Page 94: the Private Eye Podcast.
Andy: ho, And welcome to the special post festive edition of page 94.
My name's Andrew Hunter Murray.
I'm here in the Eye Studio with Helen Lewis and Adam McQueen.
We're all wearing hats.
But we're not here to talk about the hats.
We're here because
a
special,
Adam: Can we talk about that?
Andy: Please?
Stop.
Sniggering.
Adam: Guys,
Helen: it's the way You've got a ball
if you're here.
It's
Adam: Your little Christmas elf is so sweet.
Andy: sweet.
Hello.
Welcome to page 94.
We are doing a special end of year, Christmas slash new year quiz.
Very exciting.
This is always very hotly contested.
we've each written around the other two are gonna contest in each round.
Can I, can we just start with a sense check of our, buzzers.
If you hear this noise, that's Helen buzzing in.
If you hear this one,
Adam: slays ring.
How you listening,
Andy: And this one,
Adam: the clanging Chimes of doom
Andy: is me.
Thank you.
Brilliant.
I'll kick off with the roundabout UK politics this year.
Adam: Woohoo.
Andy: fingers on those buzzers.
Or bells or Horns
Okay,
Helen: Yeah.
Andy: Liz Trus sent Kia Starr a cease and desist letter in January.
What was she asking?
Stama to stop doing a presiding over a culture of decline.
B, telling everyone what his father did for a living.
C. Letting migrants come here from Cali or D saying she crashed the economy,
Helen
Helen: saying she crashed the
Andy: economy.
Yes, that's right.
Easy
one to kick off.
Her letter was six pages long.
And
it said Stama had harmed her reputation and contributed to her losing her
seat in the 2024 general election.
She said it also wasn't a crash of the economy because it
technically didn't involve a fall in GDP or a rise in unemployment.
Very comforting.
For those of you listening with mortgages,
Adam: ever, there was a case for an Al V press TRA
Andy: response,
that
was the world.
I think It may not even have gotten KO V press str response.
Anyway, there we go.
We're off the blocks.
Helen.
One point, next up.
Also in January this year, Mike Amesbury,
labor
MP admitted assault by beating after getting into a physical
fight with a constituent in his runcorn and Helms B constituency.
He's now no longer a labor mp, but what and his constituent disagreed over?
Was it local transport infrastructure?
Was
it GP appointment availability?
Was
it the rise in antisocial behavior, or was it bins?
Adam,
Adam: it was a transport one, wasn't it?
Andy: Transport.
It
Adam: was about buses.
Andy: Helen, do you want to weigh in?
Helen: I think it was, what's the second one again?
Andy: GP appointments.
Helen: I'm gonna say GP appointments.
Andy: Adam wins it.
It was transport infrastructure, but it wasn't buses.
I'll just tell you quickly what it was.
It was about the 99-year-old Sutton Weaver swing bridge.
Adam: which of us hasn't had a fight in the
Andy: street about that?
It's about, this bridge is a terrific swing bridge which connects the town of
fraud with a village of Sutton Weaver next door.
does, it's due for substantial repair works, which have been causing 20
mile detours for some local residents.
the works have begun, but obviously, 'cause this is Britain,
they haven't finished yet.
Apparently they'll be concluding in February.
Great.
One point to Adam.
So you both, you've both got honor now.
So now let's just carry on,
Adam: Even though we've got Christmas hats on, we have on
Andy: next up, the s and p's married black.
The party's former deputy leader in Westminster, I
think one of the youngest mps in that whole, time.
She wasn't mp.
She left the party in July this year.
What is her new media based career move going to be?
Will she be doing communications for the Mack Ferry Company?
Will she be on the next series of strictly.
Will she be starring an illegal drama set in Scotland or will she
be the voice of the lifts in the Robert Burns Birthplace Museum in air
Out
of lift Lifts.
Helen: I'm gonna go
Mack 'cause it's funny, but it's also a real government job.
Andy: Oh, I'm sorry you've both fallen into my trap.
Yeah.
She's going to be in illegal drama called Councils Set in Scotland.
Yeah.
She's gonna be playing, I think, maybe a police officer Blind.
I know, obviously it's not the lift at the Robert Burns Birthplace Museum in air.
The Robert Burns Birthplace Museum in air is a cottage with no lifts.
I, you should have known that
there.
McQue McQueen.
Adam: the tragedy.
Helen: Adam,
Andy: It's not a tragedy.
It's a terrific museum.
Anyway, no schools there.
Helen: I went out canvasing when I went to report on, her canvassing
when she won that seat in 2015.
She was, enough.
She'd just finished her final year at university and she was up against Douglas
Alexander, who was then shadow foreign
of a labor Big beast.
Yeah.
Happy ending though.
She's in illegal drama, he's now back in government.
Andy: So, everyone's got something out.
of
Adam: and neither of them are voice of any lifts?
so
Andy: career options
out there?
