When A Comedian Calls You Out_mixdown
===

Speaker: [00:00:00] Hello everyone and welcome to the Mr Pick me in the Man Hatter Show. I am your host, the Man Hater, even though I don't hate men.

Speaker 2: There's fireworks going on right now. It's cool. It's, sorry, it's something going on. Oh no. Now it's a lightning storm visual pranks for our audio. Just Go Audio podcast again.

Loves

Speaker: visual rings for our audio podcast. Hey, here, let,

Speaker 2: let me get outta the storm real quick and say, oh God, paparazzi. Oh no, guys, please. Oh God. Okay, I'm going back inside. I'm going back inside. Oh,

Speaker: okay. So Checo can now control the lights in his office by his phone, and he's doing a full on light show for us today.

Oh Jesus. Just stop it

Speaker 2: there. We're back to normal. Oh no. This light bulb's faulty over here. My name is Checo. When I'm here to say,

Speaker: how do I turn him back on? Jessica, turn the lights on.

Speaker 2: Okay, there we go. Welcome to our radio [00:01:00] podcast Hour. Today we are sponsored by lights. Who are you? The Mr. Picks, but I've already been pick themed and we are here on our show for you, which today will be done in musical form.

Hit it. Reagan. No,

Speaker: no, no, no, no.

Speaker 2: Our Hamilton inspired podcast.

Speaker: No, you go, go. You don't. You go ahead. Don't you cue me in. Don't you set me up to do a Hamilton rap.

Speaker 2: My name is Checo. Mr. Pick me. They call me Chester Ko. Mr. Pick me. There's a million radio shows you haven't heard. Just you wait. Just you wait. Just wait everybody. Eventually we'll get to the show. Reagan stops dicking around on [00:02:00] this show.

Speaker 3: They had to wait through your entire light show where they don't know what's going on. Oh. Audio light show.

Speaker 2: They felt it, I'm sure. I'm sure our podcast listeners were like, that felt hilarious. The silence as you judged me. I think that's gonna make for Great radio,

Speaker: which we are not on. So

Speaker 2: even yet

Speaker: we, we upgrade to radio and then we go to the Telegraph.

Okay. I think

Speaker 2: I could, uh, I don't know how hard is that? How hard is it to get a radio show?

Speaker: Do you have the equipment? Do you have, I dunno. Can

Speaker 2: we do, can we do like a satellite radio? Can that work? We don't need to be, do we need to be on am fm or can we be on uh, Sirius? I feel like all all radio is is podcast just longer.

With music sometimes. Right. That's all it is. There, there, the radio shows were like podcasts before podcasts.

Speaker: I [00:03:00] missed the good old days when there was stories on the radio. That was before I was born.

Speaker 2: I was like, were you alive during that far for radio theater? You mean audio books that you can still listen to?

Speaker: I Movie Fire? No, it was so when they used to do like the folly, you know, so they'd be like, someone's, uh, and there was someone at the door. Mm-hmm. Although you were like steps and stuff. Oh God. The, the Wait. Did you,

Speaker 2: uh, did you ever listen to like the morning radio shows growing up? Were you old enough that you had those?

Uh,

Speaker: Delilah, I, there was a time where we liked Delilah. Do you know who that is? Is

Speaker 2: that, is that No. Is that your, you dunno, Delilah? No. Where she,

Speaker: no, she, um, she would like answer letters and give advice. Oh, Checo,

Speaker 2: we had, we had in the Bay area, the big one was the dog house. It was the, uh, and they would, uh, they would do all sorts of weird shit.

It was on, uh, wild, uh, what girl or real young was Wild 1 0 7, that it was wild. 94 9 [00:04:00] doghouse in the morning. And they would go and do weird, like one time they shut down the b the Golden Gate Bridge to give some guy a haircut. It was really illegal shit they were doing. Um, and then, then when I went to Arizona, I listened to John Jay and Rich mm-hmm.

For a while. And they were pretty big. I think they're nationally syndicated. I don't remember, but the doghouse, doghouse was my first one that was, that was the big one for us. Back when the actual, do they still have like morning radio? I think they still have morning radio shows. Right. Well,

Speaker: I remember when I realized that like, okay, sorry, spoiler, sorry for everyone.

Speaker 4: Oh no. Like

Speaker: 90% of the phone calls are fake because like I started getting asked to audition to do radio calls, which I did not. Oh, no. But I knew people who called in as these callers and like, there's so many shows, it's like mm-hmm. Where they'll, they'll, it'll be like missed opportunity or, or someone will call in about their date and then the person will call back.

It's always fake. Yep. Like it's never real. And once I realized [00:05:00] that, it definitely made those shows not as fun.

Speaker 2: The one that, it killed me when I found out that like TV court shows were fake, that. Destroyed me because I, it was, when I saw Judge Judy

Speaker: has no power. Really? Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2: Mm-hmm. When I, but like when I saw the only, it didn't, it was way later on.

Am my light still changing or am I just crazy?

Speaker: You're just crazy. I'm just crazy. Crazy dog house in the morning.

Speaker 2: John, Jay and Rich on the radio. Yikes. With Kyle. Um, somebody listening is gonna know what I'm talking about. Uh, the, uh, what was I just talking about?

Speaker: Um, you said finding out that court cases were Oh, yeah.

Of court shows. I, it was

Speaker 2: like very, it was way later than I should have. Like, I should have known for a long time ago that it was not, but it was fairly recently. Uh, a clip came up from one and it, I knew one of the people because of social media. I was like. And I knew the [00:06:00] stuff they were saying was mm-hmm.

They, and they were, they were very specifically playing a character. I don't want to, I don't wanna give too much away, uh, for, but I was like,

Speaker 4: oh,

Speaker 2: is this, and I messaged and I was like, were you on, uh, I think it was Judge Judy. Mm-hmm. I think it was Judge Judy. Were you on Judge Judy? And they were like, oh yeah.

That was one of my first acting games, because I was like, acting gigs. Wait. And they were like, yeah. Did you not know? That's like they're all. They're always

Speaker 3: actors. Never,

Speaker 2: I don't know all of them at least, but the, at least the, I know multiple people now that have told me that they were on, uh, at least one form of those daytime.

I'm sure they probably do have some real ones,

Speaker 3: but now that are in

Speaker 2: there to, or at least maybe early on, they did, but then you run out of. Interesting stories. Probably pretty quickly at least, but, well,

Speaker: that's like Jerry Springer, like definitely had actors. Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah. Speaking of actors, today we're gonna talk about a standup comedian calling someone out on stage and they didn't like it.[00:07:00]

Theme song.

Speaker 5: You want bad advice, man? I'll give it out. Glad I got some good advice for you. No you don't. I know you don't. I got some good advice for you. No, you don't. I know you don't.

Speaker 3: I don't think I like his comedy show anymore. I don't, don't think I

Speaker 2: liked this comedy show anymore. And he never, he never, never changed.

Just, it

Speaker: never gets to the, mm-hmm. I think I liked his comedy show. Yeah. No, it's

Speaker 2: just, oh, that was a fucking terrible idea to go on a date at this comedy show.

Speaker: Do you wanna do any leadup or do you want me to just play it? Ah, probably just

Speaker 2: play it.

Speaker 3: Know, just chew Hamilton.

Speaker 2: Okay, well put on the show. Nevermind. What, so, alright, so just setting the stage. It's a [00:08:00] comedian. Why are you No, because, uh, just to make sure, just it's a comedian. He's, there's, there's, uh, a couple in the audience. I forgot. 'cause this is an audio podcast. Mm-hmm. There's a couple in the audience, uh, is there, and the comedian is talking like, is he is he is like inter doing audience interaction

Speaker 4: banter stuff.

And he goes,

Speaker 2: banter stuff with it. And he, yeah. And he goes and talks to, uh, this, this, uh, men and women there are there on a date.

Speaker 3: All right. Let's see how this goes for this guy.

Speaker 6: How

Speaker 2: old are you?

