But Baby You Love that I'm An Idiot_mixdown
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Speaker: [00:00:00] Here we go. Hello.

Speaker 2: I was gonna get ready.

Speaker: Is your chair automated?

Speaker 2: No, I have a, I have a standing desk that I have my camera on. Oh,

Speaker: I thought your chair just went down like that. I was like, what kind of fancy desk chairs? This fancy?

Speaker 2: No, I bought, I have two standing desks in my office. One is where I have all my equipment on and one is where I do work on.

Speaker: I didn't know you were such a standing desk aficionado.

Speaker 2: I have three computers in here. I have two standing desks

Speaker: and a Partridge in pantry. In a pantry. Anyways, hello everyone, and welcome to the Mr. Pick, me of the Man Hate Show. I'm your host Reagan, AKA, the man hater, even though I don't hate men. And this is

Speaker 2: Checo, a k, a, Mr.

Pick Me, who's already been picked. And today's episode is brought to you by Tahin. Sprinkle it on some cucumbers. Have you had tahin on cucumbers before? [00:01:00]

Speaker: No. Oh, cucumbers. I can honestly say I haven't.

Speaker 2: Some uh, some lemon juice

Speaker: on 'em

Speaker 2: and then a little tahin. If you don't have tahin, you can just put some, uh, some salt on it.

Very uh, you white

Speaker: lady?

Speaker 2: Yeah.

Speaker: If you can't handle tahin, oh, you have some mayonnaise? I know you do. You can put some, may you do. If you don't have

Speaker 2: lemon juice or tahin, you can use mayonnaise and salt.

Speaker: Like do you have salt? Be honest. I love seasoning for the record.

Speaker 2: I believe it. I have some,

Speaker: I have some interesting seasonings in my

Speaker 2: Do you like pepper,

Speaker: lemon, pepper?

Actually,

Speaker 2: paprika. Would a white person have this and it's orange Tic Tacs.

Speaker: I got it from a man on the street who said it was street paprika. I do have paprika. Remember when I was, I was cooking the mm-hmm. We went to Ecuador and I was cooking Ecuadorian dishes. Yeah. I have all the seasonings from that.

They are good.

Speaker 2: Got [00:02:00] powdered onion.

Speaker: I do have that

Speaker 2: powdered garlic.

Speaker: Yep.

Speaker 2: Those are my two. I, I throw those in like everything. It's just

Speaker: everything. Mm-hmm. I love paprika. That's a good one. Sometimes I make things too hot on accident. Mm-hmm. Been doing that. I, once you start throwing jalapenos in things, that was my mistake, was not knowing when you have jalapenos.

I was like, oh god, Jesus.

Speaker 2: I don't, I I have, I don't think I have a high heat tolerance until I meet people that don't have like, really don't have a high, high heat tolerance and I'm like, oh, like I felt like such. A scam artist is saying I'm Latino with my kids. Because they were like, one day, and this is, I was like, oh no, I don't get to say call myself Latino anymore.

They, I gave the, they my, my youngest was like, this is spicy. And I was like, what is it? And it was ketchup. It was ketchup.

Speaker: That's pretty bad. That's, I thought when I was a kid, I used, I used to, when I was kid, what'd I say? Mm-hmm. When I was a kid. Mm-hmm. Just one. I [00:03:00] said that pizza was spicy because mm-hmm.

I swear I'm one of the, I think my taste buds are all sensitive, all jacked up. Like if I eat something spicy, like my mouth swell, like, they're like a, i I made fall one time. Mm-hmm. And I really put too much spice in there. Mm-hmm. And then I put, um, jalapenos and I, they were sitting in there. And I think it just was getting spicier and spicier.

Speaker 3: Mm-hmm.

Speaker: And then I, as I was eating, I was like, this is so good. I was like, Ooh, it's a little s spicy. And then the more I ate it, I was like, swelling. I look like I had filler put in my lips. Oh, no. And, but it was, that's so good. I kept eating. Yeah. So I, um,

Speaker 2: I, I think what it is is I, I think I was just figuring it out in my head.

I, I have a higher heat tolerance. Mm-hmm. But I also have extremely sensitive sense of smell. Ooh. And so it like, it like extremely sensitive. Uh, and so I think the combination of like, so I feel like sometimes I'm like, oh, I, I can't eat that right now because it overwhelms me from a [00:04:00] sensory perspective.

It's not the heat itself, it's more like mm-hmm. Usually spicy things or oftentimes have a very strong scent to them too. Mm-hmm. And so

Speaker: I, I see, I love the spicy melt. It's like I just can't handle the heat. Like I, I cannot do it. And I'll also start to lose my taste foods. Like if I eat too much spicy, I'm like, I can't taste this anymore.

I think something's wrong.

Speaker 2: How do you handle sour things? I love sour things because I can eat a lemon, like an orange, and it doesn't, like you just put salt on lemon and just My daughter does that. Yeah. And it's, it doesn't bug me apparently as a,

Speaker: as a toddler. She was, or like, like even under that she would like wanna eat lemons.

And I was like, ah. It's like, this is normal. Apparently normal. Apparently

Speaker 2: there's, it's a genetic thing. Some people are genetically predisposed to have less of a sensitivity to, to sour. Things.

Speaker: Oh, I, I don't, mm-hmm. I don't know if I'm less sensitive to them, but I love them. Like sour candy in particular.

But if you were buy,

Speaker 2: if you were to bite into a lemon, what would it, would you do the normal like kind of uh, taste? Probably, but I'm

Speaker: [00:05:00] dramatic. Yeah.

Speaker 2: Nearly. 'cause I need to perform the show. The show will a lemon eating needs because, you know, it's funny, I do have pictures of me, like with friends when they would like uhhuh, they would do like lemon.

Let's see what happens. Yeah. And they have pictures of me like hamming it up. Yeah. Because I was like, this is what normal people do when they eat lemons. When then I would go home and just like literally peel a lemon and just like.

Speaker: You're, you're a faker and a phony. I

Speaker 2: was, I was a big phony. Goes back to the, what is that?

Speaker: It's from Greece. You're a faker and a uh, faker. And a phony. And I wish I'd never laid eyes on you.

Speaker 2: It goes by one of my favorite jokes about autism though. It's like, oh, you have a great personality. It's like, thanks, I made it just for you. Or Thanks, it's yours. I'm hearing you. It's just yours. Yeah. You like, and that's good though.

It means you have good self-esteem. You like yourself. I'm gifting you. You,

Speaker: this is you.

Speaker 2: Yeah. Uh, this is, do you remember the dream? This is you the song?

Speaker 4: No,

Speaker 2: this is me.

Speaker 4: Wait, we're different [00:06:00] asking. You and I are nothing alike. What is you? Is they And this is me. This is me. Hold

Speaker 2: on. I gotta look it up. This

Speaker: is really good for our listeners.

This is great.

Speaker 2: No, no. They need to hear. This is me by dream. Play

Speaker: it. We can't play it. No. Yes we can. You can't. No, no. It's copyright. We can't play. You can sing it.

Speaker 2: Well, let me hear it and then I can sing it. This is me. We're different as can be. You, she and I are nothing a like you are confusing day with night.

This is now. No.

Speaker: What is the, what is the premise of this? Like why are we differentiating? This is me. I don't,

Speaker 2: I don't remember.

Speaker: Is she competing with this woman? Is she being confused with this woman?

Speaker 2: It's a great question that I need context. Damn it. Listen, I have to listen to it again, but I freaking loved This is me by dream.

If you are a listener and you also listen to, this Is Me by dream, we are kindred spirits. I [00:07:00] had I, alright, I'm gonna go on another tangent. Okay.

Speaker: No, I was,

Speaker 2: no, no, no. I was thinking about this, about how I feel bad for Gen Z. Uh, and in a sense that they, there it everything. Ha the cringe culture aspect of Gen Z.

Yes. I feel like this is not me saying negative things about gen. I love Gen ZI, but I genuinely feel bad about this. Like there's this fear of liking the wrong things.

Speaker 4: Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2: Right? Of like, oh, oh, I really like this band. Oh, you like them? Right? And finding out, oh no, I like the one that's being canceled by this week.

Or for no reason other than, or just

Speaker: not liked. Yeah. Being made

Speaker 2: fun of, you know, like there's always that, that new song that everyone's like, oh my God, I can't believe you liked so and so.