Next up Rail Minister Peter Hendy.
Known to us all.
I know
Helen: Handy Hendy
Andy: received a fine.
Adam: That's one the lawyer's gonna question
isn't it?
Helen: because he has a German word for mobile
Adam: Okay.
Andy: Peter Hendy Rail Minister received a fine earlier this year for, what was it?
Littering outta the window of a moving train.
remind
you he's a rail minister, Was he using his phone while driving a bus.
Was it unwarranted use of the horn while driving?
or
vandalism in the lieu of a virgin pendolino.
Helen,
Helen: I wanna go
Andy: littering outta the window of a
Adam: train.
No.
'cause you can't open the windows on trains anymore, can you?
Helen: the ones in the vestibule you
' Andy: cause of woke.
Go on.
Adam: you
I'm gonna go for, what was the third one?
Andy: Unwarranted use of the horn.
Adam: Yes.
Yeah.
Yeah,
Between
11:00
PM and 7:00
AM
Helen: just to
Adam: Very good.
Helen: people what that might sound like.
Andy: I'm afraid he used his phone while driving a vintage
Routemaster bus through London.
Helen: That's one I didn't buy.
'cause I was like, why would he be driving a bus?
Andy: it.
was for a, It was for a charity called Railway Family.
He's the rail minister.
Adam: So he drove a bus?
Helen: okay, so his nickname could be hands free Hendy.
'cause that's what he
Andy: done.
very good.
Helen: For
Andy: he can, think of that new nickname as he considers
the six points on his license.
He's got and a fine
right now.
We've had some quite trivial political matters there.
I know.
We, haven't spent all year thinking about.
Peter Hendy.
but let's move to some big, stuff now, right?
Robert
Jen's little videos.
Yes.
Which of these subjects has Robert Wick not made one of his
little videos about this year?
Was
it a
going to migrant camps in Northern France to call the police?
Was it b going to a car boot sale, looking for some stolen it C going in a
spitfire to complain that young people didn't know about the Battle of Britain
or
d following fly tippers in a hired Van.
Helen: I'm going spitfire just because I feel like I would remember that.
Andy: Yep.
Yeah,
Absolutely.
Yeah.
Adam: Yeah.
I'm gonna go spitfire as well.
actually.
Andy: Oh, I'm so sorry.
You're both wrong.
What's What?
He went off in a spitfire.
Adam: He went
Helen: No way.
Okay.
That is objectively quite cool.
Andy: but a lot of under forties.
Helen: I didn't even know that video he's, quite
Adam: right.
turned, Raising awareness.
He's not doing terribly well,
Andy: is he?
but he went up in a spitfire to, to complain that young people didn't
know about the Battle of Britain.
So good for him.
Helen: in, they have a gunner seat then presumably it's a two seater.
Adam: sadly not an ejector seat.
which should
been
Helen: I just, I'm trying to re summon back my memories of what happened in Bigs,
but that was a lot of, that was the soap with Camel in the first World War.
Andy: Yes.
Helen: technology obviously came on.
Andy: I'd just like to shut down any people writing in saying that the
Spitfire doesn't have a separate gunner's seat, because I believe it doesn't.
Helen: what was he sitting in
Adam: there?
are
entire podcasts, about this already.
We don't need to get into this area.
Andy: Murray drops a line.
and Tell us what you think.
What Genrich didn't do this year was following flight tippers in a hired Van.
He did
go up in a spitfire.
He did go to migrant camps in Northern France to call the fuzz,
and he did go to car boot sales.
looking
for stolen goods.
Adam: And he did walk round talking about fly tipping, didn't he?
In Hansworth?
Yes.
that's
when the Van.
I, he
wasn't,
Helen: how has he not been to that big field in Oxford?
That's full of, fly tip.
You, I could still see him surfing down
Andy: there.
Helen: anyway, Robert, if you're listening,
Andy: absolutely.
staying with the Conservative party for the moment, which of
these items was not available to buy or on display at this year's?
Tory conference was a Margaret Thatcher?
Toby Jug.
Was it a Thatcher Christmas bobble reading?
ho, ho.
No,
Helen: If you've invented that, then that's, they should get on that.
Andy: Was
it an AI Thatcher, which allowed her to speak on current policy matters,
or was it a Thatcher impersonator on the decks at one of the parties?
Adam: is the Christmas ball.
You made that one up.
Andy: Okay.
Helen: I'm
okay, but just to be different.
I'm gonna go with the AI Thatcher
Andy: guys.
This is a low scoring quiz so far.
You're both wrong.
The thing that wasn't there was a Thatcher impersonator on the
decks at one of the parties.
To my knowledge, I did search and try and find out if that had happened.
No, they had, they had the Christmas bobs and they had, the AI Thatcher.
