
00:14:25,864 --> 00:14:27,874
and what you can do is if you're in

496
00:14:27,874 --> 00:14:29,611
the bridal party, and I would recommend

497
00:14:29,611 --> 00:14:31,358
this for brides as well, is you do

498
00:14:31,358 --> 00:14:33,188
need to sit down and be like, okay.

499
00:14:33,426 --> 00:14:35,616
head to toe, what is every

500
00:14:35,616 --> 00:14:37,936
single cost going to be now?

501
00:14:38,068 --> 00:14:39,389
Bachelorette party, right?

502
00:14:39,389 --> 00:14:41,489
The obvious costs are a flight if you're

503
00:14:41,489 --> 00:14:44,253
getting on a flight, lodging, restaurants,

504
00:14:44,283 --> 00:14:46,083
experiences, but it's also like.

505
00:14:46,288 --> 00:14:47,704
Uber's to and from the airport.

506
00:14:48,034 --> 00:14:48,124
Mm-hmm.

507
00:14:48,424 --> 00:14:50,058
It's also the, matching

508
00:14:50,058 --> 00:14:51,888
bachelorette t-shirts.

509
00:14:51,948 --> 00:14:52,038
Right.

510
00:14:52,128 --> 00:14:54,508
It's the, drinks at the bar.

511
00:14:54,661 --> 00:14:57,171
And then a lot of people, are

512
00:14:57,308 --> 00:14:59,131
taking, the bridal party is

513
00:14:59,131 --> 00:15:01,351
paying for the bride's experience.

514
00:15:01,519 --> 00:15:03,514
Is that part of the expectation?

515
00:15:03,673 --> 00:15:05,568
If so, how is that being split?

516
00:15:05,766 --> 00:15:07,391
Is it just the maid of honor?

517
00:15:07,391 --> 00:15:07,751
Is it.

518
00:15:07,756 --> 00:15:09,016
Split, you know, if there's five

519
00:15:09,027 --> 00:15:10,721
bridesmaids, is it split five ways?

520
00:15:10,721 --> 00:15:12,194
Like those are the conversations you

521
00:15:12,194 --> 00:15:14,334
wanna have because again, you don't

522
00:15:14,334 --> 00:15:15,874
wanna be in the moment when you've

523
00:15:15,874 --> 00:15:18,507
had a couple margaritas and you're

524
00:15:18,507 --> 00:15:20,697
feeling good, and then you start

525
00:15:20,697 --> 00:15:22,947
making a plan like you are inebriated.

526
00:15:22,947 --> 00:15:24,987
It's not an authentic plan.

527
00:15:24,992 --> 00:15:25,176
Mm-hmm.

528
00:15:25,459 --> 00:15:27,914
And again, nothing tastes worse than

529
00:15:27,914 --> 00:15:29,354
a pina colada with a side of guilt

530
00:15:29,427 --> 00:15:30,757
that applies to everything here.

531
00:15:30,787 --> 00:15:32,107
Nothing tastes worse than a beautiful

532
00:15:32,107 --> 00:15:33,894
wedding with a side of credit card debt.

533
00:15:33,924 --> 00:15:35,184
Nothing tastes worse than.

534
00:15:35,406 --> 00:15:36,874
having a great experience in the moment

535
00:15:36,874 --> 00:15:38,674
and then waking up and going, shit, I

536
00:15:38,674 --> 00:15:40,234
had to put all of that on my credit card

537
00:15:40,234 --> 00:15:41,614
last night because I can't afford it.

538
00:15:41,864 --> 00:15:43,841
So again, you have to have conversations,

539
00:15:43,841 --> 00:15:44,981
but you also need to make a

540
00:15:44,981 --> 00:15:46,871
financial plan when everything's.

541
00:15:47,104 --> 00:15:49,679
Fine when nothing is crazy, when

542
00:15:49,679 --> 00:15:51,479
you haven't planned anything yet.

543
00:15:51,717 --> 00:15:53,099
So you have the foundation that

544
00:15:53,099 --> 00:15:54,969
you need to stick to when there's

545
00:15:54,969 --> 00:15:57,579
temptation to veer away from the plan.

546
00:15:57,867 --> 00:15:58,402
Yes.

547
00:15:58,402 --> 00:15:59,902
Oh my gosh, that's such good advice.

548
00:16:00,144 --> 00:16:02,159
So, I mean, I feel like that kind of

549
00:16:02,159 --> 00:16:03,629
covers when we're talking about, you

550
00:16:03,629 --> 00:16:05,069
know, managing your expectations.

551
00:16:05,297 --> 00:16:07,042
So going into more of like the

552
00:16:07,042 --> 00:16:08,452
wedding, I know we're talking about,

553
00:16:08,452 --> 00:16:09,922
so don't, put it on a credit card.

554
00:16:10,137 --> 00:16:10,409
Yeah.

555
00:16:10,469 --> 00:16:11,729
What would you say to someone that's

556
00:16:11,729 --> 00:16:14,359
like, how do I. Budget for this wedding.

557
00:16:14,359 --> 00:16:16,159
How do I kind of plan for this?

558
00:16:16,382 --> 00:16:17,472
and I always tell people too, I'm

559
00:16:17,472 --> 00:16:19,482
like, let go of expectations of others.

560
00:16:19,512 --> 00:16:21,239
'cause I think a lot of times people want

561
00:16:21,239 --> 00:16:23,789
this big, huge wedding with 500 people.

562
00:16:23,991 --> 00:16:25,849
For other people, they don't think about

563
00:16:26,029 --> 00:16:27,889
what do my partner and I actually want?

564
00:16:27,919 --> 00:16:29,209
What's true to us?

565
00:16:29,447 --> 00:16:31,567
Yeah, I think you make a great point

566
00:16:31,567 --> 00:16:33,187
where that's what you need to start

567
00:16:33,187 --> 00:16:36,064
with is sitting down and having

568
00:16:36,064 --> 00:16:37,384
a conversation with your partner.

569
00:16:37,414 --> 00:16:39,214
What wedding do we wanna have?

570
00:16:39,444 --> 00:16:41,607
And it's not what wedding does

571
00:16:41,607 --> 00:16:42,987
Aunt Marge want us to have?

572
00:16:42,987 --> 00:16:45,777
What wedding does my mom want us to have?

573
00:16:45,777 --> 00:16:47,551
It's what wedding do we

574
00:16:47,551 --> 00:16:49,251
want to have, because.

575
00:16:49,481 --> 00:16:52,391
Ultimately, again, it is your day, and I

576
00:16:52,391 --> 00:16:54,404
know there's a lot of familial pressure.

577
00:16:54,404 --> 00:16:56,474
I know that there's a lot of people,

578
00:16:56,474 --> 00:16:57,854
a lot of cooks in that kitchen.

579
00:16:58,051 --> 00:16:58,194
Yep.

580
00:16:58,194 --> 00:16:59,881
But ultimately, this

581
00:16:59,881 --> 00:17:02,557
wedding is about a marriage.

582
00:17:02,704 --> 00:17:04,427
The wedding is one day or for the

583
00:17:04,427 --> 00:17:06,494
crazy people, you know, a two weeks.

584
00:17:06,494 --> 00:17:06,734
Right.

585
00:17:06,901 --> 00:17:09,437
But the wedding is the

586
00:17:09,437 --> 00:17:11,207
beginning of a marriage.

587
00:17:11,451 --> 00:17:11,524
Mm-hmm.

588
00:17:11,764 --> 00:17:13,024
You are in partnership

589
00:17:13,024 --> 00:17:14,164
with this other person.

590
00:17:14,421 --> 00:17:16,261
You are not in partnership with your mom

591
00:17:16,261 --> 00:17:18,351
or your mother-in-law, like you're not

592
00:17:18,351 --> 00:17:19,521
in a marriage with your mother-in-law.

593
00:17:19,742 --> 00:17:21,304
You're not in a marriage even with,

594
00:17:21,334 --> 00:17:22,954
your maid of honor, best friend

595
00:17:23,014 --> 00:17:24,731
you are in a partnership in a

596
00:17:24,731 --> 00:17:27,564
marriage with your life partner.

597
00:17:27,776 --> 00:17:29,247
You need to make decisions and

598
00:17:29,247 --> 00:17:31,197
start acting like you're in a

599
00:17:31,197 --> 00:17:33,274
marriage when you get married.

600
00:17:33,514 --> 00:17:33,754
Mm-hmm.

601
00:17:34,024 --> 00:17:35,464
The wedding is just a day.

602
00:17:35,602 --> 00:17:36,941
The marriage is a lifetime,

603
00:17:36,971 --> 00:17:38,291
so you need to decide what you

604
00:17:38,291 --> 00:17:39,581
actually want with your partner.

605
00:17:39,856 --> 00:17:41,471
Now, again, easier said than done

606
00:17:41,471 --> 00:17:43,121
when there's a lot of voices.

607
00:17:43,121 --> 00:17:43,181
Yeah.

608
00:17:43,271 --> 00:17:45,281
However, I think getting on the same

609
00:17:45,281 --> 00:17:47,171
page without any of that pressure

610
00:17:47,171 --> 00:17:49,081
first, and maybe it's journaling

611
00:17:49,081 --> 00:17:51,091
separately, like what do I actually want?

612
00:17:51,091 --> 00:17:52,891
And again, not what have I seen in

613
00:17:52,891 --> 00:17:54,871
movies that tells me what I should want?

614
00:17:55,119 --> 00:17:58,027
What have I seen other people do that

615
00:17:58,027 --> 00:18:00,277
gives me a little bit of envy or jealousy?

616
00:18:00,482 --> 00:18:01,917
Like, what do you actually want?

617
00:18:02,157 --> 00:18:02,607
Mm-hmm.

618
00:18:02,967 --> 00:18:04,317
Then you need to ask

619
00:18:04,317 --> 00:18:06,176
yourself, can I afford?

620
00:18:06,381 --> 00:18:07,897
What I actually want.

621
00:18:08,197 --> 00:18:08,557
Mm-hmm.

622
00:18:08,797 --> 00:18:09,697
Now, sometimes the answer

623
00:18:09,697 --> 00:18:11,107
will be, yeah, we can do that.

624
00:18:11,314 --> 00:18:13,061
And sometimes the answer will be no.

625
00:18:13,091 --> 00:18:14,051
We'd have to go into a

626
00:18:14,051 --> 00:18:15,251
lot of debt to do this.

627
00:18:15,461 --> 00:18:15,641
Mm-hmm.

628
00:18:16,264 --> 00:18:17,687
So we have to find a happy

629
00:18:17,687 --> 00:18:19,077
medium there because.

630
00:18:19,292 --> 00:18:22,472
A lot of times I want a Ferrari.

631
00:18:23,347 --> 00:18:26,617
I want, a seven month

632
00:18:26,617 --> 00:18:28,177
stay at the four Seasons.

633
00:18:28,367 --> 00:18:30,739
but that is not in my budget, right?

634
00:18:30,739 --> 00:18:32,266
So there's a lot of things that we

635
00:18:32,266 --> 00:18:34,782
can want, but that we can't afford.

636
00:18:34,975 --> 00:18:36,278
And again, I I cannot

637
00:18:36,278 --> 00:18:37,388
emphasize this enough.

638
00:18:37,580 --> 00:18:38,815
It is very easy to get in the

639
00:18:38,815 --> 00:18:39,805
yellow state of mind of like,

640
00:18:39,835 --> 00:18:40,945
hopefully we only get married

641
00:18:40,945 --> 00:18:42,565
once, so like we're gonna go crazy.

642
00:18:42,797 --> 00:18:44,535
I do not want this day to be

643
00:18:44,535 --> 00:18:46,425
haunting you four years because

644
00:18:46,425 --> 00:18:47,882
you could not afford it, right?

645
00:18:48,084 --> 00:18:49,908
So what do I want?