Speaker 3: Yeah.

Speaker 2: Um, for And so, but like, when, when, especially you, this might be, you might be like an in between, but I Were you like in the Napster and Limewire era

Speaker: been, I was at the tail end of that for sure.

Okay. So you were

Speaker 2: at the, so like when I was in like college, uh, like I got most of my music from Limewire and most stuff [00:08:00] was like allegedly a Yeah. Yeah. I mean, no, I downloaded it for nine, 9 cents on uh, apple Music. Uh, I iTunes at the time, same. But I would, I would download my, and everything was mislabeled, so I would find like random bands.

I'm like, this is my new favorite song. And I'd be like, have you heard of this? Mm-hmm. And everyone would be like, no, no. Like my fa this is, uh, there was a running joke. My friends will laugh if they, they don't listen to our podcast 'cause. That's fine. Uh, um, I was, I was obsessed with this, this, uh, pop singer named Fifi Dobson.

Have I talked about Fifi Dobson on here before?

Speaker: Sounds familiar. So maybe I might have brought her up

Speaker 2: before. 'cause it was, I thought she was like the, and I still, I think she made the best pop like album of that era. Wow. And then the whole Britney Spears Backstreet Boys era. It was so good. But, uh, apparently she got, like, she was big in like Canada and in in Europe.

Mm-hmm. [00:09:00] Um, and she didn't get picked up here because of racism. Uh, God, god dammit. It's always racism. She's black woman and they're like, no, no, we need to focus on like the Britney Spears, Christina ez, uh, that, that have, that that white, uh, kind of like to the White America appeal. If you look up Fifi, Dobson bad, I'm putting her on my

Speaker: phone.

Bad boyfriend.

Speaker 2: Bad boyfriend is, the name is the, is one of my favorite songs. The whole album's like full of bangers, like from from beginning to end. It's, so I listened to it the like a couple weeks ago. It's so good still. But I kept trying to make, and it was the, the running joke was, stop trying to make Fifi Dobson happen.

It's not gonna

Speaker: happen.

Speaker 2: I, no one's listening to PPE do. I was like, why not? It's so good. They, and we'd have a, we'd be able to hanging out. I'm like, Hey, I'm gonna. I'm gonna put, do you guys mind if I put it on the music? No. CHASCo. No Fifi. Don't put on Fifi.

Speaker: That would be me with like movies. 'cause I was always seeing the weirdest, like Sci-fi 3:00 AM mm-hmm.

Movie I loved, like really weird movies. [00:10:00] I really liked Blade Two, which was like this disturbed, like I, oh, the Blade

Speaker 2: Blade movies are great. I'm with you.

Speaker: But like their, their mouths are

Speaker 2: Yeah. Opening up. I exactly what you're talking about.

Speaker: They're these creatures. And I'd just be with the girls and be like, you guys Blade two.

They're like, Ew. What? I'm like, nevermind. Nevermind.

Speaker 2: Yeah. So I, long story short, I think it was, it was, it was kind of a blissfully unaware era. Yeah. Where you could like, like where, where I think there was still, obviously we curated music. We had TRL, we had all the, yeah, it was being fed to us, but it was still just this moment where you could like randomly.

Fall into like, I was really into emo music. Nobody I knew was into emo music, but it was fine. It was just the music I was into. Uh, like I was really into, like, there was a group called Anton and the Johnsons, which was this really kind of some obscure indie rock group where the lead singer was, uh, a trans woman, uh, like you should it Bird Girl.

I'm write that down. [00:11:00] Haunting voice in the, in a in the best way. Like, uh, but there, there was a song called Bird Girl. I was like, listen to this. And it's not like the kind of thing you dance to, it's very much headphone music. Sure. Um, but there were, there was all this stuff and it was like, nowadays I feel like if I were to do the same stuff that it would be like, like it would be looked at like, oh no, you're, you're only allowed to like these four bands.

Or, and, and unless you're like, cool. I'm sure they still have the cool indie hipster, but I was not cool indie hipster. I was just weird. I feel like liked random shit.

Speaker: If I think there, there's like a double-edged sword, I think, because on the one hand there's. This pressure on artists now they have to go viral.

Mm-hmm. Which even Halsey has talked about, which is crazy. Like Halsey, I love Halsey. Halsey has come out and basically said that they decided her record label, like your last album wasn't successful enough. You can't make music if, when you asked them like, why they haven't done an album. That's what she says.

Mm-hmm. So, so I, [00:12:00] and she's posted videos I remember on TikTok where she was like, I have to, this has to go viral mm-hmm. For them to let me do this. Mm-hmm. So like, I, I think there's pressure now for artists to go quote unquote viral. Mm-hmm. But there's also the ability to hear really niche music.

Speaker 2: That's the other side of it.

I do think we, the, the discoverability of random people mm-hmm. Now is unparalleled to any other part of our, like, like where somebody could just put a music online, go viral.

Speaker: Like the hand, uh, that song is haunting. Let me, let me double check who the name of that person by Annabel dda. It is one of the most haunting like.

Powerful songs. Mm-hmm. And now, uh, it's been released like a, across all platforms. Mm-hmm. But you, you know, you just get these tiny bits of it. So I, I do love that, like, music, like musically speaking.

Speaker 3: Mm-hmm.

Speaker: You, there is an ability to get to more niche or, or like smaller artists, [00:13:00] um, but as a whole, like, as just the consumer of things, like young people and that generation.

Mm-hmm. I feel, I do feel empathy for cringe culture. Mm-hmm. And this, this debilitating fear of being cringe. 'cause like, the only reason I survived, like growing up was I didn't care. Mm-hmm.

Speaker 3: Like

Speaker: I, it's not that I thought I was cool, um, but like I, you know, I was just eccentric and like, loved theater and was a weird person.

Speaker 2: I would, yeah. I would add on. Uh, it might have been present back then as well, but I didn't know I was autistic and I was just blissfully unaware that I was like, yeah, I like all this shit. It is sweet. Yeah,

Speaker: it's, well, it's like I didn't, there, like, if someone didn't like that, I liked it. I was like, mm-hmm.

Well, that's fine. Like, I, that's fine that you don't like it. Um, I, I think now there is so much more pressure to be like, to not be cringe. Mm-hmm. Like, there's such a fear of it that, that makes me really sad because I feel like a lot of people don't [00:14:00] branch out. Mm-hmm. Like there was always popular, not popular like that, social norms, all of those things existed.

Existed, existed. Of course, of course. Yeah. But there wasn't like, I guess you could be uncool, but like mm-hmm. There wasn't this huge focus on cringe. Mm-hmm. Like, like you weren't, there wasn't one word. Or like, you know, now it's hashtag cringe. Cringe content. Mm-hmm. Cringe worthy. Like, there's just this culture of what is cringe when like, at the end of the day, it's all.

Speaker 3: Yeah.

Speaker: It's made up like it's all mm-hmm. It is like, was cringe in one place would not be cringe in another. Mm-hmm. One person could do something and be cringe, then another person could do it, and it's literally high fashion. You know what I mean? Mm-hmm. It's just like, I, I think that's really hard. Mm-hmm.

And I think realizing like, everybody's cringe. Like everybody's cringe because at some point you will do something that someone else would define as cringe, but as long as you enjoy it and it's not harming anyone. Mm-hmm. Side note, like, who cares? Who cares? I like, I don't care. I'm lucky I grew up without the whole fear of cringe.

[00:15:00] Mm-hmm. Um, this is, is not at all our topical, so it's not Sorry that was a

Speaker 2: 10 minute, uh, little tangent. A 20

Speaker: minute, 20 minute tangent. Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2: On nothing to do with what we're talking about today. Today. Wait, but this might make us cringe. Oh. Oh. We are gonna cringe at the opinion of these guys, about the being an incompetent husband.

Theme song. You

Speaker 4: want bad advice, man. I'll give it out. Glad I got some good advice for you. You don't, I know you don't. I got some good advice. You don't. I know you don't.

Speaker: Shit. Ooh, I will cringe at this. I hate this.

Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.

Speaker: I hate this. I already know.

Speaker 2: It made me so mad. Oh no. It's that bad. It well, it, it's, it's bad because, well, you'll see here play.

Let's just go, let's, let's play it for the viewers. You'll see why. You'll see why it, uh, annoyed me.