Adam: I remember the, AI Thatcher.
you
Andy: could
just
Adam: post a letter to her couldn't you?
And she would come back to you from beyond the grave.
A
Helen: It's like a Ouija board.
That's
a bit tasteless.
Andy: little bit.
They also had some of her outfits on display.
Yeah.
Helen: Great.
Great outfits
Andy: showing that they're a party looking to the future.
It's also a hundred years this year since she was born.
Adam: Wow.
Andy: I know.
Next question.
This is now the Fabric of Parliament Bit as part of its ongoing renovation.
What did the Houses of Parliament spend nearly 10 million pounds on this year?
Was it a single door which trapped disabled people inside it?
Was it an entire building of windows which concentrate the sun
on it a lift for some falcons?
Or was it some paint, which turns out to contain lead.
Adam
Adam: lead
Andy: It's
the
It's
the door.
Adam's.
got it.
It's the door.
It's the door
Adam: the door.
It's the door on the House of Lord's entrance, isn't
Andy: it?
it's absolutely that.
And it has trapped people in wheelchairs inside it, and it needs a security
officer to press a button to operate it.
It's,
a bad door, but it's only cost 9.6 million pounds, to be fair.
I know.
Helen: I feel, again, it's one of those things where you feel like I got to
probably about for fair, about 500 quid.
install the door that
Adam: but as expensive
metaphors go.
the wing of the,
Andy: yes.
Adam: The White
House is probably a, bit, of a better one, isn't
Andy: it?
Yeah, absolutely.
and just so you know, there was a project to Rehouse the resident, I think
it's Peregrine Falcons, but that cost a mere 80,000 pounds to rehouse, two
of them, or 40,000 pounds of Falcon.
Bargain.
Adam: quite right, too.
Yeah.
And More appreciated than any other inhabitants.
Helen: To be fair, I imagine that they do sterling work in
how many, imagine what town?
Clean pigeon droppings off all that Like
Andy: yeah, absolutely.
Helen: They earn their weight in whatever they get
Adam: scrap.
Helen: of bacon.
Andy: next up
disruptors.
who does,
Adam: oh sorry.
I think you were just addressing this.
No.
Andy: this time.
Who does Zara Sultana say she and former potential co-leader of your party?
Jeremy Corbin alike.
Is it Princess Harry and William?
Is
it the Gallagher Brothers?
Is it the
MFRs or is it Can and
Abel,
Helen: It's the Gallagher
Andy: the Gallagher It's the Gallagher Brothers
Helen: Do I like it?
You like the MVAs?
They're just like, they've got one who's a fascist sist.
One who's a lesbian.
One likes horses,
Adam: Great.
Andy: It is the Gallaghers.
She said in October.
I know that I'm in Manchester, so I have to reference Liam and
Noel Gallagher if they can do it.
Of course, me and Jeremy can after this.
She then organized a speech simultaneously with Jeremy's for the first night
and then
boycotted the following day
So
Harmony remains,
Helen: to be fair, it took them 20 years to need the money enough
to get back together again.
So maybe it will all work out okay for Zara
Andy: Good.
point.
Very good point.
Couple more.
of these is the odd one out and why
gonna be strict On Lucy Powell, New deputy leader of Labor.
Adam: Yep.
Andy: Yeah.
Nick Robinson.
Laura Konberg, Donald Trump.
Adam: Lucy Powell's
gonna feel terrible that she needed glossing.
You thought we wouldn't know who the deputy leader at Labor was.
Andy: I'm sorry.
Donald Trump, president of the USA.
There we go.
Adam.
Adam: Donald Trump's American.
Andy: Correct?
I can't give it you.
Adam: Sorry.
that was correct.
I wanna point
Helen: only one of them's president.
this could get ridiculous.
is it about.
Suing people.
Andy: It's not, shall I tell
Helen: it about having a podcast?
Andy: It's
about having a
modern thing.
account, one of them has this and the other three have merely, been and the
other three have been victims of a scam claiming they've got a such a I'm
gonna put you all outta your misery.
It's
Helen: Oh,
Andy: the
first three, Powell, Robinson and Coonsburg, they have all been hacked
on Twitter, by hackers posting adverts for fictional meme coins.
Powell's was the, dollar sign, HCC, the House of Commons coin.
Nick Robinson had the dollar sign.
Today coin, only President Donald Trump has actually
launched his own cryptocurrency.
The dollar sign, Trump and the value since launch is down by 85%.
Adam: What
was the Kosberg one?
Kosberg GR Grand.
Andy: I actually don't, I didn't write down.
It's the only one I didn't write down.
Again, with your laser-like journalism skills,
Adam, you
Adam: found,
in
Andy: and you've zeroed in on it.
Final
one.
What did.
Kent County Council spend 11,000 pounds on this year prompting
taking down patriotic flags?
Was it a logo for its Doge department?