Speaker 3: 28. You

Speaker 6: gonna meet someone better than that?

Speaker 3: No. I say

Speaker 6: so. Why not marry her? You love him. You gonna marry, you? Say yes.

Ask her right now.

I'll pay for the whole front row. Even these fool right here, I'll pay for the whole front row. It's his fault if you guys pay, I'll [00:09:00] put $2,000 towards ring.

Ma'am, how does this make you feel That he's just not right off the bat asking you. He's fake, right?

Speaker 3: Yes.

Speaker 6: You're gonna change your mind or not? No. Huh? Like no matter, look at that. The proof is in the pudding, man. And you're gonna stay on your pen. Walk out. Go ahead. We'll respect you. Hey, go backstage. Go backstage.

Hey, I'll take care of you. Hey, hey. Make sure she gets backstage and get the baby oil.

I appreciate your girl Baba. You gotta appreciate her man.

Speaker 4: Yeah.

Speaker 6: Oh, she's appreciating all of us right now.[00:10:00]

Appreciate you girl. Man. Chill out, bro. Chill. Oh, hey. Chill out.

Speaker 4: Hey,

Speaker 6: what the fuck was, it was a

Speaker: thing, didn't I? Try to calm dance. Okay. The last part. Mm-hmm. Which you can't see because this is an audio podcast. Right? So she's backstage, literally he takes her backstage and keeps her there. And then he says something about baby oil, which is very scary. Which is, yeah, it's a joke.

It's clearly a joke. Yeah. Um, at a comedy thing, and then the guy goes backstage to find her. Then they both kind of leave, and the very last second is. The guy who was dating the woman screaming at the comedian [00:11:00] because he was outed for not ever going to be ready to commit.

Speaker 2: Right.

Speaker: That was amazing. Mm-hmm.

That was so great. He's like, do it, uh, like when he starts throwing bills down, basically. Yep. $2,000 if you do it right now. I came, if I was Okay, hold on. Collect my thoughts. I'm like, I'm, there's so much to say. I

Speaker 4: know,

Speaker: but like, I'm thinking about if, first of all, she's way out of his league. Mm-hmm. Just from, if we're going from looking at both of them, like she's looks like a, like a queen.

Mm-hmm. And so they're sitting there and then like, if I was her and the first thing out of his word, or like out of his mouth about why he wasn't marrying me is because it's hard.

Speaker 2: Mm-hmm. What does

Speaker: that mean? Mm-hmm. What does that mean? CHASCo?

Speaker 2: There's no real. Way to it. It's very clearly he is like, I don't, I I don't, this is not gonna work out.

Like this is not, I don't actually want to marry her.

Speaker: Yes.

Speaker 2: And, uh, it's just that he's trying to [00:12:00] think of one way. 'cause he could, it could be like, he could have recovered, he could have been like, look, I, if I'm gonna do it, I wanna do it. Right.

Speaker 3: Right. I want to

Speaker 2: do it. Like, he could've just said something, but it was very clear that he was unprepared to respond because he, he, he was the, the comedian was Right.

Yeah. Like, there was, there was, it was full on. Like, he was, like, he saw, he read what was going on.

Speaker: He clocked him.

Speaker 2: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I mean,

Speaker: he clocked this guy, you can tell

Speaker 2: mm-hmm.

Speaker: That almost immediately, somehow, I don't know this comedian, I don't know anything about him, but he, yeah, I know he,

Speaker 2: he could be terrible.

We have no idea what the, uh, yeah. Yeah.

Speaker: But he clearly mm-hmm. Knew exactly what situation it was. Mm-hmm. Which like. It's a common situation where mm-hmm. Women will stay with men, and men will kind of lead, leave them on the line as if, oh, maybe someday. Mm-hmm. Maybe someday you'll get that ring when in reality they have no intentions of marrying this woman.

Mm-hmm. And they never are going to. So somehow he clocks it and [00:13:00] he is like, okay, no bet. Let me mm-hmm. Let me keep pushing this. Show me how much you're, let's show this woman how much you are not gonna marry her.

Speaker 2: He's like, would would you like, like he goes to her. Right. So it's not just like the two.

'cause it could have been, it could have been weird if it was just two guys discussing her, like she was completely like Sure.

Speaker 3: In

Speaker 2: Consa. But he does go to her, he was like, would you want a marry? Like, would you be interested in like, would this be something you, and she goes, she says, yeah. Like, I, I want to be with him.

And then he's like, he's like, all right, there we go. We got consent to her wanting to marry you right now. Mm-hmm. Like, he actually did at least that step of including her in that conversation. Then he goes right back to the guy. He is like, so now we're on you.

Speaker: Yeah. I'll buy a ring. I'll pay for, I'll pay for the, uh, the seats of the people next to you.

I, I feel like he just knew that, where that was going, he knew that this guy was not gonna say yes.

Speaker 4: Mm-hmm.

Speaker: And as much as I like, don't love the baby little joke, you know, like I, you know that he's definitely being a little shady with that. [00:14:00] That's little weird. Mm-hmm. Uh, but I, I think that is the joke of it all, but mm-hmm.

The second she's off stage, he just keeps repeating, you need to appreciate your girl. Mm-hmm. You need to appreciate your girl.

Speaker 4: Mm-hmm.

Speaker: And there's this clear understanding between the two guys, and I think it is. So often that it's the men understanding what the men are doing, like mm-hmm. There's so many times that men will be being shady and like the other men are completely aware of the game that's going on.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Like, I've gotten great advice from men because they have a great, uh, they have a really good awareness about what men are doing. Like they mm-hmm. They can, they understand the situation better than I did, you know? Uh, and so it's like those two men knew exactly what each other's game was.

Mm-hmm. And he was just really putting on the pressure mm-hmm. For him to admit, because it's like, appreciate your girl. Like, that's what it is. Like you don't get to have this beautiful woman with you for whatever amount of time when you know she wants to get [00:15:00] married. Mm-hmm. And you're leading her on to believe that she is going to, like, that's

Speaker 2: stop ting your time.

Mm-hmm.

Speaker: Yeah. You're wasting her time. To me, it is such like. A horrific thing that happens all the time, which is, and we talked about this last episode, which is like, uh, lying by omission or omitting things. Mm-hmm. Because, you know, it means you're gonna break up, you don't have the right to string somebody along.

Mm-hmm. When you know that what they're hoping for, they're never going to get

Speaker 4: mm-hmm.

Speaker: When, you know you're dangling a carrot that they're never gonna get a bite of. You know what I mean? Mm-hmm. Like, he knows that. And there's so many times that, I mean, any gender can do this, someone will do that to somebody else in a relationship.

Mm-hmm. And feel justified. It's like, yeah. But if you told her the truth, that person would leave you. If you told him the truth, he would leave you them. The truth. You know,

Speaker 2: and that's the key. We, I wanna stop on that for a second too. 'cause it's the, you don't need to get married, right? Sure. Marriage does not have to be a goal for everybody.

We, we both understand that. We both are, we're not saying it has to be that way, but this specific [00:16:00] situation that we're talking about is when someone clearly wants to, to have that be the end goal. Then the other partner is making it appear like, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, that's totally, we'll, eventually we'll get there.

I just need to say like, it's like, you know, I just wanna make sure I save up enough for the ring or Yes. Any number of excuses. And then when that barrier is removed that they've been using as their, as their, their reason not to do it and they still don't do it, that's the problem. That's where you see where it's, oh, the, and, and it's the, I fucking love this video 'cause it's, I love seeing men call other men.

Yes. Right. Like you brought up that point. And it's because it doesn't happen nearly enough. Like I, I've talked about on, um, the, in the political sphere that, you know, I make a lot of political content. Um, some, somebody asked me before, they're like, why don't you see. You know, more, why aren't there more speech pros?

Right. And there I was like, there are people, you know, there are like Professor Neil, there's sizer. Mm-hmm. There's, there's, there's, you know, there a, a, a fair amount of [00:17:00] guys that are starting to finally do it. But there's so many giant political creators that I know, agree with me that I'm mutuals with, but don't really spend even 1% of their time calling out this bullshit that is going on out there that is benefiting them.