Speaker: We've had enough [00:16:00] tangents. Mm-hmm.

Speaker 5: Moms be honest. Secretly, do you hope that you go out for a, a family thing? Do you secretly hope the house falls apart?

Speaker 3: Mm-hmm.

Speaker 5: To be like, where's mom? Where's the how do I, how do we cook?

Yeah. Uh, how do we, where do we find the kids' diapers? What's the school like? Where does the sh where are the socks and shoes at? Where does the fabric softener mm-hmm. Everybody at their job. Yes. Hopefully, I think hopes that it does kind of fall apart. Of course, dude. Yeah. Everybody thinks that. Of course.

Yeah. Of course. Yeah. And if your job is the house, then you, you, you secretly hope that falls apart. Yes. Versus go, oh, you've been gone for sure.

Speaker 2: What's his goal there? I think to, to be like, look, I'm, I'm showing her how much I appreciate her by being such a shitty fucking caretaker whenever she leaves the house.

By being a able to do, by be, it's, it's weaponizing [00:17:00] confidence in another package.

Speaker: Yeah. I think. It. I, I ask that because I'm like, this is coming from a perspective, I'm just not a hundred percent as to what that perspective is. Like. What, what do you get out of this conversation? Yeah. Like if women were to say, yes, we secretly hope that mm-hmm.

Like, what, what is to be gained here?

Speaker 2: It's a justification for them being shitty then.

Speaker: A hundred percent.

Speaker 2: Yeah. But,

Speaker: but I think there's something real in the sense of I do know women. Mm-hmm. Um. And I'm sure there are men that do this, but I do know women who do everything at the house. Mm-hmm. Everything.

Mm-hmm. And they do wish their partner could realize that. And the time that it happens is often when they're away. Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2: I think, and that's the key. The key is the, if the reason why, I think it's, it's almost like a trauma response, right? Mm-hmm. It's like, oh, I'm finally getting acknowledgement that I bring value to this house because of how badly it affected you [00:18:00] when the reality is, if you were showing normal appreciation that for your spouse that you should for the work that they do, and that that's a, a, a, both of you doing that for each other, then they wouldn't, then they would all much rather have it a situation where they could leave the house and come back and not have to do twice as much work for the next week to catch up on.

Everything they're doing. So it's, it's not that I un I understand the premise of this, right? Mm-hmm. About why somebody would feel good about it. That's not what, I'm not critiquing someone that feels good about it. Sure. I'm critiquing men using that as a reason to not be better, to not be, uh, an active member of their household.

Speaker: Well, it makes you wonder because again, like mm-hmm. It's not just the conversation that I am interested in, but it's also like why someone brings up the conversation. Because like, underneath it, it's like, your secret's safe with us or safe with me moms.

Speaker 3: Mm-hmm.

Speaker: And it's like, okay, I feel [00:19:00] like you have that reaction and you are desperate to think that no, she secretly enjoys it.

Mm-hmm. Because it makes you feel like less of a failure.

Speaker 4: Right? Right.

Speaker: Like to, to say that, oh, this is actually a positive. Like even though like she, maybe she's upset like. Deep down she feels good about it because, you know, this is her job, which is like, okay, so now it's a job. Now we talk about it like it's a job only one.

Speaker 2: It benefits you, it's a job.

Speaker: Yeah, exactly. Every other time. Do you say it's a job? Yeah. Mm-hmm. Do you give her hours? Do you let her clock out?

Speaker 2: Mm-hmm. I doubt it.

Speaker: I actually feel like I've yelled at this man on the internet before. Yeah, it looks familiar.

Speaker 2: The, the way he justifies it though is like, yeah, my job, I, I love when I'm like.

I don't even understand that concept. Like I, I like, so I ran a speech and debate program for years and I had assistant coaches that, that I hired and that that worked with the team. If I had to be gone, nothing would've made me feel shittier than if I was gone for a week or two and I came [00:20:00] back and I had to then do.

Everything. Right. You know, what made me feel good as a, as a director of that program, knowing that I could be gone for a week, two weeks, however long, if something, if a tragedy happened or something I had to be away from, and knowing that the, that the, uh, the program wouldn't suffer without me knowing that I had done, done a good enough job or like that, that they cared enough about it, that they were capable enough that I didn't have to then do all this extra stuff just so the program wouldn't fall apart when I was gone.

Speaker: I think you're right. I think this is very revealing as to mm-hmm. Their perspective on the world, because it's like, how egotistical do you have to be to really revel in failure? Right. And like dysfunction.

Speaker 3: Mm-hmm.

Speaker: And like. A, as much as like, I agree, like I think it is a job, like I think, and I think, oh yeah, absolutely.

That should be treated more so as one. But like, we're not talking about like coworkers doing something at work, which I would be. Mm-hmm. To your point, devastated. If I was [00:21:00] gone and something bad happened, I would feel guilty. I wouldn't be like, ha ha. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Shows you like, what kind of place do you have to be in to like, revel in that.

Mm-hmm. Um, it, it, it's so self-focused. Mm-hmm. But in this case, like these are kids, like this is like mm-hmm. If the house falls apart, if the kids are suffering, if the kids are unhappy, like that's not something moms are like, yay. I love that that happened. Like it completely disregards one, the pain that the mom feels coming home to that.

But two, the part, the husband is playing in the dysfunction. Like if we're talking about jobs, then it's also your job too, isn't it, as a fellow parent. Mm-hmm. How bad are you at your job? Mm-hmm. That you can't function without her. Mm-hmm. You don't know where, where the diapers are.

Speaker 3: You don't know

Speaker: where the diapers are for your baby toddler in your house.

Like, give me a break.

Speaker 3: Mm-hmm.

Speaker: Like, you're just so desperate to make it [00:22:00] okay. What you're doing, and that's the part that's upsetting.

Speaker 2: Yeah. Saturday Night Live did a a, a sketch about, did you see that one about like the missing persons? Uh, outta a sketch that came out. I don't know if you there. Oh, yes, I was outside.

Speaker 3: Yeah,

Speaker 2: yeah, yeah. I was, I I it's been on, she, they, she was gone with no, no trace. She was like I told you every day for a week. It was on the calendar. There were these mystery notes on the fridge. It was like I had to piece them together.

Speaker: Like patchwork.

Speaker 2: Yeah. And it was just like, put this in the oven for at three 50 degrees for Yes.

I'm

Speaker: going to my mom's.

Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah. Um, but that, that's the, that's the, it's funny because of how real that is, and I, I was just thinking about the, the example I gave about the, the speech and debate program. There was one program I was working for where I felt so undervalued. It was so toxic and so terrible.

And you know what the, this is the one example. When I did leave and they didn't do as well.

Speaker 3: Mm-hmm. I

Speaker 2: felt like I was, I was like, should've known what you had, [00:23:00] you know, when I was there. I bet you wish you treated me nicer when I was there. Mm-hmm. That's, that's exactly what they're getting at right here.

Right. But if you, if you have undervalued and treated like shit the entire time for doing all of this immeasurable work, right. This work that is, is, is disrespected. And so it, then yeah, of course you're gonna feel good. Like, look, 'cause then they're finally acknowledged. Like I said, it goes back to what I said earlier.

You're finally being acknowledged that you have value, right? Mm-hmm. The better trait would be just to value your partner for doing the work that they do, if that's the setup you have, right? Mm-hmm. In, in your household, so that when they leave, they don't have to seek out this. Hidden acknowledgement that they, that what they do is valuable so that they can just be happy.

They have a, a capable partner.

Speaker: I feel like not to get too deep, because mm-hmm. I know I'm constantly accused of that. There's a lot like two like abusey type of ideas here that, that are really kind of rubbing me the right, the wrong, the [00:24:00] right way. Love it. It

Speaker 4: coming me the right way.

Speaker: It's really rubbing.

No. Ugh, ta No, it's the wrong way. Tahin rubbed you the right way. What was I talking about? Now I'm lost. Thinking about, okay,

Speaker 2: we're not for the record, we're not actually sponsored by tahe it feeling, it sounds like we're actually, I wish Tahin, if you're listening, we happen to have a tahin uh, employee in our, in our midst.

Speaker: Let 'em know that we love it. Let 'em

Speaker 2: know. Mm-hmm.

