0:03: Hello and welcome to revolutionise your love life.
0:07: Do you want to know more about love relationships?
0:10: What makes them work?
0:11: How to create the one of your best dreams?
0:14: Do you want to be in a really healthy, juicy love relationship?
0:19: In these podcasts, we will give ideas and practical advice to light your way.
0:23: Whether you're looking for a love partner, already in a relationship.
0:28: You wish could be better, or leaving one that has run its course, there will be something to inspire, empower, and support you.
0:36: revolutionise your love life is a fortnightly podcast where you will access the knowledge and wisdom of love experts and relationship coaches from across the world to help you find true fulfilment in love.
0:50: I am your host, Heather Garbutt.
0:53: Welcome.
0:55: Hello everybody, I'm here today again with Shelene Wilson, and we're talking about love and money, how they fit together.
1:05: What are the underlying beliefs that affect both in our lives.
1:10: Welcome Shelene.
1:12: Thank you, Heather, thank you for having me.
1:15: Let me introduce you first.
1:17: She's an expert in her field and a multi-business owner.
1:22: She's an award-winning success and money blocks coach.
1:27: Shelene's mission is to emotionally and financially empower women.
1:33: She guides you to rid yourself of your invisible money and success blocks.
1:39: Tap into your empowerment energy so that you can live a life of comfort and freedom.
1:45: And inspire the generations that follow.
1:49: She guides you to make more money in alignment with how you are made as a human being.
1:57: She addresses things like procrastination, overwhelm, exhaustion, and stagnant income.
2:06: And really gets to the roots of your hidden blocks and moves you from a place of stuckness.
2:12: To rich empowerment.
2:16: And it's all true because I work with her and she is amazing.
2:23: OK.
2:24: Right.
2:25: OK, we're gonna, we've got a series of things that we want to cover.
2:28: The first one is your level of worthiness set point.
2:34: Can you tell me a bit more about that?
2:37: Yeah, so I often talk about we all have this set point within us of worthiness, a level of worthiness set point within us.
2:47: It's not conscious necessarily, but you could probably guess what it is by your results and what you have in your life, what you have in your money, and what you have in your relationships.
2:57: Not just love relationships, the relationships around you.
3:00: You know, how much do you allow in terms of friendships, in terms of rich, fulfilling relationships, you know, and how much money do you have?
3:09: , so we have this level within us that is created from us growing up, what we're experiencing throughout our childhood and growing up, and the experiences that we have that then goes on to create limiting beliefs and, you know, our true, true beliefs about the world and our world, and what's available to us, what we're allowed to have to not upset things and keep things, you know, safe.
3:37: So.
3:38: It's this exists on a subconscious level, and it's part of your subconscious programming that is directing or and and also sabotaging, believe it or not, our actions, our inactions, so you know, these are the things that, You know, we say we want things like we say we want love, we say we want to meet the love of our life, and we want our other partner to, to be like this, and we have these lists of things that we want our partner, what we want in our, in our mate.
4:07: And this list can exist for years before we attract what we say we really want.
4:12: And we may, in the meantime, attract the complete opposite.
4:15: And we were very clear about what we wanted, and we wonder, well, why is that?
4:19: Why do I keep attracting the same type of relationship over and over, and it's not what I want.
4:25: It's these hidden things in our programming.
4:28: It's your set point in your level of worthiness that is attracting.
4:32: What your subconscious, and the cells in your body, believe it or not, believe you are worthy of having, which is in contrast to what you say you actually really desire.
4:43: Yes, absolutely.
4:45: And these sort of opposite characters or situations.
4:49: I, I think it's the universe testing you and calling you to grow.
4:54: Now if you're gonna do this again, do you really wanna do this again?
4:57: Do you really want to be half-hearted in love, settled, do you really want to be half-hearted in money?
5:05: Settle, or do you really want to be who you truly are?
5:10: I totally agree, I so agree with that, and actually, having found love myself and been through a bit of this journey.
5:18: I went through the same thing, you know, the tests that come up, I do believe the universe has you, and I think right before you're about to get what you want, whether that's in your success, in your career, in your business, and your money, or in love, you know, you do get tests right before, and it's about staying true to what you say it is that you really desire.
5:39: And if something else shows up that's not in alignment with that, it's about having the strength and courage to actually say, no.
5:46: That's not what I want.
5:47: That's not what I deserve.
5:49: I am, you know, focusing on what I really, truly know I'm worth and what I desire.
5:55: .
5:56: Absolutely.
5:57: Absolutely.
5:59: So that's from that, the piece that we, we both do in our work, is setting the intention, getting really clear, feeling it in your body, and you'll come to much more about the body later.
