Right Quick Ep 2 Transcript
Episode 2 On Funes- November 5, 2025

Vance Gowe: Welcome to Right Quick.
Nandi K: a bite sized pop culture conversation with your favorite queer unfriendly black hotties.
Vance Gowe: And we're unfriendly today because toxic mothering
Nandi K: mmmmmmmm
Vance Gowe: and I’m Vance Gowe
Nandi K: and I'm Nandi K, woof. Wow. That was a deep one to just kind of
Vance Gowe: I know
Nandi K: drop there. Wow.
Vance Gowe: Came out swinging because
Nandi K: My goodness. [Nandi’s flabbers are ghasted] I mean, I guess I mean we're about to get started with this suggestion and this week we're talking about funes. I mean, let's kick it off. Since you wanted to kick it off with the deep shit, talking about toxic mother., my toxic mother is not invited to my funeral.
[church organs introduce the Nigtionary moment]
Nandi K: Fune, sometimes referred to as a homegoing or a celebration of life. A fune is a black funeral that not only includes traditional death rites, but traditional mess rites, typically followed by a repast of post-funeral meal, where more traditional rites take place. Funes are rarely planned by the person being celebrated, but when they are, they often have the best programs. May Hate Reetha. Rest in peace. Amen. Amen.
Vance Gowe: What happens if Toxic Mother shows up?
Nandi K: She's banned. Um. I will be writing an advanced directive. She's also not allowed to see me in the hospital. Should I linger? All of this will be specified in the documents. If you can't get right with me in life, you surely are not going to be able to stand there and quote unquote, honor me in death. That's outrageous! I will have no such thing.
Vance Gowe: Damn hear- heard. [laughs] I feel like I feel like you're more thorough than me. Because I think, um, yeah, I don't, I don't know, I feel like, uh, there's members of my family that will be present, and I'm always. I'm always team. I'm of two minds. I think I want two Funes. I want a cool people, Funes, and whatever my people gonna do.
Nandi K: [disapprovingly] Noooooo…
Vance Gowe: Because they're gonna have that dry ass Jehovah Witness. You know
Nandi K: I can't. This. These are things I won't allow. I'd be like, do you know, you can just say, I don't want that. And this is like where it goes back to, like, canonically, you're much nicer than me. And I'll definitely use the word nice, because I think we're both very kind people and equally kind. But when it comes to nice. No. I'm dead. No. Two funerals and I'm dead. That's out. You might as well just have it in your house. Leave me out of it. Let's say we did and not.
Vance Gowe: Uh, yeah, I don't know, every time I've gone to two funerals this year. Um. I'm not a funeral. I don't go to a lot of funerals. My people strong, typically. Um.

Nandi K & Vance Gowe: [laughs]
Vance Gowe: This year. This year is something in the water.
Nandi K: ..I.. strength and funerals? Everyone dies, I don't think but funerals are indicators of strength.
Vance Gowe: Yeah, It's. We're just as frequently.
Nandi K: We don't die as frequently, is wild.
Vance Gowe: We don't. I
Nandi K: It's like. But you don't even know all your family. You just admitted minutes ago that you have family who you don't know and don't know you. You're telling me those people aren't passing away yearly?
Vance Gowe: Not. Not my people.
Nandi K: Wild.
Vance Gowe: Look, I only feel. I only feel heavily for people that I know. So with that being said, I don't know them niggas! But two funerals this year: they are uncommon for my people. Um, every time I go to the fune, I just be looking around like, okay, what is my fune gon be? Because they need some creative direction? Um, fighting is welcome. It is. However, I don't think y'all gon to be fighting. So like my folks, I think y'all gon act right.
Nandi K: Right. I think you bring up a really important point.
Vance Gowe: Wha-?
Nandi K: Now for the plot. Should I invite? See, here's a possible reason to invite my mama. If I put in my directive, somebody has to fight my mama at the funeral
Vance Gowe: I will-
Nandi K: and then she gets invited in that case. But only some people who are down. Obviously not you. You're not the person I can leave with these instructions. But maybe someone else. Someone who has less attachment,
Vance Gowe: Nandi-
Nandi K: like someone who would be more willing to slap my mama.
Vance Gowe: Nandi. Nandi- I would. I wouldn’t fight, I wouldn't fight your mama, Nandi. but I would. I would, like, try to ensure that that happened, you know, because.
Nandi K:Okay.
Vance Gowe: you asked for it.
