Right Quick Ep 5 Transcript
Nandi: Welcome back to Right Quick.
Vance: A bite-sized pop culture conversation with your favorite queer, unfriendly Black hotties.
Nandi: We’re unfriendly because I’m not sure if I’ll ever be Black enough. I’m Nandi K.
Vance: And I’m Vance Gowe.
Nandi: Well, Vance. I don’t know, I might not be Black enough. Because who is? Because, uh, who is Black enough?
Vance: What’s the suggestion today?
Nandi: Today’s suggestion is the constant pledging of Black Phi. Black, uh, for Black listeners-

(church organ plays)

Nandi: Black. Black. Black, Black, a fictional fraternity of Blackness that has zero members, similar to computer and individuals. Nigger rhythms. The requirements to join are unknowable. Even the Blackest among us have not been inducted into this secret fraternal order that is to include Marcus Garvey, Harriet Tubman, and Tiffany “New York” Pollard.
Nandi: Black Phi Black. How to get in? It’s unknowable. Not even the Blackest among us has gotten in.
Vance: Well, it feels like the goalpost is always moving. Like it’s like, yeah, like it’s just like you feel secure one day and the next thing it’s like, “Oh, you like sugar on your grits?” And then-
Nandi: And then all of a sudden someone’s telling you, yeah, someone’s saying you’re not Black because of that.
Vance: Yeah, and it’s like, well, what the fuck is that? Yeah. So yes, exactly. The goalpost is always moving. It’s very nebulous. It’s ill-defined what it means to be a card-carrying member.
Nandi: Right. And do we think we get the card right when you’re born, and then it’s taken? Like, do you get the card after like when they fill out “Black” on the birth certificate, then you get the card?
Vance: I think so. Yeah, personally I like to believe if your mom is Black-
Nandi: Oh, I like that. You get it. I like that.
Vance: Isn’t that how the Jewish people do it?
Nandi: That is how they do it. They pass down their lineage through the mother. And hey, if we look at our own community, we may do the same. It’s right there. It may be us doing the same.
Vance: I know what you’re saying. Yeah. I mean, members of our own family I know what you’re saying.
Nandi: That’s correct. That’s right, that’s right. Yeah. I don’tit’s rare that you see, like, a super pro-Black. Anyway, this isn’t the biracial episode, so let’s not get too deep in the weeds about passing down lineage through one parent or another. I think we’re talking about just capital B. I guess we can include lowercase b’s as well. Are we included in blacks as well lowercase blacks? I’ve recently heard this phrase—
Vance: Look at us revoking cards.
Nandi: Yeah. No, your card’s not revoked because you have a lower B card. It’s just a different kind of card.
Vance: Another. It’s another card. It’s a secret. Not secret, but just a different card. It’s just different powers, less privileges.
Nandi: I didn’t say that. Vance said that. Not me. Now, Vance, oh my God, have you ever had your Black card taken? And for what?
Vance: All the time. Okay, so, uh, I think this might be an interesting—right? Like, you know, we both like anime. I feel like that was kind of a thing. But, um, yeah, I don’t know. I personally have adopted the framework that you cannot take my Black card. Like, it’s impossible. Like, you’d have to pry it from my cold hands. Amen.
Nandi: Amen.
Vance: So because of that, I’m like, I don’t subscribe to that anymore. But I feel like when I was a teenager, it was very like, “Oh, you like” I mean, we talked about like the concept of talking white. What the fuck? Or acting white. I don’t subscribe to that unless you’re, like, the type of person that don’t like Black people.
Nandi: And I mean, there is acting white, right? Like right. So the things we’re talking about right, I also got accused of talking white, acting white when I was growing up. Mostly people said I acted white because of the way I spoke. Right, that’s fine. I always hung out with the niggas. You would never see me in a group full of whites. Right? So, like, no matter what they say, you could catch me around my people. I’ve never acted white, ever. But there are some people who do act white. Some people pander to the whites. Some people do everything for the gaze of the whites. And I do maybe think that is acting white if you do things because you think white people have the right idea. Which is wild. They don’t have lips. Never true. They don’t even have lips. You trust these people, right?
Vance: How are they drinking?
Nandi: No, but some people do act white. Candace Owens. That’s why her ends are broke off like that, right?
Vance: No. Well, we talked about this a lot online. Llike the ancestors are, like, when you act a certain way, the ancestors will literally harm you. Like, they’re going to, like, pull your hair. Um, for, you know, the anime Black, the adult anime Black men that are like “Black bitch-ass”. Uh, those dudes, their hairline, you can see it in the hairline. I’m like, well, it looks like your ancestors already answered the question for us. Like, it looks like your ancestors don’t like you. So you need to figure that out when you come over here.
