00:01.56
Talal K
Any questions before we do? Okay.

00:03.73
alexei sayle
and Now I'm sure I will have plenty of questions as we go at this moment in time now.

00:15.54
Talal K
We begin with a very expensive drone shot above the woods. It's a dark night and a dark road cuts through the forest like a meandering river.

00:33.32
Talal K
The bright lights of a Rover P10 or whatever it is used to drive pushes along between the dense forest's winding road. We cut down and we see ah youngish Alexei Sayles steering his flashy yet unreliable machine through the night.

00:53.68
Talal K
His face is contorted in angry recounting of the meeting he is speeding away from and frustrated realisation of all the things he should have said. He is on his way back from dinner with his manager about his upcoming tour.

01:09.33
Talal K
But why the fuck did his manager insist on dining at the obese mallard located in the heart of Herefordshire just to let him know that the showroom gig would be at 8.30 instead of eight pm This could have been ah fucking phone call.

01:26.98
Talal K
Ah, well, better try to relax. Let's turn on the radio.

01:33.74
Talal K
Good evening, it's Halloween and you're listening to Late Nights on BBC Herefordshire and coming up next is the hit on everyone's lips. It's been the sensation of the nation, breaking all sorts of records as it now sits at number one for 85 consecutive weeks.

01:51.01
Talal K
I don't even need to tell you its name, let's just listen to it again, shall we? but Hello, John, got a new moat? Ah! Hello, John, got a new moat? Ah! Got three lungs and a Bible.

02:02.67
Talal K
Got three lungs and a Bible. Alexi, we zoom in on your face. This is you. It's sometime in the mid-80s. um How are you feeling? What you wearing?

02:14.89
Talal K
What are you looking like?

02:17.90
alexei sayle
um

02:20.60
alexei sayle
think I'd be playing a bigger gig than Shoreham if I'd been number one for 85 weeks. ah Lovely venue that it is. ah What would I be wearing? in ah i think it was probably before I sort of got into the ninety s i see I got into Armani when they opened the Armani. And I was thin at that point, thinnish.

02:49.14
alexei sayle
I was able to fit into it. But before then,

02:55.46
alexei sayle
when they opened Emporio Armani, I was a big customer of them. ah Me and Alan Yentop, the late Alan Yentop, in our deconstructed suits.

03:09.73
alexei sayle
ah Before then, i don't know, really. don't know. ah but yeah I had a tailor, actually. I did have a tailor, so I might have had a suit on.

03:20.70
Talal K
Really?

03:21.63
alexei sayle
Yeah, Sherlock Hart, he was called. um And he was a very good tailor. ah So some of my... I might have had But just my... eyes I realised, the reason I started to go into Emporia Harmonica is I realised even if you tell a tailor, you know, ask a tailor to make you suit, so your ideas are less...

03:40.69
alexei sayle
and ah less are less good than Giorgio Armani so you know I just I just got this guy to make me a lot of really quite banal suits but let's say I would be wearing a suit in um what you call it um Prince of Wales check uh and a three button top as polo shirt and uh

04:08.31
alexei sayle
Shoes from um where I get my my hair cut now is beneath John Rushton's shoes in, I think it's in Wimpole Street.

04:08.58
Talal K
You've...

04:18.99
alexei sayle
This is going to lose us. I mean, I don't know which is going to lose us.

04:21.38
Talal K
You've got into so much dick-tank.

04:22.36
alexei sayle
More listeners, is is is this stupid storyline or this what you've asked me. But as soon as you ask me, my excuse ah my shoes would have come from John Rushton in, in where was he?

04:28.82
Talal K
Hey, you haven't heard the storyline yet. The storyline hasn't started.

04:35.84
alexei sayle
He was in Brewer Street then.

04:38.24
Talal K
Yeah, we get a nice close-up shot of your foot pushing down on the pedal see as you change into sixth gear.

04:41.50
alexei sayle
Very nice. Very nice shoes.

04:44.99
Talal K
um You've got some stuff.

04:45.40
alexei sayle
And now it's an automatic. There's a P5B, just to correct it's P5B and it had a three-speed Borg Warner and automatic gearbox.

04:51.64
Talal K
Sure.

04:54.86
Talal K
um You do have some like belongings with you, um some you a day bag or What would you normally carry your stuff around? a backpack or a little briefcase or what what would you have?

05:02.94
alexei sayle
I think I just put that stuff in my pocket so that they bulged um and unattractively. ah don't I never never won for for a handbag or a briefcase. or Angus Deaton was an early adopter of the sort of European man bag, I remember.

05:22.14
Talal K
What do they call a valise or?

05:24.00
alexei sayle
No, it was just a sort of handbag, but for men. Looked like a kind of washing bag or something. If you fly business class on Emirates, they give you like a free immunity kit.

05:33.32
Talal K
Right. um So. hu What we're doing here, listeners, this is we're playing like a D&D light with Alexei Sale, all right?

05:39.53
alexei sayle
This is kind of, yeah. I would have switched off by now, yeah.

05:42.03
Talal K
I've like, Trim, we're not playing with the full 5e rules. I'm not going make him roll 100 million dice, um kind of simplifying the rules of D&D, but we're going to do a bit of role play with Alexei here.

05:45.99
alexei sayle
D&D, Jugs and Dragons.

05:51.28
alexei sayle
Okay. Okay.

05:53.87
alexei sayle
Okay.

05:54.05
Talal K
um Hello, John, got a new mode. Ah! Hello, John, got a new mode. Ah! ah The car starts sputtering. The lights flicker and then turn off as you roll to a gentle stop.

06:09.31
Talal K
Surrounded by darkness and dense forest. Was that a distant howling you heard? so Surely not, um... Alexi, you're alone and lost.

06:22.63
Talal K
Well, maybe not lost, you might know where you are, but you're in the middle of the deepest woods, darkest woods in your Vauxhall 9F5.

06:31.30
alexei sayle
Rover P5B Coupe, get it right, cunt.

06:33.23
Talal K
What do you do?

06:36.08
alexei sayle
ah Well, I guess this is before mobile phones. What year is this?

06:40.45
Talal K
This is in the 80s,

06:43.40
alexei sayle
there might have had a mobile phone, which I'd just ring up and help.

06:47.27
Talal K
No, you don't.

06:48.20
alexei sayle
I don't have a mobile phone.

06:48.95
Talal K
No, I rolled a dice and you don't have one.

06:51.48
alexei sayle
Um... ah

06:53.88
Talal K
It's the 80s.

06:55.04
alexei sayle
Right, so the cars run out of... I guess I'd get out. but You'd have to get out and walk, wouldn't you? i mean, it's something that did happen with the rover, so it's not an entirely unfamiliar experience.

07:06.61
Talal K
Mm-hmm. getting out and...

07:08.43
alexei sayle
You'd have to get out and walk either to a habitation, you know, that you'd passed or...

07:15.09
Talal K
Okay.

