1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:05,850
Epictetus once said that of one thing

2
00:00:03,120 --> 00:00:07,950
beware Oh ma'am see what is the price at

3
00:00:05,850 --> 00:00:08,730
which you sell your will if you do

4
00:00:07,950 --> 00:00:11,820
nothing else

5
00:00:08,730 --> 00:00:13,860
do not sell your will cheap in the

6
00:00:11,820 --> 00:00:15,900
modern world stoicism is defined as the

7
00:00:13,860 --> 00:00:17,670
endurance of pain or hardship without

8
00:00:15,900 --> 00:00:19,920
the display of feelings and without

9
00:00:17,670 --> 00:00:22,410
complaint but the original philosophy

10
00:00:19,920 --> 00:00:23,939
was more than just an attitude according

11
00:00:22,410 --> 00:00:25,650
to the Stoics everything around us

12
00:00:23,939 --> 00:00:27,269
operates through a web of cause and

13
00:00:25,650 --> 00:00:28,800
effect resulting in the rational

14
00:00:27,269 --> 00:00:31,109
structure of the universe which they

15
00:00:28,800 --> 00:00:32,820
call logos and while we may not have

16
00:00:31,109 --> 00:00:35,160
control over the events that affect us

17
00:00:32,820 --> 00:00:37,980
we do have control over how we approach

18
00:00:35,160 --> 00:00:40,140
things rather than imagining an ideal

19
00:00:37,980 --> 00:00:41,879
society and the Stoics see the world as

20
00:00:40,140 --> 00:00:44,670
it is while pursuing self-improvement

21
00:00:41,879 --> 00:00:46,469
through four cardinal virtues practical

22
00:00:44,670 --> 00:00:48,420
wisdom which is navigating complex

23
00:00:46,469 --> 00:00:51,030
situations with logic information and

24
00:00:48,420 --> 00:00:53,100
calmness courage which is to do the

25
00:00:51,030 --> 00:00:56,250
right thing and facing daily challenges

26
00:00:53,100 --> 00:00:58,739
with clarity and integrity justice in

27
00:00:56,250 --> 00:01:00,570
treating every human being regardless of

28
00:00:58,739 --> 00:01:03,809
his or her stature in life with fairness

29
00:01:00,570 --> 00:01:05,909
and kindness temperance or exercising

30
00:01:03,809 --> 00:01:07,280
moderation and self-control in all

31
00:01:05,909 --> 00:01:09,689
aspects of life

32
00:01:07,280 --> 00:01:11,400
stoicism was an active school of

33
00:01:09,689 --> 00:01:13,380
philosophy for several centuries in

34
00:01:11,400 --> 00:01:16,560
Greece and Rome but as a formal

35
00:01:13,380 --> 00:01:18,240
institution it faded away that said its

36
00:01:16,560 --> 00:01:20,520
influence has continued to inspire

37
00:01:18,240 --> 00:01:22,409
several business leaders politicians and

38
00:01:20,520 --> 00:01:24,119
athletes to this day which is why in

39
00:01:22,409 --> 00:01:26,100
this video we'll be discussing twelve

40
00:01:24,119 --> 00:01:28,380
practical exercises according to the

41
00:01:26,100 --> 00:01:31,409
book how to be a stoic by Massimo

42
00:01:28,380 --> 00:01:33,180
Pigliucci that uses epictetus in Chi

43
00:01:31,409 --> 00:01:35,100
Rhydian which we can use in the modern

44
00:01:33,180 --> 00:01:38,909
world while mastering the force stoic

45
00:01:35,100 --> 00:01:40,009
virtues number one examine your

46
00:01:38,909 --> 00:01:43,320
impressions

47
00:01:40,009 --> 00:01:45,000
Epictetus says so make a practice at

48
00:01:43,320 --> 00:01:47,399
once of saying to every strong

49
00:01:45,000 --> 00:01:49,890
impression an impression is all you are

50
00:01:47,399 --> 00:01:51,930
not the source of the impression then

51