Was
it equality, diversity and inclusion training, or was it imitation
coal fires for its offices?
Adam,
Adam: was it taking the flags down so they could put
Christmas
Andy: decorations?
It was taking down the
Adam: flags, yes, because then Warwick, the 12-year-old, is in charge
of Warwick Council, said that he.
was going to take all the flags down and stall them very, carefully and
put them back up in January as a
Andy: Lovely,
lovely.
yes.
what an exciting round.
That was it.
Adam, I think you've won.
Oh,
Adam: Oh,
Andy: very close round.
Three, two Close but low scoring.
as
close, but
rubbish.
Helen: wait,
I wouldn't get cocky.
We're about to get into Adam's
Andy: Yeah, absolutely.
well done everyone.
I had a great time.
I hope you did too.
Adam: I would just like to say it's not a difficult round if you've
been bothering to read the Streets of Shame pages in private high.
All year.
or rather, for about the first six months of this year.
'cause that's when I got bored going through them and thinking up questions.
So
Andy: right.
Far away
Adam: this Christmas sees Murdoch's children, James, Elizabeth, and Prudence.
firmly
on Father Rupert's naughty list and Lan Grayson Chloe getting
extra helping is a plumb pudding.
But how much did Dad shell out to each of his least favorite children
to settle the succession battle over his business empire in September?
Andy: $1 billion.
Helen: $300
Adam: a pound.
Helen: doesn't really matter when he's gone for a Alright.
Adam: you're both, right.
Andy, do I give this to you as close?
$1.1 billion.
Wow.
Helen: Wow.
Adam: 810 million pounds.
Thank you.
So someone's having a lovely Christmas dinner.
this So one point to Andy so far,
, How much cash did Tortoise Media hand over to the Guardian in order
to take over the Observer newspaper?
Helen: This
Adam: go on, Helen.
Was
Helen: it one pound?
Andy: can I?
Helen: was technically minus ended up putting a big investment
Andy: I think it's 5 million
That The guardian paid,
it is either five or 25.
Adam: It was the Guardian pa, right?
You've got, you've, both of you're gonna get a point on
Helen: that Yeah,
Adam: you both got different hearts it was a trick question.
it was actually the Guardian who paid tortoise to take
the observer off their hands.
They put 5 million pounds of investment into them and said, that's your problem.
Now you've gotta deal with It both get a
Helen: bargaining by the Guardian, wasn't it, in that essentially the initial
offer was a pound and then they ended up
Andy: can we actually give
you
Adam: 5 million?
Helen: just desperate
Andy: 2025
Adam: an unexpected change of astrologer, unexpected,
you see what I've done there?
unexpected change of astrologer at the Daily Mail with Oscar Cana, replaced
by his cousin Jemima, the daughter of original horoscope, botherer Jonathan.
What
was Oscar's surprising parting revelation?
Helen: Hadn't he communicated with a ghost of someone?
Quite important.
Adam: no.
I think that you're, think you can come back to the Tory party conference now.
The Ai
Thatcher,
Helen: oh, do
Adam: quite A
simple one.
It's one all of us might be capable of making about horoscopes
Helen: as, and this all, it was all fraud.
It's all made up.
Adam: Well, effectively, yes.
He said, I don't think I can predict the future much better than anyone
else, and neither did my uncle.
who was of course, the best paid journalist on Fleet
Andy: Street for very
many years.
Helen: Hang on a minute, but did, did, was he outed or did he resign of his own
volition going, I can't do it anymore.
I don't care.
They're all the same.
There's no difference between Libra and Aquarius.
Adam: was just ousted by
his, by his cousin who does fancy to go.
Helen: I do remember that being an incredibly good story.
But
Adam: was
a fun one.
Yeah.
okay.
Royal News, the Prince and Princess of Wales dispatched a letter
to newspapers via their lawyers
Mishcon Dere at the beginning of the year,
complaining
about invasions of their family's privacy.
What particular phrase as featured in the Male Express Hello and Okay magazines.
Were they particularly concerned
Andy: Ooh,
Helen: Surely it's not all grown
Adam: I'm afraid.
It is.
This
is
the most tasteless, Christmas question, I'm afraid.
Yeah.
All grown up.
Specifically they said the media presenting their 11, nine and 6-year-old
children in a more adult-like manner than it's appropriate may lead to
fascination and even potential online.
Andy: did one of the papers age them up to say, this is what they're gonna
look like when they're grownups?
Adam: Yeah.
Yeah.
They've done that A bit dodgy
So in conclusion,
name all three entities that have nearly bought the telegraph this year.
Andy: Oh, oh, but haven't?
Adam: I'm gonna let Yandy you are behind, so I'm gonna let you go on that one.
Helen: Oh, you can all get red bird, Andy.
Andy: Bird?
Actually,
Adam: Nadi Nadim.