A lot of 'em are single guys. Right. And, and it's, it's a problem. I'm like, I'm like you. They, you can't just leave it. And they, and the reason it upsets me is they can see that if you, if you ask them as a white person, do you think you should be speaking out against racism? They'd say, yeah, of course.

Shouldn't just be up to people of color and black people and, and anybody else to, to speak out against that. Mm-hmm. Then they'd, oh, okay, cool, cool. And if you bring up like homophobia, they'd be like, well, you're a straight guy. Do you think you should be s They of course shouldn't just be to, but for some reason when it comes to like misogyny and the patriarchy.

Crickets. Right? It, or it'll be like very rarely when it's like a subtle thing about it that's intertwined with politics, but it's, [00:18:00] they don't ev even though it's so intertwined, right? The amount of guys that are making red pill content that will then move on and also have a video about like white genocide or some other weird god, crazy inane like conspiracy or, or like, like racist trope or or conservative thing.

They're right there. It's a pipeline for young men to join these really kind of alt-right, not just conservatism, but like really these weird fringe alt-right conspiracy Q anon type type things that are there yet they're not being called out because. It benefits, it, it benefits men not to call other men.

It's hard too. 'cause then you lose the guys, you lose the boys. That's right. You lose your boy followers.

Speaker: I think, uh, from my perspective, it always feels like they don't wanna lose their card to the boys club.

Speaker 4: Mm-hmm.

Speaker: They know, well, if I call this out, then the boys are not gonna like it. And I, and I mean like, literally like the men in their following mm-hmm.

Are gonna have a problem with it. Like, I, [00:19:00] when I have spoken on Palestine, like I had somebody like review bomb me over it. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I, when I have spoken, um, I, I had a video, uh, with Ja Jamila Bradley, who, if you don't who they are, they're amazing, check them out. Um, but we were talking about how white women often are the nice guys

Speaker 4: mm-hmm.

Speaker: Of women. Mm-hmm. I think white women whisper coined that. Also, she's great anyways, but I got a fellow white woman just came at me. Mm-hmm. And that is what happens. Mm-hmm. When you go after the group that you're a part of, you're gonna get a lot of heat. And I think it's necessary, but a lot of people don't wanna deal with it.

Speaker 4: Mm-hmm.

Speaker: And so they wanna just be like, yeah. In private, in the right conversation, usually to people who agree with me, I'm totally on your side.

Speaker 4: Mm-hmm.

Speaker: But it's like, those aren't the people that need to have convers. You need to have conversations with the people who agree with you. [00:20:00] You already agree.

Right. You, the conversations need to happen with people who are not acting right. Mm-hmm. And you, it's like a, it's like a ICU. I see that you're not acting right and I'm going to out you for not acting right. And we can all have a very public dialogue about what you're doing right now. Mm-hmm. 'cause it's kind of messed up now in this case.

Probably was an unexpected call out. Right. For the guy in the audience. Right. But once he had 'em, he had them. Mm-hmm. And he was right and like clearly something, I would say it meant something to the comedian 'cause he would not let it go. Mm-hmm. Where he was just like, dude, you, you need to appreciate your girl.

Like, I kept thinking it would lead into a joke.

Speaker 2: Uhhuh. No, no. But he was just, he was just like,

Speaker: appreciate her man. Like, appreciate your girl. Like over and over. And that's what we need to see more of is, is this call out when you see it, like see something, say something.

Speaker 2: Mm-hmm. And the thing is, he, he is, if the guy had listened to him

Speaker 4: mm-hmm.

Speaker 2: His life would be better theoretical. Right. Assuming we don't know her, she might be a horrific [00:21:00] person who ticks puppies. I, I don't know anything about her. Right. But the, assuming he's with her for a reason. Right. And he enjoys being with her and she makes his life better and, and, and that he. It's true that he does eventually want to be married and, and, and be with this person.

Um, and, and that's like when, uh, I just made a video, Jess yesterday about this, the whole thing, like when guys accuse me of being like anti-men, I'm like, everything I say in my channel is fucking pro is is with the belief that men are, are inherently not evil. Right? Right. That we are not hardwired to be shitty.

Right. That, that is, that is not Miss Andry in any sort of form. I don't we can go into the whole thing. I don't fucking believe Miss Andrew, but, uh, but in general, but as from a, from a structural perspective, there's no, no thing as that. But if you wanna talk about it just from a pure, like who hates men?

It's these fucking red pill coaches. It's these other, other men who think men are terrible, who are incapable of empathy, who are incapable of [00:22:00] compassion, who are incapable of treating people in, in that, you know, in, in the way that they deserve to be treated. That's, that's like way closer to any form of structural misandry that you're gonna find are men holding down other men to not share their feelings, to not share their emotions, to engage in violent, destructive acts.

There was a video recently, uh, I, I don't know if you saw this one, um, where this guy was asking his buddies, Hey, do you remember when I went through that really hard breakup?

Speaker 3: Yes.

Speaker 2: And they didn't even, they were like, ah, I think I kind of, they didn't know her name. They didn't know. And he was like, really?

He was, he was saying, oh yeah, I was really struggling emotionally. Yeah. At that point. And they were like, oh. Yeah, we didn't know if, and that's, that's the, the destructive nature of when we talk, when I talk about at least like toxic masculinity. Yes. It harms women. Absolutely. And, and, and I think the violence against women [00:23:00] is the thing that needs to be called out because that is immediate.

That's direct. It's, it's something that's in your face and it's something that we need to solve right off the bat. The underlying things toxicity that though, is the fact that it is men hurting other men into doing these sort of the violence. They, they always bring up, you know, men Oh, well men are victims of violence too.

Yeah. From other fucking men. Right. It's, it's guys causing the violence, uh, against you. It's guys and it's the, the, they don't bring up suicide rates. Yeah. Why is it that it's 'cause men are told they're, uh, they're weak for, for seeking out therapy, for seeking out help, for taking medication, for letting their emotions out to somebody.

Right. These are all oppressive things being done to men. Mm-hmm. In the name of misogyny and the patriarchy. Yet I am the one. That apparently is the evil one for wanting to undo that system and to speak out against that system. Sorry, that was a soapbox moment right there.

Speaker: No, I mean, you're right. Like you speaking to it [00:24:00] is more of a problem than it existing.

It's one of those things where people are like, well, don't talk about it. Right? Yeah. We all know about it. You are like, okay, well let's do something. I think something very telling in that exchange is like

Speaker 4: mm-hmm.

Speaker: How toxic whatever is going on with this guy is because just like looking at it. In that moment, he could have said like, okay, yeah.

I mean, he could have gotten engaged and gotten like mm-hmm. A whatever ring. Mm-hmm. Like, and it could have not been like, and then later changed his mind mm-hmm. Or then had a long engagement, you know what I mean? Like mm-hmm. There's lots of ways that could have gone, he could have

Speaker 2: remained toxic for years.

Speaker: Yes. No, but, but really No, but you're

Speaker 2: right. You're right though. Yeah.

Speaker: But he was so anti being challenged by another man that he wouldn't give an explanation and he would not budge. And on the one hand I'm like, well, I'm glad you're being honest that you're never gonna marry her. Although I bet [00:25:00] this is the first time you're being honest about it.

Mm-hmm. But how toxic, how like toxically masculine are you, that you're doing this to this woman, but also that because this comedian is pressing you, you are going to absolutely be like, no, no way. They're gonna embarrass your girlfriend. You're gonna like, that's why I think it, it was smart of the comedian to keep giving incentives to do it.

Yeah. Because it's like, look how much he's doubling down. Mm-hmm. Look how much he's refusing to give you anything. He would rather not get $2,000 for ring and not be the good guy who's paid for everybody's seats in the front row.

Speaker 4: Mm-hmm.

Speaker: Then be with you, then marry you. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Think about the weight of that.