07:15.64
alexei sayle
forward if you knew actually I'd have a map because in those days we used have used to carry ah ah road map so I would have consult the road map to see where the nearest habitation is right

07:22.40
Talal K
Mmm.

07:25.78
Talal K
Nice. Okay. The car is completely dead, so the lights aren't working, but it is a bright full moon. So you grab your map and the loose stuff that might have fallen out your pocket, you'd stuff it back in your pockets of your suit and you step out.

07:41.35
alexei sayle
right

07:44.13
Talal K
When you step out of the Rover 226 or whatever, you hear the footsteps approaching.

07:48.44
alexei sayle
B5B Coupe.

07:50.79
Talal K
You hear footsteps approaching.

07:52.07
alexei sayle
Yeah.

07:53.57
Talal K
As they get closer, the light of the full moon reveals the silhouette of a man in a long coat, dress shoes and a fedora. He seems to be compensating for something.

08:06.37
Talal K
He's four foot nine inches tall.

08:06.70
alexei sayle
Jerry Satterwitz.

08:09.77
alexei sayle
Oh, no.

08:11.69
Talal K
You're right, mate. You seem more stuck than a bachelor's favourite magazine, if you know what I mean. Not me, of course. I'm normally swatting away the birds like a pegasus's tail.

08:22.88
Talal K
I'm Mike, by the way. Ooh, is that a Rover T-1000 or whatever? Lovely bit of kit, that.

08:29.07
alexei sayle
P5 Coupe.

08:29.88
Talal K
Only one thing gets that moving again. A push start from a hippie. Lucky for you, i got just the thing. Mike turns to the camera with a wink and and whistles in a really cool way.

08:43.85
Talal K
And out of the bushes appears a gangly, grey-clad hippie. And starts walking towards you.

08:55.72
Talal K
And he says, man plants the seed, God grows the seed, then man eats the seed. But like, in this instance, man, I'm man.

09:07.79
Talal K
And like, you're the seed, man. The hippie opens his mouth wide to reveal two enormous fangs before lunging for you.

09:18.43
Talal K
What do you Alexei?

09:21.66
alexei sayle
um

09:24.33
alexei sayle
Oh, Christ.

09:28.81
Talal K
well

09:29.91
alexei sayle
Nothing. Just, you know. um Well, in real life, do I consult? Well, actually, you this, as I detailed the last series, how about this was when i'd still carried you I still carried a knife, so I'd stab Nigel with a knife, which something I've often wanted to do anyway, really.

09:49.35
Talal K
it's

09:51.80
Talal K
It's Neil, not Nigel.

09:55.16
alexei sayle
Nigel would insist they are one and the same.

09:55.47
Talal K
Okay.

09:58.39
Talal K
Okay. You're going to attack Neil slash Nigel with a knife, yeah?

10:02.88
alexei sayle
Yeah.

10:03.50
Talal K
Okay, amazing. I've got a 20-sided die here. I'm going to roll to attack, okay?

10:07.04
alexei sayle
Okay. Yeah.

10:10.27
Talal K
um I'm going to say you have to beat a 13, okay? to hit him, okay? Otherwise it's gonna he's gonna dodge it or something. But you get to add four to your knife attack.

10:23.31
Talal K
So here we go, rolling the dice. You rolled a 19, plus four, 23. Okay, you lunge at Neil and you stab him with this knife.

10:33.13
alexei sayle
All right.

10:33.40
Talal K
um And he shrieks, a massive shriek, okay? And you've really, you've you've done some real damage to him. um And he's, he's yeah, he's he's nearly dead, but he's not giving up.

10:43.76
alexei sayle
Good.

10:46.96
Talal K
He's going to try and bite you still. He's coming at you for your lifeblood. He's going to roll to hit you. He rolled a seven, Alexei. How do you deflect or or dodge or what do you do to evade this coming bite attack?

11:01.93
alexei sayle
Um. I don't know, sideways step.

11:07.45
Talal K
Sideways step. And i assume you go for another stab as you dodge.

11:10.58
alexei sayle
Yeah.

11:11.15
Talal K
Yeah, let's let's roll to attack this one. Okay, that's a 10 plus three, 13. 13 is what you needed to beat him. You strike a killing blow at Neil the vampire.

11:22.06
alexei sayle
Right. This is what you spend evenings doing, isn't it, with your friends.

11:28.71
Talal K
Quite often, yes.

11:32.50
alexei sayle
ah good Good. No, that's good for you. Well done. Good for you.

11:42.21
Talal K
Oh, you don't know what's in store yet. You'll see. ah Okay, as soon as this as soon as you strike the killing blow on Neil.

11:46.08
alexei sayle
I think I do.

11:51.34
alexei sayle
We can't do this for our podcast. Are you envisaging this goes on for the whole podcast?

11:55.53
Talal K
Yeah, we've got 15 more minutes. You strike the killing blow.

11:58.19
alexei sayle
ah't you know as ah I also don't, you know, I don't believe in Halloween myself. You know, I see it as an American import. You know, it's another aspect of consumer capitalism, really, so I don't... Anyway, carry on. Go

12:13.30
Talal K
Some of the greatest horror writers are British and they did it before, you know, um it's nothing to do with Halloween.

12:18.68
alexei sayle
Yeah, and no, horror is all right.

12:20.79
Talal K
they've They're still doing horror.

12:21.13
alexei sayle
I know, but...

12:22.80
Talal K
And this is just, it's autumn, the leaves are falling, the nights are darker and longer.

12:22.92
alexei sayle
but

12:28.72
Talal K
So it's a good time for spooky shit, whether it's Halloween or not.

12:30.56
alexei sayle
So this isn't your Halloween, this isn't our Halloween special then.

12:34.54
Talal K
What should we just call it? The Alexi horror special. You just... though

12:38.54
alexei sayle
But no, I like, man I mean, don't mind, you know, mean, I don't mind calling it Halloween special. I just want to emphasize my my disagreements with my, my ideological disagreements with Halloween.

12:56.49
Talal K
this This is going really well.

12:58.31
alexei sayle
yeah.

12:58.43
Talal K
As soon as you strike the killing blow on Neil, he lets out an ear-splitting shriek and he crumbles into a pile of dust. Okay?

13:09.41
Talal K
And you think maybe, maybe you see the fluttering of leathery wings in the night some around you, but for a moment, there is still.

13:09.55
alexei sayle
I think

13:21.51
Talal K
And in that moment,

13:25.54
Talal K
is that?

13:25.70
alexei sayle
think it was a lot more to me that way as well than the young ones and you know, I let John Garton you know, why are you locating it in my in my past?

13:37.43
alexei sayle
What, you know. um Anyway, go on. Just say there's more to me than this, listeners.

13:44.61
Talal K
It's mainly because i i wanted I wanted the car to be in it, mainly.

13:44.92
alexei sayle
yeah did I went at P5B Coupe. Get fucking right, then, what it is.

13:54.12
alexei sayle
um It was very nice gig in Bristol on Tuesday.