Vance: But, um, yeah, I feel like, yeah, the idea of acting white well, okay, when it happens, I feel like for a lot of us, it happens in childhood. Like when we’re teenagers and, you know, little kids. I don’t expect kids to, like, have any type of foundation where they can kind of like, the nuance, you know? The nuance of the conversation to be like, “Hey, you’re not acting white.” You’reyou know. So I like not to say I get it when kids are like but I just don’t expect kids to be coming out—
Nandi: Kids are stupid. It’s okay. Kids are stupid.
Vance: Yeah. But as you get older, you have to kind of understand that, like, kids are stupid, and like, kids are saying dumb shit because, like, they don’t know how to read like, actually. So then literally you can’t yourself become like someone that don’t fuck with no Black people at all because you were teased when you and the thing is, like, depending on where you grew up. I grew up in Fresno. Everybody got teased.
Nandi: No person escaped teasing. When I was in first grade, there was this boy named Keyshawn, and he used to call me Naughty by Nature because he couldn’t say my name. And Naughty by Nature was a popular group at the time because “O.P.P.” was out, right?
Vance: This is kind of funny.
Nandi: When I was in middle school, some boys started calling me punani. Like, there’s no escaping, right? No level of escaping. Just disgusting stuff. Kids are stupid. Hey, do you think I spent all night thinking about that? Do you think I say, “Ew, Black men were mean to me and they said I had nappy hair”? I did have nappy hair. Now I like guess what? I had hair. Guess what? I still do. And so these are the good things that I’m always, like, really happy about. And I remain Black also. I’m southern, baby. They don’t make them Blacker than me. I’m Black and I’m from the Deep South. It’s like, get out of here. Leave me alone. I eat chitlins. I eat chitlins. You cannot out-nigger me.
Vance: You can keep the chitlins.
Nandi: Sure I will, don’t worry.
Nandi: We’ve talked about the gizzards now.
Vance: Yes, I eat gizzards as well.
Nandi: Sean loves gizzards.
Vance: I lemon pepper my gizzards, and I put chipotle, honey chipotle.
Nandi: Wait, do you fry them though? Like batter and frying?
Vance: Mhm.
Nandi: Oh okay. Let me hear.

Vance: I didn’t grow up eating fried gizzards. Okay, no, I did, that’s not true. I grew up eating fried gizzards. But my mom used to, like, just put them in, like, teriyaki. Like almost like a soup. And it was—
Nandi: I never had that before.
Vance: Murky looking. But now I do it just, like, but gourmet. Because, you know, I be cooking.
Nandi: You be cooking.

Vance: So I just, I just boil them for a long time to get them soft, and then I take them off and, like, fry them up. And then whatever sauce I put on them, I put on them.
Nandi: Oh, interesting. In the wok. So you just do them, like, in the wok or whatever.
Vance: In a little skillet. Cute.
Nandi: And then you fire them.
Vance: So then I put, like, the lemon pepper or the chipotle honey or whatever. Mhm. And then I eat them at my house by myself, in the comfort of my home. And it’s so nice.
Nandi: Ain’t it? No one’s there.
Vance: It is. Because you know if you say, “Hey, I eat gizzards,” a bunch of niggas gonna come online to tell you how, like, that’s not—
Nandi: I eat chitlins. So I don’t think you really actually understand what it’s truly like to truly be under the gun of hate. From all Blacks, from all sides.
Vance: No hate, no hate from me. I just will let you do it.

Nandi: You just don’t, like, generally enjoy it.
Vance: Yeah and then, like, chicken feet too. I can’t.
Nandi: I’ve never been a chicken feet type of person. I would feed my dog chicken feet.
Nandi: All right, so what are some things you can get your Black card taken for? We talked about a few things like acting white. There’s some other things.
Vance: There’s a viewing list. There’s a secret viewing list of movies that if you ain’t seen it, you’re going to have some problems with the community. Last night, I was at a Halloween situation, and one of the people there was dressed as what’s our good sis Angela Bassett from, uh, Waiting to Exhale.
Nandi: Nice. Someone didn’t know.
Vance: I get the references because I exist on the internet and I’m Black. But also, I have not seen that movie in twenty years. Maybe more.
Nandi: I watched it recently. It’s a fucking banger. It’s directed by Forest Whitaker. It’s so beautiful. It holds up. Yeah. It holds up so well. It’s so good.
Vance: Yeah. So I initially I didn’t recognize the lingerie situation. And then when I told them I haven’t seen it, they almost banished me from the space. Like, it was that bad.
Nandi: So I’m not gonna lie. I kind of feel them. But see, just a little. I wouldn’t banish you because I know most of this list you’ve seen, so it wouldn’t be an issue on one.
Vance: Temptations or Five Heartbeats. I feel like it’s like an Apple or Android thing there. You’re either—
Nandi: I think you should see both. One is a fictional band, you know.
