Siddhartha Gautama, commonly known as the Buddha, was a spiritual teacher and a philosopher. The
title "Buddha" means "the awakened one" or "the enlightened one." His teachings form
the foundation of Buddhism, a profound and influential philosophy and religion.
Central to Buddhist teachings are the "Three Marks of Existence," which
illuminate the nature of life and the human experience. The Three Marks of Existence are -
Anicca, which means impermanence. This teaches us that everything in the world
is in a constant state of change and flux. Dukkha, meaning Suffering. This acknowledges
that life inherently involves suffering and dissatisfaction.
And finally Anatta, which is Non-Self, challenging the concept of a fixed, unchanging self or soul.
Anatta means that there is no permanent self. To put it simply, it means that you are always
changing, just like everything else in the world. According to Buddhism, our "self" is made up of
five things, which they call "The Five Aggregates of clinging." These are:
our physical body, our form, how we feel about things, our feelings,
how we see and understand the world, our perception,
our consciousness, which is our awareness,
and our thoughts and emotions, our mental formations.
But none of these things on their own represent our true,
unchanging self because they all change over time. So, "anattā" doesn't mean "no self" but rather "no
permanent self." It reminds us that nothing in life stays the same forever, including ourselves.
Understanding this concept of "non-self" can help us let go of things and move
on in life. It can make us feel free and independent. So here are six ways that you
can use the idea of "non-self" to help you move on in life from the wisdom of buddha.
1. Live In The Present Buddha says “Do not dwell
in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.”
Imagine you have a favorite toy. You really like playing with it,
but it's not going to stay the same forever. Just like how your toy changes and gets old,
everything in life changes. What happened in the past is done and gone,
the future hasn't happened yet, and even the present moment doesn't last forever. Buddhism
teaches that people who understand this idea of things changing are ready to let go of the past
and not worry too much about the future. They focus on what's happening right now.
A lot of us spend time feeling sad about the past or worried about the future. We wish things were
different or we try to control what's going to happen next. But even if we don't think
about the past or future too much, we might not be truly living in the present. We might daydream or
think about things that aren't real. So, what's real? According to this principle of Anatta,
things change all the time, including who we are. Our sense of who we are is made up of many small,
changing parts. When we think too much about the past or dream about the future,
we're focusing on things that aren't real anymore or haven't happened yet.
Let's look at regrets, for example. We often spend time thinking about mistakes we made in
the past and feel bad about them. But according to this idea, the "you" who made those mistakes
has changed since then. You've learned and grown. There's no need to be hard on yourself
for the things you did a long time ago. The same goes for wishing things were like they used to
be. That's just a daydream because people and situations change. If you tried to go back to
how things were before, it wouldn't work out because you're not the same anymore. Thinking
too much about these daydreams or unrealistic plans takes away from the real life you have
now. It's like spending all your time thinking about imaginary things instead of enjoying
what's really happening, here in the present. And what about the future? It's good to plan
for it, but sometimes we worry too much. We plan every detail, like exactly what job we'll
have or what our house will be like. But life doesn't always go exactly as planned. Plus,
we change as people and the world changes too. So, those super specific plans might not work out.
Remember that you're not exactly who you were in the past, and you won't be exactly the same
in the future either. This helps you think more realistically. Will the things you're
sad about now still matter in the future? Probably not. Will your future self want the
same things as you do now? Maybe not. Instead of getting caught up in the past or future,
ask yourself what you want and what makes you happy right now. This way, you can let go of
what's already happened and what might happen, and focus on what's happening right in front of you.
2. Embrace Change According to Buddha
“Everything that has a beginning has an ending. Make your peace with that and all will be well.”
One of the most important pieces of wisdom found in anattā is the benefit
of learning to let things go, which is one of the most important steps in moving on.
When you consider yourself not a fixed entity but rather something to grow,
evolve, and to keep experiencing, you will find that changes in your life are not
as disastrous or disrupting as they once seemed. Rather, they are to be embraced.
Many people find it difficult to deal with changes in their lives. It can be tough when
things don't go the way we want them to. Even when we decided to make changes ourselves,
it can still be unsettling and take time to get used to. Some people dislike change so
much that they try to avoid it completely. For most of us, too many changes happening all at
once can be bothersome. However, change can actually be really beneficial for us and is a
crucial part of our lives. Most importantly, we can't escape it – it's bound to happen.