13:59.99
Talal K
Yeah, it was a Halloween gig, wasn't it?

14:00.37
alexei sayle
Everybody's very excited. Was it? i might have been Yeah, it might have been advertised. as i didn't get i didn't I didn't explain my ideological objections. to them but It was very nice. It was very exciting.

14:11.54
alexei sayle
But they um if anybody's listening, that i left my scarf there, which is a nice green kefir that Lisa brought me in and Morocco. so anybody I left it in the sort of dressing room area underneath a kind of metal thing.

14:26.34
Talal K
My friend is but it was working up there. I'll ask him if they can recover it for you.

14:31.01
alexei sayle
Yeah.

14:31.05
Talal K
Can you move your phone away from your mic, please? It's creating a buzzing.

14:36.50
Talal K
Thank you.

14:36.90
alexei sayle
and Okay. It was very nice.

14:37.74
Talal K
All right.

14:38.42
alexei sayle
Very nice. Okay. and but

14:40.03
Talal K
Back into the scene. In that moment, Neil crumbles into dust and Mike falls to his knees, grabbing his head. right? Looks like it's agony, but actually, you see, it might be relief.

14:53.14
Talal K
Yeah, he says, ah thank you, Jertsy, I mean, Alexei, you've released me from that wicked vampire's spell. You see, I'm actually a vampire hunter who's been enthralled by Neil for many years, and I've been forced to find him prey like yourself against my wishes, but now I can finally die in peace or just run away or something, depending on

15:15.81
alexei sayle
This is sort of like, I mean, does this replicate this is what you do, this sort of dungs dunge people, dungeons and dragons.

15:21.62
Talal K
Yeah, but I'm rarely the dungeon master. I'm normally one of the players.

15:24.33
alexei sayle
This is the level of storytelling, is it, that you...

15:26.79
Talal K
This was a bit unnecessary, all this exposition, because this doesn't come back again at all. um

15:31.86
alexei sayle
Oh, great. So you've wasted, I mean, the few people who've stuck with this, you've wasted their time even more.

15:37.72
Talal K
but I can finally die in peace, like a hairdresser in Iceland.

15:38.87
alexei sayle
Profoundly. i

15:41.41
Talal K
You know, because hairdressers dye hair and Iceland is historically peaceful. um he ah He scrawls something on a bit of paper and hands it to you. goes, here, there's a place not too far.

15:53.09
Talal K
Actually, you've got a map in your hand. He points at the map. yeah There's a place not too far where you can make a phone call. ah Godspeed, Alexei.

16:00.19
alexei sayle
Maybe a phone box in those days, wouldn't it?

16:02.28
Talal K
um And he points at your map. And you see that there is and a nearby castle. And it's called Castle Definitely Not Spooky.

16:16.16
Talal K
And he falls and he passes out on the floor.

16:18.81
alexei sayle
Okay.

16:20.01
Talal K
What do you do?

16:23.28
alexei sayle
Well, I don't know.

16:26.02
Talal K
So you're...

16:26.92
alexei sayle
I mean, i do i'd rather find a phone box, really. Why can't I just find a village and then in those days a village would have a phone box?

16:34.96
Talal K
So ah there is a village, but it is past the castle.

16:35.10
alexei sayle
Right.

16:39.52
Talal K
There is a ah hill with a castle on top and on the other side of that hill is a village.

16:40.26
alexei sayle
Right.

16:46.91
Talal K
um And then you've got, you're surrounded by like woods for miles and miles in every other direction. Okay.

16:54.11
alexei sayle
All I'll go to the castle then. Yeah. yeah

16:57.89
Talal K
All right. You're walking through the woods, you go to the castle.

17:02.13
alexei sayle
Yeah.

17:02.23
Talal K
so Okay. um Do you want to...

17:06.62
alexei sayle
And the John Rushton shoes from Brewer Street.

17:09.32
Talal K
who So what, you're carefully staying on the road so that it's not to get them muddy?

17:14.06
alexei sayle
No, they're sturdy shoes.

17:14.24
Talal K
Okay.

17:17.13
alexei sayle
i was in the screen I was in a Screen 2 called Night Voice. It's one of the better things I did.

17:25.19
Talal K
Yeah, people like that.

17:26.12
alexei sayle
i Yeah, I had um the shoes I had were a sort of crackle crackle leather from John. I think they were John Rush. Anyway, so I liked the shoes, so I kept them.

17:38.58
Talal K
Okay, they let you keep them.

17:39.14
alexei sayle
I don't know they did, but I bought identical pair.

17:44.80
Talal K
um You go to the castle. All right, you approach the castle, ah ah panting a bit because it's big uphill climb. And then um you approach and you look up to see its cracked tower and way too many gargoyles.

17:59.24
Talal K
Flickering lights glow from within the many windows and poison ivy scrambles up the deteriorating brickwork. Large wooden doors, large wooden doors face you ah with a dangling chain beside the doors.

18:09.44
alexei sayle
don't think we have poison ivy in this country.

18:20.65
Talal K
With like a handle at the bottom of the chain.

18:23.43
alexei sayle
I'll pull the chain then.

18:25.08
Talal K
Ding dong. the doors creak open and ah butler greets you with a wide, rotten grin.

18:36.58
Talal K
oh Ah, Alexis Ale, we've been expecting you. Please enter. And he leads you in to a large foyer.

18:48.18
Talal K
Foyer or foyer? Foyer, right?

18:51.19
alexei sayle
or you could say Foye I don't know there's this you know I often people who speak Spanish probably the phrase I often say in my mind is matame ahora kill me now kill me now

18:54.06
Talal K
Foyer.

19:05.20
Talal K
What does that mean? Shut up.

19:13.07
Talal K
You're in this large foyer and there's a huge chandelier, you know, two grand stone staircases leading in to your left and to your right. And there's another set of big double doors. Yeah.

19:24.63
Talal K
um God, your phone is buzzing, buzzing, buzzing into the mic.

19:29.25
alexei sayle
It's quite a way away. I'm just charging. Well, it's charged. Is that any better?

19:35.45
Talal K
Okay. Yeah, thank you. um yeah My name is Butler, played by Stephen Fry. Well, you are positively...

19:44.18
alexei sayle
Fuck, this gets worse. Yeah, go on.

19:45.40
Talal K
You're positively drenched. Oh, yeah, it's been raining this whole time. You must be freezing. um Please. ah Warm yourself by the fire while I fetch you some dry clothes and hot tea.

19:57.33
Talal K
Feel free to use the telephone, of course. They're both just through there. He gestures gestures towards the double doors and he bows and he leads through a small side door.

20:09.74
Talal K
All right, what do you do, Alexei?

20:12.91
alexei sayle
Well, I have no reason to. I mean, at this point, i don't know that Stephen Fry had many reasons to hate me. There's more now. ah So ah why wouldn't I just go and use the phone?

20:28.11
Talal K
Right, great, you enter the parlor, all right? The doors open and you hear, surprise! There's a large group of people in there and they cheer and they raise their glasses.