And I think it's so telling about this man that like he would rather hold his ground to be like more dominant or whatever he thought he was doing then. Like he could have easily said like, Hey, sorry, I was put under pressure, whatever. He's just like, no.

Speaker 4: Mm-hmm. No,

Speaker: it's hard.

Speaker 4: [00:26:00] Mm-hmm.

Speaker: And like, who knows?

There could be other factors as to why he can't. God, I hope he is not married. You know what I mean? Mm-hmm. Like, I hope he doesn't have other things going on.

Speaker 2: The key thing too is that when I, when I talk about, like, calling other guys along this line, the, this, the, the, it's the real life ones that matter way more than any video I've ever made.

Right? Or Sure. And it's, when I say, like other creators, you know, do it, I want to see proof though that they are actually doing the real world work, right? Mm-hmm. I, I wanna know, and I don't know that, you know, it's some just 'cause someone doesn't talk about it online does not mean they aren't like Absolutely doing the actual work.

Sure. Work that matters that's out there. Um, one of, one of the things somebody messaged me, uh, what, which made me. Reinvigorate. I for, you know, this is a couple years ago, um, where I was kind of burning. I'm like, what am I doing? You know, am I really, why am I spending so much time making this kind of content?

And, uh, they messaged me and they said that, uh, the way that I [00:27:00] responded to someone gave them, in a matter of words, I don't remember the exact, but the verbiage that the words for, to call out somebody in their own life.

Speaker 4: Yeah, right.

Speaker 2: So that they could explain why what they were doing was harmful. And, and so it was like, so sometimes I think the role of, of like social media and things like this can be in that regard.

It's like, oh, we not, we, we're not the ones making the social change. Right? But it can be awareness to help people to make that change in their own life. How do I respond to this? Because a lot of people don't know. It's like, why is that toxic? Why is that bad? I don't even understand why is this, is this, is this a bad thing?

Then you need to understand the psychology and everything that goes into it.

Speaker: I think it is helpful because those situations in real life, like if you're not, you know, a comedian on a stage where you have the microphone and you have the power, you know, in that situation when it's like an interpersonal one-on-one conversation, it is very awkward.

Mm-hmm. It can be very scary. I

Speaker 4: mm-hmm.

Speaker: I've gotten much better [00:28:00] over the years, but I used to get really fired up. Like I would get overly emotional. Because these things matter to me. But I think when you have people on social media who talk about these issues, they can give you that verbiage or like mm-hmm.

A more succinct explanation about things that you could say to someone in the heat of the moment. 'cause in the heat of the moment, it's very hard to get your wits about you. Right. I think especially if it's something, um, that's very upsetting to you, but having like, you know, these videos and these creators to go to and say, okay, they broke it down this way, that felt effective.

I can use that here. I think that's a really good thing, because it is more important in those moments, like mm-hmm. Those, those, those little moments between people, that's where people change. Like if dudes got constantly called out by other men mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Publicly for the shit that they were doing and why that looks bad mm-hmm.

Or why that's misogynist, or why that [00:29:00] makes them not a good man, quote unquote.

Speaker 4: Mm-hmm.

Speaker: Their behaviors would change so much quicker because mm-hmm. When I have called men out in public, they, like, you can tell that they're horrified to be publicly mm-hmm. Called out. Like there's something about the, like, because so much of uh, seemingly, so much of masculinity is performative mm-hmm.

That like in the real world, being called out for that and what that means for them and how that reflects on them as a man. I think is, is very, is very telling. And so it's like those, those are the moments that really, really count. And those are the moments that will create change for them because mm-hmm.

It's discomfort that causes change. If, if men are comfy in their misogyny, they're not gonna ever change.

Speaker 2: Mm-hmm. And I goes, spread it, it goes across all issues. You see the, um, that leak to, uh, re young Republican chat, they came on. Yeah. Well, they're calling 'em kids and their Yeah, they're in their [00:30:00] thirties.

Uh, you know. Yeah. I think, I think there was even a 40-year-old in there too. Like, Ew. It's the, it's the dumbest thing. But this is, that's what happens when you have this environment of unchecked, uh, aggression where someone says something, someone tests the waters.

Speaker 4: And

Speaker 2: when nobody speaks that against it, somebody else does something.

And now the culture of that and that, and, and whether it's a chat room or a, you know, a locker room or whatever you wanna call it mm-hmm. A, a, a sports team, whatever it is, once that culture becomes that, that's acceptable, then you, you need to step in before it gets to that point. Right. Because once it gets to that point, then, then you are the quote unquote weird one that's gonna be ostracized out of that room for having basic decency.

Speaker 4: Right,

Speaker 2: right. I, uh, I wrote my, uh, part of my master's thesis was on I image on World of Warcraft. Uh, and, and one of the, the chapters was on exactly this. I got, I got to go into, um, I got access. 'cause I had friends that were like really high-end, uh, [00:31:00] Raiders in, in the game. And every single time I got access, it was.

Racist, sexist, homophobic. And there were people that were, that were, they were diverse groups of people. It wasn't just a bunch of little white boys, like in, in this group saying this stuff. But the culture in there was just to the point. And I remember my friend, uh, who is a, uh, uh, bisexual, uh, Asian woman, was I, I said to her, I was like, W why, why are you, she was like, oh, well that's not really them.

That's not actually, that's just, that's just how they talk in the game. Right? That's just the, and, and it was so they, they're able, they, when, when, like I said, once you're so saturated in it, I think you get to the point where you don't. And also when it, when state, like even the young Republican Chad's a great example.

There's certain, uh, things where you're like, well, I can't say anything 'cause I need this connection. In, in World of Warcraft, it was, I can't say anything 'cause this is the top guild. If I say something, then I'm [00:32:00] not gonna be in the top guild anymore, so I can't be the one to say, and then other, and then they end up engaging in it and taking part in it.

And people that would never say these horrific things, right? Because they know in, in quote unquote, real life that they're, that's not okay to say are now engaging in it as part of the culture that's been established. 'cause no one's fucking saying anything, right? If you're doing it right, people should be uncomfortable, being sexist, being racist, being transphobic, being whatever ism you wanna throw in there.

They should feel. We, they, if they say something, their immediate reaction when they notice you're there, is that it should be like, oh fuck,

Speaker: I fucked

Speaker 2: that. Well,

Speaker: I, I've talked about this before. Oh, one thing I do wanna say, sorry. Mm-hmm. One thing I do wanna say about that is like, there is also this culture of like, I think some people are just outwardly hateful people, period, for whatever reason.

Um, but I also think there are [00:33:00] people who are miserable mm-hmm. And who are ostracized in their own communities for whatever reasons. Like I would say the young Republicans who are in their thirties to forties. Let us be clear about that. If you look at them, I would guess based on like our society's judgments on like what beauty is and like what masculinity is that they weren't.

The top tier men, you know, they were probably, I would, I would guess they were bullied. I would guess. There are men that make them feel inferior. Mm-hmm. That would be my assumption based on what I know about our society. And so it's like, well, I can't be the top tier in my group, but I can always be better than somebody else.

And I feel like, mm-hmm. That's so often when we see this, this hate and this prejudice, it's like, well, well, I gotta hate on somebody. I gotta be better than somebody because even if I'm the lowest in my group, I'm still above these people that I think I'm better than. Mm-hmm. Or who [00:34:00] I'm bringing down, or who I'm judging.

And so like, you see people doing this. Mm-hmm. And so I think a lot of that culture is that in inferiority, this like, well, mm-hmm I gotta hate on these other people. Uh, and that's really scary to me. And even in World of Warcraft, it's like, well, I could be cool by being horrible to somebody else. Mm-hmm.

It's like I'm willing to sacrifice my morality mm-hmm. And I'm willing to harm others if it means I get a leg up. Mm-hmm. And that's horrifying. But often the case. And as for like the discomfort, like I, I think I've talked about this. I have this, the acting thing I did. I, was that the pre-show we here? I don't remember.