646
00:18:50,057 --> 00:18:50,882
Journal about that.

647
00:18:50,882 --> 00:18:51,572
Think about that.

648
00:18:51,572 --> 00:18:52,262
Come to your partner.

649
00:18:52,262 --> 00:18:53,462
What do we want together?

650
00:18:53,610 --> 00:18:55,258
And then what can we actually afford?

651
00:18:55,480 --> 00:18:57,212
So the best thing to keep in

652
00:18:57,212 --> 00:18:59,692
mind is that obviously weddings

653
00:18:59,692 --> 00:19:01,102
are gonna be very expensive.

654
00:19:01,376 --> 00:19:02,838
But you need to determine in

655
00:19:02,838 --> 00:19:04,008
the wedding what is really

656
00:19:04,008 --> 00:19:05,778
important to you about this.

657
00:19:06,078 --> 00:19:06,348
Mm-hmm.

658
00:19:06,508 --> 00:19:09,138
is it, I want this particular dress

659
00:19:09,168 --> 00:19:10,398
and I'm willing to compromise on

660
00:19:10,398 --> 00:19:11,988
other things in order to have that.

661
00:19:12,078 --> 00:19:12,468
Great.

662
00:19:12,678 --> 00:19:13,492
I was actually just thinking

663
00:19:13,492 --> 00:19:14,452
about this the other day.

664
00:19:14,622 --> 00:19:15,972
my partner and I, have been

665
00:19:15,972 --> 00:19:17,112
together for three years.

666
00:19:17,112 --> 00:19:18,072
I don't think we're getting married

667
00:19:18,072 --> 00:19:19,302
anytime soon, but I don't know why.

668
00:19:19,302 --> 00:19:20,112
I just thought about this.

669
00:19:20,112 --> 00:19:21,035
I'm like, what would be

670
00:19:21,035 --> 00:19:21,995
important at my wedding?

671
00:19:22,358 --> 00:19:24,158
And food is huge for me.

672
00:19:24,428 --> 00:19:24,698
Mm-hmm.

673
00:19:24,938 --> 00:19:25,808
And now I've turned my

674
00:19:25,808 --> 00:19:27,188
partner into a foodie as well.

675
00:19:27,188 --> 00:19:28,448
So I was literally thinking, I was like.

676
00:19:28,688 --> 00:19:29,860
When we get married, I think

677
00:19:29,860 --> 00:19:31,360
it will probably, like the

678
00:19:31,360 --> 00:19:32,740
food is gonna be the priority.

679
00:19:32,770 --> 00:19:34,420
'cause I want every guest at the

680
00:19:34,420 --> 00:19:36,100
wedding to eat really well and I

681
00:19:36,100 --> 00:19:37,630
wanna have like a memorable meal.

682
00:19:37,630 --> 00:19:38,423
So, okay.

683
00:19:38,423 --> 00:19:39,563
I would be willing to

684
00:19:39,563 --> 00:19:41,603
compromise on other things.

685
00:19:42,082 --> 00:19:44,455
Maybe that's, less crazy flowers, or I do

686
00:19:44,455 --> 00:19:48,085
my flowers myself, and I want good food,

687
00:19:48,085 --> 00:19:49,435
so I'm willing to compromise for that.

688
00:19:49,525 --> 00:19:49,705
Mm-hmm.

689
00:19:49,975 --> 00:19:51,055
My friend Paula Pant, who's

690
00:19:51,055 --> 00:19:52,525
another financial expert, says,

691
00:19:52,525 --> 00:19:54,055
you can afford almost anything.

692
00:19:54,055 --> 00:19:55,585
You just can't afford everything.

693
00:19:55,813 --> 00:19:56,202
Love that.

694
00:19:56,202 --> 00:19:58,182
And this is all of life, right?

695
00:19:58,182 --> 00:20:00,465
Is it's like, okay, I really

696
00:20:00,465 --> 00:20:01,515
wanna go see Taylor Swift.

697
00:20:01,780 --> 00:20:02,563
And a tour.

698
00:20:02,563 --> 00:20:04,063
A tour tickets are really expensive,

699
00:20:04,093 --> 00:20:06,623
so I am willing to not drink as much

700
00:20:06,623 --> 00:20:10,013
coffee or I'm willing to not, buy every

701
00:20:10,043 --> 00:20:13,017
piece of clothing I want to buy because

702
00:20:13,017 --> 00:20:14,547
I would rather do this other thing.

703
00:20:14,607 --> 00:20:16,467
So that's what you need to ask yourself.

704
00:20:16,497 --> 00:20:17,577
It's not deprivation,

705
00:20:17,577 --> 00:20:18,687
it's actually strategic.

706
00:20:18,717 --> 00:20:20,367
It's, I really want this thing.

707
00:20:20,625 --> 00:20:21,870
So I'm gonna compromise on this

708
00:20:21,870 --> 00:20:23,520
other thing so I can have this thing.

709
00:20:24,053 --> 00:20:26,543
So that becomes then the next conversation

710
00:20:26,543 --> 00:20:28,133
of what can we afford and then where

711
00:20:28,133 --> 00:20:30,473
do we want to really spend our money?

712
00:20:30,700 --> 00:20:30,970
Mm-hmm.

713
00:20:31,390 --> 00:20:32,560
And then you can kind of

714
00:20:32,560 --> 00:20:34,060
determine what the budget should

715
00:20:34,060 --> 00:20:36,820
be and also what, you know.

716
00:20:36,910 --> 00:20:37,090
Yeah.

717
00:20:37,090 --> 00:20:38,560
I don't wanna compromise on that,

718
00:20:38,680 --> 00:20:39,670
but I'm willing to compromise

719
00:20:39,670 --> 00:20:41,320
on this so I can have that.

720
00:20:41,548 --> 00:20:42,427
Yeah, I love that.

721
00:20:42,728 --> 00:20:43,748
that really ties into one of

722
00:20:43,748 --> 00:20:45,008
the biggest lessons I always see

723
00:20:45,008 --> 00:20:46,448
you talk about, and that's like.

724
00:20:46,672 --> 00:20:48,415
Not shaming people for the coffee,

725
00:20:48,415 --> 00:20:49,975
you know, buying your $4 coffee,

726
00:20:49,975 --> 00:20:51,628
whatever it is, if it's something that

727
00:20:51,628 --> 00:20:53,518
you enjoy and it's gonna bring you

728
00:20:53,518 --> 00:20:56,022
happiness on that day, then do it.

729
00:20:56,022 --> 00:20:57,012
And if that's something that's in

730
00:20:57,012 --> 00:20:59,022
your budget, but if you're just doing

731
00:20:59,022 --> 00:21:02,072
like a really fancy ballroom because

732
00:21:02,072 --> 00:21:03,422
your parents got married there and

733
00:21:03,422 --> 00:21:05,178
they are really pushing you, maybe

734
00:21:05,178 --> 00:21:06,438
let's say goodbye to that and do

735
00:21:06,438 --> 00:21:07,668
like a smaller venue, you know?

736
00:21:07,668 --> 00:21:07,726
Right.

737
00:21:07,726 --> 00:21:09,479
So that's a such a great point.

738
00:21:09,509 --> 00:21:10,409
'cause I think we get caught

739
00:21:10,409 --> 00:21:11,849
up in what everyone else wants.

740
00:21:12,459 --> 00:21:12,759
Yeah.

741
00:21:12,759 --> 00:21:14,979
Or it's okay, we need to invite your

742
00:21:14,979 --> 00:21:16,779
uncle and aunt that you haven't spoken to

743
00:21:16,779 --> 00:21:19,169
in 10 years just because they're family.

744
00:21:19,169 --> 00:21:21,765
And it's like, no, no.

745
00:21:21,855 --> 00:21:22,575
It's your wedding.

746
00:21:22,605 --> 00:21:23,475
You get to do whatever

747
00:21:23,475 --> 00:21:24,285
the hell you wanna do.

748
00:21:24,505 --> 00:21:26,439
And I think that, once you start

749
00:21:26,439 --> 00:21:27,789
setting those boundaries too with

750
00:21:27,789 --> 00:21:29,519
family, boundaries always feel

751
00:21:29,759 --> 00:21:31,459
like aggression for people who

752
00:21:31,459 --> 00:21:33,139
have never experienced a boundary.

753
00:21:33,459 --> 00:21:33,729
Mm-hmm.

754
00:21:33,999 --> 00:21:35,185
So it can just be like,

755
00:21:35,185 --> 00:21:35,995
no, this is our wedding.

756
00:21:35,995 --> 00:21:36,745
We're gonna do this.

757
00:21:37,173 --> 00:21:39,273
No, but no, this is our wedding.

758
00:21:39,273 --> 00:21:40,473
We're gonna do this and would love

759
00:21:40,473 --> 00:21:41,913
to see you, but if, this makes

760
00:21:41,913 --> 00:21:43,413
you uncomfortable, we'll see you,

761
00:21:43,413 --> 00:21:45,153
just see you at the reception or

762
00:21:45,153 --> 00:21:46,263
we'll see you for dinner after.

763
00:21:46,263 --> 00:21:47,660
Like, if they wanna uninvite

764
00:21:47,660 --> 00:21:49,160
themselves from their behavior, great.

765
00:21:49,160 --> 00:21:50,240
that's in their control.

766
00:21:50,393 --> 00:21:51,860
I think I'm better at boundaries set than

767
00:21:51,860 --> 00:21:53,777
the average person, but like that is the

768
00:21:53,777 --> 00:21:56,428
level of boundaries you need to have.

769
00:21:56,664 --> 00:21:58,356
On a wedding day because

770
00:21:58,601 --> 00:21:59,909
families are insane.

771
00:22:00,449 --> 00:22:00,539
Yes.

772
00:22:00,539 --> 00:22:02,916
And like you need to a hundred percent

773
00:22:02,916 --> 00:22:04,656
know what you and your partner want.

774
00:22:04,899 --> 00:22:06,823
Make sure you two are on the same

775
00:22:06,823 --> 00:22:08,143
team, you're on the same page,

776
00:22:08,416 --> 00:22:10,153
and you are staying committed

777
00:22:10,153 --> 00:22:11,053
to what you actually want.

778
00:22:11,349 --> 00:22:11,826
Yes.

779
00:22:12,029 --> 00:22:13,533
I always say like, if I would've

780
00:22:13,533 --> 00:22:15,483
gotten married to my now husband

781
00:22:15,483 --> 00:22:16,408
when we first started dating.

782
00:22:16,949 --> 00:22:17,879
would've been so different because

783
00:22:17,879 --> 00:22:19,049
I think I would've been so much more

784
00:22:19,049 --> 00:22:21,183
easily, like persuaded and, 'cause we

785
00:22:21,183 --> 00:22:23,493
were together like almost six years before

786
00:22:23,493 --> 00:22:25,389
we got engaged or before we got married.

787
00:22:25,621 --> 00:22:28,483
And so I was early twenties, you

788
00:22:28,483 --> 00:22:29,533
know, I feel like so much more

789
00:22:29,533 --> 00:22:31,183
easily like, yeah, I should do that.

790
00:22:31,183 --> 00:22:31,483
Okay.

791
00:22:31,483 --> 00:22:32,383
But also our budget

792
00:22:32,383 --> 00:22:33,343
would've been way smaller.

793
00:22:33,343 --> 00:22:34,579
So it's like, what would, I've

794
00:22:34,579 --> 00:22:36,079
gone into debt, who knows?

795
00:22:36,428 --> 00:22:37,538
so I feel like now like.

796
00:22:37,762 --> 00:22:38,958
By the time we did get married, it

797
00:22:38,958 --> 00:22:40,638
was like we saw our friends do it.

798
00:22:40,905 --> 00:22:42,158
We saw what things we liked and we didn't

799
00:22:42,158 --> 00:22:43,478
like, and then we were so much better

800
00:22:43,478 --> 00:22:44,708
at being like, this is what we want.