20:38.77
Talal K
And there's a big banner that unfurls from the ceiling. ah It says, ah welcome, Alexei Sale, to your party. And...

20:46.74
alexei sayle
yeah they've So that's just so they've they've gone to trouble. like like I didn't have a manager, but that's they they' gone what they' they've arranged for this pointless meeting with me and my manager, and then they sabotaged my car near this castle.

21:00.23
Talal K
Mmm, maybe, yeah.

21:01.86
alexei sayle
In all, just just have to hold this party, it seems seems unnecessarily baroque of i my friends.

21:07.11
Talal K
Seems what?

21:11.23
Talal K
Mmm.

21:12.74
alexei sayle
Okay, I'll go with it.

21:13.41
Talal K
Your friends, huh? Surprise!

21:14.88
alexei sayle
Yeah.

21:15.95
Talal K
Yeah, and this group of people all cheering, some poppers go off, yeah? And a young Jeremy Corbyn. and um approaches you with them two people called Mr. and Mrs. Sultana.

21:27.54
Talal K
um They step forward and they welcome you. yeah they And Corbyn reaches out gives you a gift of of homemade jam. And he says, welcome, Alexei, this is your party.

21:39.81
Talal K
Welcome to your party. We only threw this party

21:41.98
alexei sayle
you know you You know, I'm never letting you do this ever again, but yeah.

21:44.75
Talal K
We only threw this party for you. In about 40 years, we're going to invite everyone else, but it all starts here with you, Alexi, because this is your party, Alexi.

21:53.11
alexei sayle
Right.

21:56.79
Talal K
Welcome.

21:57.17
alexei sayle
Right.

21:57.86
Talal K
And people are shoving drinks in your hands, patting you on the back. um And everyone kind of has this like glazed look in their eyes. And everyone's like, welcome to your party, Alexis. Welcome to your party, Alexis. said Welcome, Alexis.

22:12.71
Talal K
um And you're surrounded by this group of people and celebrations. And you can hear music playing and ah the music's like, hello, John got a new moat. Ah!

22:23.46
Talal K
Hello, John got a new moat. Ah! You know, ah got in 40 years, I'll have a podcast. In 40 years, I'll have a podcast. What do you do, Alexis?

22:34.47
alexei sayle
What do I... Apart from killing myself, what... What... What... ah

22:43.02
Talal K
So you can remember, you can like talk to people you can ask people questions, you can ah you can like examine things or examine your surroundings, you can interact with objects, you can can go anywhere you like.

22:56.06
alexei sayle
um

22:56.31
Talal K
so It's your playground to play in.

22:58.90
alexei sayle
Right. Okay, I'll leave.

23:06.72
alexei sayle
can i leave

23:09.46
Talal K
yeah Everyone's kind of like got this glazed look in their eyes and they watch you as you slowly back out of the room. And this party like is kicking off and it was Alexi, Alexi, where are you going? And you slowly just kind of close the doors until the noises are just like muffled behind these big wooden doors.

23:29.02
Talal K
Now you're in the foyer. There's two staircases.

23:31.83
alexei sayle
Where's the phone? Have I used the phone yet?

23:33.76
Talal K
The phone was in the parlor. You've just left the parlor.

23:36.56
alexei sayle
Oh, can I go back in and use the phone then?

23:38.79
Talal K
Okay, cool, you take a moment to gather yourself, take a deep breath, and go back into the party. And they all go, surprise!

23:43.96
alexei sayle
Yeah,

23:45.71
Talal K
Surprise! And Jeremy Corbyn comes up to you, gives you a jar of jam. Welcome to your party, Alexis L. In 40 years, we're going to invite everyone else, but for now, this is your party.

23:52.49
alexei sayle
yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

23:55.94
Talal K
Welcome.

23:57.10
alexei sayle
Yeah, so was just using the phone, thanks.

23:59.29
Talal K
Oh! You need the telephone. Of course, Alexei, come follow me.

24:01.23
alexei sayle
Yeah.

24:02.70
Talal K
And he guides you through the parlor, through the people. like, mind out, the VIP needs a telephone. he pushes everyone to the side and he leads you to the fireplace on the back side of the parlor.

24:14.24
Talal K
He goes, to use the phone, Alexei, all you have to do is run as fast as you can through the fireplace. And it's like a big fireplace. It's not like a small, you know, suburban, this is a mansion, huge fireplace.

24:26.84
alexei sayle
There.

24:27.79
Talal K
And he's like, you have to trust. the the party, Alexi, you have to trust me and and just, if you run full pelt into that fireplace, I promise you, you will emerge in the other side where there is a telephone that you can use.

24:41.45
alexei sayle
I know the 80s were a long time ago, but you didn't have to run through a fireplace just to use a phone. It was a lot simpler.

24:47.10
Talal K
There's something weird about it, but you you do you want to roll an insight check.

24:49.05
alexei sayle
Yeah. All right. Yeah, yeah no'll I'll run through the fireplace.

24:53.51
Talal K
You're gonna run through it, okay?

24:53.92
alexei sayle
Let's get this over with.

24:54.79
Talal K
You have your faith, put your faith in Jeremy.

24:57.36
alexei sayle
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

24:58.07
Talal K
And you run ah full pelt into the fireplace. And as you're approaching the fire, you kind of close your eyes and shield them. But you kind of feel this whoosh. And then suddenly the sound is gone and the air is now quite cold.

25:13.16
Talal K
And you open your eyes and you find yourself in this stone room

25:20.65
alexei sayle
Nobody's going to be listening to this by now. there was guy would Go on.

25:22.48
Talal K
i And you find yourself in this stone cold room with a stone slab in the middle. And there's like ah candles placed strategically around the room, maybe in some sort of like pentagram shape or something.

25:37.98
alexei sayle
Thinking of getting my flu jab today.

25:40.30
Talal K
And then you hear this.

25:42.21
alexei sayle
That'll be a high spot

25:45.93
Talal K
You, uh,.

25:48.04
alexei sayle
of my day.

25:53.80
Talal K
there's ah ah the smell of like incense and and sage in the air. You turn back to look behind you and the fireplace is kind of just more of a fire pit now with like this cauldron hanging above it and this weird green bubbling liquid in there.

26:09.46
Talal K
And you see Jeremy, he he comes through behind you, comes out of the fire, walks out and joins you in this room.

26:09.67
alexei sayle
Did Jeremy lie to me then that the film...

26:17.73
Talal K
And he... and he He explains, you know, Alexei, we are planning to change this country for the better, to to bring to bring justice and peace and social equality to our country.

26:33.47
Talal K
But we need you first, yeah? We need your help and your sacrifice. And he gestures towards the stone slab and these three ah hooded, these three hooded

26:43.44
alexei sayle
That wasn't what I agreed to. just wanted to use the phone.

26:48.02
Talal K
Of course, of course, Alexi, you have to help us first.

26:48.68
alexei sayle
That's not my agreement. All right.