00:01:49,890 --> 00:01:55,170
test and assess it with your criteria

52
00:01:51,930 --> 00:01:57,420
but one primarily asked is this

53
00:01:55,170 --> 00:02:01,229
something that is or is not in my

54
00:01:57,420 --> 00:02:03,329
control by this exercise Epictetus tells

55
00:02:01,229 --> 00:02:05,759
us to constantly examine our impressions

56
00:02:03,329 --> 00:02:08,310
that is our initial reactions to events

57
00:02:05,759 --> 00:02:10,500
people and what we're being told by

58
00:02:08,310 --> 00:02:12,750
stepping back to make room for rational

59
00:02:10,500 --> 00:02:13,540
deliberation avoiding rash emotional

60
00:02:12,750 --> 00:02:15,099
reactions

61
00:02:13,540 --> 00:02:17,200
and asking whether whatever is being

62
00:02:15,099 --> 00:02:20,349
thrown at us is under our control or not

63
00:02:17,200 --> 00:02:23,109
if it is under your control act on it if

64
00:02:20,349 --> 00:02:25,420
it isn't then just ignore it for example

65
00:02:23,109 --> 00:02:27,340
you get stuck in bad traffic and you're

66
00:02:25,420 --> 00:02:28,870
getting late for work of course you

67
00:02:27,340 --> 00:02:30,310
could have done things which were under

68
00:02:28,870 --> 00:02:32,140
your control like pre-empting the

69
00:02:30,310 --> 00:02:34,090
traffic and leaving early but now since

70
00:02:32,140 --> 00:02:36,519
you are stuck in that traffic which is

71
00:02:34,090 --> 00:02:38,890
not under your control you could instead

72
00:02:36,519 --> 00:02:41,639
of being irritated or giving angry just

73
00:02:38,890 --> 00:02:44,290
listen to music keep calm and carry on

74
00:02:41,639 --> 00:02:46,629
number two remind yourself of the

75
00:02:44,290 --> 00:02:49,329
impermanence of things in the words of

76
00:02:46,629 --> 00:02:50,019
epictetus when giving your child or wife

77
00:02:49,329 --> 00:02:53,010
a kiss

78
00:02:50,019 --> 00:02:56,409
repeat to yourself I am kissing a mortal

79
00:02:53,010 --> 00:02:58,739
the truth is change is a universal law

80
00:02:56,409 --> 00:03:01,780
of nature things are changing constantly

81
00:02:58,739 --> 00:03:03,669
life is ephemeral the people we care

82
00:03:01,780 --> 00:03:04,870
about may be snatched from us in a snap

83
00:03:03,669 --> 00:03:06,639
without warning

84
00:03:04,870 --> 00:03:08,439
therefore this exercise is about

85
00:03:06,639 --> 00:03:10,209
reminding ourselves how precious our

86
00:03:08,439 --> 00:03:12,609
loved ones are and that they may soon

87
00:03:10,209 --> 00:03:14,609
flow past let's appreciate what we have

88
00:03:12,609 --> 00:03:18,010
now because it might be gone tomorrow

89
00:03:14,609 --> 00:03:19,720
life is impermanent keep in mind that

90
00:03:18,010 --> 00:03:21,400
you're lucky to be able to enjoy the

91
00:03:19,720 --> 00:03:23,889
things you have and your enjoyment might

92
00:03:21,400 --> 00:03:26,620
end abruptly and you might never be able

93
00:03:23,889 --> 00:03:28,299
to enjoy those things ever again learn

94
00:03:26,620 --> 00:03:30,579
to enjoy stuff and people without

95
00:03:28,299 --> 00:03:35,669
feeling entitled to them without

96
00:03:30,579 --> 00:03:38,530
clinging number-3 the reverse clause

97
00:03:35,669 --> 00:03:40,540
according to Epictetus whenever planning

98
00:03:38,530 --> 00:03:43,569
an action mentally rehearse what the

99
00:03:40,540 --> 00:03:46,479
plan entails it just isn't true the bad

100
00:03:43,569 --> 00:03:48,340
things only happen to bad people good or

101