801
00:22:44,989 --> 00:22:46,314
We're not gonna have a huge wedding, we're

802
00:22:46,314 --> 00:22:48,274
gonna have, you know, a standard amount.

803
00:22:48,509 --> 00:22:49,664
If I haven't talked to you in over

804
00:22:49,664 --> 00:22:51,368
a year, you're not getting invited.

805
00:22:51,548 --> 00:22:52,718
That's just how it was.

806
00:22:52,995 --> 00:22:53,241
Yeah.

807
00:22:53,241 --> 00:22:55,244
And at the end of the day, like if

808
00:22:55,244 --> 00:22:57,451
we're just looking, at the legality of

809
00:22:57,451 --> 00:22:59,791
it, you and this person are signing a.

810
00:23:00,256 --> 00:23:02,236
Financial and legal contract.

811
00:23:02,506 --> 00:23:02,866
Mm-hmm.

812
00:23:03,196 --> 00:23:05,943
The wedding is something that, from

813
00:23:05,943 --> 00:23:07,653
a cultural and societal point we have

814
00:23:07,653 --> 00:23:09,513
now put on this, and again, especially

815
00:23:09,513 --> 00:23:10,713
if you're like a person of color,

816
00:23:10,713 --> 00:23:12,033
there's certain traditions, right?

817
00:23:12,033 --> 00:23:14,416
There's certain cultural, experiences.

818
00:23:14,649 --> 00:23:16,353
But at the end of the day, like.

819
00:23:16,927 --> 00:23:17,587
and this person are

820
00:23:17,587 --> 00:23:18,757
signing a legal contract.

821
00:23:18,787 --> 00:23:20,950
Everything on top can be whatever

822
00:23:20,950 --> 00:23:22,210
the hell you want it to be.

823
00:23:22,210 --> 00:23:22,300
Mm-hmm.

824
00:23:22,684 --> 00:23:25,264
We've just, in society, had a very

825
00:23:25,264 --> 00:23:29,880
specific version of what a wedding is.

826
00:23:30,104 --> 00:23:31,320
Even, white dress.

827
00:23:31,380 --> 00:23:33,030
So many people now are wearing red

828
00:23:33,030 --> 00:23:34,970
dresses, they're wearing, pants suits.

829
00:23:34,970 --> 00:23:35,960
They're not wearing dresses at all.

830
00:23:35,960 --> 00:23:36,050
Mm-hmm.

831
00:23:36,290 --> 00:23:36,380
Right?

832
00:23:36,584 --> 00:23:38,700
So there's so many ways that you can make

833
00:23:38,700 --> 00:23:41,654
this an authentic celebration of your

834
00:23:41,654 --> 00:23:43,304
love and excitement with this person.

835
00:23:43,614 --> 00:23:46,607
And it can be whatever you want it to be.

836
00:23:46,757 --> 00:23:48,137
It can just be, we're getting married

837
00:23:48,137 --> 00:23:50,027
at a courthouse and we're going and

838
00:23:50,027 --> 00:23:51,647
renting out the back room at a restaurant

839
00:23:51,851 --> 00:23:53,554
for the 20 people we want there.

840
00:23:53,664 --> 00:23:54,294
That's a wedding.

841
00:23:54,534 --> 00:23:55,570
It doesn't have to be a big

842
00:23:55,570 --> 00:23:56,710
hoopla if you don't want it to be.

843
00:23:56,974 --> 00:23:58,070
Yeah, I love that.

844
00:24:00,546 --> 00:24:00,936
Okay.

845
00:24:01,056 --> 00:24:02,886
I thought we would jump

846
00:24:02,886 --> 00:24:04,086
into a little wedding.

847
00:24:04,503 --> 00:24:05,772
Money, rapid fire.

848
00:24:05,772 --> 00:24:06,179
Love it.

849
00:24:06,179 --> 00:24:07,619
Just to kind of get things going.

850
00:24:07,619 --> 00:24:09,959
And then I've got a story that someone

851
00:24:09,959 --> 00:24:11,739
sent me and we'll kind of, react to that.

852
00:24:12,132 --> 00:24:13,392
So here we go.

853
00:24:13,482 --> 00:24:13,872
Okay.

854
00:24:14,166 --> 00:24:14,526
All right.

855
00:24:15,096 --> 00:24:15,606
I think I know what you're

856
00:24:15,606 --> 00:24:16,356
gonna say about this first one.

857
00:24:16,356 --> 00:24:16,626
Okay.

858
00:24:17,552 --> 00:24:17,912
Set.

859
00:24:17,912 --> 00:24:20,402
Set the guest list or set the budget.

860
00:24:20,646 --> 00:24:21,956
Yeah, I think we have to go budget

861
00:24:21,956 --> 00:24:25,007
first, but I think it can be a. You

862
00:24:25,007 --> 00:24:26,584
can do 'em at the same time of like,

863
00:24:26,614 --> 00:24:28,204
okay, I'm gonna have a general budget

864
00:24:28,204 --> 00:24:29,614
and then I'm gonna have the guest

865
00:24:29,614 --> 00:24:31,297
list and there's gonna probably be

866
00:24:31,297 --> 00:24:32,647
some people that don't make the cut.

867
00:24:32,879 --> 00:24:34,557
And it's your wedding.

868
00:24:35,077 --> 00:24:35,377
Yep.

869
00:24:35,677 --> 00:24:35,917
Yep.

870
00:24:36,249 --> 00:24:36,474
Got it.

871
00:24:36,534 --> 00:24:38,034
We always gotta keep saying that.

872
00:24:38,301 --> 00:24:40,911
cash fund or traditional gift registry.

873
00:24:41,237 --> 00:24:42,884
oh, you've given me the perfect

874
00:24:42,884 --> 00:24:44,354
opportunity to talk about something that

875
00:24:44,354 --> 00:24:45,674
I've been meaning to talk about forever.

876
00:24:45,674 --> 00:24:45,734
Yeah.

877
00:24:45,764 --> 00:24:46,184
Oh my gosh.

878
00:24:46,244 --> 00:24:46,304
Okay.

879
00:24:46,304 --> 00:24:46,634
I love it.

880
00:24:46,701 --> 00:24:47,774
Sorry, this is no longer rapid

881
00:24:47,774 --> 00:24:48,644
fire, but gimme a second.

882
00:24:48,644 --> 00:24:48,824
Okay.

883
00:24:48,824 --> 00:24:49,154
It's okay.

884
00:24:49,154 --> 00:24:49,484
I love it.

885
00:24:49,484 --> 00:24:49,814
So.

886
00:24:50,004 --> 00:24:52,014
Okay, so, you know how in, let's call

887
00:24:52,014 --> 00:24:53,664
it the fifties, fifties, sixties, right?

888
00:24:53,894 --> 00:24:54,721
And I'm gonna use the,

889
00:24:54,804 --> 00:24:56,334
heteronormative relationship here.

890
00:24:56,607 --> 00:24:58,057
When a man was marrying a woman,

891
00:24:58,087 --> 00:24:59,997
especially in, let's call it

892
00:24:59,997 --> 00:25:02,607
everything before really the 1970s,

893
00:25:02,824 --> 00:25:05,681
it was typically happening either.

894
00:25:06,082 --> 00:25:09,252
at 18, and the woman was not attending

895
00:25:09,282 --> 00:25:11,599
university, or it was happening basically

896
00:25:11,599 --> 00:25:13,249
the moment they graduated, or even, you

897
00:25:13,249 --> 00:25:14,989
know, the semester before they graduated.

898
00:25:14,989 --> 00:25:15,079
Yep.

899
00:25:15,411 --> 00:25:15,939
People were getting

900
00:25:15,939 --> 00:25:17,829
married extremely young.

901
00:25:18,071 --> 00:25:20,529
So especially women would

902
00:25:20,529 --> 00:25:21,999
literally go from their parents'

903
00:25:21,999 --> 00:25:23,835
house to their husband's house.

904
00:25:23,925 --> 00:25:24,525
That was it.

905
00:25:24,606 --> 00:25:24,911
Right?

906
00:25:25,000 --> 00:25:26,455
So you'd go and you'd live

907
00:25:26,455 --> 00:25:28,495
your 18 years with your family,

908
00:25:28,715 --> 00:25:29,678
and then you'd get married.

909
00:25:29,921 --> 00:25:30,727
Or you'd go to college and

910
00:25:30,727 --> 00:25:31,417
then you'd get married.

911
00:25:31,599 --> 00:25:33,974
So you did not have a life that

912
00:25:33,974 --> 00:25:36,014
was not living with somebody else.

913
00:25:36,044 --> 00:25:36,104
Yeah.

914
00:25:36,164 --> 00:25:38,864
You did not have a life and stuff

915
00:25:38,864 --> 00:25:39,944
that you would've accumulated.

916
00:25:39,944 --> 00:25:41,654
You typically did not live alone.

917
00:25:41,684 --> 00:25:41,864
Right.

918
00:25:41,864 --> 00:25:42,554
This is my nana.

919
00:25:42,716 --> 00:25:43,604
My nana got married I think at

920
00:25:43,634 --> 00:25:46,879
19 and had three kids by like 25.

921
00:25:46,909 --> 00:25:47,689
And I think about that now

922
00:25:47,689 --> 00:25:49,249
and I'm like, oh my God.

923
00:25:49,619 --> 00:25:49,709
same.

924
00:25:49,709 --> 00:25:52,932
So we live in a society now where.

925
00:25:53,087 --> 00:25:55,016
People are getting married a lot later.

926
00:25:55,227 --> 00:25:55,522
Mm-hmm.

927
00:25:55,792 --> 00:25:58,232
Women have a lot more now.

928
00:25:58,316 --> 00:25:59,349
the rights are dwindling every

929
00:25:59,349 --> 00:26:01,029
day, but a lot more rights, right?

930
00:26:01,089 --> 00:26:01,179
Mm-hmm.

931
00:26:01,419 --> 00:26:02,966
Women are getting more,

932
00:26:03,006 --> 00:26:04,386
college degrees than men are.

933
00:26:04,584 --> 00:26:06,909
So in our society, everything's

934
00:26:06,909 --> 00:26:08,726
changed for me, right?

935
00:26:08,786 --> 00:26:10,499
I, left my parents' house at 18.

936
00:26:10,719 --> 00:26:12,762
I went to college until I was, 22.

937
00:26:12,762 --> 00:26:13,902
I got my bachelor's degree

938
00:26:14,106 --> 00:26:16,252
and I have lived on my own.

939
00:26:16,463 --> 00:26:17,354
I still live on my own.

940
00:26:17,354 --> 00:26:18,344
I don't live with my partner.

941
00:26:18,344 --> 00:26:21,434
I'm 30 years old and so I have eight

942
00:26:21,434 --> 00:26:24,341
years where I have bought my own blender

943
00:26:24,419 --> 00:26:27,024
and bought my own couch and bought my

944
00:26:27,024 --> 00:26:29,467
own desk and bought my own silverware.

945
00:26:29,709 --> 00:26:31,999
So I think it's changing, but there

946
00:26:31,999 --> 00:26:33,889
was this idea, especially like 10 years

947
00:26:33,889 --> 00:26:36,799
ago of it's like tacky to ask for cash.

948
00:26:37,008 --> 00:26:38,873
Like I just wanna buy you a toaster.

949
00:26:39,045 --> 00:26:39,703
And I'm like, okay.

950
00:26:39,703 --> 00:26:39,913
So.

951
00:26:40,345 --> 00:26:41,946
Now though, in a typical

952
00:26:41,946 --> 00:26:43,613
relationship, when I get married

953
00:26:43,613 --> 00:26:45,213
to my partner, my partner has a

954
00:26:45,213 --> 00:26:47,423
toaster and I have a toaster, right?