If we were to take the concept of anattā into account with every single thing we do and think,
we would be intimately aware of the fleeting nature of everything. Our biggest problem with
change is that it takes away what we had wanted to keep(going a bit fast and unclear (7:10); whether
it is a job, a person, a house, a neighborhood, a certain item, or a relationship. We cling to
what we think makes us happy or improves our life - and it’s that act of clinging that
makes us so very unprepared for its loss. Think of a child who can’t sleep without
their favorite night light. While the light may be wonderful and comforting,
by sleeping with it every single night the child is setting themselves up for failure were it to
ever break down. If however the child was told that the light might someday break down and that
they should practice sleeping without it, they’d be prepared and thus not inconsolable when this
warning eventually does come true. And so it is with most things in life. Ask yourself - What
do you depend on and can’t imagine your life without? Think of its impermanent nature and,
however awful it may seem, imagine your life without it. What would your life be like? and
How would you move on? It’s not only important to be prepared for losses brought on by change,
but it’s also important to embrace them. However awful As counterintuitive as it may seem,
some things shine brighter through their fleeting nature. Sometimes a relationship
ends when its has reached its peak, or a house is sold before there have been any negative memories
made inside. Instead of mourning the loss of such things, one can also be thankful for how
pure and joyful the memories of these things will always remain. Change is beautiful. Be thankful
for what was and prepare for that which will come. Only then can you move on from anything.
3. Be Grateful In the words of
Buddha “Let us rise up and be thankful. For if we didn’t learn a lot at least we learned a little,
and if we didn’t learn a little, at least we didn’t get sick, and if we got sick, at least
we didn’t die; so, let us all be thankful.” Buddhism teaches that people should focus on
being good and not think only about themselves. Buddhists are not selfish. They find happiness
in being happy for what they already have and not always wanting more. Sometimes, we act selfishly
because we think we deserve things, like rewards, because we're nice or helpful. But thinking like
this can make us feel disappointed because we might not always get what we think we deserve.
Also, we can't always trust our own feelings about what we deserve or what will make us
happy. It's like our own subconscious is tricking ourselves. Buddhism teaches us
that there's no fixed "self." This means that our feelings and desires change all the time,
so it's hard to say we truly deserve something. How can we want something
so much when our future self might not even want it anymore? It’s like filling up your
third plate at the all-you-can-eat buffet - You think you want it right now, but there’s
a very strong chance that in just a few minutes’ time much of what you took will end up wasted.
So, how can we want less and be happier? Well, it's as simple as being thankful for
what we already have. When we're thankful, we start to feel good about the things we have,
even the small things. This helps us not feel sad about things we lose or things we can't have and
instead helps us focus on what's good now and what will be good in the future. When we're thankful
for what we have now, it's easier to let go of things and move on to the next thing in life.
4. `Increase Your Confidence Buddha considers that “We
are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think. When the mind is pure,
joy follows like a shadow that never leaves.” One of the best ways to avoid lingering in the
past is to be confident. If one is confident, they don’t feel the need to cling to things;
when they have themselves, they have enough. Many people think that in order to be confident,
you must know yourself and what you have to offer intimately. However, with the concept of anattā,
there’s no constant ‘self’ to know. So how could anattā make us anything but self-conscious?
People have a tendency to forget that we are all works in progress. Our flaws aren’t permanent;
we can grow out of them or work on ourselves. An inability to acknowledge this, which many people
have, is detrimental to our ability to improve. What many get wrong, is that a tight view of
who you are is more like a cage than anything else. In a strict definition, there’s no room
for growth. If you describe yourself as ‘kind,’ you imply that you are already kind, and there
is nothing you have to do for that status. But by keeping yourself undefined, and realizing
you change all the time, you have to be kind again and again in order to consider yourself to be so.
Moreover, when you define yourself with bad traits, it becomes way harder to quit
bad habits. If you are generally considered to be ‘lazy’ or ‘impulsive,’ for example,
and you start identifying your ‘self’ with such traits, you’ll have no motivation to
change your habits. How could you be less lazy or impulsive if that’s ‘just who you are’? How
are you expected to move on from who you are? Instead, nobody just ‘is.’ As anattā makes clear,
we are different people from who we used to be, and we will be different people from who we are
now in the future. All the ways that we consider ourselves to be can be put to question day after
day. Do you want to be kind? Well, what are you going to do today to achieve that title? How
will you behave kindly? And do you wish that you weren’t lazy? Well, you don’t have to be! How can
you act today in order not to deserve that label? Now, the idea isn’t to deny your flaws or wave
away your insecurities. They are there, and you can feel them - that much is certain. The
idea is to not let them define you and not to act accordingly. According to Buddhism,
insecurities are unavoidable. But our paralyzing fear when we encounter them is.
Insecurities make one feel inadequate, broken, and irredeemable - when, in fact, we are all the
very opposite. There is so much room for growth if we allow ourselves to grow instead of cower. So,
we should instead embrace our insecurities. We should get to know them, analyze them,
and with that knowledge, work on them! Anattā gives you complete freedom to be
as you want to be through action and growth. As a result, you will find that you have complete
control over who you are and want to be. Instead of ‘working with what you got,’ as many put it,
you can create yourself. Anything about your personality that you are self-conscious about,
you can change - starting now! The confidence, then, should come from your complete freedom
to shape yourself. And with the freedom to shape yourself, comes the idea that you are
not dependent on anything; you can move through this world freely, and move on from anything.
5. Forgive To quote Buddha
“Forgive others not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace.”