Nandi K: That's good enough. Then I would maybe leave the directive with you, with someone else and be like. And also, Lance said he would help,
Vance Gowe: and I would help. I would, I would, I would be, make sure.
Nandi K: That's a good that's a good point. I'm glad you actually brought that up, because I didn't think about how fighting is like a really important part.
Vance Gowe: It, it's a critical. So I just I just told y'all about, uh, Jessie Cooley. Can I say a full, full.
Nandi K: Sure!
Vance Gowe: This is free advertising. Mister Cooley,
Nandi K: Of course!
Vance Gowe: Jessie Cooley in Fresno, uh, funeral home. Like I said, if there's more than one funeral home in Fresno, I don't know nothing about it. Jessie Cooley, bury every single person in my family. Um, some of the best funes I've ever gone to. Jessie Jesse Cooley. They'll be fighting in there. Um, they always got some incredulous man in the front that: “Y'all better KNECK it off.” Um. “Turn ‘er loose.” You know, all of that. He get up on the mic, “She wouldn't want this!” I said she would.
Nandi K: And WOULD!
Vance Gowe: And these are her. This is her kin. Like she raised these people.
Nandi K: I don't want anyone saying what I wouldn't want, because
Vance Gowe: You wrote it down
Nandi K: Everything that happens is, is actually in my will that I left in the manila envelope.
Vance Gowe: Cause you wrote it down…
Nandi K: So it's all there, including the person who has to get up and say: “Nandi had THEE BEST, wettest, tightest, *grits teeth* Gorilla grip. Moonchie Cat 9K.
[everyone cackles]
Producer: Eleven minutes, eleven minutes.
Nandi K: So yeah, somebody definitely has to, uh, get up and say that. That's really important. I would be so upset if nobody did that because it's my funeral.
Vance Gowe: I'm just gonna co-sign. If they say, you know, uh, it has to be at least seven adjectives long. Whatever the description.
Nandi K: It's like, what active role will you play? Because you're playing a lot of support roles right now.
Vance Gowe: Nandi! Whatchu thank?
Nandi K: You're- it's a lot of I won't do it, but I'll help it happen.
Vance Gowe: Are they going to believe me if I say it? Maybe.
Nandi K: Maybe more than one person. I won't leave you as the only person with the direction. they would believe it.
Vance Gowe: That’s true. That’s true.That is true.
Nandi K: We might end up getting married. We never know what's going to happen. We don't know the immediate future.
Vance Gowe: We been talkin’ bout gettin married for awhile.
Nandi K: We might have some entanglements for purposes and reasons that may lead people to believe that. You might know
Vance Gowe: that I know about the dual dual grip
Nandi K: And I hold that should the circumstances be *just* right, who knows what could happen with the NDA?
Vance Gowe: I’ll sign the NDA.
Nandi K: Yeah, I know you would. That's not even a question. I wouldn't even. Honestly, I wouldn't even have to. Because I know you would. And that's like a big. And plus we can Kiki about it together without the NDA. Then we can Kiki about it together with the NDA. Only I can laugh about it.
Vance Gowe: [laughs] So, funes. What's the. I'm trying to think. Fresno funes are the best. How are Jacksonville funes?
Nandi K: Um, I haven't been to one in a while, but they're usually pretty good.
Vance Gowe: Cause your people are strong.
Nandi K: Well, and I don't talk to them. That's really the.
Vance Gowe: That part. Fair, fair.
Nandi K: That's really the thing. Um, yeah, they're usually pretty good. Like, my grandmother's funeral was great. Um, she died, like, thirteen years ago. My uncle died, like, eight years ago. That was honestly one of the best funerals that I've ever been to. Because my uncle, a Leo, A baddie Canonical hottie. He had four wives,
Vance: Yeah… That’s how the fights happen.
Nandi K: or maybe even five, four, four wives. And three of them were there at the funeral.
Vance Gowe: Mhm.
Nandi K: Um, and they all laughed. It was like there was a whole joke about like he was married and this many of his wives are here, ex wives were here or whatever. That was a big joke. And he was a very jokey nigga. He was super funny. The music was fire. All his old work was there because also, even though he was married, I guess he was like, not with his latest wife anymore either? So like, there was even, like more recent work at the funeral because he died before he was 60. So he was only like 58 or something like that?
Vance Gowe: When you say ‘work’ you mean hoes?
Nandi K: Yeah, but I wouldn't call older women.. these women..
Vance Gowe: Fair, fair.
Nandi K: Whoa. No, I don't mean hos. I mean “old work”.