955
00:26:47,998 --> 00:26:49,433
And maybe we've moved in together and

956
00:26:49,433 --> 00:26:51,136
consolidated to one toaster, right?

957
00:26:51,136 --> 00:26:53,963
But we've already had a life where

958
00:26:54,053 --> 00:26:56,003
we have purchased a lot of the things

959
00:26:56,003 --> 00:26:57,593
that would typically go on a registry.

960
00:26:57,765 --> 00:26:59,159
Now we weddings are perfect

961
00:26:59,159 --> 00:27:00,779
opportunity to ask for the things

962
00:27:00,779 --> 00:27:02,009
that you maybe couldn't afford.

963
00:27:02,221 --> 00:27:03,309
Like, okay, I'm gonna get the

964
00:27:03,309 --> 00:27:04,809
really nice flatware, I'm gonna

965
00:27:04,809 --> 00:27:06,219
get the really nice pots and pans,

966
00:27:06,219 --> 00:27:07,933
or the really nice knife, but.

967
00:27:08,138 --> 00:27:09,469
This whole narrative around, oh,

968
00:27:09,469 --> 00:27:11,029
it's tacky to just ask for money.

969
00:27:11,059 --> 00:27:12,973
I'm like, it's actually not, because

970
00:27:13,224 --> 00:27:15,573
the way that weddings happens at

971
00:27:15,573 --> 00:27:18,183
a societal level is so different.

972
00:27:18,183 --> 00:27:19,443
They happen later in life.

973
00:27:19,624 --> 00:27:21,716
Women have an increased education.

974
00:27:21,999 --> 00:27:23,186
People are getting married

975
00:27:23,336 --> 00:27:24,116
in a different way.

976
00:27:24,116 --> 00:27:24,866
They've typically already

977
00:27:24,866 --> 00:27:25,646
moved in together.

978
00:27:26,009 --> 00:27:28,086
And so I love a cash fund.

979
00:27:28,086 --> 00:27:29,526
That is my long-winded way of

980
00:27:29,526 --> 00:27:31,293
saying this, and it's, I think it's

981
00:27:31,293 --> 00:27:34,003
so, unfair when people are like.

982
00:27:34,421 --> 00:27:35,361
Why aren't they asking for cash?

983
00:27:35,361 --> 00:27:35,931
That's tacky.

984
00:27:35,961 --> 00:27:37,756
No, the way we view weddings

985
00:27:37,756 --> 00:27:39,166
has fundamentally changed.

986
00:27:39,361 --> 00:27:39,599
Mm-hmm.

987
00:27:39,839 --> 00:27:40,799
I already have a blender.

988
00:27:40,988 --> 00:27:42,283
My partner already has a blender.

989
00:27:42,313 --> 00:27:43,213
You don't need to buy me a

990
00:27:43,213 --> 00:27:44,353
blender as a wedding gift.

991
00:27:44,413 --> 00:27:45,913
That is the third blender

992
00:27:45,913 --> 00:27:46,663
that I don't need.

993
00:27:46,663 --> 00:27:47,653
I've already established

994
00:27:47,653 --> 00:27:48,583
my independent life.

995
00:27:48,754 --> 00:27:49,263
Yes.

996
00:27:49,534 --> 00:27:51,783
Two things that I always see about cash

997
00:27:51,783 --> 00:27:53,746
funds anytime I post about it, either

998
00:27:54,013 --> 00:27:55,633
should say showers or registries.

999
00:27:55,633 --> 00:27:55,963
Right.

1000
00:27:56,157 --> 00:27:57,979
People, one can't understand

1001
00:27:57,979 --> 00:28:00,403
when a bride in a traditional

1002
00:28:01,131 --> 00:28:03,081
relationship would want their groom.

1003
00:28:03,081 --> 00:28:04,191
There would want a guy there

1004
00:28:04,191 --> 00:28:05,244
like, Why are guides there?

1005
00:28:05,494 --> 00:28:06,798
That's one question I always see,

1006
00:28:07,014 --> 00:28:08,934
and the other one I always see is

1007
00:28:09,178 --> 00:28:10,984
I'm not paying for a honeymoon,

1008
00:28:11,194 --> 00:28:12,674
I'm not paying for this, and I go.

1009
00:28:12,878 --> 00:28:14,306
What if you give money at a

1010
00:28:14,306 --> 00:28:15,896
wedding, you don't have control

1011
00:28:15,896 --> 00:28:16,886
over what they use it for.

1012
00:28:16,976 --> 00:28:18,716
They can use it for their lunch tomorrow.

1013
00:28:18,861 --> 00:28:20,353
They could use it for bedsheets

1014
00:28:20,413 --> 00:28:21,433
or they could use it for a

1015
00:28:21,433 --> 00:28:22,783
pina colada on the beach.

1016
00:28:22,984 --> 00:28:23,921
Why does that matter?

1017
00:28:23,921 --> 00:28:24,011
Right.

1018
00:28:25,375 --> 00:28:26,718
Well, and let's be honest, if you

1019
00:28:26,718 --> 00:28:28,038
buy me a blender and I already

1020
00:28:28,038 --> 00:28:29,508
have a blender, I am going.

1021
00:28:29,823 --> 00:28:31,353
To the store, returning the blender and

1022
00:28:31,353 --> 00:28:32,463
getting the money, getting the cash.

1023
00:28:32,796 --> 00:28:33,726
so just gimme the money.

1024
00:28:34,339 --> 00:28:35,826
But it's also like we have all of these

1025
00:28:35,826 --> 00:28:37,506
sites, I think Zola's one of 'em, right?

1026
00:28:37,506 --> 00:28:38,946
That'll say, okay, you can buy the

1027
00:28:38,946 --> 00:28:40,056
couple dinner on their honeymoon.

1028
00:28:40,056 --> 00:28:40,116
Yeah.

1029
00:28:40,316 --> 00:28:42,009
And like, I love that because it feels

1030
00:28:42,009 --> 00:28:43,959
like ultimately it's just money, right?

1031
00:28:43,959 --> 00:28:45,669
But it feels a little bit more like,

1032
00:28:45,699 --> 00:28:48,069
okay, I am buying this person something.

1033
00:28:48,069 --> 00:28:49,773
I'm buying them an experience

1034
00:28:49,773 --> 00:28:50,403
on their honeymoon.

1035
00:28:50,433 --> 00:28:52,173
I am helping them contribute to

1036
00:28:52,173 --> 00:28:53,613
their down payment on a house fund.

1037
00:28:53,883 --> 00:28:56,569
so that's a nice kind of happy medium of.

1038
00:28:56,893 --> 00:28:58,481
I'm gifting them this experience.

1039
00:28:58,511 --> 00:29:00,191
Does it go into a big cash fund?

1040
00:29:00,221 --> 00:29:01,091
Yeah, it does.

1041
00:29:01,306 --> 00:29:03,488
But I am buying them this experience

1042
00:29:03,488 --> 00:29:05,048
that they can now do on their

1043
00:29:05,048 --> 00:29:06,711
honeymoon or after, getting married.

1044
00:29:06,711 --> 00:29:08,984
So I think that, yeah, I just hate

1045
00:29:08,984 --> 00:29:10,304
the whole, like, cash is tacky.

1046
00:29:10,304 --> 00:29:11,204
I'm like, no it's not.

1047
00:29:11,234 --> 00:29:14,128
The entire concept of marriage is so

1048
00:29:14,128 --> 00:29:15,658
different than it was 50 years ago.

1049
00:29:15,753 --> 00:29:15,898
Mm-hmm.

1050
00:29:16,138 --> 00:29:17,338
Everything's different.

1051
00:29:17,588 --> 00:29:19,248
So, yeah, I just, I hate

1052
00:29:19,248 --> 00:29:19,938
that whole narrative.

1053
00:29:20,148 --> 00:29:20,598
Yes.

1054
00:29:20,688 --> 00:29:21,048
Oh my gosh.

1055
00:29:21,048 --> 00:29:21,498
I love that.

1056
00:29:21,729 --> 00:29:22,071
Okay.

1057
00:29:22,326 --> 00:29:22,591
All right.

1058
00:29:22,591 --> 00:29:23,731
Back to the rapid fire.

1059
00:29:23,761 --> 00:29:23,971
Okay.

1060
00:29:24,086 --> 00:29:24,366
Splurge.

1061
00:29:24,366 --> 00:29:24,367
Yeah.

1062
00:29:24,372 --> 00:29:24,691
Sorry.

1063
00:29:24,931 --> 00:29:25,681
No, you're good.

1064
00:29:25,681 --> 00:29:26,461
No, I love it.

1065
00:29:26,588 --> 00:29:28,371
I love the discourse, splurge on

1066
00:29:28,371 --> 00:29:30,051
honeymoon or save it for a house.

1067
00:29:30,434 --> 00:29:31,244
I think it's up to you.

1068
00:29:31,304 --> 00:29:32,204
It's up to the couple.

1069
00:29:32,234 --> 00:29:33,238
if buying a home is

1070
00:29:33,238 --> 00:29:34,378
really important, great.

1071
00:29:34,378 --> 00:29:35,638
Again, it's a trade off, right?

1072
00:29:35,638 --> 00:29:37,214
I really want a house, so I'm

1073
00:29:37,304 --> 00:29:39,494
okay doing a less crazy honeymoon.

1074
00:29:39,674 --> 00:29:39,888
Nope.

1075
00:29:39,888 --> 00:29:40,758
I really wanna travel.

1076
00:29:40,758 --> 00:29:41,538
I wanna have a once in a

1077
00:29:41,538 --> 00:29:42,948
lifetime travel experience.

1078
00:29:43,124 --> 00:29:44,374
I don't, I'm not interested in buying a

1079
00:29:44,374 --> 00:29:45,814
house or that doesn't make sense for us.

1080
00:29:45,814 --> 00:29:46,864
Or I'd rather rent.

1081
00:29:47,061 --> 00:29:47,368
Okay.

1082
00:29:47,398 --> 00:29:47,788
Great.

1083
00:29:48,041 --> 00:29:48,741
Crazy honeymoon.

1084
00:29:48,741 --> 00:29:49,101
It is.

1085
00:29:49,334 --> 00:29:49,618
Yeah.

1086
00:29:49,828 --> 00:29:50,218
Love it.

1087
00:29:50,464 --> 00:29:51,761
bigger emergency fund

1088
00:29:52,031 --> 00:29:53,711
before the wedding or after.

1089
00:29:53,971 --> 00:29:55,621
I mean, if you can do

1090
00:29:55,621 --> 00:29:57,421
it before, do it before.

1091
00:29:57,581 --> 00:30:00,151
but this is again where we hopefully

1092
00:30:00,151 --> 00:30:01,801
are saving a separate wedding

1093
00:30:01,801 --> 00:30:03,451
fund from our emergency fund.

1094
00:30:03,451 --> 00:30:04,411
Your emergency fund is

1095
00:30:04,411 --> 00:30:05,641
truly for emergencies.

1096
00:30:05,831 --> 00:30:07,438
It is for when shit hits the fan.

1097
00:30:07,604 --> 00:30:08,788
If you're familiar with my work,

1098
00:30:08,788 --> 00:30:09,988
you know, it's the number one

1099
00:30:09,988 --> 00:30:11,488
thing I counsel people to do.

1100
00:30:11,488 --> 00:30:12,958
It's the first financial goal

1101
00:30:12,958 --> 00:30:14,518
you should be saving for.

1102
00:30:14,801 --> 00:30:16,411
But if that is separate, that is

1103
00:30:16,411 --> 00:30:17,671
gonna be separate from the amount of

1104
00:30:17,671 --> 00:30:18,781
money you're spending on the wedding.

1105
00:30:19,016 --> 00:30:19,371
Mm-hmm.

1106
00:30:19,916 --> 00:30:20,108
All right.