Yeah. I think it might have been a pre-show, but I have a gig where like I deal with a lot of different, like actors and like there's, there's a lot of guys that work there that are part of this team and this group. And like there are some people who have opposite beliefs as me and will say shitty things.

And like, I started being so. [00:35:00] Intense with them about when I would catch them saying something offensive, inappropriate. Mm-hmm. Usually, you know, you get into like, someone being sexual, whatever. And I would call them out every single time and it was very tiring. But we got to a point that they didn't say that shit around me.

Mm-hmm. Like mm-hmm. I, I've have had, there's this one guy that I work with that, like, something came up that could vaguely be perceived as a sexual phrase. Like, you know, you could, that's what she said kind of thing. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. He at me and goes, I not saying anything around you. Mm-hmm. And I was like, thank you.

That's the goal. I don't want, I don't want you to. That's great for me. Mm-hmm. And I remember I let up, I specific at a, at a specific like gig, I was like, I'm not gonna monitor everybody. Like, I'm not their mother, I don't wanna do that. Mm-hmm. And I let up, and like the jokes started getting a little bit worse.

Mm-hmm. And then amongst people who were not. Who normally did not say like terrible things. Mm-hmm. And then somebody took it too far and I [00:36:00] remember I like slammed my hand on the table and I was like, don't say that 'cause someone sexualized somebody else. And it's like, it is exhausting to have to hold that line.

And like people did get talked to after that by like higher ups. But it's the idea of like, if you hold the line enough, people will not start shit around you if you make it uncomfortable enough for them. Mm-hmm. And be willing to make them uncomfortable. That's where the change happens. Right. I promise you.

Like, I think people think that they have to like, make, make it like, okay, like I wanna talk to you, but I don't wanna lose like, friendship with you. Or like, you know, I, I wanna be cordial about it. No. Mm-hmm. If someone is saying something that is racist, homophobic, se, whatever.

Speaker 4: Mm-hmm.

Speaker: You don't have to be nice about calling out that, that that is not appropriate and that you will not stand for that in your, in your presence.

Mm-hmm. And that you will call them out because these rarely do, people who are like that want to feel like they're bad people.

Speaker 4: Mm-hmm. They'll

Speaker: [00:37:00] wanna talk tough, but they don't wanna think go home at night and get in their bed and think, wow, I kind of was an asshole today. Mm-hmm. So as much as they act like they don't care, a lot of times if you call them out in public mm-hmm.

They will then be like, oh shit, I don't wanna look like the bad guy.

Speaker 2: Right.

Speaker: And that, that's what works. Uh, sadly.

Speaker 2: And it, it, yeah. Because it does bleed out into their, their, uh, even when you're not there too. Because if they're, it's in the back then at least thinking about it and they're aware of it. Uh, and it doesn't mean you have to be like, like sometimes I know friends that are like.

Almost too wet, blankety, you know what I mean? Yeah, sure. Where it's like, or you can't even, like, enjoy life at all. Like is there certain things? Um, and I, they probably say the same sort guarantee. There are people that say the same thing about me. Sure. Um, because of that. But, uh, but it, it's, it's a matter of just like making sure, because you don't always have to go, like, you know, if, if you step in, I guess, before it gets to the really bad part Right.

Then it's not as awkward for them too. Exactly. It's not as awkward for anybody. Right. I have a family [00:38:00] member, uh, that we were visiting once where, uh, they said something very racist that I can tell in their social circle was okay to say. Uh, and I, I immediately took them aside. I said, I, I just want you to know, um, if I ever hear you say something like that again, we, the, the kids will never be over here again.

I will never be here again, and the kids will never be here, uh, either. And I just want you. And they're like, whoa. Well, I didn't, I was like, no, no, I don't, I don't want to hear your explanation. I don't want to hear, I I there's no discussion on this. I'm letting you know right now. That is, that is the line that you just crossed.

And if I hear it again, we, we will be going. Uh, and, and they were like, you could tell they were just, they were mad at me, but they didn't say shit. And, and they have never, and we, you know, we don't see this, we don't see this family very often. Yeah. But whenever we see them, they don't say they, they are, they don't say that.

And so,

Speaker: and I think that's, I, I think a lot of people have the fear of like the wet [00:39:00] blanket thing. Mm-hmm. But like, I'm a very fun, I mean, not to

Speaker 4: Right.

Speaker: Shoot my own horn here, but mm-hmm. Like, I'm a fun person. I love a joke. Like I'm always riffing with somebody. Mm-hmm. Like, I get along, like even the men who, who say, who like.

If I left unchecked and like mm-hmm. Before I was checking them, like they wanna talk to me cons constantly. Mm-hmm. And so it's like, it's not, what I mean by that is you, you're not a wet blanket if you don't allow someone to sexually harass you. Mm-hmm. Not a wet blanket if you don't let someone be racist.

Mm-hmm. Like, there are some things like, I will hard stop a good time. Mm-hmm. If I, if I hear, if I hear somebody being racist mm-hmm. If I hear somebody being homophobic, like I will, I will kill the vibe. Mm-hmm. But in reality, you killed the vibe, like I am simply reacting to, to, to the murder of the vibe that you have just committed.

Mm-hmm. Because they are the ones who are doing something that. Is bad. Like you are [00:40:00] not bad mm-hmm. For calling people out. Mm-hmm. And people should not be comfortable, um, doing that. Mm-hmm. And there's so many people who can't call that shit out. Like, there's so many situations. Mm-hmm. Like, you know, I, I'm in a very privileged position.

I don't feel unsafe around my coworkers. I'm not gonna lose my job if I call them out.

Speaker 2: That is, that is a key, that's an important thing to bring up. The safety is, is important. Yeah. I

Speaker: am, I'm very safe. I'm in a very secure position. Mm-hmm. And so if you are in that position, like mm-hmm. Be the one to do it because mm-hmm.

A lot of people aren't. Mm-hmm.

Speaker 4: A

Speaker: lot of people can't. Mm-hmm. And that's horrifying. So if you can be like. If you can be the voice in the back of their mind mm-hmm.

Speaker 4: Thinking

Speaker: like, Ooh, I don't wanna say something bad because somebody here could be like Reagan. Mm-hmm. Or someone could be like, checo. Mm-hmm.

That's not a bad thing. Like you can be, I just, I just want people to, you can be a great time and a fun person. Mm-hmm. And you don't lose that because you have standards for what you are willing to allow in your presence.

Speaker 2: Mm-hmm. [00:41:00] And I also think there's also a level you get to with certain people mm-hmm.

That once you know that they're who they are

Speaker 4: mm-hmm.

Speaker 2: Then, then it gets to the point where they can say things that are like, might Sure. If I heard, if I heard a rando saying it, I'd be like, what do you, what do you mean you like Harry Potter clarification. You know, something like that. Like, whereas I'm like, what?

What? What? Expand on that for me. 'cause I don't, there, there are things that I, I don't mean like anything horribly offensive, but like there are certain things where it becomes, the entire vibe of the environment becomes looser because you are comfortable and you know who the person is, uh, you know what they believe.

So that when there's something that could be interpreted either as completely innocent or as really fucked up mm-hmm. You immediately will go to the innocent one. 'cause you know who they are and you know what they believe and, you know, this is not something that they, um, they say. And so I think it is, it's that, that's, that's the whole point.

You wanna get to the point where once everyone there mm-hmm. You know, is not a shitty human being, it is [00:42:00] fun for everybody. And then because also not concerned about the fact that, oh, someone here might not have had the power or felt safe enough to say to your point, Hey, I really didn't like. When you said that, um, so just 'cause you're having fun, does that, does that uh, matter more than the safety of everybody else in that room or the mm-hmm.

The people that, that also deserve to be enjoying it, is that one joke that you had to say

Speaker 4: mm-hmm.

Speaker 2: Worth ruining somebody else's entire experience, which it can. Mm-hmm. People don't realize how something that small can be the only thing that, uh, somebody else takes away from that entire time you put together.