00:03:46,479 --> 00:03:50,979
bad each of us is going to face certain

102
00:03:48,340 --> 00:03:53,079
situations this exercise is all about

103
00:03:50,979 --> 00:03:55,150
facing these situations with the best of

104
00:03:53,079 --> 00:03:57,459
your abilities while leaving the outcome

105
00:03:55,150 --> 00:03:59,049
to fate let's suppose that you're

106
00:03:57,459 --> 00:04:00,970
considered for a promotion at your job

107
00:03:59,049 --> 00:04:03,010
while we naturally think that our goal

108
00:04:00,970 --> 00:04:04,629
is to get the promotion the outcome of

109
00:04:03,010 --> 00:04:07,599
course is not in our control

110
00:04:04,629 --> 00:04:09,400
it can only be influenced by us so you

111
00:04:07,599 --> 00:04:11,229
need to make your goal something that

112
00:04:09,400 --> 00:04:13,209
actually is in your power and not

113
00:04:11,229 --> 00:04:14,500
something that fate can rob you of which

114
00:04:13,209 --> 00:04:16,690
in this case would be to put together

115
00:04:14,500 --> 00:04:19,389
the best promotion file you can before

116
00:04:16,690 --> 00:04:21,489
the decision is made now you may get the

117
00:04:19,389 --> 00:04:24,310
promotion but there are chances that you

118
00:04:21,489 --> 00:04:25,599
won't the idea is not to absorb the

119
00:04:24,310 --> 00:04:27,310
injustice of not getting a promotion

120
00:04:25,599 --> 00:04:28,960
that was richly deserved

121
00:04:27,310 --> 00:04:31,600
rather it's to employ the wisdom that

122
00:04:28,960 --> 00:04:34,000
sometimes things won't go your way even

123
00:04:31,600 --> 00:04:35,290
if you do your best and regardless of

124
00:04:34,000 --> 00:04:39,160
whether you deserved to get the

125
00:04:35,290 --> 00:04:40,889
promotion or not number four how can I

126
00:04:39,160 --> 00:04:44,200
use virtue here and now

127
00:04:40,889 --> 00:04:45,760
Epictetus informs us for every challenge

128
00:04:44,200 --> 00:04:48,790
remember the resources you have within

129
00:04:45,760 --> 00:04:50,770
you to cope with it according to Stoics

130
00:04:48,790 --> 00:04:52,540
we should use every occasion every

131
00:04:50,770 --> 00:04:55,120
challenge as a way to exercise our

132
00:04:52,540 --> 00:04:57,970
virtue to become a better human being by

133
00:04:55,120 --> 00:05:00,100
constant application going by the

134
00:04:57,970 --> 00:05:01,900
previous example it's very natural for

135
00:05:00,100 --> 00:05:03,340
you to feel upset for not getting a

136
00:05:01,900 --> 00:05:05,380
promotion that you thought you deserved

137
00:05:03,340 --> 00:05:07,120
or being envious of your colleague who

138
00:05:05,380 --> 00:05:08,860
got that promotion instead of you you

139
00:05:07,120 --> 00:05:11,320
might even be angry at your boss for

140
00:05:08,860 --> 00:05:13,240
overlooking you instead by remembering

141
00:05:11,320 --> 00:05:15,220
your overarching goal which is just to

142
00:05:13,240 --> 00:05:17,260
be a decent person who doesn't do

143
00:05:15,220 --> 00:05:19,330
anything that's unvirtuous or that may

144
00:05:17,260 --> 00:05:21,520
compromise your identity or integrity

145
00:05:19,330 --> 00:05:23,740
you can let go of the negative feelings

146
00:05:21,520 --> 00:05:25,630
and take this situation as a learning

147
00:05:23,740 --> 00:05:28,120
curve and look for the ways you could

148
00:05:25,630 --> 00:05:29,560
improve your work performance the truth

149
00:05:28,120 --> 00:05:32,260
is all of us have a lot more