6:12: Yes.
6:13: And, and from there you can judge, does this person, or does this situation around money, feel like I want to feel?
6:24: Is it the opposite?
6:25: What's, what am I being called to rise to here?
6:28: To stand for myself, to stand for my values, and what's important to me, or am I going to fall into a trap of a pattern, I don't know, an unconscious belief, something like.
6:40: , other people are always more important than me.
6:44: I better look after them.
6:46: Be I give to them before I give to me.
6:48: Really big one for women.
6:50: I agree totally.
6:52: There's so many of these things that are big for women in particular.
6:55: We, we tend to have our own set of things that we go through.
6:59: And that's not necessarily down to us.
7:01: It's down to what we've inherited, believe it or not.
7:05: you know, past generation, generation to generation, it's all passed down through the female line.
7:11: And what we've seen our parents go through and what our parents seen their parents or caregivers go through, and so on.
7:18: And it's passed down and a lot of, a lot of our money blocks and love blocks as well, believe it or not, it's inherited.
7:27: You know, what we deem to, what we put up with, that's inherited and what we think is, is OK for us to have, or, like you said, about settling.
7:38: What we've seen.
7:40: Well, what we've picked up, not even sort of verbally, but just what we've seen growing up and we've absorbed into our energy fields and sort of took that on us, this is the way it's supposed to be.
7:50: This is the way things are for us.
7:52: This is the way things are for people in my family, from my cultural background, for people that live in this neighbourhood, that's how we are, you know, this is our, this is the bar, and we don't go above it, because otherwise, we'll be shunned.
8:05: And nobody wants that.
8:06: Everybody.
8:07: wants to belong, you know, that goes down to our, like, instinctive part of us, the tribal part of us that's like, you know, we wanna, we have this sense of belonging, and we don't want to put a step out of line to be.
8:20: We don't want to be alone.
8:21: That's not instinctively what we wanna do.
8:23: So we will do everything we can, whether consciously or subconsciously, to stay within this belonging, to stay in community, within family, because it's important to our survival.
8:37: Yeah, absolutely.
8:38: And that can be family, culture, friendship groups.
8:42: You don't want to be the tall poppy or the odd one out.
8:46: Exactly, exactly that.
8:50: So tell me more about set points in our money types and in love, you know, the types of relationships we allow ourselves to have the type of relationship we allow ourselves to have with money.
9:03: Just expand on that a little more if you can.
9:07: Yeah, so I talk about, rather than talking about money generically, anyone that works with me will know that I like to split money up into different types because each money does have a different thing to it.
9:17: So if we generalise, you can't really get to the core root of each type of money that you're trying to work on.
9:22: So each type of money has a different set point associated with it.
9:29: And different emotions associated with it as well.
9:32: So, for instance, income, one that a lot of us, you know, we, we all focus on income a lot cause that's like, you know, our day to day sort of thing, really, how we get by.
9:42: And with income, the set point with that, again, going back to the, what I was talking about before about our inner worthiness set point, the income is related to your inner sense of worth, how worthy you feel that you are.
9:56: Again, whether conscious or not.
9:57: That's that's linked to.
9:59: So you often people will only receive a certain amount, they'll only earn a certain amount of income, whether you're working or you're in a business of your own, they tend to hit the ceiling point in their income.
10:13: And they might go above it sometimes, but they very quickly will come back down.
10:17: You know, it's, it's difficult then to sustain this higher amount they got this month, but then it's like, oh, we've gone back down again, and we keep bouncing on this amount.
10:26: And the reason for that is because you have an inner level, and a set point to how.
10:31: that you're allowed, your inner rules that were created from childhood, your inner rules on how much you're allowed to have to, again, stay in the stay in the community, be accepted by your family, your current friends, and, and that sort of thing.
10:44: And then if we look at another example, savings, for instance, savings generally is about the set point with that is about how safe you're allowed to feel.
10:55: So how safe you're allowed to feel reflects the amount of savings that you find yourself having, and it's an interesting one really because.
11:06: You know, safety and love.
11:07: There's there's such a relationship between sort of love and money.
11:12: And that, obviously, why we're doing this today, there's such, such parallels, because when I'm talking about savings, when I'm talking about money in general, we're talking about, because what makes my work different, you see, is I tap into the energy of the chakras.
11:25: And when we're talking about the root chakra, the foundation, the thirst that we build everything and anything on, we're talking about safety.
11:33: And we're talking about the materialistic things that you want, but also money.
11:37: But, so this is, and the savings, obviously, as well.
11:41: So it's all the foundation is all this.
11:43: It's all this.