Not just Redbird.
Come on.
I need specifics.
Helen: red Bird IMI
Adam: this year.
Andy: Redbird China edition
Adam: effectively.
But I
Helen: Redbird Taylor's version K
Andy: Pyong Yang.
Kim Jong.
Un,
Helen: The Daily Mail group,
Andy: Boko Haram.
Adam: Between you, you've got one.
Helen: were worried that Boca Harrah's market share would be too large.
Adam: The Daily Mail group are currently in the running to take him
over at some point in the new year.
the Redbird who, tried to buy it from the original, and current
owners, Redbird, IMI, were Redbird
Capital.
Can
you remember the person who running at the
Helen: beginning?
Oh, dove.
Dove foreman.
No, that's the
Andy: No Divo Divo.
Doy
Adam: Just
go with
All unlikely vowels in the, in in the name David and you.
will get
Andy: there.
David.
Adam: Do David Une.
Yes.
Owner of the New York Sun.
Helen: I think we should deserve a point for that because that
was
Adam: have a point.
It's
Andy: Christmas,
Adam: whatever.
Helen: you.
Well done.
Adam: means you
both equal on three?
in this round At the
moment.
So it's all very, exciting.
What
is unusual about Daily Mail website hack Melody Fletcher
Ting
go on.
Andy: doesn't, exist.
Adam: Yep, that's exactly it.
She is a pseudonym used by journalists who either don't want to put their
real names to the stories they're obliged to write because they're
afraid of the reaction from fans.
Of people like Taylor Swift,
who
Helen: I think they're fans of the Daily Mail
Adam: Get
Monster online.
So they just put the name Melody Fletcher on it instead.
Or they just put the name Melody Fletcher on it because they just so
embarrassed by what Appalling crap.
Helen: I thought you were say she was gonna be ai, but that's
like the
Adam: pre ai, she's literally
Helen: like Alan, Hollywood film directors using Alan Smithy when they didn't want
Adam: Yeah, it's exactly that.
It was
the story.
over, 11 in Stranger clapped back against
Andy: Yeah.
After
that,
Adam: They just started putting Melody Fletcher on absolutely
anything they wrote about her, but various other people as well.
The telegraph in a front page, exclusive, revealing what it claimed
was a free speech row in March.
Described comments, reform, supporter, and peculiar plumber Charlie Mullins had made
criticizing
London's mayor in what might be termed a robust manner.
What
did Mullins actually
Andy: say about
car?
Yeah, go on.
He said something like, someone should kill
Adam: him.
He said Exactly.
Someone should kill him.
Specifically.
Time to dump the Muslim mayor.
Someone should kill him.
That's free Speech telegraph
Helen: It's fairly unambiguous, isn't it?
It's not really.
The dog whistle.
There.
Adam: one
more,
Helen: the
Adam: Andy.
You just,
Helen: I just
love my
Adam: we are gonna take that
away from you at the end of the recording, You can't just keep it forever.
Helen: It's very dusty.
I don't think people have been using it
Adam: We haven't used it since last year as Christmas, Chris.
That's why it's been sitting on a shelf
celebrating
her first full decade as Editor The guardian's, Kath Weiner boasted this
spring that when she had taken over, the guardian was making big losses and
the business model was not sustainable
In
2015 that year.
The guardian's losses stood at 17.6 million.
What did they stand out in?
2025.
Andy: numbers?
Helen: 17.7 million
can we just say about, I say
Andy: higher,
Adam: higher.
Helen: hundred million.
Adam: Lower.
24.3 million.
Although the Guardian does prefer to term them as.
Adjusted cash outflow for the operating business, which is a rather wonderful
And it was down for 37 million
Andy: should
say.
Oh, Okay.
to
be
Helen: And it went through profitability for a while, didn't
Adam: Yeah.
And then straight out the other
Helen: side
and we were like, oh, we don't like
Andy: this.
Oh,
Helen: It's not the guardian way.
Adam: Right.
I think Andy was closest on that.
So I'm gonna give Andy a point on that one.
and in your final question, the Daily Express was way out ahead
in 2024 as the most successfully complained about newspaper.
with Seven breaches of the editor's code and ipso obliged corrections this year.
higher or lower
Helen: Gotta be higher.
Andy: I'll be sporting and
Adam: I'm gonna, I'm
gonna need a honk.
need a ding.
Andy: Lower.
Adam: You're wrong, Andy.
They were all higher.
Oh, there was higher.
12 of them.
12 complaints upheld so far.
And amazingly,
every
single one of them was from the same complainant.
who is a man called Alan Williams Key, who seems to have made his full-time
job just to complain about inaccurate coverage
in the Daily Express.
Wow.
Andy: Wow.
Does he have a special subject?
Do we know?
Is it
he's
particularly
Adam: keen on economics and criticisms of Rachel Reeves.