150
00:05:29,560 --> 00:05:35,940
self-control endurance and patience than

151
00:05:32,260 --> 00:05:40,000
we think we do number five pause and

152
00:05:35,940 --> 00:05:42,430
take a deep breath as we learn from the

153
00:05:40,000 --> 00:05:44,440
words of Epictetus remember it's not

154
00:05:42,430 --> 00:05:44,919
enough to be hit or insulted to be

155
00:05:44,440 --> 00:05:46,600
harmed

156
00:05:44,919 --> 00:05:49,180
you must believe that you're being

157
00:05:46,600 --> 00:05:51,340
harmed if someone succeeds in provoking

158
00:05:49,180 --> 00:05:53,050
you realize that your mind is complicit

159
00:05:51,340 --> 00:05:54,460
in the provocation which is why it's

160
00:05:53,050 --> 00:05:56,919
essential that we not respond

161
00:05:54,460 --> 00:05:58,660
impulsively to impressions take a moment

162
00:05:56,919 --> 00:06:01,330
before reacting and you'll find it is

163
00:05:58,660 --> 00:06:03,250
easier to maintain control this is

164
00:06:01,330 --> 00:06:05,650
simple advice and yet it's really

165
00:06:03,250 --> 00:06:09,580
difficult and yet it's very difficult to

166
00:06:05,650 --> 00:06:12,729
pull off it's also it's also very very

167
00:06:09,580 --> 00:06:14,800
important the idea behind this exercise

168
00:06:12,729 --> 00:06:16,660
is to rationally examine our impressions

169
00:06:14,800 --> 00:06:19,090
regardless of whether they're negative

170
00:06:16,660 --> 00:06:20,110
such as insults or positive such as

171
00:06:19,090 --> 00:06:22,270
feelings of lust

172
00:06:20,110 --> 00:06:24,070
we need to resist the impulse to react

173
00:06:22,270 --> 00:06:26,160
immediately in instinctively to

174
00:06:24,070 --> 00:06:28,930
potentially problematic situations

175
00:06:26,160 --> 00:06:30,970
instead we must pause and take a deep

176
00:06:28,930 --> 00:06:33,160
breath perhaps go for a walk around the

177
00:06:30,970 --> 00:06:36,039
block and only then consider the issue

178
00:06:33,160 --> 00:06:37,450
with logic and calmness once you start

179
00:06:36,039 --> 00:06:40,180
seriously practicing this exercise

180
00:06:37,450 --> 00:06:40,810
you'll see a dramatic improvement in the

181
00:06:40,180 --> 00:06:42,220
way you handle

182
00:06:40,810 --> 00:06:43,750
things and you'll inevitably get

183
00:06:42,220 --> 00:06:46,169
positive feedback from all the others

184
00:06:43,750 --> 00:06:49,770
who also see those improvements in you

185
00:06:46,169 --> 00:06:52,780
number six other eyes

186
00:06:49,770 --> 00:06:55,030
according to Epictetus when somebody's

187
00:06:52,780 --> 00:06:57,340
wife or child dies to a man we all

188
00:06:55,030 --> 00:06:59,620
routinely say well that's part of life

189
00:06:57,340 --> 00:07:02,830
but if one of our own families involved

190
00:06:59,620 --> 00:07:04,450
then right away it's poor poor me we

191
00:07:02,830 --> 00:07:06,450
would do better to remember how we react

192
00:07:04,450 --> 00:07:09,010
when a similar loss afflicts others

193
00:07:06,450 --> 00:07:10,750
Epictetus reminds us here of just how

194
00:07:09,010 --> 00:07:12,520
differently we regard an event that has

195
00:07:10,750 --> 00:07:15,580
affected other people when the same

196
00:07:12,520 --> 00:07:17,680
event affects us it's easy for us to be

197
00:07:15,580 --> 00:07:19,690
calm when little inconveniences or even

198
00:07:17,680 --> 00:07:21,760
disasters happen to others rather than

199
00:07:19,690 --> 00:07:23,590