Speaker: The way that they're saying they secretly like it. Mm-hmm. It reminds me of like, like a childish bad boyfriend where, you know, they would blow with me. Like, this is what you want. It, isn't it? You're just loving seeing me fall apart. Like that weird abuser's mentality of like, oh, you just love this.

You just wanted this to happen. You set this up to happen 'cause you get enjoyment out of it. Mm-hmm. Like, that is such an ass backwards, manipulative way of taking that reaction. And then like the second thing is kind of in [00:25:00] line with that, which is we're focusing on the reaction to the action rather than the action.

Mm-hmm. Which is such a manipulative tactic. Like, um, I, I just made a video about this, but. The idea of like, okay, an example being, say somebody's cheating on you and you feel, you know, they're cheating on you. So you go through their phone and you find proof and you say, look, I see this text message with this other woman.

Mm-hmm. And they're like, oh my God, how dare you go through, go through phone. Mm-hmm. My privacy, who cares what I did? This is so much worse. Like, this is egregious. You don't trust me.

Speaker 3: Mm-hmm.

Speaker: They make your reaction the problem rather than their action. And that's what we see here, which is like, it's not about the incompetent husband.

Mm-hmm. Who doesn't know where the diapers are and who can't take care of the kids for the short amount of time that he's with them. 'cause clearly this is an unusual event for him to be alone with them. We need to talk about like, ah, but I think she secretly enjoys it. I think she actually likes it, [00:26:00] even though she's very upset.

Like, let's be real. You, you like it because like mm-hmm. Lord knows we need to hear two men on a podcast saying how much she actually loved it. Like Right. We need more of that in this world.

Speaker 2: Mm-hmm. Because that's what I, when I, the women I know are constantly telling us about how much they enjoy having to prepare for weeks to take any time off, you know, for a vacation about how they love making little manuals and worksheets and, uh, prepping their, their child of a husband to know what to do in case of an emergency and what their schedule is and all that goes on.

Just so they can take a week off to visit their mom or something. You know, it, it's absurd.

Speaker: Did you see the mom who left for four days?

Speaker 2: No. No. What happened? No. What happened?

Speaker: Oh my God. I feel like we should do that video too. So this mom [00:27:00] left mm-hmm. For four days.

Speaker 3: Mm-hmm.

Speaker: She comes back, she has I think three kids.

She comes back after four days. Uh, the daughter's hair has not been changed, meaning she's had no baths.

Speaker 3: Mm-hmm.

Speaker: And, and like it was like in this, uh, like this multiple ponytail formation. Mm-hmm. So she's just been in the same hairdo, like, that's so bad for your hair. That's probably painful for the child to sleep on that not been touched.

Mm-hmm. Clearly none of the kids have been bathed. Mm-hmm. Which poor depo pushing it, I think in any circumstance. Mm-hmm. Uh, the boy is in like clothes that are too small for him that maybe is one of the other kids. Mm-hmm. And the baby is in the same onesie. The same onesie that she left him in. It's a baby.

And like it's giving the vibe of like, this is so cute and quirky and like, of [00:28:00] course everyone's like, Hey, this is not funny. This is not good. They're, they're supporting her. They're like trying to be supportive of her.

Speaker 2: Hey, just so you know.

Speaker: Well, yeah. They're like, this is actually neglect.

Speaker 2: Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Absolutely. And that's, it teaches her that she can't leave again.

Speaker: Well, and certainly like, the bathing is bad. The hair's bad, but like the mm-hmm. The baby being in the same onesie, that's how small the baby is. It's mm-hmm. Still wears a onesie like over four days with mm-hmm. How babies are like mm-hmm.

How much, I mean, I think about how I would have to change onesies like three times a day at least. Oh

Speaker 4: yeah. Oh yeah. Just with

Speaker: food and all other things. Mm-hmm. So the idea that this poor baby hasn't been changed and then, and then people have pushback. And the thing that's crazy is a lot of times the. I don't, I wouldn't even call it pushback necessarily.

It's like support. Mm-hmm. Like mm-hmm. Trying to support the wife and be like, Hey, that's bad. Like, you deserve better or that shouldn't be happening.

Speaker 3: Mm-hmm.

Speaker: So often the [00:29:00] response is as if she and he are being attacked. Mm-hmm. Almost like she didn't invite this scenario in, like, you put this out there, you, you presented it.

Speaker 3: Mm-hmm. And

Speaker: then they'll be like, why are you, why are you getting in my personal life? Mm-hmm. It's like, well, you kind of posted about it. Mm-hmm. Well, then she comes back with this long video that's like my husband's, someone in his family died a year ago and this was around the, this was the anniversary.

So I think he did great and like, how dare you judge him during this troubling time. I was so proud of him. This has been such a hard time for him. I almost didn't leave on this trip because. Mm-hmm. You know, the anniversary and like, I, I, I have no idea what went on. I am sure this was a hard time for him.

I'm not doubting that at all. Mm-hmm. But it was like, whoa, what, what are we talking about here? Like, you posted the video. It wasn't like people came outta nowhere and were judging him and she just was like defending him. Just, [00:30:00] it was just so much. I think the

Speaker 2: issue is though, 'cause if she had done the same thing.

She would've been torn apart as a terrible mother. Right? Oh, well, she's dealing with mental health. It doesn't matter. You still gotta take care of your kids. She had CPS called

Speaker: mm-hmm. Online. Mm-hmm. I mean, and, and people do call, sometimes people call for crazy reasons. Sometimes people call for the right reasons.

Speaker 3: Mm-hmm.

Speaker: But like, absolutely she would, somebody would've called cps. Mm-hmm. After the four days of not change. Like there's no question if someone, there's so many people on the internet.

Speaker 3: Mm-hmm.

Speaker: Uh, and, and like, just, just the way that she was defending him and like

Speaker 3: mm-hmm.

Speaker: I. Like, as much as I do get upset the way these women tend to respond, because a lot of times they attack people who are supporting them.

Mm-hmm. And I think a lot of times the, the humorous way that they talk about these things makes it very hard for other women to recognize that they're being like mistreated because mm-hmm. If you make a joke of the whole thing, then mm-hmm. That just, you know, kind of [00:31:00] validates that perspective. And so people or women who are in bad situations are like, oh, okay.

It is funny. Mm-hmm. Oh, okay. It's not bad. Okay. Like, this is kind of like a joke and, and lots of husbands do this and I don't have the right to be mad. Like, I think that's all incredibly toxic. Mm-hmm. But I, I do feel a lot of empathy mm-hmm. For these women because I'm like, do you really think this is normal?

Like, if that happened to me, if I came home from a four day trip and my daughter had not been bathed, her hair was not changed from how the day I left after four days mm-hmm. Had not been touched and. Was wearing the same outfit I left her in. Mm-hmm. I would be like, are you, well, what happened? Like mm-hmm.

Do I need to take you to the hospital? Like, what's going on that this happened? Like, this would be a very scary thing for me to find. Mm-hmm. The fact that she thought it was not only funny, but posted about it. Mm-hmm. Like, I, I, I, I have so much empathy for [00:32:00] women who would think like, oh, that's normal. Like, that have been tricked into believing that that's funny.

That's, that's social media content. That's cute. That, that makes her husband cute. Like, that was the impression was that mm-hmm. This was a cute, quirky thing he did. I feel empathy for women that have been led to believe that. Because the way she defended him, like I a hundred percent believe that she believes that.

And I, I do hold women accountable and I do understand that now she's a part of the problem. Mm-hmm. But like in general, it's so sad how many women have been made to believe that men who are supposedly the providers and a lot of these families are simultaneously babies. Mm-hmm. Who can't do basic tasks that parents should know how to do.

Like that to me is so sad.

Speaker 2: It's also reminding me a lot of the video you made about Dak Shepherd and Kristen Bell, uh, the idea of like, the hundred videos

Speaker: I've made now, well, no,

Speaker 2: the most recent one I think, or maybe it was where they're in the [00:33:00] car and she's talking about how, and it's like this idea that you can hear the coaching almost from like a manipulative guy that has been like, no, no, no, no, no.

This is what you are. Look at what you're doing. And so like, if, if he were to come back and, and like, you know, or she comes back and it's like, you could hear him say like, well this is, this is how guy, you know how guys are right? And she's like, you're right. That is how guys are, don't overreact. Come on, you're, you're gonna overreact to this.