26:50.39
Talal K
And then, of course, you can use the phone, but we just need your help first, dear Alexi.

26:53.34
alexei sayle
you that's not why that's not ice agreement

26:58.18
Talal K
I understand that, Alexi, but you you see, you have to behave for the many, not not for the you. You know, you you need to you need to sacrifice in order for the betterment of of everyone's lives.

27:09.01
alexei sayle
If I like go along with this, will it end sooner? Is there a way to make it end like sooner? Does it was always take the time, does it?

27:14.56
Talal K
It's a possibility. It's a very stark possibility, of course. ah He gestures over to the to the stone slab and there's three hooded figures stood around it and they turn over and you see these, all you can say is witches, you know, big warty noses, big pointy chins. yeah And you see these three witches played by French and Saunders.

27:35.03
Talal K
And... um

27:36.39
alexei sayle
Ruby wax.

27:37.29
Talal K
They, oh, that's good. I was struggling to think of a third. um They speak, ah they they they agree with Germany. They say, yes, we have had a warning from the future. the do Which voice?

27:49.45
Talal K
Ah, Alexei, we've had a warning from the future. This party depends on your sacrifice. You see, your party is hopeful. Your party is great, but there'll be a blunder and it'll all be too late.

28:04.17
Talal K
But there is hope to get it back on its feet. If on this fateful night, our ritual is complete. You see, there's only one thing that unites us, Alexis Ayl.

28:15.31
Talal K
It's not class or ideology, colour, creed or roots.

28:18.40
alexei sayle
Oh, dear God.

28:19.00
Talal K
The only thing that unites us is, you fat bastard! And they toyin at turn and point at you. And Jeremy grabs you by the arms and starts pushing you towards the stone slab.

28:30.85
Talal K
Yeah?

28:31.66
alexei sayle
Okay.

28:31.76
Talal K
He says... The witches require your blood, Alexei, I'm sorry about this, to unite the people, for you are the chosen one. You represent the workers and the bourgeois, the peaceful and the warriors, the ignorant and the intelligent.

28:46.68
Talal K
Yours is the only soul that can adapt to all these communities and lead them to a united future. But first, these witches just have to drain all of your blood in a really excruciating manner and place a drop of it into each pot noodle across the land.

29:00.62
Talal K
and he shoves you onto this slab. um what What do you do? What do you want to do? You've got these three witches coming at you.

29:06.76
alexei sayle
You know, a lot of people sort of depend on this is you know depend on this podcast with their mental, you know, it keeps them going, really. Are you happy putting them through

29:17.53
Talal K
It's not, it's Halloween.

29:21.84
Talal K
It's a fun story.

29:21.95
alexei sayle
um suppose they can have a week off.

29:22.72
Talal K
Mm-hmm.

29:24.25
alexei sayle
um What do I do? ah Well, I'm not going to let French and Saunders and Ruby wax. I can't believe I'm getting drawn into this. But I mean, I'm not going to let French and Saunders Ruby wax.

29:39.28
alexei sayle
Drain my blood, am I, really?

29:41.06
Talal K
Probably smart, yeah.

29:42.84
alexei sayle
So I resist.

29:44.78
Talal K
Okay. um If you see on your character sheet there, um I gave you a quarter staff.

29:52.49
alexei sayle
Oh, yeah, okay.

29:53.99
Talal K
We've established you have a knife as well.

29:56.40
alexei sayle
Yeah.

29:56.57
Talal K
um But, um what so you yeah, you've got these ah people around you. So what are you going to do to resist? You have to describe what you're going to do.

30:08.44
alexei sayle
Brush their brains out with me stuff.

30:11.36
Talal K
Amazing. right. Sick. I'm going to roll two dice. going to do it because you're going to do a double attack. All right.

30:17.80
alexei sayle
Who invented all this? I mean, does it have a history?

30:20.80
Talal K
Yeah, a guy called Gary Gygax back in the, Guy Gygax, I think that's his name, name yeah, back in the 70s and changed a lot of people's lives forever.

30:21.20
alexei sayle
It's nonsense, wasn't it? Gary Igex, yeah. Guy Gax. Yeah.

30:31.44
Talal K
A lot of lonely nerds who didn't have confidence or friends found you know community in getting together and creating these fantasy worlds loosely based on the ah works of J.R.R.

30:44.29
Talal K
Tolkien and

30:45.12
alexei sayle
Well, how did he, prosrate I mean, how did he spread the word?

30:48.65
Talal K
He published a book called the um the Dungeon Master's Guide and the Player's Handbook and the Monster Manual. So three books and people could buy these books and learn the rules of the games.

30:59.31
Talal K
And there was like a character sheet on the back page that you could copy and make up your characters.

31:03.68
alexei sayle
And then people started meeting IRL and playing these games.

31:06.94
Talal K
This was, yeah, exactly, yeah, before the digital revolution, the people would meet in real life and actually play games together in a room, in a shared space, normally in a garage or a basement or something.

31:14.92
alexei sayle
Right.

31:18.82
Talal K
and

31:20.22
alexei sayle
Their mother's basement where they all live.

31:21.64
Talal K
Yeah, and the game has evolved over the years.

31:26.55
alexei sayle
Are there conventions now?

31:26.57
Talal K
is a There are huge conventions and

31:29.23
alexei sayle
I feel like Shahada Zahd's just asking questions to keep going.

31:33.05
Talal K
there doesn't even need to be, they don't even, and now it's gone beyond, know, having to be set in the fantasy kind of Lord of the Rings kind of world. As you can see, you can just set it in the real world. You can create horror worlds.

31:44.32
Talal K
There's like sci-fi versions of it. Um, And it's a really cool way for people to be creative and tell stories together. And people get really attached to their characters as well. I have about three characters that I'm playing at the moment in various games.

31:59.90
Talal K
And ah look it's a very popular ah IP. Did you see the Dungeons and Dragons movie that came out a couple years ago? It's surprising.

32:09.32
alexei sayle
Sadly, I didn't know. Tell me about it.

32:11.09
Talal K
It's really good. It's just a cool fantasy story, but it's surprisingly good. Yeah.

32:15.35
alexei sayle
and just takes the Duncans and Dragons IP intellectual property.

32:18.25
Talal K
Yeah. Yeah.

32:20.42
alexei sayle
And who was in it?

32:24.55
Talal K
Chris Pine.

32:26.29
alexei sayle
Oh, yeah, one of the Chris's, one of the many Chris's. Oh,

32:28.27
Talal K
ah That lady from ah Fast and the Furious, the really cool Latina lady, Gonzalez.

32:33.64
alexei sayle
don't know.

32:36.18
Talal K
And this like British boy who's from some British sci-fi show. It's cool story.

32:47.80
alexei sayle
Okay. Okay.

32:48.27
Talal K
ah Speaking of cool stories, you lash out with your quarterstaff and you strike ah two of the witches in front of you and you hit one of them. You hit one of them pretty damn hard. Okay. And she's like knocked out on the floor.

