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Hi Paige.

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Thank you so much for coming on.

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Thanks for having me.

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I'm so excited to talk to you.

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I was just saying before we started

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recording that I think I first saw you

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on, I wanna say it was probably TikTok

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or something and you stitched Dave

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Ramsey and I love like this feminist

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movement where we were just calling out

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people that maybe say things that are

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a little harmful to, especially when

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we talk about moms and the mother load.

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And I always tend to

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like just jump right in.

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But can we talk a little

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bit about what that was?

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I kinda wanna talk about.

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Your platform and how that's

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kind of like grown over the years

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and what you kind of focus on?

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yeah,

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sure.

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Yeah, so that video in particular

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was right up my alley because I talk

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a lot about childcare and he was

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talking about the cost of childcare.

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And so for context, I create content

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and I started out talking about

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just being a working mother and.

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part of that conversation is  logistics.

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How do I make it work?

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How much do I pay for daycare?

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What does our schedule look like?

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Just all of those things.

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And I was just sharing my lived

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experience of motherhood, and the

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very first time I went viral on TikTok

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was talking about how much I pay for

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daycare, because people were just.

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Astonished at how expensive it is, and,

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didn't even believe me transparently.

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A lot of people were

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like, that's not real.

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And so I spend a lot of time bringing

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awareness to the childcare crisis

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because this is something that is

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happening to most people in our

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country, like most people and parents

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are experiencing, the high cost of

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childcare and the impacts of that.

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And so.

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When I saw the video of Dave

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Ramsey saying $25,000 a year for

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childcare, like, that's not real.

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I felt like I had to respond

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because it is very real.

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It is the lived experience of

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many, many families, and for

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me, he's a financial expert.

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He should understand the finances

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of the people he's speaking to and

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the fact that this is the reality

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for most people in our country.

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Mm-hmm.

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Yeah, and I think when.

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You get to a certain, I don't

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know, I would say platform of

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his, He can't really relate to the

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common person, the common family.

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and so I feel like, I feel like

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your content is so necessary because

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so many moms might go in and see

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something like his, and it's like,

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oh wait, I shouldn't be paying this.

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Or like, this isn't normal, but

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like we can't relate to someone like

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that, that actually is not in it.

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Right.

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Totally.

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Yeah.

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I think first and foremost, I think

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he's of a different generation,

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and so childcare looks different

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today than it did even 10 years ago.

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And so if you haven't been a

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parent to young children in a

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very long time, you don't know

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the realities of the cost, right?

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So I think in that way he's out of touch.

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But it is his job to be in touch

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with what the average experience

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is of parents in our country,

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especially if he's giving out.

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Financial advice, but I also think just

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in general, Dave has a very specific

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idea of what it should look like, right?

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he had a stay at home partner.

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He, personally likes that, right?

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Like that idea of, women providing

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that childcare, or at least he

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insinuates that in some of his content.

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And, Yeah.

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You know, I just think he has a

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very specific platform and form of

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advice that he gives, and I just

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felt like in that instance, you

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know, I'm not a financial expert.

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I don't pretend to be, but in

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that instance, he was saying

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something that I felt like was so

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outlandish and out of touch that

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it had to be addressed in some way.

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So I know I kinda like jumped the gun

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right into that, conversation that I saw.

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Sure.

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But

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can you tell everyone a little bit more

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about what you post about on your page,

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your content, and what you feel your

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mission has become, with your posting?

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Sure.

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So yeah, I talk a lot about being a

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working mother and the realities of

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what modern marriage and motherhood

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look like specifically for women.

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I will say my following on all

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platforms is 99% women, sometimes 98.

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You know, it fluctuates.

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Mm-hmm.

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But it's mostly women because

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my content for them is relatable

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and it's something that they,

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understand and see themselves in.

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I would say the thing that

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most people know me for is.

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Speaking about the mental load

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specifically as it relates to motherhood,

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but I speak about it in general as well.

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Mm-hmm.

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And.

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My goal with that conversation is to help

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women articulate what's happening in their

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lives so they can better, process that

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with their partner, find equity at home,

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and hopefully in the workplace as well.

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And as part of that mission, I

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also talk about systemic things

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like lack of pay, parental leave,

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lack of affordable childcare.

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the motherhood penalty in the workplace.

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So my overarching goal is to

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help women advocate for gender

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equity in all facets of life.

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So not, being the default

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parent by default, right?

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All of these things that I think as a

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society have been very normal for very

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long, but are leading women to feel burnt

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out and exhausted, and I do that through.

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Sharing my own experience, but

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also just thought leadership

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on these topics in general.

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Yeah, I love that.

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It's so powerful and it's funny, I

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mention it time and time again, but

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like before doing all of this, I worked

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for a mommy brand and ironically it

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was before I had my daughter and but

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with that, it was, I heard firsthand

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stories from moms, like struggling to

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go back to work, having to go back to

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work after six weeks or unpaid leave.

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And when I started kinda like digging

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into it, I was like, this is outrageous.

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Like it's, we're in a country

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where they want us to have more

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kids, but then there's no support

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when you do have those kids.

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so what do you think are the biggest like.

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Things like work.

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I mean, workplaces is one thing.

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what can workplaces do?

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What can we do as a society to kind of

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like raise awareness to all this stuff?

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I think talking about it first

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and foremost is really important,

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bringing these topics up.

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You know, the things I've mentioned,

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childcare, paid parental leave.

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We often view these as women's issues,

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when in reality they're a family issue.

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They should be impacting anyone who

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is a parent, not just women, but women

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are the ones that disproportionately

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take on this work, right?

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So if there's no

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childcare, who stays home.

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Typically mom

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who adjust their career,

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typically mom,

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right?

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And so that's just a societal expectation.

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And then sometimes people will

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point to the fact that, well,

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oh, the husband makes more money.

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And that just points the wage gap, right?

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It's just like, it's this kinda

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like chicken and egg thing, right?

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We're struggling at home, we're

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struggling in the workplace, and

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they're really tied together.

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And so I think on an individual level.

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I like to tell people

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this is not a failure.

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Like if you've ended up in a position

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where you're burnt out and exhausted

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and you're struggling with the mental

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load and your career has taken a hit due

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to childcare or whatever it might be.

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You're not alone in that.

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That's not a personal failure, that's

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a systemic failure across the board.

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But also there's certain things that

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are within our control that we can do.

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And so we can't fix all the systems

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at one time, but we can do some

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things, which is, for example, if your

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husband has access to paid parental

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leave, he should be taking it.

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Mm-hmm.

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So many men don't.

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So many men have access and they

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don't take it, and they don't take it.

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Because they're afraid it's gonna

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hurt their career, which ultimately

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just hurts women's careers more

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and hurts their partners and

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their baby and all of the things.

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And so, we need men to be doing that.

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We need, policies that support

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parents in the workplace.

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So adequate sick time, adequate

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paid leave, flexible work schedules.

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we need to stop these return

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to office mandates that

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disproportionately impact women, right?

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Like there's all these things,

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but also within our homes.

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One of the reasons I suggest paid parental

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leave not suggest I strongly encourage,

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is because when men take it, they're more

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likely to carry that mental load with

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their partner from the beginning and.

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The mental load disparity happens

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very, very early on, typically

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even before you have kids.

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I think about, when my husband and I were

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in our twenties and we were going to a

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million weddings, I always bought the

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gift and the card and booked the hotel

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and coordinated all the things, and he was

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there, but I was coordinating it, right?

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Like I carried that mental load.

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It wasn't super heavy until we had

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kids, and so being aware of these

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dynamics in advance and talking about

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them with your partner, putting systems

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in place to avoid one person carrying

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too much, that's something we can

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do, and there's tools to do that.

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I love that.

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Yeah.

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I feel like it's such an

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important conversation

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that a lot of families either don't

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have or don't know they should or

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00:07:30,928 --> 00:07:33,061
can have them because it's just,

279
00:07:33,181 --> 00:07:34,728
that's the way it was when I grew up.

280
00:07:34,728 --> 00:07:36,924
Or my dad went to work, my mom was home.

281
00:07:36,924 --> 00:07:39,351
So I just thought that's how it went.

282
00:07:39,541 --> 00:07:41,498
and I think, like I said, with working at

283
00:07:41,498 --> 00:07:44,009
the mom brand, I was able to see like, ah.

284
00:07:44,251 --> 00:07:45,421
I don't want that when I go

285
00:07:45,421 --> 00:07:47,024
through postpartum, I need my part.

286
00:07:47,024 --> 00:07:48,161
It was like, have your partner

287
00:07:48,161 --> 00:07:49,361
support you, get your partner

288
00:07:49,361 --> 00:07:50,621
involved in the process.

289
00:07:50,808 --> 00:07:52,081
Because so many women would like

290
00:07:52,081 --> 00:07:53,704
tell me like, oh, my husband wasn't

291
00:07:53,704 --> 00:07:54,874
even in the room when I gave birth.

292
00:07:54,874 --> 00:07:55,864
Or he went right back

293
00:07:55,864 --> 00:07:56,944
to work the next day.

294
00:07:56,944 --> 00:07:57,004
Yeah.

295
00:07:57,213 --> 00:07:59,188
And even if they had a choice to stay

296
00:07:59,188 --> 00:08:00,598
home, they're like, oh, well I gotta work.

297
00:08:00,628 --> 00:08:01,954
And it's just like, you don't

298
00:08:01,954 --> 00:08:03,278
realize if you are setting

299
00:08:03,278 --> 00:08:04,658
your family up for failure.

300
00:08:04,658 --> 00:08:06,598
if you don't take that time as a partner,

301
00:08:06,841 --> 00:08:08,063
to the one that gave birth, right?

302
00:08:08,283 --> 00:08:09,483
And so I feel like it's such an

303
00:08:09,483 --> 00:08:11,373
interesting conversation because

304
00:08:11,620 --> 00:08:13,823
that push and pull between work and

305
00:08:14,026 --> 00:08:15,616
sticking up for your family essentially.

306
00:08:15,983 --> 00:08:16,320
Yeah.

307
00:08:16,320 --> 00:08:17,012
And I think, know, it's

308
00:08:17,012 --> 00:08:17,732
the narrative, right?

309
00:08:17,732 --> 00:08:19,112
We've put a real premium in our

310
00:08:19,112 --> 00:08:20,762
country on men being providers

311
00:08:20,762 --> 00:08:22,262
and doing the paid work and women

312
00:08:22,262 --> 00:08:24,002
doing the unpaid care work at home.

313
00:08:24,002 --> 00:08:25,699
And so even like the overnight

314
00:08:25,699 --> 00:08:27,289
feedings I've said on social media,

315
00:08:27,289 --> 00:08:28,982
like, dad should be doing some of

316
00:08:28,982 --> 00:08:30,362
those, even if they're partners

317
00:08:30,362 --> 00:08:31,442
breastfeeding, like they can change

318
00:08:31,442 --> 00:08:33,302
the diaper, they can soothe the baby.

319
00:08:33,362 --> 00:08:33,452
Mm-hmm.

320
00:08:33,452 --> 00:08:34,022
And men are like, well,

321
00:08:34,022 --> 00:08:34,952
I have work tomorrow.

322
00:08:35,432 --> 00:08:37,488
It's like, she's gonna be up tomorrow too.

323
00:08:37,638 --> 00:08:37,998
Okay.

324
00:08:37,998 --> 00:08:39,138
Like, and doing something

325
00:08:39,138 --> 00:08:40,038
incredibly important, which

326
00:08:40,038 --> 00:08:40,998
is caring for your newborn.

327
00:08:40,998 --> 00:08:42,742
And we have this narrative of.

328
00:08:42,942 --> 00:08:44,693
This work that men do outside of

329
00:08:44,693 --> 00:08:46,043
the home being really important,

330
00:08:46,043 --> 00:08:47,273
if not more important than the

331
00:08:47,273 --> 00:08:48,473
work their partner does at home.

332
00:08:48,473 --> 00:08:49,767
And so I really think we

333
00:08:49,767 --> 00:08:50,517
should push back on that.

334
00:08:50,517 --> 00:08:51,750
And I, do think most

335
00:08:51,750 --> 00:08:53,729
men wanna be good dads.

336
00:08:53,910 --> 00:08:55,146
They wanna be good partners.

337
00:08:55,146 --> 00:08:57,226
But to your point, like as a society and,

338
00:08:57,286 --> 00:08:58,724
kind of what's been modeled for us just

339
00:08:58,724 --> 00:09:00,044
doesn't show us what that looks like.

340
00:09:00,044 --> 00:09:00,794
Mm-hmm.

341
00:09:01,085 --> 00:09:01,955
I was talking to someone the other

342
00:09:01,955 --> 00:09:03,005
day and they were asking like,

343
00:09:03,035 --> 00:09:04,955
oh, how was your, postpartum?

344
00:09:05,168 --> 00:09:06,015
And I realized, I'm like.

345
00:09:06,563 --> 00:09:08,513
Obviously I had a lot of challenges and

346
00:09:08,513 --> 00:09:10,840
stuff, but I think because my husband

347
00:09:10,840 --> 00:09:11,980
at the time, like where he was working

348
00:09:11,980 --> 00:09:13,930
at the time, he got like two weeks off.

349
00:09:14,135 --> 00:09:15,010
I was like, this is what it's

350
00:09:15,010 --> 00:09:16,710
gonna be like when I'm, postpartum.

351
00:09:16,710 --> 00:09:17,249
Like, I'm gonna need

352
00:09:17,249 --> 00:09:17,789
you to help with this.

353
00:09:17,789 --> 00:09:19,219
And like, I remember just being

354
00:09:19,219 --> 00:09:20,719
responsible for like breastfeeding.

355
00:09:20,779 --> 00:09:22,136
I was like, other than that, he

356
00:09:22,166 --> 00:09:23,336
did everything else or we were

357
00:09:23,336 --> 00:09:24,536
able to split other things.

358
00:09:25,148 --> 00:09:26,738
I would hear of all these moms like

359
00:09:26,738 --> 00:09:28,452
having like postpartum depression

360
00:09:28,482 --> 00:09:29,902
and obviously that's so nuanced.

361
00:09:29,902 --> 00:09:30,892
There's so many reasons

362
00:09:30,892 --> 00:09:32,032
why women go through that.

363
00:09:32,032 --> 00:09:32,242
Right?

364
00:09:32,272 --> 00:09:32,692
Totally.

365
00:09:32,938 --> 00:09:34,586
But I feel like a lot of it could be

366
00:09:34,586 --> 00:09:37,096
helped with a supportive partner or

367
00:09:37,096 --> 00:09:39,396
supportive workplaces because a lot of

368
00:09:39,396 --> 00:09:41,089
times these women are stressed about going

369
00:09:41,089 --> 00:09:42,979
back to work in a few weeks and they're

370
00:09:42,979 --> 00:09:44,542
not getting paid and they have to get

371
00:09:44,542 --> 00:09:46,769
their child in daycare and, that's a lot.

372
00:09:47,050 --> 00:09:47,671
There's a lot.

373
00:09:47,844 --> 00:09:48,894
you even mentioned daycare.