Yeah. And

Speaker: context matters, like mm-hmm. Of course, context matters, like knowing who people are. That's why it's important to know the values of people to know when they're joking. Because the problem is, I've been getting this a lot in my comments lately, which drives me nuts, is people will claim, oh, it's a joke.

Mm-hmm. It's satire. I'm like, [00:43:00] they have shitty beliefs though. Mm-hmm. And that's why they made that joke. Right? Like they have misogynistic beliefs on women. Mm-hmm. Which is why they think that joke is funny. It's not being said as satire as people like to claim. Like they, they genuinely do have some beliefs in there as to why it's humorous to rip on women like that.

Mm-hmm. Why they enjoyed, uh, degrading women or, or whatever, whatever group we're talking about. Mm-hmm. And so, like ignoring context is, is ridiculous. And I think in most situations, like, you know your friends and you know their beliefs, but I also think like when you hear something you can't always assume, well, they're just joking in, in certain, like some settings are worse than others.

Right. Like in, in a work setting, I'm definitely more intense than I would be. Mm-hmm.

Speaker 4: Um,

Speaker: just like hanging out with people. But I always, I will always call shitty stuff out because it gets really old when people like to play things off as a joke when clearly they're getting [00:44:00] satisfaction, even if they're just a shit disturber.

Mm-hmm. And they like seeing people upset, like, that's enough of a problem for me, if that's what you're, what you enjoy.

Speaker 2: Yeah, agreed.

Speaker: I have a, I have a coworker that, like, literally he will, um, he's much older. Mm-hmm. So that's part of it. But, uh, he, if he finds out something that bothers you. He will continuously bring it up.

He's like a, I think he would identify as a libertarian. Mm-hmm. So like, you know, a lot of them like to argue, right? Yeah. Um, not all of them, but I'm just saying a lot of, you know, that's his mindset and so.

Speaker 4: Mm-hmm.

Speaker: Uh, for, there was a while that I would let things go, but eventually I was like, okay, it's, even though you're pulling at everybody for everything all the time, like you're just like getting a rile outta people, like getting rise outta people.

I don't like that trait. Like, I don't like that. You enjoy when people are offended. Mm-hmm. So I don't care. Maybe you don't mean the thing that you say, but you meant to get, you [00:45:00] meant to make me upset or her upset. Mm-hmm. You meant to say something outlandish that made people uncomfortable. Mm-hmm. And you enjoyed that discomfort.

And that to me is, that's enough for me to not like,

Speaker 2: yeah.

Speaker: Jessica's. Yeah.

Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah. I don't know what else to say. You're right. You're right.

Speaker: She's onto something. Here she

Speaker 2: is onto something. Keep saying it.

Speaker: And you, you keep saying that sometimes. Yeah.

Speaker 2: No, because there are people, I, I know we all know that guy that is just like, all right John, we get it.

Yes. You're, you're, uh, you know, a um,

Speaker 4: devil say after kid, you're not like the rest of

Speaker 2: us. Yeah. You just like playing that role. That is a point you made

Speaker: half the time. They don't even believe it. They just, just wanted to start something like get outta care.

Speaker 2: And, and that's my, I I do love once again about calling people out.

Like, it's like, do you, are you, do you actually care? Well, [00:46:00] no, but I'm just saying that, I'm like, shut up then. Shut up. Shut up. John.

Speaker: Have you seen one of my favorites is when you're like.

Speaker 2: Are you

Speaker: okay? Are you feeling okay? Right? Are you, 'cause they're like, yeah, what, like, are you, I feel like you're being, you're very mm-hmm.

I feel like there's an emotion for you. Are you all right? Mm-hmm. Are you feeling okay more because it just like completely combats their, like, energy uhhuh. They're like, wait, what do you mean? What do you mean? I'm like, you seem, are you frustrated?

Speaker 2: I do love, uh, using like, and it's the only time I'm happy with weaponizing, like, safe spaces and stuff or like, but when somebody is being really fucking, like, angry about something that it's, they shouldn't be angry.

I'm like, uh, do you need, would you like a safe space for your, where you don't have to hear. About the poor minorities. Would you like a, a whites only space for you? Is that gonna make you feel better?

Speaker: Well, it's time. Travel to the fifties.

Speaker 2: Yeah, let's do that. Is it, is it, does it, is it hard for you to hear how women get violence [00:47:00] against them?

Is that, I know it's

Speaker: hard to hear. Hmm.

Speaker 2: That's really, you're the victim for having to hear it. Yeah. Don't forget about

Speaker: them suffering it. You have to hear about it.

Speaker 2: Oh, poor. Hey, let's just, you know, let's get you some, let's get you some, uh, some milk, some cookies and we'll, we'll go and we'll talk and, and, and a playboy.

And we'll just Yes. Do old school. We'll get you up, print an old school. We'll just, it'll be great.

Speaker: A little model your old playhouse from when you were a boy. Yeah. The good old days. And you can just sit in there.

Speaker 2: Uh, the other thing about the, uh, back to the, the original video that we watched or the topic

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker 2: Yeah. The topic of the show. Um, the. Almost, and I know this, this one actually might be a hot take, but almost every single person I know that's married, knew, pretty, there are exceptions, but, but knew pretty early on that that was the person they were going to marry. Like, that was the, the four people that are monogamous relationships that wanted to get married, that are now married.

Like [00:48:00] I, I don't, I know maybe one couple that's been together for a long time that waited like a long, long time mm-hmm. Before they finally got married. But almost everyone I know that's in a long-term marriage overwhelmingly was like, oh yeah, we were together for like a month. And it was like, mm-hmm.

Yeah. I'm never going to find someone better. This is, this is my person. Mm-hmm. Uh, for it. And so like if you, when you find situations like this guy in this video that's like, I don't know how long they've been together, but it seemed like they've been together for a long time.

Speaker 3: That was the vibe.

Speaker 2: Oh. Like, this is like a multi-year relationship.

If you're at that point, and, and it might, you might have discussed as a couple, like, you know, I think we wanna make sure we are in this part of our lives that's different. I'm not talking about like, people that have discussed a reason for waiting. Right? It's the ones that are like, oh yeah, yeah, no, no, we're, we're, we're gonna get married one day and there's nothing really stopping you mm-hmm.

From just doing it.

Speaker: And one person wants to, and

Speaker 2: one person really wants to, and you've been together long [00:49:00] enough, you know, whatever that you wanna say. That time period is, I don't think it's that long if, for, for, if you're going to get married, the half that discussion and to actually talk about that, I don't think it's that long.

I don't think it's gonna be three years before you're like, maybe I'll marry this person. At that point you kind of already know if this is just gonna be something until something better comes along or if it's actually going to be.

Speaker: I mean, I think there's an epidemic of men just being like, someday maybe thinking though there's always gonna

Speaker 2: be something better down the line.

Yeah. I,

Speaker: I don't know what their thought process is. I don't know if they think it's gonna be better. They don't, I mean, some men just don't like the commitment, which I'm like, what does that mean you're doing Right. Right. In the meantime.

Speaker 4: Right.

Speaker: But there's just something very nefarious to me about being in a long-term relationship with someone who you are promising you're going to commit to them, because then they spend their li there.

Mm-hmm. There are people who spend like [00:50:00] decades

Speaker 3: mm-hmm.

Speaker: Like their, their youth, like literally like, you know, like

Speaker 4: mm-hmm.

Speaker: A, a majority of their young life with people. A lot of time spent, but mm-hmm. It could be any gender only for the person to be like, actually I'm gonna date this 18-year-old. Mm-hmm. Or actually, I never wanted to get married.

Or, actually, I'll have kids with you, but I won't marry you, and you'll just mm-hmm. Have to settle for that. Like, that is so wrong. Mm-hmm. In so many ways. Like, I just, I wish that held more weight in our valuation of people. Mm-hmm. Because that's really shitty. Mm-hmm. And I feel like it happens a lot. And then the men just, or whoever did it Yeah.

Are just like, okay, moving on.

Speaker 2: It's when they get to the point where they are like, all right, well I guess this is as good as I'm gonna get. It's gonna get, so

Speaker: sometimes they leave though, or never do it.