11:44: And it's the same with love, you know, feeling safe in your relationship, but also feeling safe and a certain level of safety within.
11:54: without love, to be able to attract that, that level of love that brings in that comfort and and level of safety and, and, and enable you to feel safe with that other person because you've already created that space of safety within you.
12:09: Yes, that's really beautifully put, that's really beautifully put.
12:14: So let's see how safety would look in a relationship.
12:18: You feel at home, you feel secure.
12:22: You've got the emotional money in the bank.
12:25: You know that there are things to draw on from each other that won't bottom you out, that won't put you into overdraft.
12:35: There are resources of love and attention, kindness, tenderness, thoughtfulness, and support that are really there.
12:45: But if you've come from a family where there's been emotional neglect, which, let's face it, most of us in British culture have because that's who we are, there's a sort of inherent deprivation, different kinds.
13:00: So you're likely to Not have a lot of expectation of relationship.
13:07: There'll be a tendency to live in parallel.
13:11: And for the, the emotional money to have to come out of you rather than to be asked from somebody else, you're likely to feel alone, going it alone emotionally.
13:23: .
13:26: Yeah.
13:26: I'm trying to think if there's, there's more to say, but maybe, go on, please.
13:30: Yeah.
13:30: No, exactly.
13:31: It's that parallel, how you've described that is absolutely beautiful.
13:34: Like, you know, the, if you think of yourself as a bank of emotion, and you're fulfilled with joy and, you know, you're, you're so vibrant and abundant in that area.
13:45: And then you You have somebody that then just drains that.
13:49: Like, you're the emotional bank, and then you have somebody that comes on a different level that you're attracting, and they drain that.
13:55: So, like you said, sort of draining the emotional bank and then bringing you into, into overdraft.
14:00: And that's why it's so important for the person that you bring into your life, the love relationship that you decide to go into, that you're both on a, on a similar kind of level in terms of, you know, The work you've done, your solidarity, so that you can support and nurture and fulfil each other and fill each other's cup, because otherwise, one will drain the other more, and you'll be imbalanced.
14:25: And that leads to, as you said, the emotional imbalance, which is not, it's not good for the long term future of a relationship.
14:34: No, it's really quite hurtful, actually.
14:36: Yeah.
14:37: Yeah.
14:38: Exactly.
14:39: Yeah.
14:39: .
14:41: So let's, let's go a little bit further.
14:45: And you talked to me earlier about the sense that we're whole and complete.
14:51: And I'm thinking about, you know, what, what we've just been saying, the need for self compassion, for sort of cutting yourself some slack.
15:00: And cutting our parents some slack, you know, they didn't have the emotional intelligence taught to them, so they couldn't teach it to us, so they were emotionally deprived in themselves and didn't know how to give largely.
15:13: So that's what we are experiencing the legacy of, but it doesn't mean that we don't have a wealth of wisdom and kindness and love inside of us.
15:26: It's inherent in humanity.
15:28: So I'd like you to talk a bit more about that, if you would.
15:32: Yeah, yeah.
15:32: So, I like to talk about the idea that we are already whole and we are already complete.
15:39: So this idea that we're looking for this, so we're looking for that, you know, I come across a lot of business owners that they're looking for courses, courses, I need to get fixed myself.
15:48: I need to fix myself.
15:49: This one will complete me, this one will complete me.
15:51: Or people looking for love, and it's like, I'm looking for my other half.
15:54: I need somebody to complete me.
15:56: I need somebody to complete me, you know?
15:58: And I know that's a common saying, my other half, I've used it before this sort of came to me, they were actually, I'm already whole and complete.
16:06: To be looking for something to complete you is to admit that you're not already whole and complete.
16:13: And if you're not already whole and complete, you're operating from a space of lack.
16:19: And if you're operating from a space of lack.
16:22: You'll always be attracting more lack and more scarcity, and you're never gonna experience the whole, which is your desire.
16:30: Your desire, you know, if you think about what you want.
16:35: Whether it is love or money, what is that that it, that you're trying to gain from that?
16:39: Well, how, how do you want that to make you feel?
16:41: That's going deeper into, you know, what it is that you want.
16:45: People want a relationship because they want how it makes them feel.
16:49: Not really the relationship.
16:51: People want more money in the bank because they want what it, how it makes them feel.
16:55: Not because they want that amount of money in the bank.
16:58: So, if you take it behind the curtain and go behind, beyond what it is you say you want, And you think, OK, I want more joy, I want more peace.
17:08: I want more love.
17:10: Well, actually you are already whole and complete.
17:12: You can give that to yourself.
17:15: What makes you feel joy?
17:17: What makes you feel more joy?