374
00:09:48,894 --> 00:09:50,484
Women are typically the ones finding

375
00:09:50,484 --> 00:09:52,224
childcare, and that's really hard to do.

376
00:09:52,482 --> 00:09:53,794
And so yeah, it's not as

377
00:09:53,794 --> 00:09:55,144
simple as just being home,

378
00:09:55,204 --> 00:09:56,581
taking care of a sleeping baby.

379
00:09:56,728 --> 00:09:57,928
it's pretty complex what's going on.

380
00:09:57,928 --> 00:09:58,948
I'm glad to hear that you had

381
00:09:59,161 --> 00:10:00,284
the support that you need.

382
00:10:00,284 --> 00:10:01,604
I mean, similar to my husband had.

383
00:10:01,864 --> 00:10:03,064
Not a lot of time with

384
00:10:03,064 --> 00:10:03,904
our first three kids.

385
00:10:03,904 --> 00:10:04,804
He had no time.

386
00:10:05,054 --> 00:10:06,080
and then with our fourth, he

387
00:10:06,080 --> 00:10:07,610
had four weeks and it was night

388
00:10:07,610 --> 00:10:09,170
and day experience for us.

389
00:10:09,230 --> 00:10:09,500
Right.

390
00:10:09,500 --> 00:10:10,640
It was a vastly different

391
00:10:10,640 --> 00:10:11,720
experience for me.

392
00:10:11,917 --> 00:10:13,410
and I think that's so important.

393
00:10:13,410 --> 00:10:14,610
I wish everyone had that.

394
00:10:14,800 --> 00:10:15,100
I know.

395
00:10:15,100 --> 00:10:16,930
It's like, imagine how it would be

396
00:10:16,930 --> 00:10:19,553
if men were like forced, like, you

397
00:10:19,553 --> 00:10:21,943
have to be home during these 2, 3,

398
00:10:21,943 --> 00:10:23,273
4 weeks, whatever that looks like.

399
00:10:23,515 --> 00:10:24,490
And just support.

400
00:10:24,768 --> 00:10:25,013
Women.

401
00:10:25,043 --> 00:10:25,370
Yeah.

402
00:10:25,543 --> 00:10:26,863
I mean, some countries do that.

403
00:10:26,863 --> 00:10:28,483
They mandate it, that men have to

404
00:10:28,483 --> 00:10:29,953
take it, and there's like specific

405
00:10:29,953 --> 00:10:31,273
rules around how that looks.

406
00:10:31,273 --> 00:10:33,136
And so yeah, I think unfortunately

407
00:10:33,136 --> 00:10:34,306
in order to get men to do it,

408
00:10:34,306 --> 00:10:35,596
oftentimes it has to be mandated.

409
00:10:35,800 --> 00:10:38,250
but I do think, more and more men are

410
00:10:38,250 --> 00:10:39,840
doing it, but we still need to see

411
00:10:39,840 --> 00:10:41,490
that improve across the board and.

412
00:10:41,813 --> 00:10:43,333
know, there's data to show that, the

413
00:10:43,333 --> 00:10:44,983
work that women are doing and the mental,

414
00:10:44,983 --> 00:10:47,173
they're caring it leads to real impact,

415
00:10:47,173 --> 00:10:49,273
mental, emotional, physical tolls on

416
00:10:49,273 --> 00:10:51,703
women, and that has a long-term impact

417
00:10:51,703 --> 00:10:53,130
on their, lives and their wellbeing.

418
00:10:53,130 --> 00:10:54,720
And so if we care about that, if we care

419
00:10:54,720 --> 00:10:56,130
about mothers as much as we say we do,

420
00:10:56,130 --> 00:10:57,220
then we should prioritize their care.

421
00:10:57,774 --> 00:10:58,312
Yeah.

422
00:10:58,531 --> 00:11:00,005
So I bet with like posting this

423
00:11:00,005 --> 00:11:01,595
kind of content, I mean, I see it

424
00:11:01,595 --> 00:11:02,915
'cause I follow a lot of content

425
00:11:02,915 --> 00:11:04,828
about like talking about, inequality

426
00:11:04,828 --> 00:11:07,178
with women or, Women empowerment.

427
00:11:07,178 --> 00:11:09,098
There's always the haters in the comments.

428
00:11:09,320 --> 00:11:10,549
What do you think the most, like,

429
00:11:10,549 --> 00:11:11,694
not necessarily like hate, comment,

430
00:11:11,694 --> 00:11:13,917
or like argument against what you

431
00:11:13,917 --> 00:11:16,037
have to say, or, you know, negative

432
00:11:16,037 --> 00:11:17,807
comments that people will comment

433
00:11:17,837 --> 00:11:19,730
and how do you kind of handle that?

434
00:11:20,167 --> 00:11:21,767
Yeah, I mean, I think a lot of people

435
00:11:21,767 --> 00:11:24,934
say couple things, that I hate men,

436
00:11:24,994 --> 00:11:26,980
which I don't, I don't hate men.

437
00:11:27,109 --> 00:11:29,077
I just want men to show up

438
00:11:29,107 --> 00:11:31,314
in a more meaningful way and.

439
00:11:31,525 --> 00:11:33,199
I think most of them want to do that,

440
00:11:33,199 --> 00:11:34,759
which I know not everybody believes that.

441
00:11:34,759 --> 00:11:36,619
Like I actually am a person on

442
00:11:36,619 --> 00:11:37,429
the internet who says, like, I

443
00:11:37,429 --> 00:11:38,719
actually think most dads wanna

444
00:11:38,719 --> 00:11:40,489
be good people and good parents.

445
00:11:40,679 --> 00:11:41,999
they're not doing it necessarily,

446
00:11:41,999 --> 00:11:43,259
but I think they want to.

447
00:11:43,349 --> 00:11:44,639
And so it's worth trying

448
00:11:44,639 --> 00:11:45,539
to get them there.

449
00:11:45,776 --> 00:11:47,336
but most people say, I hate men,

450
00:11:47,936 --> 00:11:50,219
or, that my husband must hate me.

451
00:11:50,454 --> 00:11:52,127
those are two top comments, because

452
00:11:52,127 --> 00:11:53,567
I've talked about my own experience in

453
00:11:53,567 --> 00:11:54,887
marriage and motherhood with my partner

454
00:11:54,887 --> 00:11:55,877
and what that journey's been like.

455
00:11:55,877 --> 00:11:57,597
And so, this mostly comes from men.

456
00:11:57,657 --> 00:11:59,307
Obviously it's not coming from women.

457
00:11:59,307 --> 00:12:00,717
I would say the vast majority of women.

458
00:12:01,126 --> 00:12:02,978
Feel understood or at least

459
00:12:02,978 --> 00:12:04,268
relate to something that I'm

460
00:12:04,268 --> 00:12:05,708
saying, even if not everything.

461
00:12:05,888 --> 00:12:07,235
but those tend to be the top

462
00:12:07,235 --> 00:12:08,405
comments, which is because I'm

463
00:12:08,405 --> 00:12:10,076
pushing for gender equity that yeah.

464
00:12:10,076 --> 00:12:11,126
I don't like men and then

465
00:12:11,126 --> 00:12:12,926
men in my life don't like me.

466
00:12:13,129 --> 00:12:13,759
Mm.

467
00:12:14,032 --> 00:12:15,392
I feel like too, it's like people that

468
00:12:15,392 --> 00:12:17,072
say that kind of thing, in their family.

469
00:12:17,072 --> 00:12:18,544
It's like, if it's not, broke,

470
00:12:18,544 --> 00:12:19,594
don't fix it kind of thing.

471
00:12:19,624 --> 00:12:19,924
Yeah.

472
00:12:19,984 --> 00:12:21,631
It works for them, but does

473
00:12:21,631 --> 00:12:22,861
it actually work for them?

474
00:12:22,891 --> 00:12:24,601
Maybe it works for them as the male

475
00:12:24,601 --> 00:12:26,137
partner, but have they actually

476
00:12:26,137 --> 00:12:27,487
sat down with their partner and

477
00:12:27,487 --> 00:12:29,377
asked, does this work for you?

478
00:12:29,587 --> 00:12:31,124
But I think are probably afraid

479
00:12:31,124 --> 00:12:32,624
to ask that question because they

480
00:12:32,624 --> 00:12:34,124
don't wanna get the pushback or have

481
00:12:34,124 --> 00:12:36,121
to carry more of that mental load.

482
00:12:36,437 --> 00:12:37,584
Yeah, I think it's, layered.

483
00:12:37,764 --> 00:12:38,574
I think it depends on

484
00:12:38,574 --> 00:12:39,714
the person, obviously.

485
00:12:39,714 --> 00:12:40,014
And.

486
00:12:40,271 --> 00:12:42,242
one I hear from women in their sixties,

487
00:12:42,242 --> 00:12:43,652
seventies, all the time who are like,

488
00:12:43,652 --> 00:12:45,632
I wish I'd had this when I was younger.

489
00:12:45,662 --> 00:12:46,682
'cause I just suffered through it.

490
00:12:46,682 --> 00:12:48,662
And I spent 40 years of my life catering

491
00:12:48,662 --> 00:12:50,282
to somebody who never helped me at all.

492
00:12:50,501 --> 00:12:52,422
And I hear that constantly.

493
00:12:52,422 --> 00:12:53,562
And then I'm lucky enough to hear from

494
00:12:53,562 --> 00:12:55,272
young women who are learning about what

495
00:12:55,272 --> 00:12:57,072
they do and don't want in a relationship.

496
00:12:57,072 --> 00:12:59,126
But I think for men, some of it's,

497
00:12:59,230 --> 00:13:00,446
you know, what did I see growing up?

498
00:13:00,793 --> 00:13:01,491
What did my dad do?

499
00:13:01,491 --> 00:13:02,421
What did my mom do?

500
00:13:02,660 --> 00:13:04,397
I think to your point of happiness, one

501
00:13:04,397 --> 00:13:05,777
of the comments that I see often, which

502
00:13:05,777 --> 00:13:07,277
is always so surprising to me, and I think

503
00:13:07,277 --> 00:13:09,657
comes from a very specific subset of men,

504
00:13:09,870 --> 00:13:12,657
is that men will sacrifice their happiness

505
00:13:12,657 --> 00:13:14,547
for their family, and women will sacrifice

506
00:13:14,547 --> 00:13:15,867
their family for their happiness.

507
00:13:15,867 --> 00:13:18,101
So insinuating that women who expect

508
00:13:18,101 --> 00:13:19,451
more from their partner or choose

509
00:13:19,451 --> 00:13:21,164
divorce because they're unhappy, are

510
00:13:21,164 --> 00:13:22,634
choosing their own happiness above their

511
00:13:22,634 --> 00:13:24,824
families, and men are willing to suffer.

512
00:13:25,076 --> 00:13:26,124
For their families.

513
00:13:26,347 --> 00:13:27,764
and it's this very specific talking

514
00:13:27,764 --> 00:13:29,024
point that I find so interesting.

515
00:13:29,024 --> 00:13:30,134
But I think it's, again, trying to

516
00:13:30,134 --> 00:13:31,724
position women in this bad light

517
00:13:31,724 --> 00:13:32,864
the same way we do as single moms.

518
00:13:32,864 --> 00:13:33,074
Right.

519
00:13:33,074 --> 00:13:34,064
Single moms are bad.

520
00:13:34,297 --> 00:13:35,124
Where are the dads?

521
00:13:35,154 --> 00:13:35,364
Right?

522
00:13:35,364 --> 00:13:36,687
Like the moms are there.

523
00:13:36,843 --> 00:13:37,623
we talk about that.

524
00:13:37,623 --> 00:13:39,923
Like yes, the impact that being

525
00:13:39,923 --> 00:13:41,093
raised by a single mother has.

526
00:13:41,305 --> 00:13:43,555
And we never say like, okay, the impact

527
00:13:43,555 --> 00:13:45,415
of a father being absent has, right?

528
00:13:45,415 --> 00:13:46,525
Like, we never talk about that.

529
00:13:46,530 --> 00:13:46,694
Mm-hmm.

530
00:13:46,824 --> 00:13:48,099
So I think it's a branding

531
00:13:48,099 --> 00:13:49,299
thing, but essentially like.

532
00:13:49,494 --> 00:13:51,574
Whenever women do something that

533
00:13:51,664 --> 00:13:53,914
remotely prioritizes themselves,

534
00:13:54,138 --> 00:13:55,564
we position it as selfish.

535
00:13:55,564 --> 00:13:56,404
When women have a career,

536
00:13:56,404 --> 00:13:57,544
they're selfish, right?

537
00:13:57,544 --> 00:13:59,210
They're, looking to make a ton of money.

538
00:13:59,210 --> 00:14:00,274
They're letting somebody

539
00:14:00,274 --> 00:14:01,234
else raise their kid.

540
00:14:01,264 --> 00:14:03,171
When men do it, they're providers,

541
00:14:03,171 --> 00:14:04,431
they're family men, right?

542
00:14:04,431 --> 00:14:05,571
They're putting food in the table.

543
00:14:05,712 --> 00:14:06,988
We, very different narratives

544
00:14:06,988 --> 00:14:08,488
for men and women in our society.

545
00:14:08,488 --> 00:14:08,923
So much so that.

546
00:14:09,580 --> 00:14:11,522
we would never call a mom a

547
00:14:11,522 --> 00:14:13,622
hands-on mom or a present mom.

548
00:14:13,682 --> 00:14:13,802
Mm-hmm.

549
00:14:14,132 --> 00:14:15,726
But like so many women will be

550
00:14:15,726 --> 00:14:16,746
like, I have the best husband.

551
00:14:16,746 --> 00:14:17,856
He's such a present dad.

552
00:14:17,856 --> 00:14:19,116
He is so hands-on.

553
00:14:19,303 --> 00:14:20,872
It's like, yeah, you, kind of have

554
00:14:20,872 --> 00:14:22,132
to be hands-on with the toddler.

555
00:14:22,132 --> 00:14:23,302
Like there's no other

556
00:14:23,440 --> 00:14:24,882
version of parenthood.

557
00:14:24,882 --> 00:14:25,092
Right.

558
00:14:25,092 --> 00:14:25,782
For women.

559
00:14:25,956 --> 00:14:27,499
And so it's just so interesting.

560
00:14:27,499 --> 00:14:29,072
I think some of it is just, yeah, the

561
00:14:29,072 --> 00:14:30,812
status quo, what we're used to, and

562
00:14:30,812 --> 00:14:32,492
then other parts of it are kind of

563
00:14:32,492 --> 00:14:34,249
like, yeah, what we think about men and

564
00:14:34,249 --> 00:14:35,959
women at their time and whose time we

565
00:14:35,959 --> 00:14:36,619
truly value.

566
00:14:36,853 --> 00:14:38,052
That's such a good point.

567
00:14:38,082 --> 00:14:38,382
Yeah.

568
00:14:38,382 --> 00:14:39,756
It's like I've seen videos about

569
00:14:39,756 --> 00:14:41,022
where it's like a mom could be

570
00:14:41,022 --> 00:14:42,372
juggling like a few kids at the

571
00:14:42,372 --> 00:14:43,920
store and they're like, that's a mom.