You're gonna get hysterical, quote unquote, I'm using that word on purpose, uh, to over, over this thing that all men do, this biological thing that men the way we don't, uh, you're just better at it. You're just better at loving our children than I. This is just who I am. I can't help my biology. Right. And it's such a bullshit excuse and it's, it's demeaning to men.

It's not just demeaning to women, it's demeaning to themselves. And I hate it 'cause it's so derogatory to, to think that we're not fucking capable as [00:34:00] adults of being an active parent. Right. Regard, genderless idea of being a parent that is actively able to take care of your home. Mm-hmm. When your partner goes, I would be unbel if, if my wife.

Felt the need to make me a packet. 'cause she goes on a, i I usually buy her a trip to visit her friend every year for a week. If she there, then that very first one is a great example. If she felt the need to like make me a full, like bi because we have a house sitter sometimes for our dogs. Mm-hmm. And we'll make them a binder of everything.

Sure. 'cause we don't live here. Right. If she felt the need to do the same thing for me, I would be so not offended. I would be embarrassed. Right. Yeah. Like how, how sad is it that I'm such an incapable loaf on this, on this partnership on our house, that she didn't think she could leave me alone for five days without the house falling, without the need for all of these other things.

'cause I'm so uninvolved in my children's lives. There go. That's a soapbox moment, but

Speaker: no, [00:35:00] I, I love a soapbox. I'm usually right there with you. Uh, I, so if you haven't seen, it just goes, and I'm gonna just explain, because I wanna talk about a point from that video. So I did a video, there was an interview podcast, like car.

It was like they were in a car doing this weird interview thing, had Dak Shepherd, Kristen Bell was in the back, and then the I host, I'm guessing. Mm-hmm. And he brought up a moral dilemma and he said, would it be moral if someone who was married cheated on their partner, but it never affected the relationship in any way, and they never told them about it.

Is that a moral choice? So Kristen, her response to this is, you know, when I started. Out. That would not be my answer. Like, like, this answer has changed for me. I feel differently. When I got with Dax, I used to be very jealous, which is always weird when [00:36:00] people relate jealousy and cheating as like, they're the same issue.

That always freaks me out because I'm like, I, I know abusers often will, um, disguise their behavior by claiming women are jealous rather than mm-hmm. Again, remember a high set reaction versus action, right? Mm-hmm. You're, you're just jealous versus like, oh, I did, I crossed a boundary with another woman, or I'm flirting.

Mm-hmm. Anyways, so she said, I used to be jealous, but. I realized, you know, that was just, you know, society and the TV show saying, Hey, you know, girl, he cheated on you. You better leave him. Literally, that's go watch. You can watch the video. It's on my, uh, buckle up babes. SA nice guy, uh, TikTok, but that's exactly what she sounds like.

You better leave him and realizing that. You know, that was society's view, which again, we're not, that's not jealousy, that's cheating. And it's just very clear that she's been coached in some way, the way that she's talking about, like, she's talking really slow, she's trying to get the right words. Mm-hmm.[00:37:00]

I just, I, I think, but can I,

Speaker 2: can I bring up the part that she said too in that, that clip you posted where she's like, and I was thinking, you know, like, what, what's if he cheated on me versus like, if he were to drive drunk with our kids in the car? No, he,

Speaker: he, he pos that to her. Okay. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go, go.

No. So this, so this is when she had said she had a problem with cheating. Mm-hmm. Dax posed her a question, so pos her a, a scenario or a versus question. So, go ahead.

Speaker 2: Mm-hmm. What, but it was, it was basically what would, what would be worse? Me cheating on you or me driving drunk with our kids in the car, if I remember correctly.

That's what it was. And she's like, and of course like I could never come back from the driving drunk with the kids in the car. But, but I guess when you think of it and comparing those two things, of course, that's where they're both shitty.

Speaker: Well, and she goes, and so then that really put it into perspective.

What, what, what, no, that doesn't make it okay. Like just because you, he's, you've brought up something much more horrible.

Speaker 4: Yeah.

Speaker: Doesn't mean that the other thing's not bad too. Like if you have bring in [00:38:00] this horrible example to justify this other thing like that, then you are in the wrong, and, and so we see this manipulative behavior from men.

Mm-hmm. Anyone can do it, but a lot of men do it to women, which is like this idea of like, well, hold on. I don't think what you think is actually what you think. Mm-hmm. So in this case. My opinion is that Dax manipulated the situation. It's not you that has a problem with cheating. It's society. Mm-hmm.

Society trained you to have a problem with cheating and cheating's not actually even that bad. When you compare to, I don't driving drunk with kids, it's really bad.

Speaker 3: Mm-hmm.

Speaker: Right. It's just like, what? But like, if we look at this, where I, I feel, which is why I brought it up, is like that we're dealing with the same type of mentality, manipulative mentality, which it's like, no, no, no, no, no.

You, it, you're not actually upset when you come home and the house falls apart. You actually like it, you like, it doesn't make it make you

Speaker 4: feel good.

Speaker 2: Look at how, look how valuable you are.

Speaker: Yeah. You're like a, for the first time, I'm acknowledging this is a job because I want you to think

Speaker 2: [00:39:00] super mom.

Speaker: Yeah.

Super. Mom, you're so great. Mm-hmm. That everything falls apart when you're not around. Don't you love that? No. You secretly like it. You can tell us. Mm-hmm. Because here's the thing, some women who mm-hmm. Maybe haven't unpacked as many things. Mm-hmm. Maybe have more influences of toxic men are maybe gonna think, oh, well, I do kind of feel

Speaker 3: mm-hmm.

Speaker: Good. Mm-hmm. Maybe I do like it. Maybe I do like it when it happens, but it's like, and it completely ignores the real issue at hand. Just like the cheating versus mm-hmm. The Dax cheating idea. It's like, no, no, the problem is cheating, which is lying to your partner, which is betrayal. Mm-hmm. That's the problem.

Mm-hmm. And here it's like, no, no, no. It's not like, does she like it or does she not like it? Mm-hmm. What did you do? Which is you were not a good parent, you were not a good partner. You, you didn't know how to take basic care of your children. Like that's the problem. That's the issue. Mm-hmm. But they, they wanna, they wanna like turn it into this totally different thing [00:40:00] and it's really, it's really insidious and it's really.

It's really detrimental because I honestly believe women could hear that and be like, oh yeah, like, well, I guess I kind of do. Like, it's like, no, no, no, you don't like it 'cause you like it, you mm-hmm. You like that you're finally being seen that maybe you get a hint mm-hmm. Of validation that for once in your life, you're being recognized as what holds this family together.

Speaker 2: Mm-hmm. If you were, if you were in a situation, an environment where you are supported and respected and actively valued, not just like valued, but actively shown that you are valued, you don't need. These weird implicated scenarios to prove your value. Right. That that's, that's an that is, and it's totally understandable.

That's why I said I'm not judging anyone. That was like, yeah, that does feel good. Sure. When something like that, that happens, it's usually though a result. 'cause you're in a really shitty situation. I'm sure there's gonna be an exception and be like, no, I'm va whatever. This isn't about you. Then this is about, we're [00:41:00] talking about in general here, though, I do think it is this, if you're, if you're in a situation where your value is being shown.

In any way. It doesn't just, not just for stay at home moms, but in a, in a, in a workplace too. If you're being where you are valued, then there is no case. I actually don't, can't even think of a scenario where it would feel good to have to do more work when you got back because everything got fucked up.

No. You know,

Speaker: the only case would be, and you wouldn't be ha again, you would not be happy that everything was fucked up. It would be like, I feel like more like maybe, maybe for once he'll recognize that I do something. Mm-hmm. That's, that's the only case. And it's not happiness. It's like. It. It's like desperation, and again, I think you make an excellent point, which is that if all these other factors weren't present, you wouldn't feel that way.

Mm-hmm. If you were supported all the time and you came home to that mm-hmm. You wouldn't be pleased. Mm-hmm. You wouldn't love it. Mm-hmm. Because you'd be used to validation. Mm-hmm. This would not be new to you. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. You would, [00:42:00] you would simply have the house fell apart,

Speaker 2: I don't believe for a second.

Like it would be also one thing if this happened, and then the life, everything changed from that point forward. Right. Right. From that way forward, he came home and he was like, I cannot stress how great you make our life, how wonderful you are, all the work that you do, or is it gonna be used as an excuse now to be like, sweet, I don't have to get better.