1107
00:30:20,108 --> 00:30:20,918
I got two more.

1108
00:30:21,160 --> 00:30:22,578
Pay off debt first or

1109
00:30:22,578 --> 00:30:23,508
save for the wedding.

1110
00:30:24,023 --> 00:30:25,108
It depends on the kind of debt.

1111
00:30:25,336 --> 00:30:27,043
If you're in credit card debt,

1112
00:30:27,193 --> 00:30:28,891
that is really expensive and we

1113
00:30:28,891 --> 00:30:31,005
wanna get that paid off, before we

1114
00:30:31,005 --> 00:30:32,745
prioritize saving more aggressively.

1115
00:30:32,924 --> 00:30:34,821
However, my answer for a lot of

1116
00:30:34,821 --> 00:30:36,051
things is like, why not both?

1117
00:30:36,051 --> 00:30:37,011
If you can do both at the

1118
00:30:37,011 --> 00:30:38,271
same time, especially if the

1119
00:30:38,271 --> 00:30:39,471
wedding's getting closer.

1120
00:30:39,698 --> 00:30:41,018
I don't want you just so focused on

1121
00:30:41,018 --> 00:30:42,308
paying off your debt that you suddenly

1122
00:30:42,308 --> 00:30:44,168
have a $50,000 wedding that you

1123
00:30:44,168 --> 00:30:45,818
will have to go back into debt for.

1124
00:30:45,938 --> 00:30:45,998
Yeah.

1125
00:30:46,088 --> 00:30:47,648
So if we can do both, do both.

1126
00:30:47,892 --> 00:30:48,240
Okay.

1127
00:30:48,515 --> 00:30:49,900
All right, and last one, split.

1128
00:30:49,900 --> 00:30:50,890
The wedding costs 50

1129
00:30:50,890 --> 00:30:52,420
50 or based on income.

1130
00:30:52,760 --> 00:30:54,110
Oh, I love this one.

1131
00:30:54,380 --> 00:30:54,830
I think.

1132
00:30:55,278 --> 00:30:57,463
Most things, if not all things

1133
00:30:57,463 --> 00:30:59,120
in a relationship should

1134
00:30:59,120 --> 00:31:01,720
be split on your income.

1135
00:31:01,978 --> 00:31:03,674
I have been very vocal about this.

1136
00:31:03,704 --> 00:31:05,054
I'm a multimillionaire.

1137
00:31:05,084 --> 00:31:07,034
I make a lot more money than my partner.

1138
00:31:07,064 --> 00:31:09,134
My partner makes about $65,000 a year.

1139
00:31:09,376 --> 00:31:11,134
So we are in very different tax

1140
00:31:11,134 --> 00:31:14,138
brackets and everything from, a

1141
00:31:14,138 --> 00:31:15,492
big deal from getting married to

1142
00:31:15,492 --> 00:31:17,472
just splitting, the cost of a trip.

1143
00:31:17,703 --> 00:31:19,492
We have a conversation and it is.

1144
00:31:19,733 --> 00:31:21,143
it's never 50 50 because

1145
00:31:21,143 --> 00:31:22,043
that's not equitable.

1146
00:31:22,172 --> 00:31:23,283
I'm not looking for equal,

1147
00:31:23,283 --> 00:31:24,393
I'm looking for equitable.

1148
00:31:24,393 --> 00:31:24,453
Yeah.

1149
00:31:24,543 --> 00:31:27,183
So I make a lot more than he does.

1150
00:31:27,379 --> 00:31:29,196
it is my responsibility to

1151
00:31:29,226 --> 00:31:31,250
spend more, than he does.

1152
00:31:31,250 --> 00:31:31,460
Right?

1153
00:31:31,568 --> 00:31:32,468
does not make sense to

1154
00:31:32,468 --> 00:31:34,028
like split our rent 50 50.

1155
00:31:34,028 --> 00:31:36,194
So maybe it's 70, 30, 80 20.

1156
00:31:36,194 --> 00:31:37,484
You guys get to figure that out.

1157
00:31:37,688 --> 00:31:39,934
But, Nobody is walking into a marriage

1158
00:31:39,964 --> 00:31:41,854
with the exact same financial situation

1159
00:31:41,854 --> 00:31:43,604
as somebody else, the exact same amount of

1160
00:31:43,604 --> 00:31:46,260
debt, the exact same salary with benefits,

1161
00:31:46,260 --> 00:31:48,930
the exact same, earning potential even I.

1162
00:31:49,164 --> 00:31:51,025
So that is something definitely that

1163
00:31:51,025 --> 00:31:52,285
you should chat about with your partner.

1164
00:31:52,435 --> 00:31:53,125
Yeah, I love that.

1165
00:31:53,125 --> 00:31:54,325
I learned that from you as well.

1166
00:31:54,325 --> 00:31:55,375
Like that's how my partner and

1167
00:31:55,409 --> 00:31:56,559
I've always worked everything.

1168
00:31:56,559 --> 00:31:57,974
'cause we're like, it doesn't, I love it.

1169
00:31:57,974 --> 00:31:59,339
It's not fair to be completely

1170
00:31:59,339 --> 00:32:01,439
50% if we make different money.

1171
00:32:01,439 --> 00:32:02,676
So I love that.

1172
00:32:02,986 --> 00:32:04,866
Okay, let's jump into this

1173
00:32:04,866 --> 00:32:05,826
week's story submission.

1174
00:32:05,826 --> 00:32:07,416
So what we do is just, I'll just read a

1175
00:32:07,416 --> 00:32:09,676
story, we'll kind of stop and react to it.

1176
00:32:09,776 --> 00:32:11,006
and we'll just go with the flow.

1177
00:32:11,006 --> 00:32:11,274
Okay.

1178
00:32:11,364 --> 00:32:12,924
This says, we were so excited to

1179
00:32:12,924 --> 00:32:14,704
have finally chosen our wedding

1180
00:32:14,704 --> 00:32:16,354
venue and secured our date

1181
00:32:16,632 --> 00:32:17,941
planning could officially begin.

1182
00:32:17,971 --> 00:32:19,951
We were assigned a venue coordinator

1183
00:32:19,951 --> 00:32:21,151
and scheduled a meeting with

1184
00:32:21,151 --> 00:32:22,831
her to go over all the details.

1185
00:32:23,059 --> 00:32:24,229
The meeting went great we

1186
00:32:24,229 --> 00:32:25,369
left feeling confident.

1187
00:32:25,597 --> 00:32:27,634
But the very next day we received an email

1188
00:32:27,634 --> 00:32:29,510
saying, our coordinator had accepted a

1189
00:32:29,510 --> 00:32:31,610
new job, and we'd be assigned a new one.

1190
00:32:32,500 --> 00:32:32,847
Here we go.

1191
00:32:33,747 --> 00:32:34,107
Oh gosh.

1192
00:32:34,414 --> 00:32:35,764
We were told not to worry.

1193
00:32:35,764 --> 00:32:37,324
All the information from our meeting,

1194
00:32:37,534 --> 00:32:39,447
the venue layout, choices, ceremony,

1195
00:32:39,447 --> 00:32:41,337
and reception were all shared with her.

1196
00:32:41,644 --> 00:32:42,757
They would be passed along

1197
00:32:42,757 --> 00:32:43,717
to this new coordinator.

1198
00:32:44,039 --> 00:32:45,299
A few weeks later, we received

1199
00:32:45,299 --> 00:32:46,792
an introduction email from our

1200
00:32:46,792 --> 00:32:48,112
newly assigned coordinator.

1201
00:32:48,377 --> 00:32:50,285
She encouraged us to reach out with

1202
00:32:50,285 --> 00:32:52,205
any questions and scheduled our final

1203
00:32:52,205 --> 00:32:53,585
meeting with her before the wedding.

1204
00:32:53,864 --> 00:32:55,552
Naturally, we had several questions,

1205
00:32:55,582 --> 00:32:56,932
so I emailed her and waited.

1206
00:32:57,230 --> 00:32:58,775
Weeks went by without a response.

1207
00:32:58,994 --> 00:33:00,392
I sent a follow up message.

1208
00:33:00,452 --> 00:33:01,262
Still nothing.

1209
00:33:01,494 --> 00:33:03,225
I tried calling, no answer.

1210
00:33:03,437 --> 00:33:04,912
Eventually, I contacted the head

1211
00:33:04,912 --> 00:33:06,895
coordinator at the venue who informed

1212
00:33:06,895 --> 00:33:08,185
me that our coordinator was on

1213
00:33:08,185 --> 00:33:10,285
leave just weeks before our wedding.

1214
00:33:10,564 --> 00:33:11,430
We would be assigned

1215
00:33:11,430 --> 00:33:13,234
another new coordinator.

1216
00:33:14,134 --> 00:33:14,374
Gosh.

1217
00:33:14,647 --> 00:33:15,114
Okay.

1218
00:33:15,387 --> 00:33:16,640
when we finally met the third

1219
00:33:16,640 --> 00:33:17,930
coordinator, we discovered that

1220
00:33:17,930 --> 00:33:19,490
the information from our original

1221
00:33:19,490 --> 00:33:21,050
meeting had been completely mixed up.

1222
00:33:21,285 --> 00:33:22,699
Even worse, what we were originally

1223
00:33:22,699 --> 00:33:24,169
were told was not correct.

1224
00:33:24,229 --> 00:33:25,369
It was a total mess.

1225
00:33:25,600 --> 00:33:27,195
Fast forward to our wedding weekend.

1226
00:33:27,459 --> 00:33:27,925
Oh my gosh.

1227
00:33:27,925 --> 00:33:29,665
I can't believe like nothing was

1228
00:33:29,665 --> 00:33:31,165
figured out before the wedding weekend.

1229
00:33:31,525 --> 00:33:31,809
Okay.

1230
00:33:32,059 --> 00:33:34,562
We were hit with a surprise charge from

1231
00:33:34,562 --> 00:33:37,172
the venue that had never been disclosed

1232
00:33:37,369 --> 00:33:39,185
and we were not financially prepared.

1233
00:33:39,425 --> 00:33:42,032
We ended up maxing out our credit cards

1234
00:33:42,032 --> 00:33:44,402
just to finish paying off the wedding.

1235
00:33:44,662 --> 00:33:45,369
Oh no.

1236
00:33:46,925 --> 00:33:48,732
This is a nightmare situation.

1237
00:33:49,059 --> 00:33:49,929
Oh, okay.

1238
00:33:50,361 --> 00:33:51,111
if you guys are just listening,

1239
00:33:51,111 --> 00:33:52,968
can't see the, video, Tori just,

1240
00:33:53,238 --> 00:33:54,348
oh, I'm having a full meltdown.

1241
00:33:57,178 --> 00:33:57,898
Oh gosh.

1242
00:33:57,988 --> 00:33:59,098
Uh, gosh.

1243
00:33:59,098 --> 00:33:59,548
Here we go.

1244
00:33:59,743 --> 00:33:59,975
Okay.

1245
00:33:59,975 --> 00:34:01,265
So they ended up maxing out credit

1246
00:34:01,265 --> 00:34:02,855
cards just to finish paying off the

1247
00:34:02,855 --> 00:34:04,775
wedding because we were told the event

1248
00:34:04,775 --> 00:34:07,138
couldn't proceed until it was fully paid.

1249
00:34:08,356 --> 00:34:10,268
That's like unheard of.

1250
00:34:10,600 --> 00:34:12,138
Why would they just all of a sudden.

1251
00:34:12,413 --> 00:34:13,286
Say that to them.

1252
00:34:13,486 --> 00:34:14,483
They didn't offer any

1253
00:34:14,483 --> 00:34:15,803
payment plans either.

1254
00:34:16,080 --> 00:34:17,313
That seems very odd.

1255
00:34:17,553 --> 00:34:19,080
One of the wildest moments was

1256
00:34:19,080 --> 00:34:21,210
when we were told after paying for

1257
00:34:21,210 --> 00:34:24,030
a ceiling treatment, wait, what?