Vance: Partners? Uh, paramours? [laughs] What is it?
Nandi K: Friends.
Vance Gowe: Little friends.
Nandi K: People of that age call them friends. I think they call them friends.
Vance Gowe: Yeah. They do. They say ‘this is my friend’... Bernard….Mr Bernard.
Nandi K: Yeah. Yeah. And so that that funeral was great. There was no fighting. There was drama because my uncle was still married to, like, his first wife. Plot twist. Divorce decree came in the mail like a week after the funeral. There was, like, fighting about, like, money. It was it. It had everything. I gotta say.
Vance Gowe: That's the best fune when there's drama. I have I went to my, uh, one of my best friend's former best friend that,former best friend. Fuck that nigga.
Nandi K: Purr.
Vance Gowe: his, uh, his mom passed. She was kind of like my mom because, you know, toxic mothers, you have a lot of mothers. So, um, I had my mama. Anyway. His sister. His sister is, um. what's the word? I would say she didn't. She didn't take care of mama when she was here. So, you know them be the ones in the casket. So she was making jokes with us right before she went to go look at the body. Maybe 30 seconds after, you know, she goes, she joking? Joking with us. She go in there? No, no less than 30 second, all we hear [yelling and falling out sounds]. And I thought she was playing because she kind of goofy. She was falling out trying to get in the casket. And then someone tried to gather her and she started swinging on him.
Vance Gowe: [fights the air] “Get the. Get the fuck off me, bitch.” She start swinging
Nandi K: Oh my god.
Vance Gowe: and we like, oh! and it's my favorite when it's not my family because I don't have no like I'm not embarrassed
Nandi K: You have no dog in the fight, right?
Vance Gowe: Yeah. It's like TV at that point. So me and the other homie are just like, oh, and we laughing because we know these people. But yeah, that was a funeral home where the where the man was like, she wouldn't want this.
Nandi K: Oh wow. She wouldn't want this. No, I want it. I was also thinking about some of the best funerals that we know like we're playing. So I think about Aretha's funeral. Hateretha. My boo. One of the best funerals that I felt like I was there because I was off work, and I was sitting in front of my computer with my tambourine. So I really feel like I was there. I literally had my tambourine and I knew all the songs, so I was like, I'm here.
Vance Gowe: The music, I think it's the music that made it,
Nandi K: that's why. Yeah, well, that's all that matters. Oh. Jehovah Witness.
Vance Gowe: Yeah. Our funerals. Look, I was I was at a, I was at a relative's funeral a couple weeks ago, and, uh, the music was not popping.
Nandi K: Yikes.
Vance Gowe: And you always got the little niece that they let sang, and they shouldn't let sing. And she be up there singing Ashanti.
Nandi K: Yikes. None of those people are allowed to sing at my funeral.
Vance Gowe: No, I already know your music. Gonna be good. We gonna be C-walkin
Nandi K: And it's gonna be tight. And there's people who are not allowed
Vance Gowe: before the repast.
Nandi K: My mama, she can't. Even if she's allowed to be there. She's not allowed to perform or speak. Um…
Vance Gowe: No speakin?
Nandi K: Because we don't speak. Because we don't speak because we didn't speak. But I do like because to look at what happened at Aretha's funeral when they went off book. Ariana Grande. Sorry, Niggiana Grande was there with her too short skirt on. Her knees were showing
Vance Gowe: Yeah, lookin like she was goin to the club.
Nandi K: Then that fuckin pastor sexually fucking harassed her on the platform. I was like, first she needs a modesty cloth! Who, who, who, dressed her for this? Somebody should have helped her. Second. Young sir. Sir. Pastor. Rev, what are you doing?
Vance Gowe: What they do. Also, that's cultural incompetence.
Nandi K: Yes.
Vance Gowe: Right. Like you going to a Black funeral. And. I'm sorry. A fune. Excuse me. Uh, you going to a Black fune and you know, it's gon be music and shit. And maybe she thought it was going to be the club. So she went, you know, dressed like she thought she should dress, but she was wrong. She was wrong because I don't know. I think at our funes people be dressed like church, like regular like.
Nandi K: Yeah. I mean, I'm gonna have a dress code for my fune. Probably just like a color.
Vance Gowe: We love colors. We love colors.
Nandi K: But y'all know how I am. Y'all also know what I would want.
Vance Gowe: We love a color theme. That's. Yeah. That’s a hallmark.