572
00:14:44,037 --> 00:14:45,083
The kid might be like throwing a

573
00:14:45,083 --> 00:14:46,373
tantrum or something and they're

574
00:14:46,373 --> 00:14:47,453
just like, okay, whatever.

575
00:14:47,453 --> 00:14:48,533
She's doing her mom thing.

576
00:14:48,717 --> 00:14:49,780
But if a dad does it,

577
00:14:50,680 --> 00:14:51,760
he's such a good dad.

578
00:14:51,820 --> 00:14:52,690
The best dad.

579
00:14:52,690 --> 00:14:53,950
She's such a good dad.

580
00:14:54,167 --> 00:14:55,560
And I remember like people will say

581
00:14:55,571 --> 00:14:56,681
stuff about my husband, they'll be

582
00:14:56,681 --> 00:14:58,451
like, oh, he changes the diapers.

583
00:14:58,451 --> 00:15:00,292
Oh, he takes her places by himself.

584
00:15:00,292 --> 00:15:00,532
I'm like.

585
00:15:00,776 --> 00:15:02,456
Well, he's her father.

586
00:15:02,486 --> 00:15:03,176
Like why wouldn't he?

587
00:15:03,176 --> 00:15:03,596
Yeah.

588
00:15:03,836 --> 00:15:05,556
But I feel like it's also generational,

589
00:15:05,556 --> 00:15:07,078
like, at least my parents' generation,

590
00:15:07,078 --> 00:15:08,248
I feel like a lot of times it was

591
00:15:08,487 --> 00:15:10,032
Stayat home mom, so she was with the

592
00:15:10,032 --> 00:15:12,498
kids a lot, the dad was at work and

593
00:15:12,498 --> 00:15:13,968
you know, you saw them for dinner time.

594
00:15:14,202 --> 00:15:15,159
the older generations are

595
00:15:15,159 --> 00:15:16,659
like, what's happening here?

596
00:15:16,659 --> 00:15:18,009
Like, something's shifting.

597
00:15:18,718 --> 00:15:19,078
Totally.

598
00:15:19,101 --> 00:15:20,068
I think things are shifting.

599
00:15:20,068 --> 00:15:21,658
I think in the millennial generation

600
00:15:21,890 --> 00:15:23,481
you're seeing more egalitarian

601
00:15:23,481 --> 00:15:25,431
relationships, which is amazing.

602
00:15:25,678 --> 00:15:26,898
you're seeing a little bit more

603
00:15:26,898 --> 00:15:28,278
polarization in the younger

604
00:15:28,278 --> 00:15:29,778
generations between men and women and

605
00:15:29,778 --> 00:15:30,978
what they expect from one another.

606
00:15:30,978 --> 00:15:31,908
And I think.

607
00:15:32,064 --> 00:15:33,974
There's many reasons for that, but it

608
00:15:33,974 --> 00:15:35,894
is interesting how different millennial

609
00:15:35,894 --> 00:15:37,784
men are compared to their fathers.

610
00:15:37,784 --> 00:15:39,211
And I think that's a good thing.

611
00:15:39,316 --> 00:15:40,604
I think it's a good thing, but

612
00:15:40,604 --> 00:15:42,074
it doesn't come without pushback.

613
00:15:42,074 --> 00:15:43,214
Obviously, when you're talking about

614
00:15:43,214 --> 00:15:45,928
these, deeply ingrained expectations

615
00:15:45,928 --> 00:15:47,488
of men and women, when you push back

616
00:15:47,488 --> 00:15:49,468
on those people, it gets uncomfortable.

617
00:15:49,678 --> 00:15:50,908
Yeah, definitely.

618
00:15:51,188 --> 00:15:52,854
it's for the better good of, everyone.

619
00:15:52,854 --> 00:15:53,484
For sure.

620
00:15:53,706 --> 00:15:54,248
I agree.

621
00:15:54,436 --> 00:15:55,576
what's your message for

622
00:15:55,576 --> 00:15:56,986
anyone listening that.

623
00:15:57,273 --> 00:15:59,019
Maybe is, struggling with the mental load

624
00:15:59,019 --> 00:16:00,489
right now and doesn't kind of know the

625
00:16:00,489 --> 00:16:02,109
first steps to take either with their

626
00:16:02,109 --> 00:16:04,269
partner or their family or their work.

627
00:16:04,610 --> 00:16:06,089
with the mental load in particular, I

628
00:16:06,089 --> 00:16:07,979
often say the first thing you have to do

629
00:16:07,979 --> 00:16:09,599
is just start to understand what it is.

630
00:16:09,599 --> 00:16:11,429
I think oftentimes women feel incredibly

631
00:16:11,429 --> 00:16:13,109
burnt out and exhausted and they feel

632
00:16:13,109 --> 00:16:14,189
like they're kind of on this hamster

633
00:16:14,189 --> 00:16:15,689
wheel they can never get off of.

634
00:16:15,689 --> 00:16:17,919
They have this ongoing running to-do list

635
00:16:17,919 --> 00:16:19,989
that's always there and never shorter.

636
00:16:20,039 --> 00:16:20,379
and.

637
00:16:20,612 --> 00:16:22,272
but They can't articulate that,

638
00:16:22,912 --> 00:16:23,939
their partner says What's wrong,

639
00:16:23,939 --> 00:16:25,169
they're just like, I don't even know.

640
00:16:25,169 --> 00:16:26,360
There's a million things I could tell you.

641
00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:27,269
A million things that I'm

642
00:16:27,269 --> 00:16:28,349
stressed out about right now.

643
00:16:28,589 --> 00:16:30,129
And so first and foremost, I suggest

644
00:16:30,129 --> 00:16:31,719
people familiarize themselves

645
00:16:31,719 --> 00:16:33,933
with the terms and what's actually

646
00:16:33,933 --> 00:16:34,953
playing into the mental load.

647
00:16:34,953 --> 00:16:36,783
And so one way to do that is to.

648
00:16:37,229 --> 00:16:38,911
We say, make the invisible visible,

649
00:16:39,069 --> 00:16:41,361
write things down every thought that pops

650
00:16:41,361 --> 00:16:42,861
into your brain, which is like, I have

651
00:16:42,861 --> 00:16:45,858
to pay, the school for a raffle basket.

652
00:16:46,001 --> 00:16:47,051
my kids need cash 'cause they're

653
00:16:47,051 --> 00:16:48,461
going to the beach tomorrow with camp.

654
00:16:48,461 --> 00:16:50,771
I have all these reminders on my phone

655
00:16:50,771 --> 00:16:52,151
and I think a really important way to

656
00:16:52,151 --> 00:16:53,381
do this is just write everything down.

657
00:16:53,426 --> 00:16:54,656
For a week, two weeks, just write

658
00:16:54,656 --> 00:16:56,913
it all down and look at it and

659
00:16:56,913 --> 00:16:59,163
you'll see, you'll start to see

660
00:16:59,339 --> 00:17:00,769
what that mental load looks like.

661
00:17:00,769 --> 00:17:01,749
What are the things that

662
00:17:01,749 --> 00:17:02,559
are weighing you down?

663
00:17:02,559 --> 00:17:03,819
What's stressing you out the most?

664
00:17:03,819 --> 00:17:05,439
What's causing the most tension?

665
00:17:05,673 --> 00:17:06,373
where do you think your

666
00:17:06,373 --> 00:17:07,693
partner can support you?

667
00:17:07,855 --> 00:17:09,123
Where do you feel like you're strong?

668
00:17:09,333 --> 00:17:10,807
being able to look at it

669
00:17:10,902 --> 00:17:11,867
in a really concrete way.

670
00:17:11,867 --> 00:17:13,845
I use a spreadsheet, I offer this

671
00:17:13,845 --> 00:17:14,845
to people, whoever wants it, it's

672
00:17:14,845 --> 00:17:16,058
part of my free guide, but I have

673
00:17:16,058 --> 00:17:17,378
a spreadsheet and it just lists a

674
00:17:17,378 --> 00:17:19,118
bunch of tasks that most families do.

675
00:17:19,118 --> 00:17:20,168
It's from the book Fair Play.

676
00:17:20,168 --> 00:17:21,818
E Rodsky created this game, which

677
00:17:21,818 --> 00:17:22,568
is a really great way to make

678
00:17:22,568 --> 00:17:23,798
that invisible labor visible.

679
00:17:23,943 --> 00:17:26,328
Doing that is so helpful just for you

680
00:17:26,328 --> 00:17:27,775
as a person to be able to see it and

681
00:17:27,775 --> 00:17:29,515
say like, wow, okay, this is why I'm

682
00:17:29,515 --> 00:17:30,985
tired, like this is why I'm stressed out.

683
00:17:31,168 --> 00:17:32,277
and then from there.

684
00:17:32,504 --> 00:17:33,890
You can think about having a conversation

685
00:17:33,890 --> 00:17:35,090
with your partner, but I often tell

686
00:17:35,090 --> 00:17:36,620
women like, sometimes you're not

687
00:17:36,620 --> 00:17:37,700
ready for a conversation with your

688
00:17:37,700 --> 00:17:38,900
partner and you just need to be able

689
00:17:38,900 --> 00:17:40,760
to say it to your therapist or say

690
00:17:40,760 --> 00:17:42,807
it to your best friend and start

691
00:17:42,807 --> 00:17:44,457
to articulate what you're feeling.

692
00:17:44,457 --> 00:17:45,597
And then once you've been able to do

693
00:17:45,597 --> 00:17:47,530
that, then you can start to have the

694
00:17:47,530 --> 00:17:49,407
hard conversations of, okay, well what

695
00:17:49,407 --> 00:17:51,117
does it look like for us to change this?

696
00:17:51,357 --> 00:17:51,777
Mm-hmm.

697
00:17:52,211 --> 00:17:52,800
I love that.

698
00:17:52,800 --> 00:17:53,670
Saying it out loud.

699
00:17:53,670 --> 00:17:54,360
'cause I feel like a lot of

700
00:17:54,360 --> 00:17:56,017
times, like as women, we like

701
00:17:56,047 --> 00:17:57,967
keep things in until like, yeah.

702
00:17:58,165 --> 00:17:59,865
Kind of builds up a little bit and then

703
00:17:59,865 --> 00:18:01,335
it's like you can't take it anymore.

704
00:18:01,335 --> 00:18:03,388
So, I love that, getting it outside,

705
00:18:03,388 --> 00:18:05,188
saying it to a therapist, a friend,

706
00:18:05,188 --> 00:18:07,282
and kind of piggybacking off of that.

707
00:18:07,565 --> 00:18:09,395
okay, let's get into, because

708
00:18:09,395 --> 00:18:10,535
I know everyone loves the crazy

709
00:18:10,535 --> 00:18:12,125
stories Wedding Hot takes.

710
00:18:12,402 --> 00:18:14,498
Let's get into some different

711
00:18:14,528 --> 00:18:16,148
hot takes for weddings.

712
00:18:16,408 --> 00:18:17,082
if as we're kind of

713
00:18:17,082 --> 00:18:18,222
talking, you have like any.

714
00:18:18,445 --> 00:18:19,915
Wild wedding stories or wanna share

715
00:18:19,915 --> 00:18:21,791
anything, you know,  no pressure to share

716
00:18:21,791 --> 00:18:23,291
anything personal if you don't want to.

717
00:18:23,514 --> 00:18:23,814
okay.

718
00:18:23,844 --> 00:18:24,744
These are hot takes

719
00:18:24,744 --> 00:18:25,944
that people sent to me.

720
00:18:26,207 --> 00:18:26,939
Here's what they said.

721
00:18:27,208 --> 00:18:29,256
It's okay to skip traditions

722
00:18:29,256 --> 00:18:30,846
that don't resonate with you,

723
00:18:31,058 --> 00:18:32,599
including the white dress.

724
00:18:32,838 --> 00:18:32,956
Yeah.

725
00:18:33,751 --> 00:18:34,321
Why not?

726
00:18:34,594 --> 00:18:35,753
my daughter's daycare teacher just

727
00:18:35,753 --> 00:18:37,193
got married and she wore a pink dress,

728
00:18:37,193 --> 00:18:38,303
and my daughters are all about it.

729
00:18:38,303 --> 00:18:39,983
They're like, that was beautiful.

730
00:18:40,193 --> 00:18:41,393
It was like a baby, like

731
00:18:41,393 --> 00:18:42,593
very light, light pink.

732
00:18:42,593 --> 00:18:44,316
But they, a four and

733
00:18:44,316 --> 00:18:45,726
3-year-old are obsessed.

734
00:18:46,596 --> 00:18:46,656
Yeah.

735
00:18:46,656 --> 00:18:48,666
So I love that like old princess dress.

736
00:18:48,876 --> 00:18:49,090
I know.

737
00:18:49,090 --> 00:18:49,900
I feel like there's so many things

738
00:18:49,900 --> 00:18:52,282
that we do with weddings or whatever it

739
00:18:52,282 --> 00:18:54,412
else It is, and we don't like ask why.

740
00:18:54,412 --> 00:18:55,529
We're just like, let's just do it.

741
00:18:55,534 --> 00:18:55,764
Yeah.

742
00:18:56,098 --> 00:18:56,489
Yeah.

743
00:18:56,874 --> 00:18:58,794
It says you don't owe anyone a plus one,

744
00:18:58,794 --> 00:19:00,774
especially if they've never met the one.

745
00:19:01,137 --> 00:19:02,414
Mm, yeah.

746
00:19:02,735 --> 00:19:03,294
Yeah.

747
00:19:03,324 --> 00:19:04,644
There's a weird expectation that

748
00:19:04,644 --> 00:19:06,894
you have to give people a plus one.

749
00:19:06,894 --> 00:19:09,177
And I think, going back to the finances

750
00:19:09,177 --> 00:19:10,707
talk from the beginning, it's like,

751
00:19:10,868 --> 00:19:12,641
it's expensive to have a wedding and

752
00:19:12,641 --> 00:19:14,741
I'm paying for your plus one to be here.

753
00:19:14,948 --> 00:19:16,451
And I think depending on

754
00:19:16,454 --> 00:19:17,662
who's funding it, right?

755
00:19:17,662 --> 00:19:19,282
Like having that understanding, be

756
00:19:19,282 --> 00:19:20,212
able to understand, especially if

757
00:19:20,212 --> 00:19:21,292
they're your close friends, like.

758
00:19:21,446 --> 00:19:23,726
I can't give everybody a plus one,

759
00:19:23,756 --> 00:19:24,986
and I think that should be okay.

760
00:19:24,986 --> 00:19:26,396
I think context matters

761
00:19:26,396 --> 00:19:27,146
if you're inviting.

762
00:19:27,459 --> 00:19:28,936
A coworker who knows no one

763
00:19:28,936 --> 00:19:30,166
and you give them no plus one.

764
00:19:30,196 --> 00:19:31,599
I actually think that's probably

765
00:19:31,599 --> 00:19:32,679
pretty uncomfortable for them.

766
00:19:32,679 --> 00:19:33,909
If you're inviting your cousin

767
00:19:33,909 --> 00:19:35,379
who has 20 other cousins at the

768
00:19:35,379 --> 00:19:36,766
wedding, they don't need a plus one.