She actually likes it when the house is trashed after going away for the weekend, because it show that, that's how I'll show my value going forward is by continuing to be a shitty unsupportive partner and father to, to our kids.

Speaker: And you know, more men than women are listening to that too, which mm-hmm.

They're probably pulling the same thing away, which is like, when they're shitty and their wife cries, they go to bed at night and they're like, you know, she actually likes it.

Speaker 3: Mm-hmm.

Speaker: You know, she's actually thrilled. It's like, no, no, no. That's a you thing my guy. That's what you are thinking. Mm-hmm.

Because [00:43:00] again, it, it's just a way to take accountability away from you and to also focus the blame. Like, they're not thinking about their selves, then they're thinking about her. Mm-hmm. Like her reaction. That's what we're thinking about. We're not thinking about my failures, we're not thinking about my, like as a father, as a partner.

No, no. We're thinking about her react, her reaction to my failure. That's what we'll think about. And it's just, it's all so very frustrating and like there's a weird line for so many women, which is like the women that post these things. It's something I've been struggling with because it happens all the time where like the second video I talked about, they'll post it and then they'll immediately attack the internet and double down.

Mm-hmm. On their man, which you're like. Whoa. That's opposite of what we wanted. Like, and it happens again and again and again, so many times. Mm-hmm. I just saw another video with the same thing where this woman was complaining because her husband hadn't talked to her in two weeks. Mm-hmm. And they lived together and she like, was just venting about that.

And then she attacked the internet [00:44:00] for when they had a problem with it. It,

Speaker 2: that's not, that's not okay.

Speaker: Yeah. She even said, she said, um, somebody contacted him about the video, which a lot of times is in, in defense of her, like mm-hmm. How many times has that happened? Where they're like, right. Is it this you, like you're bad husband.

Mm-hmm. And like, I guess contacted his sister maybe, and she made a video and she was like, what if he was abusing me and you just got me killed? And you're like, okay, hold on. What? Mm-hmm. What? Like, so now you're making up that you were abuse like. Then they sh it's just, it's, it's back flips triple, triple back handspring, back flips mm-hmm.

To avoid the truth of the situation, which is that your husband is treating you poorly. Mm-hmm. And you see it so often. I just, I hate that there's a line to which women can vent and complain mm-hmm. About their partners. And then the second it comes to like, okay, but you really should do something about it.

Like, when it comes to [00:45:00] recognizing the actual repercussions and consequences of their actions

Speaker 3: mm-hmm.

Speaker: The, the, the, the meaningful consequences, like the actual damage that they do. It's like so many women are like, no, no, no, we're not talking about that. Mm-hmm. And it, it's frustrating because it's like, is so, can we only like laugh about it?

Can you only talk about it if there's humor? Mm-hmm. Because the reality is you are with someone who does not treat you the way you deserve to be treated.

Speaker 2: Mm-hmm. And I think there's also a difference between, to your point, what you were bringing up about a venting, an ingroup venting versus how it's being viewed by the outgroup.

Right. Uh, hearing it true, like e even with Hu you see this with humor all the time. And it was like, so there, there's a, a comedian that does a lot of, uh, growing up Latino, uh mm-hmm. Bits. And I, I, he's, it's fucking hilarious. Right? I see all my family and, and the way, the way he does. I'm like, that's so, but then a family member of mine who's not on my other side of my, on [00:46:00] my white side of my family mm-hmm.

Uh, said, Hey, have you seen this? I love this guy. It's so funny. And I was like, mm, what, what, what's, and I, it just, it rubbed me so wrong. I was like, you know, this is, this isn't for you. This isn't your, I get, and it, I felt so weird about it. 'cause I'm like, I get it. I want you to support him. He's doing great humor.

I don't think we're laughing for the same reasons though. A hundred percent. I think we're laughing. 'cause the videos he would send me then were ones that were playing up on the stereotypes. He is like, and, and like, I'm like, no, no. Oh, you're, you're laughing. And like, I thought it was funny 'cause like it's.

I experienced it. Right. It's your lived experience. You're Latino. It's experience seeing these things happen.

Speaker: Yes.

Speaker 2: And then, uh, versus I was like, I, I feel like you're, it's laughing at versus laughing. It's like a

Speaker: caricature. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Like you're Yeah.

Speaker 2: I was like, I thi I don't think we're laughing for the same reasons.

Speaker: I think you're dead on about the in-group versus the, you know, world at large. Mm-hmm. Because maybe, maybe a lot of women [00:47:00] do like joke within their friend groups mm-hmm. About these behaviors and get a positive response. Like, I get it a hundred percent without it ever reflecting badly on the husband.

Speaker 3: Mm-hmm.

Speaker: It's almost like, it's almost like their bad behavior lives in this like bubble where it's like, mm-hmm. We know it's bad. Don't you hate it when this happens? What a jerk. But like, it never truly like, reflects on him. Like it never mm-hmm. Falls back as to, okay, well yeah, he's being a bad person, he's doing something bad.

It's like the behavior just exists without any blame towards anybody. You know what I mean? Mm-hmm. Without ever somebody being like, yeah, that's actually really bad that he does that to you. Mm-hmm. But like, the second they, they, they almost used it, used TikTok or whatever, social media as a journal mm-hmm.

Without realizing the rest of the world is not in this type of relationship. Mm-hmm. Like, and they're gonna see this through the eyes of like not being biased towards like, I'm experiencing this now. Mm-hmm. And I need this validated. They're gonna see this as, okay, let's just look at [00:48:00] this behavior.

Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.

And

Speaker: the behavior's bad.

Speaker 2: And even if your particular individual, uh, in a vacuum relationship isn't actually abuse or toxic, it's being seen and shared and circulated among ones that really are, and now being used as justification to do these, continue doing these really shitty, terrible, toxic things. And so, and, and it's.

It's, it is. I, I get it. Social media's weird in that perspective. Sure. And then there's, there's people that have become famous that I, you can tell, are scrambling to catch up on because they're like, oh, now I'm the voice of blank. Yeah. This particular topic, whatever it is. And it goes, it can go, uh, any number of things.

And you, and they, but the only reason they were, they went viral a couple times for being funny. Uh, and so now they're expected. So there, there's a lot of pressure that goes into it. And it's not fair sometimes where like, oh, this was, I, I only posted this so my, my good friends can see it. Nothing goes viral.

And I totally understand where they're [00:49:00] coming from in that perspective, but once it does the reality, it is what it is at that point. You can't, you can't put the genie back in the bottle.

Speaker: And I also think accepting that, say in this, uh, blast instance mm-hmm. The, the mom who left for four days, I, I think.

You can, two things can be true. Mm-hmm. You can acknowledge that the husband is going through something, maybe. Mm-hmm. Uh, that he's having a hard time and he did his best. There's a world in which that's true. Like if he's sobbing his eyes out and you know, is really struggling and he's got their kids, I've, I've had death.

Uh, I remember there was, uh, oh yeah. Not to get too weird, but I remember there was a time my daughter was two, I think at the time, and this was before she went to school or anything, I didn't have any help. Mm-hmm. It was just me. 'cause my wife was going to work and literally as she left, I get a phone call that a friend of mine was killed by a drunk driver.

Speaker 3: Mm-hmm.

Speaker: And I was [00:50:00] like, I mean, I was devastated. It was so, mm-hmm. Obviously it was a shock 'cause it was, it was not, it was a hor horrific thing that happened. Mm-hmm. And I, I remember how painful it was being a parent that day. Mm-hmm. I remember. Like just trying to get through your day when you're dealing with grief.

Like, I, I think that's one of the things that's not talked about enough is mm-hmm. Is dealing with grief as a parent, because you're dealing with your own grief. You're trying to shield your kids from grief. They could be grieving as well. It's, I think it's very complex. I'm not downplaying that at all.

Speaker 3: Mm-hmm.

Speaker: But even if that's the case, if, if he was in that desperate of a situation, emotionally, there's still the issue of why was it funny then for you to post?

Speaker 2: Why are you posting it on the internet? Then especially, it's like, oh, look at this. Remember my husband was dealing with severe trauma and our house fall apart.

Isn't this great?