to ourselves for example when your

200
00:07:21,760 --> 00:07:25,030
friend loses or breaks his phone you'll

201
00:07:23,590 --> 00:07:26,830
tell him that it's just a phone and it

202
00:07:25,030 --> 00:07:28,780
can go out and buy a new one but when

203
00:07:26,830 --> 00:07:31,630
you break your phone you'll lose your

204
00:07:28,780 --> 00:07:33,700
calm or even for more grievous matters

205
00:07:31,630 --> 00:07:35,229
like when your friend's wife dies you'd

206
00:07:33,700 --> 00:07:36,820
Consultant by telling in the deaths a

207
00:07:35,229 --> 00:07:38,770
part of life and that she's in a better

208
00:07:36,820 --> 00:07:40,780
place now but when you lose someone of

209
00:07:38,770 --> 00:07:43,180
your own you'll lose all your equanimity

210
00:07:40,780 --> 00:07:44,830
of course losing your phone is not the

211
00:07:43,180 --> 00:07:46,810
same thing as losing your wife but this

212
00:07:44,830 --> 00:07:49,630
exercise is all about understanding that

213
00:07:46,810 --> 00:07:51,610
accidents injuries disease and death are

214
00:07:49,630 --> 00:07:53,140
all unavoidable and while it's

215
00:07:51,610 --> 00:07:55,240
understandable to be distraught over

216
00:07:53,140 --> 00:07:56,800
them we can take comfort in knowing that

217
00:07:55,240 --> 00:07:59,860
they're in the normal order of things

218
00:07:56,800 --> 00:08:01,450
the universe isn't after anyone or at

219
00:07:59,860 --> 00:08:04,960
least isn't after any one of us in

220
00:08:01,450 --> 00:08:08,890
particular number seven speak little and

221
00:08:04,960 --> 00:08:11,200
well Epictetus says well it's silence be

222
00:08:08,890 --> 00:08:13,300
your goal for the most part say only

223
00:08:11,200 --> 00:08:15,460
what is necessary and be brief about it

224
00:08:13,300 --> 00:08:17,860
on the rare occasions when you're called

225
00:08:15,460 --> 00:08:20,440
upon to speak then speak but never about

226
00:08:17,860 --> 00:08:23,169
banality is like gladiators horses

227
00:08:20,440 --> 00:08:25,500
sports food and drink commonplace stuff

228
00:08:23,169 --> 00:08:28,440
above all don't gossip about people

229
00:08:25,500 --> 00:08:29,680
praising blaming or comparing them

230
00:08:28,440 --> 00:08:31,180
Epictetus

231
00:08:29,680 --> 00:08:33,580
gives us the list of things we should

232
00:08:31,180 --> 00:08:35,650
not talk about we may not talk much

233
00:08:33,580 --> 00:08:37,810
these days about gladiators but we do

234
00:08:35,650 --> 00:08:40,390
talk about star athletes movie and music

235
00:08:37,810 --> 00:08:42,459
stars and other celebrities instead of

236
00:08:40,390 --> 00:08:44,080
talking about difficult topics because

237
00:08:42,459 --> 00:08:46,810
we've been conditioned to think that

238
00:08:44,080 --> 00:08:48,459
serious talk is boring and at any rate

239
00:08:46,810 --> 00:08:50,260
requires more background knowledge and

240
00:08:48,459 --> 00:08:51,850
attention than most of us associate with

241
00:08:50,260 --> 00:08:54,430
good conversation

242
00:08:51,850 --> 00:08:55,899
Epictetus also advises to stay away from

243
00:08:54,430 --> 00:08:57,819
the conversation that's concerned with

244
00:08:55,899 --> 00:09:00,430
gossiping and passing judgments of

245
00:08:57,819 --> 00:09:01,930
people to indulge in gossip and judge

246
00:09:00,430 --> 00:09:03,910
people who aren't present to defend

247
00:09:01,930 --> 00:09:06,069
themselves simply doesn't seem to be the

248