769
00:19:37,006 --> 00:19:37,426
Right?

770
00:19:37,456 --> 00:19:37,696
Yeah.

771
00:19:37,696 --> 00:19:38,926
Like your 16-year-old cousin

772
00:19:38,926 --> 00:19:39,976
that just started dating someone.

773
00:19:39,976 --> 00:19:40,756
I think they can come with

774
00:19:40,756 --> 00:19:41,699
their parents like that.

775
00:19:41,699 --> 00:19:42,029
That's fine.

776
00:19:42,029 --> 00:19:42,269
Yeah.

777
00:19:42,502 --> 00:19:43,732
I find this interesting thing when

778
00:19:43,732 --> 00:19:45,692
I post about either, like if I do a

779
00:19:45,692 --> 00:19:48,325
skit about plus ones or kids being

780
00:19:48,325 --> 00:19:49,375
invited or something like that.

781
00:19:49,615 --> 00:19:51,070
People have this, they either

782
00:19:51,070 --> 00:19:52,330
are like, yes, I agree.

783
00:19:52,480 --> 00:19:54,010
you don't owe anyone an invite.

784
00:19:54,010 --> 00:19:54,280
Right?

785
00:19:54,468 --> 00:19:55,616
The other side of people are

786
00:19:55,616 --> 00:19:57,410
like, just say you're broke if

787
00:19:57,410 --> 00:19:58,760
you're poor, don't have a wedding.

788
00:19:58,790 --> 00:20:00,350
I've had some people say that and

789
00:20:00,350 --> 00:20:01,706
I'm like, just because they're

790
00:20:01,706 --> 00:20:03,146
not inviting the whole world

791
00:20:03,146 --> 00:20:05,476
and then some, doesn't mean they

792
00:20:05,476 --> 00:20:07,426
don't have money or they're broke.

793
00:20:07,670 --> 00:20:08,668
Everything's nuanced.

794
00:20:08,668 --> 00:20:09,028
Right?

795
00:20:09,028 --> 00:20:10,618
And it's just like, I don't know.

796
00:20:10,678 --> 00:20:11,128
Yeah.

797
00:20:11,341 --> 00:20:12,901
It also reminds me of, like, when I talk

798
00:20:12,901 --> 00:20:13,921
about childcare, people will say, well,

799
00:20:13,921 --> 00:20:15,241
don't have kids if you can't afford 'em.

800
00:20:15,391 --> 00:20:17,011
And it's like, okay, but I am

801
00:20:17,011 --> 00:20:18,031
having kids that I can afford.

802
00:20:18,031 --> 00:20:19,411
It doesn't mean that it's not expensive.

803
00:20:19,641 --> 00:20:20,658
people are having weddings

804
00:20:20,688 --> 00:20:22,248
that they can afford.

805
00:20:22,486 --> 00:20:23,231
It just means they can't

806
00:20:23,231 --> 00:20:24,131
invite your plus one.

807
00:20:24,383 --> 00:20:25,779
to me, it's very like classist to

808
00:20:25,779 --> 00:20:26,799
be, like, to say, you're broke.

809
00:20:26,799 --> 00:20:28,267
It's like everybody's having the

810
00:20:28,267 --> 00:20:29,287
wedding that they can afford.

811
00:20:29,685 --> 00:20:30,674
they can afford or that's

812
00:20:30,674 --> 00:20:31,724
within their budget.

813
00:20:31,980 --> 00:20:32,757
And if you don't like

814
00:20:32,757 --> 00:20:33,567
it, then don't attend.

815
00:20:33,627 --> 00:20:33,837
Right.

816
00:20:33,837 --> 00:20:34,707
Then don't go.

817
00:20:34,910 --> 00:20:35,980
But I don't think we should judge

818
00:20:35,980 --> 00:20:37,930
anybody for the scale of their wedding

819
00:20:37,930 --> 00:20:39,160
or how many people they can invite or

820
00:20:39,160 --> 00:20:40,737
how expensive it is, because at the

821
00:20:40,737 --> 00:20:42,657
end of the day, we're all living in

822
00:20:42,657 --> 00:20:44,877
this world and this economy together.

823
00:20:44,877 --> 00:20:45,177
Right.

824
00:20:45,177 --> 00:20:46,347
We all have different means.

825
00:20:46,347 --> 00:20:48,207
I think it's a very strange take to have,

826
00:20:48,657 --> 00:20:49,167
honestly.

827
00:20:49,167 --> 00:20:49,557
Yeah.

828
00:20:49,647 --> 00:20:50,727
It's so interesting.

829
00:20:50,727 --> 00:20:51,207
Yeah.

830
00:20:51,361 --> 00:20:53,194
That's such a good point too about the

831
00:20:53,224 --> 00:20:55,654
kids comment, because you hear that all

832
00:20:55,654 --> 00:20:58,297
the time One, it's like if just because

833
00:20:58,297 --> 00:21:00,007
someone has a budget or they're like, oh,

834
00:21:00,007 --> 00:21:02,510
this is expensive, or we can't afford to

835
00:21:02,510 --> 00:21:05,306
do this because blank, it doesn't mean

836
00:21:05,306 --> 00:21:07,526
they made a poor choice and why are we No.

837
00:21:07,556 --> 00:21:08,906
Why are we putting someone

838
00:21:08,906 --> 00:21:10,856
down because of their life?

839
00:21:10,856 --> 00:21:11,516
And I don't know.

840
00:21:11,516 --> 00:21:12,356
I find that so.

841
00:21:12,840 --> 00:21:14,013
Yeah, it's also a very

842
00:21:14,013 --> 00:21:15,063
privileged take, right?

843
00:21:15,063 --> 00:21:17,043
Like we're all like one bad

844
00:21:17,043 --> 00:21:20,043
medical disaster or layoff away

845
00:21:20,103 --> 00:21:21,513
from struggling financially like

846
00:21:21,513 --> 00:21:23,073
most people in this country.

847
00:21:23,103 --> 00:21:25,567
And so if you have that perspective,

848
00:21:25,567 --> 00:21:27,337
you can understand that some people

849
00:21:27,337 --> 00:21:29,193
maybe aren't prioritizing plus ones

850
00:21:29,193 --> 00:21:30,243
at their wedding because they're

851
00:21:30,243 --> 00:21:31,653
saving for a down payment on a house.

852
00:21:31,653 --> 00:21:32,673
And so they're not broke.

853
00:21:32,790 --> 00:21:33,443
They just have different

854
00:21:33,443 --> 00:21:35,333
priorities to you, and that's okay.

855
00:21:35,510 --> 00:21:36,307
But I do think it's a pretty

856
00:21:36,307 --> 00:21:37,567
privilege take to have that.

857
00:21:38,370 --> 00:21:39,690
just say you're broke side of it.

858
00:21:40,350 --> 00:21:41,965
It's so people are funny in

859
00:21:41,965 --> 00:21:43,849
the comments about honeymoon

860
00:21:43,849 --> 00:21:45,688
stuff or gifting at a wedding.

861
00:21:45,718 --> 00:21:46,918
All these kind of things that

862
00:21:46,918 --> 00:21:48,855
are just do what you can afford.

863
00:21:48,855 --> 00:21:49,695
People are more happy

864
00:21:49,695 --> 00:21:50,625
to have you be there.

865
00:21:50,625 --> 00:21:51,945
It's like, yeah.

866
00:21:52,095 --> 00:21:52,785
Very interesting.

867
00:21:53,207 --> 00:21:53,548
Okay.

868
00:21:53,797 --> 00:21:55,208
To kind of kick off a little bit

869
00:21:55,208 --> 00:21:56,978
more, and before we get to the

870
00:21:56,978 --> 00:21:58,808
wedding story, this is rapid fire.

871
00:21:58,808 --> 00:22:00,008
This is kinda like just a new little.

872
00:22:00,594 --> 00:22:01,291
Wedding chaos.

873
00:22:01,291 --> 00:22:02,161
rapid fire thing.

874
00:22:02,281 --> 00:22:02,551
Okay.

875
00:22:02,888 --> 00:22:05,235
would you rather have your childhood

876
00:22:05,295 --> 00:22:07,768
nemesis in your bridal party or your

877
00:22:07,768 --> 00:22:10,508
partner's ex sitting front row partner's?

878
00:22:10,508 --> 00:22:12,105
X. Okay.

879
00:22:12,135 --> 00:22:13,785
Would you rather have the fire

880
00:22:13,785 --> 00:22:16,245
alarms go off during your vows

881
00:22:16,458 --> 00:22:18,348
or your mic cut out mid speech?

882
00:22:18,805 --> 00:22:19,190
Mike.

883
00:22:20,060 --> 00:22:20,360
Yeah.

884
00:22:20,668 --> 00:22:21,526
I feel like that happens at

885
00:22:21,526 --> 00:22:21,646
like

886
00:22:21,646 --> 00:22:22,486
a lot of the weddings.

887
00:22:22,486 --> 00:22:24,190
Anyway, I was gonna say, and I've been at

888
00:22:24,190 --> 00:22:25,330
a wedding where the fire alarm went off.

889
00:22:25,330 --> 00:22:26,230
It wasn't during the vows, but

890
00:22:26,230 --> 00:22:27,310
we had to evacuate for a while.

891
00:22:28,060 --> 00:22:28,930
Oh gosh.

892
00:22:29,131 --> 00:22:30,340
I just heard a story where

893
00:22:30,340 --> 00:22:31,911
the fire alarm went off.

894
00:22:32,103 --> 00:22:33,843
And they all had to go off into the

895
00:22:33,843 --> 00:22:35,870
parking lot and they ended up just

896
00:22:35,870 --> 00:22:37,460
like the DJ just played music out there

897
00:22:37,460 --> 00:22:39,020
and they like opened up a bar outside.

898
00:22:39,020 --> 00:22:39,530
They're like, we couldn't

899
00:22:39,530 --> 00:22:40,430
afford wait for hours.

900
00:22:40,430 --> 00:22:41,510
And I was like, I love that.

901
00:22:41,510 --> 00:22:42,800
I love that turn of events where

902
00:22:42,800 --> 00:22:44,270
you just make the best of it.

903
00:22:44,300 --> 00:22:45,260
It's memorable.

904
00:22:45,331 --> 00:22:46,010
Yeah, exactly.

905
00:22:46,040 --> 00:22:46,280
Yeah.

906
00:22:46,280 --> 00:22:46,970
Everyone will always

907
00:22:46,970 --> 00:22:47,960
talk about that wedding.

908
00:22:48,166 --> 00:22:49,276
would you rather have your cake be

909
00:22:49,276 --> 00:22:51,496
made of styrofoam for display or

910
00:22:51,496 --> 00:22:53,770
taste like cardboard, styrofoam?

911
00:22:54,083 --> 00:22:55,670
Would you rather your hairstylist

912
00:22:55,670 --> 00:22:57,440
ghost you or your makeup artist?

913
00:22:57,440 --> 00:22:58,880
Show up two hours late.

914
00:22:59,220 --> 00:23:00,773
Hairstylist ghost me?

915
00:23:01,106 --> 00:23:01,556
Yeah.

916
00:23:01,820 --> 00:23:03,770
would you rather accidentally post

917
00:23:03,770 --> 00:23:05,630
your private vows on Instagram or

918
00:23:05,630 --> 00:23:07,990
text them to your ex? These are wild.

919
00:23:08,350 --> 00:23:08,890
Instagram.

920
00:23:09,520 --> 00:23:11,110
I've said worse on Instagram for sure.

921
00:23:12,863 --> 00:23:15,213
It's like at this point someone was asking

922
00:23:15,269 --> 00:23:17,039
how I post content and I'm like, once

923
00:23:17,039 --> 00:23:18,916
you kind of start, you're kind of like,

924
00:23:18,916 --> 00:23:20,956
we're all on this floating rock together.

925
00:23:21,016 --> 00:23:22,156
Like who cares once you Yeah.

926
00:23:22,571 --> 00:23:23,591
It's like once you get it out

927
00:23:23,591 --> 00:23:24,971
there, you're like, I don't care.

928
00:23:25,254 --> 00:23:27,114
these sting sometimes still, but for the

929
00:23:27,114 --> 00:23:28,561
most part, of course I'm just like, I

930
00:23:28,561 --> 00:23:29,971
dunno if you're ever like scrolling, like

931
00:23:29,971 --> 00:23:31,141
TikTok, do you feel like we're just all

932
00:23:31,141 --> 00:23:32,611
like on a talent show and we're all just

933
00:23:32,611 --> 00:23:34,461
kinda like posting different things it

934
00:23:34,461 --> 00:23:36,501
kinda just rolls past you after a while.

935
00:23:49,975 --> 00:23:50,328
Okay.

936
00:23:50,535 --> 00:23:51,538
Let's get into this

937
00:23:51,538 --> 00:23:52,558
week's wedding submission.

938
00:23:52,651 --> 00:23:54,481
as always, people just send me different

939
00:23:54,481 --> 00:23:57,481
stories to react, to give advice or.

940
00:23:57,688 --> 00:23:58,925
I guess it's kind of, I was gonna

941
00:23:58,925 --> 00:24:00,425
say unsolicited, but they sent

942
00:24:00,425 --> 00:24:01,415
it so I guess it's solicited.

943
00:24:01,415 --> 00:24:01,625
Yeah.

944
00:24:01,941 --> 00:24:03,111
so yeah, feel free to stop me at any

945
00:24:03,111 --> 00:24:05,451
time or we can add little side stories.

946
00:24:05,631 --> 00:24:06,441
So let's see.

947
00:24:06,441 --> 00:24:07,701
I have not read it, so

948
00:24:07,701 --> 00:24:08,511
let's see how it goes.

949
00:24:08,746 --> 00:24:08,995
Okay.

950
00:24:09,273 --> 00:24:11,498
or they say, so this is a long story.

951
00:24:11,736 --> 00:24:13,303
It started when my brother-in-law got

952
00:24:13,303 --> 00:24:15,403
married a few months before our wedding.

953
00:24:15,693 --> 00:24:17,166
My mother-in-law insisted

954
00:24:17,166 --> 00:24:18,576
on paying for the reception.

955
00:24:18,836 --> 00:24:20,443
The couple offered to chip in

956
00:24:20,443 --> 00:24:21,913
because they wanted to include

957
00:24:21,913 --> 00:24:23,233
the bride's grandparents.

958
00:24:23,479 --> 00:24:25,296
My mother-in-law said it was fine

959
00:24:25,326 --> 00:24:27,336
and that she would handle everything.

960
00:24:27,686 --> 00:24:28,521
On the day of the wedding,

961
00:24:28,521 --> 00:24:29,631
she was incredibly sweet,

962
00:24:29,879 --> 00:24:31,158
thanking everyone for coming.

963
00:24:31,343 --> 00:24:32,998
But as soon as the guests, including

964
00:24:32,998 --> 00:24:34,678
the couple left and the bill

965
00:24:34,678 --> 00:24:37,171
came, she completely flipped out.

966
00:24:37,406 --> 00:24:39,354
Mind you, this was a low key reception,

967
00:24:39,414 --> 00:24:40,831
at a buffet style restaurant.