Speaker 2: Yeah. I know.

Speaker: Like, literally they leave.

Speaker 2: It's such a terrible reason to get married though. It is like, well,

Speaker: if they do you [00:51:00] mean And they're like, I mean, I get Yeah.

Because

Speaker 2: it does happen. We're like, I'm gonna guess. I guess I'm not gonna the shut up brain. Yeah. It's like, I guess, yeah. I mean, I guess she's right. I guess this is. As good as it gets. So I have

Speaker: to, well, it's, here we go. What di what difference is there, man? Like what are you Yeah, I mean, I, well, I don't know.

You

Speaker 2: should be excited about it. Like it should be like, it shouldn't be like, this is as good as it gets. It should be like, look how good I got it. This as good as it gets. This is, this is as good as it gets. See, intonation, it matters.

Speaker: But like I, my life, I mean, I, there's more stress I think as you get older and you get, you know, of course you get married course and there's a lot going on in life, but like my life, like our relationship didn't change that much.

It wasn't such a huge change. I remember growing up being told it's a huge change, I think. Mm-hmm. A lot of people change after they get married. Mm-hmm. And that's something like what you're, what you're expected to be responsible for and what your partner puts into the relationship changes a lot. Mm-hmm.

But like. These amendments? Like, what, [00:52:00] what do you think you are being held back from? Mm-hmm. Like, you have someone who, this person who loves you, and supposedly you love, like, what is the, what is the problem? Like why? Mm-hmm. Because they're like, it's not like they're against marriage, just they're against it wholly.

Right. It's like they have these other things that they're waiting on, like someone else is gonna come around. Mm-hmm. They wanna be a bachelor. Mm-hmm. I'm just like, I, I think it is. Wrong to think, well, I'll just have it both ways. Mm-hmm. I'll have my cake and eat it too. So I will live the married life and have all the benefits of a married man.

Speaker 4: Mm-hmm.

Speaker: And then not actually be married. That's why don't give, this is to anybody, every gender, don't give somebody like marriage treatment. Mm-hmm. If you wanna be married to them and they will not marry you.

Speaker 2: Mm-hmm. Especially if you're like living with each other. Yeah. You know, that's, that's the big thing.

Like, 'cause so my wife and I didn't live with each other before we got married, which I don't recommend, uh, because it's like a cool, because I've talked to a lot of people about it and I feel like the, [00:53:00] it's, it's not the, you know, even you're in the honeymoon phase, but then it's also mixed in with learning to live with somebody else.

And as much time as you might spend with that person, it's different. When you have a shared, when everything is a shared space. Yeah. And so that first did they year was what they expect. Yeah. It was just such a, when it could have been much more like us just enjoying being married. It was, it was also combined with figuring everything out.

And I get there's, there's, I mean there's benefits to that as well, but I feel, because also, like I think that might have, like for some, for a lot of couples, it can be very, very hard that first year Yeah. Of working with somebody especially, and if you could survive that, then things are better.

Speaker: Especially if like somebody may, is like into traditional gender roles.

I mm-hmm. Have known people that that happened to Right. Where they got married and they lived together and like. All of a sudden, guess what? He had a certain expectation of what she was supposed to do. Mm-hmm. That she didn't know about or he wasn't honest about. That happens all the time. Mm-hmm. Like, [00:54:00] and regardless of gender, like you wanna know, like around the house, are they gonna help out?

Is it a 50 50 split? Like, what are you, like, what is the dynamic there? Do they clean up after themselves? I mean, I would say more often than not, people don't have the exact same style of living when they get together. Right. Like what they'll tolerate. Right. How clean they keep it. Like that's stuff you definitely wanna know.

Mm-hmm. And I, and I, I definitely have a conspiracy theory that like, that's so, so much of why like people say you have to get married first is because mm-hmm. They know that if someone saw the way the other person lived, they'd be like, heck no. Yeah.

Speaker 2: I'm

Speaker: not picking up your dirty drawers.

Speaker 2: Yeah.

Speaker: Uhuh. No, no.

You know what I mean? I think like. I, I don't wanna hate on any, like if you have traditional, if that's, you know, whatever. Right. If you don't wanna live together, whatever. I'm just saying like. I feel like maybe that has, plays a part where maybe they're like, just get 'em married first, because then they won't know what [00:55:00] they're getting into.

Speaker 2: Right.

Speaker: But that's my theory.

Speaker 2: I'm with you. I feel like that is a, uh, I, I just, I, it's one of those things where I think it's becoming more and more normalized, but you still hear people reminiscing about this idea of like, no, we're gonna wait till we, we get married before we, uh, and I just, I don't know. I feel like, like I said, the one benefit I think is that some people might misunderstand, you have to go into the living with each other.

With an understanding that it's going to be hard and it's not gonna be easy. And Sure. And that's 'cause the, the benefit I guess, of waiting till a marriage was like, you know, we weren't gonna just like get, I mean, some people do, I guess it's very common to get divorced the first year. Um, but like with the, you know, as hard as things were at times we're like, we just, we just got married.

Like we gotta, we gotta figure this out, you know? Yeah. It's not like we're gonna just, we're not gonna, we're not, neither of us. Were gonna get divorced with each other. We still love this person. How do we, how do we fix this? Where I think some people might be like, Ooh, I'm happy we learned this now.

Speaker 4: Right?

'cause

Speaker 2: I can't do this forever. [00:56:00] And it that, which is a valid feeling, you know, for depending, depending on what it is. But if it's just simply the, the growing pains of, of learning the, the how to live, that's different. I think people, but it's hard. It's, in hindsight, I can see the difference. Right. If I was, you know, one year and I'm a relationship, we move in with each other, it might be hard for me to understand the difference of learning to live with another person versus I don't like living with this other person.

Speaker: Right, right. Yeah, I, I definitely think you don't know your partner fully if you don't know what they're like to live with, and you wanna be married to them and live with them. Right. Because that's a big part, like what someone's like. If you share space with them

Speaker 4: mm-hmm. Is,

Speaker: is different than who they are and maybe, you know, like there could be, somebody could have just some crazy bad habits or whatever else.

Mm-hmm. And it's like, I, I would highly recommend living with someone before you marry them. Mm-hmm. [00:57:00] So you don't get a big surprise. Mm-hmm. It's not a good surprise on your wedding night or whatever else.

Speaker 2: Right. Yeah. There are, there are also things I think of like, uh, when people don't realize too, is finding, finding how to pick your battles.

And I think that happens in your first year too, where it's like, uh, so like I, I'm not a dirty person, but I am a messy person and I think there's a difference. Yeah. Right. I'm a very clean person, but I also like having a pile of clothes clutter next to my Yeah. I'm a cluttered person, right. And so, and so I had to figure out, all right, what's acceptable clutter that allows my A DHD brain to like still fun?

'cause I function better when it's not cluttered. I need my spaces where I can be cluttered, uh, yeah. To be there and certain things. And so like figuring out where is allowed, you know, what shared spaces are allowed, what shared spaces are allowed to be differently. But that's part of that negotiation. And if you have one partner that's like, no, it's fucking my way everywhere, that's also gonna lead to a lot of issues down the road.

So it is probably better to find that out. [00:58:00] Uh, early on

Speaker: I had to realize that like, I, when I wake up, unless I'm really tired, and then mm-hmm. I am tired, but I wake up and my brain turns fully on mm-hmm. And I'm ready to have any conversation about any subject ever. Mm-hmm. And my wife is a normal person, so there would be times I would wake up, be like.

Did you hear about this intense political thing that's happening? Mm-hmm. Or like, like, I wanna get into this. Like, I, I just remembered a trauma head or something. What's that? Wild? And she's like, it's 8:00 AM Please. I, it takes me two hours

Speaker 2: before my brain's turned on. I'm the same way as your wife. Yeah.

Speaker: I was like, oh, oh, that's not right.