00:09:03,910 --> 00:09:08,800
virtuous thing to do initially this

249
00:09:06,069 --> 00:09:10,600
exercise will feel unnatural but over

250
00:09:08,800 --> 00:09:13,149
time the habit will eventually kick in

251
00:09:10,600 --> 00:09:15,279
so slowly change your conversational

252
00:09:13,149 --> 00:09:16,930
topics and respond less to gossiping and

253
00:09:15,279 --> 00:09:18,759
passing judgments and occasionally

254
00:09:16,930 --> 00:09:20,170
introduce a challenging topic of your

255
00:09:18,759 --> 00:09:21,970
own that's based on something you've

256
00:09:20,170 --> 00:09:23,610
recently read or watched and that you

257
00:09:21,970 --> 00:09:25,540
feel might lead to a mutually beneficial

258
00:09:23,610 --> 00:09:28,980
conversation with your friends

259
00:09:25,540 --> 00:09:32,170
number eight choose your company well

260
00:09:28,980 --> 00:09:34,899
Epictetus says avoid fraternizing with

261
00:09:32,170 --> 00:09:36,220
non philosophers if you must though be

262
00:09:34,899 --> 00:09:38,949
careful not to sink to their level

263
00:09:36,220 --> 00:09:41,079
because you know if a companion is dirty

264
00:09:38,949 --> 00:09:42,970
his friends cannot help but get a little

265
00:09:41,079 --> 00:09:45,940
dirty too no matter how clean they

266
00:09:42,970 --> 00:09:47,769
started out Epictetus advises us to pay

267
00:09:45,940 --> 00:09:50,230
very close attention to whom we spend

268
00:09:47,769 --> 00:09:52,269
our time with this is great advice since

269
00:09:50,230 --> 00:09:54,490
life is short temptation and waste are

270
00:09:52,269 --> 00:09:56,110
always lurking and so we need to pay

271
00:09:54,490 --> 00:09:58,720
attention to what we're doing and who

272
00:09:56,110 --> 00:10:00,339
our companions are so start spending

273
00:09:58,720 --> 00:10:02,259
time with people who are interested in

274
00:10:00,339 --> 00:10:05,019
following virtue and cultivating their

275
00:10:02,259 --> 00:10:06,339
character Aristotle once said that we

276
00:10:05,019 --> 00:10:08,050
want to be with friends who are better

277
00:10:06,339 --> 00:10:10,870
than ourselves so that we can learn from

278
00:10:08,050 --> 00:10:12,699
them ask yourself about the people you

279
00:10:10,870 --> 00:10:14,800
meet and spend time with are they making

280
00:10:12,699 --> 00:10:16,420
me better do they encourage me to push

281
00:10:14,800 --> 00:10:19,120
forward and do they hold me accountable

282
00:10:16,420 --> 00:10:21,399
or do they drag me down to their level

283
00:10:19,120 --> 00:10:23,160
and then consciously consider whom you

284
00:10:21,399 --> 00:10:26,800
allow into your life

285
00:10:23,160 --> 00:10:29,980
number 9 respond to insults with humor

286
00:10:26,800 --> 00:10:31,360
in the words of epictetus if you learn

287
00:10:29,980 --> 00:10:33,250
that someone is speaking ill of you

288
00:10:31,360 --> 00:10:36,040
don't try to defend yourself against the

289
00:10:33,250 --> 00:10:37,870
rumors respond instead with yes and he

290
00:10:36,040 --> 00:10:40,209
doesn't know the half of it because he

291
00:10:37,870 --> 00:10:42,160
could have said more we get easily

292
00:10:40,209 --> 00:10:44,560
offended when someone speaks ill about

293
00:10:42,160 --> 00:10:46,480
us or insults us we take the insults too

294
00:10:44,560 --> 00:10:49,269
personally which spoils our mood and

295
00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:51,250
ruins our self-esteem instead we need to