Nandi K: And everybody must come on color theme. I will have Toni there as security, um, making sure that everybody is, um, there. The music will be popping. It sounds like I'm gonna really have to get the music together for your fune. We gonna have to start planning because you don't even have, like, the vocabulary to have, like, the right.
Vance Gowe: I was going to just tell y'all niggas to have a party and then, you know, just like I could rent a hall
Nandi K: Yeah, but we're gonna want to have a little moment where we speak and sing a song.
Vance Gowe: Ya’ll can have a moment
Nandi K: I'm gonna sing mango.
Producer: Four minutes, four minutes.
Nandi K: I'm gonna sing mango. If, uh. What what love is. That's my never selfish. That's what I'm gonna sing.
Vance: That’s my shit. And of service. What?
Nandi K: Yep. I haven't listened to it in a while, but that sounds right.
Vance Gowe: One of the hoes ruined that song for me, but I'm trying.
Nandi K: Well, it was given to you by a hoe. So it only makes sense that a hoe would ruin it. Okay, so let's talk about the repast, which is now what I was saying. My uncle's funeral. That was the most contentious time for me, because this was my first, like my first funeral as an adult. For real, for real, for real. So, like, my grandmother died, um, a year after I moved to New York, but my uncle died, you know, like, eight years ago. So I've been in New York for a minute, and it was the first time where I was like, oh, I can do my kind of do my own thing. And so my Godmama, who is also one of my uncle's old girlfriends, plot twists I never knew this until then, until he died. I did not know this
Vance Gowe: I love post-death tea. Post mortem tea the best. It don’t matter
Nandi K: It's truly outrageous. But her and my mama fell out when I was growing up because my mama threw me out and I walked to my Godmama's house because she lived nearby. It was like the middle of the night and I had nowhere to go. So I walked over there and my mom got mad, so they fell out over. My mom fell out with her over that. But obviously at this funeral, I'm not gonna not. So I sat with my God mama during the repast. The food was so good. We had all the basics. There was baked chicken, fried chicken, yellow rice, perlo rice, um, green beans, potato salad, deviled eggs, cake, punch. Chek Sodas.
Vance Gowe: Yes, Chek sodas.
Nandi K: Yes. Oh, y'all got sodas too, right,
Vance Gowe: We do Shasta? No, we don't. I just know because I lived over there a little bit.
Nandi K: Oh, yeah. You did. I forgot. Okay, we got that too. We got them too,
Vance Gowe: We got Mt. Shasta. Dr. Shasta
Nandi K: Mhm. We got them too. Shasta. Sounds racist.
Vance Gowe: Do it?
Nandi K: It sounds like a white man was like a Jamaican soda. Is Shasta.
Vance Gowe: That's fair [laughs]
Nandi K: [sings] Island boy. Sounds like a creation of the Island boys or something. Anyway,
Vance Gowe: uh, yeah. No, Repasr is my favorite part. Because, you know, we going to be C-walking in the name of granny. Um, we're going to do the heel toe for uncle. For Unc. Um, yeah. And my family, Repasts, seem to be the part where, like, the younger people kind of shine and do their thing.
Nandi K: Okay.
Vance Gowe: At the last funeral I went to, I think I may have told you in our group chat that, um, I, I did not go to the repass because
Nandi K: You did.It was fightin. It was gettin dangerous.
Vance Gowe: it was a [beep] We gon hafta beep out [beep].
Nandi K: Perfect. We are. We already will canonically be beeping out things. That's a part of our brand, so
Vance Gowe: I don't need them coming for me. So the [beep], uh, they're really the [beep] really bleep that out [laughs] Yeah, but yeah, [
Nandi K: [busts out laughing] Yeah
Vance Gowe: [beep] of Fresno, I think they are.
Nandi K: [laughing] Gets yourself in deeper!
Vance Gowe: They are [beep]. They’re a sect of Bloods. They were
Nandi K: Regional, a regional sect.
Vance Gowe: Look, my my dumbass was like, what? What's the color? No, it's a blood. So they were like red. I was like, oh, okay. So, uh, of course I didn't come in red then.
Nandi K: Oh.
Vance Gowe: I came in purple, so I just needed to know what not to wear. So, uh.
Nandi K: Sure.
Vance Gowe: My little cousin -
Nandi K: That’s pretty close. You are really cutting it close. You like to play with fire?
Vance Gowe: Solidarity. I'm not in blue, you know. So my little cousin, who’s a reckless YN, I was like, “Yo, are you going to the repast?” A reckless YN from Florida, mind you,
Nandi K: I remember this
Vance Gowe: was like, I am not. He said, these niggas do too much and they already getting a little rowdy cuz they like to. They like to drink and tussle.