968
00:24:41,123 --> 00:24:42,928
My husband tried to calm her down and

969
00:24:42,928 --> 00:24:45,014
even offered to cover the cost for the

970
00:24:45,014 --> 00:24:47,484
bride's grandparents, but she refused

971
00:24:47,484 --> 00:24:49,164
and said they were all ungrateful.

972
00:24:49,484 --> 00:24:51,213
She had also insisted on paying for

973
00:24:51,213 --> 00:24:53,133
the limo the bride took to the church.

974
00:24:53,318 --> 00:24:55,043
It was chaotic getting ready that day.

975
00:24:55,301 --> 00:24:57,546
There were three limos outside and the

976
00:24:57,546 --> 00:24:59,316
drivers were directing us where to go.

977
00:24:59,541 --> 00:25:01,466
We even got into one limo and were told

978
00:25:01,466 --> 00:25:03,476
it was the wrong one, so we had to switch.

979
00:25:03,724 --> 00:25:05,061
At the time, I had a year

980
00:25:05,061 --> 00:25:06,051
and a half old daughter.

981
00:25:06,171 --> 00:25:07,491
She wasn't in the wedding, so

982
00:25:07,491 --> 00:25:08,481
my mother-in-law offered to

983
00:25:08,481 --> 00:25:09,841
watch her after the ceremony.

984
00:25:10,124 --> 00:25:11,448
Anyway, I'm in the limo with the

985
00:25:11,448 --> 00:25:13,291
bridesmaids and the flower girl.

986
00:25:13,321 --> 00:25:14,941
We arrive at the church and there's

987
00:25:14,941 --> 00:25:16,891
my mother-in-law, absolutely fuming.

988
00:25:17,168 --> 00:25:18,771
Apparently the limo we wrote in

989
00:25:18,771 --> 00:25:20,734
was meant for the bride to be fair.

990
00:25:20,734 --> 00:25:22,294
The only difference was the color.

991
00:25:22,548 --> 00:25:23,878
She had my daughter on her hip

992
00:25:23,878 --> 00:25:25,498
and was walking up the steps.

993
00:25:25,761 --> 00:25:27,349
When I saw the bride pulling up in the

994
00:25:27,349 --> 00:25:29,179
other limo, she practically threw my

995
00:25:29,179 --> 00:25:31,201
daughter at me and I tripped trying

996
00:25:31,201 --> 00:25:32,911
to catch her so she wouldn't fall.

997
00:25:33,284 --> 00:25:33,884
My gosh.

998
00:25:34,128 --> 00:25:34,488
Okay.

999
00:25:34,823 --> 00:25:36,743
Then she walked over to the bride's limo.

1000
00:25:37,354 --> 00:25:38,659
Tried to hand her a

1001
00:25:38,659 --> 00:25:40,099
cross necklace to wear.

1002
00:25:40,249 --> 00:25:41,599
The bride politely thanked her,

1003
00:25:41,599 --> 00:25:42,829
but explained she was wearing her

1004
00:25:42,829 --> 00:25:44,209
late grandmother's necklace who

1005
00:25:44,209 --> 00:25:45,679
passed just a few months before.

1006
00:25:46,008 --> 00:25:47,761
That must have been the last straw.

1007
00:25:48,016 --> 00:25:50,418
She reached into the window, window

1008
00:25:50,418 --> 00:25:52,471
of the limo and tried to pull the

1009
00:25:52,471 --> 00:25:54,601
bride out, screaming and cussing

1010
00:25:54,601 --> 00:25:56,761
that she didn't deserve her son.

1011
00:26:00,341 --> 00:26:01,961
then like nothing had happened,

1012
00:26:01,961 --> 00:26:03,701
she walked back to the steps and

1013
00:26:03,701 --> 00:26:05,381
tried to take my daughter again.

1014
00:26:05,658 --> 00:26:07,591
I told her absolutely not that I was

1015
00:26:07,591 --> 00:26:09,391
going to walk down the aisle with her.

1016
00:26:09,601 --> 00:26:11,285
I had already cleared it with the groom

1017
00:26:11,285 --> 00:26:13,165
who was in the back of the church sobbing.

1018
00:26:13,435 --> 00:26:14,631
The bride's parents asked

1019
00:26:14,631 --> 00:26:16,205
her to leave, but she said,

1020
00:26:16,205 --> 00:26:17,405
you'll have to call the cops.

1021
00:26:17,405 --> 00:26:18,395
I'm not leaving without

1022
00:26:18,395 --> 00:26:20,075
seeing my son get married.

1023
00:26:20,308 --> 00:26:22,128
Imagine saying that, and then

1024
00:26:22,335 --> 00:26:23,965
demanding to be there for the wedding.

1025
00:26:24,825 --> 00:26:26,091
No, that's crazy.

1026
00:26:26,091 --> 00:26:28,131
I mean, well, is that it or is there more?

1027
00:26:28,161 --> 00:26:28,581
There's more.

1028
00:26:29,301 --> 00:26:29,631
Okay.

1029
00:26:29,841 --> 00:26:30,935
It's already pretty wild.

1030
00:26:31,221 --> 00:26:33,250
it's funny, like these stories, sometimes

1031
00:26:33,250 --> 00:26:34,810
they seem like out of left field,

1032
00:26:35,078 --> 00:26:36,398
you don't really get like the before.

1033
00:26:36,668 --> 00:26:36,938
Yeah.

1034
00:26:36,938 --> 00:26:37,748
As sometimes you get some of this stuff,

1035
00:26:37,748 --> 00:26:38,768
but then all of a sudden it's just like

1036
00:26:38,768 --> 00:26:41,721
this crazy day that just goes wild.

1037
00:26:42,013 --> 00:26:42,276
okay.

1038
00:26:42,276 --> 00:26:43,656
Sure enough, the cops

1039
00:26:43,656 --> 00:26:45,966
came and escorted her out.

1040
00:26:46,286 --> 00:26:46,943
Oh my.

1041
00:26:47,216 --> 00:26:48,610
That's wild.

1042
00:26:48,610 --> 00:26:48,970
Okay.

1043
00:26:49,250 --> 00:26:50,813
The rest of the wedding was actually

1044
00:26:50,813 --> 00:26:52,823
beautiful and went off without a hitch.

1045
00:26:53,133 --> 00:26:53,420
I,

1046
00:26:53,420 --> 00:26:53,960
well, that's good.

1047
00:26:54,140 --> 00:26:55,040
I guess that's good.

1048
00:26:55,100 --> 00:26:55,520
Yeah.

1049
00:26:55,700 --> 00:26:56,210
Oh my gosh.

1050
00:26:56,210 --> 00:26:56,510
Okay.

1051
00:26:56,660 --> 00:26:57,320
I'm confused though.

1052
00:26:57,320 --> 00:26:57,950
Did she pay for the

1053
00:26:57,950 --> 00:26:59,270
reception and the rehearsal?

1054
00:26:59,330 --> 00:27:00,320
It must have been the rehearsal dinner.

1055
00:27:00,866 --> 00:27:01,313
That she was talking

1056
00:27:01,313 --> 00:27:02,213
about at the beginning.

1057
00:27:02,303 --> 00:27:02,783
Yeah.

1058
00:27:03,063 --> 00:27:03,856
I can't imagine she's

1059
00:27:03,856 --> 00:27:04,726
paying for a reception.

1060
00:27:04,726 --> 00:27:05,926
She's not attending, but

1061
00:27:05,986 --> 00:27:07,816
I know, well, it said she insisted

1062
00:27:07,816 --> 00:27:09,946
on paying for the reception, but

1063
00:27:10,236 --> 00:27:11,600
maybe that's the rehearsal dinner

1064
00:27:11,780 --> 00:27:12,290
maybe.

1065
00:27:12,290 --> 00:27:13,640
Yeah, because it's at the restaurant.

1066
00:27:13,700 --> 00:27:14,270
I don't know.

1067
00:27:14,536 --> 00:27:15,546
Yeah, because it sounds

1068
00:27:15,546 --> 00:27:16,776
like the night before.

1069
00:27:17,621 --> 00:27:18,221
Yeah, right.

1070
00:27:18,581 --> 00:27:19,391
Said, oh yeah.

1071
00:27:19,391 --> 00:27:20,651
So I'm wondering if she

1072
00:27:20,861 --> 00:27:23,008
meant rehearsal, maybe.

1073
00:27:23,188 --> 00:27:23,608
Yeah.

1074
00:27:23,848 --> 00:27:24,958
Because yeah, it was the night before at

1075
00:27:24,958 --> 00:27:26,995
a restaurant, and then they got a check.

1076
00:27:27,301 --> 00:27:27,811
Mm-hmm.

1077
00:27:27,812 --> 00:27:28,261
So, yeah.

1078
00:27:28,540 --> 00:27:29,980
I can't imagine she'd offer to pay

1079
00:27:29,980 --> 00:27:32,403
for it now, especially if everything

1080
00:27:32,403 --> 00:27:33,063
No, sure.

1081
00:27:33,063 --> 00:27:34,653
She was escorted away by the police

1082
00:27:34,653 --> 00:27:35,883
then she wasn't there for the check.

1083
00:27:35,943 --> 00:27:36,273
Right.

1084
00:27:36,333 --> 00:27:38,253
I mean, yeah, that is wild.

1085
00:27:38,553 --> 00:27:40,263
Just because they took the wrong limo.

1086
00:27:40,263 --> 00:27:41,493
I'm so confused of like,

1087
00:27:41,523 --> 00:27:42,723
there must be another.

1088
00:27:42,975 --> 00:27:44,085
Backstory or something that

1089
00:27:44,085 --> 00:27:44,265
happened.

1090
00:27:44,265 --> 00:27:45,495
I mean, it sounds like she doesn't

1091
00:27:45,495 --> 00:27:47,115
like the daughter-in-law and it also

1092
00:27:47,115 --> 00:27:48,555
sounds like, I don't know, there's

1093
00:27:48,555 --> 00:27:49,725
so many accounts out there that talk

1094
00:27:49,725 --> 00:27:51,671
about these kind of mothers of son

1095
00:27:51,671 --> 00:27:54,011
dynamics and mother-in-law dynamics and

1096
00:27:54,011 --> 00:27:56,651
I think this sounds like someone who,

1097
00:27:56,681 --> 00:27:58,211
obviously we do not have the context

1098
00:27:58,211 --> 00:28:00,101
here, but like wanted this wedding day

1099
00:28:00,101 --> 00:28:02,141
to be about her and what she wanted.

1100
00:28:02,141 --> 00:28:02,231
Mm-hmm.

1101
00:28:02,408 --> 00:28:03,818
I also think the grandparent thing is so

1102
00:28:03,818 --> 00:28:05,348
strange 'cause it's like it's two people.

1103
00:28:05,408 --> 00:28:06,278
You agree to it.

1104
00:28:06,498 --> 00:28:07,338
and I think.

1105
00:28:07,679 --> 00:28:08,159
Yes.

1106
00:28:08,365 --> 00:28:09,552
if somebody paid for my rehearsal

1107
00:28:09,552 --> 00:28:11,022
dinner, I would say thank you and be

1108
00:28:11,022 --> 00:28:13,099
grateful and all the things, but, you

1109
00:28:13,099 --> 00:28:14,629
shouldn't do it because you wanna parade.

1110
00:28:14,629 --> 00:28:16,009
Like if you're offering to do it, and

1111
00:28:16,009 --> 00:28:17,787
if you're agreeing to do it, don't know

1112
00:28:17,787 --> 00:28:19,167
what she wants from the bride and groom

1113
00:28:19,167 --> 00:28:20,547
and they're obviously preoccupied with

1114
00:28:20,547 --> 00:28:22,617
everything else and that day's about them.

1115
00:28:22,647 --> 00:28:23,157
And so.

1116
00:28:23,424 --> 00:28:24,837
Even if they are thankful, it

1117
00:28:24,837 --> 00:28:26,517
doesn't have to like, I don't know.

1118
00:28:26,577 --> 00:28:27,777
I don't know what that person wanted.

1119
00:28:27,957 --> 00:28:28,047
Mm-hmm.

1120
00:28:28,537 --> 00:28:29,877
I feel like it's that common trope

1121
00:28:29,907 --> 00:28:31,707
of like, they offer to pay for it,

1122
00:28:31,707 --> 00:28:32,997
but there's this like invisible

1123
00:28:32,997 --> 00:28:34,210
string or like Yeah, they're

1124
00:28:34,210 --> 00:28:36,267
dangling a carrot, to be like, we

1125
00:28:36,267 --> 00:28:38,277
paid for this, so we get to do this.

1126
00:28:38,277 --> 00:28:39,687
Or Yes, there's all these like.

1127
00:28:40,032 --> 00:28:42,132
If I do this, then I get this and

1128
00:28:42,132 --> 00:28:43,632
it's like, that's not how it works.

1129
00:28:43,632 --> 00:28:45,462
If it's a gift, an actual gift, and you

1130
00:28:45,462 --> 00:28:47,819
wanna help, then treat it as a gift.

1131
00:28:48,012 --> 00:28:48,132
Yeah.

1132
00:28:48,132 --> 00:28:50,112
There's no strings attached or control,

1133
00:28:50,172 --> 00:28:51,582
like you don't get to control a situation

1134
00:28:51,582 --> 00:28:53,712
because you financially provided for it.

1135
00:28:53,792 --> 00:28:53,952
Yeah.

1136
00:28:54,042 --> 00:28:54,462
Right.

1137
00:28:54,732 --> 00:28:55,092
Yeah.

1138
00:28:55,092 --> 00:28:56,622
And I feel like they want this, red carpet

1139
00:28:56,622 --> 00:28:58,092
then rolled out like, oh, that's her.

1140
00:28:58,092 --> 00:28:59,472
She paid for the event, you know?

1141
00:28:59,472 --> 00:29:00,192
But it's like, it's still

1142
00:29:00,192 --> 00:29:01,122
not gonna be about you.

1143
00:29:01,122 --> 00:29:02,202
It's about the bride and groom.

1144
00:29:02,500 --> 00:29:02,615
Yeah.

1145
00:29:03,352 --> 00:29:05,992
Now she says, now my wedding.

1146
00:29:06,290 --> 00:29:08,059
After all of that, my husband and I

1147
00:29:08,059 --> 00:29:10,099
decided we were going to elope to Vegas.

1148
00:29:10,099 --> 00:29:10,249
Get it?

1149
00:29:10,470 --> 00:29:11,569
We asked my parents it.

1150
00:29:11,989 --> 00:29:12,904
You're like, I get it.

1151
00:29:13,474 --> 00:29:14,284
Yeah, I get that.

1152
00:29:14,284 --> 00:29:15,214
I eloped as well.

1153
00:29:15,710 --> 00:29:16,280
I get it.

1154
00:29:16,475 --> 00:29:17,040
Okay.

1155
00:29:17,130 --> 00:29:17,550
Okay.

1156
00:29:17,844 --> 00:29:18,035
Yeah.