Vance: I have seen both, but the real-life band one is the one that, uh, is in my spirit, in my heart forever.
Nandi: It’s so funny because Leon’s in both.
Vance: Yes. He’s the same character.
Nandi: He’s David Ruffin in both of them.
Vance: Yes. He’s like, yeah, crackhead. Super talented crackhead. That is so hot. Wayward. That’s what they do. Crack. Yeah. Talented. Yeah. They be talented and wayward.
Nandi: Yeah.
Vance: Friday.
Nandi: Of course.
Vance: Of course. The trilogy, of course. Harlem Nights.
Nandi: Of course. Now, I feel like this one is interesting because as we’re like in the kind of Gen Z, Gen Alpha, right? Like Harlem Nights is from, like, my dad—when my dad was young, Harlem Nights came out. So let’s see, what year did Harlem Nights come out? Nineteen eighty-nine. Yeah, a year after I was born, right? One year after I was born. That was a movie my dad, my mom both watched. These are like classic-ass comedies. I mean, Richard Pryor. Come on. I don’t think the kids are getting their Black cards taken over Harlem Nights these days. Redd Foxx. Della Reese.
Nandi: “Whoa! My pinky toe!”
Vance: Look. Violence against Black women. Never. Okay. How dare you? We did all laugh then.
Nandi: Mhm.
Vance: Belly.
Nandi: A banger. Only need to see that once. It’s not very good.
Vance: Same. Same. Love & Basketball. The love that y’all—I don’t know if you’re included, but the proverbial y’all have for that violent ass—
Nandi: It’s like it’s a good movie. It’s just like the characters. Like Omar Epps’ character. The way he was like, “I’m about to die, but I will dunk on your head and kill you before I let you win, my love.”
Vance: Oh, I’ll call it a horror movie.
Nandi: It is a horror.
Vance: It’s—
Nandi: I mean, it’s like a romantic horror. Yeah, it’s my favorite horror movie. Like, I give y’all that, but, like, classic love. Same with Baby Boy.
Vance: Oh, it’s a horror movie. Snoop Dogg is the villain.
Nandi: Well, actually—
Vance: Jodi is.
Nandi: Jodi is Tyrese and now Tyrese himself. I’m not taking that back. Jodi was the villain. Now Tyrese, the actual person, is the villain.
Vance: He can have that. He can have that.
Nandi: Yeah, I think that’s fine. Okay, so some other things that I was talking about—we could get our Black cards taken out. One: not knowing how to play certain card games. Spades. You have to pledge to learn how to play spades. How did you learn how to play spades, Vance?
Vance: Why would you ask me that? On the air? So I do know you don’t know how to shut up.
Nandi: I was about to—
Vance: No, no, no, no, no. It’s an Apple Android thing for me. Spades or dominoes. And dominoes is my thing.
Nandi: Why are those even in opposition to each other?
Vance: I think that this thing is regional. The whole conversation is regional. It’s slanted, because on the West Coast, I know people play spades over here.
Nandi: Okay, fair. I’m on the East Coast, right?
Vance: So, like, I don’t think it’s so ingrained the way it is other places. And again, my—my country granddaddy played dominoes.
Nandi: We play dominoes too though. That’s what I’m saying. Like, we also play dominoes. It’s not like some people play dominoes—
Vance: I just feel like in my house and my household, I think my grandpa associated it with gambling. Maybe.
Nandi: I was about to say, is it the J.W.? I was gonna say, is it the religious shit?
Vance: Mhm.
Nandi: He never said it. He just didn’t play it. So I didn’t grow up playing spades. So I started playing spades as an adult. But you know how you niggas get violent when people miscount.
Nandi: Yeah. Because why are you doing that?
Vance: Why is a knife out? Can we, like—
Nandi: Why are you doing that?
Vance: Why is there a gun? Like, there just happens that—
Nandi: Those things are not mutually exclusive. It’s like you need to focus on the game at hand and how many books you have, and don’t be under or over-counting your books.
Vance: I think the implied violence that comes with spades is why I’m apprehensive to play.
Nandi: I feel like dominoes, though people, like, slam the tiles down. It’s aggressive. It’s violent. Spades is the same way.
Vance: It’s also violent. But I’m starting to get good at it.
Nandi: Yeah.
Vance: But you know what’s getting increasingly violent? Uno.
Nandi: No. Uno is getting increasingly violent.
Vance: Violent? Now Uno is violence.
Nandi: Yeah. Yeah. House rules.
Vance: That’s really giving jail. The house rules.
Nandi: Fuck your fucking stacking-ass house rules, you fucking cheating-ass bitches. I’ll say it here first. No fucking stacking, you fucking hoes. What are y’all doing? Just stacking multiple—you can’t just stack cards ’cause you got them! No. They have a specific version of Uno for that—Uno Attack.
