Marcus Aurelius was a Roman Emperor from 161 to 180 AD, the last of what history calls the Five
Good Emperors. He held one of the most powerful roles in the ancient world. Surrounded by wealth,
influence, and endless political scheming, he could have easily slipped into pride or
bitterness. Instead, he chose to show virtue, be fair. That choice is why he’s remembered
as one of the great Stoic philosophers. During his reign he kept a private journal,
later known as Meditations. These were not meant for anyone else - just notes to himself. In them,
he worked through practical ways to master his thoughts and emotions.
He reminded himself to keep a broad, almost cosmic perspective, and to examine his own judgments
before reacting to others. Even while facing wars, betrayals, and the crushing weight of leadership,
Marcus leaned on Stoic ideas to stay steady and avoid being ruled by anger or insult.
At the heart of Stoicism is a simple truth: peace of mind doesn’t depend on what others say or do.
It comes from how we choose to see and respond. Other people’s words and actions are outside
our control. Our response is always ours. In this video, we’ll explore 7 lessons from
Marcus Aurelius on staying balanced and not take things too personally.
Expect the worst
Marcus Aurelius says “When you wake up in the morning, tell yourself: The people I
deal with today will be meddling, ungrateful, arrogant, dishonest, jealous, and surly”.
The Stoics had a habit they called premeditatio malorum - literally “the premeditation of evils.”
We often call it negative visualization. At first it sounds gloomy, but for Marcus
Aurelius and other Stoics it was a way to stay steady when life - or people - turned harsh.
Marcus would start his mornings by reminding himself: Today I will meet
people who are meddling, ungrateful, arrogant, deceitful, jealous, or selfish. He wasn’t trying
to sour his mood. He was preparing his mind. By picturing difficult encounters before they
happened, he made them less surprising and less powerful. If someone insulted him during the day,
he had already met that insult in his imagination. He could say to himself, Ah,
here it is. I expected this, and keep his calm. That is the heart of negative visualization:
quietly picturing challenges before they arrive, so you can respond by choice instead of shock. It
isn’t about expecting disaster or sinking into worry. It’s about rehearsing reality. People
will misunderstand you. Some will criticize you unfairly. Someone will cut you off in traffic or
drive as if no one else exists. Others will show no civic sense at all - pushing ahead in a line,
littering, ignoring basic courtesy. By facing those possibilities first in your own mind,
you loosen their hold over you. You can try this in small ways.
Before a meeting or a difficult talk, take a minute alone. Imagine someone dismissing your
idea or questioning your work. Notice the sting, then picture yourself breathing and letting their
words land without letting them define you. See yourself answering calmly - or simply
letting the comment pass. Finally, picture walking away with your self-respect intact.
The benefits are quiet but strong. First, you’re less likely to be caught off guard.
Criticism feels familiar, almost ordinary. Second, you learn that your peace doesn’t
depend on anyone else’s approval. Their words belong to them, not to you.
And third, you focus on what you can control: your own character, your response, your next action.
Marcus Aurelius ruled an empire, faced betrayals, and heard constant criticism,
yet he kept returning to this practice. If it helped him stay balanced in a world
far harsher than ours, it can help us too. Spend a few minutes each morning
or evening imagining the hard words you might hear tomorrow. When they arrive,
you’ll recognize them—and you’ll already know how you want to stand.
2. Understand that other people's actions reflect themselves, not you
According to Marcus Aurelius “When someone does wrong, it is
because of their ignorance, not because of you.” Marcus often reminds himself in Meditations that
people act according to their own nature, their habits, and the limits of their understanding.
When someone criticizes you, lies about you, or behaves rudely, that behavior is a mirror
of their character and current state of mind - not a verdict on your worth. He writes that when
someone does wrong, it is out of ignorance: ignorance of what is good, of what is just,
or of what is truly beneficial for them. Think about the last time someone snapped
at you in traffic or left a hurtful comment online. In the moment, it feels personal. But
if you pause, you’ll see it likely had more to do with their stress, their upbringing,
their own disappointments, or their own lack of perspective than with you. Their
actions are a reflection of their inner world. When we forget this, we hand strangers and
acquaintances unnecessary power over our emotions. We start to believe that their
judgments define us. But their words and deeds can only wound us if we grant them that permission.
Marcus urges us to remember: no one can truly harm your character unless you join in the harm
by reacting with anger, bitterness, or resentment. This understanding frees you. Instead of feeling
attacked, you can view another person’s outburst or criticism almost like bad weather - something
that simply is. You wouldn’t take a thunderstorm as an insult; you’d just
take shelter and move on. The same is true here. Practicing this perspective also opens the door
to compassion. Imagine you’re at the grocery store and someone snaps at you for no reason - maybe you
reached for the same item or your cart blocked the aisle for a moment. Your first reaction might be
to snap back. But pause for a second. That person might be carrying something heavy: maybe they
just lost a job, got bad news from the doctor, or are worried about a sick child. Their sharp words
reveal their own stress and pain, not your worth. Recognizing that their behavior is about
them - not you - lets you stay calm or even offer kindness instead of adding more heat.