Speaker: It can't be both, right? Mm-hmm. And like the issue is, why is it funny then? Mm-hmm. And I think that's the problem is it's like people be like, it's just a joke. It's just this, it's just funny. It's not a big [00:51:00] deal. It's like, okay, but like, here's the behavior, here's the consequence. Why is that funny?

Like why is, why is, why are you laughing and why do you expect the world to laugh at you being mistreated?

Speaker 3: Mm-hmm.

Speaker: And that's the deeper issue that I think is not addressed, that people wanna play off. And like, I wish, I wish not only more people talked about that, but like, I wish more women were supported with like, like I've, I mean, I've, I've lost friendships before because they were paired with like men who treated them poorly and I would not do the bit.

Mm-hmm. Like, they would tell me these stories and I would say like, Hey, like, I don't really like the way you're being treated here. That doesn't sound fair. Like, I mm-hmm. You shouldn't be spoken to that way. And it's like, no, I want you to laugh with me. And I'm like, I don't, I don't think that's funny.

Like, I, I, it, it's hard. It's, it's really hard because like there are things that like, I don't think are funny and I don't think women being mistreated by the person that claims to love them the [00:52:00] most mm-hmm. Is funny.

Speaker 2: I think, uh, a less, uh. Serious example was when, uh, this is like four years ago, I think it was, uh, my, my youngest, uh, you know, she's only one and a half something caught, uh, was started going to to daycare for a couple hours a day.

Uh, and she got hand, foot and mouth disease. Uh,

Speaker: oh my God.

Speaker 2: Yeah. And so she caught it and my wife got sick. 'cause you, we don't get hand, foot and mouth, but like the two she got, she got really sick. Mm-hmm. And somehow me and the other two kids didn't get it at all. And my wife and she was like, well thank God my trip isn't until next week.

I'll be, uh, I should be fine. So, so they get better. Everyone's fine day before she leaves other two kids and me come down and we're all sitting not with, he like, I guess it was, I guess it was technically, yeah. But we were just like, we were so sick. It's not as bad.

Speaker: Yeah. Yeah. It's not, but we were sick. Its different looking.

Speaker 2: We didn't have the spots, we didn't have the It's different looking. Yeah. But it's portable. Yes. But we just got sick. We all got sick with whatever it was. And, um, and [00:53:00] she, so she left and I'm, I'm with a toddler, two sick kids myself, and we had just gotten a brand new puppy. It wasn't Aussie for any of the no dogs.

And so a lot, uh, that one was absolutely a survival mode trip, right? Yeah. She was gone for five days and it was, but I still changed my daughter's onesie. Right. I still cha or whatever. Her clothing, they were still bathing. Yeah. My kids. Right. E even even in that situation where it was like, but it was, there, there were things like I did, you know, the, the dishes were in the, like piled, right?

I do the dishes normally, of course, and my job in our house, like we have, you know, we have d divvy up different chores. My, my, I'm the dishes guy. Uh, and so like, I just didn't do much. I'm the dishes guy. I'm the dishes guy. Uh, but I didn't do the dishes at all when they were gone. It was like, oh, hell no, because I was like, yeah, hell no.

You gotta let it go. I was like, no, that is just there. But, so there were things that piled up. So she came back and the house wasn't in great shape because of the fact that I was sick as a dog and just in survival mode. But she didn't post a video online saying. [00:54:00] Look at my husband. Look how shitty he, look at how horrible this house was.

Yeah. Oh God.

Speaker: Yeah. She, it was very, like, positive. It was very strange. She's like, she's like, he's in the same Cy. Mm-hmm. Her hair's this, it was like, po I'm like, girl, I, I don't think this is positive though. Mm-hmm. I had the same thing. There was one time my wife had like, it was a, like a work trip, like mm-hmm.

Flow flowing out. I think it was Las Vegas, like it was wild. Um, like, like, you know, the, you prep for the year in a advance. Like it's this whole thing. Mm-hmm. And so I was like, you can't cancel that. And I, both of us, me and my daughter got this horrendous. Stomach flu. Oh, like fever? Mm-hmm. And vomiting.

Speaker 3: Mm-hmm.

Speaker: It was, it was like a horror movie. Mm-hmm. I'm just dragging myself. Yeah. Like changing the sheets, every towel, sheets. Mm-hmm. Doing [00:55:00] eight loads of laundry, trying to keep things clean. Mm-hmm. It was fucking horrible. Cl nothing got done around the house, but my daughter was clean. Mm-hmm. Like, that's the thing, like everything can fall apart, but I'm going to take care of my child.

Like she's going to be clean. Right. It's, I, I, you just can't have it both ways. And I think, I think we need to stop like these, like women wanting to live in this kind of gray area of like

Speaker 3: mm-hmm.

Speaker: Well my husband did this sucky stuff, but he's not bad and I'm not bad. And we're not bad parents. And it's not actually bad, but it's funny.

But it's bad enough to post about. It's like, that's not flying as much anymore. And I, I don't think it should. And like, I don't, I don't think she should think it's funny. Mm-hmm. I don't think she should have found that acceptable. Mm-hmm. And, and like, cute, like mm-hmm. I honestly feel like so many of these women think it's cute.

Speaker 3: Mm-hmm.

Speaker: Uh, uh, that's the last thing on my mind. Mm-hmm. I think it is infantile, but I don't think it's [00:56:00] cute. Mm-hmm. You know, like, that's what scares me.

Speaker 2: It's, it's, it's the whole bar of solo, like, like personified, you know? Mm-hmm. And even like, it doesn't have to be these big, grandiose things too. Like, I think of like when, um, my, my middle daughter.

When she was like, probably four or five, I realized that I didn't know how to braid hair. It had just never come up in my life. Sure. I was like, I, I had no idea how to do it. And I tried and it was funny 'cause I also have dyspraxia so I don't have great, uh mm-hmm. Like hand eye coordination. Mm-hmm. Uh, and so I was doing it and I was like, oh my God.

And I, but once again, I was so embarrassed by, I watched videos I practiced and to the point where I'm still not, I'm not an expert, right. I'm not gonna enter hair braiding competitions or anything like that. But I can braid my daughter's hair now because there were, there were situations sometimes where I needed to braid.

'cause if, if she didn't have her hair braided before she went to bed, we could all like naughty, uh, when she slept and because of the way she slept. And so [00:57:00] I, so I figured that out. Right. And, and it's there. I get that there's a separation of things. You're like, you know, the, if you're in a household, there's certain things one of you does more often than the other one, maybe all the time.

But when kids are involved. Right. Especially when kids are involved, because I think that changes the entire equation with things. You can't just fully siphon off aspects of your life when there's a child that is going to end up being harmed by it. Maybe not. Maybe that's not, it's not always like, definitely harmed, but, but harmed in one way or another because you don't, what if your partner does get gravely ill or, uh, gets the flu or has to go, maybe this, uh, they're going to a funeral or something, whatever it is, where they're gonna be gone.

It's never a situation where it's not like my, like call, like if I'm teaching where I can just call in and just cancel class for a week.

Speaker 3: Right. Right.

Speaker 2: It's not like another job where I can be like, oh, well, somebody else will handle what's going on, or I can bring in somebody else to do what I'm doing.

Right. It, it's the, you're going to have some point [00:58:00] in your life where you have to be a fucking full parent, a solo parent, right. For a period of time. Right. You'd be very lucky to never get in that situation and so, yeah.

Speaker: I mean, I, I also think remembering that this is a choice and that's, I, I think people there, like there's a reason that of, there's the term weaponize incompetence.

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 3: Like

Speaker: they are weaponizing their inability and like they are doing it on purpose. Mm-hmm. To your point with the hair braiding, you didn't know how to braid hair. You didn't just say, well, I'll never do her hair again.

Speaker 3: Mm-hmm.

Speaker: You have to do it every time you learned how to braid hair. Mm-hmm. Like a lot of these tasks these men do know how to do.

Mm-hmm. You know how to find where something is you ask mm-hmm. Then you know where it is. Mm-hmm. Like if you don't know where the diapers are, ask where the diapers go. Mm-hmm. Put them there and then you put them back in that same location period. Oh God. Easy if you

Speaker 2: don't know. That's also real quick though.

If you don't know where the fucking diapers are,

Speaker: red flag, why are you

Speaker 2: changing diapers?

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker 2: [00:59:00] Jesus. Good god. There I, I hear about guys that don't like they all, that didn't change. That was, she did all the diapers.