17:19: Think about that.
17:21: Write it down.
17:22: Go out and do more of that.
17:24: What makes you feel more at peace?
17:26: Write it down.
17:28: Think about it, really think about it.
17:30: It's not just one way to get that feeling.
17:33: It's not just a relationship that's gonna bring you that, and it's not just money that's gonna bring you that.
17:38: You know, self-love is about looking at yourself and giving to the South.
17:42: You can give these things to yourself.
17:44: You know, if it's more meditation that makes you feel peaceful, if it's going for a walk with your dog.
17:49: Or just going for a walk in nature that brings you peace, do more of it.
17:54: Because if you're doing more of the things you love and you enjoy, you're being kind to yourself, you're only then gonna attract that in a partner.
18:03: You're gonna attract that in your money.
18:04: You're gonna attract that in all of the relationships that you attract.
18:08: People that are then willing to give you more joy.
18:11: But if you're not willing to give it to yourself, Then how can you expect to attract anyone that's also gonna be willing to give it to you?
18:20: Yeah, absolutely, I agree, and it goes against that tribal culture.
18:27: To look after yourself.
18:29: It, certainly where I came from in the north of England, it was wussy.
18:35: if you looked after your appearance, it was vain.
18:39: If you looked after your body, and you're making a fuss, you know, all of that rubbish really needs to be let go of, and you need to really be your own good parent.
18:49: If you had the, the sweetest of loving parents inside you right now, what would they be saying to you about what you need?
18:57: To care for you and give yourself joy.
19:01: That's where we need to start from.
19:03: It always makes me close my eyes, you know, and like even when you said earlier about the compassion, it's about going into the compassion for your parents and.
19:12: I think when we start, anybody, if you start doing any person's event, when you start doing the work, we all realise our parents, our caregivers were not perfect.
19:23: Nobody had perfect parents.
19:25: So it's not just you.
19:27: So anybody listening to this or watching this, it's not just you that didn't have perfect parents.
19:32: And, you know, The whole point of life is so that our parents teach us something.
19:39: And that's why they're not perfect.
19:41: They're not here to be perfect.
19:42: They were just two humans who had a child, and they didn't get it all together before doing that.
19:47: Who does?
19:48: That's what life's about, learning as we go along.
19:50: So, it's about having some compassion for them.
19:54: And once we're able to be at a level where we're able to do that, Oh, my, you attract so much more on a level that's just absolutely incredible.
20:05: And, you know, you'll start attracting on another level, but it's so important to do the work, the work on yourself.
20:13: And that is anybody.
20:15: You know, any anybody and everybody.
20:17: You've gotta go deep, you've gotta go within yourself and be courageous to do the work.
20:21: If you don't, and if you are operating from a space of trying to still fulfil yourself and not in the belief that you are already completely full and whole.
20:30: Like I said earlier, you're gonna be operating from a space of lack, but you'll also be looking for and attracting somebody to be in a relationship with that's gonna be trying to heal your wounds.
20:43: You're gonna be attracting them from a space of wanting them to heal your wounds, rather than you coming already complete to this relationship, already healed because you did that yourself.
20:54: Yeah, so otherwise you can attract people.
20:57: Who feed your wounds.
20:59: Exactly, yeah.
21:01: And if you attract someone that's feeding your wounds, it's just not, that's how it then ends up being an unhealthy relationship, whether that shows up immediately or down the line.
21:11: You know, you can actually take your power back right now, and you can make the decision to feed your own needs, attend to your own wounds, and do that before the love of your life shows up, because it's so incredibly powering.
21:30: And once you do that, you know, you're able to attract the person that you really, truly desire and, and more.
21:39: And I know this I'm talking from experience.
21:42: I'm talking from experience, as you know, Heather.
21:45: I mean, I worked with you, as you know, years ago now, and that was the start of me for really starting to look at some of the things that I needed to look at that we don't always want to look at.
21:56: But, you know, sometimes it's necessary if you really want what you want and.
22:02: It's possible.
22:03: It's kind of what I want people to know, you know, especially when we go back to, we talk about love and money, and there's a lot of people out there that think, well, I can't have both.
22:13: I can't have love and money.
22:15: I can't have success and money.
22:17: You see people, you know, career people doing really well in their, in their jobs and they're doing really successful.
22:25: Women I see in particular are really successful in their jobs.
22:29: And they think that they can't have love because it's got to be one or the other.
22:33: And I see the same with businesswomen, really successful businesswomen.
22:37: Oh, I'm successful, I'm so successful, and I'm threatening to men.
22:41: I can't have both.
22:42: You can, you can have both.