33:01.35
Talal K
Okay. For every time you get an action, they're going to get an action. ah So you've knocked out one of the witches. ah Okay. Let's say it was Saunders. Okay. She's sprawled out on the floor.

33:10.63
alexei sayle
okay

33:10.74
Talal K
ah Jeremy now hardens his grip on your shoulders and shoves you over to this ah a stone slab and you you see some chains and handcuffs.

33:11.56
alexei sayle
no

33:19.63
Talal K
They want they want to strap you to this thing. Okay, so Jeremy's going to do a strength check with this yellow die and you're going roll a contested strength check with this black die we're going to see who's stronger.

33:31.43
Talal K
Okay. um You fucking smash him. Jeremy's not a big guy. He's very brawny.

33:37.83
alexei sayle
She's wiry.

33:38.74
Talal K
He's wiry. And you like shrug him off with with your shoulder and he gets pushed back.

33:40.43
alexei sayle
Very fit.

33:43.89
Talal K
So now it's your turn to attack again. All right. going attack with your quarterstaff again. ah Let's see how many people you knock out. and Again, you just hit one person.

33:54.79
Talal K
ah Let's say it's Jeremy because he's been grabbing you and that. So you turn around. You try to hit one of the witches. She does like a matrix backwards leaning dodge, but then you spin and knock Jeremy clean out.

34:07.58
Talal K
um His trifocals go flying across the room. um And you are left with two witches who are going to...

34:15.96
alexei sayle
So how to how does theseing how can these things end? It seems like it's going on.

34:20.50
Talal K
This story has an ending. Don't worry.

34:22.10
alexei sayle
ah it does have an ending.

34:22.69
Talal K
Okay.

34:22.98
alexei sayle
All right.

34:23.09
Talal K
I've written something called a one shot. Normally when you play D&D, you play a campaign, which is an ongoing saga that goes for some people have played the same campaign for like 40 years with their same group of friends.

34:28.62
alexei sayle
Yeah, Christ.

34:33.34
Talal K
This is called a one shot. It's got a beginning, middle and an end.

34:36.40
alexei sayle
Okay. Well, maybe it's maybe sure we get we could get to the end faster if I just cooperate.

34:37.34
Talal K
Okay.

34:44.19
Talal K
Yeah, that's a big part of it.

34:44.88
alexei sayle
by being held hostage.

34:48.48
Talal K
The witch misses you. She comes at you with a claw attack and tries to ah scratch you in the face, ah but she misses. The other witch comes at you too. She rolled a three as well. She misses too. They're not very deft.

35:00.77
Talal K
ah So I'm assuming you're going to attack again with your quarterstaff.

35:03.96
alexei sayle
Yeah, yeah.

35:04.39
Talal K
Let's hope both die. Roll.

35:05.97
alexei sayle
um Yeah, I'm, yeah.

35:06.86
Talal K
Let's hope both dies.

35:07.09
alexei sayle
That's what I'm going to do, yeah.

35:08.69
Talal K
you want to describe a cool move you're going to

35:10.31
alexei sayle
No, not me.

35:11.37
Talal K
Okay. um Oh, again, only one hits. Okay. ah Ruby Wax goes flying across the room. ah You do this crotch strike and send a launcher up into the air.

35:24.67
Talal K
um And it's just you and Dawn French now. She's going to come at you with her claws. She rolls a nat 20, Alexei. alexi That's pretty bad.

35:35.08
alexei sayle
Oh, yes, in every in every possible way, yes.

35:35.23
Talal K
She rolled a 20. On a 20-sided die, she rolled a 20. That's a pretty... She's going to get double damage on this attack, okay? um So...

35:44.26
alexei sayle
If I just died, if I just killed myself, would that end the game?

35:47.68
Talal K
That's true, yeah, yeah. But you wouldn't do that. You don't want to be defeated. You want to win, don't you?

35:51.42
alexei sayle
I'm getting close.

35:52.38
Talal K
Don't you have a competitive spirit?

35:52.80
alexei sayle
Well, I do, but it's hanging on by a thread at the moment.

35:58.09
Talal K
Dawn French claws at your face, takes ah seven damage of your 21 health, yeah? Bringing you down to what? 14 health, okay? And you get these three ah claw marks across your face, yeah? And you're bleeding out from your face. I bet you're...

36:16.16
Talal K
Really pissed off now. Okay, you try and strike at her.

36:17.74
alexei sayle
yeah

36:20.96
Talal K
um And you get, you do the, you roll what you needed to hit Dawn French, okay? Tell me, that she's the last person standing. How do you take her out?

36:32.20
Talal K
What's this, what's the move? It's not Dawn French, it's a witch played by Dawn French.

36:36.39
alexei sayle
oh you know stuff poke poking the head

36:42.27
Talal K
With a simple poke in the head. ah You knock her out. Okay. um And that's it. You are...

36:54.02
alexei sayle
Because people are... It's not like... There's so many things happening in the world at the moment. People yearning to hear what I say. It's not like...

37:01.38
Talal K
It's called escapism.

37:04.95
Talal K
It's just one episode.

37:05.76
alexei sayle
They won't make it through...

37:05.91
Talal K
We're trying it out. You're going to see how much people love listening to this shit. Have some fucking enthusiasm...

37:13.96
alexei sayle
ah ah

37:15.36
Talal K
I'm going to post on the Patreon, yeah? I'm going to show everyone all the work I've done on this. I'm going to post the flowchart I made.

37:23.22
alexei sayle
People want to know what I think about the rare, you know, Gaza.

37:24.65
Talal K
I'm going to show the... I'm going to send all the writing I did, the pages and pages of writing. I'm going to post that all up onto the Patreon.

37:31.49
alexei sayle
If only I'd see me through another week.

37:32.30
Talal K
And then the last image is just going to be your face.

37:33.88
alexei sayle
If I could hear what Alexi thought about Trump and Xi Jinping, it'd see me through another week. But sadly, I didn't get to hear. Anyway, carry on. Go on.

37:46.09
Talal K
What do you want to say about that?

37:47.77
alexei sayle
I had nothing, really. Well, I don't know. I'm stuck.

37:53.09
Talal K
um You're alone now in this ah ritual room, okay? ah You've got that fireplace behind you, but you know that through there, it's a large group of people who won't be very happy to see you still walking around.

38:12.00
Talal K
um Do you want to like examine the room and see if there's another way out?

38:16.63
alexei sayle
Yeah.

38:18.55
Talal K
Okay. and You notice in the back corner of the room, there's a bit of light bleeding through what seems to be like crack in the wall. um But it's like a very straight line with light kind of shining through it.

38:31.86
alexei sayle
This like, it reminds me of like a really upsetting dream, this. didn't get carried on anyway.

38:36.28
Talal K
Yeah, what do you do?

38:38.28
alexei sayle
but but But there's a crack of light.

38:40.89
Talal K
Yeah, on the other...