1157
00:29:18,065 --> 00:29:19,385
Oh no, my family just doesn't get

1158
00:29:19,385 --> 00:29:22,205
along and so I figured instead of that

1159
00:29:22,235 --> 00:29:23,615
whatever is happening here, I don't

1160
00:29:23,615 --> 00:29:24,695
think that would've happened to me.

1161
00:29:24,695 --> 00:29:26,882
But I think, I decided instead to

1162
00:29:27,100 --> 00:29:29,079
elope with my husband in Italy and

1163
00:29:29,079 --> 00:29:30,639
we had the best time by ourselves.

1164
00:29:30,656 --> 00:29:32,465
so, I mean, I get the eloping I

1165
00:29:32,465 --> 00:29:33,485
actually recommended to everyone.

1166
00:29:33,485 --> 00:29:35,105
Even if your family is not complicated,

1167
00:29:35,105 --> 00:29:37,379
because personally to your point

1168
00:29:37,379 --> 00:29:39,119
earlier, like weddings are expensive.

1169
00:29:39,420 --> 00:29:40,577
People are never gonna be fully

1170
00:29:40,577 --> 00:29:41,987
happy with everything that you do.

1171
00:29:42,347 --> 00:29:43,607
if you are a person who knows

1172
00:29:43,607 --> 00:29:44,357
that you're gonna show up at your

1173
00:29:44,357 --> 00:29:45,987
wedding and be more concerned with

1174
00:29:45,987 --> 00:29:47,187
everybody else having a good time

1175
00:29:47,187 --> 00:29:48,567
than having a good time yourself.

1176
00:29:48,757 --> 00:29:50,324
Don't have a wedding, and that's who I am.

1177
00:29:50,384 --> 00:29:51,284
Like I would be running around

1178
00:29:51,284 --> 00:29:52,124
being, are you having fun?

1179
00:29:52,214 --> 00:29:52,964
Are you having fun?

1180
00:29:53,084 --> 00:29:53,654
Are you having fun?

1181
00:29:53,654 --> 00:29:55,594
The host And I wouldn't be having any fun.

1182
00:29:55,624 --> 00:29:57,034
And so eloping, I was

1183
00:29:57,034 --> 00:29:57,724
able to do whatever I

1184
00:29:57,724 --> 00:29:58,339
wanted, which was great.

1185
00:29:58,770 --> 00:30:01,217
That's such great advice because I know

1186
00:30:01,217 --> 00:30:02,627
brides were like, I was a bridesmaid

1187
00:30:02,627 --> 00:30:04,457
for them and the whole time they're

1188
00:30:04,457 --> 00:30:06,107
more concerned about everyone else.

1189
00:30:06,340 --> 00:30:07,314
They're doing everything

1190
00:30:07,314 --> 00:30:08,514
for the other people.

1191
00:30:08,514 --> 00:30:10,587
And it's like, yes, you wanna, care

1192
00:30:10,587 --> 00:30:12,207
obviously, and you want people to enjoy

1193
00:30:12,207 --> 00:30:15,044
themselves, but it goes by so quickly.

1194
00:30:15,104 --> 00:30:16,531
And if you're there like stressed

1195
00:30:16,531 --> 00:30:18,181
about everyone else and like, oh,

1196
00:30:18,181 --> 00:30:20,137
did so and so like their food, or

1197
00:30:20,137 --> 00:30:21,487
did so and so blah, blah, blah.

1198
00:30:21,746 --> 00:30:23,456
it loses the whole purpose, I think.

1199
00:30:23,546 --> 00:30:24,626
Yeah, I agree.

1200
00:30:24,866 --> 00:30:25,226
Yeah.

1201
00:30:25,542 --> 00:30:27,579
okay, so she says they eloped to Vegas.

1202
00:30:27,832 --> 00:30:29,242
we asked my parents to watch our

1203
00:30:29,242 --> 00:30:30,622
daughter and began saving for

1204
00:30:30,622 --> 00:30:32,442
plane tickets in a hotel we had

1205
00:30:32,442 --> 00:30:34,332
planned for a two month window.

1206
00:30:34,662 --> 00:30:35,472
wait, they were going for two?

1207
00:30:36,129 --> 00:30:37,564
I'm assuming in two months from then?

1208
00:30:37,624 --> 00:30:38,254
Yeah, maybe.

1209
00:30:38,329 --> 00:30:38,679
Maybe.

1210
00:30:38,679 --> 00:30:38,699
I dunno.

1211
00:30:39,274 --> 00:30:40,474
No, that was, yeah.

1212
00:30:40,704 --> 00:30:41,574
as I'm reading these,

1213
00:30:41,574 --> 00:30:42,954
I'm like not absorbing.

1214
00:30:42,954 --> 00:30:43,614
I get it the right way.

1215
00:30:45,024 --> 00:30:45,264
okay.

1216
00:30:45,520 --> 00:30:46,824
But as life often goes,

1217
00:30:46,854 --> 00:30:48,294
something unexpected happened.

1218
00:30:48,557 --> 00:30:49,734
I found out I was pregnant with

1219
00:30:49,734 --> 00:30:52,167
our second child, no flying for me.

1220
00:30:52,440 --> 00:30:54,034
So we decided to get married at the

1221
00:30:54,034 --> 00:30:56,314
courthouse and plan to do a vow renewal.

1222
00:30:56,600 --> 00:30:58,519
In Vegas on our one year anniversary.

1223
00:30:58,754 --> 00:30:59,575
We wanted to keep it

1224
00:30:59,575 --> 00:31:00,865
simple and stress free.

1225
00:31:01,130 --> 00:31:02,385
So the mother-in-law from the

1226
00:31:02,385 --> 00:31:04,290
previous story is, that's gotta

1227
00:31:04,290 --> 00:31:06,060
be her husband or partner's mom.

1228
00:31:06,060 --> 00:31:07,230
It's her husband's, yeah.

1229
00:31:07,335 --> 00:31:07,555
Mom.

1230
00:31:07,555 --> 00:31:07,835
Yeah.

1231
00:31:07,840 --> 00:31:08,070
Okay.

1232
00:31:08,335 --> 00:31:10,380
So a mom of two sons it sounds like.

1233
00:31:10,440 --> 00:31:10,920
Who?

1234
00:31:11,142 --> 00:31:11,532
at least

1235
00:31:11,532 --> 00:31:11,772
two?

1236
00:31:11,982 --> 00:31:12,312
Yeah.

1237
00:31:12,372 --> 00:31:12,942
Yeah, at least

1238
00:31:12,942 --> 00:31:13,242
two.

1239
00:31:13,242 --> 00:31:13,782
Yeah.

1240
00:31:13,995 --> 00:31:16,052
Who might not like the daughter-in-laws?

1241
00:31:16,112 --> 00:31:16,412
Okay.

1242
00:31:16,679 --> 00:31:18,830
His mom insisted he stay at her house the

1243
00:31:18,830 --> 00:31:20,970
night before, even though we had already

1244
00:31:20,970 --> 00:31:22,890
been living together for two years.

1245
00:31:23,089 --> 00:31:24,747
She also insisted I wear her

1246
00:31:24,747 --> 00:31:26,487
cross necklace, so she's going

1247
00:31:26,487 --> 00:31:28,467
through these same like motions.

1248
00:31:28,527 --> 00:31:28,707
Mm-hmm.

1249
00:31:29,037 --> 00:31:31,070
Despite me not being religious, I

1250
00:31:31,070 --> 00:31:32,930
had found a dress I love on sale

1251
00:31:32,980 --> 00:31:36,150
Just $260 for the dress, Petco and veil.

1252
00:31:36,376 --> 00:31:37,330
I'm not into heels.

1253
00:31:37,330 --> 00:31:38,920
I even wore flip flops to the previous

1254
00:31:38,920 --> 00:31:41,104
wedding, but she took me shoe shopping

1255
00:31:41,104 --> 00:31:42,574
and made me get these blinged out

1256
00:31:42,574 --> 00:31:44,164
heels instead of the white slipper

1257
00:31:44,164 --> 00:31:46,384
style shoes I liked that were only $10.

1258
00:31:46,709 --> 00:31:47,429
don't understand.

1259
00:31:47,429 --> 00:31:49,584
Made me get she's like, poles are

1260
00:31:49,584 --> 00:31:51,084
up to the front and is like, you're

1261
00:31:51,084 --> 00:31:52,404
wearing these on your wedding day.

1262
00:31:52,464 --> 00:31:52,884
So I'd be like.

1263
00:31:53,438 --> 00:31:53,858
No.

1264
00:31:54,518 --> 00:31:54,818
Yeah.

1265
00:31:55,351 --> 00:31:55,768
Yeah.

1266
00:31:55,798 --> 00:31:56,674
I think, I get it though.

1267
00:31:56,674 --> 00:31:57,994
I think some people have a hard time.

1268
00:31:58,156 --> 00:31:59,007
which I sometimes say I'm

1269
00:31:59,007 --> 00:32:00,267
like a natural people pleaser.

1270
00:32:00,327 --> 00:32:01,497
I'd have a hard time finding a

1271
00:32:01,497 --> 00:32:03,237
way to like tactfully say no.

1272
00:32:03,431 --> 00:32:03,881
but.

1273
00:32:04,196 --> 00:32:05,924
I think also like, yeah, sometimes,

1274
00:32:05,954 --> 00:32:07,244
especially with your own wedding, it's

1275
00:32:07,244 --> 00:32:08,534
like, yeah, I'm not wearing those shoes.

1276
00:32:08,534 --> 00:32:09,074
Thank you though.

1277
00:32:09,134 --> 00:32:10,034
That's so kind of you.

1278
00:32:10,244 --> 00:32:10,984
It's kind of you.

1279
00:32:11,251 --> 00:32:12,418
but I'm gonna politely decline.

1280
00:32:12,583 --> 00:32:14,013
Yeah, I'm sure it's like so

1281
00:32:14,013 --> 00:32:15,243
complicated seeing how she

1282
00:32:15,243 --> 00:32:16,983
reacted to the last wedding.

1283
00:32:16,983 --> 00:32:18,513
So she's like probably tiptoeing

1284
00:32:18,803 --> 00:32:20,333
totally to this mother-in-law.

1285
00:32:20,333 --> 00:32:21,983
Gosh, that's gotta be a nightmare.

1286
00:32:22,187 --> 00:32:22,476
Okay.

1287
00:32:22,707 --> 00:32:23,933
What was supposed to be a short

1288
00:32:23,933 --> 00:32:25,523
25 minute ceremony started to

1289
00:32:25,523 --> 00:32:27,083
feel like a full-blown production.

1290
00:32:27,313 --> 00:32:28,826
I was pregnant, emotional, and

1291
00:32:28,826 --> 00:32:30,146
just wanted to marry my husband,

1292
00:32:30,176 --> 00:32:31,196
eat a burger, and go home.

1293
00:32:31,490 --> 00:32:32,886
My parents offered to take us to an

1294
00:32:32,886 --> 00:32:34,476
Italian restaurant after the ceremony.

1295
00:32:34,476 --> 00:32:36,106
I wasn't thrilled about it, but my

1296
00:32:36,106 --> 00:32:37,726
husband really wanted to go, so I agreed.

1297
00:32:37,960 --> 00:32:39,103
I figured I'd settle for

1298
00:32:39,103 --> 00:32:40,393
ravioli instead of a burger.

1299
00:32:40,633 --> 00:32:42,486
They invited his mom, my best

1300
00:32:42,486 --> 00:32:44,269
friend, who was my witness, and

1301
00:32:44,357 --> 00:32:45,338
his brother, who was his witness.

1302
00:32:46,243 --> 00:32:47,403
The whole time at the restaurant,

1303
00:32:47,403 --> 00:32:49,383
his mom was making nasty comments

1304
00:32:49,383 --> 00:32:51,973
to his brother about his wife.

1305
00:32:52,200 --> 00:32:53,533
Oh my gosh.

1306
00:32:53,740 --> 00:32:55,189
So she still doesn't let this all go.

1307
00:32:55,503 --> 00:32:55,676
No.

1308
00:32:55,676 --> 00:32:57,686
I also wonder how between that wedding

1309
00:32:57,686 --> 00:32:59,456
and this one, how the relationship

1310
00:32:59,456 --> 00:33:00,986
was, if they were like, you know,

1311
00:33:01,270 --> 00:33:02,496
we're gonna keep our distance.

1312
00:33:02,496 --> 00:33:03,426
Or if we're like, oh, it didn't happen

1313
00:33:03,426 --> 00:33:05,076
to us, we're just gonna brush it off.

1314
00:33:05,076 --> 00:33:06,876
Because getting arrested and pulled

1315
00:33:06,876 --> 00:33:08,886
outta your son's wedding is a big deal.

1316
00:33:09,096 --> 00:33:09,886
Yeah, totally.

1317
00:33:10,096 --> 00:33:10,336
Yeah.

1318
00:33:10,336 --> 00:33:10,426
I

1319
00:33:10,426 --> 00:33:10,786
don't know.

1320
00:33:11,016 --> 00:33:12,726
there's a lot of missing pieces here.

1321
00:33:13,296 --> 00:33:13,536
Yeah.

1322
00:33:14,039 --> 00:33:15,428
He eventually got up and left.

1323
00:33:15,606 --> 00:33:17,981
Then she started in on my husband

1324
00:33:18,213 --> 00:33:20,181
saying he wasn't sticking up for her.

1325
00:33:20,271 --> 00:33:21,621
It got super awkward.

1326
00:33:21,863 --> 00:33:23,754
I finally said, it's our wedding day.

1327
00:33:23,754 --> 00:33:24,594
We just wanna celebrate

1328
00:33:24,594 --> 00:33:25,614
with the people we love.

1329
00:33:25,830 --> 00:33:27,574
She looked me dead in the face and

1330
00:33:27,574 --> 00:33:30,154
said, well, now I have no sons.

1331
00:33:30,214 --> 00:33:31,504
Are you happy now?

1332
00:33:31,534 --> 00:33:31,564
Oh

1333
00:33:31,740 --> 00:33:31,948
yeah.

1334
00:33:31,948 --> 00:33:33,638
I think, she's just a classic example

1335
00:33:33,638 --> 00:33:36,399
of the, boy moms we see on social

1336
00:33:36,399 --> 00:33:38,403
media, the ones who are a bit, Yeah.

1337
00:33:38,403 --> 00:33:39,753
Are never gonna be pleased with whoever

1338
00:33:39,753 --> 00:33:41,213
the other, it's weird to say the other

1339
00:33:41,213 --> 00:33:43,419
woman, but the wife is, yeah, essentially.

1340
00:33:43,681 --> 00:33:45,073
I think this is a lived experience

1341
00:33:45,073 --> 00:33:46,183
that many women have and it

1342
00:33:46,183 --> 00:33:47,773
feels like a no-win scenario.

1343
00:33:47,773 --> 00:33:48,763
I mean, obviously we don't

1344
00:33:48,763 --> 00:33:49,663
know the intricacies here.

1345
00:33:49,663 --> 00:33:51,943
We dunno what's going on from this story.

1346
00:33:52,143 --> 00:33:52,263
Mm-hmm.

1347
00:33:52,503 --> 00:33:54,849
It sounds like she feels like she's

1348
00:33:54,879 --> 00:33:56,559
losing quote, unquote losing her

1349
00:33:56,559 --> 00:33:58,039
sons to their wives, which like.