22:45: But you need to do the work to be able to get to that space of believing it yourself.
22:50: So if you don't believe it, then no, then what you say is the truth, you know?
22:55: And it's not the truth that you're only going to attract weaker men than you.
23:00: It's not the truth that you're only going to attract men that need looking after or who are after your money.
23:06: That's not the truth.
23:07: Those sort of defensive beliefs come from early life and the other thing I'm coming across in connection with this, this early life thing, is that.
23:17: , if God, if you and I had 10 pounds for every time somebody said to me, but nothing happened to me in my childhood, it was fine.
23:27: You know, I tell you what, we could go on a world cruise tomorrow.
23:32: Yeah, yeah.
23:33: Do you know, like.
23:36: In my work, working with, it's predominantly women, heart centred business owners, what I see, the, I mean, my thing is bringing out the blocks in people, the unconscious blocks.
23:49: That is what I do.
23:50: That is the basis of my work.
23:52: Bringing to the light what is not.
23:54: In the conscious, you are carrying so much programming, so much subconscious beliefs, thoughts, memories, feelings in your cells, in your body, in your mind, in your whole system.
24:06: And you're not realising why.
24:08: Why do people procrastinate?
24:09: To this day, people say, Oh, I've been meaning to do this for ages, and I don't know why I don't do it.
24:14: People always say, I don't know why I'm not doing that, and I really want to.
24:17: It's because your subconscious programming is keeping you safe.
24:22: It's doing its job, and you're not privy to what What's going on in there because you're operating in your conscious mind.
24:28: So, in my work, and I know what you do in yours, we're bringing it out of the subconscious.
24:33: These things that are controlling us that you're not actually aware of, they're heavily, heavily controlling us.
24:38: We bring that to the light.
24:40: And when we bring that to the light, it's the start of the healing.
24:43: And when we start the healing, you're able to receive on another level.
24:47: You're able to.
24:48: , be willing to allow more as well, because we have blockers up.
24:53: We all are blocking the things that we say we want.
24:56: Whether you know it or not, you are.
24:58: And again, it all starts with the work, the healing work, because once you feel more safe to have more, you will have more.
25:05: That's, yeah, that's absolutely beautiful.
25:07: In love and money, you create that safety, self-compassion.
25:12: You'll focus on self willingness to just dig a bit deeper, and you might need support to do it, so reach out to Shalene or me.
25:21: Where can they find you, Shaleen?
25:23: They can find me, or it depends where you are, where you are.
25:26: You can find me on Instagram at success Breakthrough coaching with underscores in between both of those words.
25:35: Or you can find me on LinkedIn under Shalene Wilson.
25:39: Or again, if you're on on Facebook, you can find me under Shelene Wilson as well.
25:45: you can find me on either of those.
25:47: So, yeah.
25:48: And you've got a special offer at the moment, which is a nice freebie video.
25:53: It's on successbreakthrough.co.uk/incomblocks freebie.
26:02: That's correct.
26:03: I'll put it in the notes so they can find you.
26:05: Perfect.
26:06: So yes, if you go to that, if you go to that site successbreakthrough.co.uk/incomblocksfreebie.
26:14: , I've got a free short, very short video for you, and I'll guide you through finding out what your income blocks are, what are your blocks to more income.
26:25: So it will help you reveal from your subconscious what's not what's not in your in your awareness, reveal to you what's stopping you making more income.
26:35: And, yeah, that's my great gift to you.
26:37: What a gift.
26:38: What a gift.
26:40: That's where we need to be.
26:41: Because if we're not aware, we can't do anything about it.
26:44: This is it.
26:45: This is exactly it.
26:46: And, again, like you said, a lot of the stuff you do and the money, it affects the love as well.
26:52: It affects the relationships that you have.
26:54: It's, it goes hand in hand.
26:57: Yeah.
26:57: So, yeah.
26:59: Yeah.
26:59: Absolutely.
27:00: Thank you so much, Sherlene, you are a star as ever.
27:03: It's a joy to have you with me.
27:05: Thank you, thank you, Hana, it's been a great time.
27:08: Thank you so much for listening to this episode of revolutionise your love life.
27:15: I'd like to know what has been your biggest takeaway from this conversation.
27:20: Do take a minute and share this with us and visit us on our Facebook page.
27:25: You can connect with me personally on my email at heather@heather Garber.com.
27:32: If you can think of someone who will benefit from listening to this podcast, please do share it with them.
27:39: If you have any feedback on how I can improve it, please do reach out to me as I'm always keen to learn more.
27:47: Thank you so much again for listening.
27:50: And we'll meet again on the next episode of revolutionise your love life.