Nandi K: Now, I'm not going to talk about your cousin’s history that I know about, but I am gonna say that the fact that your cousin, with the history that is not gonna to be repeated.
Vance Gowe: Please no.
Nandi K: said that he was not going, was ALL that you needed to know.
Vance Gowe: That's all I needed to know. And I got into my car and I left, and I didn't go. I didn't ask no questions about the repast. Don't know what happened, didn't go. But normally the repass is where it's at.
Nandi K: Yeah. Word? Yeah. Because y'all don't have no songs or nothing. I usually really like the funeral part too, because they be going in with the music.
Vance Gowe: I also think I also think black funerals are a little traumatic. The, uh, the open casket of it all is what it is.
Nandi K: I mean, if you're traumatized by that type of thing, I'm not personally traumatized by open caskets. That does not traumatize me. So
Vance Gowe: I've been to a fune where they tossed Toss the body. They they they.
Nandi K: WHAT?
Vance Gowe: My uncle. The the the body was on wheels, maybe. And they don't will they done wheelied my uncle to his family. And his mama was. His mama was, uh, she was, uh, they from Haiti. She “Oh lord!” they fell out. The babies falling out. I said, why why do we have to do, like, even this last funeral I went to, I avoided the open casket. I know what that look like. Um…
Nandi K: Yeah. Some people definitely don't like to see that. I think that's a very specific trigger that some people have. I personally don't have that. And also, it's not them.
Vance Gowe: It's not them.
Nandi K: I think that's the thing I always realized
Vance Gowe: it's a husk
Nandi K: and is.
Vance Gowe: But I don't need to see no tamale husk. I'm like, I’m good.
Nandi K: No one's allowed to gaze upon me. As as will be noted in the directions
Vance Gowe: Period.
Nandi K: If you lost, if you weren't there in my final moments, you lost out on the opportunity to gaze upon me for one last time. You remember what I look like. There will be photos available at the celebration.
Vance Gowe: QR code scanner
Nandi K: [laughs] not a QR code. No, we won't be having. There will be no QR codes. There will be only physical media at my funeral. You will only be able to play vinyls and CDs
Vance Gowe: Not vinyls. Yeah,
Producer: we are at time. We're at time.
Nandi K: Did you have any final thoughts,[beep], about, you know, are people allowed to gaze upon you? Probably not.
Vance Gowe: Hell no! No
Nandi K: Right. Okay. Do you want to be cremated? I
Vance Gowe: I wanna to be a tree. Maybe cremation. Nice. The. The coolest funeral I've been to to date. That was my favorite. Was my great uncle. Uh, my granny's brother. Um, they they burnt him up. They cremated him. And we took his ashes
Nandi K: ‘Burnt him up is crazy’
Vance Gowe: and we went out onto a boat,
Nandi K: Cute.
Vance Gowe: and we tossed the. We tossed his ashes in the in the ocean. And it was under the Golden Gate Bridge.
Nandi K: Oh, nice. Yeah,
Vance Gowe: It was like a service. Yeah, it was nice. And then, uh, before we left, the guy said something. One of the family members said something along the lines of, because we had some of my uncle left over, they said something along the lines of like, ‘wrap his ass up and let's go.’ And
Nandi K: I…Doesn’t it seem correct?
Vance Gowe: Yeah
Nandi K: Yeah.
Vance Gowe: Yeah, it was giving Tupperware. I screamed. It was a funny time. So yeah, a funeral. So maybe something like that.
Nandi K: Well, speaking of wrapping it up and let's going. Uh, [beep], do you, uh, Vance, do you want to tell us who today's episode is sponsored by?
Vance Gowe: Today's episode is brought to you by Dede's Death Doula Services incorporated. We may not get you the glory, but we'll get you the hell up out of here.
Nandi K: Ow! a big thanks to our audio. Adonis Aaron Freeman
Vance Gowe: catcalls. I’m Vance Gowe and you can find me. Me. On Sniffies
Nandi K: Bye!. And I'm Nandi K, you can find me in a normal place on Instagram and on threads at nandi k a y y y. Until next time y'all.
Producer: Right quick is a podcast for They Agenda Productions, created by Nandi K and co-hosted by Vance Gowe. Aaron Freeman is our mouthy producer, audio production by Aaron Rand Freeman, theme music by Luke Santy, art by Sonya Hunniycutt.

*music* This nigga dead.