296
00:10:49,269 --> 00:10:54,009
realize that the insults whatever speak

297
00:10:51,250 --> 00:10:56,430
about you is not in your control but how

298
00:10:54,009 --> 00:10:59,290
you react to it most certainly is

299
00:10:56,430 --> 00:11:01,899
Epictetus tells us to respond to insults

300
00:10:59,290 --> 00:11:03,040
with self-deprecating humor for example

301
00:11:01,899 --> 00:11:04,569
if someone trolls you for being

302
00:11:03,040 --> 00:11:05,529
overweight there instead of getting

303
00:11:04,569 --> 00:11:07,810
offended and getting

304
00:11:05,529 --> 00:11:09,670
useless broad replied by saying yes I'm

305
00:11:07,810 --> 00:11:11,259
fungally getting one step closer to

306
00:11:09,670 --> 00:11:13,959
being the heaviest person on the planet

307
00:11:11,259 --> 00:11:15,459
and then give it a laugh by laughing off

308
00:11:13,959 --> 00:11:17,649
an insult we're implying that we don't

309
00:11:15,459 --> 00:11:20,139
take the insult and his insult seriously

310
00:11:17,649 --> 00:11:22,480
to imply this of course is to insult the

311
00:11:20,139 --> 00:11:24,339
insulter without directly doing so it's

312
00:11:22,480 --> 00:11:26,050
therefore a response that's likely to

313
00:11:24,339 --> 00:11:28,509
deeply frustrate the insult huh

314
00:11:26,050 --> 00:11:30,279
for this reason a humorous reply to an

315
00:11:28,509 --> 00:11:33,550
insult can be far more effective than a

316
00:11:30,279 --> 00:11:36,490
counter insult would be number 10 don't

317
00:11:33,550 --> 00:11:38,559
speak too much about yourself as we

318
00:11:36,490 --> 00:11:40,720
learn from epictetus in your

319
00:11:38,559 --> 00:11:42,279
conversation don't dwell at excessive

320
00:11:40,720 --> 00:11:44,379
length on your own deeds or adventures

321
00:11:42,279 --> 00:11:46,329
just because you enjoy recounting your

322
00:11:44,379 --> 00:11:47,800
exploits doesn't mean that others derive

323
00:11:46,329 --> 00:11:50,529
the same pleasure from hearing about

324
00:11:47,800 --> 00:11:52,870
them we're all guilty of talking too

325
00:11:50,529 --> 00:11:55,059
much about ourselves we talk about

326
00:11:52,870 --> 00:11:57,910
ourselves 30 to 40 percent of the time

327
00:11:55,059 --> 00:11:59,620
that's a lot studies have shown that

328
00:11:57,910 --> 00:12:01,720
talking about ourselves is strongly

329
00:11:59,620 --> 00:12:03,939
associated with increased activity in

330
00:12:01,720 --> 00:12:05,350
the mesolimbic dopamine system the same

331
00:12:03,939 --> 00:12:07,300
part of our brain that experiences

332
00:12:05,350 --> 00:12:09,910
pleasure through things like food sex

333
00:12:07,300 --> 00:12:11,410
and money the truth is no one wants to

334
00:12:09,910 --> 00:12:13,420
sit through a slideshow from your latest

335
00:12:11,410 --> 00:12:15,189
vacation even when presented as tiny

336
00:12:13,420 --> 00:12:16,990
pictures on your latest shining iPhone

337
00:12:15,189 --> 00:12:19,000
no one really wants to hear another

338
00:12:16,990 --> 00:12:21,370
person going on and on about themselves

339
00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:23,649
it's pretty safe to say that we're not

340
00:12:21,370 --> 00:12:25,750
as interesting as we think we are we

341
00:12:23,649 --> 00:12:27,610
need to exercise some self-control and

342
00:12:25,750 --> 00:12:30,189
refrain from talking too much about

343
00:12:27,610 --> 00:12:33,100
ourselves this will make our friends and

344
00:12:30,189 --> 00:12:34,779
acquaintances happier number eleven

345
00:12:33,100 --> 00:12:38,410
speak without judging

346
00:12:34,779 --> 00:12:41,379
to quote epictetus someone bathes in

347
00:12:38,410 --> 00:12:44,019
haste don't say he bathes badly but in

348
00:12:41,379 --> 00:12:46,990
haste someone drinks a lot of wine don't

349
00:12:44,019 --> 00:12:48,910
say he drinks badly but a lot until you

350
00:12:46,990 --> 00:12:50,949
know their reasons how do you know that

351
00:12:48,910 --> 00:12:52,480
their actions are vicious this will save

352
00:12:50,949 --> 00:12:53,860
you from perceiving one thing clearly

353
00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:56,529
but then accenting to something