38:41.74
alexei sayle
i'd go towards it and use my staff to prise open it the hole, which gets me out of the building.

38:48.71
Talal K
Amazing. ah You find that there's this like square of stone that just kind of really smoothly guide glides... to the right as you as you prize it with your staff.

38:59.81
Talal K
And you have to lower your head to go through this gap. And um you notice that it was a hidden doorway behind a bookshelf, ah behind a bookshelf on the other side.

39:08.15
alexei sayle
I bet it was.

39:12.23
Talal K
And you find yourself in upstairs hallway in this mansion, okay? um You walk down the hall

39:24.72
Talal K
towards a strange door at the back. um Yeah, no, that doesn't make sense. You go down some stairs first and then you find a strange door. There's a door and it says garage above the door.

39:39.63
Talal K
Okay, and it's locked by some strange mechanism.

39:44.43
Talal K
There is a plaque beside the door and it reads, this door can only be opened by fire, phonetically speaking.

39:56.38
Talal K
What do you do?

39:59.94
alexei sayle
um Can only be opened by fire, phonetically speaking. What does that mean?

40:07.11
Talal K
This door can only be opened by fire, phonetically speaking.

40:13.39
alexei sayle
I don't know.

40:17.85
Talal K
This in D&D is what we call a puzzle. It's the only puzzle in the game

40:21.16
alexei sayle
All right. I'm not very... I hate puzzles.

40:24.07
Talal K
It's only puzzle in the game, and I'll tell you this, it leads you to the ending.

40:24.53
alexei sayle
You know that about me. Yeah. Yeah.

40:29.04
alexei sayle
Oh, Christ, well, I'm motivated now, but I still... I don't... I'm not very good puzzles.

40:34.48
Talal K
It's the only thing that will motivate you in D&D is that it will finish.

40:38.19
alexei sayle
Yeah.

40:41.67
alexei sayle
um

40:44.09
alexei sayle
Give me a...

40:44.29
Talal K
Well, you can do stuff to help you. Do you want to like examine closer the door and the mechanism?

40:49.69
alexei sayle
Well, I'd like to know what the... How can I find out what the puzzle is? Or how...

40:54.50
Talal K
Okay, do you want to do a wisdom roll?

40:55.49
alexei sayle
Fanatically...

40:58.24
Talal K
I'll do a wisdom roll for you, okay?

40:59.50
alexei sayle
Yeah, yeah, it's a wisdom note.

41:00.86
Talal K
And I'll give you a clue if you roll high enough. God, you rolled an 18. Okay, really good.

41:05.41
alexei sayle
Okay.

41:05.86
Talal K
ah So this door can only be opened by fire, phonetically speaking. Phonetically speaking seems to really stand out to you.

41:19.28
Talal K
Phonetically speaking. What happens when you speak phonetically? This is like

41:25.97
alexei sayle
just I don't know, he just said words.

41:30.61
Talal K
Yeah, but isn't there a phonetic way of speaking?

41:33.27
alexei sayle
got My mind's gone, but I think i think think this game's given me Alzheimer's.

41:40.32
alexei sayle
ah

41:40.33
Talal K
Shit.

41:41.08
alexei sayle
I'm losing the use of language.

41:41.25
Talal K
That is a really... That is Of all the things you've said, that one hurt.

41:43.20
alexei sayle
but's spin that phonetic What's I forgot what phonetically means.

41:47.36
Talal K
That is not what a creator wants to hear when someone is playing their game.

41:57.72
Talal K
And then phonetic. You think of that word phonetic. What normally follows that word?

42:04.52
alexei sayle
pronunciation.

42:05.83
Talal K
What else?

42:09.12
Talal K
Really, what you need... you At first, you really needed the AA or the RAC for your Rover 390.

42:15.12
alexei sayle
Yeah.

42:16.72
Talal K
um But now you're thinking you probably would rather get the police over here or the fucking army. Right?

42:24.42
alexei sayle
Yeah.

42:24.68
Talal K
Phonetic. Phonetic. Police, army, phonetic.

42:33.84
alexei sayle
I forgot, I can't

42:34.02
Talal K
If you were to describe to the police the number plate of your car, how would you read it out to them?

42:42.55
alexei sayle
remember. Like BMT 527H.

42:44.95
Talal K
No, they don't understand that over the phone. That's not how they say letters on the phone, is it?

42:49.80
alexei sayle
Oh, God almighty, this took long... The United Nations Phonetic Alphabet.

42:57.11
Talal K
This door can only be opened by fire, phonetically speaking.

42:59.87
alexei sayle
Well, Foxtrot, India, Romeo, Echo.

43:04.17
Talal K
Quick, quick, quick, quick, rattle, wattle, rattle, clink, clink, clank, clink. The mechanism starts whirring to life and the door slides open. You step forward into a vast,

43:15.69
Talal K
garage, yeah? And the garage door she said the look like god slides up and opens, revealing the words in a road out ahead. and in And the lights come on in the garage, vroom, vroom, vroom, and it reveals a huge tank in the middle of the garage, a tank of your choice, whatever the hell you want it to be. And then next to the tank, ah there is you know a set of keys, helmets and goggles and a cool leather jacket.

43:43.67
Talal K
um this could be your way out. What tank is it, Lex? You get to describe a tank.

43:50.16
alexei sayle
Oh, a centurion, a British centurion.

43:53.87
Talal K
I really thought this would that would perk you up.

43:57.67
alexei sayle
Too far gone for British centurion. The greatest, best tank of the nineteen fifty s really post-war period.

44:04.91
Talal K
Amazing. You climb up onto it and open the hatch, I presume, and climb in to the tank.

44:11.13
alexei sayle
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's a tank course. God, Jesus.

44:15.32
Talal K
You try the keys out and the tank comes alive and you it purrs to life. And you drive it out of the garage, okay?

44:28.26
Talal K
You're at the top of this hill and at the crest of the hill, you see a road leading down so then to the nearest village, as I described earlier. um You turn the turret round one last time to view the castle.

44:43.63
Talal K
And you hear a voice in the air, you'll be back, Alexis Ale. Just you wait and see.

44:50.13
alexei sayle
Linda's going to be really angry with you for putting me through this.

44:53.80
Talal K
Why?

44:53.97
alexei sayle
Anyway, go on.

44:54.80
Talal K
why would Linda care?

44:56.35
alexei sayle
She cares about what? If somebody's upsetting her Alexia and giving him Alzheimer's.

45:02.33
Talal K
All right, with you this you're looking at the castle.

45:05.26
alexei sayle
There.

45:05.76
Talal K
You've got the the road down to the village. You're in a big fuck-off tank. You can see that the petrol's full. the It's got ah ballistics in there. Whatever it shoots, it's full. um What do you want to do?

45:17.59
Talal K
you want to do anything before you head to the village?

45:21.73
alexei sayle
No, no, no, I just want to get there.

45:24.25
Talal K
You don't want to shoot. Okay, you could have shot at the castle.