You might simply step aside, smile, or say, “No problem,” and move on.
So when you run into rudeness or unfair treatment - whether it’s a driver cutting you off,
a coworker speaking harshly, or a stranger’s angry outburst - pause and remind yourself:
This is their nature, their view, their storm, not my truth. Their actions tell
you about who they are, not who you are. The insult only sticks if you decide to carry it.
3. You Control Your Response, Not Their Action Marcus Aurelius puts it simply: “You have
power over your mind, not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.”
Marcus Aurelius ruled one of the largest empires in history, and his daily life was far from
peaceful. He faced political betrayal from trusted friends, invasions along the borders, and a deadly
plague that killed thousands. Senators plotted against him, allies turned away, and entire
provinces slipped into chaos. Yet when you read his private journal - now known as Meditations
- you don’t see anger or self-pity. Instead, you find steady reminders to himself: I cannot control
their actions. I can only control how I respond. When a general failed him, Marcus chose justice
and patience over rage. When crowds blamed him for famine or disease, he focused on solving
the problem rather than striking back. These notes weren’t speeches for the public. They were
personal exercises to keep his own mind steady. This discipline rests on a central Stoic idea
called the “dichotomy of control.” The principle is simple but powerful. Some things are fully in
your control - your thoughts, your choices, and the meaning you attach to events. Everything
else—other people’s moods, their insults, the twists of fortune - belongs to the
outside world. You can sometimes influence these things, but you cannot command them.
Imagine a colleague takes credit for your work in a meeting. Your first instinct might be to
snap or stew in anger, but their decision is already made. You can’t undo it. What you can do
is decide whether to stay calm, speak the truth later, or let your steady performance speak for
itself. Or think of a driver who cuts you off in traffic. You can’t control their behavior.
But you can decide whether to lean on the horn and carry that frustration all day, or take a breath,
notice that you arrived safely, and let it go. Marcus warned that when you react without
thought - when you let someone else’s behavior dictate your mood—you hand them control of your
inner life. The insult, the betrayal, the reckless driver: none of these can truly harm you unless
you allow them to. This isn’t about being numb. It’s about understanding that your mind is like
a fortress. Its walls are built from your ability to pause, think, and choose. Anger might knock
at the gate. Grief might pass by. You notice them, but you decide whether they come inside.
If someone insults you, it’s normal to feel that first sting of anger or hurt. Instead of
reacting immediately, pause and let the emotion settle. Then choose what makes sense. Maybe you
reply in a calm, steady voice if a response is needed. Maybe you say nothing at all and let the
moment pass. By stopping to choose, you stay in charge of yourself instead of letting the other
person decide how you feel or act. Whenever something provokes you,
take a single full breath and ask, Is this within my control? Their action? No. Your response?
Yes. Put your effort only where it matters. You can’t govern the world outside, but you
can always govern the world within - and that is a power no one can take from you.
4. Understand that Everything Is Fleeting Marcus Aurelius invites us to “Consider
how swiftly all things are swept along and disappear - things animate and inanimate.
The substance of the world is change, and the life of it is time, a flood,
a rushing stream. All that is born of the earth returns to the earth, and all that springs from
heaven returns again to the heavenly spheres.” Marcus constantly reminded himself that all
things pass. He ruled an empire, yet he knew that every triumph, every failure, even Rome itself,
would eventually fade. In Meditations he writes about the endless cycle of birth and death:
how the famous and the forgotten both vanish, how the names of once-great leaders are barely
remembered a generation later. This perspective kept him humble when praised and calm when
criticized. When a senator spread rumors or when crowds shouted blame, he would remind
himself how huge time really is—the great empires that existed before Rome and the many people who
would live after him. In that big picture, their harsh words felt tiny and short-lived.
Think about it: the people who offend you today will one day be gone, just as you
will. Their words, their judgments, even your own strong feelings will dissolve. The same is
true of praise. Compliments that once thrilled you—do they matter now? Yesterday’s victories,
yesterday’s embarrassments, all slip into the same quiet past.
Seeing life through this lens can soften almost any sting. If someone insults you, pause and
imagine the scene from far away. A year from now, will this matter? Ten years? A hundred? Likely it
will be nothing more than a forgotten moment in a forgotten day. Ask yourself, Will this still
matter when I am gone? Because when faced with that question most troubles shrink immediately.
When you see how brief every moment is, you can let go of petty worries and enjoy
the present without clinging. Praise, blame, misunderstanding—they are all just passing
clouds. You’re only here for a short time, so live it lightly, and let what is fleeting pass.
5. See yourself as part of a larger whole To quote Marcus Aurelius “All things are
interwoven, and the bond is holy; nothing is foreign to the whole.”