He's not as far as I know.
Related he's
Helen: Rachel Reeves.
only fan.
That's exciting.
Adam: and on that round we have a total of four for Helen and five for
Andy: handing.
Yes.
Helen: just a wipe out for me over and over again.
Andy: Did you lose the last one as well?
I did.
I'm sorry.
Helen
Helen: and I, but by default lost this one
Andy: because I know you're competitive.
I know you're competitive.
And
Helen: It's fine.
I actually
Andy: be really sticking in the craw.
Helen: I've actually tried to this.
Yeah.
I've really learned to be humble,
This is the 12 Trumps of Christmas.
Adam: Oh, brilliant.
Fantastic.
Helen: Which of the following did Donald Trump not do on his first day in office?
Now this will be multiple choice A ban.
TikTok B, change the name of Denali back to Mount McKinley.
C. Declare there are only two sexes or D withdraw from the WHO.
Andy: Ooh,
Helen: Adam.
Adam: Is it the banning TikTok because they did preemptively canceled themselves,
Helen: okay
Andy: I'll say the mountain thing, which he probably did do at some
point, but didn't do on day one.
Helen: He did do it on day one.
It is in fact banning TikTok as, as you observed.
instead,
he seems to plan to frog it off to some of his mates and still
have the algorithm run by China.
As Elon Musk time and Doge drew to a close, he appeared at a White
House event with a black eye.
It is generally agreed that he was decked by Scott Besant, the treasury
secretary who hates But who did Elon try and blame the injury on?
Andy: His we lad
Helen: can you gimme the name of his wi?
We lad
Andy: XI source code
forward
slash
Helen: absolutely final.
This one.
New document to X?
Yes.
like a, no, this
is like a,
Andy: this
Helen: like one of us trying to file a piece through the,
subs on the Monday morning.
Yeah, no, absolutely use this one.
yes.
I was just horsing around with little X and I said go ahead, punch me in the face.
And he did.
Mr. Musk explained
Adam: if only he would
extend this invitation to would be a better
Helen: Okay?
In May, after the death of Pope Francis, suggest could be the
next Pope tweeting an AI generated image of them in full papal regalia
It was of course himself.
Yes.
else.
No, it was not, which political disruptor explained his nickname like this.
I use it as my LinkedIn username.
People on LinkedIn take themselves super seriously and
they're pretty averse of risk.
And I was like, I wanna be no there of those things.
So I just said it, and honestly, I didn't think anybody would notice.
Andy: Is
it.
The guy from Doge who's called Big Balls?
Helen: It is the guy from Doge, who's called Big Balls, Edward
Adam: forgotten Big Balls.
Wow.
Helen: I'm
afraid Big Balls has now left Doge.
Much like the Ravens leaving the Tower of London, big balls has departed.
Yes.
well done.
Yeah.
Doing very well.
Both of you.
Andy: I think we're connected on LinkedIn here and I, so
Helen: I wonder if it was in the middle of his name or if
that was just his first name.
So anyway, we can investigate this later in July, which political
candidate was accused by arrival of slapping fannies and killing grannies.
Adam: I
mean, that surely that's Trump, isn't
it?
Helen: It wasn't.
Not in this case, no.
And this was, I would say the American fanny meaning bottom.
Andy: Oh,
I think
Adam: of grabbing pussies on time, not slapping
Fannie,
Andy: I'll say RFK.
Helen: Again, a good guess, but no, it was Andrew Cuomo candidate for New
York Mayor who had earlier resigned his governor of New York over sexual
harassment allegations and his COVID policies around care homes.
The phrase comes from
his
Adam: I just have a moment because
you bring up RFK and that contest has just brought back the poem and it's just, I
Helen: you are my
just, you are my valley.
I am your.
Andy: look.
let's press on.
People are full of crisp with food.
They wanna hear this.
s much.
Oh
Adam: yes.
They'll bring it up.
Helen: the phrase comes from, his Republican rival, Curtis Lier.
Andy: It's a very good political phrase.
Helen: It's, and delivered in a proper New York accent as well.
a proper, I'm walking here slapping Fannie killing grannies.
It was great.
Andy: I'm
still
stuck
on wondering whether big balls is related.
To Ed
Helen: Bulls, but Ed Bulls always used to tell a joke about his name, which
was like, don't feel sorry for me.
Feel sorry for my sister, Ophelia.
Andy: Lovely, lovely.
Adam: wanna know if his big ball's All one word, like you said, or whether it's
like Meat Loaf, who like to be referred to by people who Interviewed him.
I was one as Mr. Loaf.
Really?
Yeah.
And I'm afraid, I was told that just as I was entering the room to
interview,
be called Mr.
Loaf.
So I entered the room going,
Andy: that.
No, we
didn't get on,
there's a Meatloaf tribute Act called Pete Loaf.