45:25.70
alexei sayle
ah go i was I mean, I've left them behind.

45:26.87
Talal K
No, no, forget it. No, forget it. You turn around and you drive down the hill.

45:29.09
alexei sayle
Fuck those people. Those people are out of my life now.

45:31.79
Talal K
Okay, you're driving down the hill towards the village.

45:34.20
alexei sayle
Yeah.

45:34.71
Talal K
And as you're driving down, big grin on your face, Alexei's sail, save the day, survive this castle of maniacs.

45:41.84
alexei sayle
Yeah.

45:42.06
Talal K
You start to hear a weird hissing, hissing.

45:42.18
alexei sayle
Oh, God.

45:45.50
Talal K
And you look up at the vent to see a green gas filling the cockpit. And Alexei, you gasp and splutter as you try to open the hatch.

45:54.68
alexei sayle
No, but the Centurion had NBC protection, nuclear nuclear, biological, chemical protection, so it wouldn't be impervious to gas.

45:56.89
Talal K
Uh,

46:04.88
Talal K
Well, it's weird. It must have been rigged up as a trap. um And you tried to open the hatch, but it seems to be sealed shut. And you try to stay awake, but you just can't keep your eyes open.

46:19.44
Talal K
you wake up um the concrete slab and the ritual room the three cackling witches

46:24.38
alexei sayle
Oh, for fuck's sake.

46:26.12
Talal K
lean over you holding a jagged dagger

46:28.00
alexei sayle
Oh, come on.

46:29.06
Talal K
and jeremy leans over you too see alexe told you you'd be back your party needs you and your sweet sweet blood for the many we kill the so

46:42.83
Talal K
ah The end. Hard cut to credits.

46:45.14
alexei sayle
Oh, thank God.

46:47.23
Talal K
The credits roll. And then there's a post-credits scene of like, um oh, we didn't get to it, but um there's a ah zombie, Rick, and Vivian, who's just Vivian, who's scary enough. They're running around the castle doing getting up to mischief.

47:01.55
Talal K
ah There was a bunch of stuff you didn't get to, you didn't see. And there's ah you see a cutaway of them like having a fight in the corridors. And ah the end. um Stupid Noises Productions presents an Alexis Sale Halloween special.

47:14.50
alexei sayle
Oh, well, thank you for that, Talal.

47:18.36
alexei sayle
Yeah.

47:19.29
Talal K
Well done.

47:19.86
alexei sayle
Are we just going to leave it there then? Are we not going to...

47:21.59
Talal K
Yeah. Oh, what? What's that? Oh.

47:24.50
alexei sayle
No, no, no.

47:27.20
Talal K
All right.

47:28.12
alexei sayle
No, just... No, we'll leave our analysis of the Trump-Xi Jinping and the costa collapse of the ceasefire in Gaza and Palestine action. and We'll leave that all for another week, shall we?

47:44.43
alexei sayle
What else is, I suppose Liverpool also, Liverpool's defeat last night to Crystal Palace in the Carabao Cup.

47:54.41
Talal K
Yeah.

47:54.69
alexei sayle
But no we never won't talk about any of that. We won't, we won't, we'll just leave it there.

48:01.37
Talal K
Hey man, it's fucked up world out there and I hope we've given a bit of escapism, a bit of a release with this. I hope you listened you enjoyed this at home, this experiment. Please go to patreon.com forward slash AlexiSell podcast.

48:15.98
Talal K
You can watch full video episodes and you can watch Alexi's face while I'm reading my hard work. um You can also watch Alexi, Lisa and Nigel watch the young ones. shes um And I'm going to put all the Fucking, what do I call this?

48:34.75
Talal K
All the writing and the flow chart and the character sheets. going to pop all that on the Patreon as well so you can all see that.

48:40.24
alexei sayle
Fantastic.

48:41.84
Talal K
um Happy Halloween, everybody.

48:43.57
alexei sayle
Happy, happy, hally happy, happy, another example of American imperialism, everybody.

48:53.80
Talal K
Trick or treat.

48:53.93
alexei sayle
Capitalism. When's Black Friday as well? Hang

48:56.20
Talal K
Smell my feet. Give me something good to eat. Black Friday's at the end of November. Come on, Alexi. You're saying you didn't enjoy that at all?

49:07.14
alexei sayle
on, what did you say, Linda?

49:11.22
alexei sayle
and know, I said it already. You said bloody stupid Halloween. Bloody stupid Halloween.

49:19.19
Talal K
Come on. Is there not anything you liked about that game at all?

49:21.88
alexei sayle
Now, well, you know, I mean, there's the dramatic tension there. It's, you know, it's different.

49:32.55
alexei sayle
No, there's not a lot in there that I liked, really. I don't want to demotivate you. mean, very, very important part my, yeah.

49:41.23
Talal K
Oh, I don't care. and You know, different strokes for different folks, isn't it?

49:48.30
Talal K
um Well, I'm sorry and you're welcome.

49:52.28
alexei sayle
Yeah, yeah. i ah Yeah, thank you.

49:56.35
alexei sayle
No, it was good. It made you an excellent episode. We say it might be a tremendous uptick in listeners, especially with that 9% of our 10 million viewers of the videos in the Philippines.

50:04.42
Talal K
And if it was...

50:14.32
alexei sayle
Might connect with them profoundly. It's a tremendous uptick in the viewers, listeners.

50:18.06
Talal K
If it ends up being our most popular episode, would you consider doing more?

50:21.02
alexei sayle
and that why I well, I'd feel compelled to. I'd have to, wouldn't I?

50:25.29
Talal K
Become a D&D podcast?

50:26.72
alexei sayle
This is a democracy. Well, yeah, I'd have to. This turned out to be our most popular episode. It's like the bloody myth of Sisyphus. It's a man, you know, so angered the gods that he endlessly had to play Dungeons and Dragons.

50:36.39
Talal K
You and the bloody Sisyphus.

50:47.06
alexei sayle
This is fitting.

50:51.58
alexei sayle
fit and punishment

50:54.67
Talal K
Well, there you go. I broke your Dungeons and Dragons cherry, and I'm very honored to have done so. Watch, you'll come you'll call me in a few days going,

51:02.59
alexei sayle
well that's true but no hey

51:05.60
Talal K
I really actually tell I can't stop thinking about it. I can't stop thinking about it.

51:10.64
alexei sayle
well that's true but

51:12.87
Talal K
So I left it on a cliffhanger. So, you know, next Halloween, you never know.

51:16.03
alexei sayle
ay

51:18.34
Talal K
We'll see how this goes down. i'm I was very nervous about doing this. Yes.

51:22.56
alexei sayle
Well, think I, you know, I helped.

51:25.11
Talal K
Please.

51:26.70
alexei sayle
I helped.

51:29.15
alexei sayle
um Should we say bye-bye then?

51:31.44
Talal K
Please.

51:32.79
alexei sayle
Bye-bye.

51:36.92
alexei sayle
This should make it very funny.