Because I'm so, I just am so excited to talk to her always. Mm-hmm. It's almost like I'm aware that I've been sleeping. I'm like, oh my God, I can't wait. Tell,

Speaker 2: oh my God, there's so many things I've been thinking about that I need to tell you about.

Speaker: Yeah. And you know, she works. So like I, everyone knows I'm obsessed with my wife, but, uh, so I had to learn like, Hey, don't do that.

Just like [00:59:00] mm-hmm. Her favorite thing to do. Let me tell you this, like Saturday early, like when we wake up Saturday or Sunday, uh, is clean. I hate that.

Speaker 2: That's like a, like a for a fun thing.

Speaker: Yes. Ah, yes. Uhhuh, I know. She's like 8:00 AM let's clean the bathrooms. I'm like, this is my nightmare. Right. So, you know, it's, we

Speaker 2: just woke up, it's 8:00 AM

Speaker: I wanna talk about politics.

It's not clean bathrooms. So it's like, you know, you just learn each other's things. Mm-hmm. And then you figure out what works best. So like she. She will clean or, you know, wait for me to wake up and then I'll clean and I try and start the mornings in an easier way. And I don't just trauma dump first thing in the morning.

Yeah. Or, or info dump. A lot of times I've just hit her with like all the facts of something that I've learned and she's like, I don't even know what you just said. Yeah. What are you saying? I

Speaker 2: [01:00:00] have, I have, that's my problem is I'll get really excited sometimes. I'm like, I wanna tell you, and I, I've gotten better.

It, it kills me that it took till my forties before I was finally able to understand the signs when someone does not care about what you're saying.

Speaker 3: Yes.

Speaker 2: And it's, it hurts a little bit, you know, like to know, but it also makes me feel like, oh my god. How many years of my life have I just been like, I need to tell you all about this comic book I just read.

It was 12 comic book series and I really wanna get into it. 'cause I think it's correlated to our current political like, situation that we're in right now. Mm-hmm. For instance, and I'll be, and I, and you could tell they're like, mm-hmm. Okay. Mm-hmm. That is wonderful.

Speaker: Yeah. But I'm the same way and I love that shit.

I love if I feel like social, um, awkwardness or mm-hmm. Uh, discomfort. Like if I think maybe someone else is uncomfortable or, you know, you meet somebody you don't know them. Yeah. My first [01:01:00] goal is to figure out something they like

Speaker 4: Yeah.

Speaker: And talk about it. Mm-hmm. So like, I love that because I'm like, okay, good.

Like, I'm like, mm-hmm. I, I usually can like, I'm like, okay, what, what do they like? Mm-hmm. Because I, I love hearing about things people are interested in. If someone's excited about a topic. Unless it's something I hate for some reason. Mm-hmm. I will, I am down to hear whatever that conversation is. Right. So I sometimes it's soothing Jessica some.

Mm-hmm. And it takes the social pressure off people. Yeah. Sometimes.

Speaker 2: No, I personally, but I think it's also, I feel like it's a neurodivergent thing also. Like I love info dumps. I'm like, you wanna tell me these rocks? Hell yeah. Tell me more about those. That's great. Uhhuh, I have no, and I might forget it afterwards.

Like, I'm not, it might not be Oh yeah. Stick it around, but it doesn't stay.

Speaker: Yeah. But

Speaker 2: I like seeing people excited about things. I think that's what it is. I'm like, that makes me excited about it. Like, I can match your energy in that regard. Uh, with, with some exceptions. Every once in a while even I [01:02:00] will be like, no, this isn't working.

Yeah. But for the most part, there are exceptions.

Speaker 3: There are

Speaker 2: exceptions. Uh, you know, like, I can't, I'm not gonna get excited about crypto. That's, uh, oh God.

Speaker: Uh, if, if ever you, you gotta get 'em on, like talking about blockchains and then like crypto scams.

Speaker 4: Um,

Speaker: then it's interesting. That's when I, I love like, uh, there's been a lot of really good, uh, scams and, um, cons with crypto.

Mm-hmm. That like, I'll be like, okay, do you know this though because mm-hmm. It's crypto alone.

Speaker 2: I do, like five years ago I bought my one crypto purchase. I don't remember what it's called. Um, it's the only thing I ever bought. 'cause I was able to buy a billion of it for $50.

Speaker: What

Speaker 2: I know our show's about the end and we're talking about crypto.

Speaker: You talked about crypto.

Speaker 2: I know. I brought it up as something I don't care about and now I wanna share. And now you're

Speaker 3: talking about it.

Speaker 2: It was, I bought, uh, Sheba. Nuco [01:03:00] and it was, I was able to buy, uh, like it was something like I bought what, 1 billion or a hundred million of it or something like that.

'cause it's worth nothing. At least at the time it's worth, like, I have like, it's like worth like 1500 bucks now what I have. Oh, nice. I just, the price of it right now, that was, that was kind of a surprise. But I bought, I was like, there's ne if there's ever a time in your life where you can buy a billion of something for $50, how are you gonna say no to that?

Right. And it's, it obviously, it turned out to be a good, I wish I had bought more. Apparently I should have invested, uh, more than that. Uh, but so I, I like that I am a, I am a cha billionaire. I am a shi coin billionaire. And it will probably never, but if, who knows, I don't understand crypto enough. 'cause I don't care about it.

What if it's worth a penny one day, then I'm gonna retire as a crypto shi billionaire.

Speaker 3: Wow. I

Speaker: mean, you're a crypto bro.

Speaker 2: I am. That's quite, I do fe I feel weird about owning it, but I don't [01:04:00] want to, I don't even know how to sell it 'cause it's in some sort of weird wallet that I, and I just don't wanna deal with it.

So it's just gonna sit there,

Speaker: just gonna live there.

Speaker 2: Did I ever tell you I owned a hundred Bitcoin or could have had a hundred Bitcoin at one point? Which would be worth,

Speaker: oh shit. What happened? So

Speaker 2: when I was selling on my computer in grad school or like right after grad school, uh, and somebody, and I put it on Craigslist, Uhhuh, and somebody offered me, they're like, Hey, if you want, I'll trade you.

And this is back when it was worth like a dollar. A Bitcoin. It was worth like nothing. I don't remember what year it was, but they, uh, they offered me a hundred Bitcoin for, I was like, what the fuck? Get the fuck outta here with their Bitcoin bullshit. I was like, what the hell's a Bitcoin? And, and that was not, you made that up at the time?

I was the, or at least it felt like I was the smart one. I was like, I don't want it. Are these, what the hell you, I need money. I'm a broke, you know, adjunct professor, or I was, I don't know if I was a grad student adjunct that, but I was broke for, I was broke for a long period of mine. So it's hard to narrow it down, but it was enough that I was like, I need money to buy groceries.

Like, that's [01:05:00] my, I'm starving. Yeah. I can't buy food with, with whatever this random, with your imaginary money, with your imaginary computer coins. Get the fuck outta here. And I'm like, and somebody did make me feel better though, they said, because I was like, I'd be a millionaire if I had said yes to that.

And a friend of mine said, no, you wouldn't have, because you would've sold it. Back when it started to be worth money. 'cause it would've been stupid back then not to sell it. Uh, and, uh, but I could have, hold on. I don't know. I still beat myself up about that.

Speaker: Will never, no,

Speaker 2: I'll never know. I probably would've lost access to it actually, if it were gonna be really honest here.

And that would've felt even worse knowing that I have like millions of dollars in Bitcoin that I could never, ever access because I wouldn't know how to do it.

Speaker: What was my username

Speaker 2: like? I don't even know how to sell the ship coin. I have the Shiba INU coin I have right now. So, uh, along those lines, that was a good way to end the episode.

Crypto, our new crypto podcast will be launching next [01:06:00] week.

Speaker: Clearly we're experts. Yeah. Thank you so much for joining us for today's episode. As you know, we have the pre-show on Patreon, so check that out. We have our socials, which are always linked to the episode. And other than that, friends, we'll see you next week.

Speaker 2: Bye. Love you, bye.