That's
brilliant.
yeah.
Anyway,
Sorry,
Carry on.
In
Helen: In October, Donald Trump posted a video of himself flying over
the No Kings protestors wearing a crown and dropping a what on them?
I'm gonna give it to you, although sound travels.
Yeah, it's they
Andy: Gee, I've got the advantage.
I think it was.
CGI poo.
Adam: it was,
your the
papers insisted that it
was ambiguous, didn't they?
They said
a brown liquid.
And then second mention, they
said resembling
Helen: Yes.
The New York Times in its classic way was like, we can't be
absolutely sure it's human poo.
But that was, definitely the implication.
Yeah.
Adam: that can be said of
just Dumping poo on your own and We might do it, but you
wouldn't necessarily publicize
Helen: You think you could imagine kiss actually dumping poor people,
just not tweeting about it.
What's an allegation to make at Christmas?
Which of the following did Secretary of Defense or other Secretary of War, Pete
Heer,
not attack in a rambling speech to which he summoned all American
military personnel in September?
Was it A Fat Troops B, fat Generals and Admirals, C,
beos,
or D people who claim exemptions from military service on
spurious health grants?
Adam,
Adam: Boulogne Spurs,
isn't it?
It's the last
Helen: It was.
I did a bit of their, of topical satire related to the fact that
Donald Trump got out of the draft for the Vietnam War had Boulogne spurs
Andy: satire
Adam: about the Vietnam War.
That's what they come here.
for.
Andy: for,
question please.
Yes.
What is a beard though?
It's
Helen: a person with a be.
Andy: Oh, okay.
Helen: but in a sort of hippie-ish way.
And there's a slightly sinister overtone to it because most of the people who
have medical exemptions from shaving are black guys who have a particular
condition where your follicles get irritated by shaving, which is much
more common, people with darker skin.
And and, also, yeah, the people with religious exemptions too.
so there is a, slightly unfortunate undertone to his, the war on Beos.
Adam: I
would just like to one out there today, I'm not only a beo,
but I am wearing my XMA hat.
I'm,
with the woke brigade this Christmas,
Helen: Merry Wokeness wasn't there?
I'm sure there was a GB news section.
It was called Merry
Adam: Almost It's been canceled and you'll have to call it Winterville.
Andy: I'll just say Happy holes.
yeah,
Helen: Who was revealed to have written these words this upon a time, an
intelligent, sharp witted man they call mysterious parachuted into my life.
He would spend many hours just waiting for him often, no sooner were you used
to having him around, he would suddenly be alone again, leaving you with
some interesting friends to entertain instead, the gentle jingle that says, a
Adam: the gentle jingle that says, I'm just so relieved that you
didn't quote what he wrote to her.
It's Olivia Nazi,
Helen: isn't
it?
It is not?
no, it is not
Adam: Oh, Okay.
Blamy.
Andy: Oh.
I'll say British GB News hack Beverly Turner talking about Donald
Helen: It is not.
It is,
Adam: Is it Donald Trump talking about GB news Hack.
Beverly Turner.
Andy: it
Is it Ghislaine
Helen: It's in that You getting warmer?
Oh, warmer.
Adam: It was, it is Peter Mandelson about Epstein, isn't it?
Helen: It is.
Peter Manon about Epstein.
I'm not gonna give you that point because you had five wrong answers
before that and you've made your own bed
there.
Andy: What did he say?
A A
Helen: A man commenter.
And then you'd be left with some interesting friends to entertain instead.
Again, not a thing.
You want to later been discovered to written in the
birthday book of a pedophile
up there with, let's play again soon from Andrew.
One.
Here go.
It's, happening now.
In November, US journalist Ryan Lizza accused his ex-fiancee Olivia Nazi, also a
journalist of having an affair with former presidential candidate Mark Sanford.
Back in 2009 when Sanford ducked outta his campaign to visit his
mistress in South America, which incredible euphemism did he deploy?
Okay, ready?
This is it, a boating in the Ozarks
two
B. Hiking the Appalachian Trail
C playing hacky sack in Maine, or d attending a hoedown in Harrisburg.
Andy: I'll
say,
Adam: it's
the hiking in the Appalachians.
'cause you've enjoyed the others far too much.
clearly.
Or in
Andy: I'm gonna, I'm gonna go for it.
I'm gonna say a hoedown
in
Helen: in Harrisburg.
Harrisburg.
I've been to Harrisburg.
It would be a lovely place to have a hoan, but no, it was of course
hiking the Appalachian Trail.
It's very much their version of, Ugandan discussions.
Okay, who am I talking about here?
He is a former world leader who once dressed up as Al
Ladin at a private school where
Andy: could,
Helen: taught.
You don't even wanna hear the other half of I do.
The couple.
You've already preemtively, belled.
Andy: I know who the couple is.