354
00:12:53,860 --> 00:12:58,389
different the idea is to distinguish

355
00:12:56,529 --> 00:13:00,069
between matters of fact to which we can

356
00:12:58,389 --> 00:13:02,410
assent if we find them justified by

357
00:13:00,069 --> 00:13:04,240
observation and judgments from which we

358
00:13:02,410 --> 00:13:05,410
generally ought to abstain since we

359
00:13:04,240 --> 00:13:08,050
usually don't have sufficient

360
00:13:05,410 --> 00:13:09,850
information the truth is we're all doing

361
00:13:08,050 --> 00:13:11,980
the best we can and we're not privy to

362
00:13:09,850 --> 00:13:13,480
the stories behind people's actions so

363
00:13:11,980 --> 00:13:15,939
we should be patient with others and

364
00:13:13,480 --> 00:13:17,930
suspend our judgment of them recognising

365
00:13:15,939 --> 00:13:19,850
the limits of our understanding

366
00:13:17,930 --> 00:13:21,320
one of the things one must work on is

367
00:13:19,850 --> 00:13:24,110
viewing the world as objectively as

368
00:13:21,320 --> 00:13:25,910
possible if you see someone you might be

369
00:13:24,110 --> 00:13:27,890
inclined to judges overweight think

370
00:13:25,910 --> 00:13:29,720
instead of their exact weight which is a

371
00:13:27,890 --> 00:13:30,800
fact rather than the judgment that

372
00:13:29,720 --> 00:13:32,510
there's too much of it

373
00:13:30,800 --> 00:13:34,670
better yet see them as a whole person

374
00:13:32,510 --> 00:13:37,130
with all their objective characteristics

375
00:13:34,670 --> 00:13:39,020
rather than the one you'd single out the

376
00:13:37,130 --> 00:13:41,690
judgment adds nothing but unhelpful

377
00:13:39,020 --> 00:13:46,070
emotion see the world as it is and work

378
00:13:41,690 --> 00:13:50,510
from that finally number 12 reflect on

379
00:13:46,070 --> 00:13:52,399
your day as Epictetus teachers admit not

380
00:13:50,510 --> 00:13:54,200
to sleep into your tender eyelids till

381
00:13:52,399 --> 00:13:56,779
you've reckoned up each deed of the day

382
00:13:54,200 --> 00:13:59,600
how have I heard what's done or left

383
00:13:56,779 --> 00:14:02,270
undone so start and so review your acts

384
00:13:59,600 --> 00:14:06,080
and then for vile deeds chide yourself

385
00:14:02,270 --> 00:14:08,779
for good be glad stoicism isn't just

386
00:14:06,080 --> 00:14:10,899
about thinking it's about action and the

387
00:14:08,779 --> 00:14:13,040
best way to improve is to review each

388
00:14:10,899 --> 00:14:15,020
evening you should examine your day in

389
00:14:13,040 --> 00:14:17,029
your actions find a quiet place in your

390
00:14:15,020 --> 00:14:19,130
house or apartment and reflect on what's

391
00:14:17,029 --> 00:14:21,020
happened during the day the goal is to

392
00:14:19,130 --> 00:14:23,240
focus on the important happenings of the

393
00:14:21,020 --> 00:14:25,880
day particularly those that have ethical

394
00:14:23,240 --> 00:14:27,410
valence perhaps you spoke ill about your

395
00:14:25,880 --> 00:14:29,450
friend or maybe you were helpful to a

396
00:14:27,410 --> 00:14:31,220
colleague for each of these types of

397
00:14:29,450 --> 00:14:32,900
occurrences write a few lines in your

398
00:14:31,220 --> 00:14:36,050
diary and grade your own ethical

399
00:14:32,900 --> 00:14:38,330
performance that day ask yourself what

400
00:14:36,050 --> 00:14:40,400
did I do well today we're what my ethics

401
00:14:38,330 --> 00:14:42,500
tested and where did I do well where did

402
00:14:40,400 --> 00:14:46,040
I do badly why did this occur and

403
00:14:42,500 --> 00:14:48,380
furthermore how can I improve so now you

404
00:14:46,040 --> 00:14:50,630
know how you can self improve going

405
00:14:48,380 --> 00:14:52,160
forward if you think you did something

406
00:14:50,630 --> 00:14:54,080
that might have compromised your virtue

407
00:14:52,160 --> 00:14:56,779
then don't beat yourself up

408
00:14:54,080 --> 00:14:59,240
be like Seneca and forgive yourself have

409
00:14:56,779 --> 00:15:01,190
some self compassion research shows that

410
00:14:59,240 --> 00:15:02,839
it's forgiving yourself not beating

411
00:15:01,190 --> 00:15:05,630
yourself up that stops you from

412
00:15:02,839 --> 00:15:07,490
continually putting things off and don't

413
00:15:05,630 --> 00:15:09,410
just be critical of yourself think about

414
00:15:07,490 --> 00:15:11,720
what you did well so you can repeat it

415
00:15:09,410 --> 00:15:15,079
tomorrow and most of all be grateful for

416
00:15:11,720 --> 00:15:16,850
the good that happened today if you like

417
00:15:15,079 --> 00:15:18,890
this video do make sure to check out our

418
00:15:16,850 --> 00:15:20,450
full stoicism playlist and for more

419
00:15:18,890 --> 00:15:22,430
videos to help you find success and

420
00:15:20,450 --> 00:15:24,350
happiness using ancient philosophical

421
00:15:22,430 --> 00:15:26,910
wisdom don't forget to subscribe to us

422
00:15:24,350 --> 00:15:28,970
thanks for watching

423
00:15:26,910 --> 00:15:28,970
you