1350
00:33:58,274 --> 00:33:59,639
I think that's what's supposed to happen.

1351
00:33:59,819 --> 00:34:00,509
Yeah, they're adults.

1352
00:34:00,733 --> 00:34:02,981
so yeah, that's complicated for sure.

1353
00:34:03,071 --> 00:34:03,521
Yeah.

1354
00:34:03,638 --> 00:34:06,038
I just had a therapist on last, a couple

1355
00:34:06,038 --> 00:34:08,164
weeks ago, and there's a term for it.

1356
00:34:08,164 --> 00:34:09,708
It's no, I don't wanna butcher it and

1357
00:34:09,708 --> 00:34:11,515
like say the wrong thing, enmeshment.

1358
00:34:11,545 --> 00:34:11,575
Enmeshment.

1359
00:34:12,640 --> 00:34:12,860
Yes.

1360
00:34:12,865 --> 00:34:13,045
Yes.

1361
00:34:13,075 --> 00:34:13,975
And she was like, it's

1362
00:34:13,975 --> 00:34:15,445
when they like can't see

1363
00:34:15,445 --> 00:34:17,125
their kids as separate people.

1364
00:34:17,125 --> 00:34:17,215
Mm-hmm.

1365
00:34:17,388 --> 00:34:18,858
Even when they're into, they're adults,

1366
00:34:18,858 --> 00:34:20,308
they feel like they always owe them,

1367
00:34:20,308 --> 00:34:22,818
or they always are connected in some

1368
00:34:23,035 --> 00:34:25,158
interesting way that's not Yeah.

1369
00:34:25,308 --> 00:34:25,698
Normal.

1370
00:34:25,985 --> 00:34:27,405
Yeah, not normal, but

1371
00:34:27,612 --> 00:34:28,615
I guess it's not, okay.

1372
00:34:28,892 --> 00:34:30,888
I was shocked in complete disbelief.

1373
00:34:30,918 --> 00:34:32,868
My husband calmly asked her to speak.

1374
00:34:32,972 --> 00:34:35,218
with her outside as they were heading out.

1375
00:34:35,435 --> 00:34:36,828
He told my best friend to

1376
00:34:36,828 --> 00:34:38,088
grab my coat and purse.

1377
00:34:38,088 --> 00:34:39,198
We got married in December

1378
00:34:39,434 --> 00:34:40,402
and bring them to him.

1379
00:34:40,681 --> 00:34:42,962
She followed and handed them to his mom.

1380
00:34:43,194 --> 00:34:45,638
Later he told me, he told her behavior

1381
00:34:45,638 --> 00:34:48,405
toward me, toward him, toward us was

1382
00:34:48,405 --> 00:34:50,532
completely unacceptable that she wasn't

1383
00:34:50,532 --> 00:34:51,944
going to ruin another wedding day.

1384
00:34:52,193 --> 00:34:54,011
He told her We needed a break.

1385
00:34:54,191 --> 00:34:54,791
There we go.

1386
00:34:55,027 --> 00:34:56,401
And that she had to accept that

1387
00:34:56,401 --> 00:34:58,741
her sons had found women they love.

1388
00:34:58,960 --> 00:35:01,293
She jumped in her car and sped off.

1389
00:35:01,590 --> 00:35:02,849
We went five months with

1390
00:35:02,849 --> 00:35:04,074
no contact after that.

1391
00:35:04,657 --> 00:35:06,201
The root of it all control.

1392
00:35:06,363 --> 00:35:07,863
She constantly tries to compete

1393
00:35:07,863 --> 00:35:09,363
with everyone financially,

1394
00:35:09,363 --> 00:35:10,803
emotionally, and otherwise.

1395
00:35:11,019 --> 00:35:12,907
That was nearly 14 years ago

1396
00:35:12,907 --> 00:35:14,167
and to this day, we still

1397
00:35:14,167 --> 00:35:15,397
have to take breaks from her.

1398
00:35:15,659 --> 00:35:16,863
So they're not no contact it

1399
00:35:16,863 --> 00:35:18,626
sounds like, but maybe low

1400
00:35:18,626 --> 00:35:19,256
contact.

1401
00:35:19,256 --> 00:35:20,370
I think some people go like low

1402
00:35:20,370 --> 00:35:21,810
contact with their parents, where

1403
00:35:21,870 --> 00:35:23,954
they engage with them when it feels

1404
00:35:23,954 --> 00:35:25,724
like they can and then otherwise.

1405
00:35:26,010 --> 00:35:27,037
take space from them.

1406
00:35:27,296 --> 00:35:28,076
I mean, that's really hard.

1407
00:35:28,076 --> 00:35:29,126
I think you hear about these stories

1408
00:35:29,126 --> 00:35:30,746
a lot of times, and I just dunno that

1409
00:35:30,746 --> 00:35:32,546
there's a healthy way to interact

1410
00:35:32,546 --> 00:35:34,136
with a person who's going to engage.

1411
00:35:34,359 --> 00:35:35,956
Even if I felt incredibly

1412
00:35:35,956 --> 00:35:37,793
wronged by somebody on their

1413
00:35:37,793 --> 00:35:38,988
wedding day, I would say nothing.

1414
00:35:39,208 --> 00:35:39,524
Mm-hmm.

1415
00:35:40,603 --> 00:35:42,473
no matter what, my sister, I don't care.

1416
00:35:42,505 --> 00:35:43,407
Like, I would say nothing.

1417
00:35:43,407 --> 00:35:44,671
I'd be like, that's for my

1418
00:35:44,671 --> 00:35:46,411
therapist for another day.

1419
00:35:46,535 --> 00:35:47,915
That's not, for now.

1420
00:35:48,054 --> 00:35:49,575
I think, people who don't have

1421
00:35:49,575 --> 00:35:51,605
that capacity, obviously, that's

1422
00:35:51,605 --> 00:35:52,955
a very different situation and

1423
00:35:52,955 --> 00:35:54,135
obviously I imagine for her

1424
00:35:54,135 --> 00:35:55,875
sons like so hard to navigate.

1425
00:35:56,059 --> 00:35:56,439
Mm-hmm.

1426
00:35:56,912 --> 00:35:58,922
that's gotta be so hard coming in as like

1427
00:35:59,199 --> 00:36:01,482
a daughter-in-law really excited to Marry

1428
00:36:01,482 --> 00:36:04,335
this person and having your in-law like

1429
00:36:04,365 --> 00:36:06,375
hate you just because you're with her son.

1430
00:36:06,375 --> 00:36:06,435
Yeah.

1431
00:36:06,700 --> 00:36:07,609
No other reason.

1432
00:36:07,609 --> 00:36:09,155
And you really can't win.

1433
00:36:09,155 --> 00:36:10,415
I feel like in a situation like

1434
00:36:10,415 --> 00:36:12,369
that, unless the mom goes to therapy

1435
00:36:12,369 --> 00:36:14,105
maybe, or like do some social

1436
00:36:14,105 --> 00:36:15,700
searching or something, I don't know.

1437
00:36:15,970 --> 00:36:18,070
that's just gotta be really challenging.

1438
00:36:18,565 --> 00:36:18,833
Yeah,

1439
00:36:18,833 --> 00:36:19,493
I can't imagine.

1440
00:36:19,763 --> 00:36:20,003
Yeah.

1441
00:36:20,033 --> 00:36:20,573
Honestly,

1442
00:36:20,782 --> 00:36:22,718
I'm proud of the husband because a lot

1443
00:36:22,718 --> 00:36:25,138
of these stories, you don't hear them

1444
00:36:25,138 --> 00:36:27,838
mention the fiance or partner or husband.

1445
00:36:28,112 --> 00:36:29,698
A lot of times it's just like their

1446
00:36:29,698 --> 00:36:31,408
personal story with the mother-in-law

1447
00:36:31,408 --> 00:36:32,998
or if it is a mother-in-law story

1448
00:36:33,265 --> 00:36:35,425
or the situation, and we're always.

1449
00:36:35,915 --> 00:36:37,090
Where are they in this story?

1450
00:36:37,090 --> 00:36:38,860
So I'm really glad that he like put his

1451
00:36:38,860 --> 00:36:40,420
foot down, was like, this is not okay.

1452
00:36:40,420 --> 00:36:41,763
Because you don't always hear

1453
00:36:41,763 --> 00:36:42,930
that in these stories because

1454
00:36:42,930 --> 00:36:44,130
it sounds like both of them did,

1455
00:36:44,270 --> 00:36:46,230
both brothers, stuck up for their partners

1456
00:36:46,230 --> 00:36:47,250
and I think that's really important.

1457
00:36:47,250 --> 00:36:48,543
You hear that a lot, which is I

1458
00:36:48,543 --> 00:36:50,073
have these awful in-laws and my

1459
00:36:50,103 --> 00:36:51,513
partner doesn't do anything about it.

1460
00:36:51,573 --> 00:36:53,963
And I think that's a really

1461
00:36:54,128 --> 00:36:55,577
difficult situation to be in.

1462
00:36:55,577 --> 00:36:56,357
So yeah, I think it's great

1463
00:36:56,357 --> 00:36:57,737
that both partners, stepped in.

1464
00:36:57,998 --> 00:36:59,220
Yeah, absolutely.

1465
00:36:59,690 --> 00:37:02,330
Well, that was a wild, wild bunny story.

1466
00:37:02,557 --> 00:37:03,060
okay.

1467
00:37:03,353 --> 00:37:04,580
it's funny that we were talking about

1468
00:37:04,700 --> 00:37:06,520
eloping and stuff because when I

1469
00:37:06,520 --> 00:37:07,750
share these kinds of stories, people

1470
00:37:07,750 --> 00:37:09,183
are always like, oh, that's it.

1471
00:37:09,183 --> 00:37:09,993
I'm gonna elope.

1472
00:37:10,148 --> 00:37:11,340
And I think the important

1473
00:37:11,340 --> 00:37:12,450
lesson here is like.

1474
00:37:12,822 --> 00:37:14,975
Know your audience and know what you

1475
00:37:14,975 --> 00:37:16,912
and your partner want ultimately.

1476
00:37:16,912 --> 00:37:17,002
Mm-hmm.

1477
00:37:17,242 --> 00:37:19,835
Because I think eloping is a great idea.

1478
00:37:19,865 --> 00:37:21,305
I don't think everyone should elope,

1479
00:37:21,305 --> 00:37:23,292
but I think it just do whatever makes

1480
00:37:23,292 --> 00:37:24,912
sense for you and block out all the

1481
00:37:24,912 --> 00:37:27,618
noise because it's so easy to think like,

1482
00:37:27,708 --> 00:37:30,965
oh, my parents or my sister, or whoever

1483
00:37:30,965 --> 00:37:32,825
it is, wants this big wedding for us.

1484
00:37:33,045 --> 00:37:33,985
And then you do it and you're

1485
00:37:33,985 --> 00:37:35,425
like, that's not what I wanted.

1486
00:37:35,698 --> 00:37:36,488
And then it's, yeah.

1487
00:37:36,518 --> 00:37:36,878
Disappointing.

1488
00:37:37,262 --> 00:37:37,498
Yeah,

1489
00:37:37,498 --> 00:37:38,938
I think weddings have become this

1490
00:37:38,938 --> 00:37:40,498
like big, big, I mean, they've always

1491
00:37:40,498 --> 00:37:41,878
been a big thing, but I think now

1492
00:37:41,878 --> 00:37:43,378
too, in the age of social media,

1493
00:37:43,378 --> 00:37:44,788
it's like, what's the hashtag?

1494
00:37:44,788 --> 00:37:45,178
What's this?

1495
00:37:45,178 --> 00:37:45,448
What's that?

1496
00:37:45,448 --> 00:37:47,008
It doesn't matter at the end of the day.

1497
00:37:47,188 --> 00:37:48,988
And I think having a strong

1498
00:37:48,988 --> 00:37:50,278
partnership is ultimately.

1499
00:37:50,800 --> 00:37:51,730
The thing that you're gonna hold

1500
00:37:51,730 --> 00:37:52,870
onto for the rest of your life

1501
00:37:52,870 --> 00:37:53,860
is not gonna be that wedding day.

1502
00:37:53,860 --> 00:37:55,320
I will say I have friends who've

1503
00:37:55,320 --> 00:37:57,240
absolutely loved every single second

1504
00:37:57,240 --> 00:37:59,310
of their wedding and loved having one

1505
00:37:59,310 --> 00:38:00,780
and would do it a hundred times more.

1506
00:38:00,972 --> 00:38:02,367
And I think if you are that person

1507
00:38:02,367 --> 00:38:03,357
and you think that's going to be

1508
00:38:03,357 --> 00:38:04,857
you, you should absolutely do it.

1509
00:38:04,857 --> 00:38:05,637
Like do that.

1510
00:38:05,798 --> 00:38:07,347
And if you're not, that's okay.

1511
00:38:07,508 --> 00:38:08,343
And if it doesn't end up being the

1512
00:38:08,343 --> 00:38:09,723
best of your life, that's okay.

1513
00:38:09,943 --> 00:38:11,747
and this is not meant to sound, flippant,

1514
00:38:11,747 --> 00:38:12,797
I guess, or I don't know if that's the

1515
00:38:12,797 --> 00:38:14,515
right word, but as a wedding guest.

1516
00:38:14,778 --> 00:38:15,875
I couldn't tell you what somebody's

1517
00:38:15,875 --> 00:38:17,377
bouquet looked like seven days

1518
00:38:17,377 --> 00:38:19,207
later, let alone seven years later.

1519
00:38:19,207 --> 00:38:20,317
I don't remember, right?

1520
00:38:20,317 --> 00:38:21,877
I'm here ' cause I love you and

1521
00:38:21,877 --> 00:38:22,837
I wanna have a good time and I'm

1522
00:38:22,837 --> 00:38:24,833
gonna dance and I'm probably gonna

1523
00:38:24,833 --> 00:38:26,973
cry at your vows, but no one else

1524
00:38:27,145 --> 00:38:29,529
is nearly as invested as you are.

1525
00:38:29,529 --> 00:38:30,549
And I tell my friends all the time,

1526
00:38:30,549 --> 00:38:31,569
like when I'm a bridesmaid, I'm

1527
00:38:31,569 --> 00:38:33,106
like, don't worry about my pictures.

1528
00:38:33,106 --> 00:38:34,006
You're never gonna look at 'em again.

1529
00:38:34,399 --> 00:38:35,911
You're really not like, you're never

1530
00:38:35,911 --> 00:38:36,871
gonna look at this picture of you and

1531
00:38:36,871 --> 00:38:38,911
I in my bridesmaids dress again, you're

1532
00:38:38,911 --> 00:38:40,141
only gonna look at pictures of you and

1533
00:38:40,141 --> 00:38:41,431
your husband and maybe your family.

1534
00:38:41,431 --> 00:38:41,491
Yeah.

1535
00:38:41,744 --> 00:38:42,768
and that's just the truth.