Is it Justin Trudeau and Katy
Helen: Perry?
It's, yay.
Adam: Yay.
Andy: But who's she?
Helen: She went into space ish this year.
They're now
Andy: She went on a plane.
Helen: Yeah,
I read, I did this with my husband as a, dry run.
And I have to say he was interesting the other ones.
And then this one he lept on like a salmon.
He was like, I think you'll find that's Justin Trudeau and Katie
Perry.
so well done for being equally lowbrow.
Andy.
Which Great American novel provided the theme for both a party at the wedding of
Jeff Bezos and Lauren Sanchez and Donald Trump's Halloween party at Maa Largo.
Andy,
Andy: I think the Bezos wedding featured a strong, great Gatsby theme.
About oblivious rich people.
Helen: You're right.
Two people decided you haven't
Adam: read The
Andy: Gatsby you
Adam: read The Great
Helen: Gatsby?
funny you should say that because the Trump bash a b, c reported was themed.
A little party never killed nobody referencing a song from the 2013
film adaptation of the Scopic
Fitzgerald
Adam: It did.
That's the whole point,
Helen: isn't it?
Andy: it?
Yes.
Helen: It's also a novel that is heavily about, Eugenics,
right?
It's about racism and the background is that book, the Passing of the White
Race, or the Passing of the Great Race.
So again.
More on the nose than perhaps that
Adam: And also this was a Halloween party.
Helen: Spooky.
Spooky Gatsby.
Sexy.
Sexy Gatsby.
Yeah.
Is
Andy: that,
the Leonardo de DiCaprio and Toby McGuire film?
Helen: is, yes.
Andy: A
Helen: It's too long.
I've always looked at, I've gone, I don't need two and a half hours.
The book's only about 128.
Andy: read the book at that time.
Helen: And then you wouldn't get the beats, boats born, ceaselessly
back, all that sort of stuff.
Anyway, Recently, the American Conservative Movement has been torn
apart by the decision of JD Vance's friend Tucker Carlson, formerly of
Fox News, to platform the Antisemite and grouper leader Nick Fuentes.
Which of the following did they not discuss on a recent A, whether Iran
was a bigger intelligence threat to America than OnlyFans B, the concept of
FL C, whether it's appropriate to wear pajamas on airplanes or D, whether wives
should be subordinate to their husbands.
plausible.
I know, right?
Adam: That Helen has actually listened to the whole of
Andy: this podcast and he
Adam: is gonna make us suffer
Helen: through question about
it
Andy: well.
I, think the appropriate attire on planes was something that the transport
secretary recently said in a speech.
So I think that's the one that, and I of course didn't make it
into his pod tuck.
Carlson
Adam: will have a particular interest in that because he's
savaged by demons in his sleep, isn't
he?
So a
good sturdy pair of
pajamas
Andy: A
sleep
suit Oh, you want some Kevlar?
Adam: will be,
Andy: Some Kevlar Ultra Marines.
Yeah.
Helen: He was a man who sleeps with, apparently with four dogs in his bed,
was nonetheless savaged by demons.
That was the most plausible
Andy: lazy dogs not protecting him from those demons.
That's
outrageous.
Helen: I like to think they're all tiny dogs.
It's four
Andy: tiny L
Adam: Flowers.
Helen: yes, you're right.
Whether or not it's appropriate to wear pajamas on airplanes was transportation.
Secretary Sean Duffy, although there is famously a picture of,
noted sex poetry enthusiast.
RFK Junior on a plane in bare feet.
Ooh.
Which I don't agree with at
Andy: Do you mean when you say bear, is that one of the bears that he's killed
and strapped to his car and eaten
Helen: dead bare feet?
I was trying to work out why the numbers there, the schools there
didn't add up to 12, but it's because there were a couple where I'm afraid
neither of you scored any points.
However, would you like to know what the it's five to Adam.
to Andy.
Adam: Oh.
Helen: Meaning
that you are both winners, much like the Trump's view of the
2024 election,
there's one real winner and one person who thinks that
Adam: are all And In a way.
Andy: Okay, I'd like my supporters to march on the private eye office now.
Please.
Adam: that's
Andy: been edited really unfairly.
I'd just like to say
Adam: he actually said
a 50 minutes in between that, that we cut out.
Andy: Brilliant.
Helen: Okay.
And what we have established is that you are both winners and I'm the loser.
So in a way,
the real
Adam: feel we knew that
Helen,
Andy: happy
Oh,
and happy Christmas to all of you.
Thank you so much for watching and listening all this year.
We've had a lovely time and, we'll do it again next year, probably.
We definitely will.
Adam: Yay.
Here's to
Andy: to Yes.
What exciting fresh horrors
await us in 2026.
yes.
Adam: do our best to
Andy: it.
Exactly.
That's all from us and thanks as always did Matt Hill of Rethink audio.
Bye for now.