1258
00:34:24,313 --> 00:34:25,673
That we would also need to pay an

1259
00:34:25,673 --> 00:34:28,073
additional fee to have it installed or

1260
00:34:28,073 --> 00:34:29,723
they building a new building for them.

1261
00:34:31,418 --> 00:34:32,408
I mean a ceiling treatment

1262
00:34:32,408 --> 00:34:33,756
being like, you know, tool or

1263
00:34:33,756 --> 00:34:35,568
ribbon, hung from the ceiling.

1264
00:34:35,598 --> 00:34:37,548
That's what, in my head, ceiling treatment

1265
00:34:37,813 --> 00:34:38,361
maybe.

1266
00:34:38,391 --> 00:34:38,811
No.

1267
00:34:39,058 --> 00:34:39,538
Yeah.

1268
00:34:39,538 --> 00:34:39,958
You know what?

1269
00:34:39,958 --> 00:34:40,288
You might,

1270
00:34:40,308 --> 00:34:40,668
be right.

1271
00:34:40,668 --> 00:34:40,728
I

1272
00:34:40,728 --> 00:34:41,148
think that's

1273
00:34:41,148 --> 00:34:41,358
it.

1274
00:34:41,633 --> 00:34:42,005
I'm like

1275
00:34:42,005 --> 00:34:43,775
picturing them building out a

1276
00:34:43,775 --> 00:34:45,335
whole new, at first I, oh, see.

1277
00:34:45,335 --> 00:34:45,575
Yeah.

1278
00:34:45,575 --> 00:34:46,505
And at first I was like, are

1279
00:34:46,505 --> 00:34:47,495
they taking like the popcorn

1280
00:34:47,495 --> 00:34:48,597
off the ceiling or some shit?

1281
00:34:48,605 --> 00:34:49,085
Like Yeah.

1282
00:34:49,085 --> 00:34:49,535
Like what?

1283
00:34:50,724 --> 00:34:51,722
That is insane.

1284
00:34:52,077 --> 00:34:53,224
So then there, so is the question,

1285
00:34:53,224 --> 00:34:53,374
what

1286
00:34:53,374 --> 00:34:53,884
to do.

1287
00:34:54,150 --> 00:34:55,270
So it's like they're not only paying

1288
00:34:55,270 --> 00:34:57,167
for this item, they're paying for it

1289
00:34:57,167 --> 00:34:59,264
to be installed, which you would think

1290
00:34:59,264 --> 00:35:01,154
that would be included in that price.

1291
00:35:01,420 --> 00:35:02,714
we told them to remove it from the

1292
00:35:02,714 --> 00:35:04,184
invoice 'cause we simply couldn't

1293
00:35:04,184 --> 00:35:05,894
afford to pay for something we thought

1294
00:35:05,894 --> 00:35:08,034
we had already bought because it was

1295
00:35:08,034 --> 00:35:10,070
supposed to be included at the reception.

1296
00:35:10,070 --> 00:35:11,587
The coordinator who was supposed

1297
00:35:11,587 --> 00:35:13,457
to be there never showed up.

1298
00:35:14,709 --> 00:35:15,969
Oh my gosh.

1299
00:35:16,269 --> 00:35:17,962
I would be literal.

1300
00:35:18,252 --> 00:35:18,337
Okay.

1301
00:35:18,337 --> 00:35:19,112
This is terrible.

1302
00:35:19,377 --> 00:35:20,787
The venue staff were rude

1303
00:35:20,787 --> 00:35:22,167
to my family during setup.

1304
00:35:22,388 --> 00:35:24,131
I had planned for lawn games during

1305
00:35:24,131 --> 00:35:25,984
cocktail hour, but when my mom started

1306
00:35:25,984 --> 00:35:27,604
setting them up, one of the staff members

1307
00:35:27,604 --> 00:35:29,074
said, why are you setting those up?

1308
00:35:29,134 --> 00:35:29,914
Don't do that.

1309
00:35:29,914 --> 00:35:30,874
No one will play them.

1310
00:35:31,134 --> 00:35:32,541
My poor mom decided it wasn't

1311
00:35:32,541 --> 00:35:33,561
worth the fight and just didn't

1312
00:35:33,561 --> 00:35:34,791
set them up, which upset me.

1313
00:35:35,047 --> 00:35:36,611
The bartenders were rude to the guests

1314
00:35:36,810 --> 00:35:38,921
and didn't even have enough of what we

1315
00:35:38,921 --> 00:35:40,871
ordered for our specialty cocktails.

1316
00:35:41,097 --> 00:35:42,951
The venue only set six chairs

1317
00:35:42,951 --> 00:35:44,631
at each table instead of eight.

1318
00:35:44,691 --> 00:35:45,471
Was this their first

1319
00:35:45,471 --> 00:35:46,941
venue or first wedding?

1320
00:35:46,941 --> 00:35:47,807
Like it seems like they

1321
00:35:47,807 --> 00:35:48,377
don't know what to do.

1322
00:35:48,630 --> 00:35:49,891
as shown on our seating chart.

1323
00:35:50,097 --> 00:35:52,364
So guests left without places to sit.

1324
00:35:52,617 --> 00:35:54,481
People were literally carrying chairs from

1325
00:35:54,481 --> 00:35:56,401
table to table to sit with their group.

1326
00:36:00,481 --> 00:36:01,801
Finally, it was time to cut the

1327
00:36:01,801 --> 00:36:03,727
cake, the cake cutting, set by

1328
00:36:03,727 --> 00:36:05,497
the venue was supposed to provide

1329
00:36:05,766 --> 00:36:07,414
and was then nowhere to be found.

1330
00:36:07,646 --> 00:36:08,840
Oh, their cake cutting set.

1331
00:36:09,105 --> 00:36:11,007
Someone had to run and grab a random

1332
00:36:11,007 --> 00:36:12,417
knife so they could cut our cake.

1333
00:36:13,839 --> 00:36:15,574
Despite all the chaos, we absolutely

1334
00:36:15,574 --> 00:36:16,774
loved our wedding, but wow.

1335
00:36:16,774 --> 00:36:18,514
It was definitely a wild ride.

1336
00:36:18,762 --> 00:36:19,387
I love when they're so

1337
00:36:19,562 --> 00:36:20,287
positive at the end.

1338
00:36:20,287 --> 00:36:20,647
I'm like,

1339
00:36:20,850 --> 00:36:22,890
no, I was hoping, I was like, please

1340
00:36:22,890 --> 00:36:24,270
tell me you at least had a good time.

1341
00:36:24,300 --> 00:36:24,960
Jesus.

1342
00:36:25,244 --> 00:36:25,994
Oh,

1343
00:36:26,217 --> 00:36:26,227
okay.

1344
00:36:26,247 --> 00:36:27,987
Like what you do in that situation?

1345
00:36:28,227 --> 00:36:28,827
I got it.

1346
00:36:28,904 --> 00:36:30,440
I'm gonna fix this person's entire life.

1347
00:36:30,500 --> 00:36:30,887
Okay, love it.

1348
00:36:30,887 --> 00:36:31,550
Okay, here we go.

1349
00:36:31,770 --> 00:36:32,870
First thing, is.

1350
00:36:33,272 --> 00:36:35,642
Gather every single piece of documentation

1351
00:36:35,642 --> 00:36:37,892
you have about everything that went wrong.

1352
00:36:38,079 --> 00:36:40,299
Mm. So everything of like those

1353
00:36:40,299 --> 00:36:41,319
emails that you never got a

1354
00:36:41,319 --> 00:36:44,035
response to, the document.

1355
00:36:44,035 --> 00:36:44,245
Okay.

1356
00:36:44,245 --> 00:36:45,572
There was no, cake cutting.

1357
00:36:45,572 --> 00:36:47,132
There was not enough chairs.

1358
00:36:47,132 --> 00:36:48,722
There was an additional fee, even

1359
00:36:48,722 --> 00:36:50,035
though, like, hopefully you have

1360
00:36:50,035 --> 00:36:51,775
notes from the original call.

1361
00:36:51,892 --> 00:36:52,142
Yeah.

1362
00:36:52,359 --> 00:36:52,915
And hopefully you have

1363
00:36:52,915 --> 00:36:53,965
a date on those notes.

1364
00:36:54,182 --> 00:36:55,495
So we're gonna go, yeah,

1365
00:36:55,495 --> 00:36:56,755
I'm going full like.

1366
00:36:56,972 --> 00:36:58,129
Detective, FBI here.

1367
00:36:58,159 --> 00:36:58,369
Okay?

1368
00:36:58,369 --> 00:36:59,239
So you need full

1369
00:36:59,239 --> 00:37:00,409
documentation of everything.

1370
00:37:00,409 --> 00:37:01,279
So that's the first thing.

1371
00:37:01,505 --> 00:37:03,185
So gather all of that documentation.

1372
00:37:03,415 --> 00:37:04,582
The second thing you're gonna do

1373
00:37:04,815 --> 00:37:06,179
is you are gonna go to the venue.

1374
00:37:06,405 --> 00:37:07,369
And you're going to ask

1375
00:37:07,369 --> 00:37:08,809
them to make it right.

1376
00:37:08,992 --> 00:37:10,415
This is their first opportunity.

1377
00:37:10,445 --> 00:37:10,745
Okay.

1378
00:37:10,745 --> 00:37:11,555
Is you're going to

1379
00:37:11,555 --> 00:37:12,665
gratitude sandwich again.

1380
00:37:12,869 --> 00:37:14,872
thank you for doing, you know, find

1381
00:37:14,872 --> 00:37:16,642
some nice things that they did about,

1382
00:37:16,952 --> 00:37:18,502
thank you for, taking care of us.

1383
00:37:18,802 --> 00:37:19,942
I wouldn't say even say even taking

1384
00:37:19,942 --> 00:37:21,334
care of us 'cause they didn't, thank

1385
00:37:21,334 --> 00:37:22,804
you for hosting our special day.

1386
00:37:22,804 --> 00:37:24,094
We appreciate you did this and

1387
00:37:24,094 --> 00:37:25,594
this and this and you're then

1388
00:37:25,594 --> 00:37:28,801
gonna go a full, block of an email.

1389
00:37:28,981 --> 00:37:30,004
this was not right.

1390
00:37:30,443 --> 00:37:32,538
This was the expectation set.

1391
00:37:32,793 --> 00:37:34,948
We felt extremely unsupported.

1392
00:37:34,978 --> 00:37:36,658
There was additional costs,

1393
00:37:36,859 --> 00:37:37,941
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

1394
00:37:38,099 --> 00:37:39,168
This is what we expect.

1395
00:37:39,198 --> 00:37:42,118
You're gonna ask for a full refund

1396
00:37:42,178 --> 00:37:45,998
on the wedding, a full refund.

1397
00:37:46,298 --> 00:37:46,808
Yes.

1398
00:37:47,078 --> 00:37:49,661
They're probably gonna tell you no, but

1399
00:37:49,909 --> 00:37:51,244
you're gonna ask for a full refund on

1400
00:37:51,244 --> 00:37:53,748
the wedding if you get hostility back.

1401
00:37:53,963 --> 00:37:54,618
You're gonna go to your

1402
00:37:54,618 --> 00:37:55,968
credit card company and you're

1403
00:37:55,968 --> 00:37:57,558
going to dispute the charge.

1404
00:37:57,676 --> 00:37:58,844
This is rule number three.

1405
00:37:59,126 --> 00:38:00,364
So credit cards, one of the best

1406
00:38:00,364 --> 00:38:01,504
things about credit cards is when

1407
00:38:01,504 --> 00:38:02,953
used responsibly, they're incredible

1408
00:38:03,059 --> 00:38:05,435
tools for situations like this.