1536
00:38:42,828 --> 00:38:44,642
Like at the end of the day, we're doing

1537
00:38:44,642 --> 00:38:46,952
it for us and our partner and there's

1538
00:38:46,952 --> 00:38:48,812
so much that goes into it that we stress

1539
00:38:48,812 --> 00:38:50,702
about, and it's like, no one else is

1540
00:38:50,702 --> 00:38:52,262
gonna remember this a week from now.

1541
00:38:52,472 --> 00:38:52,742
Mm-hmm.

1542
00:38:53,638 --> 00:38:53,968
You know?

1543
00:38:53,968 --> 00:38:55,198
So don't kill yourself.

1544
00:38:55,623 --> 00:38:55,913
Yeah.

1545
00:38:55,918 --> 00:38:56,428
Yeah.

1546
00:38:56,428 --> 00:38:57,268
No, I know.

1547
00:38:57,268 --> 00:38:58,318
It's like you hear people

1548
00:38:58,318 --> 00:38:59,428
getting stressed over like.

1549
00:38:59,688 --> 00:39:02,086
I mean the favor being, oh my gosh.

1550
00:39:02,086 --> 00:39:03,166
I was in a wedding once where

1551
00:39:03,166 --> 00:39:04,486
they were stressed about the way

1552
00:39:04,486 --> 00:39:06,466
the favor was on the plate, and I

1553
00:39:06,466 --> 00:39:08,390
was like, no one's gonna notice.

1554
00:39:08,510 --> 00:39:10,220
Let's not stress about that.

1555
00:39:10,220 --> 00:39:10,820
It's okay.

1556
00:39:11,420 --> 00:39:12,200
And they never know.

1557
00:39:12,236 --> 00:39:13,406
I didn't know what it was supposed to

1558
00:39:13,406 --> 00:39:14,636
be, so I don't know that it's wrong.

1559
00:39:14,842 --> 00:39:15,189
Exactly.

1560
00:39:15,189 --> 00:39:15,519
You know, like you're

1561
00:39:15,519 --> 00:39:16,479
the only one who knows.

1562
00:39:16,479 --> 00:39:18,692
And here's the thing, if a vendor has

1563
00:39:18,934 --> 00:39:20,572
royally messed up and you're paying a lot

1564
00:39:20,572 --> 00:39:22,072
of money for it, like you should care.

1565
00:39:22,266 --> 00:39:23,832
but in the sense that you should try

1566
00:39:23,832 --> 00:39:24,852
and get your money back, not in the

1567
00:39:24,852 --> 00:39:26,412
sense that like anybody else cares.

1568
00:39:27,117 --> 00:39:28,167
No, absolutely.

1569
00:39:28,307 --> 00:39:29,557
I would say it was kind of a blessing.

1570
00:39:29,557 --> 00:39:31,147
Like my husband and I, all our, like

1571
00:39:31,177 --> 00:39:32,557
good friends got married before us.

1572
00:39:32,557 --> 00:39:34,117
We were like one of the last ones.

1573
00:39:34,371 --> 00:39:35,961
And it'll allow us to see over the

1574
00:39:35,961 --> 00:39:37,371
years, like what we liked, what we

1575
00:39:37,371 --> 00:39:39,461
didn't like, and learn from brides too.

1576
00:39:39,547 --> 00:39:41,577
being like, oh, I wasted money on

1577
00:39:41,577 --> 00:39:42,867
this, or I really wish I would've done

1578
00:39:42,867 --> 00:39:45,304
this, or, I caved and did this when I

1579
00:39:45,304 --> 00:39:46,864
really sh you know, whatever that was.

1580
00:39:46,864 --> 00:39:47,164
Yeah.

1581
00:39:47,434 --> 00:39:48,814
And I feel like we chopped off a

1582
00:39:48,814 --> 00:39:50,411
bunch of people too that They wouldn't

1583
00:39:50,411 --> 00:39:51,521
have cared to be there or not.

1584
00:39:51,521 --> 00:39:53,249
And so I feel like we can learn

1585
00:39:53,249 --> 00:39:55,286
a lot from, observing, I guess.

1586
00:39:55,516 --> 00:39:56,922
Um, a hundred percent, yeah.

1587
00:39:57,723 --> 00:39:58,113
Okay.

1588
00:39:58,327 --> 00:39:59,446
I like to just end these

1589
00:39:59,476 --> 00:40:00,826
with, some confessions.

1590
00:40:00,826 --> 00:40:02,390
People send me their crazy

1591
00:40:02,390 --> 00:40:04,400
confessions in Instagram.

1592
00:40:04,663 --> 00:40:06,902
this one says, my fiance wants me

1593
00:40:06,902 --> 00:40:08,552
to remember the good times with the

1594
00:40:08,552 --> 00:40:10,742
in-laws, and I just don't think I can.

1595
00:40:11,005 --> 00:40:12,302
So that sounds like a.

1596
00:40:12,624 --> 00:40:13,973
maybe a bad relationship

1597
00:40:14,181 --> 00:40:15,076
maybe with the in-laws.

1598
00:40:15,076 --> 00:40:15,316
Yeah.

1599
00:40:15,316 --> 00:40:17,095
I mean, I think like you can't ask

1600
00:40:17,095 --> 00:40:18,475
somebody to do something that they

1601
00:40:18,475 --> 00:40:19,675
don't have the capacity to do.

1602
00:40:19,675 --> 00:40:20,065
So

1603
00:40:20,185 --> 00:40:20,305
it

1604
00:40:20,305 --> 00:40:20,845
is what it's, yeah.

1605
00:40:21,168 --> 00:40:23,031
That sounds like to me, without assuming

1606
00:40:23,031 --> 00:40:24,978
too much, it just sounds the son's

1607
00:40:24,978 --> 00:40:26,602
probably put in the middle of the in-laws.

1608
00:40:26,602 --> 00:40:26,692
Mm-hmm.

1609
00:40:26,962 --> 00:40:28,958
His wife not getting along and he

1610
00:40:28,958 --> 00:40:30,908
doesn't want to like, cause a barrier

1611
00:40:30,908 --> 00:40:32,602
or say no, and so he is just just

1612
00:40:32,602 --> 00:40:34,263
think of the good times, That's hard.

1613
00:40:34,503 --> 00:40:36,025
my sisters were so much drama

1614
00:40:36,025 --> 00:40:37,705
at my wedding then got mad when

1615
00:40:37,705 --> 00:40:39,715
I didn't want to be at theirs.

1616
00:40:40,015 --> 00:40:41,537
Oh, that's hard.

1617
00:40:42,194 --> 00:40:42,606
yeah.

1618
00:40:42,666 --> 00:40:43,056
That's tough.

1619
00:40:43,420 --> 00:40:45,501
last one says I have to invite

1620
00:40:45,501 --> 00:40:47,541
someone I hate because she's the

1621
00:40:47,541 --> 00:40:50,648
wife my fiance's best friend.

1622
00:40:50,857 --> 00:40:52,299
Yeah, I think you do have to invite

1623
00:40:52,299 --> 00:40:54,256
her kind of, Ooh, I don't know.

1624
00:40:54,256 --> 00:40:54,946
It's tricky.

1625
00:40:54,946 --> 00:40:57,246
I would say if something has actually

1626
00:40:57,246 --> 00:40:58,866
transpired between the two of you and

1627
00:40:58,866 --> 00:41:01,229
she is a person who's caused you harm.

1628
00:41:01,454 --> 00:41:02,921
You don't need to, and like your

1629
00:41:02,921 --> 00:41:04,091
partner should be the one to have that

1630
00:41:04,091 --> 00:41:05,561
conversation with his best friend.

1631
00:41:05,561 --> 00:41:05,621
Yeah.

1632
00:41:05,857 --> 00:41:07,769
If you just don't like her, you

1633
00:41:07,769 --> 00:41:09,493
just don't vibe, you don't like her

1634
00:41:09,493 --> 00:41:11,339
energy or who she is as a person,

1635
00:41:11,339 --> 00:41:12,629
I think that's slightly different.

1636
00:41:12,863 --> 00:41:14,483
If somebody's caused you direct harm,

1637
00:41:14,483 --> 00:41:16,693
it been unkind to you, you shouldn't

1638
00:41:16,693 --> 00:41:17,863
have to have them at your wedding.

1639
00:41:17,908 --> 00:41:18,128
If.

1640
00:41:18,544 --> 00:41:20,288
It's just that you just don't like them.

1641
00:41:20,585 --> 00:41:21,485
You're not gonna notice her.

1642
00:41:21,545 --> 00:41:22,952
Again, going back to the, like, if

1643
00:41:22,952 --> 00:41:23,882
you have a hundred people at your

1644
00:41:23,882 --> 00:41:25,502
wedding and you hate one of them for

1645
00:41:25,502 --> 00:41:27,359
no real reason, and I'm not saying you

1646
00:41:27,359 --> 00:41:28,955
do, but if that's what it is and it's

1647
00:41:28,955 --> 00:41:30,455
like, just don't pay attention to her.

1648
00:41:30,645 --> 00:41:31,220
just ignore her.

1649
00:41:31,617 --> 00:41:31,681
you.

1650
00:41:31,681 --> 00:41:32,611
You don't have to interact.

1651
00:41:32,611 --> 00:41:33,421
There's enough people

1652
00:41:33,421 --> 00:41:34,321
there to buffer that.

1653
00:41:34,321 --> 00:41:35,416
It doesn't have to impact your day.

1654
00:41:35,716 --> 00:41:37,444
Yeah, no, that's a really good point.

1655
00:41:37,682 --> 00:41:39,898
And I wanna say, I'll try to say

1656
00:41:39,898 --> 00:41:41,188
it so it's not like too obvious,

1657
00:41:41,188 --> 00:41:42,884
but I have to say something

1658
00:41:42,884 --> 00:41:44,894
similar happened at our wedding.

1659
00:41:44,924 --> 00:41:46,304
I wouldn't say hate, of course, I

1660
00:41:46,304 --> 00:41:48,508
don't hate anybody but someone in our

1661
00:41:48,508 --> 00:41:50,524
wedding that's like really close with

1662
00:41:50,524 --> 00:41:52,798
my husband started dating someone.

1663
00:41:53,092 --> 00:41:54,484
I knew from my childhood

1664
00:41:54,665 --> 00:41:55,697
that was just kinda like a

1665
00:41:55,697 --> 00:41:57,377
bully, not like a nice person.

1666
00:41:57,642 --> 00:41:57,932
Yeah.

1667
00:41:58,007 --> 00:41:58,457
Yeah.

1668
00:41:58,647 --> 00:42:00,160
And when I found, I was like, oh,

1669
00:42:00,160 --> 00:42:01,570
we have to give him a plus one.

1670
00:42:01,570 --> 00:42:02,830
I know he's gonna bring her.

1671
00:42:02,830 --> 00:42:04,270
And it was just kinda uncomfortable,

1672
00:42:04,270 --> 00:42:06,087
awkward, not nice person, but I

1673
00:42:06,087 --> 00:42:07,707
just like put my feelings aside

1674
00:42:07,707 --> 00:42:09,812
with it and it ended up being fine.

1675
00:42:10,000 --> 00:42:10,442
Like, oh good.

1676
00:42:10,442 --> 00:42:11,432
It ended up being fine.

1677
00:42:11,432 --> 00:42:12,302
Totally fine.

1678
00:42:12,516 --> 00:42:13,502
She was awesome.

1679
00:42:13,673 --> 00:42:14,872
And I feel like it was just me

1680
00:42:14,872 --> 00:42:16,222
kind of holding onto some like

1681
00:42:16,222 --> 00:42:18,412
childhood thing of like, okay, I

1682
00:42:18,412 --> 00:42:19,822
don't know how this is gonna go.

1683
00:42:19,822 --> 00:42:20,422
And it was fine.

1684
00:42:20,422 --> 00:42:20,482
Yeah.

1685
00:42:21,122 --> 00:42:21,763
Um, that's good.

1686
00:42:22,023 --> 00:42:24,439
So, I don't know, not saying recommend

1687
00:42:24,439 --> 00:42:25,519
to like all of a sudden let it go.

1688
00:42:25,519 --> 00:42:26,299
'cause we don't know what happened

1689
00:42:26,299 --> 00:42:27,579
with these people, but just Right.

1690
00:42:27,669 --> 00:42:28,089
Totally.

1691
00:42:28,342 --> 00:42:29,747
well thank you so much for coming on.

1692
00:42:29,852 --> 00:42:30,842
I feel like we kind of jumped

1693
00:42:30,842 --> 00:42:32,072
all over the place because I'm

1694
00:42:32,072 --> 00:42:34,482
like, oh, let's talk weddings and,

1695
00:42:34,662 --> 00:42:35,442
Mental load.

1696
00:42:35,442 --> 00:42:36,552
But I feel like there's so many important

1697
00:42:36,552 --> 00:42:38,486
conversations to have and I was just

1698
00:42:38,486 --> 00:42:39,866
telling someone, like I started by

1699
00:42:39,866 --> 00:42:41,430
just sharing wedding stories on here.

1700
00:42:41,460 --> 00:42:42,978
'cause that's what I do in my content.

1701
00:42:42,978 --> 00:42:44,598
But I feel like it's so much more

1702
00:42:44,598 --> 00:42:46,128
complicated than just wedding.

1703
00:42:46,128 --> 00:42:47,238
There's relationships,

1704
00:42:47,238 --> 00:42:48,660
there's new relationships,

1705
00:42:48,660 --> 00:42:50,040
dynamics, that kind of thing.

1706
00:42:50,040 --> 00:42:52,440
And it all ties into so much more.

1707
00:42:52,440 --> 00:42:53,920
So thank you for coming on.

1708
00:42:54,201 --> 00:42:55,003
Thanks for having me.

1709
00:42:55,271 --> 00:42:56,760
Can you again just tell everybody

1710
00:42:56,760 --> 00:42:58,230
where they can follow you, what kind

1711
00:42:58,230 --> 00:42:59,580
of content you share, and anything

1712
00:42:59,640 --> 00:43:01,050
interesting or fun you're working on?

1713
00:43:01,338 --> 00:43:01,823
Yeah, sure.

1714
00:43:01,823 --> 00:43:04,523
I share content on modern marriage and

1715
00:43:04,523 --> 00:43:05,843
motherhood and what that looks like in

1716
00:43:05,843 --> 00:43:07,643
relation to gender equity, and you can

1717
00:43:07,643 --> 00:43:09,463
follow me on pretty much every social

1718
00:43:09,463 --> 00:43:11,743
media platform at, she's a page turner.

1719
00:43:11,743 --> 00:43:12,613
I also have a website.

1720
00:43:12,613 --> 00:43:13,798
She's a page turner.com, a

1721
00:43:13,803 --> 00:43:15,703
substack, all the things, and so.

1722
00:43:15,884 --> 00:43:17,004
if you Google it, you'll find me.

1723
00:43:18,054 --> 00:43:18,384
Awesome.

1724
00:43:18,384 --> 00:43:19,284
Well, thank you so much.

1725
00:43:19,284 --> 00:43:20,574
It was awesome chatting with you.

1726
00:43:20,784 --> 00:43:21,174
Thank you.

1727
00:43:21,174 --> 00:43:21,204
I.