One of the hardest human practices, some might say, is the practice of forgiving others. It’s
also one of the biggest reasons people find they cannot move on from some past happening;
because they hold grudges. Buddhism is famous for offering gentle lessons on kindness, compassion,
and forgiveness. But how could they teach us to forgive those that have wronged us, when doing so
feels so painful and unnatural? If forgiveness is seen as a gift, then why gift it to people
who you feel don’t deserve it? Buddhism, however, flips this idea of forgiveness on its head. It’s
wrong to think of forgiveness as something you do for the person you’re forgiving; instead, you
should see it as something you do for yourself. Forgiving others is the hardest to do when you
care a lot about what you are supposed to be forgiving them for - if you didn’t care,
forgiving them wouldn’t be that hard. So when you don’t forgive people for what they have done to
you, you implicitly state that this wrongdoing is something that still haunts you. In other words:
you are tied to the past. Without the ability to forgive, we wallow in past hurt and pain. . It
occupies us with what we cannot change and prevents us from moving on and growing. A
Buddhist story describes two men meeting, one of which had been wrongfully imprisoned for years.
The other man asks him if he’s forgiven his captors since becoming free. The man says no,
never. The former man then says, ‘Then you are not free at all, but still imprisoned.’
Think back to the concept of anattā: of our ever-changing self. This goes
for others as well. The person we blame for our pain is no longer there, and instead,
some new version of them has appeared. They were - and still are - as incomplete as we ourselves
are. They have more to learn and need more room to grow. The person we are mad at isn’t a bad person,
but simply a fluid person who did something bad once. We can’t view them as who they were
forever. Just as we are insecure and make our mistakes, so too others. And so everyone is
forever reshaping themselves into something else. Thus, clinging onto our blame is like living in
a fantasy; we are obsessed with someone who no longer exists, with a situation that is long over.
Forgiveness is the way to move on. This doesn’t mean that you render the actions you forgive as
harmless or justified. Forgiveness isn’t saying that it is okay to have someone treat you like
that. Rather, forgiveness can acknowledge how bad something was without wallowing in it.
One of the ways you can practice forgiving others is by meditating on those who wronged you. While
you are meditating, imagine a version of yourself as one holding onto the grudge,
and another version of yourself that’s free from that grudge, happy and forgiving. Ask yourself
what version you would like to be. If you chose the second, then imagine the person who hurt you.
Try to see their perspective. Why did they hurt you? Did they do it intentionally? Why would they
want to do that? Hurting somebody is rarely, if ever, just for the sake of hurting. Really try
to understand that, and try to understand the person in question. When you find that you can
see why they behaved the way they did, then you can overcome it. End the meditation with being
thankful. Thank them for giving you this wonderful opportunity to grow. Because they hurt you and
you overcame it, you’ve learned something new. Forgiveness isn’t weak or naive - it’s brave.
It requires you to let go of the past and move on, and that requires effort and guts. Moreover,
when you learn to forgive others, it becomes easier to forgive yourself as well. Forgiveness
is like a muscle you train: the more you use it, the more effortless it becomes.
Forgiving is essential to moving on, and moving on is essential to our growth and improvement.
6. Be Compassionate In our final quote
from Buddha for this video, he says “In compassion lies the world's true strength.”
To add to the point of forgiveness, there’s a crucial point to be made about compassion
in general. Compassion in Buddhism, is also called karuṇā. Karuṇā is, literally said,
the wish to free others from pain and suffering. You have to be able to notice others suffering,
and be willing to help them recover from it. Contrary to popular belief,
it’s not enough to just recognize the suffering of others, or to empathize;
you must want to help, too. True compassion is taking action.
All of us have probably been compassionate or kind a few times but it’s not nearly as much as
we could do, and also not close to what one should practice according to Buddhism. All Too often,
we are too preoccupied with our own troubles to notice those of others,
and when we do we feel too busy to be of help. So how could one be more compassionate? Try to think
of every human being not just as a passenger or stranger, but as someone’s child, parent,
or friend. Try to think of what you would like to happen if you were in another person’s shoes.
One of the best ways to learn how to do this is to meditate and use mindfulness. Mindful meditation
should help you let go of what preoccupies you and look beyond. It urges one to see the big picture,
think objectively, and let go of biases. For example, take a few minutes every day
to sit down and think: did I see anyone in need? Could I have helped them? If so,
how? Have I been kind today? And how can I be kinder towards others tomorrow? Is there something
that prevents me from acting compassionate? And can I change that? Have I judged other people
today and why? What would I feel if I let go of my judgment? These questions might seem simple
and obvious, but very few actually take time to consciously think about such things in their
day-to-day life. And Doing so could do wonders. Karuṇā is, aside from absolutely necessary for
us as a species to survive, one of the greatest motivations to ever exist. You can always relieve
someone’s suffering or help someone through a tough time. Even when you have nothing else, you
have the ability to be there for somebody. Even those who are going through a deep depression,
can benefit a lot by helping others when someone needs them. It’s easier to forget
your own pain when confronted by that of someone else, and it also becomes easier
to be compassionate towards your own pain after you’ve been compassionate to another. The more
compassion you practice having for others, the more self-compassion you will develop as well.
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