1409
00:38:05,645 --> 00:38:07,835
I spent this money and did not get

1410
00:38:08,035 --> 00:38:10,169
what I asked for, or the expectation

1411
00:38:10,169 --> 00:38:11,789
I was charged this amount of money.

1412
00:38:12,027 --> 00:38:13,409
It's like, okay, I was double

1413
00:38:13,409 --> 00:38:14,999
charged by this company.

1414
00:38:15,200 --> 00:38:16,017
For no reason.

1415
00:38:16,017 --> 00:38:16,377
Right?

1416
00:38:16,497 --> 00:38:16,550
Yeah.

1417
00:38:16,587 --> 00:38:17,697
You get to dispute the charge.

1418
00:38:17,727 --> 00:38:18,537
So you're gonna call your

1419
00:38:18,537 --> 00:38:19,647
credit card company, you're

1420
00:38:19,647 --> 00:38:20,517
gonna tell them everything.

1421
00:38:20,517 --> 00:38:21,387
You're gonna be like, I have

1422
00:38:21,387 --> 00:38:23,067
documentation, I have receipts.

1423
00:38:23,244 --> 00:38:24,444
I can send them all to you, and

1424
00:38:24,444 --> 00:38:25,734
you're gonna dispute the charge.

1425
00:38:25,944 --> 00:38:27,854
So the biggest two things is you're gonna

1426
00:38:27,854 --> 00:38:29,924
go back and forth with the venue, right.

1427
00:38:30,120 --> 00:38:32,174
And you're gonna get, it's not even

1428
00:38:32,174 --> 00:38:34,017
Karen, because you're asking for

1429
00:38:34,017 --> 00:38:35,937
something that's totally understandable.

1430
00:38:35,957 --> 00:38:36,027
Mm-hmm.

1431
00:38:36,267 --> 00:38:37,780
But you're gonna be like, If you

1432
00:38:37,780 --> 00:38:39,010
don't make this right, I'm not gonna

1433
00:38:39,010 --> 00:38:40,300
be able to recommend this venue.

1434
00:38:40,497 --> 00:38:41,977
I'm going to be basically

1435
00:38:41,977 --> 00:38:43,477
forced to leave a poor review.

1436
00:38:43,642 --> 00:38:45,417
This was not a pleasurable experience

1437
00:38:45,417 --> 00:38:46,647
and I need you to make it right.

1438
00:38:46,890 --> 00:38:48,532
you did not offer me a coordinator.

1439
00:38:48,692 --> 00:38:50,732
I did not hear from them four weeks.

1440
00:38:50,929 --> 00:38:52,419
there were additional charges

1441
00:38:52,419 --> 00:38:54,249
that were not transparent.

1442
00:38:54,505 --> 00:38:56,135
if you have the contract right, you

1443
00:38:56,135 --> 00:38:57,305
hopefully signed a contract with a

1444
00:38:57,305 --> 00:38:58,895
vendor, go through the contract, see what

1445
00:38:58,895 --> 00:39:00,665
was in the contract versus what wasn't.

1446
00:39:00,884 --> 00:39:02,244
and then again, hopefully they

1447
00:39:02,244 --> 00:39:04,164
refund you at least partially.

1448
00:39:04,372 --> 00:39:05,830
If you either don't get a refund

1449
00:39:05,830 --> 00:39:07,560
or just get a partial refund, go

1450
00:39:07,560 --> 00:39:08,820
dispute it with your credit card.

1451
00:39:09,003 --> 00:39:09,747
Hope this helps.

1452
00:39:09,846 --> 00:39:10,306
Yes.

1453
00:39:10,336 --> 00:39:12,281
Oh my gosh, perfect advice.

1454
00:39:12,534 --> 00:39:14,261
' cause that is just, I feel like

1455
00:39:14,261 --> 00:39:15,071
so many times unreal when it

1456
00:39:15,071 --> 00:39:16,871
gets stories sent from brides.

1457
00:39:16,871 --> 00:39:17,981
They're just like looking back

1458
00:39:17,981 --> 00:39:19,151
on it and be like, this sucks.

1459
00:39:19,151 --> 00:39:19,781
And just feel like they

1460
00:39:19,781 --> 00:39:20,771
have to deal with it.

1461
00:39:21,054 --> 00:39:21,541
I love it.

1462
00:39:21,576 --> 00:39:22,201
No, I will give

1463
00:39:22,414 --> 00:39:24,221
anybody listening if something

1464
00:39:24,221 --> 00:39:25,661
does not go right at your wedding.

1465
00:39:25,932 --> 00:39:27,214
That was in somebody's control.

1466
00:39:27,214 --> 00:39:28,684
Not the weather, not, something

1467
00:39:28,684 --> 00:39:30,534
crazy, but like in their control.

1468
00:39:30,899 --> 00:39:31,829
Negotiate it.

1469
00:39:32,429 --> 00:39:34,651
negotiate it every single time.

1470
00:39:34,894 --> 00:39:36,424
I know somebody who literally got

1471
00:39:36,424 --> 00:39:38,224
their wedding basically 50% off.

1472
00:39:38,482 --> 00:39:39,917
Like the photographer didn't show

1473
00:39:39,917 --> 00:39:41,237
up on time, so they were like,

1474
00:39:41,237 --> 00:39:43,097
Hey, I want half off the photos.

1475
00:39:43,284 --> 00:39:44,847
like the venue was supposed

1476
00:39:44,847 --> 00:39:45,717
to have this, it didn't.

1477
00:39:46,251 --> 00:39:48,046
They negotiated 25% off of that, like

1478
00:39:48,244 --> 00:39:50,769
there's already an insane upcharge as soon

1479
00:39:50,769 --> 00:39:52,839
as you put the word wedding on anything.

1480
00:39:53,028 --> 00:39:57,029
And you expected a service that was

1481
00:39:57,029 --> 00:39:59,250
not completed, therefore you should

1482
00:39:59,250 --> 00:40:00,416
not have to pay the full amount.

1483
00:40:01,012 --> 00:40:01,842
that's just it.

1484
00:40:02,022 --> 00:40:04,280
so if anybody's out there.

1485
00:40:04,662 --> 00:40:05,890
He was like, oh, but I don't

1486
00:40:05,890 --> 00:40:07,090
wanna be an inconvenience.

1487
00:40:07,090 --> 00:40:09,327
No, you spent your hard-earned money

1488
00:40:09,327 --> 00:40:10,977
and this person went into debt.

1489
00:40:11,206 --> 00:40:13,042
to try to pay for this.

1490
00:40:13,359 --> 00:40:15,277
So you need to dispute it.

1491
00:40:15,277 --> 00:40:16,657
You need to have a conversation.

1492
00:40:16,657 --> 00:40:18,187
Anytime something goes wrong and

1493
00:40:18,187 --> 00:40:19,747
it's, you know, significant enough,

1494
00:40:19,747 --> 00:40:21,103
it's not like, I don't know.

1495
00:40:21,193 --> 00:40:22,897
Oh, the, tablecloth were

1496
00:40:22,897 --> 00:40:24,037
slightly the wrong color.

1497
00:40:24,067 --> 00:40:25,377
No, that's too minuscule.

1498
00:40:25,593 --> 00:40:27,060
But if something significant

1499
00:40:27,060 --> 00:40:29,197
goes wrong that impacts your,

1500
00:40:29,197 --> 00:40:30,637
or your guest experience.

1501
00:40:30,870 --> 00:40:31,650
Negotiate it.

1502
00:40:31,900 --> 00:40:32,127
Yeah,

1503
00:40:32,127 --> 00:40:32,697
negotiate it.

1504
00:40:32,983 --> 00:40:33,470
I love it.

1505
00:40:33,530 --> 00:40:33,890
I love it.

1506
00:40:33,920 --> 00:40:35,540
'cause I think most people don't even feel

1507
00:40:35,540 --> 00:40:37,100
like they have the opportunity to do that.

1508
00:40:37,327 --> 00:40:38,537
I learned that from you too.

1509
00:40:38,537 --> 00:40:40,449
Is like where you can like call like

1510
00:40:40,496 --> 00:40:42,386
phone bills or like internet bill.

1511
00:40:42,416 --> 00:40:42,566
Yep.

1512
00:40:42,566 --> 00:40:44,500
Call them, you know, never just

1513
00:40:44,500 --> 00:40:46,480
completely like accept something without

1514
00:40:46,480 --> 00:40:48,370
calling and looking into it first.

1515
00:40:48,400 --> 00:40:50,256
And you made a good point too about when

1516
00:40:50,256 --> 00:40:51,666
you have meetings like this, whether it's

1517
00:40:51,666 --> 00:40:53,856
a wedding or anything else, like a big.

1518
00:40:54,156 --> 00:40:55,916
Large sum of money, write things

1519
00:40:55,916 --> 00:40:57,626
down, record things, document it,

1520
00:40:57,626 --> 00:40:59,196
have email, because I think a lot

1521
00:40:59,196 --> 00:41:00,576
of times things happen on the phone.

1522
00:41:00,780 --> 00:41:01,816
I had a crazy, this is what

1523
00:41:01,816 --> 00:41:03,766
I recommend for work too, is like, okay,

1524
00:41:03,766 --> 00:41:04,966
if I have a conversation with somebody

1525
00:41:04,966 --> 00:41:06,703
on the phone, I will send them a follow

1526
00:41:06,703 --> 00:41:08,143
up email of like, Hey, it was so great to

1527
00:41:08,143 --> 00:41:09,853
talk to you as a reminder to both of us.

1528
00:41:09,853 --> 00:41:11,053
Here's everything we discussed.

1529
00:41:11,173 --> 00:41:11,263
Yeah.

1530
00:41:11,263 --> 00:41:12,763
Because then I have a timestamp,

1531
00:41:12,943 --> 00:41:14,563
I have, correspondence that

1532
00:41:14,563 --> 00:41:15,788
they have received it, right?

1533
00:41:15,788 --> 00:41:16,068
Mm-hmm.

1534
00:41:16,153 --> 00:41:17,243
So unless they email back and

1535
00:41:17,243 --> 00:41:18,563
they're like, no, that's not correct.

1536
00:41:18,856 --> 00:41:21,086
we assume that we're on the same page, so

1537
00:41:21,086 --> 00:41:22,766
then you have documentation of all of it.

1538
00:41:23,021 --> 00:41:23,360
Yeah.

1539
00:41:23,360 --> 00:41:24,050
I love that.

1540
00:41:24,286 --> 00:41:26,111
this is a very small side story, but I

1541
00:41:26,111 --> 00:41:28,001
learned my lesson with this recently.

1542
00:41:28,001 --> 00:41:29,141
We were sending up for,

1543
00:41:29,358 --> 00:41:31,188
self-employment insurance or whatever.

1544
00:41:31,690 --> 00:41:34,063
And this guy I noticed was only on

1545
00:41:34,063 --> 00:41:35,973
the phone and then things didn't go

1546
00:41:35,973 --> 00:41:37,203
through, but he, I got like triple

1547
00:41:37,203 --> 00:41:38,433
charged and all of a sudden it was

1548
00:41:38,433 --> 00:41:40,683
like this crazy like scam thing,

1549
00:41:40,854 --> 00:41:42,276
but I had no emails to show it.

1550
00:41:42,276 --> 00:41:43,146
I'm like, I swear, this

1551
00:41:43,146 --> 00:41:44,046
is what he said to me.

1552
00:41:44,046 --> 00:41:45,516
And so now I'm like, okay, I'm never just

1553
00:41:45,516 --> 00:41:46,926
going on the phone with an insurance guy.

1554
00:41:46,926 --> 00:41:48,010
I need proof.

1555
00:41:48,304 --> 00:41:49,254
Yeah, and again, a lot of

1556
00:41:49,254 --> 00:41:50,454
these conversations do happen

1557
00:41:50,454 --> 00:41:51,823
in person or over the phone.