Speaker: What do you know, many diapers that is, that's so many diapers. That's wild. But it's, it's all of these things.

Like they know how to do them, they're choosing not to. Mm-hmm. And like, I, I think you, you've said it a couple times, but it just fits, it just facilitates the dynamic to let it all fall apart when they're gone. Mm-hmm. Because then they say, see, I told you I can't do it. This is what happens when you leave me to do it.

Like there are women who literally don't leave the home, who don't plan trips, who don't see their friends, who, when they go out, they're, they're glued to their phone waiting for an emergency text. Mm-hmm. Because their husbands have taught them they cannot be trusted.

Speaker 3: Mm-hmm.

Speaker: That's horrifying. That's so sad that like these women can't do anything.

Mm-hmm. Which is exactly what the men want, but the men get to go, you know, do their golf trips mm-hmm. And their guy nights

Speaker 2: because the house will be fine.

Speaker: Yeah. Mm-hmm. And it's like. Most [01:00:00] of the skills they literally know how to do and any of the skills they don't know how to do, it's because they haven't been doing them.

Mm-hmm. Like, you're not born knowing how to change a diaper.

Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.

Speaker: I hate to tell you.

Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.

Speaker: There's so many skills that are, it's not like

Speaker 2: this exceptional skill that, like, it's not jump high the way she does

Speaker: it.

Speaker 2: Yeah. She's just, she can jump six feet in the air. I can't do that. That's valid. Right. That is a valid thing to complain about changing a fucking diaper making formula.

You know, cooking an egg, whatever it is. Like those are all, those are not like un giving

Speaker: your kids a bath.

Speaker 2: Yeah. Un yeah. Knowing how to do it, like, yeah. Uh, it, it's not, these are not skills that are take on a gargantuan effort to learn. Like, you know, it's like, like, well, I better learn to play the violin.

Right? That's, that's, that's, that is a long path you have to do. Right. This is, this is the simplest things that you can learn in, in hour, days, if not hours, uh, that they're just, they're choosing to refuse not to do. Because the other aspect of it, and this is the, the part that [01:01:00] pisses me off, and there's another video I'm gonna, I've mentioned I'm gonna do a video and something related to this.

Mm-hmm. That, that, um, they, they talk, well, the home is my job. He has his job. Right. But what about when you're both home? Right? Like, if you wanna say during the eight hours, 10 hours, however long, if during those that time of the day I'm do, this is my job. That's his job. Beautiful. That's fantastic. You, you separate those things however you need to.

You're, he comes home though. Then the job, you're both at that point, parents, right? There's, you don't just get, I I is the, it's acceptable that he only has to work eight hours and you have to work 24 hours a day. How is, how do you think that's a fair. Uh, exchange in any way. Because, because his bring his brings a paycheck, right?

Because we can commodify the work he does in that, in that instance.

Speaker: But it's so rare that that's even happening anymore. So half the time, that's being said, the woman also works. It's working a capacity. Like, it's like it's statistically, it [01:02:00] is so rare for it to be a one income household. Mm-hmm. So it's like, uh, when I hear those videos I'm like, okay.

Mm-hmm. First of all, you're an influencer. Mm-hmm. This is your job's. The video of

Speaker 2: responding. The one I'm gonna make the response video to, she says like, well, I am, I wouldn't expect him to be able to do my job. Like he wouldn't expect me to do his job. She also has a book that she wrote. She's a podcaster, has like hundreds of thousands of followers online.

Um, so no, no, it would be, the comparison would be I wouldn't expect him to know how to run my social media. Right. Because that's my job. That's what I do. Right? That's what I'm doing to make, make, make my money. That's a separate skillset that he has. No, there's no real reason for necess him necessarily to have to learn that skillset.

But your kids, parenting your kids, that that's, that is a necessary skillset that you need to learn. You can't simply, uh, cordon those off into being, well, that's my job, and he just does his job at work.

Speaker: Well, it's just like [01:03:00] the idea that, you know, women become mothers and become parents, and then some men become dads for the title.

Mm-hmm. Like literally they just want the title dad. Mm-hmm. The rural dad. But they don't wanna have any of the responsibility, and that is just wild. Like if you bring a child into this world, you are responsible for that child. Mm-hmm. You don't get to just say, I'm a dad and then leave it all up to. The mother.

Mm-hmm. Like, that's insane.

Speaker 2: You talk about the, this is gonna be open up a can of worms that we don't have time to unpack though, but like the, the issue I've had with so many of these guys that are out there is like, oh, like the women don't want a traditional man anymore. It's like, well, 'cause the world has changed, quote unquote traditional man.

Right. This is not the 1950s anymore. Right. She'll leave me if I just, if I Yeah, because 'cause she can get a job in a bank account now. Right. The, it's, it's, there's the, the reality is they're not the, the value that most men bring as the [01:04:00] caretaker, right. Of the, of the breadwinner. What I'm trying to use the, the old school terms.

Has changed. Society has changed. Right. And if, and there's so many men that are being taught by their, because their fathers did it a certain way. Mm-hmm. And they don't understand why, why can't I do it that way? 'cause we don't live in 1950 anymore. We don't live in 1970. We don't live in 2000 anymore.

Right. The world has changed. If you don't change, then we end up getting the shit we're we have right now.

Speaker: I also have never, ever mm-hmm. Seen a man who can be, quote unquote, a traditional man. Mm-hmm. Talk about that. Mm-hmm. Like, it is never the men who can 100 per percent financially provide. Mm-hmm. For a woman it is, it is never the men who can provide to the point that the woman can buy anything she wants.

Mm-hmm. Because sometimes men will do that, but it'll be a means of control.

Speaker 3: Mm-hmm. She

Speaker: doesn't have access to money, like mm-hmm. And like what is traditional, what is a traditional man like? Right. If you take away elements of. Control. Mm-hmm. Because so much of that [01:05:00] was control. Mm-hmm. It was that they didn't want women to have access, to your point, to bank accounts, to like resources to land, like mm-hmm.

Women could not have things of their own. Mm-hmm. They had to pair with men to get them, like, if anything, the man was the middle man for her to have anything. Mm-hmm. So that is an issue of control. That's, that's not tradition. Mm-hmm. That is that they didn't want the women to be able to thrive on their own.

Mm-hmm. Like, it wasn't just like, oh, women just love being at home. Like, they didn't have a choice. They didn't have an option. Mm-hmm. They didn't have anywhere to go. Mm-hmm. Where were they meant to go

Speaker 2: in short? No, she doesn't. Back to the original video. No, she doesn't. Appreciate the house falling apart.

She appreciates being appreciated. Right. Yeah. It feels good to be appreciated. It doesn't feel good to have the house fall apart in order to feel appreciated. Right. There's, there's, it's a subtle difference, but you can see it.

Speaker: Yeah. It's just a small thing. [01:06:00] Yeah. I, uh, come on ladies. You, you can tell us. I hope he got roasted in those comments.

'cause I can imagine

Speaker 2: there was, there was quite, you tell I was, I was a little worried. 'cause sometimes you see those videos and they get to the, the, the side wrong side that, that validates like Yes. Yes. Thank you. It does feel great. Us. The only time it's, once again, it's the only time I get any sort of validation,

Speaker: binging.

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2: Mm-hmm. Reagan, where can people find us off of the podcast?

Speaker: Off of the podcast. You can find both of us on our socials. We have the podcast YouTube page. I have my YouTube page. Ra Reagan reacts. You have your YouTube page, right? Do you put anything on? Mm-hmm. You're doing a long form now. Yeah. So what's, what's, it's just this, what's all sorts of cool stuff now You's see I have a

Speaker 2: whole, yeah.

It's basically, if you like my Substack essays, you'll like my YouTube. 'cause I'm turning those into long form kind of YouTube essays

Speaker: and we love that for you. And then we're on, we're on the talk. We're on Instagram.

Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.

Speaker: We're all over the place. And the Patreon and the Pat, [01:07:00] the Patreon, it's unhinged.

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2: We get a full pre-show every single week.

Speaker: Except the past two weeks. Weeks. Except the past weeks. We'll tell you why though. You'll tell find out

Speaker 2: where we've been

Speaker: and how we met and how it went. Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2: Yes. Because

Speaker: that's on this week's pre-show. Other than that, friends, we will see you next week.

Speaker 2: Bye. Oh, and I love you.