Marcus often reminded himself that he was just a small part of a vast, orderly universe. Even
as emperor, he knew he was not the center of everything, and the way others act did not
define him. In Stoic thinking, the universe is like a living body, guided by reason, and each
person is a part of it, playing their own role - whether they realize it or not. To explain this,
Marcus compares people to parts of the body. Each person is like a hand, a foot, or an organ. Just
as a hand sometimes fumbles or a foot trips, people make mistakes. One part failing doesn’t
give the others a reason to hate it. Likewise, when someone misbehaves or insults us, it is not
a personal attack - they are simply acting from their own knowledge, limits, and circumstances.
Getting angry at other people’s mistakes usually hurts us more than anyone else. Marcus compares it
to the left hand hating the right hand: the body suffers from conflict, but nothing is gained. When
we take offense at another person, we give away our calm and let outside forces control our mind.
In daily life, this shows up everywhere: a colleague misses a deadline, a partner
forgets something, or a stranger is rude online. Our first reaction may be irritation or anger.
From a Stoic perspective, these moments are chances to remind ourselves that the
person is like a hand out of step - not a personal attack. We can choose patience,
pause before reacting, think of the situation as part of a larger system, and remember that
everyone, including ourselves, makes mistakes. When you see yourself as part of a larger whole,
mistakes and slights feel less personal. You become less reactive, more compassionate,
and better able to focus on what really matters instead of being caught up in minor frustrations.
6. Focus on Your Own Virtue Marcus Aurelius teaches “If it is not right,
do not do it; if it is not true, do not say it. What happens beyond that is beyond your concern.”
For the Stoics, the only true good is virtue - our own character, judgments, and actions.
Everything outside of this - other people’s opinions, insults, mistakes, or even praise - is
indifferent. Marcus reminded himself that no one can harm his virtue; it exists entirely within his
own control. This insight is powerful because it frees the mind from unnecessary disturbance. If
someone criticizes you, mocks you, or behaves unfairly, their words or actions cannot touch
your inner goodness unless you allow them to. This perspective also invites a practical shift:
challenges and offenses are not threats - they are opportunities. A criticism, a harsh remark,
or a difficult situation becomes a chance to exercise patience, understanding, or detachment.
For example, if a coworker unfairly blames you for a mistake, instead of reacting with anger, you can
see it as training for patience. If a friend says something hurtful, you can practice compassion
by remembering that their comment reflects their own struggles, not your worth. As the Stoics say:
“The obstacle on the path becomes the path. Within every difficulty lies an opportunity to improve.”
So next time you face judgment online, workplace tension, or criticism from loved ones,
pause and ask yourself: How can I act virtuously in response? You might choose to respond calmly,
clarify the truth, or simply let it go without internalizing negativity. Journaling or reflecting
on these moments can strengthen your ability to see challenges as training rather than threats.
By focusing on your own virtue, you reclaim the only thing you truly control - your character.
External events, other people’s behavior, and fleeting opinions cannot harm you
unless you allow them to. 7. Reflect on Your Day
In our final quote from Marcus Aurelius for this video, he says “These are the characteristics
of the rational soul: self-awareness, self-examination, and self- determination.
It reaps its own harvest. . . . It succeeds in its own purpose . . .”
Marcus made it a habit to reflect on his day every evening. He would quietly review his
actions and thoughts, asking himself questions like: Did I let someone’s words disturb my calm?
Did I respond with patience and reason, or did I react from anger or pride? How can I do better
tomorrow? He didn’t do this to punish himself or dwell on mistakes, but to learn and to grow.
Criticism often triggers strong emotions. A colleague might blame you unfairly,
a friend might say something hurtful, or a stranger might judge you online. Our instinct
is usually to defend ourselves, to feel hurt, or to push back angrily. Aurelius’ reflection
practice helps you step back and see criticism in perspective. You begin to notice that criticism,
even when harsh or unjust, does not harm your character—only your response to it can.
For example, imagine your boss criticizes a report you worked hard on. In the moment, you might feel
frustrated or offended. Later, reflecting on it calmly, you can ask yourself: Was this personal?
Did it challenge my virtue or just my pride? Could I have used this as a chance to improve, learn,
or respond more patiently? By examining these moments, you train your mind to treat criticism
as information rather than as an attack. Take five to ten minutes at the end of
the day to quietly review moments when you felt criticized, judged, or challenged. Ask yourself:
What did I handle well? Where did my emotions get in the way? How could I respond more thoughtfully
next time? Writing your thoughts down in a journal helps you notice patterns, track progress,
and reinforce the habit of calm reflection. Over time, daily reflection changes how you
see criticism. You stop taking it as an attack. Instead of reacting right away, you stay calm.
Marcus Aurelius faced betrayal, blame, and the stress of ruling an empire, yet stayed steady.
If he could stay calm through that, we can train our minds to meet criticism with the same peace.
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