1558
00:41:52,054 --> 00:41:53,759
So take notes while they're happening

1559
00:41:53,759 --> 00:41:55,614
in a notebook or on your phone, and then

1560
00:41:55,614 --> 00:41:57,534
I know it seems tedious and hopefully

1561
00:41:57,534 --> 00:41:59,367
you won't need them, but you're gonna

1562
00:41:59,367 --> 00:42:01,257
then email everybody you talk to

1563
00:42:01,257 --> 00:42:02,907
and be like, Hey, thank you so much.

1564
00:42:02,937 --> 00:42:03,687
You can do this at work.

1565
00:42:03,687 --> 00:42:05,730
Again, this is at work, this is in your

1566
00:42:05,730 --> 00:42:07,844
wedding and planning, just going, Hey,

1567
00:42:07,844 --> 00:42:09,344
here's everything we discussed today.

1568
00:42:09,374 --> 00:42:10,754
If any of this is incorrect,

1569
00:42:10,754 --> 00:42:11,744
please let me know.

1570
00:42:11,945 --> 00:42:13,181
So looking forward to seeing you

1571
00:42:13,181 --> 00:42:14,471
again, meeting with you again.

1572
00:42:14,692 --> 00:42:15,946
You have to have documentation

1573
00:42:15,946 --> 00:42:17,536
of it because it really comes in

1574
00:42:17,536 --> 00:42:19,186
handy for situations like this.

1575
00:42:19,419 --> 00:42:20,679
Yes, I love that.

1576
00:42:20,951 --> 00:42:22,329
Okay, one final thing.

1577
00:42:22,479 --> 00:42:24,969
People send me their wedding hot takes,

1578
00:42:25,125 --> 00:42:26,535
so I'm gonna read just two of them and

1579
00:42:26,535 --> 00:42:28,675
just gimme your, quick opinion on them.

1580
00:42:28,885 --> 00:42:29,995
I know we probably covered some of

1581
00:42:29,995 --> 00:42:32,422
these, but this person said, spending

1582
00:42:32,512 --> 00:42:34,729
the equal amount of a down payment

1583
00:42:34,729 --> 00:42:37,519
for a house on a wedding is insane.

1584
00:42:37,799 --> 00:42:38,575
This is a really like

1585
00:42:38,575 --> 00:42:40,135
controversial thing I think.

1586
00:42:40,395 --> 00:42:41,794
If you can afford it,

1587
00:42:42,105 --> 00:42:42,524
fine.

1588
00:42:42,759 --> 00:42:44,324
I think it only gets controversial

1589
00:42:44,324 --> 00:42:45,284
if you can't afford it.

1590
00:42:45,505 --> 00:42:47,510
And again, I think, some people

1591
00:42:47,510 --> 00:42:48,710
don't wanna be homeowners or

1592
00:42:48,710 --> 00:42:50,570
they can't be homeowners, so

1593
00:42:50,807 --> 00:42:51,820
personal finance is personal.

1594
00:42:51,820 --> 00:42:52,480
That's what I always

1595
00:42:52,480 --> 00:42:53,230
say at her first center.

1596
00:42:53,230 --> 00:42:53,500
K. Yeah.

1597
00:42:53,730 --> 00:42:55,604
but if you're going into

1598
00:42:55,604 --> 00:42:57,134
debt, yeah, absolutely not.

1599
00:42:57,465 --> 00:42:57,797
Yeah.

1600
00:42:58,080 --> 00:42:59,305
last one.

1601
00:42:59,583 --> 00:43:00,185
Oh, okay.

1602
00:43:01,059 --> 00:43:02,229
This is gonna be like a personal,

1603
00:43:02,420 --> 00:43:04,562
but, this says, real flowers

1604
00:43:04,562 --> 00:43:05,882
are the biggest waste of money.

1605
00:43:06,032 --> 00:43:07,322
Go without and get

1606
00:43:07,322 --> 00:43:09,152
artificial ones as they last.

1607
00:43:09,738 --> 00:43:11,579
Again, if it's important to you, I

1608
00:43:11,579 --> 00:43:12,779
think real flowers would be important

1609
00:43:12,779 --> 00:43:14,909
to me at my wedding because I love them.

1610
00:43:15,105 --> 00:43:16,103
but I live in Seattle

1611
00:43:16,103 --> 00:43:17,873
where Pi place market is.

1612
00:43:17,873 --> 00:43:18,803
This is what a lot of people do

1613
00:43:18,803 --> 00:43:20,631
in Seattle, is they don't get, you

1614
00:43:20,631 --> 00:43:21,621
know, the florist and the crazy

1615
00:43:21,621 --> 00:43:23,181
things is they'll go the day before.

1616
00:43:23,466 --> 00:43:24,854
Go down to pipe place market, get

1617
00:43:24,854 --> 00:43:27,194
basically the farm fresh flowers

1618
00:43:27,399 --> 00:43:29,091
that are there and then have

1619
00:43:29,091 --> 00:43:30,806
their crafty mom or mother-in-law.

1620
00:43:31,269 --> 00:43:33,359
With them, like put the bouquets together.

1621
00:43:33,359 --> 00:43:34,289
Great way to get fresh

1622
00:43:34,289 --> 00:43:35,219
flowers on a budget.

1623
00:43:35,442 --> 00:43:36,579
but you can also, I've seen like

1624
00:43:36,579 --> 00:43:38,409
people do fresh flowers with,

1625
00:43:38,629 --> 00:43:41,083
faux flowers or, prioritize.

1626
00:43:41,083 --> 00:43:42,823
Okay, I'm gonna have a big bouquet, but

1627
00:43:42,823 --> 00:43:44,593
my bridesmaids are just gonna carry,

1628
00:43:44,759 --> 00:43:46,259
eucalyptus or something like that.

1629
00:43:46,259 --> 00:43:47,723
That's less expensive.

1630
00:43:47,966 --> 00:43:49,429
Again, if you can afford it and

1631
00:43:49,429 --> 00:43:50,779
it's a priority for you, great.

1632
00:43:50,779 --> 00:43:52,766
It just means you maybe can't have

1633
00:43:52,959 --> 00:43:54,186
something else that you might want to.

1634
00:43:54,583 --> 00:43:54,966
Yeah.

1635
00:43:55,119 --> 00:43:56,503
I was just telling someone, one of the

1636
00:43:56,503 --> 00:43:58,303
prettiest bouquets I saw at a wedding,

1637
00:43:58,303 --> 00:43:59,533
I was helping with the wedding once

1638
00:43:59,533 --> 00:44:02,773
total DIY on a campground, we pulled

1639
00:44:02,773 --> 00:44:04,513
wild flowers, love the day before.

1640
00:44:04,513 --> 00:44:04,573
Yeah.

1641
00:44:05,098 --> 00:44:05,986
And threw 'em on the tables.

1642
00:44:06,046 --> 00:44:06,196
Love it.

1643
00:44:06,196 --> 00:44:07,666
And they looked so beautiful.

1644
00:44:07,696 --> 00:44:09,393
So just gotta do what you can work with.

1645
00:44:09,691 --> 00:44:11,169
Just keep in mind, I have a good friend

1646
00:44:11,169 --> 00:44:12,579
who's a florist and she's seen the

1647
00:44:12,579 --> 00:44:14,409
horror stories of, if you have a bunch

1648
00:44:14,409 --> 00:44:15,579
of beautiful flowers and it's going

1649
00:44:15,579 --> 00:44:17,753
to be hot at the wedding, yeah, those

1650
00:44:17,753 --> 00:44:20,783
flowers will wilt like nobody's business.

1651
00:44:20,783 --> 00:44:22,633
So, if you're getting married in

1652
00:44:22,633 --> 00:44:25,926
the middle of the summer, in Italy.

1653
00:44:26,466 --> 00:44:28,806
Just understand that your flowers,

1654
00:44:28,806 --> 00:44:30,036
your venue's gonna have to understand

1655
00:44:30,036 --> 00:44:31,176
what to do with those flowers so

1656
00:44:31,176 --> 00:44:32,226
that they don't wilt, you know?

1657
00:44:32,226 --> 00:44:32,286
Yeah.

1658
00:44:32,427 --> 00:44:33,526
Like, you just need to

1659
00:44:33,526 --> 00:44:34,576
have that expectation too.

1660
00:44:34,899 --> 00:44:35,206
Yeah.

1661
00:44:35,236 --> 00:44:36,676
Something I definitely think about.

1662
00:44:36,916 --> 00:44:39,259
Well, thank you so much for coming on.

1663
00:44:39,436 --> 00:44:41,146
I'm always like learning so much from you.

1664
00:44:41,243 --> 00:44:42,113
like I said, I'm a huge

1665
00:44:42,113 --> 00:44:42,953
fan of your podcast.

1666
00:44:42,953 --> 00:44:43,673
I have your book.

1667
00:44:43,673 --> 00:44:43,853
Thank you.

1668
00:44:44,153 --> 00:44:45,979
the information, the content you

1669
00:44:45,979 --> 00:44:48,699
share is just so, so important for

1670
00:44:48,699 --> 00:44:50,649
women, not only just women, but.

1671
00:44:50,871 --> 00:44:52,424
Women to learn and I just

1672
00:44:52,424 --> 00:44:53,624
really appreciate your time.

1673
00:44:53,898 --> 00:44:54,998
Thank you so much for having me.

1674
00:44:55,328 --> 00:44:56,164
so one last thing.

1675
00:44:56,164 --> 00:44:57,424
Can you just tell everyone where they

1676
00:44:57,424 --> 00:44:59,164
can find your work, follow you, and then

1677
00:44:59,164 --> 00:45:00,514
anything exciting that you're working on?

1678
00:45:00,891 --> 00:45:02,568
Yeah, so her first a hundred k is

1679
00:45:02,568 --> 00:45:03,858
where you can find me her first hundred

1680
00:45:03,858 --> 00:45:05,988
k.com, or at her first hundred K. We

1681
00:45:05,988 --> 00:45:07,785
have over 5 million other financial

1682
00:45:07,785 --> 00:45:09,495
feminists who would love to come see you.

1683
00:45:09,702 --> 00:45:10,988
financial Feminist is the name of

1684
00:45:10,988 --> 00:45:12,278
my book and podcast, so wherever

1685
00:45:12,278 --> 00:45:13,208
you're listening right now, you'll

1686
00:45:13,208 --> 00:45:14,738
find financial feminists there too.

1687
00:45:15,497 --> 00:45:16,697
we always have a lot of really

1688
00:45:16,697 --> 00:45:17,807
cool stuff we're working on.

1689
00:45:17,807 --> 00:45:18,047
I think.

1690
00:45:18,182 --> 00:45:19,502
My favorite thing right now is

1691
00:45:19,502 --> 00:45:20,989
we launched, one of our programs

1692
00:45:20,989 --> 00:45:22,461
called the a hundred K Club, it's

1693
00:45:22,461 --> 00:45:24,051
basically all of the resources you

1694
00:45:24,051 --> 00:45:25,281
need to get your first a hundred k.

1695
00:45:25,281 --> 00:45:26,894
So for people trying to pay off

1696
00:45:26,894 --> 00:45:27,854
debt, trying to learn how to

1697
00:45:27,854 --> 00:45:29,714
spend mindfully trying to save,

1698
00:45:29,957 --> 00:45:30,914
we have an incredible community.

1699
00:45:30,914 --> 00:45:33,374
We do live events, we do coaching with me.

1700
00:45:33,584 --> 00:45:35,054
and so yeah, you can find all the

1701
00:45:35,054 --> 00:45:36,944
information at her first hundred k.com.

1702
00:45:37,297 --> 00:45:37,801
Awesome.

1703
00:45:37,801 --> 00:45:38,791
Thank you so much.

1704
00:45:39,104 --> 00:45:39,577
Thank you.