Vance: No, it’s not that one.
Nandi: It’s some other Uno. It’s the evil Uno.
Vance: Don’t tell the Blacks that. The Blacks love the evil Uno.
Nandi: I’m saying it.
Vance: Tonk.
Nandi: I don’t play Tonk.
Vance: Oh, you’ve never played? I just—I think it’s the card games. I did not grow up playing.
Nandi: Oh, it’s so funny though. Like, it’s so funny how, like, the religious stuff, like, permeates. Like but niggas gamble for dominoes! I’m just like, I don’t see the difference. But I’m like, because I’ve seen many a nigga gamble with dominoes as well.
Vance: I think my old-ass granddaddy, like, loved dominoes, so that was—
Nandi: Yeah.
Vance: Exactly right.
Nandi: So I think that’s what it was.
Vance: But yeah.
Nandi: So he said the cards too far. “The King? No, the only King is the King Jehovah.”
Vance: Amen.
Nandi: Which King?
Vance: You know which King it is, you say.
Nandi: Okay, other things uh, liking white people music. This was another one that used to get me as a kid. Not Paramore, though I want to clarify, not Paramore, though. There’s some white people that have been considered Black. Uh, mostly Paramore.
Vance: Yeah, there’s, like, an acceptance. Uh, Evanescence.
Nandi: I don’t think we accepted them as Black. We just said that shit bangs.
Vance: But because I’m like EvanescenceI feel like that was, like I listened to Evanescence.
Nandi: I went hard on that whole era of time. I went hard.
Vance: I think some of us are sad and emotional, like we are, and like, when that music speaks to us, it speaks to us. And it don’t matter that white people are singing it. But, you know, like, in my house, I wasn’t going to be able to wear no black everything and no, you know—
Nandi: I literally said that! I was like, I probably would have been more of, like, an emo, but I grew up so religious that it was, like, considered, like, demonic. I never would have been able I damn near couldn’t wear tight pants, like it was real crazy in my house. I was trying to show off this booty at school, my mom was like, absolutely not.
Vance: Right.
Nandi: Put the cakes away.
Vance: Mmhm.
Nandi: Um, let’s talk about some famous unimpeachable Black-ass people. People whose Blackness would be up for questioning, but it’s not, because of reasons. I only have one person here, and it’s Mariah Carey, the goat.
Vance: Yeah. No one has to question where she stands.
Nandi: But I think that, like, I think the reason why we accept her is because of that, right? Because, like, she draws a line herself.
Vance: Yeah. She’s like, “I’m over here.” And, like, I know them, I know them studio people was like, “Bitch, you’re a white woman. You need to be over here with that guitar.” And she was like, “Bone Thugs, where are they?”
Nandi: She said, “I want to sing with rappers. Thank you.”
Vance: Right. “Can we Boyz II Men? Where are they?”
Nandi: Yeah.
Vance: So yeah, Mariah makes the list. Who I can’t, and I will not be on a public platform for under—
Nandi: I think that’s fair. I think she’s the only unimpeachable. It’s the only person, like, I literally can’t think of a single other person. Like Rashida Jones no fucking way. Didn’t even know she was Black until, like, five years ago. So—
Vance: Yeah, she no comment.
Nandi: She rode the line for quite a while.
Vance: Well, uh, I think that we’re two of the niggas. Niggas out there. Uh, our Blackness is unimpeachable.
Nandi: So I think Blackness is unimpeachable. And, uh, most of the time—
Vance: Yeah, I agree.
Nandi: Yeah, exactly. Most of the time. Most of the time, because the rules always are you know, we can always do that. But no, most of the time. So, like for me, I think I settled on, like, maybe years ago, like, hey, you know, you’re—you’re a Black person that also likes anime. You’re a Black person that also may speak a certain way that people would be like, “Oh, that’s white,” or whatever. But, like, you still Black. Like, the way you exist in the world is Black. The people that you love are Black. Everybody in your circle is Black. So, like, how at any point could anyone tell you otherwise? And that’s kind of what I hold. So people talk about taking Black cards I’m like, find it.
Nandi: I’m like, you’re gonna have to fight a lot of people to get that card.
Vance: Yeah. You could take it. But it’s not something you could take from me.
Nandi: It’s like Jet Li’s The One, but there’s, like, a million of me’s. Like, do you know or the Blackness that I’ve left trailed across? There’s no way.
Nandi: Well, with that, today’s episode is sponsored by the Black community and Black Phi Black. Don’t get caught slipping.
Vance: Eye emoji.
Nandi: Big thanks to our producer and audio Adonis, Aaron Ram Freeman.
Vance: I’m Vance Gowe, and you can find me digging it up on a Friday with oxtails.
Nandi: And I’m Nandi K. You can find me on Instagram and Threads at @nandi_kayyy.